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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 13 Jan 07 - 06:16 PM
Acme 13 Jan 07 - 07:44 PM
Amos 13 Jan 07 - 08:35 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jan 07 - 08:40 PM
Rapparee 13 Jan 07 - 09:56 PM
Acme 13 Jan 07 - 10:20 PM
GUEST,freds new order 14 Jan 07 - 11:46 AM
Amos 14 Jan 07 - 12:00 PM
Bunnahabhain 14 Jan 07 - 12:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Jan 07 - 01:06 PM
Amos 14 Jan 07 - 01:39 PM
Amos 14 Jan 07 - 01:58 PM
Rapparee 14 Jan 07 - 02:10 PM
Amos 14 Jan 07 - 02:16 PM
Rapparee 14 Jan 07 - 02:40 PM
Acme 14 Jan 07 - 10:38 PM
Bunnahabhain 15 Jan 07 - 07:49 AM
Rapparee 15 Jan 07 - 09:50 AM
Amos 15 Jan 07 - 10:08 AM
Acme 15 Jan 07 - 12:56 PM
Amos 15 Jan 07 - 01:04 PM
Bunnahabhain 15 Jan 07 - 03:08 PM
Amos 15 Jan 07 - 05:13 PM
Acme 15 Jan 07 - 05:20 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 07 - 05:50 PM
Amos 15 Jan 07 - 07:33 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 07 - 07:42 PM
Bunnahabhain 15 Jan 07 - 08:53 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 07 - 09:29 PM
Amos 15 Jan 07 - 09:41 PM
Rapparee 15 Jan 07 - 10:17 PM
Acme 15 Jan 07 - 10:39 PM
Amos 16 Jan 07 - 12:45 AM
JennyO 16 Jan 07 - 01:28 AM
Rapparee 16 Jan 07 - 09:23 AM
Amos 16 Jan 07 - 09:40 AM
Acme 16 Jan 07 - 09:59 AM
MMario 16 Jan 07 - 10:06 AM
Amos 16 Jan 07 - 10:53 AM
Acme 16 Jan 07 - 11:45 AM
Rapparee 16 Jan 07 - 12:25 PM
Amos 16 Jan 07 - 02:40 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 07 - 03:07 PM
MMario 16 Jan 07 - 03:24 PM
Amos 16 Jan 07 - 03:29 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 07 - 04:00 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 07 - 05:38 PM
Amos 16 Jan 07 - 07:32 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 07 - 09:17 PM
Acme 16 Jan 07 - 11:53 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 07 - 06:16 PM

Goody for them. Here's the Mission AND Vision statements for my library. We don't collaborate no metadata thingies....

Marshall Public Library Mission Statement

In fulfilling its critical role in the community, the Marshall Public Library provides a vibrant lifelong learning center with information resources and programs to support the overall quality of life through an educated population, an informed electorate, and a dynamic economy.

Vision Statement

By merging the best of tradition and technology, the Marshall Public Library aspires to provide:

public library services for all people, beginning in the formative years;
        
a foundation for community and economic development;

a gathering and meeting place for cultural and intergenerational activity, and to meet the need of the community for informational, educational, recreational, and personal growth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jan 07 - 07:44 PM

The Library is at the heart of The University. And at the heart of the Library is its services and collections.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jan 07 - 08:35 PM

Well, there ya go! Making my point for me! :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jan 07 - 08:40 PM

Not fair! You guys work in libraries! Everybody knows people who work in libraries are smart, thoughtful, and organized. You don't have to use words like "incentivize" and "proactive" and "catalyst" just to impress people.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 07 - 09:56 PM

The public library strives to provide user-driven services to its diverse community of patrons by the judicious marriage of the most current technology to traditional bibliotecal processes, thereby insuring that the public library will continue to serve the values of the city, the county, the state, the region, and the world as a whole.


How's that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jan 07 - 10:20 PM

If you saw how messy my home office (and my work office) is, you might rethink that "organized" portion of the statement. :) (Though it actually is a form of archival storage that has largely been misunderstood.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds new order
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 11:46 AM

hello again. we have decided not to use your protein as food for freds. it is too tastelss and partly spoiled and cannot be spiced to our palates. you will be pleased to know this. we plan to use your protein as food for our pets. they will eat anything that is garbage. you should work on improving your protein. thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 12:00 PM

I like that. My ole Dad always said, if youse is REALLY mad at a feller, jes' poison his dawg.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 12:05 PM

A few years ago, my senior School was asked to come up with a mission statement. A smart person pointed out we'd had one for quite a while, ie our Latin motto, a hexameter Juvanal had recast from the Greek. It's on the foundation charter of 1551....

It's unlikey that the bureacracy took any notice of this, but that's not the point!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 01:06 PM

Dear freds,

Perhaps your finding human-based protein to be of inferior status is more a matter of the manner in which you seek to procure said protein than in the actual nature of the protein itself. It is very inadvisable to attempt to procure human protein by sneaking up behind the human, shouting "Boo!", and chomping down on the human. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred that will leave you with nothing but a mouthful of the human's own pre-digested last meal and, perhaps, a pair of tennis shoes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 01:39 PM

BeeDub has a point. We should teach the Freds the kinder and gentler methods of killing humans -- the Execution by Boredom technique, the Passive Aggressive Reasoning Labyrinth routine, the Chinese Water Torture By WalMart Mental Stimuli, and the Kindness of a Thousand Cuts as practiced by the Stepford Wives and the D.A.R.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 01:58 PM

I always knew we were not truly alone. In the world, there are kindred groups up with whom we have never had to put, and with whom never met.

Thus the 'Pataphysicists of France and of London, brothers in the soul to all MOABites.

As a purely professional amateur 'pataphysicist, I recommend the pursuit of their studies to all who tread these hallowed cyberhalls.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 02:10 PM

It sounds like a lot of work, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 02:16 PM

Perhaps -- but so is Motyher!!

Here is an excerpt from a review of one of the seminal books on 'Pataphysics:

"This reality-rejecting text delivers an airy irrational punch of nonsensical negation by tying together methods of insouciant informality with a visceral camp irony: at turns hip and flamboyant, then turning towards the morally outrageous. At times the text simulates the disappearing ephemeral we associate with electronically provided information today on the internet, and the flickering of its translucent form. Still the reader is expected to work devotedly to solve the absurd flatulent conundrums supplied here, to supply mental transitions between the diverse and massive assortment of irrational elements which supply the text its pataphysical hooks. One must fabricate a complicated forensic fairy-tale out of this flatulent mélange, which keeps slipping in and out of idiosyncratic narration. And that recitation keeps turning back into one about stinking death, that strange, incurable and deeply irrational affliction. Baudrillard in fact defines here the rules of the pataphysical game as "narcissism of death, a lethal eccentricity". (p. 8) Yes, I read this text as a meditation on humiliating death in all its undifferentiated fabulousness, by which I mean its essentially nasty comedy. So this is a young man's text about funny, difficult death then, which while pulling down our pants and revealing our soiled undies, keeps everyone laughing (or at least gurgling) till the bitter end.

According to Baudrillard, in Pataphysics "all things become artificial, poisonous, resulting in a schizophrenia induced by pink stucco angels?". (p. 11) But also there is here an awareness of impertinent splendor in the tranquility of flatulent decomposition, which makes it all seem faintly heroic in face of death's inexorability. Thus this irrational text implies an antiphilosopher's knowledge of dumb death's putrid ignobility - but Baudrillard will not give in to that parody either. And this is what gives the work its extraordinary sense of dignity, a dignity which asserts life's primacy over death because death is beyond narration and words.

So this text's irrational gaseous hypothesis is actually fine absurdist Ubu art. (*5) But an Ubu art which does not merely help us pass the time away; it enlivens time if we surrender to its fearful pataphysical difficulty. A vertigo intricacy of which Baudrillard says is "anaemic" (p. 11) and "impossible" (p. 10) as its "procedure is a vicious circle within". (p. 11)"




Kinda says it all, doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 02:40 PM

How does this then differ from Nihilism, Dada, and Post-modern deconstructionism? It sounds like an offshoot of Exhibitionistic Existentialism.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jan 07 - 10:38 PM

Baudrillard and Genet? I think not!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 07:49 AM

I can trump that. Apparentley, I think not, full stop.

Or so she says....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 09:50 AM

Look, we gotta Sartre this out! I'm trying and I think I can do it -- Camus?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 10:08 AM

We'll see when it's Albert.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 12:56 PM

I'm a Freud not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 01:04 PM

Well, you're still Jung. There's nothing to be a Freud of. Ionesco Oller who says the idea is absurd.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 03:08 PM

Kan't we (In)hume this whole subject before we totally Des(e)crate it all. We just Can'tor or we'll run out in half of no time....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 05:13 PM

He's right--if we keep on hollerin ' about philosophy like this they'll think we're putting des Cartes before the hoarse.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 05:20 PM

I know what's going on here--you're all playing Heidegger and Goethe seek with your philosophy anthologies.
One More round, you ask?

Okay.

On your Marx, Genet, Foucault!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 05:50 PM

My diginity, represented by my white head, precludes me from continuing to pla, to.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 07:33 PM

An Hilarious Recitation is now made available of the sorry tale of Paddy's Request for Sick Leave, among other amusing anecdotes, and bon mots, in the round, pear-like tones of Gerald Hoffnung addressing the Oxford Union, producing great quantities of merriment.

It is to be found by merely clicking upon this humble but effective link and listening unto the destination thereof.

Regards,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 07:42 PM

All of the pictures look just like Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 08:53 PM

I didn't see any pictures. Of course, I may have mistakenly had my eyes open, which would explain it.

Now, how do you change the language on this spell checker out of whatever funny dialect it appears to be in, Minnisotan I think, and to something useful. Glasgae woulnae be tae bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 09:29 PM

Well, you gotta keep knocking things off the URL until Amos shows up. And having met him, I can assure you that he looks just like himself.

(His wife plays a pretty good accordion, too. And, of course, his daughter plays The Instrument Of The Gods And Goddesses.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 09:41 PM

Rapaire, you are abusing the privilege of the link!! You are a scoundrel, a twitterpated ne'er-do-well, and an oafish librarian!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 10:17 PM

Sir,

You have insulted me by demeaning my profession, which is Finding Things Out. Were I someone who could be insulted by an inferior I would demand satisfaction. Even though I am not such a person, I demand satisfaction. Therefore, unless you make an abject and total apology by crawling on your belly and kissing my boots within three (3) minutes of my posting this, I will meet you tomorrow at dawn (Mountain Standard Time) for a duel to the death with pistols.

Time: Dawn. Weapons: Your choice of pistol. Location: You stand in front of your house and I'll stand in front of mine; we will face each other. The will be as many fires as can be gotten off before the police arrive, commencing whenever you like.

Surgeons will not be in attendance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jan 07 - 10:39 PM

Was it supposed to lead to a Windows Media Player file (where I first arrived), or to a menu of some sort? I think I perhaps knocked too much off of the URL and hit text only on the welcome page, no menu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 12:45 AM

The NQURL (not-quite-Universal-Resource-Locator) works as it is, and brings up a Quicktime play of an MP3 file. If you use something else as your assistant application for MP3 files, I suppose it will tangle up in that.

http://amos.adajessup.com/Gerard_Hoffnung_Oxford_Union_Address.mp3


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 01:28 AM

Amos, thank you for posting that. I haven't heard it in years! I did once have a recording of it in the 60's which I transcribed laboriously. I still have the transcription but not the recording, so it was lovely to hear it again, along with the other amusing anecdotes which I don't remember hearing before.

While transcribing it back then, I listened to it so many times that I have always been able to 'hear' it in my head whenever I look at the words. His delivery, with all the tones of voice and pauses, is a large part of what makes it so funny.

By the way, I had no trouble playing it in Linux, either.

I also found your welcome page by getting rid of the URL back to just after .com. There's a lot going on there worth looking at too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 09:23 AM

Well, I went outside and fired my shots and I assume that Amos will do the same, even though the sun rises for him an hour or so after it does for me.

There was a little problem, however.

I loaded up my pistol and went outside and faced towards San Diego. Standing the approved dueling position, the muzzle of my pistol pointing at the sky, I lowered my weapon and pulled the trigger.

I fired several shots, emptying my weapon at Amos, aimed breast-high so that he wouldn't suffer anymore than he already was.

It is important to know that the temperature outside is well below zero degrees F. at the moment. And that the city had a pipe break and we've had rust-tinted water for some hours.

I mention this because each time I pulled the trigger the arc of water fired by my pistol froze. Frankly, my front yard now looks like it was visisted by a giant dog who left his "yellow rainbows" behind.

It really is kind of pretty, the icy arcs reflecting the light.

I hope that I didn't hurt Amos any in this duel to the death. He's usually an okay sort of guy, sometimes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 09:40 AM

The sun is now rising here, and I am about to make my way to the field of honor confident that Rapaire will not be able to find same. Unlike his, my pistols are loaded with something a bit more telling than mere dihydrogen oxiygenate. They are adapted to receive special magazines which I carefully hand-edited with rich loads of morbid, trenchant witticisms.

So, the impact may be telling, although slow in arriving, sir. Be warned.

And although chilly here, it is nowhere near cold enough to freeze a trenchant witticism on the fly. Let alone one on a whole person.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 09:59 AM

The orangish colored arcs of liquid freezing over the central valley as they travel from Amos' pistol are the parting shot of the citrus crops, now prostrate under ice. That's what they said on the news this morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 10:06 AM

stock up on frozen citrus juices now - the prices are predicted to skyrocket.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 10:53 AM

Well, you have all earned top Marx, and demonstrated a remarkable Masters-ry of the Engels here. If you are not feeling too Moody,
and it will not make you any Sadler, William permit me to James one more log on this Pythian fire? Know? Aw, Hegel.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 11:45 AM

I heard that citrus drinks will go down in price as they try to turn all of the frozen fruit into juice. Maybe buy some now to hedge your bets, and see what happens next month?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 12:25 PM

I have just been notified that I've won an award for most original Ice Sculpture! I didn't even know about the contest! An all-expense paid trip for two to Stanley, Idaho (where the temp was -25 F this morning), to be taken sometime in the next 36 hours.

Shucks, I gotta work....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 02:40 PM

I think you should go, Rapaire. A nice cold break will do you good after all that overheated dialogue...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 03:07 PM

During lunch my wife pointed out that the ice sculpture is growing. There are now two German shepherds, a collie and a blue heeler attached to the arcs, carefully connected by arcs of their own.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 03:24 PM

I'm sure the heeler is blue at those temps!

interactive art! How innovative!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 03:29 PM

When it thaws, the air around there will be blue for sure -- all those fruzz-up canine cusswords and their owners yelling at them to heel and all...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 04:00 PM

Yeah, and you thought gettin' your tongue stuck to pump handle was bad!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 05:38 PM

A herd of coyotes has joined the melange, I'm told.

There's a lot of bitches out there who appear to be standing around and laughing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 07:32 PM

From a recent speech by Bill Moyers:

"One of my favorite stories is of the fellow who was about to jump off a bridge, when another fellow ran up to him crying, "Stop, stop, don't do it."

The man on the bridge looks down and asks, "Why not?"

"Well, there's much to live for."

"What for?"

"Well, your faith. Your religion."

"Yes?"

"Are you religious?"

"Yes."

"Me, too. Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me, too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me, too. Methodist, Baptist or Presbyterian?"

"Baptist."

"Me, too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Savior?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me, too. Are you Original Baptist Church of God or Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me, too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1879, or Reform Baptist Church of God Reformation of 1917?"

"1917."

Whereupon, the second fellow turned red in the face and yelled, "Die, you heretic scum," and pushed him off the bridge."


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 09:17 PM

It's all around me! It's all around me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jan 07 - 11:53 PM

Throw a bucket of hot water on it and run like hell. . .

I had to change out the water bucket for my dogs a couple of times today, it kept freezing. I think they're set for the night, though. They'd love to sleep in the house, but they're very cosy out in their stall and can come and go to the yard at will. They haven't frozen to the lawn yet peeing.


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