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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 13 Jan 10 - 09:48 AM
Rapparee 13 Jan 10 - 09:34 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Jan 10 - 05:46 AM
Little Hawk 13 Jan 10 - 01:00 AM
Acme 13 Jan 10 - 12:47 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jan 10 - 09:53 PM
Rapparee 12 Jan 10 - 09:00 PM
Amos 12 Jan 10 - 07:49 PM
Little Hawk 12 Jan 10 - 06:53 PM
Amos 12 Jan 10 - 06:38 PM
Little Hawk 12 Jan 10 - 01:57 PM
Amos 12 Jan 10 - 01:57 PM
MMario 12 Jan 10 - 01:53 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jan 10 - 01:48 PM
Amos 12 Jan 10 - 01:37 PM
Rapparee 12 Jan 10 - 01:35 PM
Amos 12 Jan 10 - 01:33 PM
MMario 12 Jan 10 - 12:33 PM
Rapparee 12 Jan 10 - 11:40 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Jan 10 - 11:29 AM
Rapparee 12 Jan 10 - 09:36 AM
MMario 12 Jan 10 - 09:03 AM
Acme 12 Jan 10 - 01:54 AM
Little Hawk 12 Jan 10 - 01:34 AM
Amos 11 Jan 10 - 11:33 PM
Amos 11 Jan 10 - 11:26 PM
Acme 11 Jan 10 - 10:23 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jan 10 - 10:22 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 10 - 10:05 PM
Acme 11 Jan 10 - 09:07 PM
Amos 11 Jan 10 - 08:39 PM
Amos 11 Jan 10 - 07:39 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jan 10 - 06:19 PM
Little Hawk 11 Jan 10 - 06:12 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 10 - 05:20 PM
Amos 11 Jan 10 - 04:08 PM
MMario 11 Jan 10 - 03:50 PM
Amos 11 Jan 10 - 03:48 PM
Rapparee 11 Jan 10 - 03:47 PM
MMario 11 Jan 10 - 03:36 PM
Acme 11 Jan 10 - 03:29 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jan 10 - 02:04 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 11 Jan 10 - 09:01 AM
Rapparee 11 Jan 10 - 08:52 AM
Amos 11 Jan 10 - 04:50 AM
Acme 11 Jan 10 - 12:56 AM
GUEST,Rapaire 10 Jan 10 - 09:40 PM
Donuel 10 Jan 10 - 05:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Jan 10 - 04:29 PM
MMario 10 Jan 10 - 04:12 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jan 10 - 09:48 AM

Well put, Rapaire. Compassion is the key.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jan 10 - 09:34 AM

Look, you have to explain things to Amos. He once heard Francis Bacon's quote that "some books are to be digested" and was forever banned from the public library for eating a dictionary. He thinks that every morning the city of San Diego turns on the lights and turns them off at night. He once reported a very slow, very bright UFO crossing the sky from east to west that was toasting the Earth with heat rays.

Be patient with him. He's worked hard these many years to reach the letter "E" in the alphabet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jan 10 - 05:46 AM

By coincidence, I happened across this passage a couple of nights ago while reading Ann Patchett's Bel Canto:

"By the middle of November, the garua had ended. It did not drift away. It did not lessen. It simply stopped, so that one day everything had the saturated quality of a book dropped into a bathtub and the next day the air was bright and crisp and extremely blue."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jan 10 - 01:00 AM

Amos, I find the Sea Cucumber and the common Garden Slug far more boring than the concept of the Vampire Bunny.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jan 10 - 12:47 AM

Reading on the toilet is okay, but not it the tub.

Got it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 09:53 PM

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

NO BOOKS IN THE BATHTUB!

Water and books DON'T mix!



Bathtubs were made for rubber duckies, submarines, tugboats, sailboats, fireboats, frogs, and frogmen

BUT NO BOOKS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 09:00 PM

That's because you don't know.

I suggest you read the books. Yes, yes, I know it's old technology, but go on and try it. (Hint: you don't need to plug it in or use batteries. And you can use it in the bathtub without fear of electrocution.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 07:49 PM

For some reason I can't quite name,. I can't think of any creature more boring than a vampire bunny. I dunno why.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 06:53 PM

Echoes from afah...Bunicculi, Bunnicula....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 06:38 PM

Boing! Boing!! Gaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Boing. Boing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 01:57 PM

He hops by night!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 01:57 PM

My fantasies are often light blue or gauzy tan. When my mind goes to sleep it slips into the uncontrolled slalom of images, and any color is fair game.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 01:53 PM

Bunnicula will change that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 01:48 PM

If your carrots are white. you may have accidentally planted parsnips or daikon radish instead of carrots.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 01:37 PM

My carats are mostly gold, or diamantine,
my carets black,
my carrots orange.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 01:35 PM

You'll know, Amos, when all of your carrots are white!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 01:33 PM

I thought celery stalks at midnight were usually limp, no?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 12:33 PM

The Celerty stalks at midnight!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 11:40 AM

Of course, there's always THIS!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 11:29 AM

Philosophical tiger? Read Life of Pi.

Okay, the tiger's not really very philosophical. He just eats and shits. Learning to live with the tiger is where the philosophical part comes in.

I suppose the same could be said for mosquitoes and leeches.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 09:36 AM

There's already a philosophical tiger.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 09:03 AM

Amos - how come two of the three are blood-suckers...are you jumping on the vampire bandwagon?

Hmmmmm, which brings up a puzzledr - what happens if a species which drinks blood becomes a vampire - are they forced to drink water, or nectar in ordrr to survive?

Pity the poor vampire mosquito - who must search the night for night- blooming blossoms upon which to wreak it's deadly way!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 01:54 AM

MOM has been chuckling about this all evening.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jan 10 - 01:34 AM

A metaphysical Tiger sounds like a really great idea! Do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 11:33 PM

Well, LH, I suppose I could invent a talking mosquito with a really rasty attitude. OR, maybe, a Philosophical Leech? Or a Metaphysical Tiger? How would you like that for competition?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 11:26 PM

He leads best who knows when to follow after!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 10:23 PM

They want demonstrations of leadership. Would this include any time he voluntarily washed a load of laundry, or policed the back yard for dog droppings?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 10:22 PM

The blue font helps some. I feel my ennui decreasing by a tiny amount...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 10:05 PM

Tell him to write about his lovely mother and her wonderful dogs. If he can work in apple pie he'll have it all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 09:07 PM

Nail-biting time! Less than three hours until the witching hour, he must turn in the forms for this huge huge scholarship. And can't think of anything to say on the last two essays. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 08:39 PM

I dreamed in a dream I saw a city invincible to the attacks of the whole of the rest of the earth,
I dreamed that was the new city of Friends,
Nothing was greater there than the quality of robust love, it led the rest.
It was seen every hour in the actions of the men of that city
And in all their looks and words.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 07:39 PM

He's not talking Latin. He's trying to be impressive by pretending to talk Latin but not quite succeeding.

Vado tergum ut schola quod perceptum oro per civilis ut vestri socius vir , vos tener piscis!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 06:19 PM

Mom! Rapaire's talkin' Latin again! I think he said something about measuring Nolo's anus!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 06:12 PM

Again, gentlemen, you are failing to amuse me! I am experiencing ennui. Don't you realize your pressing responsibilities in this regard?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 05:20 PM

Ah, Amos. If only you knew Latin! Bene, cum Latine nescias, nolo manus meas in te maculare. (Braccae tuae aperiuntur.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 04:08 PM

Never mind, love lifts the slipperiest heart, as the old saying goeth.

The main thing is that it comes with a power supply.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 03:50 PM

CAt in the hat? moss covered three handles family gredunza?

never mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 03:48 PM

I am sure I do not understand MM's joke; perhaps it is over my head, as the perverted bishop said.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 03:47 PM

Cogito, ergo cloaca sum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 03:36 PM

A moss covered three purpose family cloaca?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 03:29 PM

MOM!

Bruce said cloaca!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 02:04 PM

For Gluon's benefit, I've taken the liberty of compiling this brief glossary of duckspeak:

Quack! - You have something green stuck to your cloaca!

Quack? - Do these feathers make by butt look all waddley?

Quack!!! - The farmer's looking at the Peking Duck recipe in that Chinese cookbook again!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 09:01 AM

No, Gluon is not naturally bilingual. He* would be if he'd had an opportunity to learn duck or dog from either of his parents, but the actual time Gluon spent with his parents was tragically short. He fell out of his cradle the day after he was bratched** and accidentally slipped into a seventeen-dimensional vortex. It took him roughly 350 of our years to find his way out of the vortex (though it only seemed like a few seconds to Gluon). By the time he returned to our spatial plane, his parents were not even distant memories to anyone else. He found himself alone, and with an insatiable craving for cracked corn mixed with Alpo. He also found that the only sound he was innately capable of making was "QUARK!", and while he has learned to convey an unlimited number of meanings using that one "word", he has recently felt a desire to "get in touch with his roots" by learning the duckspeak and dogspeak of his long lost parents.

* Gluon is not literally a "he" nor a "she", but something in between. The author has referred to Gluon as "he/she/it" in the past, but finds that construction too bulky. Therefore, we've arbitrarily chosen to use "he" for the sake of convenience. You are free to use whatever pronoun you choose.

** Bratched: A cross between "born" and "hatched". It's uncertain whether Gluon was born live, hatched from an egg, or some hard to imagine combination of the two.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 08:52 AM

A few stray shots of radiation and you might have been a duckamos, you know.

Besides, Gluon answers commands. The absolute favorite seems to be "Sit and stray!" which, of course, Gluon has no problems doing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 04:50 AM

Actually you have to be speaking a far-distant language to even conceive of a duckdog.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Jan 10 - 12:56 AM

We are talking about a duck dog. It thought it was understood that she was bilingual.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 10 Jan 10 - 09:40 PM

Illinois has copperheads, timber rattlers, prairie rattlers, water moccasins, and politicians. Folks from Illinois have learned to live with the snakes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Jan 10 - 05:28 PM

Go ahead duck we hear all your quacks

A trains a comin an yer still on the tracks

Go ahead duck yer jus squawkin to annoy

I'm a rattlesnake daddy from Illinois

A rattlesnake daddy rattlin loud as I can

I'm a rattlesnake daddy down in the sand

you fool duck don't hear me over all the noise.

Who you quackin at, you quackin at yer boys

Why that duck jus keep quackin on the tracks

You fool duck, if ya don't get smacked vou'll git bit

cuz I'm a rattlesnake daddy from Illinois an I don't quit

I'm a rattlesnake daddy from Illinois an I don't quit

Wham Bam lookit them duck feathers fly

Duck's plucked clean and its dinner time

I swallowed that fool duck whole mmm boy

cuz Ima rattlesnake daddy from Illinois


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jan 10 - 04:29 PM

Gluon is working on becoming multilingual. In recognition of his/her/its bispecial roots he/she/it is learning to speak Duck and Dog as well as Duckdog.

Mastering "Quack!" was a breeze and "Arf!" wasn't as difficult as one might imagine. But that howling at the moon stuff is really posing posing a bit of a challenge. Try to imagine Donald Duck attempting to imitate a pack of coyotes. That's not exactly what it sounds like, but it's within the tristate area.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Jan 10 - 04:12 PM

I thought Gluon said "Quark"


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