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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 08 Jul 16 - 07:34 AM
Rapparee 08 Jul 16 - 08:58 AM
Rapparee 08 Jul 16 - 10:27 PM
Acme 09 Jul 16 - 12:54 AM
Amos 09 Jul 16 - 01:37 AM
Rapparee 09 Jul 16 - 09:14 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Jul 16 - 11:07 AM
Amos 09 Jul 16 - 08:24 PM
Rapparee 09 Jul 16 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 16 - 01:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jul 16 - 04:40 PM
gnu 10 Jul 16 - 04:41 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 16 - 06:48 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jul 16 - 06:57 PM
gnu 10 Jul 16 - 07:57 PM
gnu 10 Jul 16 - 08:13 PM
Amos 10 Jul 16 - 09:03 PM
gnu 10 Jul 16 - 09:29 PM
Rapparee 10 Jul 16 - 10:11 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jul 16 - 10:13 PM
Amos 11 Jul 16 - 01:36 AM
Acme 11 Jul 16 - 11:32 AM
Little Hawk 11 Jul 16 - 11:52 AM
Rapparee 11 Jul 16 - 04:15 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jul 16 - 05:03 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 16 - 07:29 PM
Acme 11 Jul 16 - 10:39 PM
Rapparee 11 Jul 16 - 10:59 PM
Amos 12 Jul 16 - 01:44 AM
Little Hawk 12 Jul 16 - 01:49 AM
Rapparee 12 Jul 16 - 08:27 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jul 16 - 12:00 PM
gnu 12 Jul 16 - 06:04 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jul 16 - 09:38 AM
Rapparee 13 Jul 16 - 10:06 AM
Little Hawk 13 Jul 16 - 11:08 AM
Rapparee 13 Jul 16 - 11:33 AM
Rapparee 13 Jul 16 - 01:09 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jul 16 - 03:08 PM
gnu 13 Jul 16 - 10:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jul 16 - 11:32 PM
Acme 13 Jul 16 - 11:37 PM
Acme 13 Jul 16 - 11:41 PM
Little Hawk 14 Jul 16 - 01:01 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 16 - 05:38 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Jul 16 - 08:09 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 16 - 09:58 PM
Acme 14 Jul 16 - 10:52 PM
Amos 15 Jul 16 - 02:42 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Jul 16 - 05:15 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Jul 16 - 07:34 AM

Oh dear! The latest episode of the Penelope/Chinga/Chonga/Ballsworthy/etc. adventures did not post! Please, please, please do your very best to reconstruct the post so I may ignore it. My day simply is not complete unless I ignore a faux Little Hawk post or two. And don't even suggest that I go back and ignore an earlier installment. It just would't be the same.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 16 - 08:58 AM

This is dedicated to the one I lo...I mean, Bee Dubya Ell.
**********************************************************

Penelope stretched and laid back in the chaise longe. Always so much to do, she mused. Keeping up with the family investments, seeking out new ground for investments...well, the Alaska thing should be profitable when they get past the Sorry Paling bunch. As they say Up There, "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." She was certain that Chinga and she could tap into some of the goods.

Ballsworthy quietly approached, noted that she'd drifted off to sleep, and took the telephone back into the house. He left a new drink, knowing that she wouldn't sleep long.

Penelope was tickled awake by a butterfly landing on her nose. She sneezed and it flew away.

She looked at her watch. Heavens! It was four-thirty and the General was due for dinner at six! She sipped the gin and tonic, again was amazed at how well Ballsworthy had slipped into being a butler. She's taken him in as a broken man with a police record, given him a job in the stables, and he'd risen quickly in the household. In the old days he'd have given anything to obtain access to the information that was now spread before him, and he was uninterested except when it impinged on his job and then only as long as was necessary. She smiled and thought, from the muck to the stars.

Well, she only had an hour now to get ready for her guest. Hadn't seen him in far, far too long. Since before she made the mistake of marrying...well, that was fixed now and the past was literally buried. And he had the VC now, as well as the CGC. She knew that on the next honors list he'd be able to add KCOBE to his list of letters. Heavens, but he was weighed down with medals -- the Legion de Honnore, the US' Medal of Freedom, and who knew what else? She silently giggled and thought that if he ever fell in the pond his medals would prevent him from rising to the surface.

There was a diffident knock on the door.

"Yes?"

"Ballsworthy, Miss Penelope. The General is here."

"Thank you. Please set out the decanter of Louis Royer. I'll be down in a very few minutes."

(General? What general? And what will they be having for dinner?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jul 16 - 10:27 PM

That goodness I posted that history about PR in time or Mom would have fallen!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jul 16 - 12:54 AM

MOM may be the only think keeping Mudcat afloat this evening.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 16 - 01:37 AM

What a friend we have in MOAB!
All our posts and whims to bear!
What a joy it is to see her,
Carrying our posts Up There!

Etc., etc.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 16 - 09:14 AM

Stay with us, Mother MOAB. Bless our endeavors or endeavours on your behalf. Bless the Max, the Creator, and each of the mods. Bless the servers, restore them, and keep them safe from all harm. Bless all of their little diodes and triodes, their LEDs and LCDs, all their parts. Bless all of Max's parts and those of the mods as well. And bless all of your children, even Amos, and especially your fave rave, me. This we ask in the ineffable names of Turning, Babbage, Lovelace, Bartik, Boole, Cerf, von Neumann, Hopper, Ritchie, Grace, and all your saints. Arpanet!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Jul 16 - 11:07 AM

And Mom bless Gluon.

Quark!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 16 - 08:24 PM

I think you meant Turing, rather than Turning, although turning is definitely an eternal theme.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 16 - 10:48 PM

Yes, Al Turing. Turning was Ed Turning, who used to fix flats at Joe's Standard Station. Good man, Ed, but he died in 1957 and probably never did much with computers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 01:59 PM

Refresh! Same Mom from the desolation of The Pit!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 04:40 PM

A Prayer for Mom

Now I lay me down to sleep
A sack of bullshit at my feet
If Mom should fall before I wake
Help her up, for goodness sake!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 04:41 PM

Mom is from the desolation of The Pit? Gee. I had know idea.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 06:48 PM

Same Mom, different post.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 06:57 PM

Mom! Why am I seeing advertisements for a Toby Keith concert in Biloxi, Mississippi? I don't like Toby Keith. I've never been to Biloxi. And, most importantly, the concert date is July 1st. That's nine days ago! But the ad is still up! Gluon can go to a concert in the past, but I can't. If I could, I'd go back and see Jimi Hendrix not Toby Keith.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 07:57 PM

S'amatter? You don't like the redneck, white and blue? Commie pinko bastard! John Wang would whip you with his big dick you fuckin hippie.

Get those foreskins in a circle jerk. John and Toby are gonna kick your ass.

Disclaimer. As I hope everyone knows, I respect all military members. But, I don't like the jingoism shit like the stuff Toby makes money from. Just sayin, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 08:13 PM

BTW... while I am up here on this smelly high steed from which I pontificate, hear ye far and wide that ye sinners shall burn for all eternity if you do not REPENT!

Nice vocals and instrumentals eh? Even though that part about the pregnant girl being saved by The Lord from the Long Black Train is kinda overdoing it a tad. Literary bullshit or some such is the technical term, I think.

Oh... yeah! I must go find that other one... or two... two faced bastard makes good music, he does.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 09:03 PM

That's a very fine voice indeed.

My son called to report that a new friend of his, a pretty girl, had been looking up his Facebook links and had been gushing about my videos. Called me Johnny Cash. I suppose that is a compliment, really! :D

Mom, do you think BS will ever be replaced by AI?

I don't. I mean "Mother of All AI" just doesn't feel the same, uless you're talking about Ada Lovelace.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 09:29 PM

I was called, in disdain from some offended Cash fans, Johnny Cashed one night about forty years ago at a pub. Played/sang Burning Ring Of Fire. My cover lyrics... about chili and hemorrhoids. No sense of humour had those southerners from Albert County, NB. You think YOU got rednecks "down south". These folks take a chainsaw to all the road signs and use em fer bonfires. "Listen up, boy... if you don't know where you are, y'all shouldn't be here!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 10:11 PM

'Sides, it keeps them Yanks from finding us when they come invade us the neks time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jul 16 - 10:13 PM

There are probably 20 or so road signs on the road where I live. They're all shot full of holes except for two that say "Church". It's like the local rednecks aren't scared of the sheriff's deputies who'd bust 'em for shooting speed limit signs, but they're afraid they'll go to Hell for shooting holes in the ones that belong to Jesus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 01:36 AM

Fear is a really weird fluid, kinda like Silly Putty. Squeeze it in one place and it pops up in another. No rhyme or reason to it. If there were reason to it, it wouldn't be fear. See?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 11:32 AM

I think a post of mine went walkabout - during the skimpy posting of the weekend MOM was above the line, but barely.

I made bread last night - the house smells wonderful this morning! Sammiches for lunch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 11:52 AM

I just spent a lovely weekend at the Mariposa Folk Festival. Music, music, music. Life is good. Chongo was unable to attend, which is a shame, because he would have loved it, even if there was no whisky provided in the beer tent. Several locals have volunteered to serve as bodyguards for Chongo, since Chimpanzees in suits aren't usually seen in these parts. He's becoming a minor celebrity around here, thanks to Facebook.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 04:15 PM

Yokels protecting hokum? Given the firearms laws in Canada I assume that they're doing the guard bodying with nerf balls.

"Don't git near the candydate! I'll throw this nerf ball atcha!! I ain't foolin'!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 05:03 PM

Sheesh. It's like listening to the ravings of some dipsomaniac halfwit...

Yokels? You silly man! This is an arts town, a centre (Canadian spelling) of sophistication and culture, the home of Stephen Leacock and Gordon Lightfoot, the glittering jewel in the crown of Simcoe County. We don't even allow dumbass yokels from states like Idaho or Texas to enter this town until they've been de-loused and checked for infectious diseases.

Furthermore, we have a well-armed citizenry here, an experienced militia ready to answer the call when any of you Yankees dare to violate our sovereign borders as you did back in 1812. And we know how to handle our guns too, because unlike you hairy-arsed swamp and prairie dwelling yahoos, we have to pass a proper firearms training course before we are allowed to buy our guns. So we know how to use them, eh?

Go buy some of those inferior Dunkin' Donuts, drink some more crap American beer, and count your admittedly meager blessings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 07:29 PM

Der Donald has bought Simcoe County up in Canada to "turn [it] into a big-ass golf course. I'm going to call it the Trump Rump Course. It will be excellent, truly excellent. Best course in Canada!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 10:39 PM

Uh oh. Does Chongo have a facebook page? (It is possible, you know).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 16 - 10:59 PM

"...home of Stephen Leacock and Gordon Lightfoot, the glittering jewel in the crown of Simcoe County."

Stephen Leacock and Gordon Lightfoot shared the same home? I didn't know they were...um...friends.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 01:44 AM

Rave on, Master Hawk, rave on. Some day the light of Truth will penetrate even through your thick, snow-sodden conifers and enlighten even the far reaches of your grim, God-forsaken village with its dusty, ash-coated byways and dingy shadows.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 01:49 AM

Rap - I mean that the town of Orillia is their home, you moron!

As for you, Amos, keep in mind the fact that we *may* grant you asylum one day if you need it...I say "may"...but the offer may just as well be rescinded if you go too far.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 08:27 AM

So their mutual home is in Orilla, and it's considered the glittering jewel of the country? It's okay with me, but since Leacock died when Lightfoot was six years old I have to assume from your statement that Gordon has some psychologically interesting...proclivities. I'd have thought that the health department would have been involved long ago.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 12:00 PM

Hi, Mom. I have now been to Biloxi, Mississippi! No, I didn't go to see Toby Keith, nor did I go to gamble away my life savings at any of the many casinos there. A niece has moved to New Orleans, and Biloxi, being about half-way between Pensacola and New Orleans, was a convenient spot to meet for lunch and a bit of touristy type stuff. It was very pleasant, particularly since said niece is a particularly beautiful human being (CLICK). Despite being a millenial, she has no piercings (ears included), no tattoos, doesn't wear makeup, leaves her hair in its natural color, and doesn't polish her nails. She does shave her legs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jul 16 - 06:04 PM

Rather good looking, I agree.

Now. Ants. Fuckers. The weather has been non-cooperative with cold and rain. But, today... 30C and sunshine and it is forecast to continue. So, then. Cotton balls laced with a boron, sugar and water mixture are about to be unleashed on said pissmires. They don't know whose lawn they are fucking with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 09:38 AM

Wow. Your niece Isobel is a very beautiful and natural looking young woman, Bee-dub! She looks like one of those girls from the late 1960's.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 10:06 AM

How did such a good lookin' young woman come to be related to you, Bee Dub? Why don't you tell her about the joys and thrills of Pocatello, Idaho so she can move here? The town needs all the beautifyin' it can get.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 11:08 AM

That is for sure! Almost any change would be an improvement. Chongo says he is going to have Pocatello "cleaned up" after he is elected. I'm not sure how that would be accomplished, but I think it would begin with removal of the "undesirables", meaning about 80 to 90% of the present population.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 11:33 AM

Yeah, the town was expecting that and is ready. Of course, Chongx's idea of "cleaning up the town" is not throwing poop.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 01:09 PM

The plane landed in Deadhorse and two people climbed down the stairs, one of medium height and one smaller. The smaller's arms hung down to the knees. Both were wearing cold weather gear against the wind and the -48C temperature.

Once in the heated airfield office they took off much of the heavy clothing. Two women, one a chimpanzee and the other a jumpsuit. The clothing was obviously of excellent design and manufacture.

"Well," said Penelope Rutledge (for that was the taller), "where is she?"

"She said she'd meet us...there she is!" exclaimed Chinga, for she was the other one, and pointed to another chimpanzee waiting beyond the security gates.

As they passed out of the landing and reception area the waiting chimp came over to them. She, too, was well dressed.

"Chonga, my dear sister!" said Chinga "How are you? How are things going? You've met Penelope, of course."

"Yes, I have. I remember very well our little escapades in Chicago, for it made me what I am today. I suppose," she continued reflectively, "I was never very happy as a male."

"Glad to see you again," said Penelope, shaking hands with Chonga.

"And how is Veronica?" asked Chonga.

"She's well. She took the veil, you know, and entered a cloistered Abbey in the Pyrenees. From her last letter she has been named Sub-Prioress. She seems to enjoy her new life; I worry about her and will be visiting the Abbey this spring."

"Shall we continue these discussions elsewhere? Perhaps over dinner?" suggested Chinga. The flight seemed too long and I could use refreshing. Where are we staying?"

"The Prudhoe Bay. Best hotel in town, of course. And here comes our snowcat now!"

A vehicle looking like a van on tracks (which is what it was) pulled up. The driver collected the baggage and stowed it and then opened the door and showed the three into a rather luxurious passage compartment.

"To the hotel, please," said Chonga. She turned to the other two and said, a twinkle in her eye, "there's only one good enough."

And away, in a cloud of snow, they went.

(What next? And what about the General?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 03:08 PM

The good lookin' young woman came to be related to me by marriage. No shared DNA.

BTW, "Isobel" is the name of the clothing line she was modeling for in those photos, not her name. I won't say her name on this thread for fear that she'd be stalked by some reprobate asshole from Blind River.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 10:51 PM

Soooo... I was thinkin bout gettin dreadlocks for the summer. Well, 'a' dreadlock. Well, maybe lettin the back grow a bit on accounta it sucks tryin ta cut that back there where I can't see. But, it gets itchy, so, maybe I'll just keep buzzin it like I do the rest. Well, by 'the rest' I mean, where hairs grow on me head. The other place where me hairs grow ain't NEVER gonna get buzzed again. I shoulda NEVER listened to that woman. Itchy? FUCK YEAH! I hate shavin me face twice a day let alone weedin a garden that don't grow... ahhh... TMI. gnightgnu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 11:32 PM

Half of all marriages end in divorce. The other half survive largely because single men can't cut the backs of their own hair.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 11:37 PM

You were wise to make that naming decision, BWL. My daughter is more zaftig than your niece but still quite a striking (literally!) woman. Chongo needs to find less assertive women to stalk consider adding to his acquaintance. LARP (Live Action Role Play) uses rubber and styrofoam, but as my daughter, she learned to use wood and steel. Just sayin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jul 16 - 11:41 PM

Shaving is a mistake, gnu. Use Nads. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jul 16 - 01:01 PM

Chongo doesn't stalk women. He does admire them, though. Shane, on the other hand, stalks pretty much any woman he can find to stalk, but his stalking range is fairly much limited to the local areas around Blind River and Sudbury and maybe over to Wawa.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 16 - 05:38 PM

He likes that town. You hear him all the time asking for "Wawa." He'll say, "Donny? Wawa for Shame?" and "Donny, Shame make wawa in pants."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jul 16 - 08:09 PM

There's a chain of convenience stores called Wawa. They're mostly in mid-Atlantic states (NJ, MD, VA, DE, PA) but they're opening lots of stores in Florida. None in my neck of the woods, but I've seen them in the Orlando and Daytona areas. More convenience stores selling more junk food! Just what Florida needs!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 16 - 09:58 PM

I checked and there are no Wawa stores near me.

I suspect that there won't be for quite a while.

Oh darn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 16 - 10:52 PM

The Wawa artwork is very 1970s - 80s. What's old is new again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 16 - 02:42 AM

Had the dance floor full playing some mojo music tonight. Mom would have loved it if she hadn't been tangled up with the apathetic detritus of the broken minds and souls of Blind River and their cohorts and ilk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jul 16 - 05:15 AM

Apathetic Detritus! I remember them! I saw them perform once. They were the opening act for Apoplectic Dermatitis. Or maybe it was the other way around.


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