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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 07 Dec 11 - 12:33 PM
Acme 07 Dec 11 - 12:27 PM
Amos 07 Dec 11 - 11:35 AM
Acme 07 Dec 11 - 10:03 AM
Amos 07 Dec 11 - 09:59 AM
Rapparee 07 Dec 11 - 09:25 AM
Little Hawk 07 Dec 11 - 01:10 AM
Rapparee 06 Dec 11 - 10:52 PM
Amos 06 Dec 11 - 10:48 PM
Little Hawk 06 Dec 11 - 07:05 PM
Amos 06 Dec 11 - 06:36 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 11 - 02:39 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 11 - 02:36 PM
Amos 06 Dec 11 - 02:32 PM
Little Hawk 06 Dec 11 - 01:34 PM
Amos 06 Dec 11 - 01:29 PM
Little Hawk 06 Dec 11 - 11:11 AM
Amos 06 Dec 11 - 09:37 AM
Rapparee 06 Dec 11 - 09:36 AM
Little Hawk 05 Dec 11 - 11:55 PM
Amos 05 Dec 11 - 08:30 PM
Little Hawk 05 Dec 11 - 06:16 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 11 - 05:50 PM
Little Hawk 05 Dec 11 - 03:52 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 11 - 02:55 PM
gnu 05 Dec 11 - 02:15 PM
Amos 05 Dec 11 - 12:40 PM
Acme 05 Dec 11 - 12:39 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 05 Dec 11 - 12:27 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 11 - 10:37 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 05 Dec 11 - 01:12 AM
Rapparee 04 Dec 11 - 10:52 PM
gnu 04 Dec 11 - 09:14 PM
Little Hawk 04 Dec 11 - 09:05 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 11 - 09:01 PM
Amos 04 Dec 11 - 07:05 PM
Acme 04 Dec 11 - 05:28 PM
gnu 04 Dec 11 - 05:27 PM
Amos 04 Dec 11 - 05:23 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 11 - 05:10 PM
Amos 04 Dec 11 - 02:47 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 11 - 02:19 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 11 - 02:15 PM
Acme 04 Dec 11 - 01:08 PM
Amos 04 Dec 11 - 12:39 PM
Amos 04 Dec 11 - 12:19 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 11 - 08:48 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 03 Dec 11 - 11:28 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 11 - 11:16 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 11 - 11:05 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 12:33 PM

I shall endeavor to make the area in which Stilly moves pleasantly warm all winter. No snow for her to skid in, gentle breezes only, and a pleasing 72° F. with the scent and views of flowers and trees.

Outside of that little bubble, who knows? Between Bush and Perry the place is pretty well screwed up. I may have to have a Massive Intervention.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 12:27 PM

You got that right!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 11:35 AM

It's bad enough having a rampant narcissistic teleological nihilistic solipsist on the thread, but to have one who can't even keep Texas warm is pretty discouraging.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 10:03 AM

Rap, careful as you slosh around in Canada. Their weird weather leaks out and dribbles down to Texas. After last summer, we don't need extreme lows this winter. We'd prefer tropical.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 09:59 AM

Maybe he was just badly brought up, ya think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 09:25 AM

I probably shouldn't have had all that wine. Canada was supposed to be a tropical paradise. Well, if I adjust the poles just, oh, say, 90° it will be...hmmm...tilt it to the left, so the Yukon has warm weather...maybe switch Nunavut with Ontario...yeah, could work....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 01:10 AM

I should think NOT! What we see around us in this world is definitely "a work in progress".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 10:52 PM

I previously explained how I created Shame. I did this using the mind of my creation called "Little Hawk." That way I don't have to do all the work.

This is all true because before me was Nothing, Chaos. I remember that quite well and how much trouble it was to arrange things as they are now. Oh, yes -- I'm still not finished.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 10:48 PM

Oh, I don't think there will be any problem. For one thing, Shakin' Willie is s poet and loves good conversation.

For another he has more backup than you can shake a chimp at. So either way he has no fear.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 07:05 PM

Yes, but what he doesn't realize is that Shane created him! And I created Shane....which means....that....

Omigod.

WHAT HAVE I DONE??????????????

***

Amos, you misunderstand Chongo's good intentions. His actions are entirely dependent upon Shaking Willie's actions, you see. If Mr Willie is merely intent on paying me a pleasant social call, then Chongo will be happy to sit down with him, offer him a drink and a cigar, and discuss fine literature like the Raymond Chandler novels and Sam Spade. If, on the other hand, Shaking Willie proves to have some harmful intentions towards mois, then Chongo will rip his head off, stuff it down his throat sideways, and leave his bullet-riddled body tied upsidedown to a nearby lamp post as a warning to the unwise.

This seems like a reasonable enough approach to me, it's clear and simple, easy to understand, and it leaves Shaking Willie entirely in charge of whether he lives or dies, dependent strictly on his own actions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 06:36 PM

Oh hear the bold Narcissus scoff
Rejecting everyone's existence
And further (just to piss us off)
Insisting, with bizarre persistence,
That you and I and we are he,
And only he can be an I,
And none but he can freely be
Beneath the cold Narcissan sky.
Thus, such a one is Rapparee
Who knows you each are his invention,
And knows the world as one great Me
(Though Heaven knows, with what intention).

Dolores Addlepate, Graduate
Limerick School Of Secretarial Skills and Computer Applications
Dublin, 1967


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 02:39 PM

Hey, I don't give a flying doughnut WHAT you think! After all, I thunk you up, didn't I? So whatever YOU think is actually MY thought, and therefore I can't care what one of my creatures thinks because all thoughts are mine anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 02:36 PM

samizdat: a key form of dissident activity across the Soviet bloc in which individuals reproduced censored publications by hand and passed the documents from reader to reader. This grassroots practice to evade officially imposed censorship was fraught with danger as harsh punishments were meted out to people caught possessing or copying censored materials.

I gotta do ALL the work around this joint....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 02:32 PM

See, there you go. First impulse, bring out the animals with gats. Sic Chongo and Rapparee on anyone with a spark of self-determination or independent thought. Crush the creative spark under the boots of imagniary brutality!!

I shake my head and sigh for your deeply reactive impulses, sir. For fie.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 01:34 PM

LOL!!!

I guess I'll call up Chongo and alert him to the situation. I have little doubt that he can take care of Shaking Willie (whose literary brilliance is actually quite impressive).

But Amos, what in hell is the samizdat community?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 01:29 PM

Shaking Willie Geronimo Smith--the Poet Laureate of the 9th Street and Avenue A Generation -- is peeved as hell that I posted his stellar work on Shatner, which some critics in the samizdat community have called the definitive analysis of Shatners peculiar qualities. For one thing he had wanted to polish it a bit. I told him it would be gilding the lily, that he had acheived nearly the zenith of Shakespearean elegance in is finely formed piece, but he still grumbled.

I told him the world needed to hear his impeccable voice in order to burst the filmy gauze of their mass illusion concerning this overweight has-been thespian. Still, he grumbled.

I told him that Little Hawk has givenmore attention to Rapparree's senseless quibbling than he had to Shaking Willie's literary brilliance, and he said he could always hunt Little Hawk down and kill him.

Then he put on his leather jacket and left, taking the freight elevator down to the back door that opens onto the alley leading to 9th Street.

I dunno what he plans to do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 11:11 AM

"If he did exist why haven't I been struck down dead for my disbelief?"

Because the Great Shatner is all-forgiving and full of compassion, that's why! He forgives unregenerate sinners such as yourself, Rap, and draws them tenderly to his celestial (and hairless) bosom.

But he might make an exception in Amos's case! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 09:37 AM

Your sickness, sir, doth rise and fall like the constant tide;
and when the moon doth call it up, brings to the shore
A scurrilous invent'r'y of rotted things--
Cast offs and trashes of a thousand ships,
The haunting remnants of a broken love,
The corpses of forgotten war, in parts and pieces
And the ghosts of horrid plastic souls.
And such a one is Shatner--he,
Obese, forgotten, cast off for
His unbecoming mediocrity,
Who never graced an artist's place
Or spoke a human soul
Comes out like old Sargasso leavings on the tide
When fevers in your soul rise up
And heave, like the loveless, frosted tide.

Shakin' Will Geronimo Smith
Po8 Lauri8 of the Ninth Street and Avenue "A" Generation


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 09:36 AM

I don't think Shatner exists. I think he's a figment, made up in Hollywood like Shrek and Mickey Mouse. If he did exist why haven't I been struck down dead for my disbelief?

No, never again will I believe in Shatner. I am proud to call myself an ashatnerist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 11:55 PM

Well, we are closing in pretty fast on 43,000. What I would like to do now is say a prayer to the Great Shatner to guide us safely and securely across yet another significant milestone in the progress of the MOABS Threads.

(All bow your heads and kneel...)

Our Captain
Who art allmighty
Hallowed be your name!
Give us this day
Our alloted BS
And protect us from the snares
Of political threads!
And lead us not into religious debates
But deliver us from personal vendettas
Which would lead to mean words
And unpleasant characterizations
And ensure that our fantasy characters
Do not have their identities tampered with
By a malicious few
For thine is the program
The journey
And the triumph
FOREVER AND EVER!
HAIL SHATNER!!!!


(All rise...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 08:30 PM

Be angry with your imaginary creature
And beat him when he sneezes
He's only trying to defeat yer,
Because he knows it teases.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 06:16 PM

Heh! Well, the boy has finally begun using his head, Rap. I fear what damage he may yet do to the world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 05:50 PM

It's okay, LH. I don't mind matching wits with an unarmed man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 03:52 PM

Cut it out, Shane! Enough of this "Rapparee" nonsense, I say. It's getting downright rude and offensive. Go back to stealing Don's beer and pestering the girls at Timmie's, willya?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 02:55 PM

The lumpy parts I put in the back of Shame's underwear, and he's kept them renewed all by himself! We should all be proud of the boy for that, because it took him a long time to learn how to do that. Now he's working on learning how to do "Number One."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 02:15 PM

King Lew would be proud.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 12:40 PM

In the hall where the mirrors rule
Nothing is straight, or plumb, or true.
Only the echoes have the floor,
Disjointed, and all askew.
Wind, dust, violate the light
And the mirrors feed on hopes of night.
No being is there but broke-dick jadrools
In the hall where the mirrors rule.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 12:39 PM

It's snowing east of here today. Where did you guys leave the sled last time you used it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 12:27 PM

See? It is workin' great, eh? The Bolthole from Boise thinks he is from this other jerkwater place called Poclatello, but he ain't really from nowheres except from my brillyant mind, that is where! I made him what he flippin' is today! And that ain't much. Kinda like a flyspeck on a flippin' pickup trucks' windshield if ya ask me.

I am gonna write a song about him next. Wait fer it, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 10:37 AM

You're right, Shame. The "Bolthole from Boise" vanished. Sure glad I don't live there. Yup, you thought him up real good.

Now, as for you -- one day I blew my nose and when I saw what came out (all green and slimy and sort of lumpy) I thought of you and POOF! there you were. A poof, but all green and slimy and sort of lumpy...like you still are.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 01:12 AM

Hey, Rap? The real truth is I flippin' thoght YOU up, man. I did. I was sittin' arownd on, like, a real slow day...and I started thinkin' like who would be the dumbest possible bolthole that could ever even live? Who? And I thunk you up. It was a stroak of flippin' geenius, man! The Bolthole from Boise was flippin' born in that hystorick moment, eh?

I have been, like, playin' arownd with the idea ever since. When I get real bored or don't have nothin' else to do then I make you, my flippin' creashion, post totally stoopid stuff on the Net, eh? And the greatest part is this: You don't even flippin' KNOW that I am makin' you do it...just like the puppete master pullin' the strings, know'm sayin'? The flippin' puppet thinks HE is pullin' the strings!

I was worryin' that if I tole you this you woudl flippin' vanish or somethin', but then I reelized I could make you not beleeve it anyways, so it wouldn't matter.

Ha! Ha! Ha! The laffs just keep comin'! The Bolthole from Boise speaks and the hole flippin' world gets a laff and a haff!

Now I am gonna make you say somethin' else stoopid. Any time now. When I am ready to.

Keep watchin' for it, folks. Youse can all thank me for the flippin' ennertanement when "Rapparee" posts again, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 10:52 PM

I've been telling you and telling you -- you only exist because I thought you up.

(No need to thank me, except with massive amounts of tax-free USD.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 09:14 PM

I may have to take up smokin dope again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 09:05 PM

Everything is thought, good people. Yes, even we are thought-forms, phantasms that appear for a short while in space and time, then vanish to realms unglimpsed by those who wearily or merrily tread upon the Earth...a world which is itself an immense thought-form composed of uncountable trillions of thoughts, dreams, and celestial archetypes wrought into atomic structure.

My advice is, let your thoughts be joyful ones that illuminate and uplift, for in this way we can make of our dream a happy story, not a sad one.

***

Moving on from that, I want to let you all know that Chongo, in the spirit of good fellowship and reconciliation, has purchased one of Bobert's forthcoming CDs, and I have purchased another. I think it fine of Chongo to make such a gesture. He is a chimp with a lot of heart. It's no small thing for a naturalized American ape to overlook repeated accusations of "poopflinging"!

As for Shane, I couldn't interest him in doing the same after he found out that it's not a sex DVD with "naked babes from the States", but only a music CD. I could've lied to him about it and gotten another sale for Bobert, but that's not my way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 09:01 PM

Amos is sayin' that you did such a good job that it looks like it's been there all along.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 07:05 PM

The invisibility of completion, dear Maggie, is an inherent aspect of the beauty of the thing; the vanishment of effort brings out the mysterious depths of the Result in all its glory.
This then becomes part of the Qualitas of the space, the Whatness of the Which, the source of all comfort and pride, the definition of Mastery, or, as the case here may be, Mistressy.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 05:28 PM

Meanwhile, Little Hawk keeps his menagerie of sprites and mental floss in a hobbit house over near a peat bog.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 05:27 PM

Chemistry?.... http://www.ovguide.com/jekyll-and-hyde...-together-again-9202a8c04000641f800000000477f0d5

Good movie, as I recall.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 05:23 PM

Ah, well, good Rapp, I am from a different part of the forest, where occasional glimpses of sunlight still penetrate.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 05:10 PM

It could also be because they ignore you. I had that problem when I was younger, being ignored. No one thought to ask my opinion on things, people would trip over me, use me for a cleaning rag. But I discovered that they find it hard to ignore you when you go pee-pee in their pockets. So I did. Then they wondered how their pockets got filled with pee-pee, for they still ignored me. Not knowing what else to do I took up explosives, and while they still ignored me they couldn't ignore it when the wall of the room would suddenly explode, or the toilet, or their cigar, or their new car.

Yes, chemistry changed my life. Were it not for chemistry I might still be ignored, but none now dare. Chemistry: the science of stinks, explosions, and fires. I highly recommend it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 02:47 PM

It is embarrassing that I left a copy of the earlier verse at the bottom of this one.

No-one noticed.

This is not because they pay no attention, but because they are all kind souls, infused with Greatness of Spirit, big-hearted beings who ring with Spiritual Truth and would never do anything so petty as to point out an error.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 02:19 PM

Just 49 more, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 02:15 PM

No, I finished that project. I needed something to hold my homemade fission weapon in, not a cannon. Amos, however, stumbled against my little toy while he was carrying a load of lithium VI deuteride, and the heat from my little ol' firecracker trigger a fusion reaction in the LiD, and, well, Amos hadn't set up the takamak yet, and suddenly we had created a place called "Los Llanos Estacados." The radiation will die down to a habitable level in less than thousand or so years, so it wasn't any big deal. Besides, nobody was hurt and nobody called the cops and we also were out of town and have alibis besides.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 01:08 PM

Stilly has been busy finishing putting tile on her hall floors, and smearing on the grout. And you know what happens when you finish the job? NO ONE NOTICES! That's right, because the thing about home improvement is that when it is improved it vanishes. Yet how conspicuous it is when it sits there in plain sight, incomplete. MOM sez this reminds her of some of the projects you boys started down in the basement and never finished. I think Rap was building his own cannon cradle and Amos was fooling with nuclear fusion. She stubs her toes on those things any time she heads down to the root cellar for potatoes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 12:39 PM

Well the sun rose up in the morning sky
Like the dawn of the start of Spring,
And the ice fell away from the spars and the stays
And we felt like rolling kings!
We had earned our time, we had paid our dues
On that high and murd'rous sea;
And we laughed as we passed nine and forty-six
On the way to Forty Three!

On the long sea road, with a BS load
Such merry souls were we,
As the main yards groaned midst the holy stones,
On the way to Forty-Three!


Sure we all felt blessed, but there's never a rest
For a hand before the wind
And we reef and hauled when the Boss Mom called
And we climbed, and slacked, and trimmed.
And the prow went low as the sea below
Rose up to embrace the skies
But kept all sail for we dared not fail
Make our goal, our port, and our prize.

And the rise and the fall, and the lookout's call
Makes a wearying kind of time
And its many a sailor on such pursuits
Gives o'er to the depths of his mind.
So while Stilly steered true, the Hawk felt blue
And told long and rambling tales
And she dipped her lee as the Rapparree
Proposed we should shoot at whales.

As the dawn came light and we fled the night
Then the ice began to thaw,
And we knew we were past the reach of death,
And beyond all human Law
And we had only Mom to answer to
As four bells began to chime,
When a cable off of the starboard bow
Passed the Forty-Two and Nine.


On the long sea road, with a BS load
Such merry souls were we,
As the main yards groaned midst the holy stones,
On the way to Forty-Three!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 12:19 PM

Well, that's good news. One well placed tactical nuclear device and we will have eradicated the source of shame in the world. Then we can track down the origin points of Blame and Regret, and turn them into parking lots, as well. The world will be a better place for our efforts, and many human neuroses will vanish from the ken of man much to our planetary benefit. Definitely an attractive risk/benefit ratio there.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 08:48 AM

Blind River is the source of Shame.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 03 Dec 11 - 11:28 PM

Blind River???? Doesn't that flow from the Flogged Dolphin Peninsula?

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 11 - 11:16 PM

It was sorta like that, only not quite so rustic. This is Orillia, eh? ;-D Now, if it had been Blind River...well...that would be a different story!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 11 - 11:05 PM

Swing yer partner, dosey doe,
Toss her up and let 'er go
Catch 'er afore'n she comes down
Catch 'er 'fore she hits the ground.
Now allemand left and sashay right
Tell yer partner he's a fright
Scares the chickens off the roost
Kick him in the crotch for an added boost
Step on her toes and you're gonna bawl
Now all sit down 'cause that is all.

Square dancing like that?


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