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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 10 Jun 10 - 11:13 AM
Amos 10 Jun 10 - 10:16 AM
MMario 10 Jun 10 - 09:23 AM
Acme 09 Jun 10 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 09 Jun 10 - 10:57 PM
Little Hawk 09 Jun 10 - 10:47 PM
Rapparee 09 Jun 10 - 09:55 PM
Amos 09 Jun 10 - 09:25 PM
Little Hawk 09 Jun 10 - 07:48 PM
Rapparee 09 Jun 10 - 03:59 PM
Amos 09 Jun 10 - 02:54 PM
Little Hawk 09 Jun 10 - 01:03 PM
Rapparee 09 Jun 10 - 12:57 PM
Little Hawk 09 Jun 10 - 12:46 PM
Rapparee 09 Jun 10 - 11:40 AM
Amos 09 Jun 10 - 11:36 AM
Rapparee 09 Jun 10 - 11:07 AM
Amos 09 Jun 10 - 10:22 AM
Little Hawk 09 Jun 10 - 12:45 AM
Janie 09 Jun 10 - 12:15 AM
Eiseley 08 Jun 10 - 11:41 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 10 - 11:31 PM
Janie 08 Jun 10 - 10:29 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 10 - 08:58 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 10 - 08:03 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jun 10 - 05:02 PM
Amos 08 Jun 10 - 05:01 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 10 - 05:00 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jun 10 - 02:47 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 10 - 01:54 PM
Little Hawk 08 Jun 10 - 01:49 PM
Amos 08 Jun 10 - 01:17 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 10 - 12:09 PM
Amos 08 Jun 10 - 01:18 AM
Rapparee 08 Jun 10 - 12:27 AM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 10 - 11:28 PM
Amos 07 Jun 10 - 11:13 PM
Eiseley 07 Jun 10 - 10:35 PM
Janie 07 Jun 10 - 10:32 PM
Eiseley 07 Jun 10 - 10:19 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 10 - 10:13 PM
Eiseley 07 Jun 10 - 10:00 PM
Janie 07 Jun 10 - 09:43 PM
Eiseley 07 Jun 10 - 09:37 PM
Janie 07 Jun 10 - 09:34 PM
Eiseley 07 Jun 10 - 09:15 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 10 - 04:59 PM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 10 - 04:54 PM
GUEST,Rev. Tommy Lee Staggers 07 Jun 10 - 04:11 PM
Acme 07 Jun 10 - 03:13 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 11:13 AM

We have four televisions scattered through the house. The one used the most is the 17" flat panel in my wife's office. It is also the only one of its sort in the house -- the rest are big ol' CRTs. Don't watch enough to make it worth changing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 10:16 AM

Huge like Amos might have? Ours is a rarely used medium sized to small TV. You must have me mixed up with Shatner, not an easy mistake to make, I might add. Before that we used an old RGB monitor which had great color but was about 14" corner to corner.





A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jun 10 - 09:23 AM

"chowder" with tomato ?!?

How inhumane!

No wonder it has been banned by the Geneva Convention (and Martha Stewart)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 11:37 PM

Hey, MOM! Sorry I have been away for a couple of days, but hey, I'm gainfully employed. Sometimes I have to step away from the computer.

And yesterday we set up the new telly. Not huge like Amos might have, or Chongo might dream of, but still, for as the upgrade to a Vizio 42" 1080p LCD HDTV is wonderful. We can be the deer in the headlights in our own livingroom now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 10:57 PM

Especially since they were making the "chowder" with tomatoes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 10:47 PM

What a shocking misuse of marine life!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 09:55 PM

Clam breath, LH. It's the source of Mustard Gas. When the clam shells are closed they fill up with the gas. During WW1 people fired the gas-filled clam shells at each other using trebuchets and ballistae. The other side would find the clam shells and pry them open to make chowder, which of course released the deadly gas inside. It's really clam breath; you only think it's 1,5-dichloro-3-thiapentane.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 09:25 PM

MUSTARD gas shells, Little Hawk. Not CLAM shells. Military shells that unleashed huge clouds of Chongo-breath on the brave but doomed men who waited for their deaths.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 07:48 PM

What??? How does mustard gas get inside a clamshell?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 03:59 PM

The most recent use of mustard gas was off Long Island. Some clammers netted a few shells; one broke open and a crewman is in the hospital with blisters and breathing problems. The rest fell back into the sea. Apparently the oceans hold quite an arsenal of various munitions, including Sarin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 02:54 PM

I doubt even Rapaire would stoop to kissing Chongo--don't forget, he has military training in the use of gas masks and recognizing the faint oder of Boche mustard gas. His survival instincts would make it impossible for him to get close enough to kiss Chongo.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 01:03 PM

Oh, I see. ;-) Clever.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 12:57 PM

I meant my liquor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 12:46 PM

"Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine!"

Sounds like you won't be kissing Chongo any time soon...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 11:40 AM

One must test one's mettle against the worst in order to assure one's self that one can, indeed, overcome all obstacles. Besides, I've lived in an Army barracks.

Should I tell the planners of my enuresis or just surprise the person in the bottom bunk?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 11:36 AM

On the other hand, you have never been to the Getaway, also known as the Moral Charybdis.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 11:07 AM

I don't drink any more, Amos. Liquor is the Scylla upon which so many, many lives have been wrecked; so many happy homes destroyed; so many children left standing in the cold and snow outside the barroom door waiting for their fathers. Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 10:22 AM

All I will say is that there are stains, and then there are stains, and Rapaire is no newcomer to the subject of staining in every sense, direction, style and kind. Common civility forbids me starting a list of the many ordinary domestic objects that have been part of his long and varicolored career in this regard, including certain moral stains that seem semi-permanent.

But be at peace, for that which will not come out in the wash will probably come out in a predawn revelation under the kindly influence of Bacchus at the Getaway.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 12:45 AM

It doesn't sound big enough to hold William Shatner's ego.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 09 Jun 10 - 12:15 AM

*chortle!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 11:41 PM

Location of Rapaire's Treasure!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 11:31 PM

It would be a perfect size for an elf or the egos of Certain People I Could Name But Won't. Actually, I intend to fill it with gold and jewels and bury it in some remote location. I need a volunteer to guard it throughout eternity except from me, but then I'll have to get killed or forget where I buried it. Eventually a scrap of a map I'll draw will be found and lead to all sorts of excesses as people try to find it. Someday someone will wise up and use something like ground-penetrating radar or sheer luck and end up wealthy beyond their wildest dreams except that the government will take it all in taxes.

I know where I'm going to bury it, too. Here's a hint: third star from the right and straight on 'til morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 10:29 PM

Building your own coffin? But you just retired....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 08:58 PM

Well, Mom, the first stain is on the outside of the box, excluding the lid. Red oak, and it looks pretty good so far. Of course it WOULD, considering the artisan.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 08:03 PM

All of them -- presentation copies by the author to my father, who was the model for Chandler's detectives.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 05:02 PM

What he wants to know is, do you have any first editions of the Raymond Chandler novels in good condition?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 05:01 PM

I'd be careful about not letting things get too chongo'd up while you are away attending to legal matters, Rapaire. But thanks for the brave (if somewhat delusional) confession. Now if we could only get Bobert to come clean about that herbal wholesaling amphibious operation...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 05:00 PM

Chongo wants to read my copy of The Sagas of Iceland? Or is he after my autographed copy of The Crass Menagerie?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 02:47 PM

I, for one, am ecstatic! You were wise to come forth with this information and make a clean breast of it, Rapaire. Your soul will be the better for it. After a suitable period of incarceration, giving you time to medidate upon your sins of the past, I expect you will emerge a changed man, a man filled with compassion and a desire to assist the poor and downtrodden. In the meantime Chongo can keep an eye on your property and make sure the library is put under good management.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 01:54 PM

Alright, I did it. I am the Geezer Bandit! I robbed those banks! I also robbed the Deadwood Stage, the Tower of London, the Hell-Bound Train (it was on the way the San Diego), the Northfield Bank, and the Brink's vault in Boston. Among my many victims are the Sheriff of Nottingham, Jesse and Frank James, Reginald Kray, Hernando Cortez, Edward Teach, and Mother Theresa.

There. I admit it all. Are you happy now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 01:49 PM

You're welcome, Rapaire. ;-) I always do what I can to cheer up a friend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 01:17 PM

As you know, I am not six feet tall, akthough I am still growqing... You, on the other hand, have the right dimensions. Hmmmmmm?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 12:09 PM

Poor man only held up the bank to get money to buy shoes, I guess.

Amos, I have an iron-clad alibi for yesterday (the Monday I suppose the article refers to). I was robbing a bank in Hayfork at the time and it's all on film. So there.

YOU, on the other hand....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 01:18 AM

I was wondering why Rapaire was so fervent in his alibi about talking to Bobert. I found out the REAL story.

POWAY — The so called “Geezer Bandit” struck again Monday afternoon, making it 10 bank robberies for the senior robber in San Diego County, the FBI said.

He got away with an undisclosed amount of cash after robbing a US Bank branch inside an Albertsons on Pomerado Road near Twin Peaks Road about 2:55 p.m.

The robber presented the teller with a demand note, pointed a small caliber revolver at the employee and threatened to use it, the FBI said. He was last seen leaving an exit on the north side of the grocery store with an undisclosed amount of cash, the FBI said.

No one was hurt.

The “Geezer Bandit” is believed to have robbed 10 banks since August 2009.

He is described as white, between 60 to 70 years old, about 6 feet tall and weighing approximately 190 pounds with an average build. He was last seen wearing a navy blue blazer, a navy blue or black baseball cap, dark pants and was carrying a pistol.


Jeeeze, Rapaire, at least drop by for a beer after the job. I won't turn you in...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 10 - 12:27 AM

Thank you both. LH, those are the nicest things anyone has said to me in months. That's because no one talks to me. I think my deodorant has failed, and I put in on fresh just before Christmas when I took a bath.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 11:28 PM

Damn. My last witty post vanished somehow into thin air. And I didn't even find that out until several hours later.

It's all your fault, Rapaire. You are a worn-out dildo, a witless cypher, a malodorous twit devoid of any redeeming features, a pimple on the fair face of life, and a canker in the sorrowing mouth of Eternity. A pox on you and all your issue! May you perish miserably in a pit of vipers, laughed at and scorned by all who knew ye. And when you proceed from there unto the Fires of Perdition, may even the imps in Hades draw back in mute disgust as you shamble by them wearing a sign on your back that says, "Kick me. Do it now."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 11:13 PM

When Rapaire says he is going to be staining the box, is he talking about the two-holer he has forced his long-suffering wife to put up ever since they moved to the boonies? In which case I would submit he has done quite enough staining of it already. Or, perchance, is he like Pequod's QueeQueeg going to lie around in his own coffin staining it with his sweat and his other liquid byproducts until he gets his way and is allowed to by the Next Big Gun??


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 10:35 PM

Exactly! Well, it doesn't have to be composted, it can be the real thing, fresh and warm and steaming, just like Mom likes it served up.

E


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 10:32 PM

Oh! So mist is composted BS?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 10:19 PM

Okay. Let it end.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 10:13 PM

Dear Mom,

There comes a time when you have say, "That's it. I just can't do any more. I have to end it."

That time has come for me.

So, Mom, I have done all that I can do. Tomorrow I will start staining the box.

Your Fave Rave,
R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 10:00 PM

Well, I sure don't want swirling green "mist" to surround earth. It belongs in the garden, as fertilizer.

E


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 09:43 PM

do I want to know what "mist" means in German?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 09:37 PM

Do you know what "mist" means in German?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 09:34 PM

Green mist?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 09:15 PM

Dear MOM,
A friend told me about a bumper sticker she has on her car. It says, "I love my cat. She doesn't care."

But I know you love your kids, even when they fight and flout the law.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 04:59 PM

LH, you "mow the law when it needs it"?????????? Are you missing a letter in there or do you really cut down the laws of Canada when they need it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 04:54 PM

I already HAVE repented, you stupid twat! I gave up my false gods of Mammon on June 13, 1981. I still use Money, but I regard it with casual aplomb, as calmly as I would a cloud passing in the sky. My Licentious Behavior, once awesome in its variety and complexity, has been set aside for an interest in gardening. My Lewd Dancing never really amounted to much, and I have by now left it completely behind me. I naturally honour the Creator in all kinds of ways. For example, I have a morning ritual to remember the martyrdom of King Kong, and I pray daily for a liason with Winona Ryder. As for Charity, I feed the squirrels, chipmunks, and birds. As for Evangelism, I attempt to persuade people to abandon personal attacks on each other and discuss actual issues instead. As for Good Works, I mow the law whenever it needs it!

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven!"

Izzat right? Are you sure? Okay....well, I'm definitely not rich, so I guess I'm covered on that one.

****

p.s. I just noticed that I called you a "stupid twat" above. I may have caused offence to the Creator in so doing, I may have sinned...but then again, maybe not. The Creator may also think you're a stupid twat, in which case I've not sinned at all. I'm taking my chances on this one.... ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rev. Tommy Lee Staggers
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 04:11 PM

You have little time left to REPENT! The Green Comet of Doom will soon be in the skies, the Green Comet foretold in Revelations! Repent, all of you, and pray that in the swirling green mist which will soon surround Earth you might be spared, yea, even Taken Up! Give up your false gods of Mammon, Money, Licentious Behavior, Lewd Dancing, and begin honoring The Creator with prayers, charity, evangelism, and good works! Remember that it is easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jun 10 - 03:13 PM

Amos, you should have swung by there with the kayak. Picked up any shreds that were missed when the bales were collected.


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