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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 03 Jan 11 - 09:44 PM
Amos 03 Jan 11 - 09:30 PM
gnu 03 Jan 11 - 05:09 PM
Eiseley 03 Jan 11 - 05:05 PM
Amos 03 Jan 11 - 04:37 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 03 Jan 11 - 03:06 PM
Acme 03 Jan 11 - 02:03 PM
Amos 03 Jan 11 - 10:21 AM
Rapparee 03 Jan 11 - 09:30 AM
Amos 02 Jan 11 - 10:56 PM
Acme 02 Jan 11 - 10:27 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 11 - 09:51 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jan 11 - 03:50 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 02 Jan 11 - 03:43 PM
Amos 02 Jan 11 - 02:58 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 11 - 01:33 PM
Amos 02 Jan 11 - 12:28 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jan 11 - 11:52 AM
Rapparee 02 Jan 11 - 11:35 AM
Little Hawk 02 Jan 11 - 05:37 AM
Acme 02 Jan 11 - 12:48 AM
Amos 02 Jan 11 - 12:14 AM
Little Hawk 01 Jan 11 - 11:47 PM
Rapparee 01 Jan 11 - 11:41 PM
Amos 01 Jan 11 - 10:35 PM
gnu 01 Jan 11 - 06:42 PM
Amos 01 Jan 11 - 06:38 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jan 11 - 04:56 PM
GUEST,khandu without a cookie 01 Jan 11 - 04:00 PM
Eiseley 01 Jan 11 - 03:51 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jan 11 - 03:04 PM
Amos 01 Jan 11 - 03:01 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jan 11 - 01:27 PM
Amos 01 Jan 11 - 12:14 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jan 11 - 11:52 AM
Amos 01 Jan 11 - 11:08 AM
Rapparee 01 Jan 11 - 07:56 AM
Amos 01 Jan 11 - 01:12 AM
Acme 01 Jan 11 - 01:05 AM
Amos 01 Jan 11 - 01:01 AM
Rapparee 31 Dec 10 - 09:20 PM
gnu 31 Dec 10 - 08:32 PM
Acme 31 Dec 10 - 07:52 PM
Rapparee 31 Dec 10 - 07:39 PM
gnu 31 Dec 10 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 31 Dec 10 - 03:25 PM
Amos 31 Dec 10 - 02:04 PM
Rapparee 31 Dec 10 - 01:37 PM
Amos 31 Dec 10 - 10:28 AM
Rapparee 31 Dec 10 - 10:03 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 09:44 PM

Well, they put out the explosion in the Legion Hovel finally. It was going on since Boxing Day, the longest sustained explosion in history. I mean, this was all one single explosion, not a series of separate explosion. Had something to do with Red White's temporal sequencer, which he was demonstrating to Long Tall Shorty by using a charge of giant powder to prove his point. The new Men's Room is pretty well wrecked and the Col. Gen. has incarcerated the two for violating the Standing Orders regarding the use of high explosives in the Hovel.

Fortunately the liquor supply was saved.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 09:30 PM

A damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw:
It was a MOABian maid,
And on her dulcimer she played,
Singing of Mount BeeEsse.

Could I revive within me
Her symphony and song,
To such a deep delight 'twould win me
That with music loud and long

I would build that dome in air,
That sunny dome! those caves of ice!
And all who heard should see them there,
And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!

Weave a circle round him, yes,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed
And drunk the milk of Mom's BS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 05:09 PM

Hahahahahahaa


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 05:05 PM

I think bagpipes in the hands of a new player might work almost as well as a wedding dress.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 04:37 PM

Naw--he was in CHicago, celebrating Valentine's Day a leedle bit preemachurely, like, with his friends who have their own garage. Or did have, anyway....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 03:06 PM

I was not in that garage.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 02:03 PM

First work day of the new year and MOM decided to clean out the garage. I see a front end loader she hired pulling up in the driveway. Whose shit is in the garage? You'd better run and get it before MOM has it hauled off to the dump or the metal recyclers.

Is that a Wayback machine I see them hauling out? Whose is that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 10:21 AM

I think I will just call you Duuuude.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 11 - 09:30 AM

I prefer to be addressed, now and in the future, as "Dominus et Deus meus."

Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 10:56 PM

Ah, Rapairaree, you are a wily marsupial, of that I have no doubt...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 10:27 PM

That's funny, Amos! Good one.

As the mother of a musician, and the daughter of a musician (and a pianist of sorts, but only in solitary conditions) I can say I've had infestations of musicians in my home. The other thing that works is the Mom Voice. If you pay too much attention, ask them questions, that also drives them off. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 09:51 PM

I know, I know. And very little is digested -- most is, ah, regurgitated.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 03:50 PM

I wouldn't be a bit worried, Chongo, cos I would know right away that that wedding dress had nothing to do with me. Yeah, I would just relax and sit down for a nice cup of tea and let her tell me about all the stuff that's on her mind. I bet we'd get along famously. I could probably even sell her a CD before too long.

Rap - One thing I think I should point out about Amos's tiny mind. It doesn't embrace, it devours. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 03:43 PM

Yeah, that would probably scare Hawk right off. Ook! Ook! Only he claims to be "in touch with his female side"...so ya never know. He is truly weird. He might start givin' her some gentle relationship advice, then lissenin' patiently as she talks about all her troubles, and commisseratin' with her about all them deadbeat can't be trusted men out there.

I would never waste time doin' that unless I had (cough! cough!) ulterior motives of some kind. Know what I'm sayin'? ;-D

It's even worse when ya get a house full of primate banana smugglers or contraband hooch movers. Trust me. In that case, the woman has gotta come out with a loaded tommy gun and just empty a full drum of .45 cal ammo in all directions. That clears the deck way better than the wedding dress.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 02:58 PM

How to deal with Rapp and Hawk if they camp in your living room.

I know, Rapp, I know...it's all good, man. Don't worry. They are changing your meds this week.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 01:33 PM

Amos, I would not lie to you or anyone. I always tell the truth, the complete truth, the whole truth, and sometimes more truth than you can, with your tiny mind, embrace and understand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 12:28 PM

Well, I don't. I think Rapparee is making it up. J'accuse! J'accuse!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 11:52 AM

Yes, I can see how that could happen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 11:35 AM

Yes, I was skiing down a triple diamond once during Olympic trials when all of the snow suddenly melted away. Wasn't global warming, though -- I was going so fast that the friction simply melted it all off the mountain. Thereafter I was banned from all amateur and professional skiing competition.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 05:37 AM

We've made an arrangement with the Swiss, Amos. They need maple syrup. We need snow. Every month during the winter Canada ships tens of thousands of liters of maple syrup to switzerland and the Swiss send us fresh snow from the Alps. This has worked out very well for many years, and it keeps our Canadian winters as snowbound as they should be. This quick thaw, however, has resulted in a "snow gap" that is very troubling, and the Swiss shipments have not kept up with the demand. It's quite disturbing, specially for skiers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 12:48 AM

What a rare appearance - Khandu! (Still doesn't get my moniker, but what the heck).

It's cold here in N. Texas, perhaps we should ship this up to LH. If there was snow on the ground here, it would at least stay frozen overnight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 11 - 12:14 AM

Do you have to ship it in from somewhere? Or how do you get it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 11:47 PM

It's so warm here that most of the snow we got in December has melted away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 11:41 PM

I have returned. Back on the hill, in my own desmesne, where is it -8 Kelvin. Yes! It is so cold that we have had to build a fire to thaw out the cold so we can feel cold. Not much snow though -- at least, not until we thaw out the cold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 10:35 PM

That's not news!
And know, Gnus, that no news is good for Gnus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 06:42 PM

I am not!

Yo, King. Happy New year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 06:38 PM

Oh King! Oh King! Oh King Khandu!
'Tis true that we have followed through
And done what you said we should do!
But we could't'a done it without you!!!


That said, it is only meet to point out that some people are much more easily stupefied than others...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 04:56 PM

Khandu, we miss you! Even Penelope Rutledge misses you...a little.

Yes, we have striven mightily to expand the horizons of BS, and here you see the glorious results. Stupefying, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,khandu without a cookie
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 04:00 PM

To Amos, Little Hawk, Rapzier, Silly River, William Shatner, Harry Lee Wigley and the whole mob of regulars whose names I am too lazy to type;
I applaud you for taking this thread, creating a lumbering monster that I'm certain Joe Offer detests, and stuffing it to overflow with such delightful BS!
I wish each of you the best you can milk out of this new year!
With heartfelt admiration and a wee bit of envy,
khandu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 03:51 PM

Happy New Year, Ersatz Family

I'm home again, ready to clean the house and relax after driving hundreds of miles. So nice to be home, and the cat is glad to see me, too.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 03:04 PM

Thanks, Amos! Same to you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 03:01 PM

Have a great year, Hawkster--flourish, prosper, and love a lot.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 01:27 PM

That's true. And that's why we haven't done it yet. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 12:14 PM

Ummm...the 21st rock from the sun is probably a small chunk of ice out in the Kuiper belt, or a shattered fragment of an asteroid somewhere. To look under such a thing would be a highly relativistic operation.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 11:52 AM

The Fellow from Pocatello is indeed a strange and unique creature. One of a kind. A freak of Nature. An anomaly. A conundrum. A non-sequitor. What you might find if you looked behind or under the 21st rock from the Sun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 11:08 AM

Jabberwhacky


Of all the offspring ever sprung
The old, the fat, the lean, the young
The hard, the weak, the strong, the slack
Only a few are truly whacked.
Chicago Slim, and Boston Blacky
Were both especially whacky.
But in all the world, one whacky fellow
Who lives up north, in Pocatello,
Is first on any whackster's list.
And some say never would be missed.
This glib rapscallion is so slick
So quick of tongue, of wit so thick,
So smooth of eye, this northern toff
Some say he should just be whacked off.
But that would be both crude and tacky.
So we'll just leave him being whacky.
And if he's offed, for joy or pelf,
He'll have to do that task himself.

Carrington SMithers Dupree
Hard Words in Soft Meter
Culler d'Ordure Publications, Paris, 1929


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 07:56 AM

You callin' me whacky? Huh? Are you? Well, buddy you just...hmm...maybe you're right. For a change. And please do, for I think your Depends are undependable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 01:12 AM

When you're born in and of The City, it never leaves your blood, and the year ends when the ball goes up whether you are in California or Turkistan.

So Happy New Year one and all, and Auld Lang Syne to you all. Fondest thanks for a very funny MOAB sort of year, and a brilliant New Year ahead for Mom and all her whacky offspring!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 01:05 AM

Ewww. Pause a moment and visualize that.

















Ok. You can quit now or you'll make yourself sick.






















Fireworks or gunfire, not sure which, is going off. So the girls are in the house for a while so they don't get scared by it.



Have a good New Year, all, and MOM, you can go to bed now. Amos will take care of the west coast celebration in a couple of hours.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 11 - 01:01 AM

So Rapp gets to celebrate the NEw Year by getting his balls squeezed by an overweight minimum-wage TSA turk with A bad haircut?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 10 - 09:20 PM

I am not saying where it is that you get drunk....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Dec 10 - 08:32 PM

Dearest Rap :

I have never GOTTEN drunk in any gutter or gaol.

How dare you insinuate same.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Dec 10 - 07:52 PM

I wonder how many people in Utah, particularly in Moab, Utah, have Googled "Moab" and landed on this thread? Maybe we don't hear about it because no one drinks in Moab, so there are no meandering, mis-typed posts from any late-night Utah readers.

Just a thought, since so many of our folks (at least two of you) are spending an inordinate amount of time in Utah lately.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 10 - 07:39 PM

Mom, if you don't hear from me tomorrow I won't be with Amos and Bee-Dubya and gnu and the rest of the guys drunk in some gutter or jail. No, I'm flying back to Idaho (via SLC) and I hope I'll be able to tell you of my adventures (I sincerely hope that there aren't any!) tomorrow evening or Sunday.

In the meantime, I hope you and the sibs have a Happy New Year, and that no one gets too drunk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Dec 10 - 03:34 PM

Rap... Billybob is often a guest subversive warfare instructor at Camp X in Ontario but if you mentio


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 10 - 03:25 PM

And the cop replied, "Pullet? That's rooster if I ever saw one!" and ran Amos in for chicken rustling. This wasn't eggsactly what Amos had in mind, especially with a lynch mob of angry chicken farmers outside the jail, so (being the only prisoner) he worked his way up the pecking order and did a jail beak. The cop, however, trailed Amos for years because the break just plain stuck in his craw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 10 - 02:04 PM

I think the miscreant Rapparee is suffering from multiple cognitive distortions of which I append herewith a convenient list for enhanced self-assessment and reflection on personal error by said miscreant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 10 - 01:37 PM

Mom, Amos spelled it wrong. It was what he said to the cop after he was caught stealing chickens: "It's a pullet, sir."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 10 - 10:28 AM

Good morning, Mom!! Listening to Raparree again? Did he tell you about the Pulitzer? There was a ceremony and a lot of speeches. It was very flattering and all.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Dec 10 - 10:03 AM

Good morning, Mom! I see you're awake and I hope you had a lovely evening of gentle, peaceful, sleep. Eiseley will be fixing breakfast for you and I've brought a a pot of that Jamaica Blue Mountain coffee you like so much. Amos and LH finally did get home and no, they didn't get arrested. Stilly washed their clothes, which, as you feared, reeked of cheap liquor and worse. The boys are in their rooms now, sleeping it off. I don't know WHAT they'll do tonight, on New Year's Eve, but we can probably raise bail if we need too.


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Mudcat time: 17 October 2:39 PM EDT

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