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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 15 May 10 - 12:20 PM
Amos 15 May 10 - 11:41 AM
Eiseley 15 May 10 - 11:05 AM
Rapparee 15 May 10 - 10:37 AM
Acme 14 May 10 - 11:38 PM
Rapparee 14 May 10 - 09:38 PM
Janie 14 May 10 - 09:30 PM
Janie 14 May 10 - 09:16 PM
Rapparee 14 May 10 - 09:01 PM
Janie 14 May 10 - 08:57 PM
Rapparee 14 May 10 - 08:43 PM
Janie 14 May 10 - 08:27 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 14 May 10 - 07:53 PM
Acme 14 May 10 - 07:48 PM
Rapparee 14 May 10 - 07:28 PM
Eiseley 14 May 10 - 05:19 PM
Amos 14 May 10 - 04:29 PM
MMario 14 May 10 - 04:08 PM
Little Hawk 14 May 10 - 03:38 PM
Rapparee 14 May 10 - 03:16 PM
Rapparee 14 May 10 - 03:15 PM
Eiseley 14 May 10 - 02:24 PM
Amos 14 May 10 - 02:10 PM
Acme 14 May 10 - 02:06 PM
Little Hawk 14 May 10 - 12:49 PM
MMario 14 May 10 - 12:34 PM
Little Hawk 14 May 10 - 12:27 PM
Rapparee 14 May 10 - 12:21 PM
Little Hawk 14 May 10 - 11:51 AM
Amos 14 May 10 - 11:31 AM
Acme 14 May 10 - 10:26 AM
Acme 14 May 10 - 09:59 AM
Rapparee 14 May 10 - 09:35 AM
Eiseley 14 May 10 - 08:55 AM
Acme 13 May 10 - 11:51 PM
Rapparee 13 May 10 - 10:01 PM
Amos 13 May 10 - 09:49 PM
Rapparee 13 May 10 - 08:09 PM
Amos 13 May 10 - 07:13 PM
Acme 13 May 10 - 07:07 PM
Rapparee 13 May 10 - 06:48 PM
MMario 13 May 10 - 04:32 PM
Amos 13 May 10 - 03:21 PM
Rapparee 13 May 10 - 03:15 PM
Rapparee 13 May 10 - 03:02 PM
MMario 13 May 10 - 12:53 PM
Amos 13 May 10 - 12:22 PM
Eiseley 13 May 10 - 12:17 PM
MMario 13 May 10 - 12:15 PM
Rapparee 13 May 10 - 11:34 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 10 - 12:20 PM

Well, Amos, it was his real name. He shuffled off this mortal coil a few decades back, but his work lives on.

And by the way, you noted that last weekend you went to a local range and did some shooting. I told you at the time that it was dangerous; I should have noted that it's only dangerous if you haven't been competently instructed. I suggest you contact Eiseley about teaching you to shoot. I'm sure she would make you a deal on the tuition.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 10 - 11:41 AM

Oh sing a song of soaring...

...wait...no, I am not going to do a parody of Walt Kelly using Rapaire's soaring sore...it would not be right. I revere Walt Kelly. If that's his real name.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 15 May 10 - 11:05 AM

Dear MOM,
I have just made a delectable strawberry pecan pastry for you, created with myriad layers of filo dough, pecans fresh from Aunt Ramona's tree in North Carolina, and topped with whipped cream enhanced with a dash of cinnamon and a sprinkle of cardamom. Let me cover you up with this colorful afghan and tuck you into the porch swing as you tuck in.

E


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 10 - 10:37 AM

My plopper.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 10 - 11:38 PM

The source of your soaring sore?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 10 - 09:38 PM

Last time I plopped I ended up sore.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 May 10 - 09:30 PM

I don't teeter, Rap. I either soar, or I plop.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 May 10 - 09:16 PM

Grand entrance, btw, LH. Sure beats the way I stumble in, shirt-tails untucked, scratching my left cheek.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 10 - 09:01 PM

That's a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very simplified explanation. When you can completely and fully comprehend Grand Unified Theory you will be teetering on the razor's edge of understanding.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 May 10 - 08:57 PM

Actually, I was thinking spawned - but was concerned that some might take it to be a reflection about MOM.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 10 - 08:43 PM

Probably. Absurd idea, isn't it? I phrased it that way deliberately, as the truth is too complex for even the puny minds at MOAB to comprehend...and yet so, so simple.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 May 10 - 08:27 PM

I am the only one who picked up on Rapaire's absurd assertion that he was born?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 14 May 10 - 07:53 PM

Thank you, O Sage. You can post about your tidying on that other thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 10 - 07:48 PM

Eiseley,

That link didn't work. It was a tangle of Google and Mozilla and library instructions. Kind of looked like the inside of that drawer in my kitchen I was just telling katlaughing about on another thread. Anyway, I kind of backed up, wound up the ball of string a bit, and found this little bit that worked: http://libraries.idaho.gov/files/imagecache/body/images/disk.jpg.

That came out of this:

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://libraries.idaho.gov/files/imagecache/body/images/disk.jpg&imgrefurl=http://libraries.idaho.gov/page/bright-futures-summer-reading-opportunities-school-visits&usg=__ykgy4JCQH9M6geuhV-wj7gGw0D8=&h=180&w=178&sz=6&hl=en&start=13&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=_2ON9Rjk1iG9UM:&tbnh=101&tbnw=100prev/images%3Fq%3Dmake%2Ba%2Bsplash%2Bflying%2Bdiscs%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26hs%3DJKf%26sa%3DN%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26tbs%3Disch:1

I wonder what Google was thinking?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 10 - 07:28 PM

Of COURSE it sounded like shots fired from a "silenced" pistol. It's a LIBRARY, fer gunness sakes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 14 May 10 - 05:19 PM

The Getaway sounds like it may very well signal the beginning of the Apocalypse, especially if Rapaire comes dressed as the Angel Gabriel with his trump.

Sue, one of our librarians, heard me hatching the flying disks and said it sounded to her like shots from a silenced gun: "Fwoop! Fwoop! Fwoop!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 10 - 04:29 PM

An anteproton always precedes the proton, and never the Twain shall meet, or even the Penn Warren.

Eisely, surely those little sprung frisbees give more of a boing than a bang?

I know this is a fine distinction when you are startled by a flock of them occurring at once deep in the stacks. But scientific clarity requires a cool eye, as it were.

MMario, you are in NO position to speculate on the hazards of going to the Getaway, as you have submitted all your friends to DASTARDLY disappointment three years running in favor of mythical relatives.

Rapaire, if you DO come to the Getaway, please bring Eiseley, Stilly, and if you can find her, Rustic Rebel. We need more altos.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 May 10 - 04:08 PM

wait-a-sec. If rapaire and amos both go to getaway.....

Isn't that like the Third sign of the Apolgetics or something?

As disaster making as seeing your doppelganger?

Like a proton meeting an anteproton or even an uncleproton?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 May 10 - 03:38 PM

How utterly brilliant of you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 10 - 03:16 PM

Oh goodness gracious me, I swan, look what I done went and did. Copped 35600! Well, I never in all my born days!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 10 - 03:15 PM

That's a cod fillet, which will be eaten for dinner. I knew you all had minds, you perverts, and they're a waste. However, that is the outfit I will wear to Getaway, if I go. The Sword of the Archangel Michael in one hand and the Trumpet of Gabriel in the other. You don't like my music?...Touchè!, fil du cochon!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 14 May 10 - 02:24 PM

So sorry---this isn't about cods or pieces or pieces of cod or otherwise. It's just regular, un"fishy" BS.

Bang! In the Stacks!

There's a poppin' and a bangin' at the Libraire
A drifting down of feathers and of fluff.
No, there's not a cutting-loose by Rapaire
Just a couple hundred boxes full of stuff.

Yes, stuff that's way too dangerous for boys and girls
To open in their classrooms with a BANG!
It would blow them all to pieces, all their toys and curls
And make them want to go and join a gang.

You see, we ordered packages of small Frisbees
All folded up and packed into a pouch
They came cost-free from Boise --- the State Library
But opening them would make the kids say "Ouch!"

You see, I go to visit all the classrooms here
And urge the kids to read all summer long
And then I give them toys and hope they will not sneer
At reading, which will make their young minds strong.

But, lackaday! The Frisbees explode from those cute sacks
And so we're spending hours hatching them.
The story room's becircled with the flying disks
Strewn all over the floor---a mosaic diadem.

So now my volunteers blast out exploding toys
Think Rapaire is sorry that he left?
Well, little disks aren't cool enough for older boys
They prefer a BOOM! with greater oomph and heft.

Now imagine hundreds of these in many bright colors strewn all over the floor!


Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 10 - 02:10 PM

As through the fields of time he goeth
Rapaire his vaunted codpiece showeth
In which he thinketh not aright.
It in the fields doth dully lie
Wrinkled and faded, all awry.
How't shineth and stinketh, this piece o'cod
Both in the moonlight, and the nose of God.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 10 - 02:06 PM

That's your communicator, not your phaser, LH.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 May 10 - 12:49 PM

Captain Kirk: "Set phasers to 'emasculate' and target that...codpiece!"

(VREEEEEEP! VREEEEEEEP!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 May 10 - 12:34 PM

*guffax* Look at that dried up whithered piece of fish!


Haha! It looks really.....

oh - wait!

That's not a piece of fish....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 May 10 - 12:27 PM

LOL!!! That's the spirit!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 10 - 12:21 PM

Ta-Da! I leap into the center of the room rapier in hand, wearing cavalier boots, a cape, a plumed hat, and a piece of cod....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 May 10 - 11:51 AM

Ta-Da!!!

(I Leap into the centre of the room, wearing a monkey suit and a set of Groucho Marx glasses & mustache, and brandishing a cattle prod...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 10 - 11:31 AM

355 and ninety-oh
Was writ about a radio
Worn by a folkie lady-oh
All in the month of May

355 and ninety-one
Was writ by a witless mother's son
Just to find a bit o' fun
On the banks of the shimmering Tay

355 and ninety two
Will be writ by someone much like you
Who has nothing better for to do,
All in the month of May.

355 and ninety-three
(Posted by someone much like me)
Will fill the hall with mirth and glee
(If it all turns out that way)

And 255 and ninety-four
Will bring us closer, one step more
Toward 355, six hundred's door
All in the month of May

(Doggerel from a scrap of Elizabethan parchment found in the midden of Mohamme-on-Lyne, dated to approximately May 1601)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 10 - 10:26 AM

I couldn't resist: There was a link for this radio at epinions. I used to write over there, but I don't feel like using that old name and I've about abandoned that email (Yahoo won't let me download it unless I pay them to, so I don't use it much). Here's the review, let's see if they leave it alone:

Great little portable analog headset radio
by maggie76134, May 14 '10

I've had one of these that I bought in 1997. I've changed a few batteries, but for the most part, this reliable little radio keeps going and going. It's perfect for using when I'm doing quiet tasks (I wouldn't be able to hear it when the mower is running) and moving around a lot. I prefer the headset to having to keep track of the dangling earplug cord from an mp3 player.

Sometimes when I turn on this little radio I have to jostle the am/fm switch to get it to seat itself in the fm setting. Once there, I don't need to fool with it while wearing it.

The nice thing about this little radio is that it rests around your neck when you don't need it, and it doesn't have any dangling wires to catch in things. I also don't like earbuds, I prefer earphones, and this radio is your classic headphone setup.

Epinions asks for a longer review for revenue share, but there seems to be only one of these radios listed anywhere now, and that is $170 over at Amazon. Way too high, considering that I bought mine for $20 at Fred Meyer in Marysville, Washington, the fall my father died and I needed a radio to listen to without lugging one of his tiny little transistor radios around and setting it in whatever room or part of the property I was working on.

So, if you stumble across one of these and it is modestly priced at a garage sale, I'll say snatch it up, find yourself a clean pair of foam rubber earpads, and send me a nickel to cover my bit of the revenue share that epinions is offering if I write this longer review.

Enjoy your new / old radio!

Pros:
Adjustible headpiece stablilizes headgear. Sound is great, tuner is good. This 14-year-old radio works great.

Cons:
Sometimes I jiggle am/fm switch to stay in fm mode. Only when first turned on.

The Bottom Line:
This is an excellent little out of production radio. If you find one somewhere and it works, pick it up. You'll enjoy it.

Overall Product Rating:
Product Rating: 5.0 Excellent


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 10 - 09:59 AM

I had it tuned to two NPR stations and a classical station. Who knows what it will pick up in the meantime. This thing is in mint condition--chances are high I won't get it back again. Might as well buy myself another one of these days. But the thing I listen to more often is an old $20 AM/FM Sony Walkman headphone radio. I've had it since 1997, when I was working on my Dad's estate and didn't want to carry a portable radio around with me. The headset was easier.

Here is an image from Amazon. And good lord, it lists for $179. Maybe I should sell mine and buy a good mp3 player. . . but I listen to this more than the mp3 player. . .

The devil on my shoulder had me go into that Amazon page and write a positive review that said the radio is great, but it's a $20 radio.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 10 - 09:35 AM

You actually think that the MP3 player will WANT to remember some of that music? Isn't it much more likely that suddenly the finale to Beethoven's 9th or Tchaikosky's 1812 will suddenly burn her son's ears?

MP3 players have feeling too, ya know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 14 May 10 - 08:55 AM

One reason I was so happy to get my new piano is because it is the one my sisters and I learned on and my dad played all the time. By now it is absolutely stuffed full of hundreds, even thousands of pieces of music. Now I just have to figure out how to access all those songs myself!

So I understand about your mp3 player, Stilly. After it's had to play all the stuff your son listens to, how will it remember to play your music? It might switch to playing Metallica (or whatever) at the most inappropriate moments!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 May 10 - 11:51 PM

My son has just borrowed my mp3 player to take with him on a field trip tomorrow. We took out my card, full of classical and folk music, and he used his card, stuffed full of rock. It may never be the same again, after this trip. (His mp3 player is the same make and model, bought at the same time, but while mine gets used once every couple of weeks, his is used several hours a day. His earphone jack is getting worn out.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 10 - 10:01 PM

Yes, she does. I only have ladies in my home office: Eiseley, my wife, Judy Nelson, and others. The Legion Hovel is a different story entirely. Located about four miles away, the denizens there are, well, uncouth, rude, drunken, loutish and if they weren't so danged all-out nice people they'd have ended up like Shame McBride. Remember, just because you've fallen face-down into the gutter and are laying in a pool of your own whiskey-laden vomit doesn't mean you're not a good person, even if you did get the money for the drink by rolling other drunks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 10 - 09:49 PM

Does your wife know you are having ladies into your home office, Rapaire?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 10 - 08:09 PM

Gilda Lilly is a regular at the Legion Hovel. I was told she's called "Gilda the Good" for reasons I shan't go into with ladies present.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 10 - 07:13 PM

I would think burnishing shrubbery would be something like gilding the lily. No?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 May 10 - 07:07 PM

Interesting that the shrub was a lilac. Lie-like. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 10 - 06:48 PM

I'm going to tell Trixie on you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 May 10 - 04:32 PM

NOw, Amos. Rapaire doesn't sit around writing swamp stories all day. He spends part of the time trying to hatch golfs and part of the time looking for his muse in burnish shrubberies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 10 - 03:21 PM

I wish I was retired so I could sit around and write Swamp stories all day...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 10 - 03:15 PM

Yes, Eiseley, I will. It's one of several unfinished Swamp stories.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 10 - 03:02 PM

"Balls!" said the tree. "If I had another...."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 May 10 - 12:53 PM

Amos - that was sneaky!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 10 - 12:22 PM

They must have slathered that golf ball with tee-tree oil to get it in there...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 13 May 10 - 12:17 PM

Please share the finished story with us when you use "Trixie's" idea.

As for planting golf balls, here is a photo of a chopped-down golf ball tree. Apparently it takes awhile for the outer casing of the seed to completely dissolve.

And here is the rest of the story.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 May 10 - 12:15 PM

Just remember that golf eggs need to either be cooked VERY rapidly, or simmerred for a long time. Otherwise they are rubbery as heck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 10 - 11:34 AM

I have had a revelation, a flash of inspiration on how to end an unended story.

There I was, combing the backyard for golf eggs (little white round eggs with dimples all over them) to see if I could find even one that would hatch out into a golf (I think golfs have fertility problems) when I noticed the lilac bush was burning without being consumed.

I ran to get the hose, but a voice said, "Hey! Hold it! It's just me, Trixie, your muse, and I'm in this burning bush because I'm having a bad hair day."

So I stopped and we chatted a bit and Trixie gave me the ending for the story and pointed out another golf egg. We had a glass of wine and she took off to her hairdresser's place. Unfortunately, she forgot to turn off the lilac bush and so I had to hose it down anyway. Fortunately I don't think the fire interfered with it's annual blooms.


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