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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 06 Apr 09 - 10:03 PM
Janie 06 Apr 09 - 08:08 PM
Amos 06 Apr 09 - 07:52 PM
Rapparee 06 Apr 09 - 07:11 PM
Amos 06 Apr 09 - 05:33 PM
Amos 06 Apr 09 - 03:45 PM
Rapparee 06 Apr 09 - 02:57 PM
Amos 06 Apr 09 - 12:27 PM
Amos 06 Apr 09 - 10:23 AM
Rapparee 06 Apr 09 - 08:10 AM
Acme 05 Apr 09 - 11:32 PM
Janie 05 Apr 09 - 10:49 PM
Amos 05 Apr 09 - 10:20 PM
Acme 05 Apr 09 - 08:28 PM
Rapparee 05 Apr 09 - 08:17 PM
Amos 05 Apr 09 - 06:16 PM
Amos 05 Apr 09 - 10:32 AM
Acme 05 Apr 09 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 05 Apr 09 - 08:13 AM
Amos 04 Apr 09 - 11:35 PM
Rapparee 04 Apr 09 - 05:13 PM
Janie 04 Apr 09 - 03:03 PM
Amos 04 Apr 09 - 01:58 PM
Rapparee 04 Apr 09 - 12:36 PM
Amos 04 Apr 09 - 12:18 PM
Rapparee 04 Apr 09 - 11:53 AM
MMario 04 Apr 09 - 10:00 AM
Janie 04 Apr 09 - 09:11 AM
Amos 04 Apr 09 - 04:48 AM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 08:35 PM
Acme 03 Apr 09 - 06:47 PM
Amos 03 Apr 09 - 06:14 PM
Acme 03 Apr 09 - 04:34 PM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 04:29 PM
Amos 03 Apr 09 - 04:10 PM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 01:52 PM
Amos 03 Apr 09 - 01:20 PM
Acme 03 Apr 09 - 12:52 PM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 12:41 PM
Amos 03 Apr 09 - 10:34 AM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 09:07 AM
MMario 03 Apr 09 - 08:32 AM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 09:18 PM
Amos 02 Apr 09 - 08:19 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 06:21 PM
MMario 02 Apr 09 - 03:42 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 09 - 03:18 PM
Acme 02 Apr 09 - 03:12 PM
MMario 02 Apr 09 - 03:05 PM
Janie 02 Apr 09 - 02:57 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 10:03 PM

By G-d, now he's stealing from himself!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 08:08 PM

I tip my hat to you, sir. You've outdone even yourself!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 07:52 PM

Subject: RE: BS: What's Wrong With the BS???
From: Amos - PM
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 07:42 PM

It was decreed in days of yore,
When chaos reigned the lowlands o'er
And many a good post ended dead
That all BS go in one thread.

This bold decree, both brave and new
Was offered up by King Khandu
And this wise gem that Khandu offered
Was seized upon by Lord Joe Offer.

"I worship at your feet, Khandu!"
Joe Offer said. And thus we knew,
The Mudcat Clique had answered "Yes"
And blessed the Mom of All BS.

So since that day, when BS lags,
And fiery threads all seem to sag,
Abandon them, and every other!
And find your solace in our Mother!!

For men may sing and men may sin,
Fads will go out, and new come in,
Posters will err, and ne'er confess,
But in the world of True BS

Nothing more sacred ye will find
Nor trove a purer BS line,
Quality finer than spun Gold
Is the BS our Mother holds.

Turn ye from lesser threads away.
Come to the house of Mom to play!
There you well welcome be, and view
Only BS that's round, and true!

Full deep, full rich, and fully packed
Lacking no hue, nor hewing no lack!
All you need do is whisper, "Yes!"
Come home to the Mom of All BS.


Tournville Plein des Pētes Mauvaises
Chansons de Ma Mere Vraie
Paris, 1949


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 07:11 PM

Yes, it's just as good as Fairbairn & Sykes on shooting, hand-to-hand combat, and knifework.

...All in my deperation
I stabbed him in his breast.
I killed a man for Flora
The Lily Of The West.


...Sergeant there is something that I haven't mastered yet.
I haven't got the hang of how to use the bayonet.
If he doesn't die at once, am I to stick him with it more?
Oh, I hope you will be patient for I've never killed before.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 05:33 PM

h, yes. The inventory of lethal adversarial worldviews. Applegate's book "Kill or Get Killed" (FMFRP 12-80) is available as a 17.5MB PDF download on various sites. Sigh.

He's five foot-two, and he's six feet-four,
He fights with missiles and with spears.
He's all of thirty-one, and he's only seventeen,
Been a soldier for a thousand years.

He'a a Catholic, a Hindu, an Atheist, a Jain,
A Buddhist and a Baptist and a Jew.
And he knows he shouldn't kill,
And he knows he always will,
Kill you for me my friend and me for you.

And he's fighting for Canada,
He's fighting for France,
He's fighting for the USA,
And he's fighting for the Russians,
And he's fighting for Japan,
And he thinks we'll put an end to war this way.

And he's fighting for Democracy,
He's fighting for the Reds,
He says it's for the peace of all.
He's the one who must decide,
Who's to live and who's to die,
And he never sees the writing on the wall.


Don't mind me. I'm probably a latent pinko commie hippie faggot bastard, you know... ;>)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 03:45 PM

Dear God, now he's being his past life as Peter Roget, British 19th century physician... Gawd save us if he regresses to Harvey, or worse, Galen of Pergamum...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 02:57 PM

Amos, Amos, Amos. This is a library conference. We don't have sabers here.


























Bolos, Bowie knives, stilettos, dirks, Arkansas toothpicks, rondels, saxes, krisses, smatchets, Ka-bars, Fairbairn-Sykes, Fairbairn-Applegate...yes. But no sabers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 12:27 PM

Well, Still, be sure to have those memorized when you walk into the restaurant so he doesn't get all excited and pull his saber out and waggle it at you...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 10:23 AM

IfF you have not gone to the theater and watched SLum Dog Millionaire may I recommend heartily that you so do? As flawed as it is it is a beautiful movie.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 08:10 AM

There is. Melvil Dewey and John Cotton Dana created during a "meeting" with Kate Sanborn in in 1881. To insure secrecy they never told anyone else or wrote it down or even used it themselves, but legend says that there are photos in the "Extremely Salacious and Obscene" section of the Vatican Library. So yes, it exists, but nobody can show it to you.

The most commonly used secret greeting is "Want a beer or something stronger?" The secret response is "You buyin'?"

The most common secret question is "So, did they leave any money in your budget?" The secret response is "SHEEEEEEEEEE-IT! Are you kiddin'?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 11:32 PM

I hope so. But just in case, I'll ask at work to see if there is a secret librarian's handshake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 10:49 PM

I have confidence that Maggie can disarm him....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 10:20 PM

This confirms Rapaire is in a revivification of a past life: nobody mortars boats anymore since it has been proven scientifically that it makes them sticky and hard to steer.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 08:28 PM

Sorry it isn't warmer for the battle. But tomorrow is another day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 08:17 PM

I made it, Mom! The boat was mortared as we came in a couple of guys were hurt, but I made it. I hope you get this. We're pinned down on at a sea wall; lost a lot of good men getting up the beach. We're going to have to Do Something before the tide comes in. I lost my rifle in the surf (went head over heels) but I picked up a flamethrower so I guess it all comes out even.

Well, there's the whistle. We're going over the top. Tell Annabelle my last thoughts were of her and her sweet, tender kiss.

R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 06:16 PM

We went out to Lakeside, a sleepy town hovering in the vicinity of 1935, for a dose of quainitude which we found in full, a place that still has a Rexall. THere's a theater in the Old Town area that would make a bodfo coffeeshop/folkhouose, but I am not sure the area is ready for gentirefication.


Mom git up!! Lazy ole thang!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 10:32 AM

Seems to me ole Rap needs to come to terms with his last lifetime.

Enjoy your dinner, Stilly. He's going to want to talk about me, I just know. So please take notes.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 10:17 AM

It's a pretty day in North Texas, though we had a "cold front" come through overnight. Still, it'll probably be warmer than Pocotello.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 08:13 AM

Dear Mom,

In a little while we'll get in the boats and head for shore. We know it's going to be hell on the beach, but the navy has done a pretty good job of softening it up and we hope that most of the enemy resistance has been blown all to heck. Of course, we know that won't have happened, but we also know that Our Cause is Just and that we WILL win for you and all of the folks who are doing so much in the airplane plants, the ammunition plants, the shipyards, and farms to give us the stuff we need for Victory.

But if you don't hear from me again, remember that my last thoughts were of you, of our little home on the farm, of your apple pie, and of the little brown church in the dell. And if you see her, please tell Mary Lou that my last thoughts were of her and of the sweet kiss on the cheek she gave me when I left. I haven't washed or shaved that spot since, and I don't care what the sergeant or the other guys say or the names they call me. Some things are sacred.

There's the bell, Mom. Well, my rifle is clean and oiled, my bayonet is sharpened, and I have the old family brass knuckles in my pocket. I also have that little bible in my shirt pocket because it always stops enemy bullets there. Got to load into the boat now.

Take care.

Your fave rave son,
R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 11:35 PM

When that Cotton Bowl gets rotten
All the customers get forgotten
In that old Cotton Field back home...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 05:13 PM

The last time I was in Dallas was to see Notre Dame play Texas A&M in the Cotton Bowl.

Come to think of it, that's the ONLY time I've been in Dallas (except once to change planes).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 03:03 PM

Prayin' for you, Stilly....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 01:58 PM

Big doin's???

So the mail-order pharmaceuticals have workd????



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 12:36 PM

Oh, good! They're SOOOOOOOOOOOO tasty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 12:18 PM

Wave your saber thingy at it the next time. It will freeze its very blood!!

Yes, of course I mean Las Vegas, New Mexico, a charming town I almost bought a house in once.

IT is where las Vegans all go to retire.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 11:53 AM

Gotta git packed! Big doin's! Gonna FLY tomorrow!

Amos, do you mean Las VEgas, New Mexico?

Had another coyote in the backyard this morning -- it jumped the fence and tore off across the golf course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 10:00 AM

yes, it's a beuatiful upstate nY dpring day here as well; Grey clouds, drizzle, cold rain falling and brown squelchy stuff on the ground surface where snow used to be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 09:11 AM

Wake Up!

Gorgeous day. You sit here in the morning sun, Mom, and drink your tea.

Off to see clients then to work on taxes and the yard, then to watch basketball.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 04:48 AM

IN that case, you should go to Las VEgas for dinner.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 08:35 PM

I'm a Vegan, brought here by a starship from Vega.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 06:47 PM

Of course! That makes perfect sense! The Mongolian Grill is very popular down here. We'll just let him go out back and slice up the beef in the meat locker, no need to wait for it to arrive chopped up at the counter where you choose your ingredients.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 06:14 PM

Be sure and find one of those "carve your own roastbeef" buffets for the occasion...


It promises to be a sabery dining experience.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:34 PM

It should be a lot of fun. Fingers crossed no tornadoes blow through to dampen the occasion

Pssss. Amos. Can I take this guy out in public to eat, or do I need to find a place where he won't set off the metal detectors and they have a cloak room with a rack for sabres?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:29 PM

Well of course not! That would be silly, paying yourself to fly in your private jet (all Socalists have private jets).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:10 PM

Sure. As I said, I am free. But I don't pay my own transport.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 01:52 PM

Stilly and I are having dinner in Dallas -- wanna join us?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 01:20 PM

I'm always free for dinner. I think ifsoeoneis going tot he trouble of making you dinner or buying you dinner, it is just poor form to charge them for your company.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 12:52 PM

No trash down here in Dallas, though. Send a PM and let me know your schedule and when you think you'll be free for dinner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 12:41 PM

They're lots better than trench kissing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 10:34 AM

Which explains the lost weekend. Mind you, that's not what I fed him. It's what he polished off in his hotel room afterwards. It was part of the military tradition--trench cocktails.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 09:07 AM

Yes, but it's not usually made of food coloring, Sterno, and antifreeze.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 08:32 AM

I thought cheap red vino was the basis of a Mediterranean lifestyle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 09:18 PM

Oh, THAT'S what that was.

Best wine I ever drank, best food I ever ate.

Yes, I've met Amos and even been in his abode or dwelling (as the case may be). He is by no means a shriveled, dried up husk. In fact, he is very well rounded indeed, probably weighing well over 25 stone and all of it well-toned muscle. He is about 2.5 meters tall and he showed me how he could break a logging chain wrapped loosely around his chest simply by taking a deep breath. He carefully and gently lifted the corner of his house to tuck his car in the garage, explaining that doing so saves the energy his garage door opener would use. His guitar (a Martin Gibson Dreadnought) is strung with half-inch steel cable and instead of pegs he tunes each string with a winch. I enjoyed my repast and watched as he ate about 3 stone of raw beef, the blood still squirting with every bite he took. We shared some wine, as I mentioned earlier; I had a couple of glasses and Amos drank the tun from the tun.

No, he's not a dried up husk. I was just funnin' him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 08:19 PM

Dried up? You really did have a lost weekend when you visited. You've forgotten all that cheap red vino we use down here to offset the Mediterranean lifestyle.

I'm going where the sun shines all the time.
I'm going where the sun shines all the time.
I'm going where the sun shines all the time, Lord, Lord.
I ain't a-gonne be treated this a-way.




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 06:21 PM

I thunk he was already a dried up husk, living in the middle of all that California sun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 03:42 PM

Which is why MOM is worried about Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 03:18 PM

Yes. He returned home just a dried husk of his former self: a cold, pallid, bloodless, type similar to Scrooge before the Ghosts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 03:12 PM

Fer shure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 03:05 PM

Amos - MOM is very nervous about you diving with those reef mosquitos. She hears that the saltwater mosquitos are worse then barracudas. She says she just saw a FOX news special where a person skindiving in Belize scratched himself on a piece of coral and the reef mosquitos swarmed down on him and sucked every last bit of blood out of him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 02 Apr 09 - 02:57 PM

I'm convinced the only reason Rapaire is in Idaho is because of the sheep.

Of course, it could be that Amos is so at home in San Diego because of the zoo.

Normal people live in places like Texas, Florida, Canada, North Carolina and New York.








Or maybe Saturn.


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