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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 07 Feb 08 - 11:27 PM
Acme 08 Feb 08 - 12:34 AM
MMario 08 Feb 08 - 08:18 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 08:31 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 08:41 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 10:07 AM
MMario 08 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 10:24 AM
Acme 08 Feb 08 - 10:41 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 10:55 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 11:04 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 11:24 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 11:32 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 01:04 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 03:54 PM
Acme 08 Feb 08 - 03:59 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 04:33 PM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 07:47 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 10:35 PM
Acme 09 Feb 08 - 01:05 AM
Janie 09 Feb 08 - 01:47 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 08:44 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 08:51 AM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 09:46 AM
Janie 09 Feb 08 - 10:13 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 10:21 AM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 10:57 AM
GUEST,Rustic 09 Feb 08 - 11:08 AM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 11:17 AM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 12:22 PM
Acme 09 Feb 08 - 03:20 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 03:49 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 06:07 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 06:11 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 06:18 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 06:24 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 08:10 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 08:29 PM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 08 - 08:29 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 08:44 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 08:45 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 08:46 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 08:46 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 08:46 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 08:46 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 08:48 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 08:54 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 09:02 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 08 - 06:07 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 11:27 PM

I hope it wasn't Anny Manne's. Her brother Every hasn't head.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 12:34 AM

Wow! If she actually read MOAB from the top--then she has a fast connection, and she's a speed reader!

I wonder if she just skimmed? I hope she read my favorite story, about BWL's encounter with the guy and the lost dogs. I bet that slowed her down a little, cleaning the coke or ice tea off of her screen or keyboard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 08:18 AM

Mornin' Mom! Have a nice cup of Cranberry Apple Zinger tea. And one of these fresh baked scones. Shall I fluff your pillows?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 08:31 AM

Morning, Ms AB!!! I finished crawling through the overheads breathing fiberglass and got the control leads from the thermostat re-routed like you asked. The new thermostat looks much nicer in the hall than the old one did right plonk in the entranceway. And I got the re-plastering of the old holes done. The planting soil is in, and the new transplant buckets are out back. It's a good thing I get to go to work today so I can rest up some.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 08:41 AM

I have to come home around noon because the cleaners are coming. And Pat'll be home on the 12th, so I gotta at least get the empty whiskey bottles and cigar butts out. Better get the girls a-movin', too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:07 AM

We fought hard to free those held as slaves on the old plantations, many years back.

But what about those of us who struggle on as slaves OF the plantation? Is voluntary slavery actionable the same as involuntary?

We have white slave traffic, sex slave traffic, and child slave traffic, but no one cares about the house slaves.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM

and very few have ever cared about the wage slaves.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:24 AM

Man, the day will come. It may be 100 years a-coming but wage slavery will pass, and a new age will begin, the age of loafing on the surplus.


Hallelujah.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:41 AM

Surplus - as in, having too much of something? The only surplus I have in surplus is calories on my backside--gotta get out this next mowing season and walk off that last 15 pounds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:55 AM

I suggest belly-crawling through small attic spaces laden with old fiberglass fill, balancing on the rafters. Excellent exercise.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 11:04 AM

Ya want to crawl, maggot? Try some real crawling!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 11:24 AM

Sir,

Your unseemly tone and barbaric nomenclature render your posts unattractive and susceptible of absolute rejection by any reader foolish enough to investigate them. I suggest you return to the Emily Post Academy of Basic Human Manners for re-orientation.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 11:32 AM

I most humbly beg your pardon, good Amos. For a brief moment I was channeling Sergeant Rock of Easy Company, a chap I knew when I was a Chaplain's Assistant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 01:04 PM

No problem. My, that is a very lovely portrait indeed.

Reminds me of the innocent days of my childhood, before the mroalists started damping down the comics business, when blood and gore and monsters and buxom lasses were all vividly shown in comic books you could buy for a dime.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 03:54 PM

I remember those days well. We rarely had dimes for comic books (and my mother did believe in censorship!) so we bought a bottle of Pepsi and read them at the grocery store. That way we could buy the Pepsi for a dime and read comics for three hours or until the store owners got tired of us blocking the onions and asked us to leave. We would, quietly and politely, because we appreciated being able to come back and read more comics later.

Ah, those bygone, innocent days of my youth. The days when all you had to worry about was whether Superman could evade Luthor's kryptonite trap or whether Wonder Woman would fall out of her top when she flung her golden lasso from the invisible plane (her assumed name was Diana Prince and she was in the WACs).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 03:59 PM

I guess they must have been sealed in plastic or you'd have read the story in the store and gotten your answer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 04:33 PM

That was before comics became collectibles. Had a friend in college who collected them; he'd bring them in for us to read before he sealed 'em up. He had the first Silver Surfer, the first Hulk....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 07:47 PM

Oh, no, Mag. They didn't start that silly "seal 'em in plastic" business until the early 60's pr sp,. as I recall. These were simpler, more real times. The Graduate hadn't even been released yet. Toys were mostly wood and metal, still, but plastic ones were coming out.

And the reason you had to worry about how to was going to turn out is they would often leave the story hanging until next month's issues.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:35 PM

And don't forget that wonderful book, "Seduction of the Innocent." It really told the whole truth about comic books.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 01:05 AM

Back in the 1980s when we were poor and living in a small town my (now) ex used to hang out in the local mall Waldenbooks and read the passages in various in the books for some hobby or other he needed but couldn't afford. I told him that if Waldenbooks caught on they'd put in a subway-style turnstile and charge him 25 cents every time he entered the store. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 01:47 AM

Hi Mom,

Just popping in for a minute. Was looking for a break from three nights trying to do what needs done to enroll as a provider for Medicaid and assorted insurances. But been from home so long, I'm as lost here as I was in the stacks of applications, certifications and confusing websites.

No. Wait. I think I can sum up what I've missed, at least over the past few days. Some one at the Legion Hall urinated at Rap's keyboard while Amos was in the attic getting fiberglass down the back of his underwear and he was in the attic cuz Mmario set ululating wolves on him, then Rap started speaking in tongues and Maggie wrote a program to get everybody straightened out then, being the wise woman she is, gave up and took a walk to clear her head, only she wound up at the Legion Hall and he dogs started ululating, or maybe Amos was the ululant, what with the fiberglass in his underwear and all, and maggie was knitting the family shield and dropped some stitches while working on the argent and Leo said nevermind, then like a good fairy or a bewildered space traveller, Suegorgeous apparated in and gave Mmario a nice cup of tea while fixing Rap's posting iron, whatever that is.

OK! Good. Glad I've got it all straight and am right on the same page with the rest of yous.

Mom, send money.

Love,

Janie

Love to all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:44 AM

Janie, that's close enough. In fact, it's about as close as it ever gets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:51 AM

Did I ever mention the time my brother dressed up as a Christmas tree?

It was July, and he was about six years old. It was blazing hot, and he was wearing only his underwear when he found the Christmas decorations. He decked his halls (note the "h") with tinsel and garlands and...angel hair. Spun glass. Then he went down to show our mother.

If you think fiberglass particles are bad when you're fulled clothed, let me assure you that he will assure you that they are nothing compared to being decked out from head to toe in spun glass when you're all but
naked. Mother was quite put out with him and as he started to itch he understood.

For a guy who later became a member of Mensa he didn't demonstrate a lot of intelligence as a child.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 09:46 AM

Truth is, it doesn't take a lot to become a member of Mensa, and many who do are really boring. They would divide the post count on MOAB by the word count and hand you the inverse ratio in am illisecond, but they would have no idea how to begin creating an appropriate post for MOAB. I've been a member twice, and washed y hands of it on both occasions.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 10:13 AM

Did you know that your application to enroll as a Medicaid provider in North Carolina will be rejected if you leave off the + four of your zip code?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM

So did my brother. He found the membership to be arrogant and totally convinced of their own importance, incapable of understanding a joke, and generally both elitist and conceited. After the first and only meeting he attended he remarked to me that "A mind is a terrible thing to waste on Mensa."

And so I never bothered to apply, even though I was assured that I'd be accepted for membership. Now we both go through life astounding people with our brilliance, wit, and cogent insights -- although he'd probably get a bit more attention if he wore shoes, a tee shirt with his bib overalls, and stopped chewing tobacco and spitting into that old Budweiser can he carries around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 10:21 AM

I don't doubt it. The processors are all members of Mensa.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 10:57 AM

Janie:

Can't you sue them for administrative discrimination, numbersism, or something like that?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rustic
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 11:08 AM

You Amos a member of Mensa?
That would be the 'Constellation Mensa' surely. I feel I have finally unveiled a 'fred'.

Hi all! I was on my way to search once again for the North-decoder rings (winter blues fest today in Fargo) but alas I recieved a message that roads were being shut down because of blizzard conditions. I'm sad to report I can now only assume freds will forever be protected from their identity unless folks like Amos start fessing up to their real descend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 11:17 AM

I/we are no fred, beloved occasional visitor. I/we am cosmic AND ex-Mensa and many other things/aspects-of-being, but fred has never passed my lips. I miss you, when you are away. Stay home and write some poetry, naked int he green glow of an ancient, warm, CRT.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 12:22 PM

An acidic old harlot named Gigi
Was playing, one day, with a squeegee,
At ninety degrees,
She got so very pleased,
That her squeals were detected in Fiji!!

Alyson MacDermis
Ballads from the Thin-Skin Trade
Honore and Offer, eds.
Birmingham, 1959


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 03:20 PM

Mom, I'm not ignoring you or Rustic or Janie. Sometimes I do ignore the others. But my router died (again. . . ) and I have the DSL modem hooked directly to the computer for the time being. My fire wall keeps stopping attempts by random computers who want to transfer data to me via an obscure port. Not bloody likely! I'll replace the router tonight and then we can have a leisurely brunch tomorrow.

It's a pretty day out, go sit on the porch, get a little sunshine!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 03:49 PM

YEah, we're just bathing in the stuff around here. My neighbor is up on his roof replacing some trim molding and keeps complaining because the shingles have gotten so warm to the touch.

Don't tell anyone from the Nawth I said so though. It upsets 'em some.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 06:07 PM

It is 37F and the snow is melting.

Good.

Now folks are getting worried about flooding. Just can't please nobody these days.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 06:11 PM

Jeeze, come down and borrow a couple of degrees and you-all can have a steambath gratis!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 06:18 PM

Thanks, but I don't like cheese in my steambath. It melts all over everything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 06:24 PM

There you go again, au gratin on my nerves. And I know you'll rationalize it by saying you were just doing your Doodle.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:10 PM

FLIGHT OF DOODLES

I come from Mannassas with a pocket full of fun,
I killed forty Yankees with a single-barreled gun.
It don't make a niff-a-stiff'rence to neither you nor I
Big Yankee, Little Yankee, all run or die.

I saw all the Yankees at Bull Run
They fought like the devil when the battle first begun.
But it don't make a niff-a-stiffrence to neither you nor I,
They took to their heels, boys, and you ought to see 'em fly

I saw old Fuss-and-Feathers Scott, twenty miles away,
His horses stuck up their ears, and you ought to hear 'em neigh
But it don't make a niff-a-stiffrence to neither you nor I,
Old Scott fled like the devil, boys, root, hog, or die.

I then saw a "Tiger, " from the old Crescent City,
He cut down the Yankees without any pity;
Oh! It don't make a niff-a-stiff'rence to neither you nor I,
We whipped the Yankee boys and made the boobies cry.

I saw South Carolina, the first in the cause,
Shake the dirty Yankees till she broke all their jaws;
Oh! It don't make a niff-a-stiff'rence to neither you nor I,
South Carolina give 'em Hell, boys, root, hog, or die.

I saw old Virginia, standing firm and true,
She fought mighty hard to whip the dirty crew;
Oh! It don't make a niff-a-stiff'rence to neither you nor I,
Old Virginia's blood and thunder, boys, root, hog, or die.

I saw old Georgia, the next in the van,
She cut down the Yankees almost to a man;
Oh! It don't make a niff-a-stiff'rence to neither you nor I,
Georgia's some in a fight, boys, root, hog, or die.

I saw Alabama in the midst of the storm,
She stood like a giant in the contest so warm;
Oh! It don't make a niff-a-stiff'rence to neither you nor I,
Alabama fought the Yankees, boys, till the last one did fly.

I saw Texas go in with a smile,
But I tell you what it is, she made the Yankees bile,
Oh! It don't make a niff-a-stiff'rence to neither you nor I,
Texas is the devil, boys, root, hog, or die.

I saw North Carolina in the deepest of the battle,
She knocked down the Yankees and made their bones rattle
Oh! It don't make a niff-a-stiff'rence to neither you nor I,
North Carolina's got the grit, boys, root, hog, or die.

Old Florida came in with a terrible shout,
She frightened all the Yankees till their eyes stuck out;
Oh! It don't make a niff-a-stiff'rence to neither you nor I,
Florida's death on Yankees, boys, root, hog, or die.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:29 PM

Now that there is shore world-class, Rapaire, pure-dee first class stuff. I wonner, now, where it come from. I am sure it is no product of yore own fevered brain.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:29 PM

Ha! I love it. Let out a rebel yell now, lads, and send 'em scurrying back to Washington. Forward under Longstreet! Forward under Jackson! Forward under Stuart, Early, and Bee! Drive them goldurn Yankees from the field!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:44 PM

At a little crick called Bull Run
We used their starry flag
To wipe ouah hosses down with,
An' I ain't here tuh brag...



Jeeze, Little Hawk, I think you're showing your karma, here. No wonder you are so sarcastic about the U.S. Gummint!! You musta kilt a chance of 'em in yer Ole Mass' Robets days.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:45 PM

I could easily declare war on such as they,
Currying cleverness out where the rape-fields reel,
Where others toil with little say.
They do not seem to care if images are real,
Sending their tongues, instead, on long, mad journeys,


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:46 PM

Imposing witted pictures on minds from other spaces,
Tongues from vegetable mimes or fire-sprouts,
Or asking for moonbeams to explain black lace,
And telling furious cats to work the human mind-set out,
Sending in replies all bedded on old gurneys. Pfui.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:46 PM

Who has the time or heart to dance
Among these broken pieces?   For how long?
Like them, my brain is wired so, by chance,
That just a breeze, and it will make mad songs,
A hot mind yearning to become some furnace--


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:46 PM

For any owner who will keep it neat,
Feed it fuel, and praise its heat,
And never mind burning truth, or how to know it.
Grounds, indeed, to start a war on poets,
Who ride the hot gyre, while the mad pictures burn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:46 PM

But then, what would we do? What hold
Would we have, some bearing to advise the soul,
Or know when something right is done?
Besides what if they won?
Better, perhaps, to let the pictures burn,
Work in the fields, and breath the smoking turns.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:48 PM





TWENTY TWO OF KAYYYYYY!!!!!



Yayyyyyyy!

(I mean the one just up from here, don't quibble with me.)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:54 PM

It kum from the Dijytrad, Amos. So did this'un:

RIDING A RAID

'Tis old Stonewall, the Rebel, that leans on his sword
And, while we are mounting, prays low to the Lord:
"Now each Cavalier that loves Honor and Right
Let him follow the feather of Stuart tonight!"

cho: Come tighten your girth and slacken your rein,
Come buckle your blanket and holster again;
Try the click of your trigger and balance your blade
For he must ride sure that goes riding a raid!

Now gallop, now gallop, to swim or to ford!
Old Stonewall, still watching, prays low to the Lord:
"Good-bye dear old Rebel! The river's not wide,
And Maryland's lights in her window to guide."

There's a man in a white house with blood on his mouth!
If there's knaves in the North, there are braves in the South
We are three thousand horses and not one afraid;
We are three thousand sabres and not a dull blade.

Then gallop, then gallop, by ravines and by rocks!
Who would bar us the way take his toll in hard knocks
For with these points of steel, on the line of Penn,
We have made some fine strokes --- and we'll make 'em again!


Ya kin sing it to the tune of "Bonnie Dundee" iffen ya got a mind ta.
Y'all might also sing

STONEWALL JACKSON'S WAY
(J. W. Palmer)

Come, stack arms, men, pile on the rails
Stir up the campfire bright;
No matter if the canteen fails,
We'll make a roaring night
Here Shenandoah brawls along
The burly Blue Ridge echoes strong
To swell the Brigade's rousing song
Of Stonewall Jackson's way!
We see him now --- the old slouched hat
Cocked o'er his eye askew.
The shrewd, dry smile, the speech so pat,
So calm, so blunt, so true;
The "Blue Light Elder" knows' em well:
Says he, "That's Banks, he's fond of shell;
Lord, save his soul! we'll give him ---", well
That's Stonewall Jackson's way.

Silence! Ground arms! Kneel all! Caps off!
Old "Blue Light's" going to pray;
Strangle the fool that dares to scoff!
Attention! It's his way!
Appealing from his native sod,
"Hear us, Almighty God! *
Lay bare Thine arm, stretch forth Thy rod,
Amen!" That's Stonewall Jackson's way.
He's in the saddle now! Fall in!
Steady! The whole brigade!
Hill's at the ford, cut off --- we'll win
His way out, ball and blade!
What matter if our shoes are worn?
What matter if our feet are torn?
"Quick-step! We're with him before dawn!"
That's Stonewall Jackson's way.

The sun's bright lances rout the mists
Of morning, and, by George!
Here's Longstreet struggling in the lists,
Hemmed in an ugly gorge.
Pope and his Yankees, whipped before,
"Bayonets and grape!" Hear Stonewall roar;
"Charge, Stuart! Pay off Ashby's score!"
Is Stonewall Jackson's way.
Ah, maiden, wait, and watch, and yearn
For news of Stonewall's band!
Ah, widow, read, with eyes that burn,
That ring upon thy hand!
Ah, wife, sew on, pray on, hope on!
Thy life shall not be all forlorn.
The foe had better ne'er been born
that gets in Stonewall's way.


* original reads "In forma pauperis to God"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 09:02 PM

This is for LH:

THE VALIANT CONSCRIPT

How are you, boys? I'm just from camp and feel as brave as Caesar
The sound of bugle drum and fife has raised my Ebeneezer.
I'm full of fight, odds shot and shell, I'll leap into the saddle
And when the Yankees see me come, Lord how they will skedaddle!

cho: Hold your head up, Shanghai Shanks,
Don't shake your knees and blink so;
It is no time to dodge the act
Brave comrades, don't you think so?

I was a ploughboy in the field, a gawky lazy didger,
When came the conscript officer and took me for a sodger.
He put a musket in my hand and showed me how to fire it,
I marched and counter-marched all day. Lord, how I did admire it!

With corn and hog fat for my food, and digging, guarding, drilling,
I got as thin as twice-skimmed milk and was scarcely worth the killing.
And now I'm used to homely fare, my skin as tough as leather,
I do guard duty cheerfully in any kind of weather.

I'm brimful of fight, my boys, I would not give a "Thank 'ee"
For all the smiles the girls can give until I've killed a Yankee.
High private is a glorious rank, there's wide room for promotion;
I'll get a corporal's stripes some day when fortune's in the notion.

"tis true I have not seen a fight nor have I smelt gunpowder,
But then the way I'll pepper them will be a sin to chowder.
A sergeant's stripes I now will sport, perhaps be colour-bearer,
And then a captain--good for me, I'll be a regular tearer.

I'll then begin to wear the stars and then the wreaths of glory,
Until the army I command, and poets sing my story.
Our Congress will pass votes of thanks to him thast rose from zero;
The people in a mass will shout, "Hurrah! Behold the hero!"


(he fires his gun by accident)

What's that? Oh dear! A boiler's burst! A gaspipe has exploded!
Maybe the Yankees are hard by with muskets ready loaded.
Oh gallant soldiers, beat 'em back. I'll join you in the frolic
But I've a chill from head to foot, and symptoms of the colic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 08 - 06:07 AM

Well, that's enough of that. Any more and Mom turns into a music thread.


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