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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 03 Jan 05 - 06:02 PM
Rapparee 03 Jan 05 - 08:18 PM
Rustic Rebel 03 Jan 05 - 08:26 PM
Rapparee 03 Jan 05 - 08:58 PM
Rustic Rebel 04 Jan 05 - 02:58 AM
Amos 04 Jan 05 - 07:47 AM
Little Hawk 04 Jan 05 - 08:35 AM
Amos 04 Jan 05 - 08:45 PM
Rapparee 04 Jan 05 - 09:15 PM
Amos 04 Jan 05 - 11:55 PM
Amos 05 Jan 05 - 07:53 AM
Tweed 05 Jan 05 - 08:46 AM
Rapparee 05 Jan 05 - 09:11 AM
Acme 05 Jan 05 - 03:50 PM
Rapparee 05 Jan 05 - 05:19 PM
Tweed 05 Jan 05 - 05:45 PM
Acme 05 Jan 05 - 07:01 PM
Amos 05 Jan 05 - 09:28 PM
Rapparee 05 Jan 05 - 10:09 PM
Acme 05 Jan 05 - 10:13 PM
Amos 06 Jan 05 - 01:11 AM
Rapparee 06 Jan 05 - 01:25 PM
Acme 06 Jan 05 - 01:33 PM
Amos 06 Jan 05 - 05:33 PM
Rapparee 06 Jan 05 - 05:58 PM
Amos 06 Jan 05 - 06:24 PM
Acme 07 Jan 05 - 12:32 AM
Amos 07 Jan 05 - 09:49 AM
Rapparee 07 Jan 05 - 01:26 PM
Amos 07 Jan 05 - 01:42 PM
Rapparee 07 Jan 05 - 01:52 PM
Acme 07 Jan 05 - 02:10 PM
Amos 07 Jan 05 - 02:21 PM
Tweed 07 Jan 05 - 03:52 PM
Acme 07 Jan 05 - 04:00 PM
Acme 07 Jan 05 - 08:40 PM
Acme 08 Jan 05 - 12:20 AM
Amos 08 Jan 05 - 01:38 AM
Acme 08 Jan 05 - 01:43 AM
Amos 08 Jan 05 - 02:04 AM
Acme 08 Jan 05 - 12:57 PM
Rustic Rebel 08 Jan 05 - 02:25 PM
Amos 08 Jan 05 - 02:32 PM
Rapparee 08 Jan 05 - 07:58 PM
Amos 09 Jan 05 - 03:31 PM
Rapparee 09 Jan 05 - 07:18 PM
Acme 09 Jan 05 - 08:33 PM
Rapparee 09 Jan 05 - 09:41 PM
Little Hawk 09 Jan 05 - 09:47 PM
Amos 09 Jan 05 - 11:30 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 06:02 PM

No, no, no! You got 5500, not 1! Khandu got 1, years and years and years and years and years ago.

But I got dibs on 5555!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 08:18 PM

Well now, I thought I'd just pass on a tidbit about George W. Bush:

George Washington Bush (1790?-1863), an experienced frontiersman and successful farmer, was one of the wealthier pioneers to follow the Oregon Trail west. His father, of African descent, was said to be a sailor, and his mother was an Irish American servant. As a young man, Bush worked as a voyageur and trapper for fur trading companies, including the famed Hudson's Bay Company (HBC). During this time he traveled extensively in the Western plains and mountains, perhaps reaching Puget Sound.

By the 1830s, Bush had settled in Missouri and married Isabella (or Isabell) James (c. 1809-1866), a young German American woman with whom he had five sons (a sixth was born in the West). Bush farmed and raised cattle, and the family was well off. However, Missouri, a slave state, had passed racial exclusion laws, and Bush and his sons faced increasing bigotry and discrimination. In an effort to escape the discrimination, the Bushes joined the family of their friend Michael Simmons, a white Kentuckian, and three other white families related to the Simmons, to head west on the Oregon Trail. Bush's frontier experience made him a valuable addition to the party.

When the Simmons party reached the Columbia River in the fall of 1844, they found that the provisional government of Oregon Territory had enacted discriminatory laws, like those of Missouri, barring settlement by African Americans. Not wishing to separate from the Bush family, Simmons and the other members of the party decided to locate north of the Columbia, where American settlers and their provisional government had not yet extended their reach. The party spent the winter of 1844-45 on the Columbia, not far from Hudson's Bay Company's Fort Vancouver in present-day Clark County.


Want to know what happened? His claim was upheld by the US Congress, he farmed Bush Prairie until he died, and his son William O. Bush was a member of the first Washington State legislature. The Bushes were one of the wealthiest families in the Territory.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 08:26 PM

Thank you very much Rapaire. I was just fine with my story. I didn't know who you were talking about so I looked up Guytrash. Now you have me thinking my imagination is a freak or was it that I inspired the dog from hell? I will never know for sure will I? Except that smile...
guytrash

Right back at you Tweed!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jan 05 - 08:58 PM

Benevolent to the worthy, remember?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 02:58 AM

It is a kindness that reaps a kindness. A love that is a deeply infected love. A brightness that measures the light, unto all those that breath the air of color, into their souls and finds itself a highlight unto it.

I will not repeat an unnecessary transpired surge of emotion unto thee,
but I will let you all know I'm still as horny as can be.


I will not falter as I speak Of all the things that have transpired as of the first of the year 2005. I know I am still a poet roper and will never change in that fact.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 07:47 AM

"A brightrneess that measures the light...."

Ahh, that would be yer own loverly self, fer sure!! Sweetly said, as only a poet roper might!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 08:35 AM

I see you people have been getting into some interesting stuff in the last few days. The hungry mind is most gratified by endlessly diddling on about inconsequential things and keeping itself amused while life slips by.... :-)

Better than usual for the MOABS, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 08:45 PM

Little Hawk:

Tell ya what - when we want someone to put a superior-sounding, condescending and patronizing piece of tripe here n the MOAB we'll run right over and ask you for it, ok?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 09:15 PM

Oh, I don't know, Amos. I have found the recent BS here to be somewhat mildly amusing, especially that of the being which calls itself "Tweed."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jan 05 - 11:55 PM

Lordy, Lordy, now we got us TWO high-falutin transcendees to hafta deal wit! This is almost too much, Olive!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 07:53 AM

Alas, I have placed a foot in a mouth, and neither of them mine, and thus let the Mother begin a decline. Let there be moaning at bar, and high seas at the channel mouth, and low seas ashore, that the MOABites may fear to stray from their mother. Let there be Trye BS in the home of the mother.

Just between us mothahs...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 08:46 AM

REGARDING TIDES AND THE MOON'S INFLUENCE ON THE HUMAN SKULL

The tides at a given place in the Earth's oceans occur about an hour later each day. Since the Moon passes overhead about an hour later each day, it was long suspected that the Moon was associated with tides. Newton's Law of Gravitation provided a quantitative understanding of that association.

Differential Forces
Consider a water molecule in the ocean. It is attracted gravitationally by the Earth, but it also experiences a much smaller gravitational attraction from the Moon (much smaller because the Moon is much further away and much less massive than the Earth). But this gravitational attraction of the Moon is not limited to the water molecules; in fact, the Moon exerts a gravitational force on every object on and in the Earth. Tides occur because the Earth is a body of finite extent and these forces are not uniform: some parts of the Earth are closer to the Moon than other parts, and since the gravitational force drops off as the inverse square distance, those parts experience a larger gravitational tug from the Moon than parts that are further away.


I hesitate to even make mention of this but....
I've noticed for some time now, that during certain times of the day the top of my head begins to rise towards the heavens and becomes a perfectly formed cone. Does this phenomenon occur to any other MOABS or is it unique to me alone?

Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 09:11 AM

Actually, Tweed, given your nominal place of residence the tug would be greater at the upper sides of your head, not at the top. One definition of several possible ones (and perhaps the simplest) would describe your head as a right triangle ABC with right angle at the base, A, and the vertex at C with the side BC rotated about the center line AC. Thus the vector applied to the side of your head by the gravitional influence of the moon would cause a "perfect dome" to be formed.

If the gravitational force caused a "perfect dome" by exerting a vector on the top of your head, your head would have had to be flat to begin with.

CLASS ASSIGNMENT: What is the normal shape of Tweed's head?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 03:50 PM

hand waving at the back of the room, over near the window

First define normal, please? And why should this term be applied to Tweed?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 05:19 PM

Normal in this case means the shape of Tweed's head when it is not under the influence of the lunar tides; that is, as it is defined in the first paragraph of my post.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 05:45 PM

I am in a semi-coned state at present. High tide was at 2:55 PM today. It is now 5:36 and the cone is receding somewhat as is it's habit when the seas go out and is completely normal to my way of thinking. I would think that the only way to describe the shape of my skull would be by using an animated .gif image. I must try to put something together soon.

And I wish to thank Rapaire for being kind enough to look upon this condition of mine with his usual objectivity and natural curiousity. Many would only point and laugh at something so out of the norm, not realizing the potential of such a gift.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 07:01 PM

Is it something like this?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 09:28 PM

Wow...talk about BS, look at that poor woman with her head full of pictures!! That's being unduly influenced by quackery, not tidery, which is Tweed's Conehead Syndrome (TCS). TCS sufferers tend to be middle-aged with strong emotional lives, attached to emotional forms of expression such as blues guitar or Wagnerian opera. The condition was reported in the April 1, 2001 edition of Scalpel, the professional journal of the British Association of Ob. Gyn. and related Specialists, who practice their love of women across London.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 10:09 PM

How about blues opera or Wagnerian guitar?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jan 05 - 10:13 PM

Amos, that should be Wagnerian with a "V" sound, not Wagnerian with a "W" sound. The "W" sound came through with your typing. Pay attention to these details, please!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 01:11 AM

Now just a cotton-picking minutem, here. If I type "W" as in "Vagner" the same "W" appears as when I type "W" as in "Wilson Pickett". So it is irrefutably and ineluctably demonstrated thereby that the addition to the symbol "W" of a "Vuh" or a "Wuh" sound is in the eye of he/she who reads the pixel! As chief pixellee of the VAH-gnerian phonemes, SRS< you must cast out the Vee in your own eye.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 01:25 PM

I usually pronounce it as a thorn. Thus "Wagner" becomes "Thagner" and "whisky" becomes "thisky" and "water" becomes "thater" and so forth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 01:33 PM

Ye of little BS--the thorn is the "th" not the "v" sound. So why are you pronouncing V like TH? Amos, it just came through that way, what can I say? Your W looked like a W instead of a W. I think you were leaning on the keyboard a little too hard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 05:33 PM

OK, I'm putting in for Workman's Comp. Obviously I havge lost key operating abilities due to long hours in front of a monitor, as I can no longer tell the perfectly obviosu difference between W, W, W, or the more distinct W.

I guess I should thank you for making me face up to it, SRS!!


LOL



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 05:58 PM

I understand that Laura can't tell between W, either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 06:24 PM

This also explains the results of the last election!! All those people were voting for different W's but punched the same button!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 12:32 AM

Amazing what the BS-meisters can make of even the slightest fluff around here! And Rapaire landed a perfect 10 with his Laura observation. (Is someone keeping score?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 09:49 AM

Oh, now you have done it, SRS. You start handing out scores, people are gonna want prizes. Next thing you know you will swamped with flirtatious missives from every soi-disant bullmeister in town hoping for a piece of that ineffable admiration stuff. Jealousy in the halls of Bull. All night sweat sdessions dreaming up perfect score-getting posts. Aw, jeeze. No thanks. I couldn't stand the stress, and it would drive you crazy! Look what happened to Aine!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 01:26 PM

I don't prostitute chess by playing for money (of course, I'm not really terrific, either), I don't fence competitively, I don't shoot either guns or arrows competitively, and I don't fling the BS competitively.

It is nice to be recognized, though.

Perhaps an award, similar to the Oscars or the Golden Globes or the Critics' Choice, is needed.

May I suggest this?    It's in Latin, so its classy and everything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 01:42 PM

That's a sure winner, Rap. I think SRS should buy you one!! :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 01:52 PM

No, Amos, I think that a committee should vote upon it. A "Best of the Best" award, so to speak. You should certainly be in the running, but Shatner should be eliminated since he is a professional.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 02:10 PM

Well, if it were to come down to a competition, no one can top this entry of Bee-dubya-ells. (scroll a little up that page to get the first couple of bits he posted in the lost dog story). It's the 10 that makes all other 10s actually 9.99999999s. So I won't keep score, but will offer them occasionally as a way to acknowledge excellence.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 02:21 PM

It would be a hard call, between the Fugues of Tweed, the Bathos of BeeDubyaEll, the Riffs of Rapaire, the Cantati of Khandu, the Eleganzi of Little Hawk and the Salients of SRS...I would not want the job myself!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 03:52 PM

The Character of a Fugue:


A fugue generally consists of a series of expositions and developments with no fixed number of either. At its simplest, a fugue might consist of one exposition followed by optional development. A more complex fugue might follow the exposition with a series of developments, or another exposition followed by one or more developments. Fugues that are tonally centered will expose the subject without venturing out of an initial tonic/dominant constellation.

This all conforms to the general pattern of BS here. Sometimes a Fugue d'Tweed may consist of so much fine BS that a series of developments soon follow and sometimes the tide is out and the cone is low. Sometimes Tweed is just fugued. Sometimes Beedubz takes a bath, Rapaire gets ripped, and Khandu's Cantati can't get it up.

Right now we are between low and high cone, by the way. High tide and maximum distortion of my brain will occur at exactly 6:24 PM EST. Unfortunately I will be unable to share any of the Top Flight BS that will spill freely from it at that precise moment as I will be quaffing a cold one at the corner tavern. No doubt I will score low with this, but I have not mentioned the Canadian fellow who overacts one time today, and that should count for at least 5 points on it's own!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 04:00 PM

You have a point there. (To be redundantly sublime, or should that be sublimely redundant?).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 08:40 PM

The Mother seems to have suffered a brief fugue episode. She drifted along and forgot where she was. I found her wandering down near the bottom of the page, but have returned her home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jan 05 - 12:20 AM

This is it for me tonight. One of the rest of you is going to have to come along and boost Mom up overnight, 'cause I'm headed to bed. To read. It's Friday and the kids are at their Dad's house. It's just me and the cats and Mark Twain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jan 05 - 01:38 AM

Gawd, what an elegant concatenation of souls that is!!!

Had I but an invitation there would be celebration beyond measure !

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jan 05 - 01:43 AM

In your dreams! (I lied, I haven't made it to bed yet. But I'm going! The cats are scolding and the book is calling out to be read.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jan 05 - 02:04 AM

Ah, ma'am, but where else than in my dreams. It is still a compliment!! :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Jan 05 - 12:57 PM

Another BS jumping off point! And I beat Tweed to it!

It is easy to demonstrate that dreams often have the character of blatant wish-fullfillments; so much so that one wonders why the language of dreams was not understood long ago. For instance, there is a dream that I can experience at will, experimentally, as it were. When I eat sardines, olives, or other strongly salted foods in the evening, I am awakened in the night by thirst. But the awaking is always preceded by a dream with the same content: I gulp the water down; and it tastes delicious to me as only a cool drink can when one is dying of thirst; and then I wake up and really have to drink. The cause of this simple dream is the thirst which I feel when I awaken. This feeling causes the desire to drink, and the dream shows me this desire fulfilled. It thereby serves a function which I can easily guess. I am a good sleeper, unaccustomed to being awakened by any need. If I can slake my thirst by dreaming that I am drinking, I don't need to wake up in order to be satisfied. Thus this is a convenience dream. The dream is substituted for action, as so often in life. (from this page)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 08 Jan 05 - 02:25 PM

I had a dream last night about a dying chicken, then I went out to the barn this morning to find a dead chicken with blood oozing from it's egg shooter. Must have ruptured something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jan 05 - 02:32 PM

RR,

That demonstrates an intermingling witht he real world while asleep that I would guess qualifies as an out-of-body experience. Or, a sensitivity to feelings and thoughts at a distance. Or both!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jan 05 - 07:58 PM

Because the Mudcat Cafe abounds with wit, wisdom, knowledge, intellect, good looks, music, soul, and other good stuff, I have an idea. As I mentioned earlier, I feel that the Best of the Best of the BS should be recognized, and I will personally spring for the Mudcat Cafe BBBS Prize.

The first prizes can be awarded late next August in the AD 2005, after I go to Alaska and get them.

Professionals, such as William Shatner or George W. Bush or Dan Rather are not, of course, eligible. To even be considered you have to be a member of the Mudcat Cafe, registered and all -- GUESTs of any persuasion, either plain GUESTs or fancy ones (such as GUEST Looooooooooong John Sliver, GUEST freds, GUEST The Giant Squid) are not eligible. And the winner must have an address to which the Award can be sent.

The winner will be decided by a committee composed of those most knowledgeable of and suitable to judge truely quality BS, to whit, Amos, Tweed, SRS, Rustic, Bee Dubya Ell, and Khandu. Little Hawk is hereby named as The Official Backup Member.

You guys vote on the winner and let me know, and in late August or early September I'll send the award out, along with a genuine certificate of achievement, printed on genuine bond paper by a genuine printer attached to a genuine computer and quite suitable for framing.

No award will be sent to someplace called "Twillingsgate" or to anyone who has ever lived there.

Such a deal!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jan 05 - 03:31 PM

Rap:

I like the mug better than the mooseballs, for my part.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jan 05 - 07:18 PM

So do I, but I thought that REAL BS deserves REAL BS, or at least a chance that stuff collected was from a bull moose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jan 05 - 08:33 PM

For durability, you might want to consider awarding a coprolite (this comes from a "fox-like" creature). Or maybe a "bull-turtle" bit of scat would do? Just a thought. Mailing rocks might make the post office happier than mailing shit.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jan 05 - 09:41 PM

I have some coprolite around somewhere. My brother gave it to me -- he polishes it for jewelry. It's actually quite nice.

Once I handed it to a colleague at work, and when they learned what it was they were grossed out. For the life of me I can't imagine why. Really. It's not like it's fresh or anything!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jan 05 - 09:47 PM

Wish fulfillment in dreams? You betcha! I have had dreams about...

Joan Baez
Tina Turner
Cher
Buffy Sainte-Marie
and Winona Ryder!

I even had a dream with both Bob Dylan AND Joan Baez in it once. That one was a real doozy.

Beats me why I never had one about Diana Rigg...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jan 05 - 11:30 PM

SRS:

That image of the stainless steel ruler measuring three varieties of turtle shit, labeled :"TS...xxx" is just too good. It captures the quintessential contrast between the measuring mind of the Western man and the organic flow of reality as an unanalyzed, natural flow in the pre-academic days of Natural Man. Kind of makes you think some, dunnit? :D


A


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