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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 31 May 08 - 02:03 PM
Acme 31 May 08 - 01:55 PM
Little Hawk 31 May 08 - 01:53 PM
Amos 31 May 08 - 01:17 PM
Amos 31 May 08 - 11:51 AM
Acme 31 May 08 - 11:51 AM
Amos 30 May 08 - 11:12 PM
Acme 30 May 08 - 11:08 PM
Amos 30 May 08 - 09:59 PM
Little Hawk 30 May 08 - 05:15 PM
Amos 30 May 08 - 04:33 PM
Little Hawk 30 May 08 - 04:28 PM
Amos 30 May 08 - 03:56 PM
Acme 30 May 08 - 02:58 PM
Amos 30 May 08 - 02:01 PM
Little Hawk 30 May 08 - 12:19 PM
Amos 30 May 08 - 11:59 AM
Little Hawk 30 May 08 - 11:56 AM
Amos 30 May 08 - 09:47 AM
Amos 30 May 08 - 04:34 AM
Acme 30 May 08 - 02:35 AM
Little Hawk 29 May 08 - 11:52 PM
Amos 29 May 08 - 11:30 PM
Little Hawk 29 May 08 - 11:23 PM
Amos 29 May 08 - 11:22 PM
Little Hawk 29 May 08 - 11:10 PM
Amos 29 May 08 - 10:44 PM
Little Hawk 29 May 08 - 03:45 PM
Amos 29 May 08 - 03:40 PM
Amos 28 May 08 - 11:48 PM
Acme 28 May 08 - 10:46 PM
Little Hawk 28 May 08 - 10:35 PM
Amos 28 May 08 - 08:47 PM
Amos 28 May 08 - 08:31 PM
Rustic Rebel 28 May 08 - 07:29 PM
Rustic Rebel 28 May 08 - 07:19 PM
Little Hawk 28 May 08 - 06:42 PM
Amos 28 May 08 - 06:34 PM
Little Hawk 28 May 08 - 12:48 PM
Amos 28 May 08 - 12:45 PM
Little Hawk 28 May 08 - 12:14 PM
Amos 28 May 08 - 11:47 AM
Amos 28 May 08 - 11:46 AM
Little Hawk 28 May 08 - 11:13 AM
MMario 28 May 08 - 11:11 AM
Amos 28 May 08 - 11:07 AM
Little Hawk 28 May 08 - 10:38 AM
MMario 28 May 08 - 10:38 AM
Acme 28 May 08 - 10:28 AM
Amos 28 May 08 - 08:29 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 May 08 - 02:03 PM

Say, I just discovered the Walkaboutsverse thread. Geez. How could I have missed it all this time? Looks like fun. A worthy successor to McGonagall has finally come forward after all these years.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 May 08 - 01:55 PM

Just make sure the rug looks really really natural.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 May 08 - 01:53 PM

No, no, his charm is a scintillating as ever...it's just more in the realm of harmless flirtation now, that's all. He is far less likely to pull a fast move in the transporter room than he used to be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 May 08 - 01:17 PM

Ah, thank you for the clarification. She is always welcome in any case.

Besides, S. is now so old and overweight he has nothing to recommend him, his moves are slow and his charm corroded.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 May 08 - 11:51 AM

It has been almost exactly 5 years.

Five years, and 23,775 posts, or 4,755 post per year.

And NOT ONCE in all this time have her brave sons, daughters, and mentally deficient house-guests allowed this thread toslip below the front page.

NOT ONCE!!!

THIS is a record with fighting for.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 May 08 - 11:51 AM

You mistake how things would work--she is bait to attract him, but as is typical with bait there's a sharp painful hook that I'm sure he would avoid. She already has a boyfriend and as a rule doesn't suffer fools gladly. She gets this from her mother. I said "zaftig," not "bimbo." :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 08 - 11:12 PM

Ah, Stilly, it is a great sorrow to me to hear you say that. There was a day, when I was in my prime, when no mother for fifty miles around would make such an invitation!! :D

But tempus fugits, as they say. Sure, Moonglow is very welcome, if we ever get a date from Mister H's "hot" line to Mr. S... We can put her up and promise not to let ole Shatner get his hands on her...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 May 08 - 11:08 PM

You could invite my zaftig 19-year-old daughter Moonglow to join you. She knows who Shatner is, if that would help.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 08 - 09:59 PM

On the Internet you never know, LH. I know I talk like an old fogey but I might just be a fast learner 20-something nubile female.

If not, I think I might like to try that on next lifetime...just to poke fun at certain charmers... :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 08 - 05:15 PM

Oh, well, my influence with Mr Shatner is not to be sneezed at, Amos, but he's very, very busy right now. It's just a matter of his available time, that's all.

It is a pity, though, that you're not a nubile 20 or 30 something female with a dynamite face and figure...

That would definitely help expedite things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 08 - 04:33 PM

Ya know, LH, not to be ungrateful or anything, but you DID give me the impression you had much more influence with the alleged Shatner than you are presently demonstrating.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 08 - 04:28 PM

You're on the right track, Amos. Now I just have to make Mr Shatner think its his idea. I am busy planting various seeds to achieve that very effect, but it may take some time before they germinate. The subtle approach...slow but steady wins the race. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 08 - 03:56 PM

More important, does she want to? Mom knows much that she sayeth not; therein lies partof her endless capacity as the font of all BS.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 May 08 - 02:58 PM

It's 2pm. Do you know where your kid Rapaire is?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 08 - 02:01 PM

Oh, I DO hope you pull it off. I have a list of about twenty people I want to put down, impress, condescend to, and act superior towards, whom I intend to invite to meet The Invisible Man hinmself.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 08 - 12:19 PM

"Ya gotta grab your sanctimony wherever you can get it. It is hard to feel smug anymore in this world."

LOL!!!!!!

Too true. Well, on that thought I think I shall head out, make a bank deposit, and get lunch.

Hey, man, I am still working on the Shatner visit. He seems to be all booked up right now, maybe for the next month or so, but I will keep persevering with this tenaciously until we see light at the end of the tunnel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 08 - 11:59 AM

Well, you know how it is in this life, LH--ya gotta grab your sanctimony wherever yuou can get it. It is hard to feel smug anymore in this world. :)

Glad you survived all that stoning in grade school. Me, too.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 May 08 - 11:56 AM

LOL!!!

Well, look, I've always known very well not to jump off the roof. I'm naturally cautious. When I was a youngster I was amazed at the idiotic things other kids (specially boys) would do...just on a dare...or to see what would happen.

I could always reason out exactly what would happen without needing to do it. And accordingly I would not do things like jump off the roof, throw apples at the hornet nest, etc...

I was the most non-reckless kid I ever knew. I got no sense of excitement or challenge from risking my neck by taking dares and doing things that were likely to get me in deep shit.

This, of course, got me a reputation as "a brain" and "a nerd". Those can be tough crosses to bear in the school age years, but I survived it somehow.

Maybe I embody a slightly different form of Protestant guilt than the one you were alluding to? I know that as a child I always wanted very much to do "the right thing" and to obey "the rules", etc...is that a form of Protestant guilt? I mean, heck, the other boys were running around taking joy in breaking the rules and not doing what they were supposed to do. I thought they were idiots. They thought I was a nerd. So it goes.

Now I am the social radical with the radical ideas, the guy who questions everything, and most of them are the conventional people who sit in front of their TV every night and question little or nothing about the status quo around them.

Ironical, isn't it? ;-) Their revolution was all over by the time they were 25. Mine was just getting started.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 08 - 09:47 AM

LH:

On reflection, Protestant guilt is a very valuable concept.

If everyone just did whatever they wanted to or felt like, where would we be? Answer me that! If everybody jumped off the roof, would you think it was a good idea? Huh? It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, you know. Better safe than sorry. If you don't look before you leap you'll never save nine.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 May 08 - 04:34 AM

LH,

Cool man. Do your things.


SS:

Well done! We should write a tune for his character called Doing the Burlap Rag or something.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 May 08 - 02:35 AM

The son's burlap cape is finished. Yes, you read correctly, burlap. He insisted, as did his sister. I lined it with something soft and put a collar inside to help with the itch. It's to do with an Anime character for a convention this weekend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 May 08 - 11:52 PM

"Have you no sense of Protestant guilt?"

Ha! None whatsoever. I spit on that foolish concept.

Duty? Duty to what? Duty to whom? I am a free being. I am not tied to some form of "duty".

I come here to talk because it provides me with some outlet for self-expression. Period. I might just as well be sitting at the local coffee shop and talking with some people there, and I probably would be if not for the existence of the Internet and the fact that I have a computer. It's a lot easier and less trouble and less expence (at the moment) than it would be going out to the coffee shop, and there are more people to talk to here, and it's easier to find someone who wants to talk back.

I'm socializing, Amos, I am not saving the world. I am not being anything for anyone. Not any more. Like Bob Dylan in '65, I have decided that saving the world is not my bag. It's not something I can realistically see myself doing.

I simply am as I am. That's good enough. It's all I would ask of anyone else. "Just be who you are, that's good enough for me."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 May 08 - 11:30 PM

Well, there you have it. "I don't feeeel like it!!!"

Does the concept of duty mean nothing? Of striving for a better world? Have you no sense of Protestant guilt? Snap out of it, man!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 May 08 - 11:23 PM

But, Amos, I simply do not wish to do that very much at present. I could, but I have no real desire to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 May 08 - 11:22 PM

Well, then, you should be writing the deathless doggerel that tolls the minutes until 24K!!!




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 May 08 - 11:10 PM

Yeah. ;-) You have a more busy and structured life than I do, that's for sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 May 08 - 10:44 PM

Well it's like this. I get up at 515, make some breakfast for the bride, drive to work and stay there until around 2 or 3. Then I come home, do errands, and catch up with you and the rest of this gang. I also get some writing done if I am lucky or record something or just noodle on the guitar some. I get to bed by nine, but if I cannot sleep I get back up and come back here to give you a hard time.

All in a day's work. It's light duty without ole Rapaire to badger, I tell ya.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 May 08 - 03:45 PM

How you get the time to do the other stuff in your life, Amos, I cannot understand.

Good poetry, though. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 May 08 - 03:40 PM

PART IV

DOwn past the seven-fifty mark!
THeir steely hooves were flying!
And the flying mounts with rolling eyes,
Grabbed air like they were dying.

But they never faltered, slowed or shied,
THey could not slow or stay;
For the crops came down and the heels dug in,
For the 24 of K.

There are men who love theor horses well,
Who think them fine and fair
But they'll drive a stallion half to hell
When a prize is in the air;

And there are lasses who will swoon,
To stroke a gentle flank
Who screamed for blood, for the thundering feet
Were money in the bank.

ANd the horses' blood, and the horses' foam
Scattered wide in the summery air
And the sweat of the battle ran like blood
Through the fine and windblown hair.

And the thud of the endless pounding hoofs
And the cannon roars of the crowd
And the dust in the wind, and the summer sun,
Were hot, and long and loud.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 11:48 PM

We'll worry about the photographer when we get through to the seventy-'leventh gatekeeper and moat-guarder...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 May 08 - 10:46 PM

Send a photographer. I won't believe this unless I see photos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 08 - 10:35 PM

I did that quiz, Rustic. I answered "d" on almost every question. This is why I'm on the inside track with William Shatner.

Well, I was unable to reach him tonight, but I did talk to Rhonda. She says he's in the recording studio again. That means there's gonna be another record!!!! AWRIGHT!

I'll try again tomorrow.

If necessary I will send Chongo on a mission to Hollywoood to find him and deliver my message. Shatner would never refuse to read a message delivered by a talking chimp. Well, unless the chimp was George Bush. Then maybe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 08:47 PM

'Minds me of a time when I did the opposite of being polite to a butterball. I messed around with Slim. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, the two of us took to fightin'
AN' it didn't last too long,
Ole Slim ended up like a Tiffany vase
With half of its pieces gone.
Then he told me he was sorry,
He hadn't meant no harm,
ANd he handed me half of his whole life's savings
And the rest of Superman's arm!

Ya don't sleep at the switch at night
You don't work at gettin' famous
You don't tweak the whiskers on ole Denzel Washington
An' you don't mess around with Amos...

Oh no, no, no


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 08:31 PM

Ah, Rustic, you are all the Angel we need around here.

We are the angels we've been waiting for...somebody said that.

Even sans culottes.


Nice to see ya back in these parts.

You know anything about this butterball Little Hawk is pawning off on me?

He is going to owe me big time. I am only having him in to impress the locals, but I seriously doubt LH has the pull to make it happen. He prolly has sixty-leven layers of guards and secretaries who are absolute experts in saying "I'm sorry, Mister Shatner is in a meeting. Can he get back to you next lifetime?"


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 28 May 08 - 07:29 PM

Back again to tell you my one sure answer to the 'Can you stalk Shatner' quiz;

9. When Captain Kirk died in "Star Trek; Generations," I:

a. Saw it as the passing of a torch.
b. Understood it was the kind of death he'd have wanted.
c. Had some sort of seizure.
d. Spent the next 48 consecutive hours covering the walls and ceiling of my room at the YMCA with a giant collage using images of Paramount executives, war atrocities, industrial accidents and meat packing plants, then lay naked on the floor in the fetal position until an Angel of the Lord came and gave me my mission.


Is a for sure 'd.' I love to lay naked in the fetal position and wait on an angel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 28 May 08 - 07:19 PM

Hello all! Breezing in and finding your all still happy and faithfully bullshittin'.
Here's a Shatner quiz (dig the web site- ape culture. Must be a LH thing. http://www.apeculture.com/games/shatner.htm
Little Hawk I can help you out with an address-
http://www.movieeye.com/celebrity_addresses/details/12292/William_Shatner.html
So enjoy that grilled dinner of weiners and tater tots or whatever your serving Amos! I'd throw in some of that cheap wine while your at it.

Man oh man, they're still talking Shatner on this thread.....oh my goddess.........


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 08 - 06:42 PM

I am ON this, man! Hang on. It may take some time to get past all the handlers and staff and security personnel, but I am ON it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 06:34 PM

Great, great. Go ahead and get in touch with his office or his girlfriend or his gardner or whoever it is you use, and float the idea. Be sure and tell him what a local hero and celebrity I am, so he can feel he will be among those who understand him. It is not easy being one of the 100 most famous in any universe, so we will have something in common.


LOL!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 08 - 12:48 PM

Fantastic!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 12:45 PM

As soon as I get an actual confirmation fromt he man himself, you may consider it done, LH. Our local Home Dept has a large selection. If he can arrange to arrive a biot early, he can help me pick it out -- how's that for a damn thrill??


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 08 - 12:14 PM

I'm glad to see you're taking a positive attitude to this, Amos. Go to your local giant hardware store and get their very best barbecue with all the bells and whistles. Bill will be tickled pink when he sees it, because he LOVES to barbecue, and he will INSIST on doing the steaks and taters whilst you sit with your feet up and a cool drink in your hand, and he will regale you with useful and entertaining chitchat all the while. I guarantee an unforgettable afternoon, the memories of which you will cherish for years afterward.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 11:47 AM

And now, a weather report...from the Arctic region of northern Mars:

"Researchers also released the first weather report from the landing site, provided by a Canadian meteorology station mounted on the Lander's mast. Temperatures ranged from a low of -80° Celsius in the early morning to high of -30° C in the afternoon. That's warmer than it will be come August, when the sun sets below the landing site at the planet's arctic circle.

The average pressure was 8.55 millibars, less than 1 percent the pressure at sea level on Earth. The wind is blowing from the northeast at about 20 kilometers per hour with little dust obliterating the view. Future reports will include measurements of humidity and visibility as more weather instruments are switched on."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


For some reason I am imagining a dusky summer evening in, say, Indiana or Missouri, with a few folks--Jared and his wife Mae, and their son Jared, Junior who is called "Bud" -- sitting out in rockers or porch swings enjoying the cool after dinner and recognizing the planet Mars by its reddish glint, hanging over the horizon among the distant stars. It is late June, say, in the year 1938. Mae is knitting, and speaks in a sort of dreamy tone.

"I wonder what the weather is like on Mars, Jared."

"Dang foolish idea, Maw. How's anyone ever gonna know thet?"

"But Dad!! Someday, we could go to Mars, maybe by a rocket or somethin'. Then we'd know!!!"

"You best tend to your books, sprat, an' git them dang tomfool idees outta yer head, iffen you want to 'mount to anything in this world. Weather reports from Mars? Ree-dicklous!! I cain't even get a straight answer from the damn raddio about weather right here in Teller County!!!"

"Awww, pa. But could happen....someday!!"

"An' hell could frizz over, too, young man. Ain't worth bettin' on, though!! You keep a sensible head on your shoulders, now, an' leave all that daydreamin' to others who don't mind wastin' their time..."

"Awww. Kin I have some more lemonade?"

(Camera pans the sky and zeros in on the red-glinting dot of far-off Mars, hanging over the horizon....).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 11:46 AM

Well, we don't at the moment, but for such a renowned butterball, we would be glad to go out and get one.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 08 - 11:13 AM

That would be okay, Amos...but he really likes thick steaks and baked potatoes the best. You have a barbecue, I assume?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 May 08 - 11:11 AM

speaking of cheap red wine - Can you still get the gallon jugs of Gallo dry Parma Red wine in California? I haven't found anyplace that carries it here in the east in a long, long, long time - and every once in a while I get a craving for it


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 11:07 AM

I would be delighted, LIttle Hawk. Please let me know a date that would be convenient for Mr S, and I will set an extra place at dinner. How does spaghetti and cheap red wine sound?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 May 08 - 10:38 AM

Amos, you live in California, right? Well, so does William Shatner, when he's not at his other house in Tennessee. What I am thinking is that you need the guidance of a more experienced and mature soul to straighten you out, calm you down, and get you to set reasonable priorities. If you like, I can speak to Mr Shatner and arrange a personal meeting for you and him at which he can give you the benefit of some sage advice. A kindly word or two to set you on the right path in life and improve your ability to relate to others. I think it would work wonders, I really do.

Just say the word.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 May 08 - 10:38 AM

I'm hoping it will at least slow down the woodchucks. I think our yard is a local convention center for the Brothers of St. Philip of Puxatawney, and their Sister Order - the Little Brown Sisters Of Saint Mary Marmot Maternalistic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 May 08 - 10:28 AM

So Leo picked it up. It will look pretty out in the garden and the noise of its lopsided turning might scare off moles.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 May 08 - 08:29 AM

ANd so it goes....


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