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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 20 Sep 14 - 10:40 AM
GUEST,Amos 20 Sep 14 - 10:00 AM
gnu 20 Sep 14 - 05:23 AM
Rapparee 19 Sep 14 - 09:29 PM
gnu 19 Sep 14 - 06:56 PM
Acme 19 Sep 14 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 14 - 09:26 AM
gnu 19 Sep 14 - 07:36 AM
Rapparee 18 Sep 14 - 10:02 PM
gnu 18 Sep 14 - 08:43 AM
Rapparee 18 Sep 14 - 07:26 AM
gnu 18 Sep 14 - 05:15 AM
Rapparee 17 Sep 14 - 09:53 PM
Acme 17 Sep 14 - 06:25 PM
Rapparee 17 Sep 14 - 09:43 AM
gnu 17 Sep 14 - 08:44 AM
gnu 17 Sep 14 - 05:16 AM
gnu 16 Sep 14 - 07:02 PM
Acme 16 Sep 14 - 06:29 PM
Rapparee 16 Sep 14 - 04:57 PM
gnu 16 Sep 14 - 03:46 PM
Rapparee 16 Sep 14 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 15 Sep 14 - 10:02 PM
gnu 15 Sep 14 - 05:59 PM
Rapparee 15 Sep 14 - 02:55 PM
Acme 15 Sep 14 - 01:42 PM
gnu 14 Sep 14 - 06:39 PM
Rapparee 14 Sep 14 - 12:42 PM
gnu 13 Sep 14 - 01:43 PM
Acme 13 Sep 14 - 12:08 PM
Rapparee 13 Sep 14 - 10:56 AM
gnu 12 Sep 14 - 02:09 PM
Amos 12 Sep 14 - 01:24 PM
Amos 12 Sep 14 - 01:19 PM
Rapparee 12 Sep 14 - 10:39 AM
gnu 12 Sep 14 - 05:05 AM
gnu 12 Sep 14 - 04:58 AM
Rapparee 11 Sep 14 - 11:26 PM
Acme 11 Sep 14 - 04:20 PM
Rapparee 11 Sep 14 - 08:36 AM
gnu 11 Sep 14 - 04:52 AM
Rapparee 10 Sep 14 - 09:54 PM
Acme 10 Sep 14 - 09:40 PM
Rapparee 10 Sep 14 - 09:11 AM
Ebbie 09 Sep 14 - 11:38 PM
Rapparee 09 Sep 14 - 10:31 PM
Acme 09 Sep 14 - 07:01 PM
Rapparee 09 Sep 14 - 09:17 AM
gnu 09 Sep 14 - 04:01 AM
Ebbie 09 Sep 14 - 12:45 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Sep 14 - 10:40 AM

Glad to hear you are out of gaol, A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 20 Sep 14 - 10:00 AM

Good morning, friends and neighbors. It is a lovely, balmy morning in the heart of the Southland, the banks of the beautiful Eno River in the great state of Nawth Carolina. I am visiting with the charming and gracious Dani, and in a few days we will be blessed with the Arrival of Immanence Incarnate in the person of Brother Joe Offer, at which point we will trundle up to DC and visit the Library of Congress with the refulgent spirit of All Things Bawdy, the unforgettable Abby Sales. There is no telling what sort of trouble we will get into, and I trust Mistr R will keep the Legionnaires on ready alert to launch a rescue operation in the eventualityu that the nation's capitol requires rescuing on short notice.

I remain, your devoted sibling,

Brother A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Sep 14 - 05:23 AM

Where?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 14 - 09:29 PM

27 cm. of snow with winds at 52 kph. tonight, tomorrow will be sunny and 21.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Sep 14 - 06:56 PM

Well, you must be a wimp too. Every time I post the weather for here in my neck, I get called a wimp whether I like the weather or not. I am beginning to think it's about something else than weather. Normal people talk about the weather. Others slag you for for for... why do I get slagged for weather reports?

Frost again tonight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Sep 14 - 03:34 PM

It was a gentle warm drizzle this morning here in North Texas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 14 - 09:26 AM

Wimp. Ours came three weeks ago. There's even been snow up in them thar hills.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Sep 14 - 07:36 AM

Sunny 1°C Feels like -3 Wind NW 15 km/h Humidity 78%

First frost!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 14 - 10:02 PM

Well, if you take his Internet connections away Amos starts with the shakes, then seizures, vomiting, chills, sweats, more vomiting, diarrhea, urinary incontinence, personality disorders, homicidal mania, depression, buboes, chancres, pimples, whole-body rashes, edema, and eventually death. In the last case he can be restored by placing a working, connected iPhone 6 or whatever the current model is in his cold dead hands.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Sep 14 - 08:43 AM

Musta broke out ta post on FB... an addiction unto itself or a medium for such.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 14 - 07:26 AM

Seven to ten years for breathing the exhaust fumes of a bakery. Them Californicater laws about drugs are tough!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Sep 14 - 05:15 AM

Cold air along with a ridge of high pressure will move over the Maritimes on Friday. Temperatures are expected to drop to near zero degrees Celcius for Southern New Brunswick and possibly below the freezing point for Northern areas.

Gaol eh? Can't retreat much more than that. Lots of time to read and contemplate the Meaning of Liff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 14 - 09:53 PM

Mom told me she'd vote 'Not Proven.'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 14 - 06:25 PM

MOM sez she would vote YES tomorrow if she was in Scotland. Just so they know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 14 - 09:43 AM

Brother Amos has, I understand, gone on a Retreat And Spiritual Renewal thingie. He is somewhere in the Superstition Mountains contemplating his toes (he doesn't have a navel because his mother rejected him at birth) and thinking Deep Thoughts. Of course, he might also be in jail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Sep 14 - 08:44 AM

Where's A? Too much party on his Bday?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Sep 14 - 05:16 AM

Me troat be taught and scratchy on the day an I only sung a half dozen songs. Well, stumbled through them. Had to look up the lyrics for two of em.

I have a box of 2X4 joist hangers, 3 dozen or so, if anybody wants to build something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Sep 14 - 07:02 PM

Yeah... they don't taste good after being stuck for a few days and starting to rot in yer mouth from bacterial attack. Kinda makes ya wanna spit em out.

Two sleeps hence, early morn is to be at 0C. That'll put the frost to the bulls' balls. Such has been discussed in a FB group I found. 8652 memnbers. Buncha good ol boys and gals what likes ta hunt n fish in these here parts. But, I shake my head... not a lot a real advisin and teachin and lyin and such. Mostly down and dirty "modern" huntin tactics like trailcams, licks, "treats", scents... fuck! If they could buy drones to drop ADMs, they'd do it. Not like it was when the old folk taught me. Not like it was...

I remember the old folk
All now dead and gone
And likewise my two brothers
Young Dennis and John
How we ran o'er the heather
The wild hare to pursue
And the proud deer we hunted

In the Maaaaa-yyyyyy Morninnnnng-ahhhh Dewwwww.

Damn I am in fine voice tonight! Such a rare occasion these past ten years. Musta been the jus. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Sep 14 - 06:29 PM

Played hooky today, aka sick leave. Went to 2 dentists to learn that while they can see a tender spot on my gum, it isn't much to worry about. Go in for a deep cleaning in a couple of months if it persists. I'm just glad it doesn't seem to be anything like a popcorn kernel skin jammed in so hard it has to be removed surgically. Yuck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 14 - 04:57 PM

Good soup? Yah want good soup? Try this rich 'n' tasty favorite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Sep 14 - 03:46 PM

Less than 1/2 of the jus from yesterday's blade roast just went into a soup. Gosh it's good soup.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 14 - 09:28 AM

I've got a knife based on the USMC knife of WW2. I think it's called a FUBAR.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 14 - 10:02 PM

Life is FUBAR.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Sep 14 - 05:59 PM

Found em. Fixed my old sunglasses. Life has returned to snafu but it's familiar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Sep 14 - 02:55 PM

They'll turn up on one of the limbs you pruned, just as you dump the load over a cliff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Sep 14 - 01:42 PM

I can tell you that you'll find them in the last place you look. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Sep 14 - 06:39 PM

I found it! I musta knocked it outta the frame of my Fitover Sunglasses when I was loading pruned apple tree braches into my utility trailer. I looked for it for over an hour in total to no avail. As I was loading branches into my truck just now, lo and behold, there was the right lens of my sunglasses. Saved me $85!

Now, if I could just find me specs, I could get the lens back in my sunglasses. You seen my specs?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Sep 14 - 12:42 PM

Mom! Stop hanging at the bottom listening for a volcano to erupt! That's just gas in Amos' tummy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Sep 14 - 01:43 PM

There goes the PG rating.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Sep 14 - 12:08 PM

Hey, Rap, over in the surgery thread you said you helped Pat take her shower at the rehab place when they didn't help her. I hope you managed to embarrass the staff there - did you both climb in the shower together to do the soap (but keep the bandage dry) bit? :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Sep 14 - 10:56 AM

This here's a translation fer them that don't know no Francase (that there's French fer French):

Oui, oui, c'est moi!
Yes, yes, it's [all about] me!
Lui qui vive hors de la loi!
Him who lives with wounds from the law*!
Qui me connait ne m'aime pas
Who knows me don't like (love) me much
Parce que toujours, c'est moi, c'est moi!
Because always, it's [all about] me, it's [all about] me!

*"wounds of the law": multiple felony convictions.

Yup, Amos, that's one of them there "accurate self assessments".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 02:09 PM

If yer gonna talk like that, bonne fête mon amis.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 01:24 PM

Three score and nine years ago our mother brought forth upon the city of New York
A New Entity, dedicated to the proposition that this one man, at least, would be created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil celebration rejoicing that man, or any man so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.

Here's to the music that binds our weary souls together with the souls of the truly great: Sisyphus and Prometheus.

And here's to the illusions and delusions that keep us going as the weary sphere of Gaia rolls on toward her ultimate destiny.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 01:19 PM

Oui, oui, c'est moi!
Lui qui vive hors de la loi!
Qui me connait ne m'aime pas
Parce que toujours, c'est moi, c'est moi!

Dedicated to Rapparee, my favorite solipsist of them all!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 10:39 AM

Oh, him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 05:05 AM

DOH! Forgot about the birthday boy. Happies atchya A! I shall sing and swallow a few in your honour, A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 04:58 AM

I think the boss hog is Alberta. 8" of **** in the south. Could be rough getting the grains in. AB and SK produce a heckova lotta grains.

I hope today is a good day for Pat and you, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Sep 14 - 11:26 PM

We have a freeze warning tonight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Sep 14 - 04:20 PM

MOM, it looks like Rap is keeping all of the cold air up in Idaho, and Montana is hogging some of it. None of it got here last night and the weatherman promised!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Sep 14 - 08:36 AM

She's on a "regular" diet, which includes a pretty darn good beef stew, sirloin steak, bacon, turkey breast, meatloaf, mashed potatoes, ice cream, dinner rolls, butter, sourdough bread, and similar stuff. There's even a menu!

Problem is, with little exercise there's little need for intake. The best SWAGs are that the headache pain is causing the BP to go up, which causes more headache, etc.

Prayer ain't the basic problem: she's on LDS, Catholic, Baptist, Unitarian, Lutheran, Muslim, and Wiccan 'Prayer Lists' and of course the 'Cat. And those are the ones I know about.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Sep 14 - 04:52 AM

From t'other thread... Good to hear the insurance has been sorted. Hope things move along smoothly, swiftly and successfully.

Re hospital food, if her BP is high, part of the therapy is diet. "Regular" hospital meals are prepared with a number of factors taken into account, just one of which is the lack of mobility and level of physical activity of most inmates. Ya don't feed a sedentary person baked beans and pancakes with maple slurpup due to calories/sugar and sheer bulk. If ya did, it would be a slow and possibly quite uncomfortable trip down the alimentary canal. Likewise, ya don't feed a person with high BP anything with a "normal" amount of salt so, right there, taste suffers. Hospital meals, prepared on an assembly line, are meant to be nutritious. Taste? Well, most inmates don't have a big appetite anyway.

I am sure Mike would forego sleep to prepare Pat's favourite culinary delight IF he was allowed but I doubt those in charge of her recovery would allow any deviation from the dietary regimen prescribed by the dietician.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 09:54 PM

Tomorrow, tomorrow, she may go to rehab tomorrow
The insurance approved it today. (Around 4:30 p.m. MDT)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 09:40 PM

It's slow in the beginning, but it gets better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 09:11 AM

Rehab: one to three weeks, hopefully starting today.

Contemplating your Naval: I understand that it seems like forever, and that's just the first hour. After that it gets worse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 11:38 PM

Sounds charming, Rap. I hope that is for just one week?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 10:31 PM

How To Simulate The Life Of A Sailor


    Buy a steel dumpster, paint it Haze Grey inside and out, and live in it for six months.
    Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.
    Repaint your entire house every month. Color choices: Haze Grey or Dark Grey
    Renovate your bathroom (and henceforth always refer to it as the "head"). Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub (or shower-stall) and move the showerhead to chest level. When you take a shower, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down. (Wet down, turn off water, soap down, Turn on water rinse down! Navy Shower) (Hollywood Showers are showers that last more than one(1) Minute)
    Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.
    Disassemble and inspect your lawn-mower every week.
    On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed. (call it "water hours")
    Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can't turn over without getting out and then getting back in. Put all your clothes under your mattress to press them!
    Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say "Sorry, wrong rack."
    Make your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house - dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc. (call it "PQS- Qualifications")
    Have your neighbor come over each day at 6 am, blow a whistle loudly, and shout "Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up."
    Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in your back yard at 6 am while she reads it to you. (call it "Morning Muster Call")
    Submit a request chit to your father-in-law requesting permission to leave your house before 3 pm. (call it "Early-Liberty")
    Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not. (Stop referring to the garbage bins as "SHIT-CAN's")
    Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering it to you. (call it "Mail Call")
    Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one. (call it "Movie Call")
    Make your family menu a week ahead of time without consulting the pantry or refrigerator.
    Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs or a horse cock sandwich . Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs. (Horse cock = BOLOGNA)
    Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly. Spread icing real thick to level it off.
    Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich OR HORSE COCK on stale bread. (Midrats = MIDNIGHT RATIONS)
    Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose. (call it "FIRE DRILL")
    Every week or so, throw your dog in the pool and shout, "Man overboard port side!" Rate your family members on how fast they respond.
    Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don't plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup "Stove manned and ready." After an hour or so, speak into the cup again "Stove secured." Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox. (SOUND-POWERED TELEPHONES)
    Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4 hour intervals. This is best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time. (call it "QUARTERDECK WATCH")
    When there is a thunderstorm in your area, get a wobbly rocking chair, sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous. Make sure to have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket and a bucket so you can puke in it.
    Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and allow the pot to simmer for 5 hours before drinking. Or go to boiler room for some BT (Boiler Tech) coffee made from feed water, nasty tasting stuff, but you get used to it, drinking hot coffee when it's 145 down there in front of the boilers, that's a cool day! In the Persian Gulf it gets hotter!
    Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears, and tell the barber just a little off the sides.
    Sew the back pockets of your jeans on the front.
    Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you are going to take them to Disney World for "liberty." At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip to Disney World has been canceled because they need to get ready for an inspection, and it will be another week before they can leave the house because you failed inspection, or you have ORI coming up.
    Have you wife press your skivvies, no starch!
    Get drunk and wind up in a tattoo parlor getting a tattoo on your wife's butt cheeks or a Choo Choo train coming out your butt hole.
    Eat your meal in less than 5 minutes to keep in practice, chewing not required!
    Shout out every time a women comes into your room, "female in quarters"!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 07:01 PM

It was a lovely moon over the State of Texas also last night. I stopped out for an admiring gaze just before I let the dogs in for the night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 09:17 AM

I remember stuff like that, Ebbie. Only after the schuckin' we'd burn all of the debris and a couple of the shuckers in honor of Cthulu so that he/she/it wouldn't show up. Ah, the dancing around the fire chanting, "Stay home, Great Cthulu, we're too good for you because we do a good deed every day, so stay home, okay?" and the other stuff afterwards...them was the days. Hmmm...I wonder...they probably failed to do that in DC and that's why...no, probably no...well....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 04:01 AM

"If the stars came out for just one night every 20 years no one would go to bed that night." Lovely! And the cornfields... lovely. Thanks, Ebbie.

I was just out moon gazing and, yes, it is a "supermoon". 5C now so I expect we'll see 4C before light. I'd say the bucks and the bulls are on the move... tis the season of love.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 12:45 AM

Last night I saw a Full Moon! (Here in southeast Alaska we can go months without seeing one.) It was gorgeous. Minded me of what I once read: If the stars came out for just one night every 20 years no one would go to bed that night.

In Virginia when I was a young'un those eons ago, at Harvest Moon a designated farmer would open his corn fields to the young folks of the church. Earlier, the farmer would lay the dry, stacked corn stalks on their sides and after dark young people would couple up (Gracious! That doesn't sound right)... er, young folks would pair off and work side by side in the dark shucking the corn. Jaded Mudcatters might not guess it but it was very romantic. Many a romance began those nights. Ah. It was a simpler time.


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