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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rustic Rebel 18 May 05 - 08:04 PM
GUEST 18 May 05 - 04:55 PM
GUEST,MMario 18 May 05 - 04:18 PM
Rapparee 18 May 05 - 03:58 PM
Bunnahabhain 18 May 05 - 03:38 PM
GUEST,MMario 18 May 05 - 02:24 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 18 May 05 - 02:08 PM
GUEST,MMMMMario 18 May 05 - 01:18 PM
Acme 18 May 05 - 01:15 PM
Acme 18 May 05 - 10:26 AM
GUEST,MMario 18 May 05 - 09:21 AM
GUEST,freds 18 May 05 - 09:15 AM
GUEST,Ralphs Prime 17 May 05 - 11:12 PM
GUEST,Norma Fertilesticks 17 May 05 - 11:02 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 17 May 05 - 07:31 PM
Amos 17 May 05 - 07:11 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 17 May 05 - 06:55 PM
Bunnahabhain 17 May 05 - 01:43 PM
GUEST,MMario 17 May 05 - 01:07 PM
Acme 17 May 05 - 12:34 PM
GUEST 17 May 05 - 09:25 AM
GUEST,Rapaire 17 May 05 - 09:24 AM
GUEST,JennyO 17 May 05 - 12:17 AM
Acme 16 May 05 - 11:39 PM
Rustic Rebel 16 May 05 - 10:43 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 16 May 05 - 10:04 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 16 May 05 - 09:18 PM
GUEST,Amos 16 May 05 - 08:56 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 16 May 05 - 07:59 PM
GUEST,Amos 16 May 05 - 07:13 PM
Rapparee 16 May 05 - 03:27 PM
Acme 16 May 05 - 11:59 AM
Rapparee 16 May 05 - 11:40 AM
GUEST 16 May 05 - 10:33 AM
Acme 16 May 05 - 10:30 AM
GUEST,Rapaire 16 May 05 - 09:16 AM
GUEST,MMario 16 May 05 - 09:11 AM
Acme 15 May 05 - 11:49 PM
Rapparee 15 May 05 - 09:30 PM
Acme 15 May 05 - 11:33 AM
Acme 14 May 05 - 11:38 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 14 May 05 - 06:25 PM
GUEST,Burl Hives 14 May 05 - 10:21 AM
Amos 13 May 05 - 06:29 PM
Bunnahabhain 13 May 05 - 09:42 AM
Rapparee 13 May 05 - 08:43 AM
Bunnahabhain 13 May 05 - 08:38 AM
GUEST,MMario 13 May 05 - 08:26 AM
Acme 12 May 05 - 11:38 PM
Amos 12 May 05 - 11:30 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 18 May 05 - 08:04 PM

The village freds have come to conjugate with the wool from the back of a '66 Chevy seat.
The village freds have decided it could serve their purpose well.
The village freds have lost all sense of themselves because of their athlete's feet.
The village freds are starting to swell.

They cry out loud, "Old wool will stop the worms!"
"Old wool will stop them now."
"Old wool, from a seat from a '66 Chev"
"Old wool, old wool."

The village freds can't have no wool, they can't tear up the Chevy seats.
The village freds gonna have to suffer,
The village freds gotta live with them ringworm feets.
The village freds just gotta get a little tougher.

We cry out loud, "Get your grubs off of our old wool"
"Oh yeah, we'll stop you now."
We're protecting our wool from the village freds."
"Our wool, our wool."

Find another planet to fuck with.

Written and performed by the Chevy De-fenders


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 18 May 05 - 04:55 PM

Six

, I'd like you to meet ampersand.

ampersand, this is

Six

.

Say hello, you rara avisi, you!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 May 05 - 04:18 PM

yep - don';t see many capital sixes anymore - they've become almost as rare as the lower case ampersand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 05 - 03:58 PM

Did I ever mention that my favorite number is the capital (upper case) 6? Not the little ^, but a real capital 6. You don't see them much anymore.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 18 May 05 - 03:38 PM

Thank you for that everyone. There will now be a irrational number of Ralphettes arriving in nine months. You have been warned...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 May 05 - 02:24 PM

and Healer of Minds referred to Debbie Earl as "it" - when we all know s/heit is a himherit!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 May 05 - 02:08 PM

Yet another case of obviously flagrant Fred fraud! "Healer of Mind" is a fake!

Please refer to the following direct quotation:

"No rational and/or sane fred would willingly visit the backwater hole of your planetary/dimensional space. I mean, why would they? So an entity calling itself a fred does come, please inform me or call fred Continua Enforcement."

The poster uses "fred" in the singular. WRONG!!! It has been incontrovertibly established that "Freds" is singular, plural, and communal. The entire race is "Freds". Three individuals are "Freds". One individual is "Freds". There is no such thing as "a Fred"! The concept is foreign to Freds' way of thinking. It's analagous to an Earthling saying "a humanity".

Now "Healer of Mind" will probably come back with some lame-assed excuse about how hesheit made the mistake on purpose to test us lowly humans about how observant we are and how well we're adapting to the subtle yet irrevocable control that Freds are exerting over our minds. Or maybe hesheit will say that the Freds from whom we've gleaned our bit of understanding of Freds grammar are fakes and that genuine Freds do say "a Fred".

Either way, it'll be lies, lies, lies!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMMMMario
Date: 18 May 05 - 01:18 PM

if you look closely - you will see she is wearing white socks.

foolish child.

Black socks! They never get dirty the longer you wear them the blacker they get!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 05 - 01:15 PM

MOAB Boing! back to the top!
(sorry it's so big. And where are the feet on this child?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 05 - 10:26 AM

Here it is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 May 05 - 09:21 AM

the fCE is all very well and good - but what I want to know is there a Ralph Removal Service?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 18 May 05 - 09:15 AM

Greetings, dear friends.

My name is unpronouncable, restricted by your anatomy and the fact that you exist in too few dimensions. But I am a Healer Of The Mind.

I have information that several freds may have visited your coordinates in the very recent past, and from evidence here I find the information credible. For your own continued existence I suggest that you have nothing to do with these entities.

Of those who have visited you, the entity which called itself "Debbie Earl" was the most dangerous. This entity still exists; that is, it has not opted for nonexistence, but it IS very securely confined in a compassionate two dimensional matrix. It suffers from an occluded gestalt, hyperextension of n-dimensional violence, and a compulsion to extreme termination and reuse of the vitality principles of its sexual and nonsexual partners during pleasuring/reproductive activities.

No rational and/or sane fred would willingly visit the backwater hole of your planetary/dimensional space. I mean, why would they? So an entity calling itself a fred does come, please inform me or call fred Continua Enforcement. Do not attempt to deal with these entities yourself! My contact code is &4!:9A:..66~9341R and I will answer that code during periods of any activity or inactivity. fCE is, of course, available via the usual Emergency Number.

Thank you for your cooperation in making the Universes safer, better places to exist within and without.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs Prime
Date: 17 May 05 - 11:12 PM

HAR! I AM RALPHS PRIME! SOURCE (HAR!) OF ALL RALPHS!! I AM THE RALPH FATHER--HAR!!--AND THE RALPH MOTHER--HAR!--AND THE RALPH SON--HAR!--AND THE RALPHS HOLY HARVEY!!! HAR!! HAR!! HAR!!




Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Norma Fertilesticks
Date: 17 May 05 - 11:02 PM

Hi you funny people!!! Do you remember me? i was here about a year ago and thought this was a pretty funny place to read about the good old bs. I am a year older and I don't swim much latly but I still like to do some dives and stuff. i was in school then and I'm not now so I had to go get a job and now i am making twinkies and snowballs and stuff at Hostess. It's a sucky job but if I don;t help out with making twinkies and snowballs and cupcakes then nobody gets to have the great pleasure of eating them!! I hope you guys keep staying funny and that this bs thread goes on for another year or more so everytime I come here I can laugh out LOUD!!! Love Norma
ps-Does that mean minister still come here? He was giving me a hard time I think becuze I am a virgin and I still am and I am going to be that way till I find my REAL MAN!!! I'm 24 years old now and I don't want those mean pretend people to give me a bad time over this OKAY?Bye you funny PEOPLE! haha! Love Norma


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 17 May 05 - 07:31 PM

Har! If the woman wants Ralphs, she wants Ralphs! Har! No way stinking little puny slimey Freds will do! Har! There are Ralphs and then there is everything else! Har! And everything else is not worth even a miniscule globule of Ralphs expectorant! Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 05 - 07:11 PM

Tell her to go out beyond the horizon in a sailboat. She'll have all the Ralphs she can handle in short order....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 May 05 - 06:55 PM

There once was a girl with three nipples
(Not singles, nor doubles, but triples)
An you I'll not shit
Hanging off of each tit
Were three dangle-ing participles!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 17 May 05 - 01:43 PM

Has anyone seen a Ralf recently, or a Fred that would know where to find one? I have a freind pining despratly for her Ralf, and maybe a subsitute would stop her moaning. Very pretty, no trouble at all....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 17 May 05 - 01:07 PM

I never seem to get good ads. today I'm seeing a lot of insurance - expecially "Senior Insurance" and "That Rapperis no good". No the second ad is a definate truism; but I resent the ad for "senior" insurance. Damn AARP keeps sending me flyers too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 05 - 12:34 PM

What have we been talking about here in the MOAB that has MUSIc Google links turning up? It's actually offering Burl Ives Songs and Free Song Downloads (though look out for that one--it has nasty popups and is one of those take-over-the-computer sites).

Back to the BS. Burl IveS will do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 17 May 05 - 09:25 AM

dangling participles as as dangerous in some swamps as drop-bears are in various wooded areas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 17 May 05 - 09:24 AM

My participle used to dangle, but I got this email from a pharmacy in Western Swamiland that said I could get this drug, I think it was called "Vigaro" or something, that would firm it right up. They needed the numbers of my bank accounts and my passwords to verify that my credit was good and my credit card numbers and stuff so I could pay for the stuff.

Pretty soon I'll never have a dangling participle again and that will make me popular with women and the envy of men. And it's not habit forming or anything like that.

The email also said that it would "add four inches" but I'm not at all interested in being six-six. I'd have to buy all new pants, for one thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,JennyO
Date: 17 May 05 - 12:17 AM

Don't go out in a roofless boat
Or the people in your ship'll
Be attacked by the scourge of the dismal swamp,
The Dangling Participle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 05 - 11:39 PM

Once again RR hits the goat on the head.

Amos, I didn't say that the problem was a dangling participle, I only sent Rapaire off in search of one with the inference that the poem's problem was bad grammar, as is the case with dangling participles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 16 May 05 - 10:43 PM

I think it was the house that drove them both nuts. It's hard to get along with a mean abode, especially if the goat pissed in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 May 05 - 10:04 PM

Well, I think poor Mr Bloat was framed. It was the goat that did it. It plainly says that the wife "continually got his goat".

The poor goat was just worn out from being gotten all the time. So the goat gored the bitch in the throat to get some relief from being continually gotten, and then Bloat sliced her already bleeding throat to cover up the evidence of the goring because he really loved the goat and didn't want him to get in trouble.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 16 May 05 - 09:18 PM

Geez, I knew it was more complicated than I thought. Now we got a guy who's wearing his wife's pajamas cutting her already cut throat!

Maybe she committed suicide when she caught him wearing her things and he was just making sure or something.

I suspect he had very deeply seated relationship problems with women. Wearing her clothing demonstrates clearly that he wanted to be like her (and, by extension, to be part of the Universal Feminine), yet when he found her dead by her own hand he symbolically killed her again -- an obvious attempt to deny his feminine side by "killing" that which symbolized it to him. I would not, however, overlook the possibility that he simply didn't like her taste in nighties and killing her again was his way of showing it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 16 May 05 - 08:56 PM

I don't know where the Skankill Road is -- it could as easily be in the UK as in upstate New York. But people in the UK don't use the expression "get his goat" very much, do they? The combination of this with the improper sentence structure leads one to believe the verse is Yank, and therefore "bloody" i s implied literally, rather than vulgarly, but of course that makes no sense at all. Sigh.

One of histories great Lost Causes is trying to make sense out of something that is inherently non-sensical.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 May 05 - 07:59 PM

"He cut her bloody throat"

One does wonder how her throat got bloody before he cut it...


Ah! But does the author mean "bloody" in the literal sense or in the vulgar intensive sense? If he were to have said "He cut her fucking throat" would we assume she was in the act of performing fellatio when he stabbed her? And if she was, why didn't he stab the guy to whom she was giving the blowjob as well?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 16 May 05 - 07:13 PM

I suggest you learn the difference between a dangling participle and a misplaced modifer. A participle is usually in the for "...ing" and represents an action, the ongoing or abstract sense of a verb.

The couplet

So one day at dawn, with her nightdress on
He cut her bloody throat.


does not contain a participle, dangling or otherwise, since the only verb is in the past tense. It could be argued that "with her nightdress on" is cognitively identical to "wearing her nightdress", but in grammar it is the form that defines things. One does wonder how her throat got bloody before he cut it, as implied by the second line, but that is just more bad writing. Not grammar, and probably not truth.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 05 - 03:27 PM

Probably didn't occur to him. And most people don't wear overcoats or raincoats to bed, unless the roof leaks or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 05 - 11:59 AM

Better then to have donned an overcoat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 May 05 - 11:40 AM

Songwriters write Truth. From The A25 Song to The Zulu King, from The 12th of July to 9420 Wogan Terrace, the Truth is in the songs. There is no "dangling participle" here, there is naught but Truth.

I suppose he could have slipped her negligee on so that his own clothes wouldn't be spattered with blood and all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 16 May 05 - 10:33 AM

sympathy pangs perhaps - no guy really likes to have his participle dangling in public.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 05 - 10:30 AM

Now, now, now. We're all adults here. Do dangling participles embarrass you, Rapaire? Or is it just viewing them in public?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 16 May 05 - 09:16 AM

So, you think that it was a simple grammatical error? I think not. Songs are proofread. Songs are intentional. No songsmith would write a song with a dangling participle or any other error of grammar or fact; the public simply wouldn't accept it. Just look at such songs as "Purple People Eater" or "The George Bush Blues" or "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer."

No. The facts are plainly stated, and there must be some explanation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 16 May 05 - 09:11 AM

MOM! MOM! It's monday morning! you're late for work! get up!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 May 05 - 11:49 PM

See if you can find any songs with dangling participles, will you?

Thanks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 05 - 09:30 PM

And to celebrate Mom's arising, I have a matter for discussion. It fits in the Cafe because yes, it deals with music; but it is quite appropriate here as at its root it is a legal query.

We are all, I assume, familiar with the first verse of that great Irish ballad The Ballad of William Bloat. (If you're not, go look it up in the DT.) If you have momentarily forgotten, here it is:

In a mean abode on the Skankill Road
Lived a man named William Bloat;
He had a wife, the curse of his life,
Who continually got his goat.
So one day at dawn, with her nightdress on
He cut her bloody throat.


Now, we have this guy who, apparently for what he considered good reasons, murdered his wife. So far, so good. They catch him, he suffers the penalty prescribed by law.

Don't you think that it's pushing the definition of "quirky crime" for him to have attempted her murder while wearing her nightie? I mean, was he trying to cop an insanity plea or something? Or was this how he "got his kicks" -- cross-dressing in lingerie and then offing someone?

Please discuss.

Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 May 05 - 11:33 AM

Mom! Why are you so down? Let me give you a boost UP!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 05 - 11:38 PM

Woof Woof!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 14 May 05 - 06:25 PM

How much is that doggie in the Strong Force?
The one with the Heisenberg tail
How much is that doggie in the Strong Force?
I think that it's partly Airedale.

I read in the paper there are robbers
With flashlights that shine in the dark
We all need a doggie to protect us
One that's been crossed with a quark.

We don't want a bunny or a kitty
We don't want a parrot that talks
We don't want a squiddie for a buddie
For one thing a squiddie can't bark.

How much is that doggie in the Strong Force?
The one with the Heisenberg tail.
How much is that doggie in the Strong Force?
I think that it's partly Airedale.
I do hope that doggie's for sale.

(copied right by Dirac and Bohr, 2005)
__________________________________


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Burl Hives
Date: 14 May 05 - 10:21 AM

I had an ol' dog
His name was gluon
He could use an electron
Just to hunker down and poo on

Singing come on, Glue
Yore a good dog, yew.

Gluon was relative
And he carried the force
HIs dad was a duck
And not a horse

Saying, go on Glue
Who the f**k are you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 05 - 06:29 PM

His size will change on you if you measure it. We just reckon he's about right. A cross between a neutrino and an Airedale. One vet told us he was too big for his size, but he said that was not unusual for the breed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 May 05 - 09:42 AM

So how big is Gluon? Or is trying to confine him to a relativly precise size, in a mere three spatial dimensions a really bad idea? We don't want to have to run any more postmen through a probability inversion matrix, like we did last time gloun had one of his funny moods?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 05 - 08:43 AM

Poor old Gluon. I remember the time he fetched a giant squid. Poor pup was confused for a week. I don't think he ever figgered out what all them tentacles were. He kept bitin' 'em, trying to make 'em lay still. Then he found that meter-long penis, figgered it out, and went off and lay in his box for a month, just as depressed as all git out. That was before physicists and biologists figgered out that squids are really just aberrant, unstable, quark pairs. Since then ol' Gluon's been right frisky.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 May 05 - 08:38 AM

They bond for life. If the pair is broken, the other on collapses in on itself to form a chocolate flavoured quark, and emits a shower of neutrenios and hair conditioner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 13 May 05 - 08:26 AM

I'm fascinated that sea quarks occur in pairs. what happens if a seaquark loses hisher twin? Do they seek out another orphan or do they become valance quarks?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 May 05 - 11:38 PM

I liked the squid account better than the quark.

The gluons
are the designated carriers of the strong nuclear force under the
general auspices of the theory called quantum chromodynamics (QCD).


or

His metre+-long penis presumably injects numerous spermatophores directly into the female's arms. The two animals then separate, the male swimming away, probably a bit beat up (possibly having lost parts of his arms and tentacles in the violent struggle, but none the wiser likely repeats this affair with another female (should the opportunity arise). His spermatophores remain embedded in each female's arms - possibly burrowing even deeper into their flesh.

I rest my case. Choose the one that is charismatic, luring you to you to read it. (This IS supposed to be "BS," not "ZZZzzzzzzz...")

Good job, RR!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 05 - 11:30 PM

Well, it just beats me, is al. I can't reckon it nohow. I am glad Gluon has employment as the designated carrier of the strong nuclear force, though, on account of how he's so good at it. Why, when Gluon was just a pup, he'd stop spinning altogether if you threw him some of that nuclear force, and he;d bring it back right off, straight up. Then he'd spin for a while begging for you to throw it again!! He's a nacherl, I'm tellin' ya!


A


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