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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 25 Feb 10 - 01:53 PM
Rapparee 25 Feb 10 - 03:55 PM
Little Hawk 25 Feb 10 - 04:22 PM
gnu 25 Feb 10 - 04:40 PM
Amos 25 Feb 10 - 04:44 PM
Little Hawk 25 Feb 10 - 04:52 PM
gnu 25 Feb 10 - 04:56 PM
Rapparee 25 Feb 10 - 09:14 PM
Amos 25 Feb 10 - 09:31 PM
Amos 25 Feb 10 - 11:49 PM
Acme 26 Feb 10 - 12:57 AM
Rapparee 26 Feb 10 - 09:29 AM
Amos 26 Feb 10 - 09:45 AM
Little Hawk 26 Feb 10 - 09:56 AM
Amos 26 Feb 10 - 11:21 AM
Amos 26 Feb 10 - 01:14 PM
gnu 26 Feb 10 - 02:02 PM
Rapparee 26 Feb 10 - 03:26 PM
Little Hawk 26 Feb 10 - 03:36 PM
Rapparee 26 Feb 10 - 07:34 PM
Amos 26 Feb 10 - 08:17 PM
Little Hawk 26 Feb 10 - 10:21 PM
Rapparee 26 Feb 10 - 10:32 PM
Little Hawk 26 Feb 10 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 27 Feb 10 - 12:29 AM
Janie 27 Feb 10 - 12:45 AM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 10 - 11:06 AM
Rapparee 27 Feb 10 - 11:11 AM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 10 - 11:13 AM
Acme 27 Feb 10 - 12:18 PM
Amos 27 Feb 10 - 02:17 PM
Rapparee 27 Feb 10 - 02:40 PM
Janie 27 Feb 10 - 03:19 PM
gnu 27 Feb 10 - 03:37 PM
Rapparee 27 Feb 10 - 05:57 PM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 10 - 06:42 PM
Rapparee 27 Feb 10 - 10:02 PM
Acme 27 Feb 10 - 10:31 PM
Amos 28 Feb 10 - 12:34 AM
Little Hawk 28 Feb 10 - 10:29 AM
Acme 28 Feb 10 - 04:54 PM
Rapparee 28 Feb 10 - 04:59 PM
Amos 28 Feb 10 - 06:07 PM
Little Hawk 28 Feb 10 - 08:27 PM
Rapparee 28 Feb 10 - 09:12 PM
Rapparee 28 Feb 10 - 09:13 PM
Little Hawk 28 Feb 10 - 09:14 PM
Rapparee 28 Feb 10 - 09:36 PM
Little Hawk 01 Mar 10 - 12:11 AM
Amos 01 Mar 10 - 12:32 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 01:53 PM

My post revealing Rapaire's unauthorized publication of ALexander Pope's work was eaten by the Mudcat Bogey, who is probably a Legionare working for Rapaire.

I also chose the volcano over Pope. Fire, always fire!! (Noun.)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 03:55 PM

"Unauthorized" my rosy red r****m! Al Pope himself gave me permission to post that! And Johnny D. gave me permission to do this, too:

All human things are subject to decay,
And when fate summons, monarchs must obey.
This Shatner found, who, like Augustus, young
Was called to empire, and had governed long;
In prose and verse, was owned, without dispute,
Through all the realms of Nonsense, absolute.
This aged prince, now flourishing in peace,
And blest with issue of a large increase,
Worn out with business, did at length debate
To settle the succession of the state;
And, pondering which of all his sons was fit
To reign, and wage immortal war with wit,
Cried: ''Tis resolved; for nature pleads, that he
Should only rule, who most resembles me.
Amos alone my perfect image bears,
Mature in dullness from his tender years:
Amos alone, of all my sons, is he
Who stands confirmed in full stupidity.
The rest to some faint meaning make pretence,
But Amos never deviates into sense.
Some beams of wit on other souls may fall,
Strike through, and make a lucid interval;
But Amos' genuine night admits no ray;
His rising fogs prevail upon the day.
Besides, his goodly fabric fills the eye,
And seems designed for thoughtless majesty;
Thoughtless as monarch oaks that shade the plain,
And, spread in solemn state, supinely reign.


Unauthorized! Humph!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 04:22 PM

OH, BRAVO!!!!!!!!! What noble verse! What splendid lines!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 04:40 PM

Indeed. I am taken. Aback!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 04:44 PM

Tawdry devices ne'er won clear mind, good fellows. And more than one rapscallion may a tinker of old pots be, or a lifter of old rhymes.

To The Memory Of Rapaire and Little Hawk


Farewell, too little and too lately known,
Whom Mom at one time thought her very own;
For sure our souls were near allied, and thine
Cast in the same poetic mould with mine.
One common note on either lyre did strike,
And knaves and fools you acted out alike.
To the same goal did all our postings drive;
The last set out the soonest did arrive.
Thus Khandu fell upon the slippery place,
While we young friends, performed and won the race.
O early tripe! to thy abundant store
What Mother e'er could have wished for more?
It might (what Nature never gives the young)
Have taught some sanity unto thy native tongue.
But BS needs not that, and wit will shine
Through the harsh cadence of a rugged line.
A noble error, and but seldom made,
When poets are by plagiarists betrayed.
Thy lifted fruits, though gathered ere their prime,
Showed simian quickness; and maturing time
But mellows what we write to the dull sweets of rhyme.
Once more, Rapaire and Little Hawk, farewell, thou young,
But ah too short, Marcellus of our tongue!
Thy brows with ivy and with laurels bound;
But fate and gloomy night encompass thee around.
Here do I leave thee fast, barred at bright honor's door--
And could not love thee well, loved I not honor more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 04:52 PM

Oh, my. Very impressive, Amos! I must inform Penelope at once...she likes this sort of heroic prose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 04:56 PM

Hear, hear. Tis a joust of poetic proportion indeed!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 09:14 PM

Yes. Epic proportions. Joust barely, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 09:31 PM

Thou harelip! Thou canst not speak for the lists.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 10 - 11:49 PM

Joust, a closer smack on thee,
Gawd Almighty, grant it please....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 12:57 AM

The donkey engine is still in the driveway. It has to go by Saturday, Rap. Make some arrangements, please. Maybe you could bury it under your back sundeck with the freezers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 09:29 AM

But, how is the donkey????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 09:45 AM

Define your terms, sir.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 09:56 AM

Mellifluousity. That's what we need more of.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 11:21 AM

A donkey engine, you land-lubber, has no donkey.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 01:14 PM

There is a man you'll hear about,
But maybe never see.
His holdings are in Idaho,
And his name is Rapparee.
And he carries all his money
In a diamond-studded scrote.
An' he was never known to care too much
'Bout claiming what others had wrote.

Wyzie Dattaway
Songs from the Slippery West
Boston, 1911


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 02:02 PM

'Ee was a Rappar 'ee was?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 03:26 PM

I am above all of your petty comments and jealousies. Jalousies and jalopies also, for that matter. You are all simply envious of my good looks, wit, intelligence and other stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 03:36 PM

As are you of my close connections with William Shatner and Winona Ryder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 07:34 PM

You realize, don't you, that Winona Ryder only exists because Bill Shatner had a "certain operation" a few years ago, don't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 08:17 PM

As I recall it was electro-convulsive therapy.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 10:21 PM

I don't know what you're talking about. Winona's existence is in no way dependent on the inestimable Mr Shatner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 10:32 PM

That, my good man, is because Winona Ryder used to be William Shatner. The person who currently passes for Mr. Shatner is a body double (or triple, or quadruple), hired to prevent the truth from becoming known.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 10 - 10:35 PM

Right......

And Woody Allen used to be Rosie O'Donnel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 12:29 AM

No, Woody Allen, pre-nose job, was Woody Woodpecker (a name given to him for a certain physical characteristic reminiscent of Pinocchio pre-realboyhood).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 12:45 AM

Shatner, smatner.

Sum Yung Sun and I have discovered the Stargate series and are rushing to get through 6 or 7 seasons of SG-1 before they are deleted by Hulu.

Winona is a wimp and not worthy to be called "woman."

Real women have hips, tits, stretchmarks and cellulite!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 11:06 AM

This means war, Janie. I do not permit people to say things like that about Winona!

Regarding her supposed lack of breasts...

Winona on the movie set...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 11:11 AM

Regarding her supposed lack of breasts...

Don't you mean "his"??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 11:13 AM

I can't see enough of that guy in the picture to be able to offer any opinion on his breasts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 12:18 PM

Moonglow was looking good last night, and the costumes she designed for the play worked well.

Rap, I sent your donkey engine to a logging museum on an old skid road in the western Cascades. They were thrilled to have it. Now my driveway looks less like something the insurance company will condemn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 02:17 PM

Goodbye, Calamity Jane!! Go drip your odiferous diesel drops on someone else's driveway!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 02:40 PM

Farewell Rosey, my little donkey, who trudged on the wheel of the donkey engine! Fare thee well in the big cruel world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 03:19 PM

Push-up bras don't count!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 03:37 PM

LH... that's kinda scarey.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 05:57 PM

LH, face it: Winona (as he's now called) was originally The Shatner. A few hormones, a surgeon with a scalpel or jackknife...and there you have it.

If you don't believe me, why have you never seen them together??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 06:42 PM

Boy...(shaking head)...you are a sad case, Rapaire. Sad. It stirs pity in my compassionate breast when I am confronted with your bizarre ravings and delusions.

gnu - I agree that it's a bit scary, that picture. I like this one much better:

Such a sweetie!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 10:02 PM

You act as if BS's decision was my fault. I only know these things because there is very, very little hidden from The Librarians.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Feb 10 - 10:31 PM

LH, I don't think boobs were ever in doubt. This one comes from a site called Boobs are great. I wonder if Amos is on the board of directors here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 12:34 AM

No, I am not; while I agree with the sentiment in general, I founded the Temple with a commitment to transcend the ordinary barriers to mystic contemplation, not the scurrilous flesh-mongering of the Internet.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 10:29 AM

You're quite right, Stilly, they were never in doubt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 04:54 PM

Sorry I haven't been in to give you a boost till now, MOM. It's almost spring like so I've been doing a little work around the house and yard. You can open the front door and leave the screen door locked and if you'll also open that window on the upstairs landing it will improve the indoor air quality immeasureably. It was a mistake to cook all of that chile for the guys before we could ventilate the house better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 04:59 PM

Ah, Mother, it is 39F outside right now, a blue sky and white clouds. And Mom -- a week from today I'll be in Albequerque, cruising New Mexico, looking for Henry McCarty, Elfuego Baca and Geronimo (I'm trying to get a band together).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 06:07 PM

39F?? What happened?? Did Hell freeze over while I was otherwise engaged?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 08:27 PM

No, Amos, you have just woken up from an extended dream. All those things you remember about your "life" here were imaginary.

You are not who you think you are.

Your real name isn't Amos. It's Louie. Louie Troutfriend.

You are an assembly line worker at a poultry processing plant. You work day after day handling filthy, disgusting chicken carcasses that go by ceaselessly on a noisy conveyor belt. You have handled over 3 trillion of these pathetic dead chickens by now, and have also been exposed to a simply inconceivable number of bacteria and pathogens in so doing.

It was cumulative blood poisoning from all the crap in the chicken processing plant that finally caused you to become ill, lapse into a coma, and dream up your supposed existence as a pretentious wordsmith on an internet forum called Mudcat Cafe.

You are not a wordsmith. Your greatest talent is chugging 3 beers in under a minute and a half at the local bar on Friday nights and doing a ventriloquism act through your belly button with a George Bush action figure.

You have a wife who used to be in the roller derby, but she had to quit after getting pregnant and miscarrying for the 4rth time.

You have $120 in the bank and owe the bank about $13,000. Your job at the chicken processing plant has been given in your absence to an illegal immigrant named Alfonso...poor bastard! I pity him.

You and Alfonso are both shit out of luck. I suggest volunteering for something...but I'm not sure what.

Well, chin up, old chap...it could be worse! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 09:12 PM

You forgot to mention Louie's car.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 09:13 PM

Or his boat. Wait, that sank.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 09:14 PM

You just got the 34,400th post, Rapaire.

Yeah, I didn't want to remind Louie about the boat. I was afraid he might get depressed if I did that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Feb 10 - 09:36 PM

And you didn't mention his Visa and Mastercard bills. Or that clap he was treated for after he got out of the hospital that time. You're a gentleman.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 12:11 AM

Hmm. Seems like Louie is lying low for a bit. Well, I can understand that. He needs time to adjust.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Mar 10 - 12:32 AM

IS there a distinction to be made between BS and pathological hallucination?


A


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