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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 05 Jan 10 - 02:28 PM
Donuel 05 Jan 10 - 02:17 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Jan 10 - 01:29 PM
MMario 05 Jan 10 - 12:53 PM
Amos 05 Jan 10 - 12:30 PM
Little Hawk 05 Jan 10 - 11:55 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Jan 10 - 11:53 AM
Acme 05 Jan 10 - 11:45 AM
Donuel 05 Jan 10 - 11:19 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Jan 10 - 11:13 AM
MMario 05 Jan 10 - 11:07 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Jan 10 - 11:02 AM
MMario 05 Jan 10 - 10:33 AM
Rapparee 05 Jan 10 - 08:56 AM
Amos 05 Jan 10 - 08:55 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jan 10 - 11:54 PM
Acme 04 Jan 10 - 11:40 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jan 10 - 10:58 PM
Rapparee 04 Jan 10 - 09:45 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jan 10 - 08:13 PM
Amos 04 Jan 10 - 07:29 PM
Acme 04 Jan 10 - 07:22 PM
Rapparee 04 Jan 10 - 01:59 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jan 10 - 01:41 PM
MMario 04 Jan 10 - 01:38 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jan 10 - 01:35 PM
Amos 04 Jan 10 - 01:31 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jan 10 - 01:27 PM
Amos 04 Jan 10 - 01:24 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jan 10 - 01:20 PM
Amos 04 Jan 10 - 01:19 PM
MMario 04 Jan 10 - 12:11 PM
Acme 04 Jan 10 - 11:09 AM
Amos 04 Jan 10 - 11:03 AM
Little Hawk 03 Jan 10 - 10:16 PM
Rapparee 03 Jan 10 - 10:14 PM
Little Hawk 03 Jan 10 - 10:11 PM
Rapparee 03 Jan 10 - 10:00 PM
Acme 03 Jan 10 - 09:30 PM
Little Hawk 03 Jan 10 - 09:26 PM
Rapparee 03 Jan 10 - 09:16 PM
Rapparee 03 Jan 10 - 01:36 PM
Acme 02 Jan 10 - 10:10 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 02 Jan 10 - 10:01 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 10 - 09:37 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jan 10 - 07:44 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jan 10 - 07:41 PM
Rapparee 02 Jan 10 - 07:37 PM
Amos 02 Jan 10 - 07:18 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 02 Jan 10 - 07:16 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 02:28 PM

The First Law, Second Corollary, states: That which Is Pure BS should not be taken Personally....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 02:17 PM

Bee and Stilly both know how to push me beyond my breadth of knowledge and literature with a single sentence. I think they are on to me. For me literature talks things to death as often as bringing them to life.

If you were to imagine a character who has never read even a single work of great literature, you could come to realize that there is a kind of purity in such a literatureless character, unpolluted by a myriad of opinions regarding; good, evil, love, betrayal, generousity, motivation, greed, hubris and humility. Only very personal and real life experiences shape that character's point of view.

Some may think that person would be illiterate and say that a person who can not read is the same as the person who does not, yet such a unique personae is virtually a biblical character is often the subject of great literature. A purely internally shaped character is quite different from, lets take for example, students of literary classics. One lives before one's own thoughts and actions, while the other lives more in a virtual world of other people's internal dialog. Differences exist no matter how you would compare and contrast the tabula raza personae with the most well read intellectual character.

History is full of the uneducated robber barons as well as the uneducated artists of sublime perfection. Many a story is about the peril of calling the illiterate "scum" "a stupid shit", only to be bested ar every turn by the "scum". Such is a day in the life of such scum.

In short it is a matter of pre concieved limitations and linear thinking versus a wide scope of fearless possibilities that defines most characters. A person who has not read a single book, picks up the melody on their own and sometimes is the composer.

Take for example the motivation felt by Wile E Coyote. It is hunger and survival but it is also a pride that intellect will outperform mere speed. etc. etc. yadayada yada yada yada.

For whom it may apply, and if it applies to thee:
Stick that in your Kindle and smoke it.








Rap,

'Corrado' Soprano was more of a nightmarish character who was indeed a ham.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 01:29 PM

Yes, Corridus really put the "Ham" in "Hamster", unlike most of Little Hawk's imaginings which only succeed at putting the "What?" in "What the Fuck?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 12:53 PM

I am not ashameed to admit I miss Corridus. Now that was a charactor with character!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 12:30 PM

It is just possible, old friend, that it is really t'other way to, and you are a figment of Corridus' nightmare imagination!! Obviously it wasn't Chongo's because when he bought the farm you were still here.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 11:55 AM

That's for sure! When I think about what the world will lose when I shuffle off this mortal coil, it makes my head swim! ;-) It will be much worse than Chongo's (alleged) demise could possibly be...because with me will die all my extended characters as well as myself. It'll be like the sudden advent of a black hole in our collective cultural continuum. Civilization may not survive the shock. And what about all the great songs I've written, but not recorded? Lost, I tell you! LOST! I mean, look, I've been a freakin' legend in my own mind for years!... and I know what the world is going to lose when I go. Sheesh. It hardly bears thinking about.

However, my Dad clearly felt that way about himself too...even much moreso than I do in fact...he figured he was definitely the most brilliant and important man in the world...and yet the world has continued in his absence with barely a ripple.

Hmmmm.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 11:53 AM

You're right, Don. One can easily discern parallels between Little Hawk's relationship with Chongo Chimp and Dostoyevsky's relationship with Ivan Karamazov.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 11:45 AM

I am astonished at the breadth of your view regarding these important imaginary figures, Donuel. Does Porky Pig fall somewhere within that pantheon?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 11:19 AM

Character homocide is regrettable but a fact of life.

Forever gone are Wallace and Gromet due to a tragic fire.
Elmer Fudd at NASCAR stood in the road and yelled "Let the waith begin" and was run over by 42 cars. A look alike is now doing Geico commercials.
Charlie the Tuna, Boris Badenov, Natasha, all have come to a tragic end.
There are too many deceased characters to list now, but if there is any chance for Chongo to pull through I hope he regains his former glory.

Probably the most complex imaginary characters are personnae, especailly your own.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 11:13 AM

Or you could drive a Wedge. Many people who wind up in Feuds do so because members of their families have driven Wedges in the past.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 11:07 AM

Good mileage, long lasting AND a catchy ad jingle. What more could you ask for?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 11:02 AM

An advertising jingle...

♫♫

Oh, the Capulets and the Montagues
And the Coys and the Hatfields too
They all had Feuds, yes it is true
So... how... 'bout... you?

♫♫

(Special limited time offer! Buy any in stock Feud from your friendly Feud dealer and receive a pair of flintlock dueling pistols at no extra charge!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 10:33 AM

YOu don't want to get a vendetta - their mileage is *terrible*. YOu might want to try a contention though they tend to be a bit small, or a good old american Feud. Feuds last a long time, sometimes generations!

MM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 08:56 AM

I just heard about LH's solution: the .458 SOCOM. All he needs to do is be able to afford the rifle and the ammunition (although from what I heard you should be able to just throw the bullet and drop the bear).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jan 10 - 08:55 AM

Well, do what you want, man, but if that wrath gets aroused the bear thing will pale in comparison.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 11:54 PM

The bears may be in hibernation, but you shouldn't bet your wrath on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 11:40 PM

Go for a trial period. Bears won't be bothering you for a few months now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 10:58 PM

But Amos...I've gotten so accustomed to seeing my wrath out there on duty in the backyard...I think I'd really miss him if he were gone. And how would I deter the bears from their nocturnal visits then?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 09:45 PM

Nah, they're cute little Italian things that scoot around town, usually carrying college students. I thought about getting one when I was in college, and then it snowed. Might be just the thing for Florida, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 08:13 PM

I have no wraths, just a dozen or so little ires. If anyone has a spare wrath they'd like to trade for a couple of ires, I might be interested.

I've also been thinking about getting a vendetta, but I hear they can be pretty messy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 07:29 PM

Ya know, y'all should thing twice about this. If Little Hawk's wrath gets aroused it'll go through walls, doors or fences to satiate his aroused state on the first living thing it sees, especially if its a lanky longhaired scruffy hippy who reminds him of its maw back on Deneb IX.    This is not a risk you want to take lightly, Hawkster. I say sell your wrath BEFORE it gets aroused or you will surely regret it....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 07:22 PM

Amos, get out your credit card and make Rap's day. Order a raft of wraths to decorate his library during these dark, snowy, dreary days, when it looks like a flan settled over the landscape around the Portneuf River.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:59 PM

I like wraths. The flowers are often really pretty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:41 PM

They cost a fortune in food too. Not to mention lodging. But every since I have had a wrath guarding the property here, things have been just as quiet as can be. No more bears or salesmen coming round. I've got him in a little enclosure in the backyard. Fortunately, they are not perturbed by frigid temperatures...it's COLD out there today!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:38 PM

YOu don't want to arouse his wrath. I've watched "Stargate Atlantis" - those wrath are nasty critters!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:35 PM

Yeah, I bet... ;-)

Be careful now. There is less and less toleration for scum these days, you know. You may end up being ostracized or even banished if you carry on as you have of late. Howling Eddie Cranshaw may write a protest song about you. Anything is possible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:31 PM

MWahahahaha. Terrible risk indeed. Just shaking in my little blue booties, me.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:27 PM

Oh! A vicious slight! You risk arousing my wrath, sir.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:24 PM

You better hope so--it's your current incarnation...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:20 PM

An excellent point, MMario.

But have you plowed through the incredible shitstorm that had the music section agitated for days on the "Smokers are Scum" thread that preceded my "Scum are Scum" thread? If so, you would perhaps appreciate better what I am up to in launching a thread such as "Scum are Scum". ;-)

Then too, you may not have seen my recent brilliant rewrite of the Elvis song at the tail end of the "Scum are Scum" thread.

The Lesser Variegated Scumsucker used to be seen a good deal in these parts, but Alas! They are now all but extinct. I am told that the rare Great Wallowing Twit is making a comeback, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 01:19 PM

Still, the passing of the Scum-Crested Bone Sucker is regretted by few, notably Shame...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 12:11 PM

I went over and took a gander at LH's scum lyrics....*yawn*; but did happen to notice a passing reference by katlaughing about the Great Horned Scum-Sucker.

Now few people are aware, but a great deal of the pollution sewen in reivers and lakes these days is NOT due to direct contamination by humans, or dumping of wastes, but rather due to the near extermination of the Greater Horned Scum-Sucker and it's near relatives, the Lesser Horned Scumsucker and the Bony Crested Scum Sucker.

Hunted diligently by brewers on all continents, who claim the various scumuckers reduce the desireable "head" on beers and ales; these valued members of the ecosystem are no longer prevelant to reduce the naturally occuring scum that nature itself produces on her waterways.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 11:09 AM

I've been trying to get MOM to load for a while now. Glad to see we have ignition this morning, finally. It's cold out there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 10 - 11:03 AM

My hard drive failed after several trillion high-speed revolutions. Thank the good office of my Higher Mind that there are backups.

Hi, Mom!! I missed you sompn terrible, but, the trip was worthwhile and I conquered the known world.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 10:16 PM

Yeah, I noticed that right after I posted it. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 10:14 PM

You also copped 33,500 but were as humble as I am and didn't mention it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 10:11 PM

Ladies and Gentlemen!!!!!!!!!..........

Please check out my brand new lyric (published under the psuedonym, "Howling Eddie Cranshaw"), in the music section above.

It's called "Scum are Scum!". It bears a certain satirical resemblance to another song that people have been raging over in the upper section for awhile now....that is, it was inspired by that ongoing row.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 10:00 PM

I wouldn't drink any of it, if I were you. You know what a rapscallion she was in her youth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 09:30 PM

Sorry. I was in the pantry looking for the JiffyPop. You should see the shit that MOM has stashed back in there. eBay would have a day in MOM's honor if anyone started listing this stuff. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 09:26 PM

Shocking neglect, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 09:16 PM

Oh Mom, poor Mom
Everyone else has ignored you and run you to the ground!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 10 - 01:36 PM

Ms. Rutledge, I've visited the South of France and it is as lovely as I'm sure you are.

Your "Uncle Winston" seems to be a bit of a cad, or so it seems to me and I hope you don't mind my saying so. If you say your Aunt is alive and well, I believe you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 10:10 PM

Someone throw some more wood on the fire. It's getting cold again. And I think she'd like some popcorn. Is there any JiffyPop in the cupboard? You know, the ones in foil, not the microwave junk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 10:01 PM

I don't need your sympathy, Rapaire! I have a new Porsche (something terrible happened to the last one), all the money I can spend, a simply fabulous wardrobe, an incredibly super life, and a host of lovely young men who are dying to escort me to expensive restaurants.

You are the one who needs my sympathy. You are clearly quite stupid, because you have failed utterly to read between the lines of my inebriated Uncle Winston's latest insincere attempt to violate his marriage contract at the expense of some naive woman. He will say anything. I'm glad that she turned out to be far more clever than you and saw through his slimy routine! Good heavens, no wonder Aunt Penelope is fed up to the gills with him!

As for my dear Aunt Penelope, I must say she's becoming quite a trial! She disapproves of virtually everything I do, doesn't like the boys I date, doesn't like the way I spend money or the clothes I wear or the hours I keep...nag, nag, nag! Always warning me against this and that peril of the world. It's dreadful. That's why I spend as little time at home as is humanly possible. I am vacationing in southern France at the moment. Fortunately, the money keeps coming. A good thing, that, because I do seem to need quite a lot of it.

TTFN! - Veronica


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 09:37 PM

Well, that's all. I'm sorry for the passing of Ms. Rutledge, but I'm certain that her spirit will live on. Ms. Veronica, you have my deepest sympathy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 07:44 PM

Herr Liebenscheiss - Your insight, as always, is brilliant, timely, and without peer. I owe you my thanks for your excellent advice and thoughtful intervention on my behalf. If Chongo ever admits to having emotional problems, unlikely as that may be, I will advise him to consult you without delay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 07:41 PM

Sounds fairly typical, Rapaire, but Winston is usually a bit smoother than that...he must have been quite drunk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 07:37 PM

No, seriously. My friend (who I would rather not name) was visiting London on business and was talking to a young business woman in the lobby at Claridge's, and in discussing various subjects the young lady mentioned that very recently she had been chatting with Winston Whats-His-Nam -- "Mr. Penelope Rutledge, you know who I mean." Seems he'd put the moves on her, telling her that he was "so sick to death, now that his beloved wife had died."

Well, she didn't fall for THAT line and extricated herself graciously from someone she described as "a sloppy drunk who had become all hands."

She is, by the way, the CEO of a major "global player" in the trade with China and was meeting my friend (another woman) regarding trade expansion with Canada, especially in computers and electronic equipment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 07:18 PM

Ach, Leedle Hack!! Eet iss scho gute you are schtanding opp fer yer schlf, ya?? Ich bin SCHO proudt off you.

Dot, Amosch, he isch no mensch, he isch a schwien to do such a ting to your ape friend, ja? He hass no right to mesch aroundt mit yer creation!! Schend him to me undt I vill schee he gets der schtraightening oot butt goot, ja??? Ich will fix hiss vaggon but goot!

Du bin makink der ecshelenlt progress, ya? Keep up der gute verk!!

Liebenscheiss


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 02 Jan 10 - 07:16 PM

What a perfectly horrible suggestion! Aunt Penelope and Uncle Winston do get along rather badly much of the time, it's true, but to suggest that they have taken out enormous life insurance policies each on the other with the intention of doing away with...

It's just monstrous! You should be ashamed of concocting such a disgusting notion. The main reason they have taken out those enormous policies is to ensure that I will be well protected and not reduced to destitution while I pursue my vital academic career...should anything happen to one or both of them.

Not that anything will, of course.

But you can't be too careful!

TTFN! - Veronica


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