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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 07 Feb 11 - 10:12 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 11 - 09:14 PM
Amos 07 Feb 11 - 08:05 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 11 - 08:04 PM
Little Hawk 07 Feb 11 - 05:36 PM
Amos 07 Feb 11 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 11 - 02:25 PM
gnu 07 Feb 11 - 02:25 PM
Amos 07 Feb 11 - 10:59 AM
Rapparee 07 Feb 11 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 07 Feb 11 - 12:11 AM
Amos 06 Feb 11 - 11:55 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 11 - 10:44 PM
Little Hawk 06 Feb 11 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 11 - 10:32 PM
Eiseley 06 Feb 11 - 10:11 PM
Amos 06 Feb 11 - 06:53 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 11 - 06:46 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 11 - 06:45 PM
Amos 06 Feb 11 - 01:01 PM
Acme 06 Feb 11 - 12:36 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 11 - 12:06 PM
Amos 06 Feb 11 - 12:03 PM
Amos 06 Feb 11 - 11:49 AM
Little Hawk 06 Feb 11 - 11:16 AM
Amos 06 Feb 11 - 10:00 AM
Rapparee 06 Feb 11 - 08:46 AM
Amos 05 Feb 11 - 11:18 PM
Acme 05 Feb 11 - 09:35 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 11 - 08:52 PM
Eiseley 05 Feb 11 - 07:58 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 11 - 06:36 PM
Amos 05 Feb 11 - 04:26 PM
Amos 05 Feb 11 - 04:03 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 11 - 03:46 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 11 - 03:46 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 11 - 03:46 PM
Acme 05 Feb 11 - 10:49 AM
gnu 05 Feb 11 - 05:16 AM
Acme 05 Feb 11 - 01:45 AM
Rapparee 04 Feb 11 - 09:49 PM
Rapparee 04 Feb 11 - 08:49 PM
Little Hawk 04 Feb 11 - 08:02 PM
Amos 04 Feb 11 - 07:53 PM
Rapparee 04 Feb 11 - 06:19 PM
Little Hawk 04 Feb 11 - 04:01 PM
Ebbie 04 Feb 11 - 03:14 PM
Eiseley 04 Feb 11 - 03:03 PM
gnu 04 Feb 11 - 02:30 PM
gnu 04 Feb 11 - 02:24 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 10:12 PM

Yours comes from the Department of Anarchic Rebuttal, plasma-boy, not from the ancient Board of Poetes Lyrick. Those DAB guys will issue anyone any license in the world if you slip them a fin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 09:14 PM

Oh. Only a level 8 license, huh? I have a Level 1.0 license, lifetime issue, license to ignore or use meter, scansion, rhyme, alliteration, assonance, personification, and all that other poetical stuff as I see fit. As a Level 8 you, Amos, must stick to the "rules" of trochee, anapest, dactyl, falling meter, enjambment, pyrrhic, iamb, tercet, spondee, et al. Of course, this does mean that you have been promoted from a Level 9, where all you could write were dirty limericks because the "clean" ones were too difficult, so perhaps there is some little hope for you. I'll be happy to nominate you for a Level 7.8 if you'll respond in a spondee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 08:05 PM

Merriam Webster seems to think donjon and keep are alternative terms, which would make "donjon keep" a poetical repetition which I am entitled to under my U.S.-issued Poetic License AXOLOTL-8-54-789.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 08:04 PM

Heavens! I'm gong to be attacked by a medieval dachshund! Alack and alas! the dog shall undermine mine castle walls yip all night so I cannot get restful sleep! Whenever I catapult a ball of stone it will chase it and bring it back! Oh, whoa is me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 05:36 PM

Yes! And if some fresh cooked wieners are placed on the far side of yon bastion, my wiener dog will batter it down with indecent haste and absolutely unstoppable determination!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 03:25 PM

It is as a psychological defense that I refer to it, sirrah; your stout reinforced oaken doors are keeping out even the slightest glimmer of my earnest humor. What excellent defenses for your precious validity. The merrymakers of the world will surround your bastion and shower it with laughter and applause. But it remains to be seen whether any of it will get in. Little Hawk has offered his weiner dog as a battering ram.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 02:25 PM

Amos, the "keep" was the central tower of a castle, the place of last resort during a siege. The "donjon" was rarely a place of imprisonment, as we think of them today, but rather below-ground storage rooms for food and other necessities that would be needed during a siege. The portcullis, being a grate, would hardly block noise. A "donjon keep" wouldn't have a portcullis, although the entrance to the "donjons" might have a sturdy, iron-reinforced, door. Remember that the castle was intended as a military strong point and was never meant to be a place of partying it up or a snug and warm home (although it could and was used as both).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 02:25 PM

A trap door? I like the high end options like this guy describes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 10:59 AM

You have to call out a little louder, Rapp--it's hard to hear you yelling from the depths of your donjon keep when the portcullis is down.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 10:46 AM

Good Morning, Mom! Let me be the first to congratulate you! Amos finally stayed out of jail for a whole night AND a whole day! You have every reason to be proud of him -- that hasn't happened since he was four years old.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 11 - 12:11 AM

My home IS a castle, Amos. And LH, under the welcome mat is an oubliette.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 11:55 PM

MWahahaha! I was talking about the door to your house, Rapparree, not the door to your Precious Validity!! :D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 10:44 PM

No, Eiseley. This is a lid, and this is a roof, albeit a trifle ornate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 10:35 PM

Nice place, man. I hope you have cauldrons of boiling oil and big stones ready to throw from up on the battlements in case of unwelcome visitors. One should always be prepared.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 10:32 PM

Humph. Here's one that should give you a better idea of my front door.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 10:11 PM

Thank you for the kind invitation, Amos. And Rapparee, what do you mean you have a roof?!? It sure looked like a lid last time I looked over there.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 06:53 PM

Forbidden

You don't have permission to access /59/4/8/80/2045408800027144592biHotF_fs.jpg on this server.

That's only going to keep out very select riff-raff, you realize...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 06:46 PM

To complete what I was saying: Here's a shot my front door and entry. The sign is to keep out riff-raff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 06:45 PM

I'm glad you have a door, Amos. Here's a shot of , open for the h


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 01:01 PM

t doesn't matter, does it, pal? We're of that breed of men
With whom the world of wine and cards and women disagree;
Your trouble was a roofless game of poker now and then,
And "raising up my elbow", that's what got away with me.
We're merely "Undesirables", artistic more or less;
My horny hands are Chopin-wise; you quote your Browning well;
And yet we're fooling round for gold in this damned wilderness:
The joke is, if we found it, we would both go straight to hell.

(Robert Service)



You guys go ahead and laugh. You may have doors, like most people do, of the ordinary sort--pine or oak, with little appliqued designs laid on in rectangles or such, good enough to keep people from just walking in. But MY door is solid beech of a beautiful dense, perfect-grained and glowing and true. It has six coats of fine varnish and it weighs so much it would take two men to move it under ordinary circumstances. It is golden-red and it close with a masterful solid clunk! and a sharp click! to let you know you are safely and firmly and absolutely In and All That is now Out. It lets you know even a mad bull elephant wouldn't get in without some trouble. It is a Door among doors, a Perfect Beauty of a Door. I am most pleased with it. Scoff as you will, I am happy behind my door.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 12:36 PM

AND - Amos - I have windows! Imagine that! Light (and dogs) come through to keep me from burning up baskets by lighting candles during the day. I'll send photos. (My dogs already know about your roof, Rapparee, I heard them talking about it last week!) Roof! Roof!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 12:06 PM

LH, I have a roof I'm really proud of. It's not level so the snow and rain don't pool on it and leak or anything! And it's ABOVE the house so the house keeps dry! Amos probably doesn't have a roof because he says that the weather is Sandyago is perfect.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 12:03 PM

V:

We broke through Thirty Nine and Five
In a frozen winter fog
As thick as mud, as cold as blood,
In a frozen cold sled dog.
There was no way out but forward,
We'd gone too far to return
And every man just yearned for warmth
And an end to the endless turns.
You couldn't see past the lead dogs ears
And the ice was treacherous thin,
But the only way out was to forge ahead
While your flesh came apart in the wind.

Mush on! Mush on! Each driver yelled
Though the dogs acted mean and afeared
And I guess they knew there was something wrong
As the drivers cussed, and steered.
Then the black ice cracked, and the dark wind roared
With a sound like the birth of sin
And the ground opened up next to one of the sleds,
And Little Hawk, he fell in.
And his sled and traces, dogs and food
Went tumbling into that maw
And the rest of us came to a fearful halt
And our hearts beat hard and raw.

There was never a trace of the Hawkster left
Or his dogs, or his smile, or his sled.
And the fog rolled down to that terrible grave
And we left him there, for dead.
So we closed our ranks, and we cracked our whips;
There was nothing left to say
But "Mush" to the dogs and "Screw you" to the gods,
And to slog on towards Forty Kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 11:49 AM

Oh, ye twisters of context! I was merely responding to Fayre Eiseley's expressed wish to go in and out of this fine new door. Next eweek, the Fronte Doore will be replaced also (this one is the office door). Great beauty will be visited upon the Lande therebye.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 11:16 AM

I have a floor at my place, Amos! It's level, so you can walk on it and everything. I'll send some pictures if you like.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 10:00 AM

SOCRATES: … Among the ancient gods of Naucratis in Egypt there was one to whom the bird called the ibis is sacred. The name of that divinity was Theuth, and it was he who first discovered number and calculation, geometry and astronomy, as well as the games of checkers and dice, and, above all else, writing.

Now the king of all Egypt at that time was Thamus, who lived in the great city in the upper region that the Greeks call Egyptian Thebes … . Theuth came to exhibit his arts to him and urged him to disseminate them to all the Egyptians. Thamus asked him about the usefulness of each art, and while Theuth was explaining it, Thamus praised him for whatever he thought was right in his explanations and criticized him for whatever he thought was wrong.

The story goes that Thamus said much to Theuth, both for and against each art, which it would take too long to repeat. But when they came to writing, Theuth said: “O King, here is something that, once learned, will make the Egyptians wiser and will improve their memory; I have discovered a potion for memory and for wisdom.” Thamus, however, replied: “O most expert Theuth, one man can give birth to the elements of an art, but only another can judge how they can benefit or harm those who will use them. And now, since you are the father of writing, your affection for it has made you describe its effects as the opposite of what they really are. In fact, it will introduce forgetfulness into the soul of those who learn it: they will not practice using their memory because they will put their trust in writing, which is external and depends on signs that belong to others, instead of trying to remember from the inside, completely on their own. You have not discovered a potion for remembering, but for reminding; you provide your students with the appearance of wisdom, not with its reality. Your invention will enable them to hear many things without being properly taught, and they will imagine that they have come to know much while for the most part they will know nothing. And they will be difficult to get along with, since they will merely appear to be wise instead of really being so.”

PHAEDRUS: Socrates, you’re very good at making up stories from Egypt or wherever else you want!




As you can see from this fine example, the art of BS goes back a loooong way.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 11 - 08:46 AM

Wow! A door to go in and out of! What will they think of next? I've just been running through the wall all these years! Is this a new invention? Amos, did you think it up yourself? Did you patent it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 11:18 PM

The new dooor is JUST the thing for going in through and out of. It seems perfectly suited, as though ten thousand years of evolution had finely tuned it to serve this purpose to perfection. I have instructed it to allow you unlimited passage at your preference.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 09:35 PM

You need a dog to alert you to your burning basket. Poppy is available on a case-by-case basis, first class travel and a generous per diem allowance required.

In the meantime, please keep your basket and candle in the fireplace.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 08:52 PM

I used to keep my light under a bushel, Amos, but it set the basket on fire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 07:58 PM

So the new door came! I wish I could go in and out of it. Someday . . .

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 06:36 PM

I'd say you do. Certainly. Enjoy it while you can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 04:26 PM

Did you notice that my post was 39,502? You know what that means? That means the content of post 39,500 was Raparree saying he would leave 39,500 for someone else rather than snag it himself. Now, as you know, I am a kindly-hearted man, soft of tongue and slow to accuse, preferring to see the bright light in each soul, no matter how deeply buried it may be. So I will leave it to you, Gentle Reader, to determine for yourself what this means about the ordinary personality of yonder Book Master, infoholic extraordinaire and self-deluder par excellence.

I have just cleaned the patio gutters from the winter buildup, scrubbed the patio, gone to Cost Co and bought viands for this evenings entertainment, removed the handle set from my office door that was taken down yesterday and replaced with a beautiful deeply polished hardwood beech hand-made door, and used the handle set to replace the puny brass handle set on the garage door. So I deserve a nap, to be sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 04:03 PM

In the Preface to his Dictionary of the English Language, Samuel Johnson informed his readers that there was one aspect of his compatriots’ discourse that he was unwilling to engage with. “Of the laborious and mercantile part of the people”, he wrote,

"the diction is in a great measure casual and mutable; many of their terms are formed for some temporary or local convenience, and though current at certain times and places, and in others utterly unknown. This fugitive cant, which is always in state of increase or decay, cannot be regarded as any part of the durable materials of a language, and therefore must be suffered to perish with other things unworthy of preservation."

Yet, as Johnson must have been aware, published works recording this “casual and mutable” English had existed since Thomas Harman added a glossary of canting terms to his Caveat or Warening for Commen Cursetors of 1567 and, indeed, a generation after Johnson dismissed what we would call slang as “unworthy of preservation”, a very different view was being propounded. For Francis Grose, the antiquary and former military man, author of A Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue, published in 1785, it was a matter of regret that “terms of well-known import, at New-market, Exchange-alley, the City, the Parade, Wapping, and Newgate”, and which also “find their way into our political and theatrical compositions”, were not recorded in conventional dictionaries. Indeed Grose (as had Johnson) managed to establish a patriotic slant to his dictionary-making. Referring to a recent dictionary of “satyrical and burlesque French”, he claimed that with “our language being at least as copious as the French, and as capable of the witty equivoque”, his dictionary was fully justified. He pursued this theme further, adding that

"The freedom of thought and speech, arising from, and privileged by our constitution, gives a force and poignancy to the expressions of our common people, not to be found under arbitrary government, where the ebullitions of vulgar wit are checked by the fear of the bastinado, or of a lodging during pleasure in some gaol or castle."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 03:46 PM

39,500. But I'll leave it for someone else.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 03:46 PM

I could so easily snag


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 03:46 PM

You know, without any trouble


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 10:49 AM

On a good note, there was a new gourmet hamburger shop that planned for some months to make their grandopening in downtown Fort Worth just in time for the stupor bowl downtown foot traffic. I heard the story on the local news this morning, how they delayed opening a day due to the weather, and on their first day they sold one burger. But there was a guy at the bar the owner got talking to, and it turned out to be the food critic for the Star-Telegram, who sent a photographer down to get photos and they told the story on the front page the next day. The guy has sold out every day since then. A nice beginning for a local entrepreneur.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 05:16 AM

Flights and driving affected... oh my... that's a lot of money for the economy lost.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Feb 11 - 01:45 AM

Thanks for asking, Rap. We're about to make the transition from a week of effing cold weather (got down to 9o a couple of nights) to the weekend thaw, meaning all will be mud, before another hard freeze midweek next week. The Stupor Bowl folks have been dealing with the horrid weather (including what I would term a combination of avalanch and broken cornice-like activity when some workers at the stadium were pelted with ice and snow sliding off of the stadium roof this afternoon.) Air travel has been at a standstill, driving was impossible, so I suppose a lot of very expensive hotel rooms have been paid for by people who weren't in them just to hold them for when they finally get here. Not a pretty sight.

As for the game on Sunday, I'm going to enjoy a full afternoon of Masterpiece Theater. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 11 - 09:49 PM

Out of curiosity, Stilly, how are you doing down there in Superbowel town?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 11 - 08:49 PM

I don't see any difference OR any contrast. Of course, being an English Literature in college warped my sensibilities to the point that I am unable to distinguish much of anything from something else. I can, however, discuss Shakespeare's plays or Swinburne's poems or Eliot's essays at long, boring length. And I did learn a number of excellent ways to insult people. Of course, I would NEVER EVER use my powers for anything but Good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Feb 11 - 08:02 PM

But the contrast, Amos! The contrast!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Feb 11 - 07:53 PM

I like Hawk's explanation too, but I would say there's a BIG difference between a clear morning rising from darkness, and a plug ugly Chimp with a gun. I mean really.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 11 - 06:19 PM

Hi, Ebbie! You still can remember that time at Woodstock? I can't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Feb 11 - 04:01 PM

Why, thanks, Ebbie. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Feb 11 - 03:14 PM

I am bound to admit, Little Hawk, that your explication (following) does the best job of explaining how your mind works that I have heretofore seen. Well done.

"LOL!!! Truly the stricken wordsmith doth strive mightily from his bed of pain, weaving noble verse and hurling barb-ed shafts of puissant wit, thereby to fret his case and not forfeit cause in the face of cruel and arbitrary malady.

"But list, Amos! I am in no wise endangered in maintaining mine own identity unsullied midst the vagaries and strange passions of mine own creations such as yon Chimp. No, indeed. Rather is mine own nature thus strengthened and confirmed by way of vivid contrast, as is the light of a clear morning rendered yet more vivid by the obscure darkness that preceded it.

"Thus, my good sir, do I enhance and enlarge my present reality whilst others lose themselves in cleaving too narrowly to their accustomed forms and labels. They who could be all do themselves a disservice in saying, "This I am. Only this and nothing more."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 04 Feb 11 - 03:03 PM

It could have lived another 500 years! I hope they don't go disturbing the bed for even older ones to kill. And I bet they didn't even make clam chowder.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Feb 11 - 02:30 PM

"Climate researchers at Bangor University in the United Kingdom recently counted 405 annual growth rings in the shells of a quahog clam.... The animal died when the researchers counted its rings."

And that was surprising?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Feb 11 - 02:24 PM

They throw the heads away? Seems like a waste to me. Couldn't they at least make head cheese or use it to catch more cats. They say they raise them but wouldn't free range cats that eat all natural be more tastey? If they really do want to appeal to "the high end market" I think they should look into this.


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