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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 20 Apr 13 - 10:59 PM
gnu 20 Apr 13 - 09:56 PM
Acme 20 Apr 13 - 08:02 PM
Amos 20 Apr 13 - 05:06 PM
Acme 20 Apr 13 - 04:31 PM
Acme 20 Apr 13 - 01:25 AM
Rapparee 19 Apr 13 - 09:46 PM
Amos 19 Apr 13 - 01:04 PM
GUEST,Still Sober In Blind River 19 Apr 13 - 12:36 PM
Amos 19 Apr 13 - 01:33 AM
Rapparee 18 Apr 13 - 10:06 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 18 Apr 13 - 06:36 PM
Rapparee 18 Apr 13 - 03:09 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 18 Apr 13 - 11:59 AM
Amos 18 Apr 13 - 11:04 AM
Rapparee 18 Apr 13 - 09:36 AM
Amos 18 Apr 13 - 12:07 AM
gnu 17 Apr 13 - 06:57 PM
Rapparee 17 Apr 13 - 06:47 PM
Amos 17 Apr 13 - 03:47 PM
Little Hawk 17 Apr 13 - 03:42 PM
Rapparee 17 Apr 13 - 03:31 PM
Amos 17 Apr 13 - 11:07 AM
Rapparee 17 Apr 13 - 09:40 AM
Acme 17 Apr 13 - 08:57 AM
Rapparee 16 Apr 13 - 09:11 PM
Amos 16 Apr 13 - 07:57 PM
Joe Offer 16 Apr 13 - 04:14 PM
Amos 16 Apr 13 - 03:08 PM
gnu 16 Apr 13 - 03:01 PM
Rapparee 16 Apr 13 - 02:31 PM
MMario 16 Apr 13 - 12:18 PM
Amos 16 Apr 13 - 12:02 PM
Little Hawk 15 Apr 13 - 11:57 PM
Amos 15 Apr 13 - 10:44 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 13 - 09:49 PM
Amos 15 Apr 13 - 08:51 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 13 - 07:24 PM
Acme 15 Apr 13 - 04:23 PM
Rapparee 15 Apr 13 - 04:04 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 15 Apr 13 - 01:15 PM
Amos 15 Apr 13 - 01:09 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 15 Apr 13 - 12:58 PM
Amos 15 Apr 13 - 10:51 AM
Rapparee 15 Apr 13 - 09:32 AM
Amos 14 Apr 13 - 11:06 PM
Rapparee 14 Apr 13 - 10:12 PM
Rapparee 14 Apr 13 - 10:02 PM
Little Hawk 14 Apr 13 - 08:21 PM
Acme 14 Apr 13 - 07:58 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 10:59 PM

I was the most easily housebroken, that's way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 09:56 PM

Ahhhh...let me try to get this straight.. imaginary shit is invented about imaginary shit what is invented about imaginary shit?

Okay. Seems within the boundaries of Mom. After all, even the imaginary are her chillins. And, she loves em all equally (ceptin Rap, whom she loves best... fer really why he ain't said but best to leave that can fulla yer worms alone).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 08:02 PM

Heh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 05:06 PM

She was trying to get shut of SIster Mc{hee, who kept telling her she should get off the bottle and get straight with Jayzes and gawd. Mom challenged her, asking her if she'd ever even TRIED single malt; the good Sister confessed she had not, and Mom thought she'd won the day. I mean, because, how can you get all up in Mom's business telling he to quit when you don't even know what it is like. So Sister McPhee rallied to the challenge and swore she would try a shot. But it would have to be disguised as she was in her habit and it would be a huge embarrassment to be seen sipping the devil's brew and all.

So Mom goes into the saloon right next to where they are arguing and tells Jake McCall the bartender she needs a shot of his best single malt and to put it in a teacup, please.

So Jake looks at her and sez, "Oh, is that fucking nun out there again?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 04:31 PM

WELL! No one woke me - thanks for letting me sleep in - but it looks like no one has been near the house for hours. MOM nearly toppled off the bottom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Apr 13 - 01:25 AM

I am exhausted. Don't wake me in the morning. Someone feed the dogs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Apr 13 - 09:46 PM

"Sorry-ass". An excellent description, Amos. Perhaps she can arrange to have him prayed over in relays for a week or two.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Apr 13 - 01:04 PM

I am getting in touch with Sister McPhee, who lives nearby, to see if she can intervene and get his sorry ass into a dry-out program which she runs in a bunch of chicken coops on her back acre. The aspirants are rigidly schooled in religion, abstinence, prayer, humility, and basic farm labor techniques. They help with farm chores in exchange for their extensive enlightenment. I have been told they are maintained on a healthy diet of oatmeal, peanut butter, rice and kidney beans.

SIster McPhee and I go way back, having been wild-eyed hippies back int he Sixties. We lived together in a large refrigerator carton under the Golden Gate Bridge, and sang folk songs to tourists for handouts, up in North Beach. What a life, eh? Of course that was before she got religion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Still Sober In Blind River
Date: 19 Apr 13 - 12:36 PM

Friends, do you know that my half-brother Shane McBride has been arrested and is currently locked up? He was trying to bribe a policeman with stale doughnuts from Tim Horton's; the policeman was arresting him for the usual -- drunk and disorderly, possession of illegal drugs, annoying people by asking for handouts, etcetera.

I do so wish that he would change his ways! I'd be willing to mentor him through a 12-step programme. That would be my duty as a good Christian and as his half-brother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Apr 13 - 01:33 AM

We could hire them to go around painting the word "gullible" on the ceilings in various places--oh! Looks like they've already been here. Looky that! Hand-painted in perfect CUrrier Type.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 10:06 PM

I have an excellent idea.

Chonga could become Shame's monkey! As Shame grinds his organ Chonga could dance around, do handstands and stuff like that and then collect money from the bystanders. This would put both of them to work doing things they are best fitted for doing and so they would be happy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 06:36 PM

Izzat right? Really? Why am I skeptical? Hmmm.

Well, I guess I'll check on it and see if yer tellin' the truth or just spreadin' a buncha false propaganda like usual.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 03:09 PM

Amos is correct about Poisson Ives. His work hangs in the Prado, the Louvre, the Uffizi, the National Gallery in DC, the Chicago Art Institute, and other galleries of ill repute.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 11:59 AM

Makin' up idle fantasies about imaginary characters again, Amos? I thought you was above that sorta foolishness.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 11:04 AM

Poisson Ives, sir, was a nineteenth-century French essayist and water-colorist of the first rank. He was feted by the very best people, introduced in royal courts, and redefined the whole tenor of pre-existential Gallic maundering. Do not speak to me of Poisson Ives in the same breath which discusses currier types. Currier Types was the worst font ever designed for the Macintosh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 09:36 AM

Is that the poisson ives kind?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Apr 13 - 12:07 AM

Well, see, there are really two different kinds of people in the world. There's the currier sort, and then there's the ives kind.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 06:57 PM

I detest curry. NAY.. I gag curry. Wouldn't feed it to a cur if bitten.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 06:47 PM

My groundmother used to wait for the sour cut to cur.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 03:47 PM

I am sure Joe's daughters are not dogs of the sort that go around curring others, especially since their family motto is "Non mittet in aliis Curare ". Which means don't go around curring folks.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 03:42 PM

More than that...before a swarm of enraged Dachshunds can cur him!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 03:31 PM

But then Joe's friend will be rigid! He'll have to be warned before daughters can cur him!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 11:07 AM

Criteria condition! We'll have to put him in the Icey You! That would at least slow down the multiplication of phenomena.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 09:40 AM

Are you sure the word is "friend"? It could be "fiend".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Apr 13 - 08:57 AM

I can imagine the scene: Joe gets a goofy (needs a little translation) email. He thinks "I could start a thread at Mudcat. . . " but he himself has chastised others for the slight reasons they start BS threads. . . wait! There's the MOAB! Perfect!

Or something like that. Well played, Joe. I hope your friend doesn't end up in criteria condition. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 09:11 PM

Amos, you could always run for political office.

My brother lost his bid to be Mayor of Athens. That's AYE-thens, like in Illinois, not like the one in Greece or Ohio. He won't run for a political office again, he says. I told him he was wise, for it would give him more time to enjoy drinking and playing the trombone (he does both at the same time because he's got talent).

Stick around, Joe. You never know what'll happen here next.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 07:57 PM

Our humbled and hallowed halls are made both haler and holier by the presence of Joe Offer to the House of MOAB. Especially with a world-class proposition like that.

I have come down with phenomena myself several times, and it is not pleasant. You try to sleep it off and just when you think you're back on your feet, phenomena raises their ugly head and hits you when you least expect it. Drastic measures must be resorted to to prevent a rapid decline into the sordid fields of insurance sales or home appraisal.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Joe Offer
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 04:14 PM

I have to tell you about an e-mail report I got about an acquaintance who's in the hospital:
    She had a recent fall and now has phenomena.
I wonder how the message would would have come out if the sender didn't have a spellchecker....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 03:08 PM

MM:

Congratulations on the pregnancy, and also on not having anything to do with it.

Rapp, thanks for the suggestion, but I think the remedy should fit the offense, and therefore imaginary penance is all I can do. Anything more real would be inappropriate, ill-considered, inconsiderate and impecunious.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 03:01 PM

W ain't a sometimes, A? Y I O U A E anywhay, eh? Or, as in the PROPER Queen's English... Wy i o u a e anywhay, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 02:31 PM

That's great! I hope she and the baby and the gentleman involved are ecstatic about it. Really!

We are thinking of a tour to NWT during this coming cold season to see the aurora. You can easily make amends in Canada, Amos, by spending money.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 12:18 PM

howdy hi!

droppped in to brag....(not that I really have anything to do with it,)

My niece-in-Tokyo is pregnant!!!!!

Due October.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Apr 13 - 12:02 PM

I am not sure I would want to be accepted into a society that thinks those amends are desirable, LH. It's a club I wouldn't care to belong to. I am interested in international harmony, however, so I have done as my Canadian friends have taught me, and hereby offer full-blown imaginary penances just as you describe them. Since my few faults are almost entirely the imaginary products of overheated Canadian minds, this should prove quite satisfactory.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 11:57 PM

Yeah, your name is pretty close to mud up here in the Great White North, Amos. I'm not sure what you can do to make it right. Maybe if you wore a hair shirt and beat yourself severely with the cat-o-nine-tails for a week or two, we would look on you more kindly. That's it! A little penance and self-flagellation should get you back in everybody's good books toot sweet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 10:44 PM

I am really in trouble with the Canadians right now. Little Hawk keeps trying to make me do pushups as if he thought I was some sort of soldier in his own special army, and not only that but he imaginates Chongo into violating our treaty and calling me names. I am sure Jack the Sailor is irritated with me for my semi-agnostic stance, and I haven't heard from Peacer in quite a while.

Maybe I should do a PR and Peace Tour through the Provinces.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 09:49 PM

Well then, I guess my case is lost & I'll never again use something that doesn't exist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 08:51 PM

Specious and disingenuous, counselor. Non-responsive.

Chongo, I did not abrogate the treaty. You did. Don't give me that Soviet-style justification crap. You don't even pass the physical exam for North Korea!   You're a couple of inches too short.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 07:24 PM

But all of The Past and all of The Future is contained in The Now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 04:23 PM

Latin alphabet, as for example in Byrhtferð's list of letters from 1011

I rest my case. 1002 year old citation. That ampersand has expired.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 04:04 PM

Now THAT'S the pot calling the kettle black!

Whatever Amos says about Chonga is probably true.

And vice-versa.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 01:15 PM

Oh, it's gonna be like that, is it? Okay, buster. You want a fight, you got one. Do yer worst, you sorry human disgrace to all that is natural and decent.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 01:09 PM

So, Chongo, I take it you are abrogating the treaty of non-aggression that was arranged upthread by your Creator and myself? You realize, of course, that this opens you to being fair game for any truths about you I wish to express, no matter how uncomfortable they may be, including the story of your more-intelligent-than-you sister Chinga, the fleshware entrepreneuress?

It might be embarrassing to you for people to know you have been shown up by a mere madame, while you yourself have never managed to keep the same roof over your head for more than six months before you are asked to leave on grounds of poop-flinging and non-payment of rent.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 12:58 PM

A    First letter in "anal". ;-D Ook! Ook!

- Chongo

p.s. Also "anus" and "asinine".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 10:51 AM

You make my point for me.

OUt by Arcturus there's a small orange and green planet where the natives speak a dramatically fluid language--all the words are soft and mellifluous. ALL their letters are vowels. The first vowel is "A".

In English, as the well-educated speak it, the vowels are A, E, I , O, U, and sometimes Y. Other tongues may vary.

A.

First Vowel


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 13 - 09:32 AM

"W" is not a vowel? How EVER do you get along in Wales, dear boy?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Apr 13 - 11:06 PM

G is not a vowel, and W is not a vowel, but you are a Scurrilous Curmudgeon.


A

First Vowel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 13 - 10:12 PM

By the way, it was a very nice quilt show. I was just sitting there, resting, and won the "Viewer's Choice" award.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 13 - 10:02 PM

The ampersand often appeared as a letter at the end of the Latin alphabet, as for example in Byrhtferð's list of letters from 1011. Similarly, & was regarded as the 27th letter of the English alphabet, as used by children (in the USA). An example may be seen in M. B. Moore's 1863 book "The Dixie Primer, for the Little Folks." In her 1859 novel Adam Bede, George Eliot refers to this when she makes Jacob Storey say: "He thought it [Z] had only been put to finish off th' alphabet like; though ampusand would ha' done as well, for what he could see."

Tsk, tsk. You'd think someone who worked in a library would know this sort of thing. Why, I learned it when I was a mere tad...wait, back then it WAS considered the last letter of the alphabet....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Apr 13 - 08:21 PM

The taxi companies in Orillia all want to grab first spot in the phone listing, Amos, so they have names like Able, AAA, A-1, Action, etc. I am waiting for one to start up now that's called Aaaaaardvark Taxi Company. ;-) That would be hard to beat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Apr 13 - 07:58 PM

Ampersand a vowel? You'll have to show where someone even CONSIDERED it.


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