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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 20 Feb 12 - 04:37 PM
Rapparee 20 Feb 12 - 04:03 PM
gnu 20 Feb 12 - 01:42 PM
gnu 20 Feb 12 - 12:56 PM
Little Hawk 20 Feb 12 - 12:43 PM
Amos 19 Feb 12 - 10:28 PM
Rapparee 19 Feb 12 - 10:12 PM
Amos 19 Feb 12 - 08:59 PM
gnu 19 Feb 12 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 19 Feb 12 - 02:21 PM
Little Hawk 19 Feb 12 - 04:17 AM
Amos 18 Feb 12 - 11:40 PM
Little Hawk 18 Feb 12 - 10:40 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 18 Feb 12 - 10:33 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 12 - 10:19 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 18 Feb 12 - 10:00 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 12 - 09:24 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 18 Feb 12 - 08:25 PM
Amos 18 Feb 12 - 06:46 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 12 - 04:01 PM
Little Hawk 18 Feb 12 - 12:12 PM
Rapparee 18 Feb 12 - 11:53 AM
Acme 18 Feb 12 - 10:44 AM
Little Hawk 18 Feb 12 - 10:25 AM
Amos 18 Feb 12 - 08:46 AM
Rapparee 17 Feb 12 - 10:27 PM
Rapparee 17 Feb 12 - 07:49 PM
Little Hawk 17 Feb 12 - 05:20 PM
Amos 17 Feb 12 - 05:15 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 17 Feb 12 - 04:16 PM
Amos 17 Feb 12 - 03:47 PM
Rapparee 17 Feb 12 - 02:49 PM
Rapparee 17 Feb 12 - 01:49 PM
Amos 17 Feb 12 - 01:45 PM
Acme 17 Feb 12 - 01:41 PM
Amos 17 Feb 12 - 11:35 AM
gnu 17 Feb 12 - 11:34 AM
Acme 17 Feb 12 - 11:26 AM
Amos 17 Feb 12 - 10:31 AM
Little Hawk 17 Feb 12 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 17 Feb 12 - 10:14 AM
Amos 17 Feb 12 - 09:37 AM
Amos 16 Feb 12 - 11:25 PM
Rapparee 16 Feb 12 - 09:04 PM
gnu 16 Feb 12 - 03:21 PM
Amos 16 Feb 12 - 03:02 PM
gnu 16 Feb 12 - 02:04 PM
Rapparee 16 Feb 12 - 01:34 PM
Amos 16 Feb 12 - 12:13 PM
Rapparee 16 Feb 12 - 11:17 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Feb 12 - 04:37 PM

What is that, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Feb 12 - 04:03 PM

"There is no problem so big or so complex that it cannot be overcome by the proper calculation and placement of the correct amount of high explosives."
                  --The System Administrator's Motto And Mantra


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Feb 12 - 01:42 PM

A... I dunno if I would denigrate the knowledge of seafaring terminology of a man who knows more about small arms and C4 that you do. You excel at seafaring and Raps likes to blow shit up and shoot what's left. Shiver me timbers!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Feb 12 - 12:56 PM

Awesome.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Feb 12 - 12:43 PM

Okay, here's another new song. About a Budgie. Beauregard the Budgerigar! I recently acquired 4 lovely little Budgies and a sizeable cage, and have been enjoying their cheerful antics ever since. I got the idea for the song just the other day. It clips along ominously in the key of A minor....

Beauregard the Budgerigar                                        Key of Am

Beauregard the Budgerigar's intent on world dominion
He sits there boldly on his perch and contemplates his pinions
He bows to no authority and takes no human orders
Beauregard has plans that reach beyond his cage's borders

Beauregard's a bird who has Napoleonic visions
He sees himself commanding Budgie armies in divisions
Of green and yellow, blue and white with nipping beaks a-flashing
Beauregard intends to send the human world a-crashing

He flexes little wing muscles and preens his long tail feathers
And keeps an eye upon the news, the markets and the weather
The time will come, he knows, to sound a birdie clarion call
That will shatter every window, and rattle every wall

Beauregard has memorized a Budgie Manifesto
To set all Budgies free at last when Beauregard chirps "Presto!"
And sets his legions loose upon a world that's unsuspecting
A billion Budgies can't be stopped! These plans he is perfecting.

The time will come when Mrs Jones decides to clean his cage
Then Beauregard will strike! And Mrs Jones will know the rage
Of a Budgie Caesar on the march...her fate will be quite nasty
Beauregard intends to give the bitch a rhinoplasty

Then Beauregard will free all other Budgies in the realm
And at his feet they'll bow and Beauregard will take the helm
And steer the Budgie ship of state to triumph and to glory
And every future Budgie ever hatched will know his story

The buildings will be all torn down, and trees put in their places
A perch on every hand, and beady eyes on all the faces
A cuttlebone for every bird, a birdbath and some millet
A bowl of seeds for every bird, and a human slave to fill it

It's quiet in the house tonight, the humans all are sleeping
Yet in the darkness I can hear a soft, portentous peeping
It's Beauregard rehearsing as the final day draws near
It's Beauregard the Budgie, he's a bird who knows no fear
Yes, it's quiet in the predawn hours, the humans all are sleeping
Yet in the darkness I can hear a soft, portentous peeping....

Copyright   ©   2012   George Coventry


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Feb 12 - 10:28 PM

Oh. So you know all that--or at least where to find it--but you don't know much about chafing gear? Was it your knowledge or your ignorance that was an overweening pretense? Or perhaps, both?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Feb 12 - 10:12 PM

Great guns! I'll grease yer ways, ye derelict dead Marine! Ye'll cut the painter and after I've scuppered and careened ye! I'll hull ye between wind and water! Ye think ye've plain sailing and an even keel when ye talk of me lack of nautical ways, but it's only nausea for ye and not nautical. Ye're the kind that'd bring a preacher aboard, ye waster! Ye'd eat bananas aboard a boat, I swear!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Feb 12 - 08:59 PM

Seems clear that the world of nautical terms still drifts somewhere beyond the wide edges of Rapp's ken, but hell, I can forgive provincialism.

LH, that there is a mighty fine song. I wish you success with it!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Feb 12 - 03:25 PM

Good song, LH.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Feb 12 - 02:21 PM

Amos is an artistic creation -- Cubist, I think, or Dadaist. Maybe nihilist. Maybe all three.

I liked it, anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Feb 12 - 04:17 AM

What? All you can engage in is mean-spirited sniping at Chongo after I have poured out my heart writing a brand new song and have posted it for YOUR specific enjoyment!!!???

Fie, sir, fie! You are as a creeping pox upon the fair face of artistic creation and appreciation alike.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 11:40 PM

Chongo's fantasies--being second order derivastive imaginings--are pale dishwater and wino piss compared to the rich muscular manly ending the Bookman just experiencved.

Too bad. Someone should tell Rapparree about the bad endings that come to those who are over-generous with diseases.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 10:40 PM

Awright, enough of this macho BS!

I promised Amos some poetry. Here is a song I wrote today:

The Best Way That I Can                                Key of Bb (G, capo 2)

I'm playing out this role
The best way that I can
Thunder in my head
Lightning in my hands
A fire in my heart
Burning down this road
And if you need a hand
I'll help you bear the load

I came here out of nowhere
A place no one can see
And I'll return there someday
Back to eternity
Where Angels cross the sky
Where life's an endless chain
That can't be bought or broken
That bears no mortal stain

I see an eastern moon
Rise above the trees
And from the west horizon
I feel the gentle breeze
That moves across this land
Sings in a million songs
And sheds the light of truth
On every right and wrong

I've known the love of friends
Those who have proven true
The healing touch of love
That I've received from you
And I will not go down
Until my work is done
And I will sing my songs
Until that crossing comes

And I will sing again
Upon a golden shore
And I'll embrace my friends
Those who have gone before
And I will kiss each lover
Each one who gave her hand
And shared one hour of joy
Here upon this ancient land

These lives we have moved through
We've been like spirits passing
Like beams and shadows falling
On fields of everlasting
Like birds that fly at dawn
We rest when sunset comes
And shine like stars in darkness
Brave as a million suns

I'm playing out this role
The best way that I can
Thunder in my head
Lightning in my hands
A fire in my heart
Burning down this road
And if you need a hand
I'll help you bear the load

Copyright   ©   2012    George Coventry


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 10:33 PM

Man, I have gotta get you in Chicago and hire you for my next encounter with the NSGs (North Side Gorillas). The way you TALK, I might not even have to lift a finger. They'd probably all just run away. On the other hand, they might kill you just to shut you up. If so, I would have plenty of time to get in a good firing position, and take 'em all out a second or two after they finished stompin' yer sorry ass into the pavement. And I would put flowers on yer grave afterward too, cos I'm a nice guy.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 10:19 PM

Chongo, I don't fight unless I mean it. Them so-called "fights" you get into, with chair smashing and swinging from the lamps, ain't a fight. Now, see, if you tried that stuff with me -- say, bashing me with a chair -- I'd kick you right in the belly or lower and then break both your knees and your elbows and then I'd start with the tough stuff. That's cause my mother was an erupting volcano and my father was an earthquake. I used to wrassle wildcats when I was jist 2 years old, and the day I was born I strangled a rattlesnake in each hand and then drank a gallon of whiskey to celebrate! I kin outshoot, outshout, outlie, out fight, out drink, and out everything any ten men or twenty chimpanzees! Where I walk people bow low with respect and a rumor of my presence makes the mountains themselves tremble in fear! My brother is the lightning and my sister is the thunder! I kin catch more fish, shoot more elk, deer and moose, and kill more grizzlies with my bare hands than anyone who ever lived! Stand back, you damp sponge, or I'll wring you out!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 10:00 PM

Still tryin' to teach your Grandma how to steam open letters and forge checks, Rap?

I know how a real fight goes. I was talkin' about a fight between you and Amos, see? I would not call that a "real" fight.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 09:24 PM

The "chafing gear"??? You dock your schooner by settin' out chafing dishes and the ship's silver from the Wardroom? Ain't you afraid the dock rats in Papeete or Sandy Ego will steal it or at least scratch it?

Chongo, a real fight goes like this, because you obviously don't know. I'm assuming you're fighting a right-handed person.

1. Move in close, turning slightly to your left as you do to protect your "groin".
2. Blocking with your left arm, slam the bottom of the palm of your right hand against your opponent's chin while at the same time shoving your fingers into his/her eye sockets, grabbing the lower orbits of the skull and pushing backwards.
3. As you do #2, above, sweep your right leg behind her/his calves. Your opponent will fall to the floor.
4. Jump with all your weight onto the middle of his or her chest. Jump up and down a couple of times just to hear the ribs crunch.
5. Go wash your hands and, if you feel like it, call an ambulance so they can call a hearse.

Elapsed time: about 20 seconds, not counting the phone call. Add ten seconds or so if the person has a gun or knife, add thirty seconds if you want to roll them after they're out of commission.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 08:25 PM

I can see where this is gonna end. Amos and Rap will each issue a triple-dog-dare challenge to the other to meet "after school" at the vacant lot and have it out. There they will face off in fronta their friends (the maybe 3 or 4 they have) and a crowd of bored kids who ain't got nothin' better goin' than to watch a pair of incompetent puffballs attempt to give each other a poundin'.

After a whole lotta empty boastin' and threats, accompanied by boos and catcalls from the impatient crowd, they will finally raise their fists, both scared outta their wits, and start circlin' each other in a wary fashion.

One of 'em will try a preliminary swing which will meet empty air as the other rapidly backpedals. The crowd will laugh and jeer. More futile blows at empty air will fail to meet the mark. Finally someone will sneak up behind one of our flailin' heroes and bodily push him into the other one, precipitatin' a wild struggle that features slaps, headlocks, hair pullin', chin pushin', ear twistin', kickin', pinchin', eye pokin', noogies, low blows, and other girlie tactics along that general line. They will end up rollin' around in the dirt and gettin' all red-faced with torn clothing, superficial scratches, and little real damage.

About that time their Mommy (MOABS) will arrive in a fury, the crowd will scatter and run, and the two tearful lads will be dragged off by their ears, one on each side, and given a good paddling to teach them not to get into fights.

Peace will return to the MOABS. And I will have a shot of whisky and turn up the sound on tonight's radio show, a rerun of the old program "The Shadow".

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 06:46 PM

AMos laughed in his snug Captain's cabin as the first harbor lights drifted past the porthole.

Man, the fantasies that Book Master could spin up. Even to thevery end, he didn't believe his garrulous fictions had finally caught up with him.

Ah, well. The chafing gear was in place, the mooring lines being run out, and in the wet, dark midnight air, the vessel was snugging down once again in her familiar berth.

It wouldn't be the same without the Book Manne, the skipper thought. Probably just as well, though.

He poured himself a tot of single-malt to celebrate, and dragged thoughtfully on his pipe. Some will have to tell our Mom, he thought. But it won't be me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 04:01 PM

Mutiny
Now he's not the Captain that he used to be
Because the crew believed
In mutiny....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 12:12 PM

Heh! The plot thickens. I've heard about Kakapupu. Nice place, but you want to keep to the windward side.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 11:53 AM

Below deck Dirty Hans quietly awakened the others. Knives, knotted rope ends, marlinspikes, whatever could be used as a weapon filled their hands and silent on their calloused bare feet they sneaked towards the Captain's cabin. They opened the door and out of the darkness a voice said, "What? Are we aground again?" but without a sound a cosh caused a sudden silence.

The First Mate helped wrap the body in canvas and roped it upright against a bulkhead.

Meanwhile, the ship had turned and was beating back towards the azure seas of the South Pacific.

Fortunately no drilling had been required, and the buckets began, drop by drop, to fill when the spiles were inserted.

"Good enough," whispered the First Mate. "We'll boil it down for syrup when we've got twenty gallons and there should be plenty more where that came from. Now let's make sail for Kakapupu."

Dirty Hans sniffed. "Drop the Book Master overboard, will he? Good that we were below to catch him and toss the Captain's Chest overboard instead! He won't be needin' it anymore!"

And to the drip,drip, drip of nascent maple syrup the crew turned to their duties, watch and watch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 10:44 AM

factual narrative

MOM heard you just now - don't you remember the last time someone said that? She locked herself in the attic for a week. Keep your voice down!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 10:25 AM

Whoo-Hoo! Very atmospheric, Amos. I like it.

Tell you what. I'll post some song lyrics here in a bit, since you've been upbraiding me for lack of creativity from time to time.

Wait for it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 08:46 AM

Wet, salt air in the dark. The small slaps of low waves , staccato on piers and timbers. There is a light wind, a small moon, and a scud of thin clouds over the thick warm night. The schooner moves in her sleep, strains mooring lines of old hemp, settles back, nodding slightly, to her fenders. Waves slap and the breeze dances among her lazy lines. The moist ocean-dew coats the rails, the hatchways, the belaying pins around the mainmast, glancing the moonglow into the night.


In real time, yesterday was long and intense. Finished a major patent application, then went to a writer's group meeting which was very lively. Then came home and did a two and a half hour counseling session and then fell into bed and slept until five int he morning.

Back on the schooner, the beefy hands snore below decks, heating the cabin air with their dreaming breaths. They are weary and sleeping deeply. They had been off the point all night, out beyond the five-mile line, where the fathoms multiply into the black water and whales sing in the fall. At six bells of the midnight watch they had heaved to, facing the slow swell on the port bow, the bowspirit nodding between sky and dark water, and they had manhandled a large and bulky object to the quarterdeck rail. The thing was heavy--even without the added lead it would have been two hundred pounds of mass, wrapped in grimy canvas. When the boatswain finished with it, it would have weighed three hundred as he sewed it up. The hands rolled and heaved it onto a wide oak plank and raised it carefully to the quarterdeck rail and balanced it their, have outboard over the lapping black water.

Capn Amos, wan in moonlight and broad in his dark sea peacoat,stepped to the side of the thing, laid a hand on it, and intoned a quiet prayer. "We commit your sins and errors to the deep."

Then he nodded a signal to Curly and Left Jack, and the long bulky form was tilted slowly on its plank until it slid, reluctantly, into the moon-glittering sea and was slowly swallowed by blackness and deep water.

Amos stared at the dark water and sighed. He would tell no-one what had become of the mortal remains of the Book Master. No-one needed to know, and the story was too ugly for most people's ears. Better the tale should remain untold.

He moved to the binnacle and whispered instructions to Right Jack at the helm. The schooner fell off, and picked up way, and turned toward harbor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 10:27 PM

Word has come from the See Dee See
Word has come to my town
Word has come from the See Dee See
They tell me bold Amos ain't dead.

It's Maple Syrup Urine Disease, almost certainly stemming from some indiscreet liaison with a diseased Acer saccharum during his youth in the Northeast, likely in Vermont. He's been sent home where, during the early spring, he can be sap tapped for syrup.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 07:49 PM

Denial and transference -- the penpenultimate final stages. Tsk, tsk, poor Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 05:20 PM

Ah, Amos...if you only knew what a killer song I have written, based on the inspiration sparked by these "imaginary" posts of yours.

If you are nice to Chongo, I may even share the eventual flood of royalties with you. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 05:15 PM

Imaginary monkey
Dreams of imaginary fights
FOr imaginary vengeance for
Imaginary slights.
Imaginary places
For imaginary woes,
Imaginary faces
An imaginary nose,

Tell me how long
Do I have to wait?
Oh, can I wake up now?
Or must I hesitate?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 04:16 PM

Y'know, I can arrange for a space in a Chicago gym where you two bozos can settle yer differences in the old style...boxing gloves or bare-knuckled. Teeth too, if that turns yer crank. There's also a secluded spot outside-a town where the North Side Gorillas and South Side Baboons like to take their personal differences and professional disputes and arguments about the peckin' order in their respective organizations. It's in the woods, but they have cleared a large area as a "free fire" zone, if it's ranged equipment you like usin'.

Lemme know, okay?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 03:47 PM

J'accuse! The once coherent Manne of Booques, sad to say, has succumbed to the ravaging inroads of DBD (Drooling Bookmeister Disorder) and evidently has slipped across the nebulous no-man's land between reality and phantasmagorical hallucination.

In this condition he may not be able to differentiate between BS and factual narrative, which as you know, is a critical faculty if one is to generate anything approximating decent BS.

Out of sympathy I will not further chastise him for any drooling idiocies which emanate from his region until (let us hope) the condition clears up. If it is not his fault, but the way he was drawn, I do not feel trying to correct his far-flung errors will serve any good purpose.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 02:49 PM

Word has come that Amos failed both a test for MSUD and a Wassermann Test. Testing for Anoplophora glabripennis and Verticillium have begun; these conditions might well derive from his childhood.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 01:49 PM

His frontal lobes are riddled. Quelle domage!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 01:45 PM

YEs ma'am, the misbehavior of prions is the genus of Mad Cow, as far as we know, and also possibly the hidden source behind the less well-documented Drooling Bookmeister Disorder.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 01:41 PM

gnu if no one is around it doesn't matter if he's in front, behind, or inside.

Of course you were talking about proteins. Isn't this some of what was discussed with Mad Cow Disease? I'm asking off the top of my head, not looking anything up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 11:35 AM

PRions are not atomic particles, Stilly! :D They are insane proteins.

Taking Sir Rapp to the woodshed has now assumed a high prionity for me.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 11:34 AM

"To" the woodshed? Not behind the woodshed? Hmmm.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 11:26 AM

Amos, you'll have to drop the atomic particle talk and just take him back to the woodshed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 10:31 AM

I gotcher damn prions right here, big guy. Come and get 'em.

This sort of drooling tomfoolery with its ad hominem trimmings is really beneath you, you know. Mom raised you better. I have to ask you seriously, please. Please. Stop hurting America.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 10:17 AM

This sounds serious. He may be in an even worse condition than Chongo!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 10:14 AM

The CDC workers at the Class VII facility where Amos is receiving medical care report he is delusional, with manic periods of depression in which he believes that he is more-or-less healthy and that he can still play guitar. He has had to be actively restrained from harming himself and/or others.

A prion disease is suspected.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 09:37 AM

Actually I have developed a small cold since Rapparee started posting his hallucinations about my health. The ratio between the magnitude of the postulate by Rap and the actual effect in my nose is about 10,000:1 I think. Interesting. Perhaps he is trying too hard to make me sick.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 11:25 PM

Ha. I eat MCRD raw meat for breakfast three days a week. The other four days I eat librarians.

On demand only.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 09:04 PM

Amos is abscessing. He's been taken to the CDC's main shop in Atlanta via a mobile patient isolation unit courtesy of the US Air Farce. Word is, the entire crew will be quarantined for several weeks and the aircraft burnt.

They're not sure what he has, but all of the parakeets in his neighborhood are dead and the US Marine Corps recruiting depot is very concerned for the recruits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 03:21 PM

Glad to not see a comma after "delusional", A. I like to know I don't make you uncomfortable when talking about getting the finger.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 03:02 PM

Geeze, you can count on gnuzer for vivid reality, and on Rapp for equally vivid unreality. They are like polar twins, dude!! Awesome!! One a bit too real, the other a bit too delusional for comfort.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 02:04 PM

Did you know that an enlarged prostate can unenlarge. I was delighted when the doc said, "Back to one exam a year." VERY delighted. Kinda took the sting out of it.

Does a hyper tie rod have somethin ta do with yer streering system? The opto and the nerdo said they highly doubted it I was hyper (the opto wouldn't have said anything until I told him about my eyes protruding from the sockets being a slight problems when I sleep) but that I should be checked out so my GP has ordered me stuck and bled.

Did you know that ya can't have certain blood tests for at least 4 days after ya have a finger shoved up yer ass? Although, it did kinda feel like his finger was in far enough to poke me in the thyroid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 01:34 PM

I've received word that buboes are appearing in his armpits and groin and exuding a blackish pus. This could be something other than mumps.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 12:13 PM

I think both orchitis and miscarriage have already occurred here in Mom's house, so I do not have to worry about them. Rapparree has taken all those insults for me, and they say lightning never strikes twice in the same place. Thank you sir, thank you.

And while I appreciate the impish delinquency of your obsessive projection, I do encourage you to find more deserving targets onto whom to cast your gangrenous misapperceptions.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 11:17 AM

He has to keep the room dark too while his cheeks are all swollen or orchitis or miscarriage is possible. Quiet and dark and no excitement for Amos for the next couple of weeks.


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