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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 23 Nov 05 - 09:20 AM
Acme 23 Nov 05 - 09:24 AM
Acme 23 Nov 05 - 09:28 AM
Acme 23 Nov 05 - 09:29 AM
Acme 23 Nov 05 - 09:30 AM
Amos 23 Nov 05 - 09:41 AM
Bunnahabhain 23 Nov 05 - 12:28 PM
Amos 23 Nov 05 - 02:03 PM
Rapparee 23 Nov 05 - 02:14 PM
Bunnahabhain 23 Nov 05 - 04:03 PM
Little Hawk 23 Nov 05 - 04:12 PM
Amos 23 Nov 05 - 04:31 PM
Acme 23 Nov 05 - 06:08 PM
Amos 23 Nov 05 - 07:22 PM
Amos 23 Nov 05 - 07:22 PM
Bunnahabhain 24 Nov 05 - 09:46 AM
Amos 24 Nov 05 - 09:56 AM
Rapparee 24 Nov 05 - 04:35 PM
Rapparee 24 Nov 05 - 09:50 PM
Amos 24 Nov 05 - 11:01 PM
Acme 25 Nov 05 - 01:13 AM
Amos 25 Nov 05 - 08:12 AM
MMario 25 Nov 05 - 08:18 AM
Acme 25 Nov 05 - 10:31 AM
Rapparee 25 Nov 05 - 11:04 AM
Paco Rabanne 25 Nov 05 - 11:23 AM
Acme 25 Nov 05 - 01:56 PM
Bunnahabhain 26 Nov 05 - 05:38 AM
Acme 26 Nov 05 - 11:20 AM
Rapparee 26 Nov 05 - 06:25 PM
Acme 26 Nov 05 - 10:14 PM
Acme 27 Nov 05 - 10:47 AM
MMario 28 Nov 05 - 09:13 AM
Rapparee 28 Nov 05 - 09:19 AM
MMario 28 Nov 05 - 09:27 AM
Rapparee 28 Nov 05 - 09:30 AM
MMario 28 Nov 05 - 09:32 AM
Acme 28 Nov 05 - 03:38 PM
MMario 28 Nov 05 - 03:40 PM
Acme 28 Nov 05 - 05:20 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 05 - 07:15 PM
Acme 28 Nov 05 - 09:40 PM
Rapparee 28 Nov 05 - 10:16 PM
GUEST,Amos 28 Nov 05 - 11:49 PM
Bunnahabhain 29 Nov 05 - 07:35 AM
Rapparee 29 Nov 05 - 08:44 AM
MMario 29 Nov 05 - 08:46 AM
Rapparee 29 Nov 05 - 08:53 AM
Acme 29 Nov 05 - 03:01 PM
MMario 29 Nov 05 - 03:15 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:20 AM

I am pleased to see the deposed King Khandu has returned to visit his former regime as a civilian, and that, as he always did in his glory days, he has provided us with the Right Answer.

Anyone know what the Right Question was?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:24 AM

Gathering Leaves
Robert Frost

Spades take up leaves
No better than spoons,
And bags full of leaves
Are light as balloons.
I make a great noise
Of rustling all day
Like rabbit and deer
Running away.
But the mountains I raise
Elude my embrace,
Flowing over my arms
And into my face.
I may load and unload
Again and again
Till I fill the whole shed,
And what have I then?
Next to nothing for weight,
And since they grew duller
From contact with earth,
Next to nothing for color.
Next to nothing for use.
But a crop is a crop,
And who's to say where
The harvest shall stop?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:28 AM

After Apple Picking
Robert Frost

My long two-pointed ladder's sticking through a tree
Toward heaven still.
And there's a barrel that I didn't fill
Beside it, and there may be two or three
Apples I didn't pick upon some bough.
But I am done with apple-picking now.
Essence of winter sleep is on the night,
The scent of apples; I am drowsing off.
I cannot shake the shimmer from my sight
I got from looking through a pane of glass
I skimmed this morning from the water-trough,
And held against the world of hoary grass.
It melted, and I let it fall and break.
But I was well
Upon my way to sleep before it fell,
And I could tell
What form my dreaming was about to take.
Magnified apples appear and reappear,
Stem end and blossom end,
And every fleck of russet showing clear.
My instep arch not only keeps the ache,
It keeps the pressure of a ladder-round.
And I keep hearing from the cellar-bin
That rumbling sound
Of load on load of apples coming in.
For I have had too much
Of apple-picking; I am overtired
Of the great harvest I myself desired.
There were ten thousand thousand fruit to touch,
Cherish in hand, lift down, and not let fall,
For all
That struck the earth,
No matter if not bruised, or spiked with stubble,
Went surely to the cider-apple heap
As of no worth.
One can see what will trouble
This sleep of mine, whatever sleep it is.
Were he not gone,
The woodchuck could say whether it's like his
Long sleep, as I describe its coming on,
Or just some human sleep.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:29 AM

Nature XXVII, Autumn
Emily Dickinson

The morns are meeker than they were,
The nuts are getting brown;
The berry's cheek is plumper,
The rose is out of town.
The maple wears a gayer scarf,
The field a scarlet gown.
Lest I should be old-fashioned,
I'll put a trinket on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:30 AM

Ode to Autumn
John Keats

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
    Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
    With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eves run;
To bend with apples the moss'd cottage-trees,
    And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
       To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
    With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease,
       For Summer has o'er-brimm'd their clammy cells.

Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?
    Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find
Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,
    Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;
Or on a half-reap'd furrow sound asleep,
    Drows'd with the fume of poppies, while thy hook
       Spares the next swath and all its twined flowers:
And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep
    Steady thy laden head across a brook;
    Or by a cyder-press, with patient look,
       Thou watchest the last oozings hours by hours.

Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where are they?
    Think not of them, thou hast thy music too,--
While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day,
    And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue;
Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn
    Among the river sallows, borne aloft
       Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;
And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn;
    Hedge-crickets sing; and now with treble soft
    The red-breast whistles from a garden-croft;
       And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 09:41 AM

I reall y think if you are going to run up serial poetry for the sake of a round number, then there ought to be a rule you have to write it yourself.

But thanks for those lovely pieces, anyway.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 12:28 PM

But that would leave us doing nothing but writing poetry. This is all well and good, assuming your poetry is better than mine. It would also be nice to get paid for it, or in my case paid not to write anything....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:03 PM

Ok, Bunn, if you insist, here: you can have the 1,111,111th post, guaranteed, if you write no poetry between now and then.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 02:14 PM

The smells are stonger than they were,
The nuts are getting worse;
The wino's cheeks are redder still,
Easy Rose is out of town.
The boys at Charlie's wear gayer clothes,
And Harry a scarlet gown
Lest I should be old-fashioned,
I'll put this stinker on.


--Emmie Dickyson, "My Side Of Town," from
Poems For All Occassions, Even Yours
(New York: Blunt Instrument Press, 1901), p. 2,594.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 04:03 PM

That's good. I ran out of 9's yesterday, so 1,111,111 is perfect.

I blame Sir John....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 04:12 PM

Add a pint of whisky and Shatnerize well until ready...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 04:31 PM

Oh, yes you say, yes to the Day,
And likewise, Yes to Night.
And there can be none to gainsay,
You've got the answer right,
As right as rain, true as a bell, and yet
I am, within, concerned,
That if the wrong question thus is met
Then, might we all be burned
With love's chagrin and sorrow hot?
Today, all yesses dance; tomorrow, not.


The turn of autumn, on the tides this dawn
Raised the old smokes on the sea-breast once again.
They lingered for an hour, and were gone
Driven by sunrise into light. And then,
Dews sprang up, lit into life,
The chill drew back into its place,
And it might as well have still been summer's fife
Calling the warmer winds to dance, embrace
Seduce us to its summery game.
Still, the question goes unnamed.

Aloyisius Throckmorton IV,
Hudson Estuary Reveries
1927, New York City
(Self-published)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 06:08 PM

As much as I'd like to, I don't seem to have mastered poetry. Or minored poetry. I love to read it, but I tend toward prose (I just can't see wasting the right hand side of the page!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 07:22 PM

In a while I'll post again
Then the finest shall be mine....
Just now it is 10209...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Nov 05 - 07:22 PM

But NOW it is 10210!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 09:46 AM

Now, I've actually got Mom to load, I really ought to say something, so I shall.

Define 'Shatnerise'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 09:56 AM

Shatnerisation is a condition achieved by any set of a finite number of units whose transactions consist of BS. The complexity rules apply: when the number of BS transactions achieves a certain density a new order of BS emerges such that William Shatner seems to make sense.

This condition also -- but rarely -- occurs within the individual cognitive system, and when it does the individual so affected becomes delusory about positive qualities he perceives to be emanating from said Shatner. While this has no bearing on reality, it can accelerate Shatnerization in a group into which the affected individual injects transactions having an inordinate aberrative vector. This accelerates the normal process, and Shatnerization when catalyzed by such an element, tends toward the catastrophic.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 04:35 PM

Is that like ostercizing or osterizing or easterizing or one of those? Or is it something...awful...that Cthulu once did to a guy who was too damned nosy?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 09:50 PM

"God, I still can't talk about it. I don't want to even think about that frog-like mouth, hideous, that unnaturally long tongue wrapping its slimy self around Bill...the horrid 'shhlluuuurppppp' as he was sucked into the evil creature's maw...my screams echoing off the eldritch stones of that forgotten temple...knowing that Bill, my friend; Bill, the magnificent singer; Bill, the actor who could have gone anywhere, written his own ticket on stage or screen, was no more -- shatnerized in the bowels of Cthulu."
                           -- Kay Sutra, In the Bowels of Cthulu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Nov 05 - 11:01 PM

Dear friends:

I am on the road to San Jose
To see my daughter Barky play,
Which ought to be a world of fun;
And also, she turns 21.
A world of love, fond celebration
And days of highway navigation!
But well worth all fatigue and strife --
It only happens once each life!
If Mom gets thin without me here,
I'm back the last night of the year.
Until which time, I wish Good Seasons,
The best of BS, rhymes, and reason
To all of you who bend your heads
To making Mom the best of threads!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 01:13 AM

The last night of the year?

Does this mean that Amos is going to camp out on his 21-year-old daughter's hospitality for five weeks? Let's hope he understand's Ben Franklin's observation that "fish and visitors stink after three days" and makes that visit a more modest few days, not few weeks!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 08:12 AM

Oh no! I meant, I do remember
The last night of this month (November)
I never meant, as I did write
That I'd return on New Year's night.
Forebear for this flaw, me to lynch;
Or take me for some MOAB Grinch,
Who, hastening to complete the year
Makes Christmas wholly disappear!

We had the best TG ever, playing and dancing and chattering around the groaning board. The world truly has some wonderful folks in it, n'est-ce pas?

MErry Xmas to you all!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 08:18 AM

give my best to Barky!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 10:31 AM

THIS Mom waded through enough pots and pans and dishes last night that she didn't face anything but a clean sink and counter and easy access to my tea kettle this morning. Nose is a little stuffy from a couple of dairy hits yesterday, but the condition is manageable.

My cooking yesterday was interrupted with the arrival of an injured stray pitbull (not my dog, who was an injured stray pitbull in May). Poor guy had gashes around his neck and was dragging a leash that had been looped on itself around his neck. Three of us spotted him at once, I from my kitchen window, a neighbor driving up the road, and the county sheriff. The neighbor caught him, we consulted as we patted the happy sweet natured neutered dog. I called the Humane Society and after hanging out in my pickup camper shell for a couple of hours, I drove to the Humane Society to meet the emergency staff and drop him off. They say his gashes are from a collar that was criminally tight and was embedded in his neck. They do not return dogs to owners who allow this to happen, so this happy boy should have a new good home after he heals. My good deed for the day. I got home and resumed my cooking--the only thing I didn't get made in time for dinner was the dish of stuffing, but I made that later and it awaits plates destined for the microwave.

We're not stirring from this house today. Not to go near any commercial establishments, at any rate. I have a book due at the libary. Let the shopping fools go bend each other's fenders in the stuffed-to-capacity parking lots, or rear-end each other at the freeway exit ramps that backed up onto the highway. I've shopped all year and have very few things to pick up now. Time to start packing and mailing things stashed in my closet.

The dogs have been fed, I've had a nice big piece of apple pie for breakfast, and am nursing along a cuppa hot tea. We'll go work in the yard this morning and I'll have my son rake leaves and throw them on top of the compost. I don't have to cook dinner for a couple of days (at least!) and will probably make my son's day by fixing him an open-face turkey sandwich for a late lunch today. His sister will grouse that she missed them, but she's at a friend's house. First time the kids came in and saw me eating one of these they said "Ewww!" but I gave them each a taste and they devoured the rest of my dinner before my eyes. Now they politely wait through all of the Thanksgiving tradition, knowing that the fresh homemade bread, turkey and gravy is just a day away.

Let "Black Friday" take care of itself. We'll enjoy our own company.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 11:04 AM

Oh, wonderful, wonderful! Amos is with Barky, who plays trumpet! Finally Amos will hear GOOD music instead of banjos, mandolins, ukeleles, bodhrans, sackbuts, bagpipes, violins, cellos, pee-aners, guitars, accordions, timpanies, xylophones, kazoos, and other deceits. The trumpet, and its twin brother, the cornet! The instruments chosen by God Almighty to signal The End! Instruments played by angels (and obviously Barky is such, for she plays trumpet)! The instruments which brought down the walls of Jericho! The instrument of Diz and Miles! How fortunate Amos is, how enchanted his holiday must be, to be with a trumpeter and hear the music of the Celestial Spheres!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 11:23 AM

This post is symmetrical.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Nov 05 - 01:56 PM

You're missing a zero. It's only symetrical in a phantom sort of way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 05:38 AM

This is FT, he's always missing something.....

(and if this is MOAAB, then it's either the point, which has never existed round here, or something with lots of zero's on the end.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 11:20 AM

Speaking of pe-anners, I have to move the furniture so I can reach mine to play again. I've missed it during the remodeling. This weekend I'm bailing out the living room and putting boxes of stuff in the garage (and hopefully it will stay out there and then go away altogether during a garage sale one of these days).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 06:25 PM

Tomorrow my first (and so far only) wife and I shall wing our way back to The West, borne aloft upon our hopes, our dreams, and a 737. And Monday I will again embrace my work, joyously fulfilled by catering to the informational, educational, and recreational needs of the Pocatello Populace, bless their hearts. And Monday afternoon I shall wend my way to Chubbuck, battling the elements all the way, subjecting myself to snow and cold, to ice, to other drivers, in a vain attempt to Keep The Consortium Together just a bit longer.

Fortunate Amos, to hear such music!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 05 - 10:14 PM

Fly home safe, y'all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Nov 05 - 10:47 AM

. . .still flapping and flapping and flapping and flapping. . .don't let your arms get too tired. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Nov 05 - 09:13 AM

Morning Mom! Three days of Christmas behind me, only 9 more to go...7 of them in 1842, one in 2005 and one in the 1500's. This season is exhausting!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 05 - 09:19 AM

Time travel didn't SEEM exhausting the movies. You just jumped into a special car or a special machine and ZAP! you were there (usually). Or you got into a special chamber, like in the Alley Oop cartoon strip. Are you walking or using a bicycle or something?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Nov 05 - 09:27 AM

Time travel in the real world (as oppossed to time travel in fictional works) is achieved via accessing a sub-space continuim of L-space via hyper-ganglionic connections. The degree of meditation and concentration necessary for the willing suspension of dis-belief to achieve the transport is both physically and mentally exhausting - so I usually cheat and use "the door" over at the mudcat tavern - but I wasn't able to find the Tavern - it doesn't appear to be open, so I had to use the hard way.

But I did get shown on a local TV news cast Saturday and they still have the clip up in their archives. www.news10now.com


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 05 - 09:30 AM

Historic Herkimer County murder trial hits the stage??????? Stage? Don't you folks have cars, buses, and/or trains yet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Nov 05 - 09:32 AM

when we say "Rural New York" we mean RURAL - heck - there are folks around here that are still fighting the French and Indian war - let alone the American Revolution!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 05 - 03:38 PM

Great minds think alike, Leo! I was just wishing for a little elbow room and witty conversation in an overheated space--sounds good about now, doesn't it? I kicked some of the clutter out of the Mudcat Tavern at lunchtime and put a pot of cider on to simmer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Nov 05 - 03:40 PM

It's the sub-space hyper-ganglionic connections.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 05 - 05:20 PM

It's in the ether.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 05 - 07:15 PM

Doesn't the ether make you sleepy? I know when I had my tonsils out they used ether and I went right to sleep.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 05 - 09:40 PM

This is the philosophical ether, the stuff that Old World types presumed filled up all of the heavens (before they learned about the limitations of the earth's atmosphere and what is beyond it).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Nov 05 - 10:16 PM

Oh, well then, it doesn't exist. Al Michelson and Ed Morley, back in 1887, did this experiment that disproved the existence of ether (or aether, if you prefer). N.B.: they did this at Case Western Reserve University, the graduate alma mater of, ahem, moi.

(If you want to know about it, do a websearch for "Michelson-Morley Experiment" and you'll find all sorts of information. I'd do it for you, but then you'd never learn.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 28 Nov 05 - 11:49 PM

Michelson-Morley was a failed experiment as far as philosophical aether is concerned. They merely demonstrated that energy waves of the normal material sort don't travel in an invisible aether. But this does not address the set of phenomena which DO depend on an aether of a on-material sort including Akashic record-keeping, transmigration, telepathic communication, love, and people who cheat at State Lotteries.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Nov 05 - 07:35 AM

It's all just Gluons playground. He'll find a tachyon hole at some point you know, and come back and stand next to us and shake himself off, and look pleased with a job well done...

BTW, Google is now selling us laser inferometers. Those are fun toys, which generate some really pretty patterns.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 05 - 08:44 AM

Thank you, but no. I'd prefer one of them semiconducting supercoolers or whatever they are called. There's five (5) linear accelerators right here in town, so I can use one of those whenever I want to, but one of them supercoolers would be great for the beer.

Gluon doesn't have to "come back" because Gluon is here right now -- as well as everywhere/when else. The math of this is beyond my simple grasp of addition or I'd example it all to you, but Gluon might, just might, have become deified.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Nov 05 - 08:46 AM

What about gravity? Don't gravity waves propagate in/through aether? Of course, you should always treat gravity waves with a 3% solution of bleach before propagation to prevent damping off, but that's a complete different subject.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 05 - 08:53 AM

Did I mention that my smallsword came? And the frog as well? It was in my office when I got back, with crepe paper streamers and things on it and a note from the staff that said, "Do not open 'til Christmas." I opened it anyway. Now there is a reproduction of a mid-18th Century smallsword in my office.

I'll take it to fencing tonight, BWAHAHAHAHAHA!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 05 - 03:01 PM

So much for following directions!

I don't have the great cooler nearby, but there is a Superconducting Super Collider in the back yard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Nov 05 - 03:15 PM

Will; a frog be very good at fencing though? And make sure you make him take the streamers and things off before fencing - thoose may be appropriate for Morris dancing, but a little dangerous for fencing!


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