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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 21 Dec 04 - 12:12 PM
Leadfingers 21 Dec 04 - 07:46 PM
Amos 21 Dec 04 - 07:57 PM
Rapparee 21 Dec 04 - 08:08 PM
Acme 21 Dec 04 - 09:08 PM
Amos 21 Dec 04 - 11:16 PM
Acme 21 Dec 04 - 11:33 PM
Paco Rabanne 22 Dec 04 - 03:26 AM
Paco Rabanne 22 Dec 04 - 03:30 AM
Rapparee 22 Dec 04 - 09:24 AM
Rapparee 22 Dec 04 - 11:45 AM
GUEST,Tweed 22 Dec 04 - 02:17 PM
Amos 22 Dec 04 - 02:33 PM
Amos 22 Dec 04 - 02:34 PM
Rapparee 22 Dec 04 - 02:43 PM
MMario 22 Dec 04 - 02:47 PM
Acme 22 Dec 04 - 02:49 PM
Acme 22 Dec 04 - 07:32 PM
Rustic Rebel 23 Dec 04 - 01:10 AM
Acme 23 Dec 04 - 01:36 AM
Rustic Rebel 23 Dec 04 - 01:59 AM
Rustic Rebel 23 Dec 04 - 02:03 AM
Paco Rabanne 23 Dec 04 - 03:07 AM
Acme 23 Dec 04 - 11:36 AM
Acme 24 Dec 04 - 02:17 AM
Amos 26 Dec 04 - 11:22 PM
Acme 27 Dec 04 - 01:16 AM
Tweed 27 Dec 04 - 08:21 AM
GUEST,Rapaire 27 Dec 04 - 10:52 AM
Acme 27 Dec 04 - 01:36 PM
Amos 27 Dec 04 - 07:22 PM
Acme 27 Dec 04 - 08:02 PM
Amos 27 Dec 04 - 09:05 PM
Amos 27 Dec 04 - 09:27 PM
Acme 27 Dec 04 - 11:23 PM
Amos 28 Dec 04 - 08:30 AM
Rustic Rebel 28 Dec 04 - 11:21 AM
Acme 28 Dec 04 - 12:22 PM
Tweed 28 Dec 04 - 02:02 PM
Tweed 28 Dec 04 - 03:37 PM
Acme 28 Dec 04 - 04:58 PM
Acme 28 Dec 04 - 11:32 PM
Amos 29 Dec 04 - 12:25 AM
Acme 29 Dec 04 - 02:59 AM
Acme 29 Dec 04 - 11:43 AM
Rapparee 29 Dec 04 - 03:42 PM
Acme 29 Dec 04 - 04:58 PM
Tweed 29 Dec 04 - 05:34 PM
Amos 29 Dec 04 - 06:59 PM
Rapparee 29 Dec 04 - 08:31 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 12:12 PM

Of course it was easy. I set you up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Leadfingers
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 07:46 PM

I was working Ted !! Some of us still DO work you know !!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 07:57 PM

I have to say it is a downright disgrace, after all the work people put into taking care of Mother and watching her day and night and help[ing her grow, to have some half-baked interloper come galloping though here grabbing the best numbers on a whim, who never added nothing to the quality of the BS or kept Mother off the bottom or nothin'. Seems just plain wrong and disgraceful, you ask me.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 08:08 PM

So, Amos, what's your opinion?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 09:08 PM

It 'pears that us post counters created a monster of some sort, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 11:16 PM

AYe, there's the rub -- we who have done the creatin' gots likewise the responsibility for it. Always the way of it, innit? Sigh. It would be so much EASIER to blame, why can't we do that instead?

Maybe what we should do, I guess, is make one day a year a national irresponsibility event, where everyone gets to whine how it is all done to them, blame it on everyone from the Galactic Patrol down to the President and points south, if any, parents, associates, bosses, rogues of all positions and stations in life, and so on. Just 24 hours of non-stop finger pointing on that one day. After that, it all stops and it's all on one's own cognizance in the universe forevermore until next year.

Whaddya think? National Blame Day. Wodda Concept!! Glad I created it...if ti catches on like wildfire I yam gonna hate myself once a year... :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Dec 04 - 11:33 PM

You get over it faster if you don't blame other people--because you know you're blaming the wrong people and it sticks around with you longer. We'll just have to pull up our socks. . . and beat the SOB to the next big number!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:26 AM

Dream on hippies! I will ALWAYS be one jump ahead of you lot as far milestone posts are concerned.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 03:30 AM

PS see BS thread 'Christmas in Glaisdale' Why don't you all fly over and eat some endangered species with us? There's some great mountain biking on the moors too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 09:24 AM

Mountain bikes destroy the land. Their tracks scar the mountains and desert, the prairies and grasslands. These become channels for rain and runoff, carrying away the soil, and eventually become big erosion gullies. Just a couple of years ago a mountain biker left tracks on the surface of the fragile ecosystem, and you can see the result! Nasty things, mountain bikes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 11:45 AM

Besides, I've spoken with both my brother Ted and my nepehew Ted and both of them assure me that they a) don't like flamenco in the least and, b) no one named Ted is in any way associated with flamenco and so "flamenco Ted" cannot and does not exist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Tweed
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:17 PM

Hello...and Merry Christmas to all obv you BS'ers who've made this the oozing pile of nonstense that it is. And obv corse, expeshially to Joe Offer for allowing it to run it's path obv desfunction and stupidy.
I yam sarting that many obv you ain't above tipping a jug druing the festibv holidaise season and tharfore I thought mebbe a pubic sarvice bulletin should be issued and so I did!


Happy Holidays (from Tweedsblues.net)

Yores and regardez,
Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:33 PM

Tweed:

Which one is yew?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:34 PM

Deer friends,

I shall be off at Grandmother's House for Xmas. Take care of Mudder for me!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:43 PM

I shall endeavor to do my part, 'tho I shall be enduring the wilds of Washington, DC.

(Parenthetically -- notice the parentheses -- my Bequet caramels just came. I recommend them highly, and not just because 'Catter Alice works there. Find out all about them at www.bequetconfections.com.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:47 PM

I never realized you were a Parenthetic! your posts don't LOOK parenthetic - at least not normally.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 02:49 PM

Looks like some diligence will be called for with you two away! Have a good and safe trip, both of you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Dec 04 - 07:32 PM

This MOAB drops like a couple of tons of posts when everyone goes out of town for the holidays.

Woosh! (I have to use my own Mom superpowers to lift it)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:10 AM

I have never felt a love like I do for yews
Never have I known a pair of shoes, like I know yews
Never have I gone and layed myself out for yews
Never have I known a friend like yew.


Love and peace to yew all during this festive holiday sex fest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:36 AM

Does this mean you expect someone to raise taxus soon?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 01:59 AM

I tell you what Stilly, I am such a gullable type of person I'll say yea, without even knowing exactly what you mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 02:03 AM

P.S. That doesn't mean I still(y) don't love the sweet evergreen of the season.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 03:07 AM

Oi, Rapaire, you silly person! ' I drink, therefore I am' Get you and your butt over to Glaisdale, and I will take you for a bike ride over Glaisdale Rigg. Then we will see who exists or not!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Dec 04 - 11:36 AM

Taxus is the scientific (genus) name of yew. It's also a great name to use as a pun now and then.

flamenco ted, have you read the entire MOAB thread to be truly up to speed on the superior quality of the BS we are pushing posting here?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Dec 04 - 02:17 AM

I seem to be talking to myself today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Dec 04 - 11:22 PM

Oh, thank you, ladies, for maintaining the scintillation of the palpitation of the Mother. I was so worried I drove 80 all the way back from Yuma.

Well, part of the way, anyway...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 01:16 AM

Amos, I'm glad to see that you jumped in to bring the Mother back up to the top so quickly. I had a phone call come in just as I discovered Mudcat back on line, and couldn't talk and type at the same time. Whew!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 08:21 AM

MOAB is lagging I see, so it is time to bring out the big guns.
Tharfore, I present to you a present direct from the mirrored recordianating studios (az seen on Miami Vice) of TweedTowers LLC.

A Badly Recordianated Christmas Carole...for CarolC and Beedubya, the Knower of one or more Things


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 10:52 AM

Here I sit so broken hearted
Came to DC and found out that Bush was still president.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 01:36 PM

So the "and only farted" part of the rhyme is true--he's still there, a fart embodied as president of the U.S. What a shame.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 07:22 PM

Here I sit, semiotic
Our President's a plain psychotic.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 08:02 PM

It's a sign of the times, Amos!

Ducks and runs, in case other lit folks are in the room . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 09:05 PM

I think that's a half-truth, or perhaps a half-sign. Anyway, there is a fine line between semi-Autic and semi-autistic.

I think Autic means "like an Aut", a polar animal loosely related to the narwhal.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 09:27 PM

Not to be confused with a Nought, of which there is no Semi. The concept is untenable, similar to a "Divide by zero" error.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 04 - 11:23 PM

You Ought to know. . . ought!

Seems to be time to do a little magic writing here at the MOAB.

Just pulling your leg, Amos!


.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 08:30 AM

There is something profound about Oughts and Noughts; they shake up the world of mathematic apparent reliability just as badly as a misplaced infinity does. Very innerestin', Olive!

A

'S awright, Mag, I got another one on this side....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 11:21 AM

Tweed, I am awed by your quick learning ability on that there squeeze box of yours. Thanks for the morning smile, and thoughts of no silent nights when your playing that thing.
Rustic

P.S. Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and now looking forward to the merriment of new years eve.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 12:22 PM

I'm surprised that link of Tweed's hasn't brought CarolC back to the fold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 02:02 PM

I am surprised that MOABITES everywhere have not jumped on my accordian skills, or lack thereobv and generated a huge influx of excellent BS!!!
BeeDubya's absence can only mean that after listening to my accordianated "Silent Nite", he has thrown himself into his kiln with the gas turned on.

MOAB IS DYING,DYING, DYING......O!!!...I'VE RECENTLY LEARNED THAT KHANDU HAS DELETED HIS ENTIRE COMPUTER AND NOW AMOS IS BABBLING ABOUT OTTS AND NOTTS.
And Rawpears is in DC smelling the President's chair!! Can it get no worse? I think not!

The end is near!!! The only thing left in my arsenal is a paint-by-numbers portrait of Bill Shatner in female clown garb, done by Red Skelton. I pray that I do not have to use it as it could put Liddle Hawrg into weeks of self abusement and flagellation. It will remain a last resort, but I beg you all to PLEASE, PLEASE, copy and paste the ingredients to Bon-Ami or....any other household cleanser....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 03:37 PM

Flies





On most dairy farms, five species of flies are predominant.

   House Flies--These flies do not bite; however, they can be very irritating. House flies prefer organic material containing 40% to 70% moisture (such as BS) to breed. These flies carry many different pathogens, and easily transmit disease.

   Stables Flies--Unlike similar looking house flies, stable flies bite. Females require blood to reproduce. Males also draw blood from animals.

   Mudcat Flies--These biting, blood sucking flies lay their eggs in fresh cow manure. Horn flies look like miniature house flies and are extremely irritating, causing cattle production losses due to energy and time spent fighting (stamping, tail switching, etc.).

   MOAB Flies--These flies also resemble house flies, but are usually found on pastured cows. Face flies lay their eggs in very fresh manure. Face flies are not capable of biting; however, they feed on secretions commonly found on the faces of cattle, such as around the eyes. The face fly is most noted for transmitting pink eye.

   Horse Flies--In comparison to other flies, horse flies are very large. Although horse fly numbers are generally low, it only takes a few to cause extreme agitation among animals due to their painful bites.

Fly Control On a Dairy Operation
Sanitation
Because of the intensive management involved on dairy operations, the most effective fly control method is frequent removal of manure from barns, along with an integrated fly control program. Sanitation should be the first and is the most effective part of the fly control program. Sanitation involves:

Removing manure frequently during the day.

Hauling manure to fields or frequently pumping from lagoons.

Cleaning up spilled feed immediately.

Keeping bedding clean and dry.

Filling mud holes or any low spots in lots where water can accumulate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 04:58 PM

Fishing by Hand

COLUMBIA, Mo. - Next summer, it will be legal to plunge into some Missouri rivers and grab catfish by hand - a type of fishing that is not for the faint of heart.

Known variously as noodling or hogging, handfishing has long been a misdemeanor punishable by fines, because state officials fear it depletes breeding-age catfish. It can also be dangerous: Noodlers hold their breath for long periods under water and sometimes come up with fistfuls of agitated snakes or snapping turtles instead of fish.

That does not discourage enthusiasts, who insist there is great sportsmanship in fishing with your bare hands.

So after years of urging by noodlers, and lopsided legislative support for easing up on handfishers, the Missouri Conservation Commission has approved an experimental handfishing season next summer. Forms of handfishing are already legal in 11 states, including neighboring Oklahoma, Arkansas and Illinois.

"It's a start," John Smith, deputy director of the Conservation Department, said Tuesday. "We are moving forward in good faith to answer the legitimate biological concerns that we have, and balance that with the requests for making this process legal."

Missouri's biological concerns are that handfishers, who go for the biggest fish they can wrestle from riverbanks or hollow logs, will take too many sexually mature fish from their underwater nests.

The commission agreed to a June 1-July 15 season, during which handfishers who have bought a $7 permit can use only their bare hands and feet to catch a daily total of five catfish. Fish under 22 inches long must be thrown back.

Handfishing will be legal only along specified stretches of the Fabius, St. Francis and Mississippi rivers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Dec 04 - 11:32 PM

I will do a little "fishing by hand" this evening--reaching down, down to the bottom of the page and hauling this mother up into my boat. Whew!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 12:25 AM

Yo, Heaaaave Ho!!

Way ta go, SRS!! We need good haulers in these parts, with Tweed spouting Doomsday predictions, Khandu wearing his Cloak of Posting Invisibility, and Spaw in absentia sempre. It leaves the real work up to us.

Buncha dilettantes, huh?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 02:59 AM

To paraphrase Mark Twain, reports of the demise of the MOAB are greatly exaggerated! (And I have a friend for whom the euphemism "heavy lifting" has nothing to do with picking up stuff with any particular weight. If need be, I'll invoke that term to energize the thread!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 11:43 AM

A nice numerical palindrome today:

5445


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 03:42 PM

I thought I had claimed dibs on all the palindromic numbers!

Guess what?

Je retournee, as we used to say in French class, only we used a accent acute over the last e.

Yes! I am returned from my annual Christmastide soujorn into Wilderness, DC, and once again I have escaped the predators there. Harrowing as it was, with ambuscades on my right and left, with fascines before me and redoubts behind, I fought clear. Fortunately I have recently again picked up the sword and began again to tread the piste for I found riposte and remiss, parry in prime and counter in quatre, to be of most excellent use. A horizontal fleche saved me more than once from the blades of those in power there, and with a touch here and a touch there I conquered.

Fear me, ye MOABites! For I am learning epee, and you might very well see me in the next Olympics, representing Idaho in Individual Epee or perhaps in Modern Pentathalon, or both, or neither (chose one or two).

I am, of course, already an accomplished master in foil, saber, broadsword, barbed, chicken, hog, and other types of fencing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 04:58 PM

Je suis retourné. According to Babelfish, anyway. With "have" or without. Still comes out Je suis. But what the heck. You're back!

Now I need a nap. I have a headache. Mal de tête. (I think it is too much milk chocolate, but we have exhausted the supply and have no plans to restock. It's all of that diary that kills me.) Keep up the good work.

Touché.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 05:34 PM

Stilly, I think mebbe you have worms and they are thriving on all that chocolate ovatine you been floodin yoreself with. Tharfore, I habv taken action and searched the worldwide over and found this:

Diary notes by Joan Huydecoper (1625-1704), who was mayor of Amsterdam, inform us about the upbringing of children in high society. His son Jantje Huydecoper was put into the potty chair:

When something was wrong with him, Huydecoper showed an active interest. He was dealing with Jantje's tummy ache which came up after he was given meat for the first time. The child turned out to be suffering from worms and Huydecoper informed after the cures: in the first place a balm for the stomach, and also 'something to hang in the beer which he is to drink'. But the best remedy seemed to him 'hot sweet milk which was poured into in the potty and shoved under him in the potty chair, so that the worms will smell the vapour and wiggle to his arse and into the pot below.


You see? Just put the milk in the crapper instead obv feeding them things what are giving you headaches. No, please don't bother thanking me. It is just another service provided by MOAB to insure the health obv the denizens here.

Yores,
Tweed
Quack du Jour and a bientot obv the highest calibre.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 06:59 PM

"Je suis retournée" means "I am a re-run" or perhaps "I am a re-tread".

May I offer you all bientôts of the very finest degree in this coming season.

Amos
Duc Lackaduck


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Dec 04 - 08:31 PM

Mayhap, "j'ai retournee" would suffice? Avec the accent acute, of course.

But I must sing you a song of steel on steel, of parry, riposte, and tierce; the song of the sword and the taking of blades, of counters and plastrons and...hey, chest protectors used by women fencers and the Temple of the Golden Globes really should certify them. Right now chest protectors are just plastic things, but with TGG certification who knows where they might go?

I simply cannot believe that this has been overlooked! Shocked, I am! Shocked and dismayed!


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