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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 21 Jun 10 - 09:59 PM
Janie 21 Jun 10 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 21 Jun 10 - 08:47 PM
Amos 21 Jun 10 - 07:59 PM
Little Hawk 21 Jun 10 - 07:14 PM
Rapparee 21 Jun 10 - 06:17 PM
Little Hawk 21 Jun 10 - 05:54 PM
Amos 21 Jun 10 - 04:00 PM
Rapparee 21 Jun 10 - 03:48 PM
Acme 21 Jun 10 - 01:30 PM
Amos 21 Jun 10 - 11:29 AM
Amos 21 Jun 10 - 11:19 AM
Rapparee 21 Jun 10 - 10:16 AM
Little Hawk 21 Jun 10 - 12:26 AM
Amos 20 Jun 10 - 11:38 PM
Rapparee 20 Jun 10 - 11:28 PM
Acme 20 Jun 10 - 09:26 PM
Rapparee 20 Jun 10 - 09:03 PM
Little Hawk 20 Jun 10 - 08:58 PM
Amos 20 Jun 10 - 08:23 PM
Little Hawk 20 Jun 10 - 03:35 PM
Rapparee 20 Jun 10 - 03:30 PM
Little Hawk 20 Jun 10 - 03:28 PM
Amos 20 Jun 10 - 03:26 PM
Rapparee 20 Jun 10 - 02:37 PM
Amos 20 Jun 10 - 02:03 PM
Rapparee 20 Jun 10 - 01:15 PM
Acme 20 Jun 10 - 01:09 PM
Rapparee 20 Jun 10 - 11:20 AM
Amos 20 Jun 10 - 10:05 AM
Amos 20 Jun 10 - 09:53 AM
Amos 19 Jun 10 - 11:46 PM
Amos 19 Jun 10 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 19 Jun 10 - 09:11 PM
Amos 19 Jun 10 - 07:48 PM
Acme 19 Jun 10 - 06:47 PM
Amos 19 Jun 10 - 06:10 PM
Amos 19 Jun 10 - 06:07 PM
Rapparee 19 Jun 10 - 05:18 PM
Amos 19 Jun 10 - 03:08 PM
Eiseley 19 Jun 10 - 02:13 PM
Rapparee 19 Jun 10 - 01:27 PM
Rapparee 19 Jun 10 - 01:27 PM
Rapparee 19 Jun 10 - 01:18 PM
Rapparee 19 Jun 10 - 01:16 PM
Acme 19 Jun 10 - 12:02 PM
Amos 19 Jun 10 - 10:19 AM
Rapparee 19 Jun 10 - 10:12 AM
Eiseley 19 Jun 10 - 08:19 AM
Amos 19 Jun 10 - 01:16 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 09:59 PM

Oh, you know Mom. She probably got off at the wrong exit and stopped at a tavern to collect her wits...

Here's a story from Douglas Fairchild:

"y high school girlfriend's great grandfather (I didn't know this at the time we were going together ... she probably didn't either) had built the only house that had a formal dining room, so during the ten years of the Republic (between the Alamo and being accepted as a State), when the Circuit Judge showed up, they covered the dining room table with a blanket and set up court there. This was Judge "Three Legged Willie" Williamson, what it took to be a circuit judge in those days. He got the nickname because he had a withered left leg below the knee ... possibly from polio ... and had a wooden leg that strapped on at the knee, with a pant's leg on it down to his boot and the real one sticking out behind with another pants leg and shoe on it. Three legs. ) I don't know where the Sheriff was, or if they even had one, but the Judge obviously didn't need one ... the following was in the court records from those years:

One of the locals opined that "We settle our own affairs around here and don't need none of Sam Houston's law."Three Legged Willie placed a shotgun on the bench, laid his pistol beside it and announced, "Oyez, oyez, oyez! .... Court for the sixth district of The Republic of Texas is now in session or By God Somebody's Going To Get Killed."There was no further objection. He held court, settled some disputes and rode off next day to the another county."


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 09:39 PM

Where were you, MOM? Aunt Hank, Sum Yung Sun and I waited for hours at the last Virginia Rest Stop on the way to the family reunion in eastern Kentucky, but you were a no show.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 08:47 PM

Odd. I could have sworn...well, as I get older I start to give up on some of my creations, the ones that didn't turn out even remotely like the spec sheet. Well, it's getting harder and harder to find good help these eons, what with the Unions and EIS and all. Sometimes I'm sorry I thought the whole thing up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 07:59 PM

That hairy egg really does look like the Little Hawk yet to be, but I doubt he had taken over the body yet in any case. Amazing likeness.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 07:14 PM

Noooo...

(?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 06:17 PM

Is it this one? If it is you DO look a lot younger.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 05:54 PM

One of my "before" photos is in the member section. Have a look.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 04:00 PM

Oh, darn, I shoulda took "before" photos, but I can take some "after" photos.

I don't know what Little Hawk's "before" photos would look like. Prrobably much younger looking before he crossed trails with out friendly neighborhood obsessive compulsive Divinity solipsist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 03:48 PM

Not of Little Hawk, no.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 01:30 PM

Do you have before and after photos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 11:29 AM

Mom:

The red-oak flooring is all in, with neat trim around and only a couple of little flaws in the fine carpentry, which I shall fix today. I was so worn and weary by the end of Sunday I just threw all my tools into the workshop and didn't clean up. But I gotta tell you after living with mustard yellow-green tile by that back entrance for 14 years it is just a HUGE improvement to the music room. Y'all should come see. This is a BFD, as our Veep would say. I like a man who doesn't mince words.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 11:19 AM

Mom spent the better part of the afternoon getting ready for her evening out...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 10:16 AM

Well...I was pretty drunk and my memory is really fuzzy about that. But I'm certain that the reason seemed like a good one at the time, if I could just remember what it was. Seem to kinda vaguely remember it either had to do with Universal Enlightenment or cleaning really foul septic tanks. Could have been both because I was going through an "enlightenment by having them do nasty, nasty work" phase at the time. That 151 proof rum will git to ya, lemme tell ya! Anyway, here you are, such as you are.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jun 10 - 12:26 AM

Why did you create me, Rapaire?

(He asks, innocently...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 11:38 PM

Well, it's a rare success story. Most people who start out on that career path end up going bust.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 11:28 PM

Well, she don't drink. Water, that is. Any thing else, from apple juice to rotgut to battery acid that's had chewin' tobacco soaked in it, is used to quench her thirst. I remember once she wondered what was behind a wall surrounding a staircase. So she just hauled off and punched a hole in that reinforced concrete wall and found a place for a new closet. A kid was actin' up once and she remonstrated with him a couple time without any good behavior resultin', so she hung him by his belt from one of the ceiling girders for the whole danged story hour. Kid'd still be hanging there today iffen his belt hadn't busted -- his ma and pa thought it the best thing ever happened to him, and today that very same kid has a very lucrative career as a pinata -- all thanks to Eiseley.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 09:26 PM

Just so you know, I think we won't see Eiseley this evening. I think she and MOM are out eating tamales and drinking dark Mexican beer. Her tamale lady came by today and since she didn't have to drive to Salt Lake City or cook, she's probably hanging out on the porch swing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 09:03 PM

Amos is not doing anything immoral or illegal (in California) with Chingo, LH. I know; I created all of you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 08:58 PM

Really? Not like the rich and rewarding friendship I have with Chongo, then?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 08:23 PM

My sole relationship with that immoral chimpette is one of Creator to his Createes.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 03:35 PM

Yes, and that's why Amos's clandestine affaire with Chinga isn't really all that surprising, when you stop to think about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 03:30 PM

LH, it's not an "either-or" situation out there. It's more like "and-and-and-and...".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 03:28 PM

That's true! And they're all either gay or bisexual too, unless they belong to some weird "End of Days" cult. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 03:26 PM

Out hyar, podnuh, hard whiskey is a mere murlimewe.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 02:37 PM

Ah heared that in Southern Calyforny they takes whiskey as a hard drug an' herywin gits sprinkled on their corn flakes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 02:03 PM

DUnno about you, but I don't always drink beer--but when I do I prefer Dos Equis.

Stay thirsty, my friends.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 01:15 PM

"That stuff" is the beer of SoCal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 01:09 PM

The rug didn't last long on Craig's List. The group that runs the place are a bunch of idiots. But that goes without saying - it is Craig's List. Seems there are some really lala land laws in California that make them all leery of approaching a 100-year old bear skin rug. I found an online place for an auction coming up, though, so who knows.

Amos, don't you give MOM that stuff. You know she's not used to it. Just keep the Igloo cooler full of iced down beer and she'll be just fine today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 11:20 AM

That's a good word to bring back.

"The candidate spouted the usual balderdash accented, with murlimewes."

"Ranting and raving, out-Heroding Herod, the actor strut and fret his time and murlimewes on the stage."

"Oh, cut out the murlimewes and SIDDOWN!!"

"Jimmy and and his girlfriend are making murlimewes in the backseat of the car!"

"Don't try those murlimewes on me, pal!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 10:05 AM

Our dreams and posts are all askew
Thin vapors all, and murlimewes.

murlimewes (n.)

Foolish gestures or antics.

Used in a sentence in 1583 by A. Golding:

The Papistes fiske about after their foolish ceremonies and after murlimewes of their owne making.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jun 10 - 09:53 AM

Oy! Stiff as boards.

Good morning, Mom!! Here's a line of cocaine for you...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 11:46 PM

At 36310Mudcat MOAB Time the floor is now ready. I ache all the f*** over and have aches in muscles I didn't know I had, and my right arm is about 20% larger than the other one.


Tomorrow the replacement flooring goes in. Such Tsuris I got!! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 10:43 PM

Well, turns out there was another few hours to do getting the old strips of adhesive up from the concrete under the tile. Man, that was built tough. Almost done now. Then I shall install oaken Alloc flooring. Fine looking.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 09:11 PM

Shoulda ask me. I might have taken if, if Pat didn't object TOO much....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 07:48 PM

Depending on who offers and how they want to pay, it might end up being a Paypal Bear in reality!


Mom, ALL the tile is off now. I ache like a slattern on a payday in cowtown, I yam here to tell ya. But its done done.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 06:47 PM

I took the bear skin rug out of the bag it has been in for a while and measured it. Then listed it on Craig's list. Who knows what will come of this, but it would be nice to move it out of here. MOM kept complaining about how dusty it was, and how much it hurt to trip over it at night. And it scared the cats.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 06:10 PM

I mailed all the CDs from the current clamor-crop which is most gratifying, and I have spent the morning taking up ancient tile of an ugly mustard hue, using a sledge hammer (sawed-off) and floor chisel. BAM!! BAM!! SPLINTER! CRUCNCH!! BAM!!! (sweep, sweep, sweep. Clattering crash of old tile remnants falling into the trash.) (Repeat until spinny, then take brek).

Long, slow porcess but when it is done the mustard tile will be replaced with oaken planking, much improved. The price of betterment is eternal inconvenience...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 06:07 PM

Yonder Eisely is an elf
Queen of Spirits, joy and pelf.
Guns and ammo on the shelf
SO she can amuse herself!

She can send your visions reeling,
Garb your toes and paint your stealing
While from leprechauns she's stealing
All the gold from root-halls peeling.

Ne'ertheless, a bookish marm
Gives no grounds for man's alarm
Will not cause a mortal harm
But remember that she's armed!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 05:18 PM

Nope, it's her. She's actually an elf or something: "...library jacket, RED CAP, and Browning Buckmark pistol" as the poem goes. She really does live up an aery mountain in a rushy glen and you daren't go anywhere near there for fear of her little men.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 03:08 PM

That doesn't look like EIseley in the red cap, Rapaire. Are you sure that isn't you?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 02:13 PM

By the way, Rapaire was not taking the photo. He was standing down range.

E


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 01:27 PM

...I'll take it. Can't say I didn't offer it around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 01:27 PM

Well, if no one else wants it...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 01:18 PM

(By the way, in the first photo that's Eiseley in the red cap.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 01:16 PM

Amos, you wouldn't believe....

The library, any library, is seen as a weak institution run by "old ladies in tennis shoes who go 'shush'". It isn't and never was, but that is the perception based on decades of books and films. Most users are good people, but others forget about library staff are just ordinary people working to serve and educate the public.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 12:02 PM

If she get's put away, there may be no Joy in Mudville (or Boise) tonight. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 10:19 AM

Back when Rapaire was running things the librarians were mustard every day; but this did not cure them of being full of pepper and vinegar.

It fascinates me how absolutely wrong-o the human mind can get in selecting its targets. The computation must be something along this line: All my troubles are caused by other people; the public is composed of other people; the library is open to the public and is a public institution out there in public; therefore I can wreak my revenge on the girls who were mean to me in grade school by striking back at the public library! Hah!! I'm BRILLIANT I tell you. I know!! Mayonnaise in the book drop!

Dear Gawd, that a species endowed with the capacity for reason should stoop so low.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 10:12 AM

Condiments are still better than acid, flammable liquids, lit cigarettes and matches, fireworks and other things that have been shoved down bookdrops. That's the main reason bookdrops are, whenever possible, separate entities out by the curb instead of being through-the-wall slots -- which in new construction require a separate sprinkler head! The modern curbside bookdrops will snuff a fire within seconds (lack of oxygen) and limit the amount of damage to the returned materials. They will also withstand the explosion of an M-100 firecracker, equivalent to approximately 1/4 stick of commercial dynamite. And I'd rather folks had to hand mayonnaise-covered materials than stuff covered with battery acid.

Oh, I find I forgot to mention those wonderful people who use glue for various tricks....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 08:19 AM

During the Cultural Revolution, people accused of crimes had large sketches of themselves published in the daily rags and were made to wear white dunce caps and parade through town. Of course, during that time it was the librarians themselves who were thought to be the bad guys, not those being mean to them, more's the pity. Even now, the People's Daily continues to print perpetrators' photos very large. The next standard procedure is for everyone to shout a slogan at the criminal. In this case it may be something like: "Down with the use of mayonnaise to communicate displeasure!" or "Stop destructive condimentizing!"

As for why People's Daily was chosen to show Mom in the first place---simple. None of the others showed the Condiment Geezer in such a dramatic mug shot. Mom wanted everyone to be on the lookout, just in case.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jun 10 - 01:16 AM

Inquiring minds want to know why an Idaho Librarian is learning about crimes against Idaho libraries from the China People's Daily????   Is this a, ummmm, standard process established by Director Rapaire? Hmmmm? Do you have a lit of his friends?

A


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