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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 19 Dec 09 - 11:38 PM
Rapparee 19 Dec 09 - 10:42 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Dec 09 - 04:47 PM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 09 - 04:12 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Dec 09 - 01:59 PM
Amos 19 Dec 09 - 11:50 AM
Amos 19 Dec 09 - 10:10 AM
Janie 19 Dec 09 - 01:35 AM
Amos 19 Dec 09 - 12:22 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Dec 09 - 10:01 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 09 - 09:44 PM
Acme 18 Dec 09 - 07:01 PM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 06:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Dec 09 - 04:47 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 09 - 04:36 PM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 04:24 PM
MMario 18 Dec 09 - 03:20 PM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 03:16 PM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 02:51 PM
Acme 18 Dec 09 - 01:33 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 09 - 12:47 PM
Little Hawk 18 Dec 09 - 12:44 PM
Little Hawk 18 Dec 09 - 12:42 PM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 12:37 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 09 - 12:34 PM
Little Hawk 18 Dec 09 - 12:22 PM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 12:21 PM
Little Hawk 18 Dec 09 - 12:19 PM
MMario 18 Dec 09 - 12:17 PM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 12:15 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Dec 09 - 12:05 PM
Little Hawk 18 Dec 09 - 11:33 AM
MMario 18 Dec 09 - 10:32 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Dec 09 - 10:29 AM
Amos 18 Dec 09 - 10:27 AM
MMario 18 Dec 09 - 09:14 AM
Rapparee 18 Dec 09 - 08:46 AM
Amos 17 Dec 09 - 11:44 PM
Janie 17 Dec 09 - 07:54 PM
Janie 17 Dec 09 - 07:52 PM
Acme 17 Dec 09 - 07:14 PM
Amos 17 Dec 09 - 07:02 PM
MMario 17 Dec 09 - 03:51 PM
Amos 17 Dec 09 - 03:44 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 09 - 03:26 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 09 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 09 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 09 - 03:24 PM
Amos 17 Dec 09 - 02:14 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Dec 09 - 01:45 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 11:38 PM

No-one understands just where he's coming from
When Rapaire makes weird remarks to Mom
Still she handles each one with aplomb
Dear Mom, Dear Mom.

When BL is hurting from
The wicked storm before the calm
He knows MOAB is the bomb!
Dear Mom, Dear Mom!!

She's always left a candle burning
All our deep affections earning
When for comfort we are yearning
BS finds a way!!
In the darkness or the weather
Mom keeps all our acts together
Let's keep adding posts forever
To Mom, Dear Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 10:42 PM

Hey Mom
Don't be afraid
Take some BS
And make it better
Don't let Amos
Get under your skin
And you'll begin
To feelin' better better better...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 04:47 PM

Well, hand me down my Moab thread
Hand me down my Moab thread
Hand me down my Moab thread
It's where I want to rest my head
Dear Mom she has been a friend to me

Well, I got drunk and thrown in jail
I got drunk and thrown in jail
I got drunk and thrown in jail
Mom she came and posted bail
Dear Mom she has been a friend to me

Lost my job, and lost my home
Lost my job, and lost my home
Lost my job, and lost my home
Mom she cosigned for a loan
Dear Mom she has been a friend to me

Well, I got sued and took to court
I got sued and took to court
I got sued and took to court
Mom hired a lawyer. What a sport!
Dear Mom she has been a friend to me

Well, I found out I could not pee
I found out I could not pee
I found out I could not pee
Mom she gave me a kidney
Dear Mom she has been a friend to me

Well, hand me down my Moab thread
Hand me down my Moab thread
Hand me down my Moab thread
It's where I want to rest my head
Dear Mom she has been a friend to me

♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 04:12 PM

If you yearn to date Winona
Still at your door she has not shown-a
Don't let despair afflict persona
Come on down to MOABS!

If your poetry's rejected
And you're feeling quite neglected
By your neighbours disprespected
Come on down to MOABS!

If fantasy's your chosen bag
Your pectorals are showing sag
And people say you're just a hag
Come on down to MOABS!

If to delusions grand you cling
As all your hopes are vanishing
You can always strut and sing
Your glories down at MOABS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 01:59 PM

Well, I guess the song worked. Mom chased that nasty old rain away and it's beautiful, sunny, and not too cold. Thanks, Mom! Here's a song for your efforts:

♫♫

When it's raining dogs and cats, call on Mom!
When it's sleeting baseball bats, call on Mom!
You can send her an email or you can call her on the phone!
You can even leave a message if she's somewhere else than home!

When the chilly north wind blows, call on Mom!
When the snow's up past your nose, call on Mom!
You can mail her a postcard or you can send a candy-gram!
You can send her a male stripper with a message in his hand!

Doesn't matter how you do it, and that's all that there is to it!
Mom will see that you get through it! Call on Mom!

♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 11:50 AM

Hey, Mom. I am preparing to make a Santa run up to LA to visit my son and his wife (who is about to become a mother for the second time) and their wee son.

I have a car full of pressies. I stepped out the front door to load things p and found myself staring into the teeth of an absolute blizzard of sunlight. It was so bright you couldn't see your hand in front of your face, It stacked up on the streets and bounced over the houses, painting everything in an unnaturally brilliant glow. Damn stuff was everywhere!! Almost makes me think it would be better not to drive, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. I've been through worse. I remember one dry season down in Guadalajara, there was so much sunlight it was running into the drainage system for miles and woke up every rat in town.

Anyway, I'll be back tonight.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 10:10 AM

Flexible Flyers!! Lord that brings back some memories!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 01:35 AM

Well, as I am sure you are all eager to know, Ma and I did not make it to the sports bar. What passes for a winter storm here arrived on schedule this evening, and being surrounded by prudent parents, the young lovers had to settle for lunch and a matinee, chauffered by the young lady's Mom, who didn't have to work today.

Nothing makes me feel like I am 10 years old again like flying down a snowy hill on a flexible flyer, bad back, neck, hips and knees be damned.   Alas, the snow has turned to sleet, rain and freezing rain, and all hopes of spending tomorrow night crippled, bruised and happily groaning from pain have been abandoned.

So let's bake cookies and pumpkin bread instead!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 09 - 12:22 AM

I think Rapaire might actually be a kleine scheisskopf in disguise, but if so it is a very good disguise...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 10:01 PM

I like a little Kleineschiesse on Klein Bagels.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 09:44 PM

How about the Kleineschiesse? Only one surface and multiple, multiple, dimensions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 07:01 PM

I'll stick with Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 06:55 PM

People who mix up terms like that shouldn't be doing scinece, if you ask me. Unless of course they were actually channeling a higher truth based on the semantic equivalent of the Klein surface, where meaning itself turns back on itself and ends up transparently inverted. That could be really important...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 04:47 PM

I have a theory that the rabbit hole down which the estimable Mr. Dodgson had young Alice fall was, in fact, a rabbit Klein surface*. And I'm not talking about one of those 3-dimensional wannabe Klein bottles one can buy on the Interweb, but the real deal which only exists in four dimensions.

I have evidence to support this theory in the form of previously unpublished pen-and-ink drawings, originally produced as illustrations for Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Said draings prominently feature a creature which seems to be a cross between a dog and a duck.

* The Klein bottle was originally called the Klein surface. It was mislabeled due to confusion between the German words for "surface" (Fläche) and "bottle" (Flasche).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 04:36 PM

I have glazed over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 04:24 PM

Doughnut question hole-iness.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 03:20 PM

Why does my miind's eye insist on showing me flashes of dancing food and condiments?

Must be something I read.




(joic? ow-ich!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 03:16 PM

♫♫
IF your mind is full of dust
If you fear to make a crust
♫ If other posters are unjust
Come on down to MOAB!
♫♫
You can find your heart's contentment
Wash away fear and resentment, ♫
Voice those often buried sent'ments
Come on down to MOAB! ♫

♫ Mom's place is for sure the place, the only place for you!
When the world looks like BS it's the place you too should come down to,
To make BS come true!


Oh, if you think folks are deceiving,
If entropy has got you grieving,
If the Cat you've thought of leaving,
Come on down to MOAB!

If you tired of acting stoic,
Need to show your heart egoic,
Want a chance to share a joic
COme on down to MOAB! ♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 02:51 PM

Thanks, LIttle Hawk, but I am already hole-ier than Thou.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 01:33 PM

Good thing BWL's rain isn't here commingling with our cold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:47 PM

When I was younger, people would stop talking and look at me whenever I entered a room. I realized then that I had PRESENCE, but a young lady friend suggested a deodorant might help. I had thought that all those people were retching because they'd had too much to drink or something....

NOW, of course Things Are Different.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:44 PM

Brilliantly stated about the holes, Amos. I think you may be ready to join our very exclusive club.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:42 PM

I know what you mean, Rap. Do you ever get that heady feeling as you're walking through a door....

"The most brilliant person here has just entered the room."

Do you have inspiring personal theme music that plays on a ghetto blaster wherever you go to let people know that YOU have ARRIVED? I do. It really helps set the mood properly, I find. Kind of like when Hulk Hogan advances to the ring...or Obama to the microphone...or Woody Allen to the jazz club...or Tiger Woods to the boudoir...

Very heady.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:37 PM

One.

Or an infinite number, since no matter how many you put into the Hall, the Hall will be still empty by normal definition, although it will be chockablock full of holes. But the thing is, no matter how full, you could always add a hole. No-one would notice because it would become one with the existing population of holes, which had in turn already formed a perfect Union of Holes thus achieving a Co-Existence of Absence, a truly rare and exalted state of Being. And any holes you added would definitely be slurped up into said Co-Existence this joining the Great One Hole.

If you then brought an oboe into the Hall, the oboe by its nature would be adding several more holes to the sum, yet somehow, even though those holes were presumed to be part of the Oboe, yet they too would become part of the One Hole. Withal, mirabile dictu the One Hole would not become any deeper for the addition. Nor would it become any shallower if the oboe left.

This provides a terrific recipe for meditation; seek the holes between your thoughts and find the One.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:34 PM

So that Gluon can't get to the rabbits, of course. Of course also, it doesn't work. But don't jump down one.

LH, the only significant thing that happened is that I posted -- that's ALWAYS the most significant item of any span of time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:22 PM

How many holes does it take to fill the Albert Hall?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:21 PM

The freds don't eat the holes, silly; they leave them lying around like so many Mars bar wrappers, although not always where they started.

As for the covers, the freds were required by the National Association for Decency Relating to Body Parts (NADRBP) to provide the covers to protect the modesty of the rabbits who used to eat, shit, copulate and shower inside the holes. Otherwise, no more DNA.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:19 PM

When the cover finally IS lifted from the rabbit hole, I expect Winona Ryder to hop out of it...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:17 PM

I thought Gluojn had chased away all the rabbits that didn't get eaten by the freds....

so why do we have rabbit holes, and why are they covered?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:15 PM

...a fact, a fact!! And one which LH knows full well. But by reversing it with his egoic question, he injected more Pure BS intot he thread, thus accelerating the momentum toward whatever it was BWL said was happening,.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 12:05 PM

Something significant happens here with each post. Each post adds to the cumulative total of BS required to achieve the goal of a totally MOABic state of consciousness. Each post is laden with the potential for being the one that lifts the cover from the rabbit hole.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 11:33 AM

It's been awhile since I've posted here. Did anything significant happen in my absence? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 10:32 AM

ohmahgawd.....remember when MOM and Tina Louise did the duet at the "Owl and the PussyCat"? The papperazzi had a field day!

And I had almost managed to forget that......


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 10:29 AM

Mom! It's raining again!

I've written another song for you. I'll sing it if you'll do something about this %#@*&! rain!

♫♫

Today is a rainy day.
Today is a rainy day.
Today, it is a rainy day.
Oh Mom, please make it go away.

Today is a day of shit.
Today is a day of shit.
Today, it is a day of shit.
Oh Mom, won't you please get rid of it?

♫♫


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 10:27 AM

Well, she could take Mom to a titty bar, but you know where that would end up...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 09:14 AM

Janie - While it might be nice for you and MOM to keep company during the waiting time for son&date; PLEASE do not take her to a Sports Bar.

The last time she went she started more fights then an entire hockey season!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 09 - 08:46 AM

You DO know what they're going to be doing throughout dinner and the movie, don't you?








































Texting!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 11:44 PM

YEah, bring Mom along. Thanks to Gluon, she's timeless, and these little whiplashes on the road to maturity will not appear. Sigh. I think the toughest part about growing up, for sure, is having to start a next generation and somehow steer it while nurturing its self-determination. Young folks are so wildly different one to another.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 07:54 PM

Nothing like fear of screwing up a pie crust to make one screw up a pie crust!

Gee, could say the same thing about singing a song?

Or intergalactic travel. Or raising a dachshund.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 07:52 PM

My little baby is going to be 16 years old tomorrow.

Where did all the time go? Did Gluon run off with it?

Maybe I'll make a birthday pie for him.    Except, he prefers to spend his birthday with his girlfriend who is taking him to dinner and a movie. I offered to take them both to dinner and then they could do the movie. I was let know promptly that the very best, special, present I could give him was to function as the chauffer who magically disappears between dropping them off and picking them up again at the end of the evening.

Looks like I will spend an intimate Friday evening in the gardening and cookbook sections of Barnes & Noble, revving myself up on Starbuck's finest.

Maybe I should bring MOM along, and we can hang out at the Sport's Bar instead. Eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 07:14 PM

You obviously have a mental block. Or don't have a good recipe. Or both.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 07:02 PM

I relish the thought of you toiling over crust, Manne of Emms.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 03:51 PM

I am the anti-crust.
I make quiche without crusts.
I make frozen pies without crust.
I make cheesecakes without crust (usually).

I don't make crusts. My crusts are inedible.

If I have to make a crust it will probably be a crumb crust, which are slightly less inedible then my (theoretical) pie crusts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 03:44 PM

You are such a dodger, Rapaire!! Why don't you do what you should?

Anyway, with a head so full of facts and figures it is no wonder you have a soft spot for spinners...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 03:26 PM

But I won't. 33233!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 03:25 PM

I should apologize to everyone and do penance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 03:25 PM

Oh hell. That was terrible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 03:24 PM

MMario is, then, the Anti-Crust?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 02:14 PM

Well....PIE!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Dec 09 - 01:45 PM

Well, the only kind of pie crust that crosses my threshold is one with a pie already baked inside it. I'm very much a do-it-yourselfer, but some things are best left to professionals. Heart surgery, nuclear powerplant maintenance, and pies are good examples.


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