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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 01 Oct 06 - 03:09 PM
Amos 01 Oct 06 - 10:51 AM
JennyO 01 Oct 06 - 04:27 AM
Acme 30 Sep 06 - 10:32 PM
Amos 30 Sep 06 - 10:05 PM
Amos 30 Sep 06 - 07:27 PM
Bunnahabhain 30 Sep 06 - 05:09 PM
Amos 30 Sep 06 - 02:41 PM
Acme 30 Sep 06 - 02:05 PM
Amos 30 Sep 06 - 11:39 AM
Amos 30 Sep 06 - 09:49 AM
Acme 30 Sep 06 - 01:13 AM
JennyO 29 Sep 06 - 10:12 PM
Acme 29 Sep 06 - 08:51 PM
Amos 29 Sep 06 - 08:35 PM
Acme 29 Sep 06 - 07:24 PM
Acme 29 Sep 06 - 07:19 PM
MMario 29 Sep 06 - 04:18 PM
Rapparee 29 Sep 06 - 04:11 PM
Amos 29 Sep 06 - 11:25 AM
JennyO 29 Sep 06 - 11:10 AM
MMario 29 Sep 06 - 11:03 AM
Bunnahabhain 29 Sep 06 - 10:56 AM
Acme 29 Sep 06 - 10:17 AM
Rapparee 29 Sep 06 - 09:06 AM
Rapparee 29 Sep 06 - 09:04 AM
Bunnahabhain 29 Sep 06 - 08:12 AM
Amos 28 Sep 06 - 11:18 PM
Amos 28 Sep 06 - 10:41 PM
JennyO 28 Sep 06 - 10:40 PM
Rapparee 28 Sep 06 - 06:13 PM
Acme 28 Sep 06 - 05:42 PM
Amos 28 Sep 06 - 12:28 PM
Acme 28 Sep 06 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 28 Sep 06 - 11:20 AM
Bunnahabhain 28 Sep 06 - 10:07 AM
MMario 28 Sep 06 - 09:36 AM
Rapparee 28 Sep 06 - 09:27 AM
MMario 28 Sep 06 - 09:23 AM
Rapparee 28 Sep 06 - 09:20 AM
Amos 28 Sep 06 - 09:14 AM
Rapparee 28 Sep 06 - 08:54 AM
MMario 28 Sep 06 - 08:24 AM
Bunnahabhain 28 Sep 06 - 06:41 AM
Amos 28 Sep 06 - 01:51 AM
JennyO 27 Sep 06 - 11:11 PM
Acme 27 Sep 06 - 11:05 PM
Rapparee 27 Sep 06 - 09:28 PM
Rapparee 27 Sep 06 - 09:21 PM
Amos 27 Sep 06 - 08:34 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Oct 06 - 03:09 PM

That marquee trick doesn't display correctly in Firefox. Interesting. MOM, be sure to step on over to the Mudcat 10th Birthday thread and wish Max and all a happy birthday and many more!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Oct 06 - 10:51 AM

Somepeople know how to make a profit out of BS. For example:

Claremont Graduate University
Tufts Poetry Awards
The $100,000 Kingsley Tufts Poetry Award is given annually to honor a book of poetry by a mid-career U.S. poet. The winner will spend one week in residence at Claremont Graduate University in California. The $10,000 Kate Tufts Discovery Award is given annually to honor a first book of poetry by "a poet of genuine promise." Robert Pinsky, Alice Quinn, and Robert Wrigley will be among the final judges. Poets, publishers, agents, or friends may submit five copies of a book of poetry published between September 15, 2005, and September 15, 2006, with a list of previously published work by September 15. There is no entry fee. Send an SASE, call, or visit the Web site for the required application and complete guidelines.
(See Recent Winners.)
Claremont Graduate University, Tufts Poetry Awards, 160 East 10th Street, Harper East B7, Claremont, CA 91711-6165. (909) 621-8974.
www.cgu.edu/tufts


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 01 Oct 06 - 04:27 AM

Just a couple of hours to the Pink Panther movies. I've got the sofa bed ready for you Mom, any time you want to come over!

Clouseau: Does your dog bite?
Hotel Clerk: No.
Clouseau: [bowing down to pet the dog] Nice doggie.
[dog bites Clouseau's hand]
Clouseau: I thought you said your dog did not bite!
Hotel Clerk: That is not my dog.


The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Sep 06 - 10:32 PM

Real cute trick, Amos, well worth stealing. . .




Amos!!!.........Amos!!!........Here, Amos!!!!Here, Amos!! Here, Amos !!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Sep 06 - 10:05 PM

I tell ya, there ain't nothing more confuzzling than trying to obedience-train an entangled duck-dog...



GLUON!!!.........GLUON!!!........Here, Gluon!!!!Here, Gluon!! Here, Gluon !!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Sep 06 - 07:27 PM

It was rather fractured, wasn't it? I meant to write 'Latin' for 'latent', and there were several other typos. And visibility of 100 feet was a reference to the underwater vistas of Tahiti, not those seen while sailing on top of the water on a broad reach.

I do apologize for cluttering up a thread of fine BS with incomprehensible and badly worded sentiments.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 30 Sep 06 - 05:09 PM

Amos, even by the high and lofty standards of MOAB, that last post neither made sense to me, nor seemed relevent to anything recent around here. This of course is nothing unusual, but it was done with such style, I could not resist the urge to mention this...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Sep 06 - 02:41 PM

Although it is Saturday I am at the office decoding theintricacies of a very complex patent which includes half-cycle skipping as a method of phase-flipping and removable/attachable range-finders with detectable emanations of a kind not to be carelessly discussed, and EMF detectors with built-in Zigbee protocols and lots of othert neat things. This is a Bear among applications.

This sort of application in Patentlandia is called an Omnibus. I remember that used to be a TV theater show, and the name used by Brits for their city transport vehicles. It means, from the latent, "for or to everyone", being, IIRC, the ablative form of omnes. I am sure Deda will correct me if I err.

I think I would rather be running on a long reach down to Tahiti, where the vicibility is 100 feet on a bad day and terrorists grow right off of the trees.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Sep 06 - 02:05 PM

Sounds like the same shirt I have--I didn't recognize it when you said "MAP." I wondered briefly about that, last night when I went to bed, but I have to confess that I quickly forgot it when I remembered the family getting their VW started in the movie. I lay in bed laughing in the dark for a few minutes before going to sleep. . .

I'll toss the shirt in the laundry and toss some bucks in the mail. Thanks again!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Sep 06 - 11:39 AM

Not MAP! For cry-i-i-i-i!!! It says MOAB! MOAB!@!! MOAB!!! And then it has these little Zuni silhouette characters lounging around on it. It has character. It has class. It is a Good Thing.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Sep 06 - 09:49 AM

I loved Being There. A classic.

In other news, I withdraw my remark about my beautiuful flamingo pink tee--it says MAP on it in ordinary lletters very colorfully. I left Rapaire's card on the desk overnight and it sttled down and stopped sp[inning.

Thanks a ton, Dude. A truly fine deed.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Sep 06 - 01:13 AM

What a nice offer! My kids, when they were little, loved to get to sleep on the sofa-bed in the living room in front of the tv. It became an occasion, like a camp out in the living room. They shared very nicely and they always got to watch a favorite movie. Pink Panther for earlier when they're awake, but after they go to sleep, I'd vote for a different Peter Sellers, like Being There or The World of Henry Orient.

We went to see Little Miss Sunshine. It was a hoot! Lots of little scenarios to reflect back on now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 10:12 PM

If you like, Mom, you can come and watch the Pink Panther movies with me tomorrow night. Do you like the Pink Panther? We can have hot chocolate and I could even pull out the sofa bed for you if you'd like to get really comfortable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 08:51 PM

I'm taking Moonglow out to a funny movie tonight. It's either that or go nuts. The whole world is off-kilter this week, and even with bright spots like a new t-shirt, it's just plain nasty out there and I want an escape. I'll get it with the good company of my smart and funny daughter.

Those girls in Colorado (Moonglow got a terse lecture this afternoon on "don't think like a victim--rip his balls off if you have a chance") and the principal in Wisconsin, to say nothing of the continuing debacle in Bush-land. I can't even find amusement in the Republican disarray as their candidates self-destruct.

Take care, MOM. Have a nice cuppa tea and watch an old movie or two. I left Now, Voyager and Random Harvest on top of the television for you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 08:35 PM

Rpaire:

I got an extra Tee Shirt as well, a loverly thing, but it says nothing except in Zuni sand-figure characters. I will write you to thank you as soon as I finish turning over your Moebius Strip business card. I think Gluon peed on it or something as it seems to be in an endless loop.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 07:24 PM

The strangest thing--my browser won't go to my usual home page, it won't go to my work, it won't go to bookmarks--it only goes to Mudcat. Like the whole thing is broken for once EXCEPT Mudcat. . .

Al Gore is in town this weekend. Maybe the Republicans in the area are trying to make him feel welcome by breaking the Internet (that he doesn't claim to have invented, but that doesn't stop them from claiming that he claims he invented it.)

I feel some Twilight Zone music coming on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 07:19 PM

I have an extra t-shirt! I do, I do! And guess what it says, why you'll never guess. . .






























MOAB!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 04:18 PM

Mom called me to ask if you had extra socks with you. Why she called me, I don't know.

Do you have extra socks with you? You know how she worries.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 04:11 PM

So long, Mom,
I'm off to the Grand Tetons,
So don't wait up for me....

Be back Sunday, Mom. Then on Tuesday I'm off to SLC for the rest of the week, only I'll be in touch there Mom, I promise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 11:25 AM

Osama Bin Laden, professional murderer, religious zealot, rabble-rouser, promulgator of violence, destroyer of lives and property...take up Morris dancing? What would he do with his needle-work while this was going on? Where would he put his nittens and his rubber duck?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 11:10 AM

I've got ads for cross-dressing. I kid you not!

Still thinking of Bin Laden and the Morris Dancers -

This is it and that is it
And this is a morris dance, sir
Bin Laden fell and broke his leg
And so I took a chance, sir


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 11:03 AM

don't know - I've got ads for Klezmer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 10:56 AM

The beer aspect of morris dancing might present a slight problem, but other than that, hes's got it all

beard                   check
funny clothes          check
No women to join in    check



Any idea why google has come up with ads for stretching exercises?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 10:17 AM

Especially if Gluon pees on him while he does it. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 09:06 AM

Hey, ya know, "Bin Laden and the Morris Dancers" sounds like some musical group! I must admit that the mental image of Osama Bin Laden prancing around in a porkpie hat, hankies tied to his wrists, does have a strange appeal!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 09:04 AM

Worst of all was the time that damned duckdog got the leash wrapped as a Mobius strip (Jennie-O, that's a mathematical thing, not something you do in a sleazy bar) around a Time Anomaly.

Ever watch a duckdog pee, over and over and over and over, for 4,593,197,379 standard years? It gets boring after the first couple times, lemme tell ya!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Sep 06 - 08:12 AM

There's a nice, folky sounding song about time travel, or possibly just time dialation on 'A Night at the Opera', the Queen one, not the Marx brothers one.

Silly story line, and they all end up dead or unhappy. Must be folk...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 11:18 PM

(one, two, three, FOAH!) (Motown driving rhythm with a back beat, 8 bars...)

Lady Lack on the old time track,
Jumping forward and falling back,
Multiple lifetimes, it could get worse,
Living n a parallel U-niverse,

Walk the duckdog, baby!
Walk the duckdog, baby!
It don't much matter when
It'll happen all over again,
Just walk the duckdog, baby!!


...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 10:41 PM

Across the miles and over the years
I hear you call,
"When will you come home?"
"When will you come home?"
Over,
And over.....

Jessup, 1995


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 10:40 PM

Hi Mom, what are you doing down there amongst Bin Laden and the Morris Dancers? While your kids are out walking I'll give you a nice cup of tea and a bit of a lift. I've been a good girl and put all the virtual chardonnay bottles in the recycling bin. Sorry about last year - I really did mean to pick them up, but something distracted me.

That Gluon - he really needs to go to a training school - if you could catch him first. Do they have training schools for duckdogs? That's why I'd never go for a walk with a duckdog - you never know where (or when) you're gonna finish up....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 06:13 PM

Last time I walked that duckdog it chased a squirrel and ended up getting the leash tangled in 347 BCE, 1350 CE, 1916 CE, and 3479 CE. You ever try to untangle the same leash in the middle of an attempted palace coup in China, the Black Death, the Battle of Cambrai, and the attempt by the Ricians to defeat the Combined Fleet at the Holocaust of Rigel IVa? Lemme tell ya, it ain't easy turnin' green -- and blue, and black, and just the buboes will kill ya!

Damn duckdog.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 05:42 PM

Such a nice day outside Mom, I think I'm going to go outside and play. The dogs can go with me. Gluon can come too but I'd really rather travel in just one dimension this time. Our leashes got tangled back in 1967 and again in 1972 the last time she tried taking a walk with us. A simple 2006 traverse of the woods is all I ask.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 12:28 PM

I haven't heard that song, unless it is the one that got demodulated into Muzak tapes at the local Starbucks. But, I think I can understand the sentiment, now that I know who wrote it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 11:31 AM

Yeah, you can't be too careful when keeping an eye on that spare.

I think the line in the earlier exerise should be modified, Amos:

A bitch on the job but a poor man's pal,

Maybe this was a trick question? I believe "A bitch on the job but a poor maid's pal" is more germane.

I had a flat on the highway a few weeks ago--at least, the puncture happened on the highway but it was a relatively slow leak and it wasn't until a couple of hours later in the driveway that it went flat. I heard a "pow!" and thought something had been thrown from the roadway onto the undercarriage, because the truck still felt like it drove okay. I've avoided that patch of road for a little while, hoping the road hazard has been removed by now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 11:20 AM

OOOOOOOOOOOOH! Practical microbiology! Goes alone with my practical chemistry. (Chemistry, as I explained to my niece, consists only of fires, explosions, and stinks.)

I wonder if any of the drivers of those whizzing cars stopped and asked Amos if he knew he had a flat tire. When that's been asked of me I found it very, very helpful since I was COMPLETELY unaware of the flat and was simply taking the spare, the jack and other stuff out of the truck because I'd suddenly wondered, as I was driving along the Interstate, whether or not I actually had them in the car.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 10:07 AM

Speaking of drink, the room is about to be filled with the rich aroma of bubbling malt and hops. It's practical microbiology day, as I am running out of beer.....

Hurray, Hurray, it's brewing day,
outdoor Se
Better beer begins today!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:36 AM

I'm worried because the experience leaves him wanting a drink. Not what I would expect from experiencing car whizzing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:27 AM

Better they should be whizzing NEXT to him rather than ON him.

I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:23 AM

You shouldn't have been hanging out near the Automobile Lavatory if you didn't want cars whizzing next to you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:20 AM

There's probably a water cooler right down the hall.

I was commissioned some years ago to write a song. A young man named something like Mac Dagger asked me to write a song for his group and how they couldn't satisfy their needs. He wanted "something gritty" and I said I'd do it. Anyway, I wrote the following, which has had some success:

I can't get a triple latte,
I can't get a triple latte,
And I try, and I'll pay, and I'll pay!
I can't git any
I can't git any...."


Perhaps you've heard it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 09:14 AM

Every morning at seven o'clock
There are thirteen milkmaids drilling on the rock
And the boss comes around, and she says, real mean,
"Come down on yer drills for the Dairy Queen!"
And drill, ye milkmaids, drill!

And drill, milkmaids, drill!!
For you'll hammer and turn
For the milk in the urn,
Oh, drill, milkmaids, drill!!

Now the foreman gal was One-Eyed Sal
A bitch on the job but a poor man's pal,
She's scream at the milkmaids all the day
"DOn't ye bring in curds, if ye wants yer pay!"
And drill, milkmaids, drill.



Remaining verses left as an exercise for the student.

Mom, I had a flat tire going to work this morning and had to change it in the dark with nasty cars whizzing right by me,and now I want a drink.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 08:54 AM

I've tried dust, oranges, fruit, jello, cement, steel, polyethylene, styrofoam, vinyl, leather, naugahyde, PVC, copper, rocks, dirt, humus, rice, banannas, arsenic, drugs, balls, epees, fog, asphalt, and rubber. I really thought wood would work, but it still doesn't do it.

Shame, really. I think it could be a pretty nice song. If I could get it to work I think that Tom Paxton would be a natural for singing it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 08:24 AM

Gluon can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 06:41 AM

Yes, but who is driving? And can any of us think in enough dimensions to acually read the map?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Sep 06 - 01:51 AM

Jes' keep plugging, compadres. You will get where you really wanna go.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 11:11 PM

It's a lesson too late for the learnin'
Made of glass, made of glass,
In the blink of an eye my soul is turnin'
To my a..a..a..


ahem, maybe not. Back to the drawing board.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 11:05 PM

I wonder if it would make sense if my allergies weren't acting up?

Naw. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 09:28 PM

I've been writing a song, but I'm sort of stuck. Perhaps someone can suggest something. Here's what I have so far:

It's a lesson too late for the learnin'
Made of wood, made of wood,
In the blink of an eye my soul is turnin'
To the 'hood, to the 'hood.


Something's just not quite right about it -- it doesn't quite express what I want to say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 09:21 PM

Oh, to be in San Diego
Where you can drive a Winnebago
And e'en if you're a Pa,
And they make you eat coleslaw
You know that it's all right
To bet on a good cockfight
Right there in the plaza
(While your wife is kept in purdah)
For San Diego is the place
Where you can fill up your braincase
With the music of guitars
Strummed by politicians in peignoirs.

       -- Seamus O'Rostrokovich, Some Damned Good Poems I wrote
          (Dublin: St. James Infirmary Press, 1907)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Sep 06 - 08:34 PM

Oh to be in Scotland now,
Where the grass is all of silk,
Where rich men get to ride a cow,
And poor folks drill for milk,
Where all the trees grow lightning bugs
And the sheep all live in town.
I'm sure if I were there today,
My mind would calm right down!

Sassenach Departuy Lonagaow
Songs from the Hebrides Tea Farms
Whack O'Blarney Publications
Edinborough, 1927


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