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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,freds 20 Dec 08 - 11:29 AM
Amos 20 Dec 08 - 11:12 AM
Acme 20 Dec 08 - 10:37 AM
Rapparee 20 Dec 08 - 10:23 AM
Rapparee 19 Dec 08 - 11:36 PM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 08 - 07:23 PM
Rapparee 19 Dec 08 - 05:51 PM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 08 - 05:13 PM
Rapparee 19 Dec 08 - 05:00 PM
Amos 19 Dec 08 - 02:10 PM
Little Hawk 19 Dec 08 - 01:19 PM
Amos 19 Dec 08 - 10:07 AM
Rapparee 19 Dec 08 - 09:20 AM
Acme 19 Dec 08 - 12:33 AM
Rapparee 18 Dec 08 - 11:16 PM
Amos 18 Dec 08 - 10:44 PM
Acme 18 Dec 08 - 08:37 PM
Amos 18 Dec 08 - 08:35 PM
Amos 18 Dec 08 - 08:03 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 08 - 05:22 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 08 - 05:08 PM
Amos 18 Dec 08 - 04:50 PM
Amos 18 Dec 08 - 04:39 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 08 - 04:24 PM
Amos 18 Dec 08 - 03:26 PM
Amos 18 Dec 08 - 02:59 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 08 - 02:43 PM
Amos 18 Dec 08 - 01:49 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 08 - 01:36 PM
Amos 18 Dec 08 - 12:51 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 08 - 12:11 PM
Rapparee 18 Dec 08 - 12:08 PM
Amos 18 Dec 08 - 11:51 AM
Rapparee 18 Dec 08 - 11:45 AM
Amos 18 Dec 08 - 11:20 AM
Rapparee 18 Dec 08 - 09:45 AM
Amos 18 Dec 08 - 09:40 AM
Rapparee 18 Dec 08 - 09:33 AM
Amos 17 Dec 08 - 09:11 PM
Little Hawk 17 Dec 08 - 08:15 PM
Amos 17 Dec 08 - 07:59 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 08 - 07:17 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 08 - 07:15 PM
Little Hawk 17 Dec 08 - 06:49 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 08 - 06:41 PM
Acme 17 Dec 08 - 06:16 PM
Rapparee 17 Dec 08 - 06:05 PM
Amos 17 Dec 08 - 12:13 PM
Amos 17 Dec 08 - 11:08 AM
Little Hawk 17 Dec 08 - 10:47 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 11:29 AM

Stilly River Sage you ask for us and we were outside your house contemplating DNA incorporation of your dogs but were afraid to proceed. We can quote Shakespeare even though sheithe is not incorporated. We tried but found itherhis DNA to be too old and dry. Here is some Shakespeare. We will split ourself to say the parts:

fred 1: Round about the cauldron go.
In the poisoned entrails throw.
Toad, that under cold stone
Days and nights has thiry-one
Sweltered venom sleeping got
Boil thou first i' the charmd pot.
ALL: Double, double toil and trouble,
Fire burn and caldron bubble.

fred 2: Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the caldron boil and bake.
Eye of net and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blindworm's sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Fire burn and caldron bubble.

All freds: Double, double toil and trouble,
Fire burn and caldron bubble.

fred 2: Scale of dragon, tooth of wolf,
Witches' mummy, maw and gulf
Of the ravined salt-sea shark,
Root of hemlock digged i' the dark,
Liver of blaspheming Jew,
Gall of goat and slips of yew
Slivered in the moon's eclipse,
Nose of Turk and Tatar's lips,
Finger of birth-strangled babe
Ditch-delivered by a drab,
Make the gruel thick and slab.
Add thereto a tiger's chaudron,
For the ingredients of our caldron.

All freds: Double, double toil and trouble,
Fire burn and caldron bubble.

fred 2: Cool it with a baboon's blood,
Then the charm is firm and good.

This is our favorite part of Shakespeare. It makes what you call a "good soup" if you use good DNA. Here is some more of our favorite Shakespeare:

I am Gluttony, my parents are al dead, and the diuel a peny they haue left me, but a bare pension, and that is 30. meales a day, and tenne beauers, a small triflle to suffice nature, O I come of a royall parentage, my grandfather was a gammon of bacon, my grandmother a
hogs head of Claret-wine:My godfathers were these, PeterPickle-herring,and Martin Martlemas-biefe, O but my godmother she was a iolly gentlewoman,and welbeloued in euery good towne and Citie, her name was mistresse Margery March-beere: now Faustus, thou hast heard all my Progeny, wilt thou bid me to supper?

So you see, freds can quote Shakespeare.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 11:12 AM

Rhode Island is neither a Road nor an Island. Discuss!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 10:37 AM

Little Hawk, the subjects you pick for discussion, they don't go together, despite the pundit's attempts. It's like hosting a ballet gala at the site of a train wreck. (Palin's soon-to be in-law was arrested on drug charges, scream yesterday's headlines. I didn't pursue the story).

Might as well ask the Freds to start reciting Shakespeare.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 08 - 10:23 AM

Last night's party was great, Mom. We raised a few hundred dollars for the local Food Bank.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 11:36 PM

Well, I think I understand now. Palin plugged Bullwinkle in a fit of jealousy over Obama. Both Bullwinkle and Palin had "the hots" for Barack and, well, rooty-toot-toot three times she shoot....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 07:23 PM

What???? No, you mistake my meaning entirely. I am not suggesting that Barack and Sarah are "an item". I am suggesting that they are each (separately, you understand) the most interesting figures on the American political scene of late. I predict that we will hear much more from Sarah once she weathers the storm of protest over her recent untimely shooting of Bullwinkle J. Moose. And as for Barack, he's going to be front page news for the foreseeabe future.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 05:51 PM

You wish to discuss the intimate relationship between Obama and Palin? Is there one? I understand that Michelle is angry because Barack has been seeing some hussy -- I read it in "The Globe" at the market the other day. I guess George and Laura have made up, because there's been nothing about his binge drinking and carousing with Condi in the paper lately. Could the hussy be Sarah????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 05:13 PM

Here I give you a perfect topic to consume a few more acres of bandwidth on...and you scorn it! Oh, the inhumanity of it all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 05:00 PM

Yes, my paints are freezing as I use them and the ink in the inkwell has a skim of ice on it. Only a few twigs are available to burn, to barely turn my frozen tea into ice tea and to warm the single frozen dried herring for my pitiable supper. Even the notes from my trumpet freeze and fall to the floor before they can be heard.

To be so alone and so lonely at this Season, bereft of a loving family, of the warmth of smiling faces, to know that on Sunday I must endure the snarls and growls of other travelers and to be placed in the care of the airline industry...ah, how sad, how very, very sad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 02:10 PM

SIgh. Pearls before bulls, obviously. Back to the drawing board, unfed and unnurtured, unappreciated, slaving in a freezing garrett for the love of Mom and the Merde Gratis Merdis that rules the BSosphere...


An artist's work is never done.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 01:19 PM

Barack Obama and Sarah Palin. The two most refreshing things to happen in USA politics in a long, long time.

Discuss... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 10:07 AM

who's in and who's out of jail at the moment....

What!! Did I miss something? Have the Obtusity Patrol, the Clarity Warden, or the Plagiarism Rangers finally caught up with our bold Information Highwayman?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 09:20 AM

Yes they do. Gotta catch up on the family news, you know. The new babies, the marriages, the deaths, the drunks, the recipes, who's in and who's out of jail at the moment....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Dec 08 - 12:33 AM

We need a MOAB reunion. Haven't heard from some of those folks in a long time. Surely they know they don't REALLY need to read the whole thing to stop by and say "Hello!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 11:16 PM

I've won and I've lost, but I've never quit.
                           --Hipshot Percussion


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 10:44 PM

Il faut s'engager, ma cherie!!! Il faut s'engager!!! Toujours l'audace!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 08:37 PM

You guys have been busy today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 08:35 PM

Come Little Hawk, Stilly, Old Bunnhab, Rapaire!
The smell of Noel is now stiff on the air!
Come Freds and comes spatulas, Khandu as well,
And lighten your hearts with the season's bright smell!
Li'l Hawk, leave your E-Bay, and Stilly your baking!
Forgot sour bowels and the toes which are achin'!
ANd hark unto Amos, the soul of verbosity!
FOrgive him his hubris, his wit and pomposity!
And then forgive Hawkster his fear of reality!
Forgive poor Bunnhabain his awesome mortality!
Bless Rebel's wild poems, forgive absent Khandu
The freds for their hunger for swallowing you!
And even Rapaire, if he'll only stop squirmin'
Soon shriven will be for his dastardly German!
His Latin forgiven, his Celtic and Frank!
And for now, he'll be welcomed as a regular Yank!
And soon all of MOAB will find itself reeling
In cinnamon odors and gobs of good feeling!
So quick, to the Season!! We'll make it all right!
Merry Christmas to all,
And BS,
And good night!

Clement C Rhools
A Visit from Saint MOAB
1877


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 08:03 PM

Enough of your condescending frippery, Meinherr. You will not find Babelfish glibidity as a requirement for participation on this thread; ordinary courtesy should do the rest, unless it is a sorely missing quality.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 05:22 PM

I'm sorry, Amos. The quotation is, "Where they burn books, they will will also burn men."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 05:08 PM

"Dort, wo man Bcher verbrennt, verbrennt man am Ende auch Menschen."
                                                       -- Heine


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 04:50 PM

Is he native to this realm? No,
his wide nature grew out of both worlds.
They more adeptly bend the willow's branches
who have experience of the willow's roots.

When you go to bed, don't leave bread or milk
on the table: it attracts the dead--
But may Mom, this quiet conjurer, may She
beneath the mildness of the eyelid

mix their bright traces into every seen thing;
and may the magic of earthsmoke and rue
be as real for her as the clearest connection.

Nothing can mar for her the authentic image;
whether he wanders through houses or graves,
let her praise signet ring, gold necklace, BS, jar.

Hailer Sellalassy Rillkey
Babbles of a Mother's Breath
Boothbay Harbor, 1937


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 04:39 PM

It is so insane, Rapaire, for you to cast me as the promoter of illiteracy, and non-communication, when it is you who is going out of your way to be incomprehensible!!

blockhead, . .

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 04:24 PM

Yes, you win. From now on I will not use any word with more than four ltrs. even tho what it mean may go down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 03:26 PM

ANd it's a good thing I like you as well as I do, or I would get really ticked. But I won't. But you might want to drop in and discuss this dysfunction of yours with Herr Doktor Liebenscheiss. I am sure he will appreciate what you are going through. He translated Dr Faustus from the original Sanskrit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 02:59 PM

SHe weeps and bemoans your obstinate and curmudgeonly refusal to communicate. You see, the great difference between these titans and yourself, sir, is their merit moved those who wished to communicate their thoughts here to translate them into English; while your demerit moves you to take ordinary English sentiments--like "Up yours, Little Hawk!"-- and disguise them from all understanding, a most immoral impulse indeed. Fie, you semantic burier of noble thoughts and digger of grave-holes. Twice fie!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 02:43 PM

Alas! Poor Cyrano, your tales would not be admitted by Amos! Alack, poor Baron Munchausen, you would be forced to wait in outside the door! Ah, Alfred, your failed Gedankenexperimenten would be barred because they were in German and hence not worthy of BS! Don Quixote and Rabelais, Gargantua and Pantagruel, the Wife of Bath...all banned!

It is enough to make Mom weep...and she is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 01:49 PM

AYe, and a cunning one to boot. But here, where the flower of scintillating English releases the perfume of BS into the rich MOAB airs, is no place for you to practice dead languages, sirrah. To intentionally harangue someone in a language they cannot understand is not cunning; it is not informative; it is not entertaining; it is not compassionate; it is not communication; it is not helpful; it is not worthy of the Mother who watches over all of us.

I am sure there are other uses you can find for your many tongues -- or at least two.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 01:36 PM

So, you believe English is the only language in which one should even attempt communication? That only in English can great thoughts be expressed?

Isn't that a trifle lingual-centric? Are you...a linguist??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 12:51 PM

Just goes to show--you can make a ragamuffin into a librarian, but you will never get the ragamuffin out of the librarian. When you come to a frame of mind, you rapscallion, where you wish to communicate ideas instead of egocentric histrionics, please, be so kind as to advise of same.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 12:11 PM

And Amos? Coimhad fearg fhear na foighde.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 12:08 PM

Was, kein Smalltalk? Keine Plauderstunde? Tja, das ist das Problem von heute, keiner will sich mehr Zeit fr ein richtig finsteres Verhr nehmen, eine verlorengegangene Kunst.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 11:51 AM

Did they not have standardized spelling in Voltaire's time, curmudgeon of obliquity, scamp of obscurity, daemon of incomprehensibility? Fie.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 11:45 AM

Ah well -- "Le vrai philosphe n'attend rien des homes, et il leur fait tout le bien don't il est capable," as my friend Franois-Marie Arouet used to say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 11:20 AM

No, sir, I will not. I have a reasonable command of Latin, and my own sister is a specialist in it. But the burden of communication, first and foremost, is on he who communicates, and for you to engage in this sort of wilful anti-communication on this most revered of threads is obstreperous, and verges on the anti-social. Go, get thee to a nunnery, th'art a bag of dry dust and a scalawag in the bargain.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 09:45 AM

Your lack of knowledge of the tongue of Classical Rome is hardly my fault. And the Latin is quite good -- I suggest you ask a Latin teacher (assuming you can still find one around these days).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 09:40 AM

You really need a better translator, Rapaire.

ALso, since it is clear without ado that your intent in making these posts in bad Latin is in no wise to communicate, one must ask what it is you intend?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Dec 08 - 09:33 AM

Poor, poor Amos. A perfect example of merda taurorum animas conturbit. Even though his teachers used to say "Hic puer est stultissimus omnium" Mom continued to have faith in him, saying "Studium discendi voluntate quae cogi non potest constat" and reinforcing his tiny ego with statements like "Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur!" Even though his teachers and those who knew him "back in the day" felt strongly that exemplum de simia, quae, quando plus ascendit, plus apparent posteriora eius, we kept after him, plying him to better himself by posting placards of encouragement, such a "Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinis alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!"

But we failed, and now he lives in San Diego where the motto seems to be "Da mihi sis bubulae frustrum assae, solana tuberosa in modo Gallico fricta, ac quassum lactatum coagulatum crassum."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 09:11 PM

That last one is "Rome has spoken; the lawsuit is over."


Like I said....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 08:15 PM

Oh, for heaven's sake! ;-) Just how gullible do you think I am? Well?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 07:59 PM

Rapaire, who struggles manfully with erudition as it is not his native language, wishes to say, approximately, "In ancient times, newborns were put to death that way." and "Your back opening!" Unfortunately his Latin does not say these things. I had to read his mind to find out what he thought he was trying to say.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 07:17 PM

Roma locuta est. Causa finita est


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 07:15 PM

LH -- braccae tuae aperiuntur.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 06:49 PM

Awww....Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Marvelous!!! Amos and Rapaire, thank you for the wonderful doggerel you have churned out on my behalf. Indeed, that poem by Amos, "The Rising of Little Hawk", is simply incredible! I have printed it out, laminated it, and put it on my wall. I may elect to even have it engraved on my memorial some day. Wonderful, just wonderful.

Since I was up so bright and early...well, early anyway...I siezed the moment and got a whole bunch of extra work done today. I am now basking in the contentment of a job well done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 06:41 PM

Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 06:16 PM

Amos, if you're up at 5 Little Hawk isn't impressed because your 5 is his 8 o'clock. He doesn't see that as a big deal, getting up at 8 o'clock.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 06:05 PM

Little Hawk, O Little Hawk! Your lonely sleep is done!
Winona's knocking at your door, the prize you sought is won!
The bed is near, the belle is here, you should be out rejoicing
And follow eyes the beauteous keel that looks so trim and daring!

But O snore! Snore! Snore!         
      O sleeping, droopy head!        
       For on the bed the L'il Hawk lies,        
          Sleeping like he's dead.


                  -- Ulrich Guttermouth, Songs From Mommy's Knee
                     (Bedford-Stuyvesant Press, 1783).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 12:13 PM

The Rising of Little Hawk



The morning dullards gathered there
At the coffee bar in the village square.
ANd what it was informed their talk
Was the getting up of Little Hawk.

The early crowd had left by eight,
To work, and no more time to wait;
The useless laggards came in then,
And sat around until half-ten.

And still their conversation stock,
Was the getting up of Little Hawk,
"How does he do it?", wondered one;
"I cannot sleep much past the sun.

The light annoys my sleeping brain,
And sets my daily rites in train."
Another swore he knew for certain
That Little Hawk used black-out curtains;

While one did swear he worked all night
Playing the E-Bay Auction site
And for advantages by morning
Worked while other folks were snoring.

But while the guesses were all fun,
Most of them wandered off by one.
The lunch crowd then, they wandered through
And dallied there 'til ten past two;

And still their buzz and earnest talk
Was all about yon Little Hawk.
And later, some asked while they supped,
"When is the bastard getting up??"

And while the idlers chatted long,
Little Hawk just slept on and on.
His head was full of colored dreams,
ANd metaphysic profit schemes,

Of dachsunds and erotica,
And Dylan on harmonica,
Of songs and history's mighty stories
Of guns and swords and battle's glories.

ANd while the people ate and talked,
He slept and slept around the clock.
When finally breakfast came around,
The word was out, and spread around.

He'd risen up!! He was alive!!
His lights came on at half-past five!!
Amd all discussed, with awe and shock,
The getting up of Little Hawk.

Tony Paisano Tenore
"When Little Hawk Gets Up"
Crude Songs My Father Taught Me
Family Endeavours Publications, Queens, 1959


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 11:08 AM

What a layabed thou art! Sluggard! Ne'er-do-well!! Twelve-o'clock-scholar!

I am up at 5 almost every morning.

I am the embodiment of Pure Virtue, on this basis alone.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Dec 08 - 10:47 AM

Not so! I woke up at 5:30 AM and could not get back to sleep, so I got up. This rarely happens. I have no idea why it happened today, but there you are...or rather, here I am. ;-)


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