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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 17 May 05 - 07:11 PM
GUEST,Ralphs 17 May 05 - 07:31 PM
GUEST,Norma Fertilesticks 17 May 05 - 11:02 PM
GUEST,Ralphs Prime 17 May 05 - 11:12 PM
GUEST,freds 18 May 05 - 09:15 AM
GUEST,MMario 18 May 05 - 09:21 AM
Acme 18 May 05 - 10:26 AM
Acme 18 May 05 - 01:15 PM
GUEST,MMMMMario 18 May 05 - 01:18 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 18 May 05 - 02:08 PM
GUEST,MMario 18 May 05 - 02:24 PM
Bunnahabhain 18 May 05 - 03:38 PM
Rapparee 18 May 05 - 03:58 PM
GUEST,MMario 18 May 05 - 04:18 PM
GUEST 18 May 05 - 04:55 PM
Rustic Rebel 18 May 05 - 08:04 PM
Amos 18 May 05 - 10:05 PM
GUEST 18 May 05 - 10:53 PM
GUEST 18 May 05 - 10:54 PM
GUEST 18 May 05 - 10:54 PM
GUEST 18 May 05 - 10:54 PM
GUEST 18 May 05 - 10:54 PM
GUEST 18 May 05 - 10:54 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 18 May 05 - 10:55 PM
Amos 18 May 05 - 11:05 PM
Amos 18 May 05 - 11:36 PM
Acme 19 May 05 - 12:05 AM
GUEST,Gluon 19 May 05 - 07:41 AM
Rapparee 19 May 05 - 09:22 AM
Acme 19 May 05 - 09:56 AM
GUEST,MMario 19 May 05 - 10:29 AM
Bunnahabhain 19 May 05 - 11:38 AM
Rapparee 19 May 05 - 11:47 AM
Acme 19 May 05 - 12:32 PM
GUEST,socially Inept 19 May 05 - 12:53 PM
Acme 19 May 05 - 01:52 PM
GUEST,Amos 19 May 05 - 04:25 PM
Rapparee 19 May 05 - 04:41 PM
GUEST,Amos 19 May 05 - 04:45 PM
Acme 19 May 05 - 04:51 PM
Rapparee 19 May 05 - 05:03 PM
Acme 19 May 05 - 06:37 PM
Amos 19 May 05 - 07:53 PM
Rustic Rebel 19 May 05 - 08:26 PM
Amos 19 May 05 - 08:33 PM
Amos 19 May 05 - 08:35 PM
Bunnahabhain 19 May 05 - 08:37 PM
Amos 19 May 05 - 08:37 PM
Amos 19 May 05 - 08:43 PM
Bunnahabhain 19 May 05 - 08:43 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 05 - 07:11 PM

Tell her to go out beyond the horizon in a sailboat. She'll have all the Ralphs she can handle in short order....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs
Date: 17 May 05 - 07:31 PM

Har! If the woman wants Ralphs, she wants Ralphs! Har! No way stinking little puny slimey Freds will do! Har! There are Ralphs and then there is everything else! Har! And everything else is not worth even a miniscule globule of Ralphs expectorant! Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Norma Fertilesticks
Date: 17 May 05 - 11:02 PM

Hi you funny people!!! Do you remember me? i was here about a year ago and thought this was a pretty funny place to read about the good old bs. I am a year older and I don't swim much latly but I still like to do some dives and stuff. i was in school then and I'm not now so I had to go get a job and now i am making twinkies and snowballs and stuff at Hostess. It's a sucky job but if I don;t help out with making twinkies and snowballs and cupcakes then nobody gets to have the great pleasure of eating them!! I hope you guys keep staying funny and that this bs thread goes on for another year or more so everytime I come here I can laugh out LOUD!!! Love Norma
ps-Does that mean minister still come here? He was giving me a hard time I think becuze I am a virgin and I still am and I am going to be that way till I find my REAL MAN!!! I'm 24 years old now and I don't want those mean pretend people to give me a bad time over this OKAY?Bye you funny PEOPLE! haha! Love Norma


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ralphs Prime
Date: 17 May 05 - 11:12 PM

HAR! I AM RALPHS PRIME! SOURCE (HAR!) OF ALL RALPHS!! I AM THE RALPH FATHER--HAR!!--AND THE RALPH MOTHER--HAR!--AND THE RALPH SON--HAR!--AND THE RALPHS HOLY HARVEY!!! HAR!! HAR!! HAR!!




Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 18 May 05 - 09:15 AM

Greetings, dear friends.

My name is unpronouncable, restricted by your anatomy and the fact that you exist in too few dimensions. But I am a Healer Of The Mind.

I have information that several freds may have visited your coordinates in the very recent past, and from evidence here I find the information credible. For your own continued existence I suggest that you have nothing to do with these entities.

Of those who have visited you, the entity which called itself "Debbie Earl" was the most dangerous. This entity still exists; that is, it has not opted for nonexistence, but it IS very securely confined in a compassionate two dimensional matrix. It suffers from an occluded gestalt, hyperextension of n-dimensional violence, and a compulsion to extreme termination and reuse of the vitality principles of its sexual and nonsexual partners during pleasuring/reproductive activities.

No rational and/or sane fred would willingly visit the backwater hole of your planetary/dimensional space. I mean, why would they? So an entity calling itself a fred does come, please inform me or call fred Continua Enforcement. Do not attempt to deal with these entities yourself! My contact code is &4!:9A:..66~9341R and I will answer that code during periods of any activity or inactivity. fCE is, of course, available via the usual Emergency Number.

Thank you for your cooperation in making the Universes safer, better places to exist within and without.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 May 05 - 09:21 AM

the fCE is all very well and good - but what I want to know is there a Ralph Removal Service?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 05 - 10:26 AM

Here it is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 05 - 01:15 PM

MOAB Boing! back to the top!
(sorry it's so big. And where are the feet on this child?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMMMMario
Date: 18 May 05 - 01:18 PM

if you look closely - you will see she is wearing white socks.

foolish child.

Black socks! They never get dirty the longer you wear them the blacker they get!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 May 05 - 02:08 PM

Yet another case of obviously flagrant Fred fraud! "Healer of Mind" is a fake!

Please refer to the following direct quotation:

"No rational and/or sane fred would willingly visit the backwater hole of your planetary/dimensional space. I mean, why would they? So an entity calling itself a fred does come, please inform me or call fred Continua Enforcement."

The poster uses "fred" in the singular. WRONG!!! It has been incontrovertibly established that "Freds" is singular, plural, and communal. The entire race is "Freds". Three individuals are "Freds". One individual is "Freds". There is no such thing as "a Fred"! The concept is foreign to Freds' way of thinking. It's analagous to an Earthling saying "a humanity".

Now "Healer of Mind" will probably come back with some lame-assed excuse about how hesheit made the mistake on purpose to test us lowly humans about how observant we are and how well we're adapting to the subtle yet irrevocable control that Freds are exerting over our minds. Or maybe hesheit will say that the Freds from whom we've gleaned our bit of understanding of Freds grammar are fakes and that genuine Freds do say "a Fred".

Either way, it'll be lies, lies, lies!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 May 05 - 02:24 PM

and Healer of Minds referred to Debbie Earl as "it" - when we all know s/heit is a himherit!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 18 May 05 - 03:38 PM

Thank you for that everyone. There will now be a irrational number of Ralphettes arriving in nine months. You have been warned...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 05 - 03:58 PM

Did I ever mention that my favorite number is the capital (upper case) 6? Not the little ^, but a real capital 6. You don't see them much anymore.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 May 05 - 04:18 PM

yep - don';t see many capital sixes anymore - they've become almost as rare as the lower case ampersand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 18 May 05 - 04:55 PM

Six

, I'd like you to meet ampersand.

ampersand, this is

Six

.

Say hello, you rara avisi, you!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 18 May 05 - 08:04 PM

The village freds have come to conjugate with the wool from the back of a '66 Chevy seat.
The village freds have decided it could serve their purpose well.
The village freds have lost all sense of themselves because of their athlete's feet.
The village freds are starting to swell.

They cry out loud, "Old wool will stop the worms!"
"Old wool will stop them now."
"Old wool, from a seat from a '66 Chev"
"Old wool, old wool."

The village freds can't have no wool, they can't tear up the Chevy seats.
The village freds gonna have to suffer,
The village freds gotta live with them ringworm feets.
The village freds just gotta get a little tougher.

We cry out loud, "Get your grubs off of our old wool"
"Oh yeah, we'll stop you now."
We're protecting our wool from the village freds."
"Our wool, our wool."

Find another planet to fuck with.

Written and performed by the Chevy De-fenders


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 05 - 10:05 PM

Awww. Susy, ya done it again!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 18 May 05 - 10:53 PM

7771 - Extreme good fortune


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 18 May 05 - 10:54 PM

7772 - awaits the one


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 18 May 05 - 10:54 PM

7773 - fortunate enough


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 18 May 05 - 10:54 PM

7774 - to make post


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 18 May 05 - 10:54 PM

7775 - number


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 18 May 05 - 10:54 PM

7776 - 7777


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 May 05 - 10:55 PM

7777!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 05 - 11:05 PM

BW:

Four times good luck be on thy pate
For never thinking of an eight
And, may the gods they spirits leaven
For being always true to "seven"
While some may snarl with hate regressive
Thou art, blithe soul , a true obsessive
Galloping blind from dumber to dumber
By fixating on some goddamn nummer.
If mafic can therein be founded
May magic flood you 'til yer drownded!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 05 - 11:36 PM

A recipe for making strings in the lab
11 May 2005

Theoretical physicists in the Netherlands have proposed a way to make superstrings in the laboratory. If their idea can be put into practice, it would allow aspects of string theory to be explored in an experiment for the first time. The new approach relies on exploiting the properties of ultracold atomic gases (arxiv.org/abs/cond-mat/0505055).

String theorists attempt to explain all the fundamental particles as vibrations on tiny strings on length scales of about 10-33 metres. The theory naturally includes "supersymmetry" - a symmetry that connects particles with integer spin, known as bosons, to particles with half-integer spin, which are known as fermions. The particles that carry the fundamental forces of nature, such as the photon and the gluon, are bosons, while the quarks and leptons that make up matter are fermions. Although superstring theory is the leading candidate for a theory of everything, there is no experimental evidence to date for strings or supersymmetry.


Now Michiel Snoek, Masudul Haque, Stefan Vandoren and Henk Stoof of Utrecht University have proposed making a "non-relativistic Green-Schwarz superstring" by trapping an ultracold cloud of fermionic atoms along the core of a quantized vortex in a Bose-Einstein condensate (BEC). A BEC is a special state of matter in which all the particles are in the same quantum ground state. Bosonic atoms such as rubidium-87 can enter such as state because, unlike fermions, they do not obey the Pauli exclusion principle.

The bosonic part of the superstring would consist of a vortex line created by rapidly rotating a one-dimensional BEC in an optical lattice (see figure). Next, a gas of fermion atoms, such as potassium-40, would be trapped within this vortex, which is possible under certain conditions. Snoek and colleagues say that it should be possible to observe the supersymmetry between the fermions and bosons by carefully tuning the interactions between the two types of atom with a laser.




This may be very important for guitar and banjo players, who really need super-strings, if they aren't just a bunch of organic-heads!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 05 - 12:05 AM

There are times. . .

when I wonder if this BS is sticking so well that it will knock the real information out of my head. Case in point, Amos' last post. Real or hyperreal or BS?

Inquiring minds and all of that. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Gluon
Date: 19 May 05 - 07:41 AM

QUARK!!! QUARK!!! QUARK!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 05 - 09:22 AM

Amos. There is but one question in my mind about making superstrings.

As I'm sure you're aware, ultimately all science improves the lot of people, that no one has lost a dime on basic R&D. That not only the initial discoveries repay many thousand-fold, but that the spinoffs -- the discoveries generated by the discovery, if you will -- repay as well. One need only look at the miniaturization necessitated by the US space program and the vast number of things that has affected, from submarines to RFID chips to the spin-stabilized quark memory that your computer uses for data storage to the nanobots which course through your bloodstream and defend you against genetic diseases. This being the case, I feel it imperative to ask the basic question, the core question if you will, about this aspect of superstring research: assuming that the researchers do indeed create superstrings, which would be best for tying on a caddis nymph: a nail knot or a clinch knot? And what kind of backing should I tie to?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 05 - 09:56 AM

Aha! It comes full circle! Ages ago, in a computer far, far away (we presume--it hasn't been seen since it was lugged out of my door by burglars on Feb. 18) is a link for a site on Knot Theory. I kept that link because it was new and interesting and LEGIT! Heck with the string theory, you want to start looking into Knot Theory.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 19 May 05 - 10:29 AM

if you really wantr superstrings wouldn't it be much easier to go to Kandor, Kryton or Argos and just buy some? Then when exposed to the radiation of our yellow sun and the lesser gravity of Earth...

VIOLA! Superstring!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 19 May 05 - 11:38 AM

10-33 meters? A bango with stings that length would definitly take over a session....

And if you meant 10 to the power of -33 how could you tune it? It would end up no better than a bodhran?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 05 - 11:47 AM

Have you considered that bodhrans might just be banjos with really short strings, super or otherwise?

And I just realized that "banjo" would be pronounced "banho" in Spanish, and could easily be confused with the word "ba~no". If you are playing banjo at a Hispanic folk festival you might want to be very careful in your pronunciation. Also if you are telling folks how old you are or how long the group has been together -- it's easy to muff it and say "Tengo viente anos" or "Tenemos siete anos" instead of "Tenemos siete a~nos" or "Tengo viente a~nos." That li'l ol' tilde is right important.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 05 - 12:32 PM

Then put the tilde on TOP of the n, not beside it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,socially Inept
Date: 19 May 05 - 12:53 PM

Dear Miss Manners and/or Abby:

Is it couth to tell someone their tilde has slipped? Or to be polite should one just ignore it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 05 - 01:52 PM

True story:

I lived in Seattle in the mid-1970s and worked near the waterfront downtown. I rode the bus to within two blocks of my office building, and walked those two short blocks and crossed one big avenue. As I walked from the bus a woman several paces ahead of me was carrying a large tote over her right shoulder in such a way that with every step it was managing to hike her mid-thigh-length skirt higher in back, up her leg and up to her hip. All the world could see what was under her skirt, and as I hurried to catch up with her I watched the waiting traffic at the cross walk stare with wide-eyed interest at her display. I caught Tilde and simply said "your skirt is up to your waist!" and she hurridly moved the bag and fixed it, grateful for my intervention. The man in the car who was next to get a clear view was visibly angered that I mentioned Tilde's hip.

So, it depends on whose tilde it is that has slipped, as to whether it will get mentioned or not. But it seems good manners to say something. On the other hand, in grammar, if you know what they mean to say, and interrupting to point out a misplaced tilde is going to interrupt the conversation, then perhaps it is best left alone.

Since this was posted by a tech-savvy librarian who plays with html like it's his first language, catching him in goofed up html probably comes under the heading of "online sport."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 19 May 05 - 04:25 PM

Most gentlemen are crucially aware when their tilde slips. The usual remedy is to replace and use shorter phonemes.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 05 - 04:41 PM

Messed up librarians don’t do html. Or, more
to the point, messed up librarians might be
far to busy to do html for a “ñ” when said
messed-up librarian has a budget hearing
within ten minutes of posting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 19 May 05 - 04:45 PM

WASHINGTON, May 19 (Reuters) - Two separate teams of researchers working hundreds of miles apart have discovered a new species of monkey in Tanzania.


The highland mangabey is a medium-sized monkey, about 3 feet (90 cm) tall with a long tail, long brown fur, a black face, hands and feet.

Adults make a distinctive, loud, low-pitched "honk-bark" call. They live in mountainside trees at elevations of up to 8,000 feet (2,400 metres).



Emphasis added. I suspect the universe is dicking around with us for inventing Gluon. These things happen -- observation collapses and reifies a subset of a probability wave, producing the condesate known as real events. When you add BS to observation, the fermions and bosons get so confused they cross-reify as imaginary animals which have honk-bark or quark sounds. BS gives a whole new definition to the cliched notion of quantum entaglment, and, like entanglement, works flawlessly in total disregard of normal spatial dimensions.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 05 - 04:51 PM

Excuses, excuses! Tell 'em to wait a couple of minutes for their darned ol' budget hearing, you have to post BS to Mudcat!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 05 - 05:03 PM

Finally I have found a font, color, and display that is damned near impossible to read. Something to offend EVERYONE!!!

Yay for me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 05 - 06:37 PM

You think that marquee is difficult to read? Just highlight text, control c, then control v in notepad. And there it is, if you don't want to let it run by for a few passes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 05 - 07:53 PM

You sound like one of them mangabeys, Maggie! :D But I have heard you are over three feet tall.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 19 May 05 - 08:26 PM

Yes Amos I really gone and done it again allright. That was one strange piece! A close to your super string theory.
As for reading that marquee, that was funnier than quark trying to read it as fast as I could before it disappeared before mine own eyes!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 05 - 08:33 PM

There once was a lass out of Natchez,
Whose garments were always in patches
She would stand by the gate
(7798)
And wonder just where her thatch is.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 05 - 08:35 PM

There once was a lady from Paris
Who fell for a gent, name of Harris
She would wait in a line
(7799)
And cry out, "There is! It is Harris!"

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 19 May 05 - 08:37 PM

Only the adults are 3 ft tall. The young are start around 37 ft tall*, and take up to 90 years to shrink to become an adult. This remarkable life cycle has not been noticed, as the monkeys grab a handful of leaves whenever an inquisitive ape of another species goes past, and are so mistaken for a tree.
*No, the births are not difficult. The courtship riutal of the species has become rather elaborate, as the males must demonstrate an impressive abilty to hyper-inflate space-time. This is used to elongate the young from 3 inches, when born, to 37 feet ten seconds later. This ability is due to the specalised diet of the monkeys, containing a high proportion of a certain rare flower. Unfortunatly, when the paper is published with the exact species of flower, the 'herbal viagra' idustry will have a field day.

Full details of this astounding new theory to follow, when I have consulted Full with my collegues Ardbeg, Theobroma Cacao, and C. T. Oinons.


Bunnahabhain.

P.S.
I would not have posted this arcane research, except to reallow the possibility that maggie, may indeed, be a highland mangabey.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 05 - 08:37 PM

There once was a woman who trotted
Where the wide Western plains are besotted
With bison who thundered
(Oh! 7800)
And with droppings make the grasslands all spotted.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 05 - 08:43 PM

Oh, woe on your pate, dear Buunahabain
You have stepped on the fun I was habain
And threw off my number
Like a reckless old bumber,
When will you stop misbehaibin?

Never mind -- you won it randomly fair and randomly square.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 19 May 05 - 08:43 PM

There is a such a thing as trying too hard, Amos.
At least it's not Flamenco ted swooping in...


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