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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 28 Jun 16 - 10:37 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jun 16 - 02:23 PM
gnu 28 Jun 16 - 08:10 PM
Little Hawk 29 Jun 16 - 03:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 Jun 16 - 06:41 PM
Amos 30 Jun 16 - 01:40 AM
gnu 30 Jun 16 - 05:53 PM
Rapparee 01 Jul 16 - 11:12 AM
gnu 01 Jul 16 - 05:51 PM
Little Hawk 01 Jul 16 - 07:41 PM
Amos 02 Jul 16 - 11:07 AM
Rapparee 02 Jul 16 - 06:45 PM
Little Hawk 02 Jul 16 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 16 - 11:03 PM
Little Hawk 03 Jul 16 - 12:45 AM
Amos 03 Jul 16 - 02:59 AM
Rapparee 03 Jul 16 - 11:33 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Jul 16 - 11:48 AM
Little Hawk 03 Jul 16 - 07:21 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 16 - 08:47 PM
gnu 03 Jul 16 - 10:01 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 16 - 08:53 AM
Little Hawk 04 Jul 16 - 04:45 PM
Amos 04 Jul 16 - 06:01 PM
keberoxu 04 Jul 16 - 06:37 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 16 - 06:53 PM
MMario 05 Jul 16 - 08:22 AM
Acme 05 Jul 16 - 12:34 PM
gnu 05 Jul 16 - 01:04 PM
Little Hawk 05 Jul 16 - 02:00 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Jul 16 - 09:14 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 16 - 09:43 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 16 - 10:21 PM
Rapparee 05 Jul 16 - 10:26 PM
Amos 06 Jul 16 - 03:26 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Jul 16 - 04:59 AM
Rapparee 06 Jul 16 - 08:26 AM
Rapparee 06 Jul 16 - 09:21 AM
Little Hawk 06 Jul 16 - 12:04 PM
gnu 06 Jul 16 - 07:01 PM
Amos 06 Jul 16 - 09:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Jul 16 - 11:06 PM
Little Hawk 06 Jul 16 - 11:48 PM
Amos 07 Jul 16 - 02:04 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Jul 16 - 06:57 AM
Rapparee 07 Jul 16 - 10:05 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Jul 16 - 10:35 AM
Amos 07 Jul 16 - 11:27 AM
gnu 07 Jul 16 - 05:35 PM
Rapparee 07 Jul 16 - 11:39 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jun 16 - 10:37 AM

Don't tell anyone or we'll get a raft of rifts in here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jun 16 - 02:23 PM

Yes, the MOAB is why the Mudcat is slow to load! I know it's true because some moron on another thread said so!

We must build a wall around Mom and make Joe Offer pay for it!

Make Mudcat grate again!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 Jun 16 - 08:10 PM

Haddock and milk (skim) at Sobeys. Visa payment at the bank. Gas the car and gas cans. Call NB Power to get the account balances before the Canada Post strike. Boron for ants at the Co-Op. Three 16G jump drives at Best Buy for rescue discs. But... there is something else. WTF is it? WTF IS IT I AM FORGETTING? JESUS H. CHRIST I HATE THIS!

Oh, yeah. Use up the eggs before the due date. Fried eggs for supper tomorrow. Over easy on toast. mmmmmmmmmmmmm.... eggs. How could I forget the eggs?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Jun 16 - 03:20 PM

Mudcat is loading so slowly because of specism! The frequent specist comments by various Mudcatters have so infuriated apes and monkeys all over the world that various primate hackers are fighting back by screwing up the site in every way they can, and this results in all kinds of bugs, slowdowns, failure for posts to go through, etc.

They may even stop this post from going through! (in which case you won't get to see it)

Every mention of "poopflinging" by specist individuals on Mudcat is another nail in Mudcat Cafe's coffin. Every personal attack on Chongo Chimp increases the problem. Lurid and ridiculous attacks on his character through the invented shill of his supposed "sister" Chinga (which is nothing but a very common and obscene word in Spanish) result only in the site slowing down to a virtual crawl.

It's really quite sad, and it's because of a tiny handful of ill-natured and spiteful people here who have made it their personal business to post hateful specist rhetoric and demean apes and monkeys. Ah, well, they'll be sorry! Yes, indeed. They'll be sorry when this forum finally ceases to function altogether and becomes nothing but a fading memory in the minds of a few doddering old reprobates with too much time on their hands, yet ironically too little time left.

Or as Chongo would say, "Ook off, buster, or I'll pump some hot lead down yer cakehole and leave you to be picked up by the local garbage men when they do their weekly rounds!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Jun 16 - 06:41 PM

Mom! The most horrible thing has happened! You know how the banner ads on Mudcat are sometimes customized to one's geographical area? Well, for some reason the little bots or whatever that tell ad servers where I live seem to get stuck at transmission nodes in Houston (500 miles away) or New Orleans (200 miles away). I'm always seeing ads for businesses in those two cities. Well, one of the little fuckers finally managed to crawl all the way up the signal to Pensacola, a mere 40 miles away! I saw an ad for a Pensacola insurance agent right here on the Mudcat Cafe!

Mom! They almost know where I live! I must go clean guns, sharpen pungee sticks, and check the use by dates on all those jars of peanut butter!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jun 16 - 01:40 AM

Stand by for SERIOUS poop=flinging, Senor Ell!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Jun 16 - 05:53 PM

SO! We share a long weekend! We have Dominion Day (what some erroneously call Canada Day) tomorrow and you guys to the south have Independence Day (erroneously know as Independence Day) on Monday.

In honour of our false holidays and freedom, I give you... God Bless Your Oppressors.

Up the republic!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jul 16 - 11:12 AM

Intermittent connections, but Happy Dominion Day to all of us north of 49!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Jul 16 - 05:51 PM

To my nephew just now.

Heard it in Mum's voice when I called her at 8:30. I call her every morning at the same time. There are certain days when I kinda know it's gonna be a bad day. Well, July 1 is one. I went over to clean sinks and mop and such as I couldn't take her out to the stores for a walk as usual and I knew she could "use some company" today. After I was done... well, tears flowed.

But, it's 8 years now and I have dealt with it, to some extent, through writing short stories and visiting his grave every year with a bottle and "having a chat". I have a fair few short stories. I share none. Sometimes, I will share a snippet, as I did today in a forum that has given me some joy and solace since I stopped hunting.

I thought of sharing this with you but I was hesitant. Then I thought... WTF? Share it with some friends and 16k+ strangers? Why not share it with Ian?

So, I screenshot my posts. They are attached. Unless I gotta send them one at a time... ???... I am still technologically declined. Nope looks like I got the whole post.

Hope all is well with you and yours.

Here is the text... no pics attached to this post...

I call this pic "Time for a Smoke". On this day in 2008, Bro left. He was an RCAF Airman. He was unconscious for days before he left. Near a week after they took all the tubes out. He wasn't supposed to last as long as he did. Mum said, "A true Airman... he waited for Canada Day to die."

The pic. Long story that I won't try to look up. Here's a short version. To the right of the pic hangs a nice buck on the back of my truck camper. We celebrated with beers. After several beers, tired from the 'deer work', Bro fell asleep. Not long before he fell asleep, having had a couple of beers, he was in that mood he used to get in. He had his semi 308 beside his chair and he, without me knowing, put a mag in, set the butt on the road with the gun straight up and waited until I was standing about six feet away with my back to him. WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM!!!!!! I near pissed myself. I took to swearing at him (and continued while I was pissing) and he just kept laughing.

And, then... he fell asleep. I took a smoke out of his package of smokes. I lit it and puffed on it. Then I put it between his fingers. I took a picture... and then I waited. You do the math.
I did not laugh. That would have escalated things. >;-)

Miss ya, Bro. RIP.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Jul 16 - 07:41 PM

That "God Bless England" song is a real treat! Fine job by those Irish lads, poking a bit of fun at the bloody Empire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 16 - 11:07 AM

It is only meet and right that there is such a fine dose of crazy in the air these days, rippling through the planet's atmosphere like a bad advertisement. Otherwise, we would run out of things to laugh at, don't you think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 16 - 06:45 PM

Okay, I have reliable Internet service again. I am below 49 North now. After I got across the border I knelt and kissed the sacred soil of the land of the free! Oh, the skies are bluer here, the air fragrant with freedom, the very leaves sing of Liberty! Now I have to go check on the laundry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jul 16 - 11:02 PM

Where are you, in Iceland? :D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 16 - 11:03 PM

While in Waterton National Park (Parc National Waterton) I saw a chipmunk eating a chimpanzee. Just a normal sized chipmunk. I guess Chongx couldn't free itself from one if one attacked it. Anyway, the poor chipmunk tossed his little cookies from this "meal." That chipmunk probably learned a valuable lesson: chimps make you throw up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jul 16 - 12:45 AM

I've heard that imbibing copious amounts of hard liquor can cause people to have strange hallucinations, see pink elephants, think they are Jesus Christ, imagine that a chipmunk has eaten a chimpanzee, and various other odd delusions. I do hope that you recover from that soon.

And I look forward to your arrest and incarceration in early 2017 when the new administration brings in its anti-specist legislation and takes the worst cases of specist abuse into custody. Oh, it's going to be so delicious seeing you dragged before the Primate Tribunal in rags and chains, there to be confronted by the families and friends of all the apes you have so grievously insulted and wounded over the years with your thoughtless comments, your puerile attacks on their character, and your heartless invective. The banana boarding is going to be intense! And I am sure it will produce much useful testimony. Mmmm-Hmmm!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 16 - 02:59 AM

You want strange delusions, try imagining North Side gorillas and a fedora wearing chimp, a giant hamster who writes a blog, and a whole community of English snobs badgering each other from somewhere in the Canadian wilderness. I swan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 16 - 11:33 AM

See how those Canadians brainwashed me?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Jul 16 - 11:48 AM

Hi, Mom! Now that my general location has been discovered by advertising bots, and in anticipation of an impending invasion by the little bastards, I have taken the following proactive steps to repel or defeat them:

1) My property is most easily accessed from the paved road on its eastern border. There is a covey of AR-15 loving rednecks who live across the road, and I have informed them that bots are really good eatin'. If the bots attack from that direction, they will find themselves shot, skinned, gutted, and in a stew pot before they can say "Penis Enlargement!"

2) I have reinforced the northern border of my property by enlisting the assistance of my neighbor's cattle who will either
A) eat the bots
B) stomp on the bots
C) drop cow patties on the bots
D) all the above.

3) On the southern and western borders of my property I have done nothing. Nobody lives on the adjoining properties and they're so wild, untamed, and swampy that I'm almost afraid to set foot on them. Godzilla could be living there and I'd never know it. If the bots want to attack from either of those directions, more power to 'em.

4) In roughly the center if my property I have a pond. I have placed dynamite charges in the dam of said pond and, if I blow the charges, a deluge of pond water will be released, flooding my driveway and sweeping the bots down the hill and into a nearby creek, where they will either
A) drown
B) be swept all the way to the Gulf of Mexico
C) be eaten by alligators and/or snapping turtles
D) all the above.

5) In the unlikely event that any bots actually make it all the way back to my house, I shall release my dog who will doubtlessly mistake them for some new kind of dog toy and leave them spread around the yard in thousands of tiny pieces, just like she does with real dog toys.

These steps are, of course, in addition to everyday precautions such as making sure there's plenty of ammo for the BAR, fuel for the flamethrower, grease for the tank's tread, and week-dead cow carcasses for the trebuchet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jul 16 - 07:21 PM

That sounds like it would work well against political candidates and vacuum cleaner salesmen too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 16 - 08:47 PM

I have returned from the Great Frozen North and shall, sometime this coming week, return to the future history of the Chinga/Chonga/Penelope triad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jul 16 - 10:01 PM

Me son, me son, me son! What a day, wha'? Oh my. Wakes up ta sunshine, 12 degrees Cees and a breeze! 'ad ta 'ave me 'oody on inna 'ouse until I put tha' chicken ina hoven at two h'ours past mid day. Dressin, spuds, turnip, carrots... the whole shebang! JAYSUS H! she was some shockin' good, buddy!

Ana wedder is spose ta be 26C tops all week long and around 13C overnights eh? Oooohoooo, I am lovin 'iss 'ere eh?

I am likin' yer climate change at this 'ere point in time. Beats changin' me shorts after I does me yard work. Not lookin' forward to not bein' able to breathe but, for now, she's all good, eh wha'?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 16 - 08:53 AM

Dumkopf! Don't surprise der bear und you don't need to change yer shorts!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jul 16 - 04:45 PM

I have returned from gracing the town with my presence, and I will shortly resume posting wonderful poetic gems from the collected works of William MacGonagall. I know you're all panting to hear them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 16 - 06:01 PM

The brain fries at the very thought. McGonagle is to poetry what Chongo is to fiction. 'Nuff said.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Jul 16 - 06:37 PM

About those nanopisca thingies: what my earlier post referred to were "garra rufas."

A variety of Turkish toothless mini-carp, it says at the Discover magazine blog.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 16 - 06:53 PM

You can also use piranhas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 05 Jul 16 - 08:22 AM

Just an update to MOM regarding a long absent son...I have joined an "in store" retial scheme at Ravelry.com which makes my patterns available in over 1600 retail brick & mortar stores...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jul 16 - 12:34 PM

MOM just shouted out from the kitchen that MMario has done well by tending to his own knitting. (I didn't bother to tell her that he mostly crochets). She also wants to know if he knits cotton candy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Jul 16 - 01:04 PM

Cotton candy will stick to wool.

Well done, MM!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jul 16 - 02:00 PM

He should be careful not to become a knitwit. That can result from too much knitting, specially in the absence of a suitable chaperone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Jul 16 - 09:14 PM

Hi, Mom! I bought a dozen eggs yesterday.   When I opened the carton this morning, the eggs were sitting around a little table and trying to summon up the departed spirit of the baked chicken we had for dinner last night.   They were medium eggs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 16 - 09:43 PM

That's the spirit, Bee Dub! Yes, it is! Oui! Ja!

MM, you wouldn't pull the wool over our eyes now, would you? I know you're a purl among hookers, but I also know that you're not above needling us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 16 - 10:21 PM

Penelope Rutledge semi-reclined in the shade of the old, old oak in the garden. If she was thinking of anything in particular it was how beastly hot it was and how good that gin-and-tonic would be. And if as magic, the butler brought it.

"Here you are, Miss Rutledge," he said, placing the frosted glass on the table. The curl of lime zest added a festive note.

"Thank you, Ballsworthy. You may go," she replied. And the butler left silently for the house.

Penelope took a thoughtful sip. Just as she like it. Ballsworthy knew how to keep a bar, and he was a top-notch butler. She never thought he had that in his makeup. Then, she'd never killed a lizard-man before. And that story about Ballsworthy being found naked on the Great Grimpen Moor -- if her friends at MI-7 hadn't assured her it was true....

Ballsworthy coughed quietly on her left side. She turned, and he said, "A telephone call, Miss Rutledge. I've taken the liberty of bringing the phone to you." He handed her a cordless phone, turned, and left.

She placed the phone on the table. One of the bad things about technology was that one couldn't escape into the garden anymore, she thought. She picked up the phone and spoke.

"Penelope Rutledge here."

"Penelope? Hello! It's Chinga."


(WHAT!?!? Chonga's sister calling Penelope? Whatever can this mean? More surprises ahead!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 16 - 10:26 PM

To prevent LH from doing it:

The Little Match Girl
by William Topaz McGonagall

It was biting cold, and the falling snow,
Which filled a poor little match girl's heart with woe,
Who was bareheaded and barefooted, as she went along the street,
Crying, "Who'll buy my matches? for I want pennies to buy some meat!"

When she left home she had slippers on;
But, alas! poor child, now they were gone.
For she lost both of them while hurrying across the street,
Out of the way of two carriages which were near by her feet.

So the little girl went on, while the snow fell thick and fast;
And the child's heart felt cold and downcast,
For nobody had bought any matches that day,
Which filled her little mind with grief and dismay.

Alas! she was hungry and shivering with cold;
So in a corner between two houses she made bold
To take shelter from the violent storm.
Poor little waif! wishing to herself she'd never been born.

And she grew colder and colder, and feared to go home
For fear of her father beating her; and she felt woe-begone
Because she could carry home no pennies to buy bread,
And to go home without pennies she was in dread.

The large flakes of snow covered her ringlets of fair hair;
While the passers-by for her had no care,
As they hurried along to their homes at a quick pace,
While the cold wind blew in the match girl's face.

As night wore on her hands were numb with cold,
And no longer her strength could her uphold,
When an idea into her little head came:
She'd strike a match and warm her hands at the flame.

And she lighted the match, and it burned brightly,
And it helped to fill her heart with glee;
And she thought she was sitting at a stove very grand;
But, alas! she was found dead, with a match in her hand!

Her body was found half-covered with snow,
And as the people gazed thereon their hearts were full of woe;
And many present let fall a burning tear
Because she was found dead on the last night of the year,

In that mighty city of London, wherein is plenty of gold ?
But, alas! their charity towards street waifs is rather cold.
But I hope the match girl's in Heaven, beside her Saviour dear,
A bright reward for all the hardships she suffered here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 16 - 03:26 AM

The cure may be worse than the original pestilence that gave it reason to exist. Seems clear to me that the MOAB world has gone wholly overboard, with Rapparree being subsumed into a poor copy of Little Hawk's identity, while Mom goes begging for breakfast!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jul 16 - 04:59 AM

Begging for breakfast? Not when there's Mom's Breakfast Bowl!

Combine, in a medium sized bowl:

1 cup prepared hominy grits*
2 scrambled eggs
1 small onion, chopped and sautéed
2 slices fried bacon, chopped
2 cooked breakfast sausage links or patties, chopped
½ cup grated cheddar cheese
1 tsp butter
seasonings to taste

Mix thoroughly and serve with whole wheat toast, biscuits and gravy, or pancakes.


* Fried potatoes may be substituted if you find grits to be particularly abominable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 16 - 08:26 AM

One of my favourite receipts. I created this dish myself and you can vary it according to your needs.

1 regular sized can of hominy (white, yellow, or one can of each)
Cubed ham or slices of smoked sausage
Some chopped onions
Some chopped bell peppers (various colors make it attractive)
Some butter
Some salt and pepper
Some Tryme Tiger Sauce

Melt the butter and cook the sausage, onions, and peppers in it. When they are cooked add the hominy. Put on some salt and pepper. Use some Tiger Sauce (this is not exactly a hot sauce, so taste!).

Serve on warmed or unwarmed plates. Stick some parsley on top or sprinkle on some paprika to make it extra fancy.

NB: You can use pazole seco, available at many mercados, but it takes a lot longer to prepare than using canned hominy since it's best to start the night before.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jul 16 - 09:21 AM

Oh, yeah -- just before serving sprinkle some good, grated, extra sharp cheddar cheese on top.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jul 16 - 12:04 PM

YES!!! "The Little Match Girl" is one of my absolute favorites in MacGonagall's luminous writings! It really just couldn't BE any better than that, could it? He had them weeping in the aisles.

Nice to see Mr Ballsworthy back "on the pitch", as it were. Still, I must advise that:

1. Chinga Chimp does not exist, she never did, and never shall.

2. "Chinga" is just a very common Mexican swear word. Nothing other than that. It means "fuck".

and...

3. You are chinga'ed if you don't know that, sir! You are CBAR. (chinga'ed beyond all recognition)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jul 16 - 07:01 PM

Surely you mean CUBAR?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jul 16 - 09:02 PM

CHinga ecxists just as surely as Ballsworthy or Corridus or the stupid chimp brother who left her abandoned when he fled to America. You don't get to unmock Chinga while asserting the existence of that flea-bitten poop-flinger, no sirreee, Bob!

Hey Mom! I am off to do something new and different (for me, anyway). I am addressing the monthly gathering of a local Book Club on the subject of my thrilling novel, Beyond the Cascdade. How 'bout them apples!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jul 16 - 11:06 PM

What if Chongo, Penelope, et al are real and Little Hawk is a figment of their collective imaginations?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Jul 16 - 11:48 PM

If I had not created Chongo in the first place and brought him into your and Rap's dull little online lives, Amos, you would never have even thought of Chinga. "She" is an aberration, a misbegotten conception achieved through the marriage of a Spanish language swear word and a stolen idea...stolen from me, no less. I suppose, since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, that I should be somewhat flattered that you and Rap even bothered to steal from me in this manner...but...hmmm...no, I don't really see the point of being flattered in this case. It would be like Julius Caesar feeling flattered over the creation of Caesar salad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 16 - 02:04 AM

Mwahahaha. Without our tender and compassionate attentionate, Sir Hawke, Chonga would have been buried as a half-monstrous impulse not worthy to be admitted in human discussion. So don't give yourself airs. You created Chongo against the pressured expectations of Others, and I created Chinga against the pressured expectations of Little Hawk. No-one denies you credit for the remarkable authorship involved in bringing him through from the wild Afric jungle. But no more should you try so hard to squelch the reasonable consequences of your inserting him into our conversation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jul 16 - 06:57 AM

I don't get this whole "Make America grate again!" thing. Who does this guy think he is that he wants to make Americans grate cheese? Yes, pre-grated cheese is a bit lazy and it costs a tad more, but so what? People who eat lots of tacos probably save a couple of hours a year by not having to grate their own cheese. And if you multiply that couple of hours by all the taco lovers in the US, that's millions of hours! Yes, millions of hours that could be spent finding a cure for toenail fungus or something.

And if the "Make America grate again!" campaign wins, who's to say what comes next? "Make America prepare tortillas, guacamole, and refried beans from scratch again?" Forget it! If your typical American has to work that hard to make a taco or enchilada, he's just going to make a hamburger instead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 16 - 10:05 AM

Penelope said, "Hi, Chinga! How's tricks?"

There was a peal of laughter from the phone and Chinga replied, "Still turning! Business has been great! You get the financials, don't you?"

"Yes, and we're doing pretty well, aren't we? I don't like the looks of the Alaska venture, though -- tell me truly, how's that going? You sent Chonga up there when? in 2018? It's been two years."

Chinga sighed and replied, "Yes, and I went up a couple months ago to check on things. Chonga is really doing her best, but there's a lot of amateur competition, and then there's the Paling syndicate. That ex-governor knows where the bodies are frozen."

"Can I help? This is a big project and our investments are on the line."

"Yes, they are. Indeed they are! I've got about thirty mil in this and you've got about the same. Hmmm...perhaps a deal with the Paling bunch."

"I'll 'deal' with them. Leave it to me. I've been wondering if it was this sort of thing holding us back. I'll put the Corporation on it."

"Violence?" Chinga sounded appalled.

"Not unless we have to. Just some gentle reminders to certain select 'entrepreneurs" who should be working with us instead of that Sorry crowd. You and I know that politicians are more powerful than pistols."

"As long as they stay bought," chuckled Chinga. "Those are the only honest politicians."

"Chinga, I'll be sending some more cash. Look for it in the Bank of Alaska box -- the second one, the special purposes one. And some Corporate members will need rooms in Anchorage -- perhaps at the Captain Cook. The Presidential Suites. And in Juneau! Perhaps we'd better buy an up-scale condo there, as we'll be having a lot of business there. And do keep this from your sister! She should find that certain obstacles have been cleared. You must pardon me, but you got the brains when you twins were conceived."

"And she has never had much brawn -- just bragging. Yes, I realized that long, long ago. But we are agreed then?"

"Yes. I'll ring up from friends. Bye for now!"

"Bye!" And the connection was broken.

Penelope called another number.

"Leo? This is Momma. Anchorage and Juneau, Alaska. Political deal, nothing else unless it's very, very needful. I'll have more info to you shortly. Movement starts in about a fortnight." And she hung up.

(Penelope? Co-chairing an international conglomerate with Chinga? It appears so!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Jul 16 - 10:35 AM

I have received the following Private Message from Mom:

Dear Bee-dubya my idiot son,

I have prepared and tried the Mom's Breakfast Bowl recipe you posted and found it most excellent indeed. However, I would like to offer a few suggestions for improvement.   First, it really should be served with a funnel cake on top. Better yet, a funnel cake, a cone of cotton candy, and a deep-fried Snickers bar.   And alcohol. Don't you think the whole thing would be improved by tossing in a double shot of tequila? And figure out some way to serve it on a stick. Like dip golf ball-sized globs of it in funnel cake dough and deep fry them, then stab 'em with bamboo skewers.   You could rename it Mom's Breakfast on a Stick.

Love,

Mom


Sometimes I worry about Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jul 16 - 11:27 AM

I just KNEW there was more to those gals than met the eye. Or the I. Whomever. Good job, M. Rapp!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Jul 16 - 05:35 PM

12C and rain. I have a hoody on as I type. The pigeons that sit on the wires outside my window and stare at the back of my hood (I know they do; I have caught them doing it) and wish they were dry too do not unnerve me even if there are far more of them than my army of one. I fear not for my will is strong and my is arsenal armed to the teeth. They shan't dare attack. They shall sit soaked and shivering upon my wires to the world and I shall ne'er accommodate those rats with wings on any level. Flea infested vile vermin.

Besides, I sold my truck and I park my car in the garage so WTF are they gonna do? Shit on my driveway? I wear shoes. HA!

I wonder what they taste like. Damp, I expect.

Hey, A! Enjoy!

Hey, BWL! I cooked my fav last night. Bacon On a Stick. Well, it was a fork... a forked stick... made of steel. Anyway, here is the recipe. Ingredients : fried bacon and beer. Directions : fork the fried bacon into your mouth with beer to wash it down. It's an old family recipe so keep it to yourself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jul 16 - 11:39 PM

The latest episode of the Penelope/Chinga/Chonga/Ballsworthy/etc. adventures did not post! Lost! Lost for eternity in the Big Bitbucket in the Sky! Fortunately I have poetry to assuage my feelings!

Be kind to all little ones,
All fathers, mothers dear,
Be kind to your little ones,
Their little hearts to cheer.
For oh! you know not how soon
Their place will vacant be;
If God should call one to his home,
Your conscience would be free.

Their little forms are tender,
They're at your mercy now;
They need your kind attention
To watch them every hour.
While they are little infants,
My friends, take time to spare:
Do not forget an instant,
To give them tender care.

God, he never did intend
You to misuse your child;
Their little souls to you he sends
To bless you for awhile.
And if you always will be kind
To them, sweet little ones,
Oh! what a blessing you will find
In after years to come.

You never, never will repent,
Dear friend, for being kind;
Those little ones to you were sent,
And always bear in mind,
That God may call your little ones
And leave you here behind;
Oh! what a happy thought will come --
I always have been kind.


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