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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 14 Apr 10 - 10:16 PM
Acme 14 Apr 10 - 11:53 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 10 - 09:13 AM
Rapparee 15 Apr 10 - 09:51 AM
MMario 15 Apr 10 - 09:52 AM
Acme 15 Apr 10 - 02:35 PM
Amos 15 Apr 10 - 02:46 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 10 - 02:53 PM
Amos 15 Apr 10 - 03:28 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 10 - 04:01 PM
Amos 15 Apr 10 - 04:10 PM
Eiseley 15 Apr 10 - 04:32 PM
Amos 15 Apr 10 - 05:21 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 10 - 07:27 PM
Amos 15 Apr 10 - 09:09 PM
Amos 15 Apr 10 - 10:22 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 10 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 10 - 10:56 PM
Rapparee 16 Apr 10 - 10:25 AM
Amos 16 Apr 10 - 10:33 AM
MMario 16 Apr 10 - 11:49 AM
Rapparee 16 Apr 10 - 12:21 PM
Amos 16 Apr 10 - 12:24 PM
Amos 16 Apr 10 - 02:15 PM
Rapparee 16 Apr 10 - 02:49 PM
Rapparee 16 Apr 10 - 03:48 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 16 Apr 10 - 05:57 PM
Rapparee 16 Apr 10 - 09:09 PM
Amos 16 Apr 10 - 09:15 PM
Rapparee 16 Apr 10 - 09:31 PM
Amos 16 Apr 10 - 09:36 PM
Rapparee 16 Apr 10 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 16 Apr 10 - 10:09 PM
Eiseley 16 Apr 10 - 10:37 PM
Amos 16 Apr 10 - 11:17 PM
Amos 17 Apr 10 - 10:48 AM
Amos 17 Apr 10 - 11:32 AM
Rapparee 17 Apr 10 - 12:26 PM
Eiseley 17 Apr 10 - 12:30 PM
Rapparee 17 Apr 10 - 12:37 PM
gnu 17 Apr 10 - 02:57 PM
Acme 17 Apr 10 - 04:00 PM
Amos 17 Apr 10 - 05:14 PM
Amos 17 Apr 10 - 06:51 PM
Rapparee 17 Apr 10 - 09:54 PM
Amos 17 Apr 10 - 10:09 PM
Rapparee 17 Apr 10 - 10:15 PM
Acme 17 Apr 10 - 11:11 PM
Rapparee 17 Apr 10 - 11:21 PM
Amos 17 Apr 10 - 11:38 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 10:16 PM

..and the second, as well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Apr 10 - 11:53 PM

Hey, MOM, just for the heck of it, I'm headed to bed before midnight. Who'd'a thunk it was possible?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 09:13 AM

It's that empty nest thingy. You dumped one kid in the Arizona desert and the other somewhere in Texas -- got the house to yourself and the dogs. That lets you get to bed whenever you want since you don't have to wait up to all hours worrying about the kids.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 09:51 AM

The Question Of The Day is:

Did Little Hawk receive his unsolicited gift?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 09:52 AM

Unless you're my mother; who still worries about her babies; though she has finally broken her habit of stopping and figuring out where everyone is when the local fire siren goes off. it only took her forty-some years after the kids started leaving the nest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 02:35 PM

When my brother got married and all of us assembled for the wedding my mother seemed to lose sight of the fact that we were all in our 20s and 30s and tried to usher us around like little kids. I know I was really mad about it, and she just didn't seem to understand. Good thing MOM MOAB has an entirely different view of her relationship to the kids.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 02:46 PM

But she still says Rapaire is gonna driver her to drinking
If he don't stop pretending
He knew Shakespeare, Chaucer and Lincoln.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 02:53 PM

I never knew Lincoln and I have never claimed to have. I knew of him, of course, but only by reputation. Abe and I didn't more in the same circles, ya understand. My brothers and I used to run a still at "Lincoln's New Salem State Park" but that was only to a demonstration. Abe was long in his tomb by then (long in his tomb -- get it?).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 03:28 PM

I'm glad you're not in charge of poetic licenses, Rapaire. Your unique combination of fantastic exaggeration and squinty pedanticism is really noteworthy.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 04:01 PM

Shucks, I thought "long in his tomb" was pretty funny. "Long in his tomb" just as he was "long" in life. Hyuck, hyuck, hyuck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 04:10 PM

You certainly lionized the beard in his den, didn't you?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 04:32 PM

So what would you say about Napoleon, Rap, that he was in his coffin shortly after he died?

I just got home from Wyoming! The drive that took nine hours on the way over because of blizzardy conditions around the Tetons, lasted only six hours coming back. Good thing, because I have a television show to put on in half an hour!

Tom (middle son) stayed at the house of one of my friends. When my friend's mother asked Tom if he ever wished he had a sister, Tom replied, "Oh, but I do have a sister. Her name is Benjamin." Then he went off into an improvised monologue about life with his "sister." He had everyone in stitches with his unholy routine, and I think he's well on his way to a career as a stand-up comedian. But I fear for his life if Ben finds out!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 05:21 PM

I think "Sister Benjamin" would be a great title for a movie starring Goldie Hawn and Whoopi Goldberg as sisters who decide to become brothers...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 07:27 PM

Sister Benjamin Mary was the bane of my grade school. You never knew when or where she'd show up. I think I saw her up at the Legion Hovel the other night, whacking the attendees on the hand with her ruler.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 09:09 PM

They were never sure of their parents, their race, their color or their gender. But one thing they knew was

Opening Cans of Whoop-Ass!!!

Coming soon to a theater near you!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 10:22 PM

Despite my tone of levity it has been a long, stressful week here in Camp Diego. Mixed rain and sunshine, a major patent successfully filed at last in London (for the CE) but all kinds of gore and blood on the trail behind it; an earthquake rolled through and did no harm; a child went through surgery and is now healing handsomely and driving around. So it has been a very spotty sort of week indeed.

At times like this is it good to pause and remember that Mom loves us all in her own deeply unknowable way.

For what is real, and what is aboriginal, cannot be fucked with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 10:51 PM

CANOL Road
   Stan Rogers

Well you could see it in his eyes as they strained against the night,
And the bone-white-knuckled grip upon the road,
Sixty-five miles into town, and a winter's thirst to drown,
A winter still with two months left to go.

His eyes are too far open, his grin too hard and sore,
His shoulders too far high to bring relief,
But the Kopper King is hot, even if the band is not,
And it sure beats shooting whiskey-jacks and trees.

Then he laughs and says "It didn't get me this time, not tonight,
I wasn't screaming when I hit the door."
But his hands on the tabletop, will their shaking never stop,
Those hands sweep the bottles to the floor.

Now he's a bear in a blood-red mackinaw with hungry dogs at bay,
And springtime thunder in his sudden roar,
With one wrong word he burns, and the table's overturned,
When he's finished there's a dead man on the floor.

Well they watched for him in Carmacks, Staines, and Carcross,
With Teslin blocked there's nowhere else to go,
But he hit the four-wheel-drive in Johnson's Crossing,
Now he's thirty-eight miles up the CANOL road.
He's thirty-eight miles up the CANOL road,
In the Salmon Range at forty-eight below...

Well it's God's own neon green above the mountains here tonight,
Throwing brittle coloured shadows on the snow,
It's four more hours til dawn, and the gas is almost gone,
And that bitter Yukon wind begins to blow.

Now you can see it in his eyes as they glitter in the light
And the bone-white rime of frost around his brow,
Too late the dawn has come, that Yukon winter has won,
And he's got his cure for cabin fever now.

Well they watched for him in Carmacks, Staines, and Carcross,
With Teslin blocked there's nowhere else to go,
But they hit the four-wheel-drive in Johnson's Crossing,
Found him thirty-eight miles up the CANOL road.
They found him thirty-eight miles up the CANOL road,
In the Salmon Range at forty-eight below,
They found him thirty-eight miles up the CANOL road....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 10 - 10:56 PM

MacDonnell On The Heights
Stan Rogers

Too thin the line that charged the Heights
And scrambled in the clay.
Too thin the Eastern Township Scot
Who showed them all the way,
And perhaps had you not fallen,
You might be what Brock became
But not one in ten thousand knows your name.
To say the name, MacDonnell,
It would bring no bugle call
But the Redcoats stayed beside you
When they saw the General fall.
Twas MacDonnell raised the banner then
And set the Heights aflame,
But not one in ten thousand knows your name.
You brought the field all standing with your courage and your luck
But unknown to most, you're lying there beside old General Brock.
So you know what it is to scale the Heights and fall just short of fame
And have not one in ten thousand know your name.
At Queenston now, the General on his tower stands alone
And there's lichen on 'MacDonnell' carved upon that weathered stone
In a corner of the monument to glory you could claim,
But not one in ten thousand knows your name.
You brought the field all standing with your courage and your luck
But unknown to most, you're lying there beside old General Brock.
So you know what it is to scale the Heights and fall just short of fame
And have not one in ten thousand know your name.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 10:25 AM

Good, good morning, Mom!! Here's a picture of morning around here!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 10:33 AM

Lovely location--in the spring, anyway.

Seems to me those are very stirring poems and all BUT it should be asked whether hiring out singers and songwriters and poets and out-of-state dithyrambist monks to fill the columns of Mom's sacred screed is actually...how to say...a bit below the salt?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 11:49 AM

I don't care what kind of vows those guys have taken, they bettern not go touching MOM's screed, not no how.!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 12:21 PM

What are you, Amos? A Canuckophobe? Don't you like Stan Rogers? Were you traumatized as a child by red maple leaves? Is that why you live so far from our Northern Friends?

Harris And The Mare
Stan Rogers

Harris, my old friend, good to see your face again
More welcome, though, yon trap and that old mare
For the wife is in a swoon, and I am all alone
Harris, fetch thy mare and take us home
The wife and I came out for a quiet glass of stout
And a word or two with neighbors in the room
But young Clary, he came in, as drunk and wild as sin
And swore the wife would leave the place with him
But the wife as quick as thought said, "No, I'll bloody not"
Then struck the brute a blow about the head
He raised his ugly paw, and he lashed her on the jaw
And she fell onto the floor like she were dead
Now Harris, well you know, I've never struck an angry blow
Nor would I keep a friend who raised his hand
I was a conscie in the war, cryin' what the hell's this for?
But I had to see his blood to be a man
I grabbed him by his coat, spun him 'round and took his throat
And beat his head upon the parlor door
He dragged out an awful knife, and he roared "I'll have your life"
And he stuck me and I fell onto the floor
Now blood I was from neck to thigh, bloody murder in his eye
As he shouted out "I'll finish you for sure"
But as the knife came down, I lashed out from the ground
And the knife was in his breast and he rolled o'er
Now with the wife as cold as clay I carried her away
No hand was raised to help us through the door
And I've brought her half a mile, but I've had to rest a while
And none of them I'll call a friend no more
For when the knife came down, I was helpless on the ground
No neighbor stayed his hand, I was alone
By God, I was a man, but now I cannot stand
Please, Harris, fetch thy mare, take us home
Oh, Harris, fetch thy mare, and take us out of here
In my nine and fifty years I've never known
That to call myself a man, for my loved one I must stand
Now Harris, fetch thy mare take us home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 12:24 PM

Rapaire:

Thy offense is only compounded by thy drivel. I note, however, that you have lately taken to attributing your posted screeds, at least, and in this I must commend you. Whether I want to or not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 02:15 PM

A Sweltering Day In Australia
by Mark Twain


The Bombola faints in the hot Bowral tree,
Where fierce Mullengudgery's smothering fires
Far from the breezes of Coolgardie
Burn ghastly and blue as the day expires;

And Murriwillumba complaineth in song
For the garlanded bowers of Woolloomooloo,
And the Ballarat Fly and the lone Wollongong
They dream of the gardens of Jamberoo;

The wallabi sighs for the Murrubidgee,
For the velvety sod of the Munno Parah,
Where the waters of healing from Muloowurtie
Flow dim in the gloaming by Yaranyackah;

The Koppio sorrows for lost Wolloway,
And sigheth in secret for Murrurundi,
The Whangeroo wombat lamenteth the day
That made him an exile from Jerrilderie;

The Teawamute Tumut from Wirrega's glade,
The Nangkita swallow, the Wallaroo swan,
They long for the peace of the Timaru shade
And thy balmy soft airs, O sweet Mittagong!

The Kooringa buffalo pants in the sun,
The Kondoparinga lies gaping for breath,
The Kongorong Camaum to the shadow has won,
But the Goomeroo sinks in the slumber of death;

In the weltering hell of the Moorooroo plain
The Yatala Wangary withers and dies,
And the Worrow Wanilla, demented with pain,
To the Woolgoolga woodlands despairingly flies;

Sweet Nangwarry's desolate, Coonamble wails,
And Tungkillo Kuito in sables is drest,
For the Whangerei winds fall asleep in the sails
And the Booleroo life-breeze is dead in the west.

Mypongo, Kapunda, O slumber no more
Yankalilla, Parawirra, be warned
There's death in the air!
Killanoola, wherefore
Shall the prayer of Penola be scorned?

Cootamundra, and Takee, and Wakatipu,
Toowoomba, Kaikoura are lost
From Onkaparinga to far Oamaru
All burn in this hell's holocaust!

Paramatta and Binnum are gone to their rest
In the vale of Tapanni Taroom,
Kawakawa, Deniliquin - all that was best
In the earth are but graves and a tomb!

Narrandera mourns, Cameron answers not
When the roll of the scathless we cry
Tongariro, Goondiwindi, Woolundunga, the spot
Is mute and forlorn where ye lie.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 02:49 PM

Sir,

You do me a grave injustice and give the lie when you state "Thy offense is only compounded by thy drivel."

I will give you twenty-four hours to apologize, or I shall have Eiseley call upon you as my Second and arrangement can be made to wash away your offense with your blood.

Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 03:48 PM

Hoka hey, Amos! Anpetu waste' kile mi!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 05:57 PM

In order to understand the gravity of the role that I have been requested to fill, I have been studying the Code Duello . Let it be known, though, that I have no quarrel with Sir Amos the Quick-Witted. Therefore, I am acting now in accordance to Rule 21, "Seconds are bound to attempt a reconciliation before the meeting takes place, or after sufficient firing or hits, as specified." So, Boys, listen up! If either one of you should be killed or wounded in this duel of words and virtual lead, I assure you that all the children of the Mother (including the survivor of said duel) would find much less pleasure in the repartee of Rapaire or the virtual Soma dosed out by Amos the perfect-pleasure drug referred to in Brave New World. So, please, Eloquent Poet and Amasser of Books, desist from your hostility and embrace again as the brothers you are. (And if you're anything like my sons, the brotherly embrace will be done only under duress and with pain inflicted on both sides during the obligatory clench.) You would each miss tremendously the pleasure you take in this verbal sparring. You'd like well to be able to scratch, perhaps, but even when you can scratch no more, you'd rather itch than not!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 09:09 PM

That's the Irish Code. The American Code is different, as is the Spanish, Italian, French and German codes. You can find a copy of John Lyde Wilson's "Code of Honor" here, at pages 235ff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 09:15 PM

In the first place, the offense I mentioned--posting screeds of others' work to fill the tumbrils of Mom's march--was surely yours. It was SO offensive I took to doing it myself just to get even!!

Secondly, your silly remarks about anti-Canuckian sentiment constitute drivel in the clear sense of being senseless. I have always been a friend to beavers everywhere.

Thirdly you added said remarks constituting drivel to a post cited under the defined offense, and thus compounded with said drivel said offense.

Now, if you find any of these assertions of mine arguably untrue (as distinct from merely being irked thereby) pray tell me how and in what wise, and I shall consider retraction.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 09:31 PM

Thou drooling, snot-faced, dog-livered, fustilarian! My words are never drivel, but thrust home with meaning and purpose. Go to, you clapped-out disappointment to your family! I say again, "Hoka he, Amos! Anpetu waste' kile mi!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 09:36 PM

From Rapaires referenced code:

5. When your second is in full possession of the facts, leave the whole matter to his judgment, and avoid any consultation with him, unless he seeks it. He has the custody of your honor, and by obeying him you cannot be compromitted.


Go to, then, thou and do likewise.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 09:39 PM

So...have you ever read any good books?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 10:09 PM

Robert Burns
by Mr. Amos

IMMORTAL Robert Burns of Ayr,
There's but few poets can with you compare;
Some of your poems and songs are very fine:
To "Mary in Heaven" is most sublime;
And then again in your "Cottar's Saturday Night,"
Your genius there does shine most bright,
As pure as the dewdrops of the night.

Your "Tam O'Shanter" is very fine,
Both funny, racy, and divine,
From John O'Groats to Dumfries
All critics consider it to be a masterpiece,
And, also, you have said the same,
Therefore they are not to blame.

And in my own opinion both you and they are right,
For your genius there does sparkle bright,
Which I most solemnly declare
To thee, Immortal Bard of Ayr!

Your "Banks and Braes of Bonnie Doon"
Is sweet and melodious in its tune,
And the poetry is moral and sublime,
And in my opinion nothing can be more fine.

Your "Scots wha hae wi' Wallace bled"
Is most beautiful to hear sung or read;
For your genius there does shine as bright,
Like unto the stars of night

Immortal Bard of Ayr! I must conclude my muse
To speak in praise of thee does not refuse,
For you were a mighty poet, few could with you compare,
And also an honour to Scotland, for your genius it is rare.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 10:37 PM

Rapaire, as I have said, I have no quarrel with Sir Amos, and I just want you boys to get along! Because I have very recently perused the whole of the canon of MOAB elucidations, I need only a little time to consider all the facts.

In the meantime, please calm the savage beast of ire raging in your heart against that man who you have in times past been wont to call your brother and your friend. I do not see things in the same aggrieved light in which you view them. Certainly Amos feels sad that you said he was afraid of Little Hawk‚??s countrymen. He probably is less scared of Canadians than he is of some Americans (especially some of the Idaho Legion, as you can well imagine).

As to giving appropriate and deserved credit to the rhymes you post in this Illustrious Forum, it is true that of late you have been giving proper attribution. However, it was not so very long ago that you committed perjury (cf ‚??05 Mar 10 - 11:11 AM From: Rapaire
I wrote this some years back just rediscovered it in an old file. I call it ‚??Dover Beach.‚??‚??
[Then follows a stolen piece of writing!]
So, if you have turned over a new leaf, you can show your sincerity by humbly citing the true source of your elucidations and not taking offense when your integrity is questioned. Likewise, it is inappropriate for you to use unfriendly and insulting epithets toward Amos while this matter of honor is under consideration. I trust that Amos swallows no less frequently than necessary, that he wipes his nose when appropriate, and that he is possessed of a human, not a canine hepar. Please don‚??t compound the problem by slinging mud in his general direction.

Regarding drivel, Amos probably has some explaining to do about that choice of word. I remember one time when you withdrew your accusation that Amos had used a thesaurus while composing his creative works. This may be a case when he can withdraw certain nouns about your own compositions.

Until I become possessed of all the facts in this case, I remain,
Yours truly,
Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 11:17 PM

I would reconsider in a moment, except that the word is clearly defined: senseless talk; nonsense;

Now we can all agree, surely, that a mind using sense will respect the facts, as he knows them; is that not so? And then, supposing he lacks certain key facts, the same mind will set about finding them out rather than merely invent false facts and pretend they are true--this is evident, is it not?

Now, I have explained and demonstrated through all these many aeons of MOABery that I am a friend to all Beavers and consider myself a brother to Canucks. I have said so to Mister Rapaire, directly. In the face of these facts his initial charge that I was afraid of Canadians is a direct contradiction of the truth. That much is plain to see, is it not? And, as we have already agreed, to use false facts to fill in gaps in one;s understanding is not consistent with the use of sense, and therefore can only be categorized by any thinking person as not sense, a condition to which we apply the term nonsense.

But nonsense, by definition, is one of the qualifications for which a thought or act or expression may be called drivel, by our original definition, and my use of the term cannot be gainsaid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 10:48 AM

Well, the case has been made and it is irrefutable; Rapaire hath issued drivel.

But we are fair minded people and it must be added that drivel comes in many grades of refinement, quality and aesthetic accomplishment, and it must surely be added that Rapaire's drivel is of the very finest sort, first-order drivel, top-drawer drivel, above-the-salt drivel, drivel of the first water, Grade A, drivel, extra-fine, pure virgin drivel.

Let us thank Rapaire for consenting us to bless with his excellent drivel, his fine drivel, his good drivel, his rare, bright, scintillating, compelling, and inspired drivel! Greater drivel hath no man, than he that giveth up his drivel all for his Mom!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 11:32 AM

For those who wot not the language of the Lakota, Rapaire has been snarling at me, "Come now!! This is a good day for you to die!". Most uncivil sentiment, I must add, thinly disguised by an obscure Amerindian gloss. I am not amused.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 12:26 PM

Amos, your talents as a linguist are exceeded only by the speciousness of your arguments. I applaud both, recognizing a linguist as cunning as my very own linguist brother and a species of argument as which can certainly hold a candle (albeit an unlit one) to my own. Indeed, I urge you to author a work on such argumentation; perhaps you could call it "On the Origin of Specious." So, no blow having been struck and all made clear by Eiseley, I will (with your permission) withdraw from what was never a quarrel and toast you with a glass of the Rare Auld Stuff during my evening meal at one of Pocatello's finest dining places.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 12:30 PM

That wouldn't happen to be the stuff from the bottle I saw on your mantle, would it?

It's a beautiful day, go outside and play now, guys!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 12:37 PM

Lord, no! That stuff is so dry it would suck you inside out or worse! (Eiseley is referring a bottle of La Bonne Merde, the product of our family winery). No, I had a pleasant single malt, well-aged product of Scotland in mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 02:57 PM

La Bonne Merde... hahahahaa.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 04:00 PM

Oh, Geez. Another duel? Watch out that Gluon doesn't appear in the middle of it and start humping Rapaire's leg like she did last time. Boy, wasn't THAT embarrassing!

I've only skimmed for a couple of days, I know little of the cause of this duel. I have a sinus infection that is making my eyes cross and clogging my ears. Bad poetry isn't helping, either. But that real purty picture of the Tetons was nice, and didn't aggravate my infection any.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 05:14 PM

As Rapaire has graciously withdrawn his challenge, having been coaxed and reasoned out of his foolhardy tempestuous impulse, I offer him a toast in return with like kind, as I hve a single malt stashed away in the music room for just such occasions.

I have returned from the wild border country, lo! This time, I am sporting a tooth in full, a fine tooth, a sturdy tooth, a bright, strong, lovely tooth well-anchored and well fitted.

Oh tooth, my tooth
I say in truth
No king uncouth
Has such a tooth!
'Tis fair, forsooth
And bears no ruth!
Both fine and couth
Is my new tooth!
Now hear me roar,
A carnivore!
Restored to youth
By this, my tooth!

D. Entleflloscer
Welsh Rarebits of Healthcare
Gwynnen Offishen
Drybyth-on-Courte
1878


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 06:51 PM

The usual overpass from the pedestrian checkpoint back over to the all-day parking lot had been unexpectedly closed off when I got through to the United States. A huge sliding steel door had been rolled across it.   There was a loitering Hawaiian lad, about 400 pounds in a stiff blue Federal Customs shirt near by and I asked him why it was closed. He sighed. "We had some problems, mon." was all he would say. So to get back to the parking lot where my civilized car waited from me, I had to hike up two blocks and turn left at the traffic light and hike across a long bridge which went over the freeway and down the other side to where the all-day parking lot was. Half way up at the crest of the bridge was a large TV camera, zeroing in on the border crossing stations. One of the many lanes had been blocked by a large black SUV stopped at an unhealthy angle across the lane.

The new guys informed me that said vehicle had tried to cross the border by force majeure, and had been brought to a halt only by the use of high-powered handguns.

An exciting day in border country.

You're lost in the rain in Juarez, and it's Easter time too.
Your gravity fails, and negativity won't pull you through....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 09:54 PM

AP: April 17, 2010
Man shot, hurt at San Diego County border crossing

Federal officers shot and injured a man at the nation's busiest border crossing Saturday after he sped away from a gate agent and rammed a pickup while crossing into San Diego County from Mexico, authorities said.

The shooting by two U.S. Customs and Border Protection agents occurred about 8:50 a.m at the San Ysidro Point of Entry, said San Diego Police Lt. Kevin Rooney.

The man drove up to a gate in a Chevrolet Tahoe and told a customs inspector he didn't have any official identification. After offering some nonofficial documentation, the man was directed to a secondary inspection area.

Rooney said the driver accelerated up a departure lane, rammed a Ford pickup and crashed into concrete barriers as he tried to get into the northbound lanes of Interstate 5.

Agents on foot converged on the Tahoe and opened the door, trying to drag the driver out. The suspect drove in reverse, striking an agent with the Tahoe's open door. The agent fired at the driver as he sped backward. A second agent opened fire and the driver crashed into the barrier again and stopped, Rooney said.

The suspect suffered one gunshot wound and was hospitalized under guard, Rooney said. The injury was not considered life threatening.

The man was not identified. He was described as in his 50s. It was unclear if he'll be prosecuted federally or locally, Rooney said.

The truck he was driving was reported stolen in Colorado, Rooney said.

No agents were injured and nobody in the pickup was hurt, Rooney said.

The San Ysidro Point of Entry connects San Diego and Tijuana, Mexico. About 40,000 vehicles cross into the United States at the port each day, and it has 24 northbound lanes.

Three of the lanes were briefly closed while police investigated.

In September, several people were injured after the drivers of three vans filled with dozens of suspected illegal immigrants reportedly tried to storm through the border crossing and federal agents opened fire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 10:09 PM

I don't think it could have been 0850...I didn't even reach the line until noon at best. Of course this is a bureaucracy and they move very slowly, so I suppose its possible.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 10:15 PM

They were probably still trying to sort things out -- the guy could have been a distraction for something else, for instance. These days they probably had a bomb squad check the vehicle as well.

It does make you wonder what the guy was thinking, if anything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 11:11 PM

Maybe he just had to pee real bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 11:21 PM

Ah do think ah'd wet mah pants, Ma'am, aforen ah'd take a chance on gittin' shot daid. Them border agents use real bullets, ya know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 11:38 PM

I suspect he was in a crazed state, perhaps caused by chemicals, perhaps by mythology, perhaps by Catholicism or images of a violent parent. Whatever the precipitating element, he knew he had to be a hero, and was speaking to the Seven Spanish AnNgels when he made his deadly run, destined to a desperate, heroic move.

Like all heroic moves in this day and age, it did not lead to heroism and it did not lead to death. It lead to an awkward place where he is in a public hospital ward being healed of a bullet wound and facing criminal charges.

There is no crime greater than forcing a lawman to commit violence. They train to do it, dream of it, fear it and lust for the opportunity of it, but drive them to it and your name is mud and you are in deep doodoo. This is paradoxical, yes, but it is the way of the world.

A


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