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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 14 Dec 09 - 12:49 PM
Little Hawk 14 Dec 09 - 12:45 PM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 12:44 PM
Amos 14 Dec 09 - 11:01 AM
GUEST,freds 14 Dec 09 - 09:44 AM
Janie 14 Dec 09 - 07:02 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Dec 09 - 01:45 AM
Janie 13 Dec 09 - 11:52 PM
Rapparee 13 Dec 09 - 10:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Dec 09 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 13 Dec 09 - 08:43 PM
Acme 13 Dec 09 - 08:15 PM
Acme 13 Dec 09 - 08:15 PM
Rapparee 13 Dec 09 - 08:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Dec 09 - 07:23 PM
Rapparee 13 Dec 09 - 06:45 PM
Little Hawk 13 Dec 09 - 06:12 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Dec 09 - 06:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Dec 09 - 03:09 PM
Little Hawk 13 Dec 09 - 02:33 PM
Amos 13 Dec 09 - 02:17 PM
Amos 13 Dec 09 - 12:11 PM
Janie 13 Dec 09 - 08:20 AM
Amos 13 Dec 09 - 06:18 AM
Janie 13 Dec 09 - 12:04 AM
Acme 12 Dec 09 - 11:45 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Dec 09 - 10:28 PM
Rapparee 12 Dec 09 - 10:08 PM
Acme 12 Dec 09 - 09:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Dec 09 - 09:40 PM
Rapparee 12 Dec 09 - 09:17 PM
Janie 12 Dec 09 - 08:21 PM
Amos 12 Dec 09 - 07:23 PM
MMario 12 Dec 09 - 05:55 PM
Amos 12 Dec 09 - 05:17 PM
Amos 12 Dec 09 - 05:15 PM
Amos 12 Dec 09 - 05:04 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Dec 09 - 03:57 PM
Acme 12 Dec 09 - 03:51 PM
Amos 12 Dec 09 - 03:23 PM
Ed T 12 Dec 09 - 01:18 PM
Ed T 12 Dec 09 - 12:35 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Dec 09 - 12:33 PM
Ed T 12 Dec 09 - 12:20 PM
Little Hawk 12 Dec 09 - 12:19 PM
Ed T 12 Dec 09 - 12:17 PM
Ed T 12 Dec 09 - 12:12 PM
Ed T 12 Dec 09 - 12:06 PM
Ed T 12 Dec 09 - 12:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Dec 09 - 12:01 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 12:49 PM

WHy not just be one for a bit and write it up for us?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 12:45 PM

I wonder what the aliens who have abducted Shane from time to time would say about that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 12:44 PM

Just like old Sousaphone Bill
Wonderin' why he's over the hill,
Oh, meee oh my,
I love Janie's turkey pot pie!

Dice it up and keep it neat
Spice it up, that turkey meat,
Oh, me oh my,
Janie's turkey pot pies!

I don't need much, to make a living
Ain't runnin' no race,
But call me up the week after Thanksgiving
I'll push that pie right into my face!!

Heat it up and serve me fust
Turkey meat and Janie's crust!
Oh, me oh my,
Janie's turkey pot pies!!

Wowah!!

They'll save the planet and the skies!
Janie's turkey pot pies!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 11:01 AM

This notion of the freds going around feasting on various DNA structures in the universe is very droll indeed. I wonder,though, how Gluon relates tho them? Does he disrupt their breakfast? DNA is very dependent on the gluons in its makeup, of course. As the messenger particle of the strong nuclear force, if Gluon were to subtract his influence from their breakfast, their cornflakes would get really soggy. If not just vaporozed. So it behooves them to maintain friendly relations with Gluon, which means they should not be snarky about hunting down MOABItes, who are Gluon's keepers.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 09:44 AM

We know them. Their DNA tastes like spoiled erutca fruit and gives one a gaseous flatulence, the odor of which causes starships to deliberately dive into the nearest star. It is, however, tolerable if mixed with peanut butter and we keep such in the emergency food lockers. You would never want a steady diet of it (unless you were a larva, of course).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 07:02 AM

Well of course, Bee- Dubya. I am a social worker, after all.

I'll jump right on those pies!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Dec 09 - 01:45 AM

You need to go ahead and make pot pies with that turkey, Janie. If the rest of the world should run out of turkey pot pies and those smelly fellers from out Antares way are really jonesin' for 'em, your stash might be the difference between the earth being vaporized or not. Don't you wanna save the world?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 11:52 PM

Ya'll has way too vivid and way too creative imaginations.

That is why I luvs ya.

I am soooo... glad of the intuitive wisdom I possess that tol' me to dice the leftover turkey and freeze it simply diced, without going ahead and making pot pies to freeze.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 10:05 PM

No, but my cousin Greg had a Very Close Encounter with a buck some years ago when he was dabbed with the stuff. Greg doesn't like to talk about how close he came to being an active, though unwilling, participant in that year's rut.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 09:57 PM

A clear case of life imitating art:

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell - PM
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 06:47 PM

Speakin' of liquid bodywash...

My neighbor Bubba accidentally got his bodywash an' a bottle of "Doe in Heat" deer attractor mixed up. He was gettin' ready to mow down a field of picked cotton stalks the other mornin' when a eight-point buck comes runnin' outta the woods headin' straight for him. Well, he didn't have no gun with him, so he clumb up into the cab of that big ol' John Deere of his an' got the door shut just before that buck got to him. That deer was so pissed off that he throwed back his head and bellowed for three or four minutes, butted the tractor in the grill a couple of times, and then started humpin' that tractor's left rear tire just like Gluon goin' after Rapaire's leg. That went on for a couple of minutes until the buck seemed to have finished his business, after which he snorted, pissed on the ground, and walked back into the woods.

I asked Bubba how come he didn't just crank up the tractor an' run over the thing, an' he said he was just too dumbfounded to think of it. Well, I don't have too much trouble with that explanation bein' as how dumbfoundin' Bubba ain't much harder than fishin' with dynamite....


Y'all sure someone didn't spray some of that Doe in Heat spray on that combine?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 08:43 PM

Yes, it was NOT damaged.

They salvaged a little, darned little, of the meat. My brother suggested that his friend salvage what they could of the antlers, mount them on a do-it-yourself antler trophy, hold them together with duct tape and badly applied glue, and give it to his friend's son (6 feet 6 inches, 235 pounds, and none of it fat).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 08:15 PM

Did they at least salvage some of the meat? And I am guessing you meant to say the combine was NOT damaged?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 08:15 PM

That is a rather unusual way of committing suicide. But then, it was probably inevitable. After all, that buck saw the grim reaper coming his way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 08:06 PM

This is a true story. It proves that deer also qualify for Darwin Awards.

A friend of my family works about 400 acres in West Central Illinois. Last weekend he and his son were combining the corn -- it's been a very wet year, so combining was late. Anyway, an 8-point (Eastern count) buck deer was taking a rest in the cornfield. It jumped up as the combine approached and ran directly into the machine. Fortunately, the combine was damaged, but the hide clogged it so badly that it had to be taken apart and our friends lost about six hours of work time.

Just thought I let y'all know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 07:23 PM

Well, it's hard to describe what passes for fetal position among them*. For one thing, they never were fetuses. The closest analog we have to their pre-adult form would be a sentient tail light assembly from a 1957 Cadillac. That's not exactly it, but it's within the tri-county area. "Fetal position" would be sort of like a pair of glowing red erections with their left turn signals on. But not exactly.

But, yes, they do occasionally suck on their digits, though their digits are roughly where our mouths are and their mouths (each has four) are roughly where our digits are. In fact, digit sucking is their third leading cause of death. They occasionally get to sucking so hard that they suck themselves inside out. If another one of them isn't nearby to blow them back into proper inside/outside oriention within minutes, they're history.


* I don't know what they're called since they only communicate by smell. They smell a bit like a spill on Aisle 3, but I'm not gonna call 'em that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 06:45 PM

Then again, it might drive them all to crouch in what passes for the fetal position while they suck their digits.

Most people don't know that Shame is actually part of the Canadian Defence Forces Chemical Weapons Division. Of course, he's banned by several international treaties.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 06:12 PM

If they ever got a whiff of Shane, they would vaporize this planet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 06:02 PM

By the way, there is a planet out Antares way (though it's not a planet of Antares itself) whose inhabitants regulary visit the earth. They really hate everything about our planet except frozen turkey pot pies. Them, they love. They're not a very friendly lot, and would have probably vaporized us long ago if it weren't for the fact that Earth is the only place in the entire universe that even has frozen turkey pot pies. If there should ever be a shortage of them, we're all done for.

However, "Gref nuv yepurtnos jivnur promquernt!" does not mean "Give us all your turkey pot pies or we'll vaporize your planet!" in their language. I made that up. In reality, they have no verbal language. They communicate by smell. That's why their spaceships resemble giant aromatherapy infusers. It's also why they dislike our planet so much. They find our smell offensive. It says "Your mother is an Aldeberanian douche bag!" in their language.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 03:09 PM

BS must be created by a BSer. If the content of a link is obviously created by a BSer, then it is BS. However, that doesn't necessarily make it MOAB BS.

As a general rule, BS provided by a link should either be used as a jumping off point for original BS, or as a means of enhancing original BS. There are exceptions where a piece of linked BS is so perfect that there's no way to add to it, but they're rare and should be used sparingly.

Similarly, meaningless gibberish is not generally BS. It only becomes BS within context. "Gref nuv yepurtnos jivnur promquernt!" is not BS. But when it's translated as "Give us all your turkey pot pies or we'll vaporize your planet!" it's BS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 02:33 PM

Amos, my condolences on the loss of your brother.

As for the Sarah Palin/William Shatner encounter, that will go down in history as one of the most spectacular entertainment moments of all time. Unforgettable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 02:17 PM

What is BS?

This age old discussion needs to be resolved. Is it only counted if it does not come from horses? Does it have to be anonymous to qualify? Or, contrary-wise, does it have to be of known origin to be True BS?

How much fact can be included in BS without disqualifying it as true BS?

Purists argue that including links is modernism, not true BS. Counter-arguments are made that modern BS is perfectly valid BS, even with links.

What criteria should we use to arrive at a consensus and establish a universal standard for all?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 12:11 PM

They really go well together, don't they -- large-framed glowing visages riding high on renown for its own sake.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 08:20 AM

Oh WOW!

Sarah Palin and William Shatner


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 06:18 AM

Thanks, guys. I am a bit hung over this morning having tried t correct the situation by using Blotto, the alcoholic obliterator, but to no avail. I really appreciate your kind feelings.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Dec 09 - 12:04 AM

I'm so sorry, Amos. The end of January will be the 20th anniversary of my older sister's death. I miss her every day.

Don't ever be embarrassed about experiencing sadness or grief. When siblings or parents die, we have lost not only some one we love, we have lost some one who is witness to significant parts of our own existence.

No BS in that, but we are family here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 11:45 PM

Leo, I hope you're feeling okay. Mudcatters across the spectrum seem to be out of sorts and some in need of medical attention this week.

But I have one burning question. . .


























Did you get to ride in an ambulance?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 10:28 PM

My sympathies as well.

I'm sure that, being Amos's brother, John was an exceptional person.

I hate the phrase "Rest in Peace". Rest is a static state, which is not what I believe death is. How about "Boogie in Peace"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 10:08 PM

And I should add my sympathy to Maggie's.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 09:55 PM

Amos, I'm so sorry to read about your brother's death. If he was half as interesting and witty as you are, he was a pretty special guy.

Maggie


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 09:40 PM

Hi Mom! Guess What? I do not have any armpits any more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 09:17 PM

What?! No appendix? Do you still have a foreword, a table of contents, a bibliography, and an index?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 08:21 PM

Wondered where you were off to, Darlin' MMario. Sorry it wasn't to the Bahamas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 07:23 PM

Oh, man of Emms but not of Zees
What happened to you, if you please?
OF all the world's appendices
How is't this befalleth thee?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 05:55 PM

Hi Mom! Guess What? I do not have an appendix any more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 05:17 PM

Stilly:

Thanks for misdirecting the freds. Otherwise my fate might have been sealed!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 05:15 PM

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects!

(R.A. Heinlein)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 05:04 PM

I am subdued and embarrassingly saddened by the passage of one of the dearest men ever to speak our mother tongue, my brother John, at 3:40 this morning in Grass Valley, California. His existence was woven into the fabric of my life from childhood, and it is unsettling to have to reorganize my universe and accommodate his sudden, permanent absence. He was a thoroughly decent man, kind, intelligent, highly humorous, with a casual courageousness that proved that life was more fun and less frightening than it is reputed to be. He will be missed by scores of friends and relatives.

I am of the opinion that he is spending some time hanging out at around 80,000 feet just admiring the view and enjoying the relief from a very trying and painful year of decline. I wish him grand adventure and great success wherever he may next turn his attention.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 03:57 PM

Gee, maybe I should have said "Ed's obvious purpose here is that of a foil."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 03:51 PM

Little Hawk, you'll have to treat that errant apostrophe like a flyspeck on the page. I have a horrible head cold, I feel like shit, and probably shouldn't be sitting up and typing at all. I think I'll go take a nap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 03:23 PM

Jeeze, Ed, I think you got to takin; it all wrong. Why, you ain't had a fraction of a smithereen of the abuse I handed out to Leedle Hack and the Manne of Bookes, yet they--hidebound stalwarts both--keep carryin' on in the best Mom tradition. Why, I even made you a hero in the last Epic!! Most folks don't get that recognition until they've been in harness a year or more, and Little Hawk is still waiting.

I thank you for bringing to my attention the often overlooked sciewntrific particle Monoamine oxidase B, also known as MAOB, which is a protein which in humans is encoded by the MAOB gene.

But in the house of Mom we generally spell it t'other way by convention.

I do hope your personal pique will slip aside and you will return to these sacred halls with new vigor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 01:18 PM

"Man who is run over by car gets tired"....I'm not a sensitive type, but, detect the old unwelcome mat....that the writing on the wall is addressed to me...Tried to fit in. didn't seem work out...farwell MAOB folks....Keep posting, have fun.

"Adios amigos, no estas usted
Adios amigos, no es bueno"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:35 PM

Sorry, that one was posted before Bee-dubya-ell...pay attention.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:33 PM

Ed's obvious purpose here is that of a foil.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:20 PM

Why do you ask...LH?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:19 PM

What is your real purpose here, Ed?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:17 PM

Though we can't say it (at MAOB)
We might secretly think about science anyway....
a' yay


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:12 PM

Well of course MAOB is also the "killjoy" enzyme....for those who secretly like science....but were afraid to admit it aloud in the MAOB thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:06 PM

Chickadee china syndrome is common at Chinese buffets


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:03 PM

Bee-dubya-ell
My last note was confidential, fer your eyes only....so, dont share it with the others at MAOB.
I never used a PM, 'cause I don't know how to do it....'cause my pooter is one of the old pull start Russian models, with a Russian keyboard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Dec 09 - 12:01 PM

I'm also of the buffet persuasion, Maggie, but most of our restaurant eating is due to being away at art fairs. That means eating out anywhere from three to five nights in a row and, while I could eat Chinese buffet five nights straight, my wife insists on some variety.


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