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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 01:05 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jul 08 - 02:12 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 04:31 PM
Amos 02 Jul 08 - 04:42 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 06:46 PM
Amos 02 Jul 08 - 07:38 PM
Rapparee 02 Jul 08 - 09:37 PM
Amos 02 Jul 08 - 10:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jul 08 - 11:49 PM
Amos 03 Jul 08 - 12:27 AM
Acme 03 Jul 08 - 12:58 AM
Amos 03 Jul 08 - 04:24 AM
Rapparee 03 Jul 08 - 08:40 AM
Amos 03 Jul 08 - 10:01 AM
Amos 03 Jul 08 - 11:14 AM
Little Hawk 03 Jul 08 - 12:39 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 08 - 02:04 PM
frogprince 03 Jul 08 - 09:20 PM
Rapparee 03 Jul 08 - 09:23 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Jul 08 - 09:54 PM
Amos 03 Jul 08 - 11:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jul 08 - 12:18 AM
Acme 04 Jul 08 - 01:20 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jul 08 - 01:35 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 08 - 01:43 PM
Amos 04 Jul 08 - 02:32 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 08 - 02:38 PM
Amos 04 Jul 08 - 03:07 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jul 08 - 03:25 PM
Amos 04 Jul 08 - 03:30 PM
Little Hawk 04 Jul 08 - 03:38 PM
Amos 04 Jul 08 - 04:25 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 08 - 06:06 PM
Amos 04 Jul 08 - 06:26 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 08 - 06:49 PM
Amos 04 Jul 08 - 08:21 PM
Acme 04 Jul 08 - 08:40 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jul 08 - 09:30 PM
Rapparee 04 Jul 08 - 10:40 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jul 08 - 11:17 PM
Little Hawk 05 Jul 08 - 12:18 AM
Rapparee 05 Jul 08 - 12:53 AM
Little Hawk 05 Jul 08 - 12:54 AM
Acme 05 Jul 08 - 01:05 AM
Amos 05 Jul 08 - 01:13 AM
Rapparee 05 Jul 08 - 10:49 AM
Acme 05 Jul 08 - 11:14 AM
Amos 05 Jul 08 - 11:54 AM
Amos 05 Jul 08 - 12:34 PM
Acme 05 Jul 08 - 05:47 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 01:05 PM

The K-Bar in my desk drawer has only a 5.5 inch blade. Is that long enough or should I go buy the larger one?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 02:12 PM

The 5.5" K-Bar should be fine. If you think you need anything bigger than that you're probably looking in one of those funhouse mirrors that stretches and magnifies stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 04:31 PM

Okay, I did that. Nothing happened, so I did it to a bunch of other people. Nothing happened each time.

Obviously we only exist in front.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 04:42 PM

Ask your doctor to revise the pain medications. The ones he has you on are not doing you good. Did you go to the vet by mistake, perchance?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 06:46 PM

But what about the 23 other people?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 07:38 PM

I suppose it is too late for them. Did they have organ donation plan cards in their wallets? I bet you forgot to check, you careless fellow.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 09:37 PM

They didn't bleed or do anything like Bee-Dubya said they would if they actually had backs.

I'll bet you wouldn't either. Try it and let me know, okay? This is Scientific Research with a capital SR and will solve the age-old problem of whether or not we really have something behind us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 10:55 PM

I'll do it after I see the grant money, sir.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jul 08 - 11:49 PM

If you could run around in a circle fast enough, you'd be able to see your own back. I bet Gluon can do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 12:27 AM

YEah. But you'd better get your brakes checked before you start out....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 12:58 AM

Wouldn't need brakes if you nailed one foot to the floor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 04:24 AM

Now, that evokes a really silly picture....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 08:40 AM

I tried that and just now finished. I ran so fast the nail melted, which ignited the floorboards, and I now have a circular hole about 2 meters across burnt into my floor.

Still didn't prove or disprove anything. And Gluon is humping my leg.

Again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 10:01 AM

Try not putting your leg into n-dimensional space all the time, Rapaire. It just encourages him. Really. He probably thinks it's a pork-flavored rabbit or something. Or maybe a lemon-ice.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 11:14 AM

"EL CAJON ? Iraq's government is considering San Diego as a possible site for a consulate that would serve thousands of Iraqi-Americans in California, Iraq's top diplomat to the United States said yesterday in El Cajon.


Iraqi Ambassador Samir Sumaidaie said San Francisco and Los Angeles are also in the running and that he will make his recommendation after he returns to Washington, D.C. He met with more than 250 Iraqi-Americans at the Ronald Reagan Community Center in El Cajon, where he discussed the situation in Iraq and fielded questions in Arabic and English."

Ha!! You notice there aren't any Brave New World Ambassadors flocking to POcatello, don't you??? Well??? Ha.

\'COurse the locals kinda grin about it being out in El Cajon, an arid sub-city to the east of SD proper. But, hey, when you're from 20,000 miles away, you can be expected not to get the small stuff right...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 12:39 PM

El Cajon is located just a few miles from Los Cojones, is it not?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 02:04 PM

No, just high-tech businesses with high-paying jobs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 09:20 PM

Dang; I saw "The New Mother" in a thread title, and read it in my mind as "The New Mother of all BS threads" for a second there. I was gonna drop in and say "New Mother? New Mother? Can i watch her pop a boobie out to feed the baby?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 09:23 PM

No, but you can have a freshly (or, as I almost typed, fleshry) cooked scone with honey butter and chat with her as she rocks on the porch, enjoying her scones and gin and tonic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 09:54 PM

Yeah, Mom's scones are lookin' pretty good since she got those implants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Jul 08 - 11:58 PM

IMplanted scones? On a Mom???

Whatever is this thread coming to?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 12:18 AM

The scone implants will fit right in with the pierced croissant and the tattoo on her tea biscuit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 01:20 PM

That only works because her upper plate was repaired recently.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 01:35 PM

Is this going somewhere?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 01:43 PM

Same place as always. Where'd you think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 02:32 PM

Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere!!! WHy does BS have to be "about" something or "going" somewhere???

Can't you tolerate it just being?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 02:38 PM

Oh MOAB! If the scholars ask thee why
This treasure is wasted on earth and sky
Tell them, dear, that if eyes were made for seeing
Then BS is its own excuse for being!
Oh, why thou were, oh essence for the nose
I never sought to ask, I only knew
That the self-same power that brought me here brought pee-uu!

          --Ames Goode-Inbowl, Songs Of Lost Innocence
            (Stone, Idaho: 1843).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 03:07 PM

In May, when sea-winds pierced our solitudes,
I found the fresh Rhodora in the woods ,
Spreading its leafless blooms in a damp nook,
To please the desert and the sluggish brook.
The purple petals , fallen in the pool ,
Made the black water with their beauty gay;
Here might the red-bird come his plumes to cool,
And court the flower that cheapens his array.

Rhodora ! if the sages ask thee why
This charm is wasted on the earth and sky,
Tell them, dear, that if eyes were made for seeing,
Then Beauty is its own excuse for being :
Why thou wert there, O rival of the rose!
I never thought to ask , I never knew:
But, in my simple ignorance , suppose
The self-same Power that brought me there brought you.

Ralph Waldo Emerson


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 03:25 PM

Just thought I'd create a momentary interruption in your little coffee klatch here. ;-D I do so enjoy doing that now and then. Besides, I worry that without the injection of some non-familial genes from outside the circle now and then this thread could become downright incestuous. If so, it might produce inbred progeny, and we wouldn't want that to happen, would we?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 03:30 PM

Well, I dunno, LH. You're being kind of heartless. Take the ong view. Where will tomorrow's children be without MOAB? When they are adults, will they be sobersides without grace, deprived of humour? Will they be un-poets only able to parse direct propositions bounded by reality as she is practiced? Come come--MOAB needs progeny for the sake of the future of humanity, Man!!! And as one of the few disseminators not already attached by vows of marital fidelity, it falls, my friend, on you to do something about this!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 03:38 PM

Ah, yes, the ong view.

You're right. The ong view must be given fair consideration. Ongification, I've heard, can raise consciousness to levels of subtle vibration that can cause all the illusions of the gross material worlds to fall away, like so many layers of skin off an onion, until the final, bare, undeniable truth of existence is seen, at which point one realizes in a stunning moment of complete knowledge and wonder that--


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 04:25 PM

THere's no "that" there, LH. Put a period after "wonder".



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 06:06 PM

That Ames Goode-Inbowl fella stole that there pome from that Emerson guy? That's...that's...playjerism. And that ain't right. That there Emerson feller oughta punch the other guy in nose!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 06:26 PM

SHocking dereliction of fundamental literary protocol, isn't it, old fella? I suppose they'll have to demote him to a librarian somewhere...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 06:49 PM

Hell, I'd demote that sucker to a user!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 08:21 PM

Yeah, One of those ne'er-do-well users. Just the thing.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 08:40 PM

Super Librarian


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 09:30 PM

Here, Mom. Enteratin yourself with THIS for a while.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 10:40 PM

I did, several times. Nothing much happened. Sort of like living in Idaho.

Y'all will be pleased to know that the Idaho Legion's First Annual Annual Fireworks Display was canceled. Seems like the pyrotechnics cost somewhat more this year than last and the price was out of the range of the Legion's pocketbook. The Pyrotechnical Committee met and decided to Do It Themselves.

This would have been okay except that they figured that the best way to get the biggest bang for the buck (so to speak) was to use up some of the ammo the various members have squirreled away. 17,500 rounds of tracer ammo for Bodaddy's quad-fifties would have been nice, assuming that the bullets landed in the hills and not in the towns, and surprisingly the cops approved IF the T&E mechanism was locked. The fire department also approved the use of fougasse as long as it wasn't in a dry area. Various aerial bursts and flares were also approved.

But it was not to be. Crazy Parsifal scotched the whole show when he decided that what was needed for a GREAT finale was twin napalm/white phosphorous runs along the crests of the hills bordering the town forming a giant "V" for "Victory Over England." The runs would be made by the four F4Fs Crazy keeps at the aerodrome and would be piloted by him and his semi-sober buddies.

At this point the US Forest Service, the Shoshone-Bannock Tribal Council, the City Councils, the mayors of both towns, the Idaho National Guard, and several types of cops put their collective feet down and the show has been canceled. The BATF is also looking into the homes and outbuildings of several Legionnaires and Legionnettes.

Ah well. Back to the usual fountains and things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jul 08 - 11:17 PM

The only thing that happens is that the ball changes color if you successfully click on it. Gluon's able to click on the ball every time and still find time to hump Rapire's leg between tosses. He's fast.

Speaking of Gluon, he's half duck and half dog, right? And ducks molt while dogs shed, right? So which one does Gluon do?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jul 08 - 12:18 AM

Which half is the duck part?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 08 - 12:53 AM

Gluon does neither. His/her epidermal covering is both matter and anti-matter and destroys itself when it touches. Gluon gets a big bang out of shaking her/his self in company.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Jul 08 - 12:54 AM

Sort of like a traveling Fourth of July fireworks show, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jul 08 - 01:05 AM

So, it's a blue ball. I've heard of those. What color does it change to if I manage to touch it? (I hate to ask. . .)

I gave it a shot. Not much luck. It stayed blue, a different shade, is all I managed so far. That's why I ask. I think blue balls are a myth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 08 - 01:13 AM

DO not draw conclusions from a single sample, Madam



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jul 08 - 10:49 AM

The glorious Fourth is over and I still have a hole in my right leg. The two are not related or connected in any way.

We are going down to visit the Curlew National Grasslands today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jul 08 - 11:14 AM

That wasn't a conclusion, that was asking for enlightenment. Leaving a gaping opening for any of you fine fellows to charge into with innuendo at full staff.

So to speak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 08 - 11:54 AM

Happy Fifth everyone. Have a good fifth, won't you?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jul 08 - 12:34 PM

I rose before four on the morning of the FOurth, and drove down to the SHores with my kayak. In the darkness before dawn, I rolled out onto the hard-packed sands and unloaded my sea-kayak and set it up, and then found a place to park--not as easy even at five AM as you would think. THen I strolled the beaches until the first light began to make things more visible.

In the dark along the beachfront, there was clump after clump to be found of families who had crept out of bed even earlier than I had, or who had camped on the beach the night before, staking out the space they required for their family day on the sand. They had small fires burning merrily in the firepits, they had stakes, awnings, tents, or just seaweed dragged into rectangles, to mark where their turf on the beach would be when the crowds flooded in and packed the whole place.

When the sky lightened I went back to my kayak and launched on a northwest track, heading out toward the kelp beds. Once you pass the surf-line, a calm overcomes you--the water at this hour is flat and still except for the slow rhythm of the incoming tidal waters, which rise and fall gently until they reach the shallows where they curl and break in small rollers.

Heading further out, you arrive over the deep chasm of the La Jolla Trench, where the bottom at thirty feet changes suddenly from an undulating sandbox floor to a canyon, tumbling down to several hundred feet deep in the space of perhaps a half-mile. There are bouys at the surface that mark the boundaries of an Ecological Preserve, forbidden to spear-guns or lobster traps. I paddled out to the furthest buoy which i perhaps a mile from shore, and bobbed up against it, and watched the sun on the waters. I heard the splashing of the fingerlings breaking the surface, and watched a cormorant decide on breakfast and plummet down from the air into the water to catch it. A splash to my starboard side caught my attention--a whirling spiral in the water about thirty yards off. A moment later, the author--a large harbor seal -- breached right alongside, rose up and examined me with a beady eye, and slipped below the dark water again.

Then the fog moved in. The view of the distant beach, shadowy, punctuated with glimmering campfires, disappeared. The view of the horizon west vanished in a wall of mist. I found in the space of a few minutes that I could not see more than thirty yards in any direction. As I paddled away from the bouy, I realized I had no orientation points--I could not tell if I was leaving that lone spar behind me to the south or the east or the west or the north. Only the mist. I took bearings from the set of the sea, and moved through the fog without seeing. The distant sound of the surf was hard to pinpoint in the fog, the sound diffuse and reflected so its direction was hard to make out.

Paddling through that mist was like an adventure in the Twilight Zone, or some metaphysical adventure through the boundaries of one's own limitations. The bouy vanished, and the sounds were muted, and I paddled--left, right, left right, rest.

It turned out well, of course. The sound of the surf clarified as the fog began to thin somewhat, and then I heard a human shriek from one of the campers, and any uncertainty about where I was lessened. The dark outline of Mount Soledad, haloed by fog with sunlight bouncing around in it, slowly appeared, and as I steered for it, the fog lessened further until I could see the beach again and make my way slowly back toward it.

I came back into the grip of civilization, riding a slow, low breaker into the shallows, and drew my little ayak up the sands, and went and got the car.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jul 08 - 05:47 PM

Brought the place to a halt with that story. Will you write the screenplay, and get millions selling it to Hollywood? Of course, by the time they finish the film the freeways will be ablaze and there will be ancient dinos in the water, but that's a small price to pay to bring a great story to the screen.


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