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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 17 Jan 14 - 10:23 AM
Rapparee 17 Jan 14 - 10:08 AM
Pete Jennings 17 Jan 14 - 07:24 AM
Rapparee 16 Jan 14 - 06:22 PM
gnu 16 Jan 14 - 06:05 PM
Amos 16 Jan 14 - 01:50 PM
gnu 16 Jan 14 - 07:59 AM
Rapparee 15 Jan 14 - 11:13 PM
Amos 15 Jan 14 - 10:55 PM
gnu 15 Jan 14 - 09:59 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 14 - 07:25 PM
gnu 15 Jan 14 - 05:50 PM
gnu 15 Jan 14 - 02:21 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 14 - 10:08 AM
gnu 15 Jan 14 - 07:04 AM
Rapparee 14 Jan 14 - 08:25 PM
Acme 14 Jan 14 - 03:04 PM
gnu 14 Jan 14 - 12:34 PM
Pete Jennings 14 Jan 14 - 10:44 AM
gnu 14 Jan 14 - 10:26 AM
Rapparee 14 Jan 14 - 10:12 AM
Amos 13 Jan 14 - 11:28 PM
gnu 13 Jan 14 - 07:25 PM
Ebbie 13 Jan 14 - 04:41 PM
gnu 13 Jan 14 - 02:47 PM
Pete Jennings 13 Jan 14 - 11:05 AM
Rapparee 13 Jan 14 - 10:19 AM
Pete Jennings 13 Jan 14 - 05:54 AM
gnu 12 Jan 14 - 09:55 PM
Rapparee 12 Jan 14 - 06:47 PM
Amos 12 Jan 14 - 06:20 PM
gnu 12 Jan 14 - 02:56 PM
Acme 12 Jan 14 - 01:31 PM
Pete Jennings 12 Jan 14 - 01:05 PM
gnu 12 Jan 14 - 12:03 PM
Rapparee 12 Jan 14 - 11:54 AM
Acme 12 Jan 14 - 10:41 AM
gnu 12 Jan 14 - 06:58 AM
Amos 12 Jan 14 - 01:00 AM
Rapparee 11 Jan 14 - 03:17 PM
Acme 11 Jan 14 - 12:09 PM
Rapparee 10 Jan 14 - 11:07 PM
gnu 10 Jan 14 - 11:00 PM
Amos 10 Jan 14 - 10:26 AM
Amos 10 Jan 14 - 12:34 AM
Rapparee 09 Jan 14 - 07:19 PM
gnu 09 Jan 14 - 05:32 PM
Rapparee 09 Jan 14 - 03:39 PM
Rapparee 09 Jan 14 - 08:10 AM
Rapparee 09 Jan 14 - 06:15 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jan 14 - 10:23 AM

Someone must compose an elegy to my nearly departed pickup truck. I creased the front bumper, grill, and front of the hood yesterday in a parking lot at work. The signpost stanchion won. Slow moving, no airbag, just a plain silly accident that is the end for this 14-year-old pickup. I was looking to the left as I rolled into it straight in front of me. I know the insurance company will total it and offer low cash, so rather than have a claim I'll trade it in for a used car to drive in the meantime.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 14 - 10:08 AM

Tom was born in St. Louis and lived in London. No more explanation is needed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 17 Jan 14 - 07:24 AM

Blimey. What was he on?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 14 - 06:22 PM

When Lil's husband got demobbed, I said,        
I didn't mince my words, I said to her myself,        
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME        
Now Albert's coming back, make yourself a bit smart.        
He'll want to know what you done with that money he gave you        
To get yourself some teeth. He did, I was there.        
You have them all out, Lil, and get a nice set,        
He said, I swear, I can't bear to look at you.        
And no more can't I, I said, and think of poor Albert,        
He's been in the army four years, he wants a good time,        
And if you don't give it him, there's others will, I said.        
Oh is there, she said. Something o' that, I said.
Then I'll know who to thank, she said, and give me a straight look.        
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME        
If you don't like it you can get on with it, I said,        
Others can pick and choose if you can't.        
But if Albert makes off, it won't be for lack of telling.
You ought to be ashamed, I said, to look so antique.        
(And her only thirty-one.)        
I can't help it, she said, pulling a long face,        
It's them pills I took, to bring it off, she said.        
(She's had five already, and nearly died of young George.)
The chemist said it would be alright, but I've never been the same.        
You are a proper fool, I said.        
Well, if Albert won't leave you alone, there it is, I said,        
What you get married for if you don't want children?        
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME        
Well, that Sunday Albert was home, they had a hot gammon,        
And they asked me in to dinner, to get the beauty of it hot?        
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME        
HURRY UP PLEASE ITS TIME        
Goonight Bill. Goonight Lou. Goonight May. Goonight.
Ta ta. Goonight. Goonight.        
Good night, ladies, good night, sweet ladies, good night, good night.        

                  Tom Eliot, The Wasteland


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Jan 14 - 06:05 PM

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I hate snow blowers
And lawn mowers too

Green or white
I consider a blight
They take my time
Away from rhyme
And away from time
With you

If I had
Time by scads
I wouldn't give a shit
I'd think up things
To post herein
And bore you all with it

What's new ask you?
What's a gnu to do?
Except answer with
I am not boring by choice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 14 - 01:50 PM

Rapparree dwells in the north
ANd lives on grass and venison
It pleases him to make up posts
Ripped off from Alfred Tennyson!
Although he is a jolly fellow
(Some say, who live in Pocatello)
HE better serve his wits vestigial
By writing something more original!

Elder Crankee Panz III
Nickel-plated Dimes
from "The Paleolithic Reader's Book of Olde Poemes"
Haughty and Miffed, New York, 1941


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Jan 14 - 07:59 AM

In light of the above, a fitting work of poetry...

BRAVO! ENCORE! ENCORE!

Dale
A Collection of Short Poems by Louts
Outhouse Publishing, Three Miles in Backa Beyond, circa whenever


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 11:13 PM

Two-twenty-nine posts, two-twenty-nine posts,
two-twenty-nine posts onward,
All in the valley of Fifty Kay
Rode the brave MOABites.
"Forward, the MOABites!
"Charge for the fifty kay!" he said:
Into the valley of BS
Rode the brave MOABites.

2.

"Forward, the MOABites!"
Was there anyone dismay'd?
Not tho' the MOABites knew
No one had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to post and fly:
Into the valley of Fifty Kay
Rode the brave MOABites.

3.

Politics to right of them,
Flame wars to left of them,
Incivility in front of them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the brave MOABites.

4.

Flash'd all their wit laid bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd to air,
All the predictions there,
Charging an army, while
All Mudcat wonder'd:
Plunged in the BS smoke
Right thro' the record they broke;
GUEST and other trolls
Reel'd from the witty strokes
Shatter'd and sunder'd.

5.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild record they made!
All Mudcat wondered.
Honor the record they made,
Honor the MOABites,
Noble two-twenty-nine!

    Pocatello Pete (pseud.), Ripping Off Fred Tennyson: Herkimer, NY: Plagiarized Publications, 1909.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 10:55 PM

Two hundred thirty posts ahead,
A long and tortured way,
OF grumpy farts, and broken hearts,
And clever things to say,
Before the mighty MOAB stream
Achieves her Fifty Kay.

Two hundred thirty different posts!
It seems an awful task,
And we'll run out of answers glib
And questions sly to ask.
And scrape our brains for tattered thoughts
To sledge her on the way
Along the grinding, bumpy road
To reach her Fifty Kay.

But think on this, my MOAB friends,
The celebration roar!
We few--we valiant few--will do
What none have done before.
We'll set a record high as high
No other thread could sway
And glory will rain down on those
Who make the Fifty Kay.

So rub your skulls, and squeeze your brains,
And set your minds to working!
No Facebook 'til your work is done,
No Linked-In circle-jerking.
When duty calls, the dullest lout
Must hasten to the fray!
And duty 'tis that calls you out
To the Fiftieth of Kay!

Gloria Omnes-Tori, First Countess of Many
Rhapsody on High Numbers
Inuit Publishing Services, Nome, Alaska, 1895


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 09:59 PM

Al? I wish. I think it's made up of many a planned obsolescences and none include a reaonable reaity. Ford Motor Company be damned.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 07:25 PM

And NOW, coming to you from the Detroit Car Show, the NEW NEW NEW Ford F150 -- made almost entirely from ALUMINUM!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 05:50 PM

That's a full tank of gas trnsferred into my Ford truck, model POS, from gas cans so I can put fresh gas in the cans to provide power to Mum's house via gennie during a power outage. 5 cans. Big job. Tricky and slightly dangerous with my bad back. Twas 8C and no wind so I took advantage.

Oh, you don't know what a model POS is? Piece of Shit. They have been the standard model since 1997. My 1984 standard tranny straight six F150 got well over 20mpg and I could actually pick things out of the box without a fuckin ladder. This POS gets far less mpg and costs close to $2000 for a total tune up at 100,000km. My old, old, old, old truck? $65.

Wanna buy a truck?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 02:21 PM

34mm X 21mm X 3mm of fragments in aggregate. Ouch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 10:08 AM

"The specimen, received in formalin and labeled "right maxillary sinus", consists of multiple irregular fragments of tan-brown, soft tissue measuring 3.4 x 2.1 x0.3 cm in aggregate. The specimen is submitted in a single cassette."

"...negative for tumor."

That's about the size of a small packet of Post-its. My brother told me last evening, "I told you not to stick them up your nose, that that wasn't a good place to keep them! But NOOOOO, just because I'm younger than you are you never listen to me!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Jan 14 - 07:04 AM

SRS... a medium size black bear would easily drag that away. Maybe sommat a tad more substantial.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 14 - 08:25 PM

They have Bad Breath and Beyond in Canada?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jan 14 - 03:04 PM

Gnu, maybe you need to get yourself one of these and park it near that great tree you described.

Kat didn't post to the MOAB often, but that wasn't why we dedicated a post to her. It was the shock of each of us losing a personal friend, who most of us never met. Irony is a long suit played often here in MOM's thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jan 14 - 12:34 PM

Not whelkome in your kitchen?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 14 Jan 14 - 10:44 AM

Sprouts. Ugh! Even worse than whelks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Jan 14 - 10:26 AM

Someday, I hope I can visit 'Catters all over. Fer now, I'll have to make do with just bein able ta get up ta yer Sobeys. Today, I hope to go even further afiel... all the to Bed Batch & Beyond. I have a coupon! 20% off any single item in the store. Hmmm... maybe it's time for a quality mattress protector.

Yup. That's me. I am a Boy Sprout... always prepared.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 14 - 10:12 AM

Go South, young man! Come to Pocatello! We need more 'hrans here and no one says anything about eccentricities. Well, they do but not to your face.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jan 14 - 11:28 PM

There are many places other than Moncton awaiting your delighted participation, Gnuzer. Make sure you have a fall-back position, and then go fer uit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jan 14 - 07:25 PM

I think I will sell my house. And my truck. And most of my goods and chattels. Turn it all into cash. And put the cash... cold hard cash... into safely deposited boxes in major banks and mattresses. Oh, I will keep my valuables such as my autographed copies of famous people's stuff like my Brady jersey, Kendall's books and CDs/DVDs, Amos' book, my letters from the various Popes and Prime Ministers, my Bodhrans, the works of wood furniture I slaved over, and the like. But, I feel it's time to take stock, to evaluate, to reconcile the bleak future with some reality such that I am not faced with the stark truths which approach me ever so faster at some future date when I shall be far less equipped to deal with them.

Life sucks and then ya die.

May as well get at it eh?

Have a nice day.

Oh! Yeah. When are you going up north to feed yourself to the polar bears, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 13 Jan 14 - 04:41 PM

Oh pooh. It's just that the same persons who name Avon colors name Idaho/Wyoming/Montana features. Means nuttin'. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jan 14 - 02:47 PM

What Pete said.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 13 Jan 14 - 11:05 AM

Wow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 14 - 10:19 AM

Yup. Grand Teton National Park and Yellowstone National Park are only a couple and a half hours drive away. They share a boundary; you can go from one right into the other. Beautiful places -- we go to each at least a couple of times a year. Another nearby place that's beautiful in its own way is Craters of the Moon National Monument -- especially around late May when the flowers come out. Or maybe Gray's Lake; bird refuges are great places to fill in your "life list."   Of course, an hour or so farther out are the Sawtooths, the Frank Church/River of No Return Wilderness, and the Grasslands south of Holbrook. Did I mention Shoshone Falls, or the Bitterroots or the Gates of the Mountains or the Breaks of the Missouri up North of here? Or Bear Lake and that whole area? Or that this here town is located sort of inside the Caribou National Forest, with the valley opening up onto the Snake River Plain and that from my back deck/porch you can look 120 miles over to the Snowy Mountains and the Pioneers and...never mind. You probably wouldn't believe me anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 13 Jan 14 - 05:54 AM

These Tetons, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jan 14 - 09:55 PM

If I could I would share her where I want to go. There is a tree up country. It is within the "protected zone" near a stream. can't be cut down. It is a Silver Birch. It is fuckin massive. Every time I went by it when travelling Gary's Road (I named all the roads up country where I hunted) I would stop and pay homage to "The Tree". I never shot any partridge near that tree out of respect and there were many. I never even took a pic of that tree. I can see it perfectly in my mind right now. Kat would love it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 14 - 06:47 PM

My portion of Kat will be put in the Tetons, probably in the Spring. Things are beautiful there then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 14 - 06:20 PM

Kat contributed a lot to the Mudcat history.

On the other hand, I don't believe she posted to MOAB much at all.

However, I do not feel the case needs to be argued.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jan 14 - 02:56 PM

Good company is what everyone needs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jan 14 - 01:31 PM

The creek is more dignified and wilder. Lots of birds, fish, snakes, turtles, coyotes, fox, turkeys, hawks and herons and ducks and owls, etc. Good company!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 12 Jan 14 - 01:05 PM

I vote for the creek, SRS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jan 14 - 12:03 PM

Excellent suggestion, SRS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 14 - 11:54 AM

"...when it's Springtime in the Maritines it's 48 below...."

We're also approaching page 1,000. That, too, should have special significance.

Chinook yesterday, snow overnight, 30F right now, avalanches up in the hills.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jan 14 - 10:41 AM

We're closing in on the ceremonial 50,000th post, dedicated to our late Katlaughing. I received a little box from Bill D a couple of weeks ago that contains a small portion of her ashes. People decided to let Kat visit and rest in areas with friends, areas she has or hasn't visited. I think the creek behind my house (a year round tributary of the Trinity River) is a lovely little spot, I've spoken about over the years, might be a good place for Kat to start another bit of travel. (Either that or in my new asparagus bed.)

I'll keep an eye out for that big post looming, and we might want to look around for one of her poems (a link) to post (someone put one on the mudcat facebook page recently) and we could ceremonially celebrate her life virtually and personally.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jan 14 - 06:58 AM

All windows open and the furnace fan on. Ahhhh... fresh spring air. The five inches of ice in the driveaways? Gone. The six feet of snow on the front lawn? Four feet. And the temp is forecast above freezing ALL WEEK LONG!!! It's springtime in The Maritimes!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 14 - 01:00 AM

The dentist? He's laughing all the way to the Beemer showroom...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 14 - 03:17 PM

My "chops" are green and blue. Not only were the sockets for two implants installed on the left, but the right sinus was opened and drained of a chronic infection on the right.

But you oughta see da udder guy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jan 14 - 12:09 PM

Between reinstalling programs, getting my laptop at work to consent to rest on the docking station without blacking out, to talk to my monitors, and now to download all sorts of software that a few months ago I was allowed to install via disc, I have not been able to visit MOM often. I'm glad Rap was here to dust her off.

How are the old chops now? Busted or looking better?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jan 14 - 11:07 PM

Sam Colt, it was said way back when,
Made every man equal back then
With his Dragoons and Walkers
And so many more barkers --
Mine are double locked in my den.

For no one is equal to me,
I'm a superior being, you see,
Good looking and smart
With a great loving heart
And a vocal range from C to C.

    O. Ball Reilly, Ballads For All Ages And Those In Between
               (Bliss, ID: Pony-X Press, 1907)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jan 14 - 11:00 PM

Third from suckin scum from the bottom of the barrel?

NAY NAY!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 14 - 10:26 AM

Looks like Chinga finally decided to straighten things out with Chongo and is on the way to find him. Call the press.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jan 14 - 12:34 AM

The man with the 1911
Will never get back home to Glory
For the pearlescent entry to Heaven
Is denied if your visions are gory.
If you conjure up bloodshed and mayhem
Don't aspire to paradise rare
FOr no matter how often you say them
You can't cover your mind with your prayers.

Godfrey McElevant-Devant III,
A Pacifist Rebellion
Mangle and Twitter Press
Proof O'Pudding, Essex, 1948


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jan 14 - 07:19 PM

Mom would NEVER sing something like that! She's very militant pacifist!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Jan 14 - 05:32 PM

Beat up a cop? Like Garryowen?

Let Bacchus' sons be not dismayed
But join with me, each jovial blade
Come, drink and sing and lend your aid
To help me with the chorus:

cho: Instead of spa, we'll drink brown ale
And pay the reckoning on the nail;
No man for debt shall go to jail
From Garryowen in glory.

We'll beat the bailiffs out of fun,
We'll make the mayor and sheriffs run
We are the boys no man dares dun
If he regards a whole skin.

Our hearts so stout have got no fame
For soon 'tis known from whence we came
Where'er we go they fear the name
Of Garryowen in glory.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jan 14 - 03:39 PM

Obviously, dear Mom, I am the only one who cares. Here, let me take that bottle of Old Crow from you and -- keep standing, hold onto that stop sign if you have to -- I'll brush you off and take you home. No, not to Stilly's, she'd just give you tea and crumpets. We'll just step on in here to The Bourbon Barrel and have a hair of the dog and some stew and who knows, maybe you'll get into a rowdy rousing row and get to beat up a cop again!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jan 14 - 08:10 AM

One must also admit that his has a 1911, not a 911, but he rarely does anything about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jan 14 - 06:15 AM

He is simply wonderful, that's all. A true knight errant, always erring but no erring-choker, his delight in the foibles of humanity is evident. Yet he does nothing in meanness even when holding up the simple humanness of humanity as its delights, unless one of them really pisses him off with its utter and complete stupidity.


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