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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 29 Jun 06 - 10:42 AM
Rapparee 29 Jun 06 - 08:05 AM
Acme 28 Jun 06 - 11:42 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jun 06 - 11:17 PM
Acme 28 Jun 06 - 10:41 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 06 - 10:23 PM
Amos 28 Jun 06 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 06 - 09:35 PM
Bunnahabhain 28 Jun 06 - 06:14 PM
Amos 28 Jun 06 - 05:13 PM
Bunnahabhain 28 Jun 06 - 05:05 PM
MMario 28 Jun 06 - 04:16 PM
Acme 28 Jun 06 - 04:13 PM
Amos 28 Jun 06 - 04:02 PM
MMario 28 Jun 06 - 01:55 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 06 - 01:53 PM
MMario 28 Jun 06 - 01:52 PM
Amos 28 Jun 06 - 01:49 PM
MMario 28 Jun 06 - 01:29 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 06 - 01:18 PM
MMario 28 Jun 06 - 12:52 PM
Rapparee 28 Jun 06 - 12:22 PM
Bunnahabhain 28 Jun 06 - 10:02 AM
MMario 28 Jun 06 - 09:48 AM
Bunnahabhain 28 Jun 06 - 09:45 AM
MMario 28 Jun 06 - 08:29 AM
Bunnahabhain 28 Jun 06 - 06:49 AM
Rapparee 28 Jun 06 - 01:35 AM
Rapparee 28 Jun 06 - 12:19 AM
Amos 27 Jun 06 - 11:43 PM
Acme 27 Jun 06 - 08:51 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 06 - 08:49 PM
Acme 27 Jun 06 - 08:48 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 06 - 08:47 PM
Acme 27 Jun 06 - 08:46 PM
Acme 27 Jun 06 - 08:46 PM
Acme 27 Jun 06 - 08:45 PM
Acme 27 Jun 06 - 08:45 PM
Acme 27 Jun 06 - 08:44 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 06 - 08:44 PM
Amos 27 Jun 06 - 08:37 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 06 - 08:37 PM
Amos 27 Jun 06 - 08:27 PM
Amos 27 Jun 06 - 08:24 PM
Amos 27 Jun 06 - 08:17 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jun 06 - 08:05 PM
GUEST,SRS 27 Jun 06 - 07:51 PM
Amos 27 Jun 06 - 07:40 PM
Rapparee 27 Jun 06 - 06:51 PM
MMario 27 Jun 06 - 04:28 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 06 - 10:42 AM

* All of your passwords and cookies will disapper.
* Your souffles will always fall.
* Your dog will forget who you are.
* Suddenly, you will remember everything that you've tried to forget.
* You'll receive a message from God that says, "Ah, ya know, I've had to revoke your forgiveness. Clerical error. Sorry."
* You're going to get a draft notice and they won't accept excuses.
* Congratulations! The twins are fine! Does your wife know?

Yes, the Curse of 13031 is one of the bad ones. Hope you're ready.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jun 06 - 08:05 AM

Be very, very afraid. The Curse of 13031 has descended upon you. Here are a few things that will happen. This list is not inclusive and in no way can or should be construed as a complete list of what will happen, nor does it constitute a contract, either oral or written, express or implied. The Curse of 13031 is not responsible for any damage which may occur to either the cursed or anyone in the vicinity of the cursed, where vicinity includes (but is not limited to) the cursed continent of residency.

* your teeth will turn green and mossy.
* you will no longer be able to play the dobro.
* your picks will become blunted.
* your income tax return will be audited.
* none of your clothes will fit and you will attend church wrapped in a tablecloth.
* you will forget to install you upper plate when you meet the mayor.
* your spade will never dig.
* your sow will never pig.
* each hair of your wig will be well thrashed with the flail.
* faeries will dunk you in river and lake.
* you will experience the BSD.
* FUD will haunt you all your remaining days.
* you will enter "format C:" at the root DOS prompt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 11:42 PM

You lucky devil, you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 11:17 PM

"13031" A most exquisite palindrome!

Don't just read it, say it out loud! "One-three-oh-three-one"! See what I mean?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 10:41 PM

I recognized it immediately, our late, lamented Superconducting Super Collider. Near Waxahatchie. Great idea, but then they sunk it. What short-sighted folks they were.

Must do laundry; Moonglow went to her first day of her first job today and now she needs to wash her DQ shirt for tomorrow. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 10:23 PM

Well, I hate to brag about Pocatello, but if you would really and truly like to mess with linear accelerators....

Let me know when you're coming and I'll see what music stuff is on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 09:57 PM

I didn't mean the incomplete accelerator. I meant the one before that.

The Texas Goddess and I oncet had a conversation about that bizarre accelerator and the town that went with it...and I wrote her a choon on it...


G                                                                A
Well, I'd like to tell you buddy, 'bout a place called Boz,
D7                               G
Cutest little town that ever there was,
G                                       A
It had farms and a feedstore and a real pharmacy
A7                      D7                         G
And a drive in movie just for makin' free
B7                                           E7
It had one gas station and a funny old name
A7                      D7          G
A sweet little town on the plain.
                  G                         C                   D7
(Spoken: Nice place to raise up some kinda kids, yeah...)

Chorus:
G    E7                            Am
You can't get to Boz from here anymore
D7                                                       G
They tore down the schoolhouse and the corner drugstore
G             E7                                 Am
There's a twenty mile tunnel running underground
D7                                              G
And nothing but memory left of town
B7                                        E7
So don't bother asking for the town that was,

       A7                  D7         G
You can't get from here to Boz!

Now there ain't no explaining how some things come around,
The Feds put their attention on this little Texas town,
And they came and explained how they would help those folks along
With a supercollider that was twenty miles long!
A giant concrete tunnel underneath their farms
Where scientists would study all them bosons and charms!

(Spoken: "Yes, suh!! I'm from the gommint, an' I'm here to help ya!!"

Chorus

Now,the town fathers said it was a heck of a plan
And they voted it in to the very last man
They had Federal dollars flooding their dreams
And they came up with a thousand Super Collider schemes
They planned a Super Collider rib joint and a Super Collider Inn
And a Subatomic Lauindromat to wash yer socks in


(Spoken: Then they up an' built thet that Billion Dollar Boondoggle Bowling Lanes establishment!!)

Chorus

So the Feds built the tunnel and it's down there to this day
Underneath the long abandoned farms where folks moved away
It seems the first billiion all got spent on the plans
And the cost of that tunnel, well it got out of hand
And before those atoms started running in rings
The Feds put their thoughts onto other things

(Spoken: Like a new Super Computer Center, right outside of Penobscot, Maine)

Then the money dried up, and they'd filled in the wells,
And the real estate values started sliding toward hell,
And the three thousand scientists just moved away
And they all got jobs out in San Jose
And the cinema ands as station are dry as tombs
And the tunnel's full of green mushrooms!

(Spoken: So the Army stuidied out what they could learn from all this ya know. It taught 'em a thing or two. 'Bout the fine art of digging big ditches and fillin' 'em in again!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 09:35 PM

I know what it is! I know what it is!...and it's a damned shame it was never finished.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 06:14 PM

No, not quite wet enough for that. I'll give you a clue. It would really have wound Gluon up.......


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 05:13 PM

I think that is (the last picture) a sacrificial cenote from deep in the Mayan territory of the Yucatan peninsula. As I recall, these were used for disposing of sacrifical virgins who had the great honor of giving up their lives for the good of the community in order to placate the rasty deities.

Fortunately, no-one I know qualifies...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 05:05 PM

A derailleur is the mechanism that shifts the chain from side to side, so changing gear. It's several solid bits of metal, so it one of the many, many things you don't want to go though the spokes of a bike.

Nice pictures.
Not quite so pretty , but somewhere near Stilly, If they'd ever finished it, not a good place to be standing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 04:16 PM

that last one is really neat!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 04:13 PM

Bunn, is that a bike or a car with that damage? I don't know what the derailleur is (though when I dropped the word into Google, where I'd been doing an image search, this popped up). A bike, apparently. Looks like the wrong hardware for a rickshaw.

I was in fact looking for a good image of the earthly orifice I could stand to swim or drop into.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 04:02 PM

An' that was how come they passed local laws pro-HIBitin' the installation of reins on them there autyomoghbiles.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 01:55 PM

It was shortly after that the local hotel named one of their cliffside luxery suites after him, correct? I remember seeing it advertised the 'Grand Canyon Suite'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 01:53 PM

Out hyar in the West, sonny boy, we-uns take anything that'll mess up yer ride in one of them aughtymobeels right seriously. They ain't like a good hoss. A good hoss'll git ya home drunk er sober. Canyon Slim was useta his hoss carryin' him home to the bunkhouse after he'd been elbow bendin' in town. Ol' Canyon would nod off at the reins and ol' Thundermug would take him back to his bunk. Did everything but tuck ol' Canyon Slim in and kiss him good night, that horse did. Then one day he switched to one of them Model A's, fell asleep, and that danged buggy drove itself and Canyon Slim offen a thousand foot cliff. Ruint the car, but the dead buffalo at the bottom cushioned the fall enough that Canyon survived. The doc in town said he had brain damage, but nobody could tell the before and after.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 01:52 PM

well, despite the gravity of the situation you can see the attraction a blackhole might have for a pothole. I'm sure they when their event horizons meshed it would have been space-warping for both of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 01:49 PM

We had a small local pothole that did that. It was a scandal, I don't mind telling you. It had been relatively well-behaved but one night, I guess, it got confused, and ended up pregnant.

It never did admit who the perpetrator was, but we have reason to believe it was a black hole from out by Aldebaran. There's something irresistible about 'em.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 01:29 PM

two of them thar "potholes" look like cracks in the sidewalk to me; and one of 'em definately's dead; you can tell by the way the juices have leaked out all over its cavity.

The last one looks pregnent tho' - better watch out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 01:18 PM

Ones like this, and this,
and this, and this, and this one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 12:52 PM

what kind of wimpy potholes do they have out your way, Rapaire? Round here the yearlings and older ones routinely chomp up semis and greyhound buses. There are even rumours of the Mother of All Potholes (also known as MOAP that suppossedly gulps down entire AMTRAK trains as a light snack.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 12:22 PM

Good damn reason to drive a car. Big car. A Ford Excessive or a Chevy Leviathan or one of them new Humblers from GM. Each of 'em flattens down the road enough that the potholes all level out, and once you're past the road springs back the way it was so lesser people have potholes.   And they get good mileage, too: like 35 mpg* on the highway.

















*Meters per gallon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 10:02 AM

That would explain it. I do have a solution, and I think it's just about ready. There's 40 pints of it, and it smells like best bitter, so hopefully tastes like it too...

Eat, drink and make merry, for tomorrow we diet!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 09:48 AM

it's breeding season, potholes are partularly hungry at this time, and can be quite vicious.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 09:45 AM

Crunch
Bugger

CRUNCH!!!


Bugger


For some reason, probably connected with a pothole, my rear derailleur just decided to jump through the spokes of the rear wheel. Both lost. There's £50 pounds of parts as a minimum needed, and workshop time will be twice that...


Loud metallic crunches and sudden stops are not what you want, especially not at speed, with impatient traffic just behind you. And to top it off, the shop I'd just gone to find was shut.

Hope everyone else is having a better day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 08:29 AM

it's contagious!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 06:49 AM

When there is an international shortage of over the top phrases, and pseudo 16th century english is almost exausted, then we will know where to look for the last reserves. Not the politicians, or the struttings tstrs of Hollywood, But Idaho! Her liberies shall be the last shining beacon of vebosity and Rapaire the champion of....

Ah. I'm doing it too now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 01:35 AM

Onward, onward, to 15K!
Onward, onward we sing!
Beyond 15 lies 20 and more
It is nothing, it means not a thing.

Dear MOAB commands us,
BS drives us on,
Courage and Truth are our keys,
Tho' freds roil around us,
Tho' our foes us assail,
We shall never fall to our knees!

Through blistering hail and shivering sun,
Through floods, tempest, and quake
Dear MOAB stills call us,
We shall answer her call
Tho' we've nothing to eat but a hake.

Then onward! And upward! On to 200K!
Three hundred! A billion or more!
MOAB commands us and we shall obey
And BS will live evermore!!

         -- Chauncey Kincaid, Poems Old and New, 1903.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 06 - 12:19 AM

And she did it all alone! Bravely pushing forward where no man dared to go, holding high her banner (reading, of course, "Exclesior!"), wading through shoulder-deep swamp water crawling with water moccasins and alligators, sleet driving against her skin like needles from a high pressure hose, her eyebrows and hair brittle with rime, fighting off exhaustion tho' every step bid her lay down and surrender to the arms of Morpheus, rappelling down cliffs thousands of feet high with only a bit of fishing line instead of rope, the Mongol Hordes releasing their swarms of poison-tipped arrows, she won through and posted the 13,000th post!

Mom is proud of you. You may have dessert.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 11:43 PM

Bravo, boys, and here's to the fair and frabjous Daughter of Folk who carried us over the top. Halloo, caloo, callay, a frabjous day! What would we do without that Sage?

Thanks, Maggie! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:51 PM

Filing that last report from the department of redundancy department. Now off to cook the rest of the meal. Then back to my computer stuff. Good thing it's so hot out that I don't want to go outdoors or anything. Tomorrow evening should be different--I'm getting my attic ceiling (the bottom of the decking) painted with a special paint to reflect 75% of the heat. I'm looking forward to that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:49 PM

Your dogs slobber in tents? I don't want them camping with me then.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:48 PM

Geez, Louise. You want sompin' done, you gotta do it yourself.

Don't bother the dogs if you come over for dinner. This time of year their slobber is so intense you have to wash your hands for ages before you can get it off of your hands.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:47 PM

I'm working on the house, getting it in some sort of shape before Pat gets home. Gotta throw out the old cigar butts and empty Thunderbird bottles, get the thongs off the ceiling fan, stuff like that.

Her plane was delayed leaving BWI and she may miss her connection from SLC, that would put her in sometime after midnight.

That's okay though. She really, really needs to get back here before she goes back to DC in, hopefully, two weeks or so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:46 PM

You're heavy, MOM!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:46 PM

Lifting lifting lifting. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:45 PM

As soon as we move all of the computer paraphernalia off of it, that is. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:45 PM

I'll have the kids set extra spots at the table.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:44 PM

I finished cooking the rice and making the guacamole (to freeze) and pretty soon I have to put the chops on and stir fry the rice. Aren't you all eating dinner tonight?

Cold water, Rap, even works on duck dogs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:44 PM

That damned duckdog has left piles of...antimatter...everywhere! Why in the world can't that malhound be Universe-broken? Wait, no, the Heisenberg stuff just kicked in and the piles and puddles are gone without a trace. Stupid critter damned near gave me a heart attack.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:37 PM

And when I go, and write no more
And the burden must be shiftin'
I'll go in peace, for I know I've done
My share of heavy lifting.
I've stirred and hauled and lifted Mom,
And fed her fine compost
And I hope I'm still around to see
That holy, bright milepost --
The Thirteen Thousandth Post.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:37 PM

That's pretty danged good, Amos. I'm not trying for the Big 13K, but holy shit Gluon stop humpin' my leg you goddamn horny

Quark! Quark!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:27 PM

Just nine were left, but not a soul
Of those whom Mother raised
Could think of anything to say
They were numbed, and dulled, and fazed.
And even Gluon, bless his soul,
For all his verve and spark
Could not, for those who mattered most,
Raise up a single Quark
Or a Thirteen Thousandth post!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:24 PM

Sweet Laura sang, and faded off,
And MM took up the cross.
"We're only ten to go! To fail,
Would be a bitter loss!"
So he dreamed about a drummer boy
Who dined on cheap pork roast.
And posted that. But still none saw
The Thirteen Thousandth Post.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:17 PM

Then up stepped sour Little Hawk
ANd he tried hard to sashay!
"You're all depraved! Your work is dross!"
He started out to say.
He thought he'd bring in Shatner
Or his fat and shimmering ghost.
But for the talk of Little Hawk,
Of Deity, grace, and Host,
Not a single saw had seen a trace
Of that Thirteen Thousandth post.

The gracious form of Still was seen
All svelte and shapely looking
But she had no time for foolish rhymes,
When dinner needed cooking.
So the town-folk stood in dull respect,
In cyber-cold glasznost
And wondered who or what might bring
The end to thir imposte --
That Thirteen Thousandth Post.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 08:05 PM

The only thing that can redeem this cesspool of depravity and uninspired dross is a visit from Mr Shatner. That's what I'm thinking.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,SRS
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 07:51 PM

I'm back home, MOM, but on the other computer. Glad to see these guys haven't gotten too stirred up. I have to go start cooking the rice. Moonglow has finished washing it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 07:40 PM

strain thou thouself,
Surely you mean strain thee, thyself, (or thine own self)

but e'en rupture thou!

Perhaps "rupture thee" might do better

And then thou will find not only that thou are weeping

Normal usage requires "thou art"

and gnashing teeth but lying in the roadsides, and in the gutters, and amidst whitened sepulchres, busily straining out gnats and swallowing camels!

Mayhap straining at gnats?

Woe to ye, I say, and woe unto the womb that bore thee and the breasts that gave thee suck, suckers!

Prefer "ye" so the plurals are in agreement.

and the men amongst thou won't care for that one little bit!

One can only assume "amongst you" is intended.

And thou wilt suffer the fire that is never quenched and the beer that quenches not, unless thou restoreth unto Mother the quality that is verily and truly her due!

Prefer "quencheth not".


So kneel and beg her forgiveness and promise never to do it again and maybe, just maybe, Mother will let you have dessert tonight.

Why bother -- it's just desserts?

And they strove and strained and overbore,
And bored e'en overmore
And gnashed their teeth and rambled far,
And hissed and cursed and swore.
And each one vowed he would peak the lot,
Each one would post the most!
But the dust went down, and the darkling town,
Still lacked what they sought the most --
The Thirteen Thousandth Post!

Then up did step our bold Rapaire
With vim and vigor shining,
ANd he loudly said he'd do the trick
With Elizabethan whining
But he botched the case, and the nouns and verbs
And the "thees" and "thines" were toast
And when he lay down, pale from his round,
No-one had seeen the ghost
Of the Thirteen Thousandth Post!

Fair Bunnhabain took up the train,
And spouted like a swivel
But he torched his soul at the firing hole
ANd what came forth was drivel.
ANd the rest of the crowd stood and sighed aloud,
And the air bore ne'er a boast
For though deep the night, there was never a sight
From the rivers to the coast,
Of that Thirteen Thousandth Post!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 06:51 PM

Oh, how the quality has fallen! Woe unto ye, ye who drag the quality of BS through a sieve so that it is strained! For MOAB will surely not only strain thou thouself, but e'en rupture thou! And then thou will find not only that thou are weeping and gnashing teeth but lying in the roadsides, and in the gutters, and amidst whitened sepulchres, busily straining out gnats and swallowing camels! Woe to ye, I say, and woe unto the womb that bore thee and the breasts that gave thee suck, suckers! For in that time ye shall have no recourse but to be numbered amidst the sheep and goats awaiting branding, for with the branding comes the cutting and the men amongst thou won't care for that one little bit! And thou wilt suffer the fire that is never quenched and the beer that quenches not, unless thou restoreth unto Mother the quality that is verily and truly her due!

So kneel and beg her forgiveness and promise never to do it again and maybe, just maybe, Mother will let you have dessert tonight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Jun 06 - 04:28 PM

fifteen


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