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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 25 Aug 09 - 11:33 AM
Amos 25 Aug 09 - 09:53 AM
Rapparee 25 Aug 09 - 08:55 AM
Little Hawk 25 Aug 09 - 12:27 AM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 09:17 PM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 09:13 PM
Janie 24 Aug 09 - 08:32 PM
gnu 24 Aug 09 - 08:25 PM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM
Janie 24 Aug 09 - 06:59 PM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 09 - 06:34 PM
Janie 24 Aug 09 - 05:48 PM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 05:07 PM
Acme 24 Aug 09 - 04:39 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 04:27 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 03:14 PM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 01:48 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 01:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Aug 09 - 12:42 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 11:55 AM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 11:38 AM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 10:59 AM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 09:03 AM
Janie 24 Aug 09 - 07:14 AM
Acme 23 Aug 09 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 09 - 09:46 PM
Acme 23 Aug 09 - 06:36 PM
Janie 23 Aug 09 - 04:31 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 09 - 12:17 PM
Acme 23 Aug 09 - 10:19 AM
Acme 23 Aug 09 - 01:07 AM
Janie 22 Aug 09 - 11:54 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 09 - 09:52 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 09 - 03:34 PM
Amos 22 Aug 09 - 02:43 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 09 - 01:42 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 09 - 01:32 PM
gnu 22 Aug 09 - 01:04 PM
Amos 22 Aug 09 - 11:18 AM
Rapparee 22 Aug 09 - 11:16 AM
Amos 22 Aug 09 - 11:12 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Aug 09 - 10:48 AM
Janie 21 Aug 09 - 11:52 PM
Amos 21 Aug 09 - 11:39 PM
Janie 21 Aug 09 - 11:33 PM
Amos 21 Aug 09 - 11:26 PM
Janie 21 Aug 09 - 10:57 PM
Amos 21 Aug 09 - 10:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Aug 09 - 10:46 PM
Amos 21 Aug 09 - 10:24 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 11:33 AM

An Ode to Lethargy

Boredom, tedium, and ennui
Cannot compare with lethargy.
A pot of coffee cannot chase it.
Antidepressants can't erase it.
The only cure for this condition
is to say "Screw it!" and go fishin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 09:53 AM

Little Hawk was a dude from the border
With multiple ego disorder.
He'd walk into some dive
ANd walk out alive
'Cuz he couldn't agree what to order.


Seriously, LH, don't you think it is disrespectful to steal other people's violent fantasies and then stick them onto your friends?

I do.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 08:55 AM

Will this cause multiple personality disorder? I dunno if we can take more than one of him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 12:27 AM

Just lie down on the table here, Amos. There. Nice and comfy?    (Click!)(Clank!) (the sound of the manacles being secured)

Now we will start the pendulum. Ka-chink!

Creakkkk...........Creakkkk..........Creakkkk............

In a few hours, Amos, you will discover what it is like to live in two realities at once, a bifurcated existence...try to enjoy watching the pendulum's hynotic motion as the blade ever so sloooooowly descends toward your solar plexus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 09:17 PM

There's a double knife switch next to that nice chair with the arm and leg straps and the hat attached.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 09:13 PM

Made ya nervous? NEver mind--just tell them I said it was okay, Hey, where's the light switch down here???


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 08:32 PM

Amos - CELLAR!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 08:25 PM

Butterscotch ripple. Cdn$1.50 per litre.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM

Wait--wasn't that the company you used to run those Revolutionary War-era muskets down to Mexico with? I vaguely remember some kind of deal...


No, no, just kidding, honest!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 06:59 PM

Hi MOM. The IRS has just notified me they are imposing a penality for my failure to provide 1099-misc to some trucking company in PA for 2007.

What were you up to then, MOM, and how did you get my SSN?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 06:34 PM

And then I'm going to tell them that I'm asking on your behalf, Rapaire....and give them your name and address. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 05:48 PM

"Mommy, look at that man waddling down the sidewalk. He looks funny in those clothes!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 05:07 PM

I think Rapaire has been boning up on Tangential Approximations of Intersecting Irrelevance, and taking a minor in "The Use of Protective Outerwear as a Means of Contraception".



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 04:39 PM

You've been passing around something since I was here last. I seem to have missed my turn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 04:27 PM

LH is going to ask every American Indian he meets whether or not he (the Indian) has cut off his dick.

LH feels that this is scientific research that needs to be done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 03:14 PM

"I am wearing my black suit, white shirt, dark blue tie, and bowler," I replied. "Black socks, and my black wingtip shoes. My umbrella is tightly wrapped, and I have my briefcase."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 01:48 PM

To which the duck replied, "Kayak! Kayak!".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 01:20 PM

"Hmmm," she mused, "I can paddle. Canoe?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 12:42 PM

"On second thought," she mused, "if it's deep enough to require either hip boots or waders, I'd rather have a canoe."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 11:55 AM

"Maybe hip boots would be better. Or even waders," she continued.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 11:38 AM

"One of my childhood memories is of placing a chicken egg in a goose nest when I was about 10 (my young scientist phase). That mother goose was thrilled when her eggs hatched, and maternal love is such that she never seemed to notice that one of her babies was a neckless midget.

As for the chick, she never doubted her goosiness. At night, our chickens would roost high up in the barn, while the geese would sleep on the floor, with their heads tucked under their wings. This chick slept with the goslings, and she tried mightily to stretch her neck under her wing. No doubt she had a permanent crick in her neck.

Then the fateful day came when the mother goose took her brood to the water for the first time. She jumped in, and the goslings leaped in after her. The chick stood on the bank, aghast.

For the next few days, mother and daughter tried to reason it out, each deeply upset by the other's intransigence. After several days of barnyard trauma, the chick underwent an identity crisis, nature triumphed over nurture, and she redefined herself as a hen.

She moved across the barn to hang out with the chickens. At first she still slept goose-like, and visited her "mother" and fellow goslings each day, but within two months she no longer even acknowledged her stepmother and stepsiblings and behaved just like other chickens.

Recollections like that make me wistful for a healthy rural America composed of diverse family farms, which also offer decent and varied lives for the animals themselves (at least when farm boys aren't conducting "scientific" experiments). In contrast, a modern industrialized operation is a different world: more than 100,000 hens in cages, their beaks removed, without a rooster, without geese or other animals, spewing out pollution and ending up as so-called food ? a calorie factory, without any soul. "

(From Nicholas Kristof's column in the ?NYT).

I thought that story was just beautiful.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 10:59 AM

"Inconceivable," he replied.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 09:03 AM

"Wear your rubbers," she said.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 07:14 AM

Ice is good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 09 - 10:31 PM

Something's afoot with Rapaire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 09 - 09:46 PM

Galoushes. Five-buckle boots.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 09 - 06:36 PM

Careful with the wine or you could get a little careless and really mess up that knee!

I have a smallish stack of books I've accumulated this month to read. Haven't started any, but I need to. And two on order from Amazon.

MOM likes recorded books. I think I heard her playing an old Mickey Spillane novel when she was working around the kitchen one evening last week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Aug 09 - 04:31 PM

I need some TLC, MOM. Yesterday afternoon some tiny little moving part in my knee took a notion to zig instead of zag. It hurt, but my knees often do. Woke up this morning with it swollen and very reluctant to bend. So instead of being out and about and enjoying this beautifully temperate day, I'm on the couch with an ice pack.

But that's not so bad as I have two new books to read, and am putting a serious dent in one of them.

Now, MOM, would you bring me a bite to eat and a glass of wine?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 09 - 12:17 PM

AND run out of town on a rail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 09 - 10:19 AM

What is it with all of these Internet ads that say "Mom Lost 47 pounds" "Crowley Mom does this or that" etc. Targeted (I don't live in Crowley, but it is nearby). Do they think that Moms can't be big fools like everyone else when it comes to advertising? Now, if they said "MOM Moab" did anything I'd see they were tarred and feathered.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 09 - 01:07 AM

Sorry I was away for so long today, MOM. We did a birthday lunch for Moonglow and me ("21 and Over-21") and then I decided to treat myself to the Harry Potter movie (Good!). I walked in the door to a ringing phone--Moonglow called to tell me that her Dad, who was supposed to pick up her brother at 9:30, had locked himself out of his car AND his house. I went to go get my son (who was at a mall on a Saturday night after hours) and deliver him to his father. Unlocked his door and they will resume their weekend.

MOM wouldn't have made this mistake.

Oh, and it's a dirty rotten lie, about the Depends. Mom is NOT incontinent. Someone was listening to a Revolutionary War documentary and heard about the Continental Army and misunderstood what they were hearing. It wasn't me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 11:54 PM

Good night, and Good Luck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 09:52 PM

Oh, well said, Amos! I bow to your greater knowledge in these matters.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 03:34 PM

So...I apologize correcting you on a simply typo. But I'm still not sure I want to trust your directions.

"Just sail 92 degrees true and...oops, I meant 90 degrees. Sorry about that, but the navy has to practice gunnery somewhere."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 02:43 PM

LH, I urge you to be circumspect in your apprenticeship to oratorical pomposity and theatrical rhetorical mastery. Part of the art is to understate your own enjoyment in relishing the gestures, to use them with grace and gravitas, thus adding to their irresistible burden of dark power and ineluctable verity.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 01:42 PM

And it's even more fun if you make a fist with one hand and pound the desk as you utter the words. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 01:32 PM

Fie! Bosh! Balderdash! Stuff and nonsense! Horse feathers! Bunk! Rubbish!

Such fun it is to use those expressions. ;-) Very stress-relieving.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 01:04 PM

I do north.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 11:18 AM

Sir, fie on you or trying to make capital out of a simple typo. I assure you, I know the two apart as clearly as I know the difference between your upper and lower ends, easy though it may be to confuse them.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 11:16 AM

Well it's no WONDER Amos spent all those years marooned on a desert island. He doesn't know his SSE from his SSW.

Ah, Amos ol' buddy boy -- don't get out of the sight of land, okay? Maybe you should tie a really long rope to the kayak and the bumper of your car, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 11:12 AM

Well, it ran a bit faster northerly than I had expected. But never mind--it's an experimental app, not like BWL's which is obviously Federally approved.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 10:48 AM

Hi, Mom! I just downloaded a hyperspatial temperature sensor app for my iPhone! It's really cool! I pointed it at Albebaran last night and, ten seconds later, it told me that the star's surface temperature is 3,050° Kelvin. The app uses hyperspatial wormholes to bypass that old 671,000,000 MPH speed limit imposed by the Relativity Police. Otherwise, I'd have had to wait 130 years for the results to come back.

I showed it to Gluon, but he wasn't impressed. I believe his comment translated to, "Big deal. I could have done it in half the time."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 21 Aug 09 - 11:52 PM

Please forgive me kind sirrah. In my impatience, I missed your post with the specifics, and have just now realized how I may have maligned the reputation of you and your device.

I'm contenplating, though not very seriously, a run down to the coast late tomorrow afternoon to observe the power of wind on water on barrier island when the winds themselves do not caress the barrier islands, but rather, send the sea in their stead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 09 - 11:39 PM

I bet its pretty close. LEt me know at 1130 tomorrow.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 21 Aug 09 - 11:33 PM

Ah, Amos, I always BLEEVE YU.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 09 - 11:26 PM

I meant SSE, sorry. Don't you BLEEVE meee?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 21 Aug 09 - 10:57 PM

The answer to my question, I guess, is no, your gizmo can not tell me that.


That's ok, you and your gizmo are good people anyways.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 09 - 10:55 PM

Janie:

It will be 173 miles SSW of the Wrightsville Beach, plus or minus thirty-two miles.


Amos


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Aug 09 - 10:46 PM

Sonar range-finding does not work in a vacuum....

Yeah, that's what I expected you'd say. It's so typical of you engineer types.   Always obsessing over details like laws of physics and such.

But that's okay. If it were possible to send a sound pulse to Rigel, it would take roughly 1,351,250,380 years for it to get there and back. I don't have the time to wait.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 09 - 10:24 PM

Rapaire:

Yeah, but will it make phone calls, play music, and look up words?? Call up Google Maps and Wikipedia pages on any subject? Play games and send email?

Bruce: Sonar range-finding does not work in a vacuum, I imagine you can figger why. But just to satisfy your insatiable curiousity, Rigel, which is in Orion, is 237.00176 parsecs away, or 773 light years or 4,503,033,440,000,000 (about 4.503,033x1015 miles..

Rigel, for your information, has a diameter of about 100 million kilometres, some seventy times that of the Sun. It has too distant companions which form a blue double-star.

Be well, and don't get too close to any blue super-giants.


A


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