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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 25 Jun 09 - 01:54 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 09 - 01:41 PM
Acme 25 Jun 09 - 01:16 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 09 - 01:09 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Jun 09 - 12:43 PM
Amos 25 Jun 09 - 12:07 PM
Rapparee 25 Jun 09 - 11:11 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Jun 09 - 10:22 AM
Jeri 25 Jun 09 - 09:18 AM
Amos 25 Jun 09 - 09:06 AM
Rapparee 25 Jun 09 - 08:57 AM
Bobert 25 Jun 09 - 07:18 AM
Acme 25 Jun 09 - 12:36 AM
Amos 24 Jun 09 - 11:06 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 10:40 PM
Janie 24 Jun 09 - 10:37 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 10:35 PM
Jeri 24 Jun 09 - 10:29 PM
Janie 24 Jun 09 - 10:28 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jun 09 - 10:17 PM
Jeri 24 Jun 09 - 10:11 PM
GUEST,Penelope Rutledge 24 Jun 09 - 10:06 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 10:05 PM
GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press 24 Jun 09 - 10:05 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM
Jeri 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 24 Jun 09 - 10:02 PM
GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll 24 Jun 09 - 10:02 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 10:01 PM
GUEST,Penelope Rutledge 24 Jun 09 - 10:00 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 24 Jun 09 - 09:59 PM
GUEST,Chong Chimp 24 Jun 09 - 09:59 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 09:58 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 09:58 PM
Little Hawk 24 Jun 09 - 09:55 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 09:54 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 24 Jun 09 - 09:51 PM
Rapparee 24 Jun 09 - 09:49 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 24 Jun 09 - 09:48 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 24 Jun 09 - 09:45 PM
GUEST,Freddy the White Rat 24 Jun 09 - 09:45 PM
Peace 24 Jun 09 - 09:44 PM
Peace 24 Jun 09 - 09:43 PM
GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones 24 Jun 09 - 09:42 PM
GUEST,Colonel-General Helena Smyte-Withers 24 Jun 09 - 09:40 PM
GUEST,Sheela N. Gig 24 Jun 09 - 09:33 PM
GUEST,Connie Purcell 24 Jun 09 - 09:29 PM
Janie 24 Jun 09 - 09:11 PM
GUEST,Wilfred's Mum 24 Jun 09 - 09:07 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 01:54 PM

So now, not being satisfied with AK47s, RPGs, sabres, bowie knives, battle axes, hand grenades, catapaults, and Agent Orange, Rapaire is promoting the stomping of puppies, using cleats.

This is very deeply sad and somehow wrong.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 01:41 PM

Well, I guess stomping on a dog while wearing cleats would have tendency to break it of bad habits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 01:16 PM

I need to get some of those bamboo blinds to hang on my patio cover to shade my glass back door. I'll be sure to arrange the cords so my dogs don't hang themselves with them. You know those old fashioned cleats? That should do the trick.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 01:09 PM

On my first day of second grade we tied all of the strings used to pull down the window shades into little nooses. The good nun was NOT amused.
But that's where and when I learned to tie a hangman's knot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 12:43 PM

I just snagged this warning label from some cheap faux-bamboo roll-up shades we were cuttin' up to cover the shelves in our pettery booth:


WARNING
Young children can strangle
in the loop of pull cords, chain and bead
cords, and cords that run through
window coverings. They can also wrap
cords around their necks.



I'm impressed! I was nowhere near smart enough to do all that shit when I was a kid! We used to play in sprinklers with plastic bags over our heads and couldn't even suffocate ourselves!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 12:07 PM

Topeka, KS -- A grass-roots revolution sweeping the Internet through social network sites such as Twitter, Facebook, and Google Earth, is challenging the very fabric of conventional social processes. At issue is the charge, forwarded by middle-aged overweight white men, that there was impropriety in the recent "Thirty K" Race in MOAB country. Insteadof yielding some dull judiciary procedure, the charges have sparked off an outrage that runs deep int he fabric of society. Millions of ex-Obama supporters have turned their passions toward the defense of the woman who won the race, the so-called "Queen of Thirty K", and have swamped the Internet with angry Tweets, posts, email chains and Google mashupsin defense of her title.

Rapaire, arms and the man will prove no defense against this overwhelming sea-change. Your white-guy-rules era is coming to an end. Call off your judges before they are roped into the tumbrils.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 11:11 AM

Washington (AP): Evidence released this morning by the Justice Department proves conclusively that the 'Race To 30K' was fixed, according to a knowledgeable source in the White House. Sheela N. Gig, spokeswoman for the Inspector General's Office in the Justice Department, said that the Department 'has no comment' on the matter, as investigations are 'pending all over the place here.'

A Grand Jury, empaneled earlier to oversee the Race, is expected to hand down indictments today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 10:22 AM

So th' race to Thirty K wuz runned,
An' th' MOABites wuz shocked an' stunned!
T' say th' horse whut won wuz dark
Does understate an' miss th' mark.
Th' horse whut blasted from that stall
Wuz really not a horse at all!
Th' winning mount, rode by Ms Jeri,
I swan! It were a Dromedary!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 09:18 AM

Sure, accuse me of bribery because you won't admit I'm just good.
Ok, not 'good', but a little sneaky. I'll have to find some shin guards before 40,000 though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 09:06 AM

I HATE it when the servers take bribes. Good help is SO hard to find any more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 08:57 AM

Evidence shows that Jeri bribed the servers. An investigation will get underway as soon as Congress reconvenes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 07:18 AM

That's it, I quit... Fir now...

Be back for 4-Oh...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jun 09 - 12:36 AM

I'd like dibs on 40,000. Remember that, all of you. And Jeri, I'll kick you under the table if you try to grab it. MOM won't see. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 11:06 PM

Well, Jer, that was a fell swoop, indeed. I had a could twenty verses to go, and a stunning denouement, and this lot of larks couldn't even hold their breath long enough to let it happen. NEver mind, ya done good, and nabbed the Brass Ring of Thirty Kay. All hail, Queen of the Thirty K!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:40 PM

May your children all be competent, and may their co-workers always ask them when assistance is needed.

I am humble, a veritable font of humility -- and I'm damned proud of it, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:37 PM

May you awake from your surgery and find yourself suddenly possessed with humility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:35 PM

I thought it quite polite of me to let someone else have it, seeing as how I snagged not one, but two palindromes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:29 PM

A nice single malt would be good. For now, I go back to lurk mode.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:28 PM

So, like, there I was, engrossed in an old National Geographic show on Hulu about this guy Lincoln finally summitting Mt. Everest then being left for dead on the descent only to revive himself courtesy of a practice of Buddhist meditation.

I was absolutely and naively certain no one would ascend to 30,000 on the MOAB Mountain without me.

The show ends with the hero duly resurrected, if somewhat permanently brain damaged, and what do I find? I've been left to freeze in a snow drift in the deadzone of MOAB, oxygen gone, faint breath, hallucinating from the brain edema and lack of oxygen, as obsessed climbers, intent on their own glory, march on, stepping heedlessly over my prostrate body in the middle of the path.

Jeez, what kind of family are you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:17 PM

I can hardly believe you got it either, Jeri! LOL! It must have been down to microseconds.

As for my alternate personalities, I am fortunately not responsible for their finances, so I don't care if they all buy you a drink.

Mind you, if I had Penelope's money...or Winston's...well, I could buy you an entire brewery, no problem. Or a castle in Wales.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:11 PM

I can't believe I got it!
OK, each one of Little Hawk's personalities owes me a drink.
...then again, I LIKE my liver.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Penelope Rutledge
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:06 PM

Good. It's done with. Thank God for small favours. Now where did I put the eyeliner?

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:05 PM

As has been pointed out a few thousand posts back, the count isn't precise because of the Great Mudcat Crash a few years ago. Therefore, you can only estimate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:05 PM

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The great transformation, inaugurated by Jeri, who will one day be remembered as a saviour of humanity, has BEGUN!!!!!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM

Ya missed it, Bill.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Jeri
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM

SWOOP!
30,000

(Was trying to figure it out in Roman numerals, but couldn't manage the x's with little hats.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:03 PM

Are we there yet?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:02 PM

Whoahhhh!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:02 PM

You're all bloody well mad. Mad as hatters. Daft. Bonkers. Beyond fecking reason.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:01 PM

Mom just told me that whoever posts the 30,000th post gets to read all of MOAB from the beginning -- and there will be a test before you're allowed to go home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Penelope Rutledge
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 10:00 PM

Veronica, put a sock in it!

Winston has a point.

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:59 PM

Oops. Mispelled my name. Too many banana dacquiris.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chong Chimp
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:59 PM

But not that one. Ook!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:58 PM

And this one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:58 PM

Ladies, Gentlemen, and Undecideds:

Within the next few moments we will reach that magical number of 30,000. No one knew at the start that Mom would so prosper. Indeed, I myself felt that MOAB was but a mere flash in the pan and did not post in those giddy, heady days of the onset. But I have since learned differently, as have you all.

I shall not take the 30,000th post. I will leave it to someone else, someone less worthy that I.

I shall, however, take the 100,000th post -- dibs on it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:55 PM

Amos J. and Bearded Bruce
Live together, they have now formed a truce
Side by side on my computer keyboard, oh, lord
Why not youse?

Amos J. and Bearderd Bruce
Now agree on political abuse
They have joined in a common concord, oh lord
Why not youse?

Republicans and Democrats
Joining hands, the silly prats
No more arguments or spats...etc...

(sing to the tune of Ebony and Ivory)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:54 PM

Good Lord, girl! Don't beat about the bush so much! Say what you mean!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:51 PM

I am SOOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY at Uncle Winston! I could just explode. Oooooo....! I could burst! He's an unfeeling and cruel man. I shall disinherit him when he's old, feeble, and helpless, and leave him to die miserabley in an alleyway! Pfui! I HATE you, Uncle Winston!

* VR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:49 PM

And now
The time draws near
When I must face
My final curtain
Alas, I know not fear
But diarrhea
Of that I'm certain
My stomach growls
My heart goes thump
I open each and every byway
And more, much more than this
I did it
Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:48 PM

Bill here. I'm attempting to deal with an important business meeting, but I had to drop in for a moment just to see how you're all doing. I can't promise to be there for the big 3-0000000000000....you know. Please don't get your hopes up too high.

Well, I must be off now...

Bill


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:45 PM

Flip me. This is intense!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Freddy the White Rat
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:45 PM

Dear me. What an exciting night this is! I have been fanning Corridus, my hamster friend, because his little head was getting so hot I was afraid he might suffer a stroke. Many, many excited rodents are observing the countdown to 30,000! Or is it the countup to 30,000? Well, we are all on tenterhooks here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:44 PM

I agree with BWL and whatever he said.

POST 30,000.

Bingo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Peace
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:43 PM

What pressipuss/pressipis/pr--aw, fuck it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:42 PM

So, "Bollocksworthy"....I see they've let you out of the padded cell again? Or did you escape custody? Are the men in white coats in hot pursuit even as I write this? I do hope you're enjoying those few heady hours of freedom amongst the hoi polloi, and having fun ferreting out the "lizard men" among us. Ha! Ha! Ha! I must tell you that I and my mates gather at the Vicar's Inn every Friday night (as you probably know) and that everything stops SHARP at 2 AM when your silly "news" show comes on the Cable telly. We all sit, watch it, get drunk, and laugh ourselves into virtual insensibility! ;-D You are the funniest damn thing on late night TV. Do you know that, Hector? Last week Ponsonby actually fell off his chair and started hyperventilating after a fit of laughing over your latest feverish editorial presentation. By heaven, I thought we'd lost him! Fortunately he recovered his equilibrium after having some ice water poured over his head and being walked around outside in the fresh night air.

Hector Bollocksworthy, you are a dangerous man. You make people laugh too hard. You make them laugh so hard that they rupture themselves, suffer heart seizures, and require immediate medical assistance. It is not the lizard men who will destroy our genetic material, Bollocksworthy, it is you. You are a menace to society. If you weren't so damned funny, I'd talk to my good friends in military intelligence, and I'd have you sent to Guantanamo...but I don't. I like a good laugh on Friday nights. It quickens the blood.

Don't disappoint me next friday, Hector. I am on tenterhooks awaiting your next world-saving "revelation"....

WW-J


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Colonel-General Helena Smyte-Withers
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:40 PM

What sort of bullshit is this? You call yourselves bullshitters? You look more like calfshitters to me! You there, Amos! Put your cap on straight and pull up your pants -- you look like you're trolling for...never mind, you're from California.

Now snap to, all of you! When I say I want bullshit, I want you to ask "How much?" as you bullshit! Quality will be to MY standards or you'll find yourselves learning about the quality of bullshit from the bottom of the pile up!

Ready...BULLSHIT!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Sheela N. Gig
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:33 PM

Hello, happy people! I'm glad to see you approaching such a mystical number! Did you know that 30,000 is the exact number of casualties in
the First Battle of Magh Tuireadh? Come around and I'll tell you all about it...you can learn a lot from me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Connie Purcell
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:29 PM

I dated Wilfred Penifere once. It was stupid of me, but I had to win a bet with a friend who said I wouldn't dare do it. The five quid I won from her was not worth the experience, I can assure you. The poor wretch was so pitifully eager to please and made an utter ass of himself in a great variety of ways which I haven't the heart to recount here. It was one of the most uncomfortable evenings I have ever spent. The episode at the restaurant was tragic, and I have never returned there since. It was mortifying! Has anyone seen the Woody Allen movie where he goes with Diane Keaton and her beau to a Chinese restaurant and attempts to impress Diane's girlfriend whom they have set him up with. It was like that. But worse! You'd have to see it to believe it. There is no hope for Wilfred. None. He should give up on women entirely and become a renunciate in some godawful hermitage somewhere where they all shave their heads and engage in solitary vices better imagined than described. I must have been utterly mad to have taken that bet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:11 PM

Jeez MOM. Amos and BWL seem a bit over-wrought.

Not too much tho'.

Neither the prose or the poetry have turned purple.

At least not yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Wilfred's Mum
Date: 24 Jun 09 - 09:07 PM

His dear, deceased father and I did everything we could to make Wilfred a success and a manly man. It is not our fault that he has turned out the way he has. We gave him every advantage. We instructed him at every turn at what he needed to do differently, calling his attention to every wrong move and imperfection, providing structure and corrective discipline to nudge him along the right path to success.

it breaks my heart to acknowledge that he is a complete failure as a man, but it is absolutely through no fault of my own.

The sacrifices we made for that boy! And is he grateful? Does he appreciate one iota of it?

Absolutely not! He remains a snivelling, weak, limp dick whiner who blames his character defects on everyone else, especially me, his ever sacrificing mother.

I sometimes wonder if he got switched with another baby in the hospital nursery. In fact, I think it likely. It is simply implausibe that any biological son of the General and me could have been such a loser.


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