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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

mousethief 20 Jan 10 - 05:35 PM
Amos 20 Jan 10 - 04:16 PM
mousethief 20 Jan 10 - 02:21 PM
MMario 20 Jan 10 - 02:19 PM
Rapparee 20 Jan 10 - 02:09 PM
MMario 20 Jan 10 - 01:01 PM
Amos 20 Jan 10 - 12:46 PM
Rapparee 20 Jan 10 - 12:14 PM
Amos 20 Jan 10 - 12:13 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 20 Jan 10 - 10:15 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Jan 10 - 10:03 AM
Rapparee 20 Jan 10 - 09:58 AM
Acme 20 Jan 10 - 01:56 AM
Amos 19 Jan 10 - 11:49 PM
Acme 19 Jan 10 - 10:26 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Jan 10 - 09:37 PM
Rapparee 19 Jan 10 - 09:03 PM
Rapparee 19 Jan 10 - 07:54 PM
Acme 19 Jan 10 - 07:28 PM
Amos 19 Jan 10 - 06:55 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 19 Jan 10 - 06:48 PM
mousethief 19 Jan 10 - 05:50 PM
Amos 19 Jan 10 - 04:08 PM
Amos 19 Jan 10 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 19 Jan 10 - 03:20 PM
Amos 19 Jan 10 - 02:38 PM
Little Hawk 19 Jan 10 - 12:48 PM
Rapparee 19 Jan 10 - 12:17 PM
Acme 19 Jan 10 - 11:05 AM
Amos 19 Jan 10 - 10:56 AM
MMario 19 Jan 10 - 10:01 AM
Rapparee 19 Jan 10 - 09:13 AM
Amos 19 Jan 10 - 08:57 AM
Amos 18 Jan 10 - 06:54 PM
Rapparee 18 Jan 10 - 06:50 PM
Little Hawk 18 Jan 10 - 05:22 PM
Acme 18 Jan 10 - 04:59 PM
Amos 18 Jan 10 - 03:47 PM
Little Hawk 18 Jan 10 - 02:08 PM
mousethief 18 Jan 10 - 12:40 PM
Amos 18 Jan 10 - 12:20 PM
Amos 18 Jan 10 - 11:10 AM
Acme 18 Jan 10 - 03:44 AM
Amos 18 Jan 10 - 02:56 AM
GUEST,Rapaire 17 Jan 10 - 10:20 PM
Little Hawk 17 Jan 10 - 10:10 PM
Amos 17 Jan 10 - 09:49 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 17 Jan 10 - 09:18 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 10 - 09:15 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 17 Jan 10 - 07:18 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 05:35 PM

There, there.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 04:16 PM

Knowing there is a there there is an illusion, but it is an important illusion. Otherwise, why, gosh, you'd be responsible for EVERYthing!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 02:21 PM

On the other hand if you leave here to go there, you may find that when you get to where you thought would be there, you aren't there at all, but you had been there all along, back when you were here, and now you need to go back to here to be there once again.

But truly, that's neither here nor there.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 02:19 PM

But there is there when we are here, so why isn't there there when we are there?

Oh - is it like tomorrow is tomorrow when it's today - but when tomorrow is today then tomorrow is the day after!?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 02:09 PM

We are never "there", Grasshopper, because we do not know where "there" is. Many times you will find that when you get there there is no there there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 01:01 PM

Are we there yet?

Where are we headed, anyway?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 12:46 PM

Then old Rapaire he heard a voice
'Most clear as any bell.
"There's fudgicles and Drumsticks, son,
To be found in them thar hills."
Now, where thet voice had come from,
Rapaire jest did not know.
But he was partial to them Drumstick thangs,
So he told Ma he would go.

Then Little Hawk he lumbered up,
Fixing to join the fun.
It warn't because he wanted to,
But jest not to be out done.
And BWL strapped on his shoes
Made for crossing niege glacée,
Said he was bored with waiting 'round
And he'd go for the next of Kay.

So Janie and Stilly limbered up
And lined up in the yard
In a little old New England sleigh
Pulled by a Saint Bernard.
They knew those boys were trouble-bound
And always full of sin
And in case they had to be found,
They agreed to chip on in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 12:14 PM

Drop around, good Shame, and I'll explain it all to you quite thoroughly. Julie is one hot babe who has the hots for you for some reason. Jack Slade is a local bartender who has heard of you and wants to see if you can drink as much free beer (your choice) as you say you can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 12:13 PM

HEy, fuckhead. See the link. Google the names. Read the effing thread.

Dweeblet.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 10:15 AM

Who the flip are Jack Slade and Julie Benis?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 10:03 AM

Fudgesicles....

When I was a young'un, we made chocolate milk using nonfat dry milk. It sucked when freshly mixed, but it you let it sit in the fridge overnight it tasted identical to Yoohoo chocolate drink, which is pretty much just a melted Fudgesicle. It was cool 'cause Mom (my mom, not our Mom) wouldn't buy Yoohoo. If we wanted it, we had to use our allowance money. But we could mix up a pitcherful of homebrew for free and save our allowance money for candy and other drugs.

I think Mom would like some to wash down her Creamsicles, but I'm not going to make it for her. Somebody give her a buck so she can buy a Yoohoo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 09:58 AM

I've been partial to Drumsticks and still eat them.

Amos, you missed the special treat good ol' Jack had for Jules. You really should do more thorough research.

Months later, Slade was returning from the Pacific Springs Station when he received word that Jules Beni was in the area. Some of Slade's employees captured Jules and took him to the Rocky Ridge Station, binding him to a post in the station's cattle-yard. There, Slade would periodically, through the night, stick his head out the door and take pot shots at Jules, nicking him. In the morning Slade finally dispatched Jules, cutting off his ears and turning one in to a watch fob and the other into an 1860's version of a worry stone. Jules, himself, may not have been so innocent [he had shot Slade six times with a revolver and emptied a sawed-off shotgun full of buckshot into him]. Most sources say that Slade used Beni as a target for at least two days before administering the coup de grace.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Jan 10 - 01:56 AM

I was more fond of fudgesicles, myself. And that's not a bad one to resurrect, either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 11:49 PM

Rapaire's obscure reference to the Slade/Beni legend is explained here.

I LOVE that BWL brought up Creamsicles. It is one of those nouns that needs to be resurrected every decade or so just for the sheer joy of it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 10:26 PM

Right now, MOM has forgotten about dinner and wants to stomp off to Massachusetts and kick some butts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 09:37 PM

Mom doesn't want pizza or barbecue. Mom wants Creamsicles!

She wants LOTS of Creamsicles!

She wants a box of two dozen, and she wants them all for herself!

You ain't gettin' any, so don't ask!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 09:03 PM

Dear Shame,

SHOULD you ever decide to visit, I can assure you that I'll stand treat, just as Jack Slade treated Jules Beni, only my treat will go on for a couple of weeks 'cause you're such a guy.

Sincerely yours,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 07:54 PM

Dear Shame,

I'm so sorry to disappoint you. Truly, I am. I assure you that when YOU die I shall toast your memory with the best whisky I can get, and then I shall pour it onto your grave. Of course, I'll run it through my kidneys first.

Shame, did I mention my new pistol? It's a Sig Sauer .40 calibre, holding 15 rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber. Of course, I don't use jacketed ammunition, so the hole is about four-tenths of an inch going in and about an inch or more across going out. Terrific tissue damage, as you would expect. I used it to win the Stafford Cup from the New Northwest Practical Pistol Shooting Association -- 30 rounds at ranges from 5 to 150 meters, and I scored a "possible", hitting dead in the centre of the "kill zone" on every target. I also did the knifework and unarmed combat portions of the competition and tied for first in both. Not bad for an old geezer, eh?

Drop around and visit sometime.

Your pal,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 07:28 PM

Sitting in the waiting room of the guitar studio, listening to the learning phases of a Bach piece. Mmmmmm! It's so lovely, I want to enjoy a mellow evening, not break the mood cooking. Do you think MOM would prefer pizza or BarBQue for dinner tonight?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 06:55 PM

And none of us was much inclined
To jump in for her plan,
For Ma she drove a hard, hard trail
As tough as any man.
She'd eat the man for brekfuss
As stopped her in her way
So it didn't sound like a heap of fun
To mush to the next of Kay.
And we knew that road was awful hard,
Unmarked in the frozen hills
And we'd all heard tell of those who'd tried
And died from ice, or spills
Or died from the heart-stopping Northers there
That rip yer lungs away,
So there wasn't much incitement
To suit up fer the next o' Kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 06:48 PM

Youse flipheads make me SAD! Here yer lifes are goin' by and alls you can think to do with yer time is right a hole lotta stoopid poems and stuff on this here thred. Whatta buncha LOOSERS! It's pa-flippin'-thetick is what it is. Youse all otta get a flippin' life, eh?

Rapaire - I thought you was dead and berryed by now. But you are not I gess. Too flippin' bad! I allready got drunk celebratin' yer flippin' deemyse and even gave out some free dope to my pals. You OWE me.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 05:50 PM

At least he's not firing the surgeon general.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 04:08 PM

There's places where they say its cold
At 45 degrees
And places where it gets so cold
It makes you lock your knees.
There's regions where the cusswords hang
All frozen through the winter
And come to life at the start of Spring
Making raucous roars a-splinter.
There are lands where the sun never shows its face
Throughout the winter's day
And places where the white bears live
Where it's too damn cold to pray.
But the coldest stretch I ever saw
And the toughest winter's way
Was the trek where Ma nearly broke her neck
Making Thirty Four of Kay.

It was warm enough when we started out
Down in Thirtythree and Six.
And when Mom said she'd had a thought,
We thought we knew her tricks.
So we lazed around by the fire bright
In a warm and friendly snow,
And Mom explained what she had in mind,
And where she planned to go.
Wal, the dogs were stretched in their snow-hole beds
Dreaming of canine beers,
But when she spoke each raised his head,
And flattened out his ears.
And they all shivered, as if a chill
Or a williwaw, as they say,
Had come sweeping down from the northern peaks
Out by Thirty Four of Kay.

Now Ma, she knew them dogs clear through
Each blooded breed and line
And in those parts, the people said
She had half a canine mind.
So she knew what she would have to do
To break them from their beds,
And she uttered a cry like wolves in heat
And her whipped snapped over their heads.
So one by one the dogs stood up
And snarled with an awful sneer
But Ma she stood and stared them down,
And pretended not to hear.
And one by one those hell-hounds flinched
ANd into their traces lay,
They could tell that Ma would brook no stop
Til the Thirty Four o' Kay.

The boss-dog there was B.S. Buck,
Her was long in tooth and fur.
There wasn't a bitch the length of the line
But Buck and conquered her.
And there wasn't a dog in the whole damn team
As they snarled right whar they stood
That didn't remember some frozen night
When Buck had drawn his blood.
And Buck was the last to creep to the trace
And he stared in an evil way;
You could his heart warn't inclined to start
On the trail to another Kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 03:34 PM

Ah, zee song ov zee 'Orse Pucky is 'eard in our land!!

You are fictionalizing again, chér Rapaire, in a vein as toxic and wasteful as M. 'ack's worst imazhinings.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 03:20 PM

Au contraire, mon vieux Amos. Et Petit Hawk aussi.

For some time NSA satellites have been able to record video sequences through interfering media such as leaves and roofs and thus there is an extensive "library" of the solitary vices you both indulge in. Being a simple country librarian, I wouldn't know how to break into this database, nope, but I have somehow been made privy to some of the materials therein and must pass these messages along:

Amos, "flogging your dolphin" is not something to be taken literally and I'm surprised that the ASPCA or a similar organization hasn't yet interfered. LH, the long, lush growth of green hair on your palms did not come from a bad lot of Rogaine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 02:38 PM

The reason you have not, oh Confabulator, is that my vile solitary habits are entirely unknown to you; habits such as contemplating the greatest good, dreaming up random acts of kindness, composing lyrical pieces, dream of a Better World, designing deathless literature, and so on.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 12:48 PM

Amos - "I am sure, sir, that playing with your own piece is a continuous source of delight to you."

You are going too far when you say that, sir! I have not spoken a word on this forum about your own vile solitary habits, because I am a person with some sense of restraint and mutual respect...unlike yourself! I am now compelled, however, to respond in kind. It is my opinion that if you persist in "spanking the monkey" any further you will not only go blind...he will start hitting back!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 12:17 PM

I'd leave Ericsson alone, if I were you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 11:05 AM

Amos, I'll probably leaf well enough alone, and leave you free to massage the thief, lief end of things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 10:56 AM

Given druthers, I would leif
Post in threads used by Mousethief.
Rather than read some ancient breviary
I would revel in Mousetheivery!
So I concur, with warm aplomb,
Welcome back, Mousethief, to Mom!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 10:01 AM

Hey Alex! Good to see you around the 'cat again. And here at MOAB you always did show good taste.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 09:13 AM

Were they in it at the time?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jan 10 - 08:57 AM

Stilly:

Mom does not approve of letting our lives be governed by matching appearances to the neighbors. If your neighbor bought a 50,000 car and drove it off a cliff, would you do the same?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 06:54 PM

I am sure, sir, that playing with your own piece sis a continuous source of delight to you. But that does not address the point at all. Never mind.

We are almost 75% of the way to the Great 34,000 mark.

I started another daring, brawny, big-muscled ballad about this chase, but they gather only sneering remarks, chilled disdain, or cool indifference, despite the sweat, art, and inspiration that goes into them. I will leave the huge and frightening dogs curled up in their snowy beds, therefore, ignoring Ma's cracking whip and urgent strident demands for speed. Go with the flow, man, and stay warm.

Meanwhile, the Evil Sprites of Winter have just ruined my week with great swaths of dark gray rain sheeting down in every corner of the county. This is really unacceptable. I think I will move to Southern California.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 06:50 PM

And you can mention to Ol' Shame that Big Tony called. He's on his way with a couple of his friends, Hammer and Grinder. I don't know them so I don't know why they are called by those names (but I can guess).

Big Tony said "dis job is free fer youse cuz youse is a swell guy." I tried to argue with him and pay regular rates but he said, "Nah, I been gittin' itchy ta do somethin' and this'll do it. Ya want his ears or anything for, like, a sovvynear? It'd make Grinder feel useful."

I declined, but told him they could keep anything they wanted.

It was great to talk with Big Tony again. Hadn't spoken with him since he did that spell in Ossining. Nice guy, Tony.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 05:22 PM

There is no desperation at all in my anecdotes about Chongo, Amos. Matter of fact, I find it gives me pleasure and relaxation to talk about my simian pal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 04:59 PM

My next door neighbor mowed his weeds and mulched leaves today. That means I must follow suit or my yard will look like a limp rag next to his.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 03:47 PM

Given that Chongo is not only a mere figmentof LH's overheated imagining, but is also reported to be deceased as a result of reckless incursions into IED territory outside of Kandahar, it strikes me that this ad hominem fantasy about darts is somewhat of a desperate solution.

And anyway, he got the idea from Chinga who uses a booking photo of Chongo (from the Milwaukee PD mug files) for the same purpose, except she uses stilletto shivs.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 02:08 PM

Chongo has a new pastime. He printed off a copy of one of Amos's pictures from the member photos section and has put it up on his office wall. He leans back in his chair, smokes a cigar, drinks his whisky, and lazily throws darts at the picture while waiting for a client to arrive with a case to solve. He awards himself another shot of whisky each time he manages to put a dart right in the end of Amos's nose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: mousethief
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 12:40 PM

Amos said:

I SUPPORT FREE QUARKS!!!!

Mousethief replies:

So, that's your spin on it, eh? Charming.

O..O
=o=


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 12:20 PM

Well, no, I do not have LightScribe but as I understand it it can only do grayscale stuff anyway.

I can now easily print a color image onto a CD, with pretty blue water and green hills ...

and my name in purple ...

surrounded by pink pinches of cotton candy for emphasis, ...

with the play list appearing in tiny mauve bold on the horn of a friendly scarlet unicorn...


if I want.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 11:10 AM

If the tables are so taxing, why not just table the taxes for now? Turnabout is fair play, no?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 03:44 AM

Sorry I didn't respond to that, Amos. It has been a most taxing day.

I'm stopping while I'm ahead. I think. I can't make any sense out of that stupid state sales tax table.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 10 - 02:56 AM

I don't, but I try to humor you...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 10:20 PM

Amos, if you are speaking of me, why do you think that I am "real"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 10:10 PM

Yes, I had a feeling you'd react to that... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 09:49 PM

Dammit, the PostePixie bit me. I was going to ask whether anyone sees a bit of irony in the contradistinction: I rub out an imaginary character of LH's and am assailed for my moral turpitude; Little Hawk has one of his imaginary characters try to rub out one of our real authors here at Mom's, and a tired silence is heard throughout the mansions of my Mom's house.

Some kind of double standard, I wot.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 09:18 PM

...people who run the Lava Hot Springs mineral pools. No sulfur, just hot to warm (112F and downwards) pools to soak in for a couple of hours. And I'll do it again tomorrow morning.

Dear Shame:

I knew that you'd miss me but I never knew how much. Just to show you how much I care, at my own personal expense I'm going to have a guy named "Big Tony" DiAnnunzio and a couple of his friends come over from Toronto to "visit" you. You'll like Tony: he too has spent some time in some of the better prisons of Canada and the US. In fact, he liked Canada so much the US sent him back there! I'll see that he rents a boat and takes you for a nice boat ride, and that he shows you how an anchor works.

Have fun!!

Your pal,
Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 09:15 PM

What a shame! And I was going to tell Rapaire about the song I heard on our public radio station's Sunday acoustic music program today. It was bluegrassish (though Bill Monroe would never call it "bluegrass") with the usual 'grass intrumentation of guitar, banjo, mandolin and Dobro PLUS A TRUMPET! It was cool! A Dobro and trumpet together in the same band, and it WORKED! Who'da thunk it?

Too bad Rapaire couldn't have hung on for a few more hours so he could have gone to the other side knowing that Bee-dubya finally heard some trumpet music that didn't suck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 07:18 PM

NEWS-flippin' Flash here!!!!!! A huge ugly pink thing that looks like a giant boiled terd got fownded somewheres in Idaho-flippin'-Ho. At first the cops thoght it reely was a giant pink terd, but when they got some, like, medykul expurts to chech it over it turnned out to be Rapaire! He must of got bioiled alive by the bad space alyens! Them guys that the Greys don't flippin' like, eh? And they took all his cloathes too and that is why he looks like a big pink boiled turd now.

What a flippin' shame, eh?

I am gonna hold a little flippin' fyoneral in the backyard for the bolthole. Youse should do the same, eh? He was a bolthole, but he was a bolthole we all knew, and that hurts!

Will he be mist? I honestly don't think so. But still, we otta say a few words and crack a beer or 2.

And then piss on his grave and selebrait! Ha! Ha! Ha!

- Shane

p.s. Bye, bye, idiot!


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