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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 15 May 15 - 10:02 AM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 14 May 15 - 08:35 PM
Acme 14 May 15 - 05:14 PM
Amos 14 May 15 - 03:52 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 May 15 - 03:37 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 14 May 15 - 02:44 PM
gnu 14 May 15 - 11:37 AM
Amos 14 May 15 - 11:25 AM
Rapparee 14 May 15 - 10:01 AM
Amos 14 May 15 - 02:34 AM
GUEST,Liver Eatin' Johnson 13 May 15 - 10:55 PM
gnu 13 May 15 - 12:28 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 13 May 15 - 12:28 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 13 May 15 - 11:22 AM
GUEST,Liver Eatin' Johnson 13 May 15 - 10:24 AM
Amos 13 May 15 - 10:13 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 13 May 15 - 09:14 AM
Amos 13 May 15 - 03:46 AM
Amos 13 May 15 - 03:45 AM
GUEST,LEJ 12 May 15 - 10:12 PM
GUEST,Liver Eatin' Johnson 12 May 15 - 10:10 PM
Acme 12 May 15 - 09:07 PM
gnu 12 May 15 - 08:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 May 15 - 07:49 PM
gnu 12 May 15 - 03:49 PM
gnu 12 May 15 - 02:45 PM
Acme 12 May 15 - 01:44 PM
Rapparee 12 May 15 - 09:44 AM
Rapparee 12 May 15 - 09:31 AM
Amos 12 May 15 - 12:22 AM
Rapparee 11 May 15 - 11:21 PM
Rapparee 11 May 15 - 11:20 PM
Amos 11 May 15 - 05:52 PM
Amos 11 May 15 - 01:25 PM
Rapparee 11 May 15 - 11:01 AM
gnu 10 May 15 - 09:55 PM
Rapparee 10 May 15 - 09:22 PM
gnu 10 May 15 - 04:41 PM
Amos 10 May 15 - 01:13 PM
Rapparee 10 May 15 - 12:47 PM
Acme 10 May 15 - 01:40 AM
GUEST 10 May 15 - 12:45 AM
Rapparee 09 May 15 - 11:28 PM
gnu 09 May 15 - 11:13 AM
Rapparee 09 May 15 - 09:50 AM
gnu 09 May 15 - 08:22 AM
Amos 09 May 15 - 01:00 AM
Acme 08 May 15 - 11:22 PM
Rapparee 08 May 15 - 09:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 May 15 - 09:11 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 15 - 10:02 AM

Dear Penny,

I report only the truth. I am not, however, going to "share" my magnificent body with a lot of giggling student nurses who work in an environment of disease. Good Heavens! I could come down with the Galloping Nevergetovers! I'm far to attached to my body to risk that.

Your humble servant,

/s/eerappaR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 14 May 15 - 08:35 PM

In reference to the passage: "looked over my magnificent body (to the gasps and cries of amazement and pleasure from his female assistants)"

You must take care, Mr Rapparee, that you don't succumb to the effects of terminal boasting! It has proven fatal in more than a few cases.

*PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 15 - 05:14 PM

That's losing weight the hard way, Rap. Shrinkage by a thousand cuts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 15 - 03:52 PM

Oh, I don't! Imagine the buzz at the Liverspots Convention Hall when he gets drugged in for indecent exposure from the shoulders up!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 May 15 - 03:37 PM

That sounds like a pretty harrowing dermatologist visit, Rap. I hope you remembered to dress before driving home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 14 May 15 - 02:44 PM

I wunce get aholt of you Mr Liver Eater and you are flippin' DEAD!!!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 May 15 - 11:37 AM

Baikal 28" vent rib with fine bead, full over modified, double trigger, selective eject with cracked grip but it's okay on accounta I duct taped it (over 650 shells through it after I cracked it). Got knurled grips and the breach has a woods scene with a partridge on one side and a rabbit on the other. Recoil pad too. Very light. But you can't have it because I gave it to my cousin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 15 - 11:25 AM

As a recent survivor of medical assault with razor trying to deface the excoriating beauty of my natural visage, I can sympathize. Let the biopsy reveal your Venusian lineage!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 15 - 10:01 AM

Geez, you go away because a dermatologist cuts up you face, and unexpectedly I might add, and some old mountain man is baiting Shame, Amos is staying up waaaay past his bedtime, and gnu is selling off his possessions (if ya got a nice shotgun let me know).

Yes, I went in for simple checkup. He squirted liquid nitrogen on a "sun spot" beneath my right eye and looked over my magnificent body (to the gasps and cries of amazement and pleasure from his female assistants). Then, he turned my head to the left and...told his assistant to "prepare him." She replied that she'd be MOST happy to do that and gave a little wiggle. He told her to send in the other nurse, named "Watch it" or something. So this new nurse jams a square needle with a blunt point with burrs into my right (facial) cheek and injects something. When she does it again I inadvertently register pain and she jabs the needle in further, twists it, and yanks it out.

Yes, I was leaking blood. Even the doctor said so and I could feel it running down my cheek. He put a napkin near the wound, so he wouldn't leave evidence of the assault on my shirt I guess, and whips out a knife and starts whittling and I passed out from the pain.

Two hard stinging slaps awakened me and the nurse said, "The doc wants to tell you something." So he told me that the stuff he cut out would biopsied and he have the results next week. Then they turned me off the table and onto the cold floor (I was still au naturel for the exam), and said to go home and wait for them to call.

I managed, somehow, to drive home and crawl into bed, the blood sometimes leaking from under the cotton ball duct taped to my cheek. I can't shave and I can barely sleep; such opiates as I have don't touch the pain. Then I find Amos up past his bedtime.

Pshaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 15 - 02:34 AM

Guess it takes all kinds of L.E.J.'s to make a village, or something like that...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Liver Eatin' Johnson
Date: 13 May 15 - 10:55 PM

Dont know nothin about no Colorader guy. As fer you in Bland River, I aint testin you. Yer a coddle brain mommys boy, a manjer de pork, a flatlander with flat fleet who couldnt cook a beaver tail er skin old Ephraim if ya had to. Yer a pudden faced pail of thin milk that aint brave enuf ta leave home lessen its with tar an fethers on. As fer that McBride stuff, the only one of them I ever knew stunk so bad we gave him in to a hot bath in Colter's Hell an watched the grease rise to the top, kinda like buffler chips in a stagnent pond.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 May 15 - 12:28 PM

SRS... two 4 drawer filing cabinets went for $450. I am now setting out one garbage bag of my business each week (20 weeks... them suckers be HEAVY! and I don't wanna piss off da man).

LEJ? I think not! Imposter I fear. Guys from Colorado are too mellllow fer that kinda stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 13 May 15 - 12:28 PM

All's I can say is this: DON'T FLIPPIN' TEST ME! I am a McBride, eh? You don't flippin' test a McBride if you got any flippin' cents in yer head, know'm sayin'?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 13 May 15 - 11:22 AM

You know what you can do, right?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Liver Eatin' Johnson
Date: 13 May 15 - 10:24 AM

Rule? You ever cut out and et a man's liver? Raw? Like ah did? Bekaws he anoyed me? Rule. Run home to momma, litle boy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 15 - 10:13 AM

I hate when Imaginary Friends get uppity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 13 May 15 - 09:14 AM

I still rule, eh? You can take that to the bank. No word of a flippin' lie.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 15 - 03:46 AM

By gar, I should hope bloody not, eh, me son?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 15 - 03:45 AM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,LEJ
Date: 12 May 15 - 10:12 PM

Sorry. just wanted ta say I ain't daid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Liver Eatin' Johnson
Date: 12 May 15 - 10:10 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 May 15 - 09:07 PM

gnu, I've put a few things up on eBay this week myself. Clearing out the sun room and adding to the cash for a trip in the fall. You do seem to have a knack for those online sales.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 May 15 - 08:28 PM

Often, it's just a hacker testing the site with a shite post. Though... I ain't no expert fer sure eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 May 15 - 07:49 PM

Why is Internet SPAM so often indecipherable? If the object is to sell something, doesn't a clear message stating what it is you are selling, at what price, and why someone should want it make more sense than something which only makes a reader go "What the fuck is this all about?"

MOM is too proud of our robust post count to let some illegible whippersnapper try to horn in to add to the number. She shooed that nonsense out the door and gave it a kick in the pants off of the back porch. That said, said whippersnapper may have searched and noticed gnu's prolific sales and thought to piggyback on his sales. --mudelf


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 May 15 - 03:49 PM

$555 dollars in 7 days on Kijiji. Got another $10 sale (new gas can I got with a "Flo N' Go Home Filling Station") in a half hour. Got about 60 ads online. Got a load of stuff to sell in quick time. Figure on moving out of here by 08.15. Anyone need fishin n huntin stuff? or a 7' two leaf maple dining table with 8 chairs? or... whatever? I even have an empty pack of Camel smokes and the butts from it what belonged to yer famous author and musician Amos Jessop. Just send a blank cheque fer the Jessop memorabilia... if ya gotta ask the price, ya can't afford it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 May 15 - 02:45 PM

Rap... Mi'kmaq... mig-maw. The g is half way to a c. Practice for the test.

All my relations.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 May 15 - 01:44 PM

Figuring it out - that is the big part!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 15 - 09:44 AM

And so, charged with convincing Eiseley to come to Getaway, I wrote her hermitage. I mightily strove to convince her to leave her anchorite's cell in the mountains and join in good fellowship and music on the shores of Chesapeake Bay. I explained that the tales of non-stop drunken lechery and lust were simply things made up to avoid too many attendees but that they had the opposite effect. I told her...but I think that the list of possible guests was what changed her mind. I told her that Elvis, Princess Charlotte, Cecily Fox Smith, Childe Harold (of Childe's Ballads fame), Texas Maggie, Pecos Bill, Joaquin Murrieta, Ol' Lewd Beethoven, "Filthy" Lucre, and even the New Brunswick Bohran may show up. Here is her response:

I'd love to see everyone! Let me figure out if I can "get away" and go!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 15 - 09:31 AM

FTL? If it's FTL how do the electrons keep up?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 15 - 12:22 AM

You are confusing it with your own, buried and desperate past, sirrah. It is an elegant piece of computer hardware, capable of driving the fastest space flight beyond the orbit of Mars.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 15 - 11:21 PM

Or am I confusing it with an Indian tribe of the NB/ME area?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 15 - 11:20 PM

Minimac is a little hamburger, no?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 15 - 05:52 PM

In half an hour my new Minimac will have on it all the files my iMac had on it before its logic board blew out. This will be great relief to me, as I was in morbid fear that immortal lines might somehow be lost to human ken for all time, denying the sunlight of their wisdom and cheer to countless needful generations of Homo Novae and delaying the birth of genuine civilization in the West. Now I know this horrible fate has been avoided, the bomb of darkness defused, the barbarous bullet dodged, and I can rest easy and pursue my more ordinary labors with a tranquil heart.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 15 - 01:25 PM

But nobody does it like Bugs, am I right? Noooobody.

Save your nickels, save your dimes,
Make a trip at Getaway time
Don't be shy and don't be lame,
Come to Getaway all a same!
Yeeehaaw!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 15 - 11:01 AM

There are many pieces of music like that, pieces that pierce your heart and soul and brings reality back to an unreal world. They keep you going when the mountain seems too steep to continue the climb, when the road is nothing but nails and potholes, when the river is too wild and cold and the night to dark, when the bridge to other side seems about to collapse into the Stygian canyon below, when the unknowable loads of the future seem too much to bear, when straining a bit of joy from life seems impossible.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 May 15 - 09:55 PM

Thank you, Rap.

But, indeed, this forum is about Blues and Folk. So, perhaps it is time for a more serious approach toward the music rather than me being... oh, never mind... let's get serious about real folk music. This American classic from the Ozark Mountains has always provided me with a dose of comfort and reality. Bugs me that some don't consider it a true classic piece of American art.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 15 - 09:22 PM

I certainly cannot imagine why it would be, gnu. I am certainly certain that you were a model child and grew into a model adult.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 May 15 - 04:41 PM

I would have to hire someone that Mum doesn't know. Not a good idea.

BTW... the lobster was great! I gotta do all the crackin on accounta she can't do it anymore so it makes me feel even better when I serve it up. So was the chicken dinner on Wednesday from which I made chicken soup last night... mmmmm! The two dozen roses (12 white and twelve red) that I delivered Wednesday are now flowered out and are beautiful. Gotta get a pic. She really liked the card even though I didn't write it. >;-) The HBird feeder has been up for near a week but no Hummers yet... sigh. Got three hanging pots up on her garage eave yesterday. Yellow, red and purple Mini Petunias. She has been having a good week and it brings joy to my otherwise "life". She deserves it... raising me for 58+ years has been exasperating for her, I am sure.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 15 - 01:13 PM

Absolutably!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 15 - 12:47 PM

Shall I try to convince Eiseley??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 May 15 - 01:40 AM

Part of that more current information is that your mom might enjoy someone else's cooking for a few days and you should come meet the rest of us face to face, if we all make it this year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 10 May 15 - 12:45 AM

The Advocate GEneral of Domestic Mishaps and Coordination wishes to advise Mister Gnu that any college student will be glad to fill in to cover the alleged circumstances with which he wishes to justify his absence at said Getaway, for a cost less hazardous than said thimble and collateral consequences. The Advocate General requests Mister Gnu rethink his position in light of this more current information.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 15 - 11:28 PM

Dear Sue,

Didn't you "date" my friends Jim, Brian, Tom, Roger, Dennis, and Steve one night when you were in college? I seem to remember a orgy party the details of which shall remain closed...maybe. Yes, I have photographs and a grainy 8mm film and yes, it's you "sweety pants".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 May 15 - 11:13 AM

Dear Mr. Rapparee,

Mr. gnu, for whom I act as agent, has directed me to issue this correspondence to assure you that Mr. gnu would gladly attend the event in Maryland if various circumstances which preclude his presence were not existent. Additionally, he hopes to attend someday.

Signed under seal for Mr. gnu by,

Sue Yoo, LLB, Barrister and Solicitor
Pluckem, Fuckem and Chuckem Ltd.
Bank of Nova Scrotum Building
Sweet 4263
1 Main Street
Moncton, NB
Canada $1$ 1$1


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 15 - 09:50 AM

Your systolic gets much lower and you won't pass the exam.

Mr. gnu is cordially invited to a weekend of music, song, and drunken lechery, also called Getaway 2015, which will be held at West River, Maryland, on the first weekend in October. Mr. Rapparee is certain that arrangements for at least one bodhran or other weapon can be arranged, as can some sort of transport from and to Baltimore-Washington International Airport. Should Mr. gnu elect not to come, arrangements will be made for Ms. Jacqui Morse to thump him repeatedly on the head with a heavy thimble.

Répondez s'il vous plaît ASAP.

Cordially yours,
Mr. Rapparee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 May 15 - 08:22 AM

NOW I read the posts about bacon. Although, I did not eat the whole package in one sitting. Took me three, over about an hour. Took two beers to wash it down. I figure the 175# will be about 174# tomorrow... just retaining fluids. Hmmm, better check my BP. 116/74 at 69 bpm. Apparently, bacon+beer is good for the BP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 15 - 01:00 AM

Them Cleverleys are as cleverly as boys can get, you betcha!

Advice to the wicked: do NOT try and remove a hard drive from one of them unimodular iMacs for the first time. Wait until the fourth or fifth time.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 May 15 - 11:22 PM

Gary, I responded to someone recently about bacon, but it apparently wasn't you. Stay healthy, get your butt down to the Getaway this year. Maybe some more of the MOAB clan can get together. But you won't make it if you have a bacon-induced stroke. Just sayin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 15 - 09:24 PM

We buy bacon, cook it, drain it, cool it, and freeze it. That speeds up BLTs and other things because you can cook a couple of pounds in advance. We use a griddle with a couple of bacon presses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 May 15 - 09:11 PM

Gnu, whether eating an entire package of bacon at one sitting is healthy or not is beside the question. It's disgusting either way. Bacon is a low-dosage food.


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