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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 04 Jul 08 - 03:30 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jul 08 - 03:25 PM
Amos 04 Jul 08 - 03:07 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 08 - 02:38 PM
Amos 04 Jul 08 - 02:32 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 08 - 01:43 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jul 08 - 01:35 PM
Acme 04 Jul 08 - 01:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jul 08 - 12:18 AM
Amos 03 Jul 08 - 11:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Jul 08 - 09:54 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 08 - 09:23 PM
frogprince 03 Jul 08 - 09:20 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 08 - 02:04 PM
Little Hawk 03 Jul 08 - 12:39 PM
Amos 03 Jul 08 - 11:14 AM
Amos 03 Jul 08 - 10:01 AM
Rapparee 03 Jul 08 - 08:40 AM
Amos 03 Jul 08 - 04:24 AM
Acme 03 Jul 08 - 12:58 AM
Amos 03 Jul 08 - 12:27 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jul 08 - 11:49 PM
Amos 02 Jul 08 - 10:55 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 09:37 PM
Amos 02 Jul 08 - 07:38 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 06:46 PM
Amos 02 Jul 08 - 04:42 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 04:31 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jul 08 - 02:12 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 01:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jul 08 - 12:21 PM
Amos 02 Jul 08 - 12:16 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 11:53 AM
Amos 02 Jul 08 - 10:42 AM
Acme 02 Jul 08 - 09:42 AM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 09:10 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Jul 08 - 11:43 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 11:09 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 08 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 08 - 10:47 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 10:23 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 08 - 07:25 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 07:21 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 08 - 07:16 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 07:12 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 08 - 06:19 PM
Amos 01 Jul 08 - 06:14 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 08 - 05:32 PM
Acme 01 Jul 08 - 05:31 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 03:30 PM

Well, I dunno, LH. You're being kind of heartless. Take the ong view. Where will tomorrow's children be without MOAB? When they are adults, will they be sobersides without grace, deprived of humour? Will they be un-poets only able to parse direct propositions bounded by reality as she is practiced? Come come--MOAB needs progeny for the sake of the future of humanity, Man!!! And as one of the few disseminators not already attached by vows of marital fidelity, it falls, my friend, on you to do something about this!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 03:25 PM

Just thought I'd create a momentary interruption in your little coffee klatch here. ;-D I do so enjoy doing that now and then. Besides, I worry that without the injection of some non-familial genes from outside the circle now and then this thread could become downright incestuous. If so, it might produce inbred progeny, and we wouldn't want that to happen, would we?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 03:07 PM

In May, when sea-winds pierced our solitudes,
I found the fresh Rhodora in the woods ,
Spreading its leafless blooms in a damp nook,
To please the desert and the sluggish brook.
The purple petals , fallen in the pool ,
Made the black water with their beauty gay;
Here might the red-bird come his plumes to cool,
And court the flower that cheapens his array.

Rhodora ! if the sages ask thee why
This charm is wasted on the earth and sky,
Tell them, dear, that if eyes were made for seeing,
Then Beauty is its own excuse for being :
Why thou wert there, O rival of the rose!
I never thought to ask , I never knew:
But, in my simple ignorance , suppose
The self-same Power that brought me there brought you.

Ralph Waldo Emerson


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 02:38 PM

Oh MOAB! If the scholars ask thee why
This treasure is wasted on earth and sky
Tell them, dear, that if eyes were made for seeing
Then BS is its own excuse for being!
Oh, why thou were, oh essence for the nose
I never sought to ask, I only knew
That the self-same power that brought me here brought pee-uu!

          --Ames Goode-Inbowl, Songs Of Lost Innocence
            (Stone, Idaho: 1843).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 02:32 PM

Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere!!! WHy does BS have to be "about" something or "going" somewhere???

Can't you tolerate it just being?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 01:43 PM

Same place as always. Where'd you think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 01:35 PM

Is this going somewhere?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 01:20 PM

That only works because her upper plate was repaired recently.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 12:18 AM

The scone implants will fit right in with the pierced croissant and the tattoo on her tea biscuit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 11:58 PM

IMplanted scones? On a Mom???

Whatever is this thread coming to?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 09:54 PM

Yeah, Mom's scones are lookin' pretty good since she got those implants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 09:23 PM

No, but you can have a freshly (or, as I almost typed, fleshry) cooked scone with honey butter and chat with her as she rocks on the porch, enjoying her scones and gin and tonic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 09:20 PM

Dang; I saw "The New Mother" in a thread title, and read it in my mind as "The New Mother of all BS threads" for a second there. I was gonna drop in and say "New Mother? New Mother? Can i watch her pop a boobie out to feed the baby?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 02:04 PM

No, just high-tech businesses with high-paying jobs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 12:39 PM

El Cajon is located just a few miles from Los Cojones, is it not?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 11:14 AM

"EL CAJON ? Iraq's government is considering San Diego as a possible site for a consulate that would serve thousands of Iraqi-Americans in California, Iraq's top diplomat to the United States said yesterday in El Cajon.


Iraqi Ambassador Samir Sumaidaie said San Francisco and Los Angeles are also in the running and that he will make his recommendation after he returns to Washington, D.C. He met with more than 250 Iraqi-Americans at the Ronald Reagan Community Center in El Cajon, where he discussed the situation in Iraq and fielded questions in Arabic and English."

Ha!! You notice there aren't any Brave New World Ambassadors flocking to POcatello, don't you??? Well??? Ha.

\'COurse the locals kinda grin about it being out in El Cajon, an arid sub-city to the east of SD proper. But, hey, when you're from 20,000 miles away, you can be expected not to get the small stuff right...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 10:01 AM

Try not putting your leg into n-dimensional space all the time, Rapaire. It just encourages him. Really. He probably thinks it's a pork-flavored rabbit or something. Or maybe a lemon-ice.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 08:40 AM

I tried that and just now finished. I ran so fast the nail melted, which ignited the floorboards, and I now have a circular hole about 2 meters across burnt into my floor.

Still didn't prove or disprove anything. And Gluon is humping my leg.

Again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 04:24 AM

Now, that evokes a really silly picture....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 12:58 AM

Wouldn't need brakes if you nailed one foot to the floor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 12:27 AM

YEah. But you'd better get your brakes checked before you start out....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 11:49 PM

If you could run around in a circle fast enough, you'd be able to see your own back. I bet Gluon can do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 10:55 PM

I'll do it after I see the grant money, sir.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 09:37 PM

They didn't bleed or do anything like Bee-Dubya said they would if they actually had backs.

I'll bet you wouldn't either. Try it and let me know, okay? This is Scientific Research with a capital SR and will solve the age-old problem of whether or not we really have something behind us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 07:38 PM

I suppose it is too late for them. Did they have organ donation plan cards in their wallets? I bet you forgot to check, you careless fellow.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 06:46 PM

But what about the 23 other people?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 04:42 PM

Ask your doctor to revise the pain medications. The ones he has you on are not doing you good. Did you go to the vet by mistake, perchance?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 04:31 PM

Okay, I did that. Nothing happened, so I did it to a bunch of other people. Nothing happened each time.

Obviously we only exist in front.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 02:12 PM

The 5.5" K-Bar should be fine. If you think you need anything bigger than that you're probably looking in one of those funhouse mirrors that stretches and magnifies stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 01:05 PM

The K-Bar in my desk drawer has only a 5.5 inch blade. Is that long enough or should I go buy the larger one?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:21 PM

If you think the mirror's lying and telling you there's some part of yourself there that really isn't, just perform this little experiment:

Hold what appears to be the part in question with your left hand. Using your right hand, hack at the questionable part with a K-bar knife. If the part comes off and you begin to bleed profusely, the mirror was telling the truth, more or less. It still may have been lying about the exact appearance of the part, but that will be of little consequence since you'll soon be losing consciousness due to blood loss.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 12:16 PM

THere was a sage from Idaho
And he desired much to know
If while he watched his front side so,
Was anything behind him?

The answer, said he, I have found.
I'll turn me 'round!
So he turned him 'round.
And 'round and 'round and 'round and 'round;
But he could not see behind him.

"This puzzle I must not let stand!!"
Cried out this most perplex-ed man.
SO he grabbed his ass with both his hands,
Believing it behind him.

But as he stood, supremely smug,
His confidence perceived a bug!
"Perhaps my fingers lie!" The mug
Still yearned to see behind him!

And 'round he turned and bent and whirled
Torquing about like a prancing girl,
WIshing he could, for all the world,
Contrive to see behind him.

Unbalanced, by his massive gut,
He fell, at last, upon his butt,
Which sorely pained him badly, but
At least it was behind him.

Then standing up, all wracked in pain,
A new thought crept into his brain.
"There's proof!!" he cried, at peace again,
Knowing his butt behind him.

Mann de la Scivious-Leer
Grumpy Ribaldry from Sad Bodies
OFf-Color Press, Bangkok, 1989


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 11:53 AM

Well, as of yesterday morning I AM shy 50 ml. of blood, but the rest of me seems to be present. Or was when I showered this morning.

But that brings up a question: Is there any evidence there is more to you than what you see in front? Mirrors can be fooled, as everyone knows, as people lie. So how do you know??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 10:42 AM

Rapaire:

Your jejeune and slanderous fulminations are without merit, sir; you are a biddy, in a whirl of small businesses and void of substance.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 09:42 AM

If Amos went rough the bend Rapaire was certainly a party to it. I distinctly heard him tell Amos to use a pully, and THEN the planet snapped.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 09:10 AM

Imponderables, Bee-Dubya, are like Amos: you don't want to think about it too much or you'll go completely over the edge and fall off. Poor old Amos did that a while back while thinking about where to put the fulcrum for the lever that was needed to move the Earth; he got confused by the different types of levers he could use and the fulcrum placement for each and well, his tiny little mind snapped. It was a sound similar to a G-string breaking (either kind). Since then it's been fixed, only he's not wound around the peg too tightly, if you take my meaning....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 11:43 PM

Hi, Mom! I have a question about the word "imponderable". If something is imponderable, how do you know it's imponderable unless you ponder upon it? And if you ponder upon it, then it's not really imponderable, is it? Ponder on that for a while and get back to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 11:09 PM

Even if youre feelin' scratchy
ANd you do the wicky-wahtchee
It won't chase a thing,
'Cuz this is what we sing:

Yes! We have no Apache
No Apache in Old Idaho!
Yes! We have no APache!
We just don't have any, you know!

We've Shoshone....baloneyQ, they're too hard to shoot!
We got Bannock, Nex Perc?, Blackfeet and Paiute! But

Yes! We have no Apache!

We have no Apache, you know!

(Cowboy Bookman dances sideways off stage left, waving his big white felt Stetson and shaking his spurs and bandanna in time. His horse dances alongside on its rear legs, grinning and tapping its hooves in rhythm. Music fades, lights fade, curtain comes down, alleged crowd goes wild.))


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 11:02 PM

Oooh!! Somebody googled! Somebody gogled!! LOL!

I think that particular expression is common to all three of those.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 10:48 PM

Besides, are you talking White Mountain, Jicarilla, Chiricaua or what??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 10:47 PM

Ain't no Apaches around here. Ute, Paiute, Shoshone, Bannock, Nez Perce, Blackfeet and a bunch of others, but no Apache.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 10:23 PM

I would not expect a Bookmeister from IDaho to know how to spell the APache dialect.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 07:25 PM

No, that was "Whomp 'em! Whomp 'em! Whomp 'em!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 07:21 PM

And as the sun slowly set in the West, the plains shuddered to the sound of the steady rhythm: "Wampum..wampum..wampum.."...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 07:16 PM

Out on the rez they dance to teepeed tunes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 07:12 PM

I feel like I am watching Sesame Street, where the inane from reality meet the insane from fiction and they all dance to tepid tunes.

And a VUN and a TWO.....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 06:19 PM

Shane is planning to eliminate Rapaire permanently when he gets out of jail, Amos. Maybe you should forward a contribution toward his bail. Send it to Don McBride in Blind River.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 06:14 PM

Well the surfing did not in any way inspire me to pee myself, so it is just as well your perfervid imagination, into which I shall not further enquire, was duly bridled in this case.

And to be completely, excessively frank, even the vision of a rabid Beaver ploting ultimate revenge on my naked soul does not perturb my bladder, or my urinary sphincter, in the least.

Now, Rapaire, with his mega-arsenal and his dedication to the fine art of human slaughter disguised as mild-mannered bibliophilia---that scares me some. But I won't let it lead me to peeing until I am among his treasured stacks.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 05:32 PM

Nothing like a little humour for Canada Day, eh? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Jul 08 - 05:31 PM

Funny, I wouldn't have thought this would make you pee yourself. I actually edited my remarks the other day about your kayak surfing trip--THAT'S when I could see you peeing on yourself and I initially wrote about it. But decided I didn't want to embarrass you. :)

In 1958 I was three for most of the year, then turned four.


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