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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 22 May 09 - 07:59 PM
Amos 22 May 09 - 03:37 PM
Amos 22 May 09 - 10:43 AM
MMario 22 May 09 - 10:42 AM
Amos 22 May 09 - 10:29 AM
Rapparee 22 May 09 - 09:51 AM
MMario 22 May 09 - 09:46 AM
Amos 22 May 09 - 09:42 AM
MMario 22 May 09 - 09:24 AM
Amos 21 May 09 - 10:03 PM
Rapparee 21 May 09 - 10:01 PM
Little Hawk 21 May 09 - 09:44 PM
Amos 21 May 09 - 08:24 PM
Rapparee 21 May 09 - 07:04 PM
Amos 21 May 09 - 05:11 PM
Rapparee 21 May 09 - 04:50 PM
Acme 21 May 09 - 04:40 PM
Amos 21 May 09 - 04:34 PM
Amos 21 May 09 - 03:09 PM
Amos 21 May 09 - 02:26 PM
Amos 21 May 09 - 10:49 AM
Acme 21 May 09 - 10:26 AM
Amos 21 May 09 - 10:20 AM
Rapparee 21 May 09 - 09:22 AM
Amos 20 May 09 - 11:37 PM
Janie 20 May 09 - 11:29 PM
Rapparee 20 May 09 - 10:37 PM
Amos 20 May 09 - 10:10 PM
Little Hawk 20 May 09 - 09:47 PM
Rapparee 20 May 09 - 09:39 PM
Amos 20 May 09 - 03:33 PM
Rapparee 20 May 09 - 03:24 PM
Amos 20 May 09 - 02:54 PM
Amos 20 May 09 - 02:07 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 May 09 - 02:02 PM
Amos 20 May 09 - 12:53 PM
Janie 20 May 09 - 12:49 PM
Acme 20 May 09 - 12:11 PM
Amos 20 May 09 - 08:50 AM
Rapparee 20 May 09 - 08:34 AM
Acme 20 May 09 - 12:52 AM
Janie 20 May 09 - 12:24 AM
Janie 19 May 09 - 10:38 PM
Rapparee 19 May 09 - 07:45 PM
Amos 19 May 09 - 06:21 PM
Acme 19 May 09 - 04:00 PM
Donuel 19 May 09 - 03:39 PM
Amos 19 May 09 - 03:36 PM
Rapparee 19 May 09 - 03:06 PM
Amos 19 May 09 - 02:55 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 May 09 - 07:59 PM

It's the long weekend! Wheeeeeee!

Now I have to go get some work done. Isn't that always the way it is?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 09 - 03:37 PM

So heave away, my bully boys.
Away, heave away!
I think I spy that Thirty K
On the BS leeward shore!

Oh, my old man, I will confess
Away! Heave away!
He dearly loved to throw BS!
Away on the BS shore.

He said, and I believe 'tis right
Away! Heave away!
He'd sometimes BS half the night!
Away on the BS shore.

And 'twas my mother, no-one less,
Away! Heave away!
Who fell in love with his BS!
Away on the BS shore.

One night while we were on the town,
Away! Heave away!
Me father tracked that fair lass down!
Away on the BS shore.

And long before the first dawn watch,
Away! Heave away!
The future of BS was hatched!
Away on the BS shore.

The gleam that left me father's eye
Away! Heave away!
Did start BS to multiply!
Away on the BS shore.

And when the seasons came about,
Away! Heave away!
THis BS bard came skitterin' out!
Away on the BS shore.

So heave away, my bully boys.
Away, heave away!
I think I spy that Thirty K
On the BS leeward shore!


BS from the Sea--Songs and Chanties
Collected by Despie Rhetsaylor
Sea Doggerel Publications, Nantucket, 1907


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 09 - 10:43 AM

YEs--lawyers with 45s.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 May 09 - 10:42 AM

He's taking two pairs of points with him, isn't he?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 09 - 10:29 AM

Well, go ahead. See if we care. Your obsession with Grand Tetons could earn you a position of high esteem in The Temple, if only you would squarely own up to it. Or at least, roundly. You get the points.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 May 09 - 09:51 AM

I choose to go the Coulter Bay Villege, Grand Tetons National Park.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 May 09 - 09:46 AM

I am NOT about to forge a note from MOM.

Remember what happenned when Rap tried that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 May 09 - 09:42 AM

I choose roll over.

Tell my employer it is okay and Mom said so...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 May 09 - 09:24 AM

MOM!

Time to wake up!

I know you dozed off while Amos was talking; (we've all been known to do that occasionally) but the sun is shing and it's been almost 12 hours!

Time to Rise and Shine and Greet the New Day!

Or roll over and snooze some more.

One or the other.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 09 - 10:03 PM

Little Hawk:

In California it might qualify you for a bailout. Underprivileged alien and all that. At the very least it would mean they could not legally put you in a cell. I mean, it only stands to reason you can't put someone in a cell without a cell phone. It would be like waterboarding or something...

Now, this enlightened policy might not obtain in, say, Idaho. So I would suggest you not press your luck.




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 09 - 10:01 PM

Oh, my depravity!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 May 09 - 09:44 PM

I don't have a cell phone. Does this mean I could get government assistance in California for my disadvantaged circumstances, Amos? ;-) I also lack a Blackberry, an Ipod, and a flatscreen TV, and I've never owned a laptop! Furthermore, I don't even understand what's (presumably) better about "Blue Ray" videos. Oh, the deprivation!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 09 - 08:24 PM

Yeah, well, in general I am not afraid of lawyers, having tussled with a few in my day, but considering one of them is married to you, a decent respect and all that, perhaps I will just this once take your kindly advice.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 09 - 07:04 PM

Stay back, Amos. They've got law degrees and they ain't afraid to use 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 09 - 05:11 PM

Sure!! And they're both 45, and they blow their tops if you pull their little dangly bits....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 09 - 04:50 PM

Not me. I went to a budget hearing with the City Council. I did that because I'm the Library Director AND because I'm nuts.

I will be gone until Monday, starting tomorrow. We're going to the Tetons for the long weekend.

My house is guarded by the Idaho Legion, several nawlogh of Klingon warriors, and a plethora of boobytraps. I have also moved it to an alternate space-time continuum. Besides, my wife's a lawyer and our friend Mary, who is visiting, is also a lawyer. I'm packin' two lawyers and I know how ta use 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 May 09 - 04:40 PM

Geez, Amos, we all just went to work today. We always come home at the end of the day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 09 - 04:34 PM

At 29 and two-six-five
The MOAB thread was still alive.
Her pulse was weak, her visage pale,
Her smile was forced, her thoughts were stale,
Her pals had wandered here, and yon,
A threadbare muumuu had she on;
She rambled, uncomposed in mind,
And pallid were all vital signs.
But still to answer she did strive,
By God, our Mom was still alive.
And as I held her hand and prayed,
I heard her mumble, pause and say,
PRESS ON! And reach that Thirty Kay!!
And then fell back, to catch her breath,
And once more fend off looming Death,
ANd rest, and catch her breath awhile;
But through it all, a flickering smile
Made me believe I'd see the day
When Mom slid home to Thirty Kay!

Rufus Ruthful Woebegone Slantbastard Fitz-Sapiens
The Sadness of Sisyphus' Mother

Doctrine Expositions, Chicago, 1938


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 09 - 03:09 PM

Hi, Mom:

I am very frustrated today. I was finally, once and for all time, going to put an end to the huge intractable mess at the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed, by god. I was going to close it down, permanently. Spaw had no business inventing the place anyway, all his perfervid justifications notwithstanding.

But no-o-o-o, now it turns out that everyone who thought it was a great solution really meant as long as it costs them nothing, and they won't vote for the funds to do it. ALso, they are afraid to let the crackpots loose for fearthey will spray the contents of their bedpans along downtown Main Street in Saint Paul.

I think I will have to sell off all the assets of the Shatner School for Bad Acting in order to raise enough dough to fold up the NYCFTTS, but it has to be done; it is an ethical obligation of the first order.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 09 - 02:26 PM

And while we are at it, what does rope-a-dope really mean?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 09 - 10:49 AM

Why would a perp-in-a-box want to call someone he doesn't even know?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 May 09 - 10:26 AM

Earlier this week I had a couple of calls through the downtown jail system--the prisoner randomly dials and the system asks the recipient if you will accept the charges. There is a point in the recorded message where the inmate is supposed to insert their name, but this one said "please accept it is an emergency." Since I don't know anyone who is in jail, I imagine the emergency is entirely in this guy's head, and possibly his desire to try to piggyback more calls on one I would be incredibly gullible to accept. They say they've fixed that glitch, but I doubt it.

I don't think it sounded like one of the Legion Hall boys, anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 May 09 - 10:20 AM

It's a civil-rights matter--having a cell-phone is one of the natural rights of mankind, according to SoCal Constitutional law. So you can't mess with a perp's cellphone without being sued for torture...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 May 09 - 09:22 AM

You know a cop in a cell? I didn't know they allowed telephone in jail cells. But then, Southern California....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 11:37 PM

Janie:

Hell. I thought you meant a piece of plastic your ex left behind!! Never mind--I know that cop and he owes me a couple. I have his cell phone number.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 May 09 - 11:29 PM

Oooh,

Rapaire be playin' the dozens!





Jeez, Amos. Why didn't ya' tell me you had cancelled that card. Now yer gonna have to pay cash to go my bail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 09 - 10:37 PM

Hey! Momma!
Amos wants you to
Git up and do something
Cuz you an old bag
An old hag
An old rag
Raggin' on Amos
Raggin' on Janie
You jist on the rag
Alla time
Ragragragrag
Ragragrag
Quit yer raggin'
Quit yer hatin'
Playah hatin'
Alla time
Amos hatin'
Hatin'hatin'
Have a drink
Set it down.
    --Blushing Brides, Raggin an hatin
      from their Li(VI)D(II) recording,
      "Hatin and raggin" (Edison Phonograph, 2008)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 10:10 PM

Ah, Mom, Ah, Mom, you linger low
ANd low you slowly stay.
How if you slum about like this
We will see our Thirty K?

What is it draws you eye so low,
To go where no Mom should?
You are not made for such coarse realms,
But higher things, and Good.

Come Mom, away, the clock chimes six!
Put down your drink! Away!
We cannot leave you here like this
After the close of day.

You dare not walk these streets at night
After the close of day;
And we have miles and miles to reach
The Thirtieth of Kay.


Abner Little and Billy Hill
Oh, Momma, Oh, Momma
from their chart-topping tritium album,
Oh, Momma and Other Songs


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 May 09 - 09:47 PM

If ya got good foresight ya don't need hindsight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 09 - 09:39 PM

My ligaments are just about wore down, too. Been a lot of wear and tear on this ol' body, some of which was, in hindsight, quite unnecessary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 03:33 PM

THe problem with the joint is not weatherization, its wearing down of the ligaments.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 09 - 03:24 PM

This morning some of the PAMMSC went out to the range. One shot a 10X -- a bullet right through the middle of the "bullseye". Then I had to get back by 10:30 for an energy audit visit so we can get some of that stimulus money to improve the weatherization/energy efficiency of the joint.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 02:54 PM

At twenty-nine two fifty, Mom,
The wind does veer and play
ANd on its air, the golden smell
Of the coming thirty K.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 02:07 PM

Ooooo!! Ya shoulda got it for Rapaire!! He's having shoulder surgery!! And he might not know the difference...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 May 09 - 02:02 PM

Hi, Mom!

I found an artificial leg in the recyclables drop-box today. I say "found", but that doesn't mean I brought it home. It's still there, as far as I know. It was plastic, so I guess it's recyclable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:53 PM

AHa...the velleities and the palimpsest behind the virginal screen of innocence begin to come into focus.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:49 PM

That's a great idea, Stilly!

Oh, but wait - I can actually go anywhere and do anything that I want - I still have that little piece of plastic he left lying around -

New Zealand, here I come!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:11 PM

Janie, go to Amos' house. He has that new guest house up in a tree. Remember that little remodel job we did a couple of weeks ago? Might as well go try it out. And see if that San Simeon kitchen (the rustic one on 40 acres, not the Hearst Castle) is as nice as it looked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 09 - 08:50 AM

Rapaire, you have to take some responsibility here. If you hadn't been so determined to shoulder the woes and cares of the world, your shoulder would not be hurting so much. You and your shoulder need to have a heart-to-heart talk.

Janie, the cheapest vacation I know of is going to the beach with a good book.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 May 09 - 08:34 AM

Come to Idaho. We have spare potatoes. Besides, I need more folks to nurse me through my pain & suffering to come.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:52 AM

Come to Texas. :) We have spare beds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 20 May 09 - 12:24 AM

Wanted: Super-super-cheap summer vacation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 19 May 09 - 10:38 PM

Take your oxycotin like a good boy, and go to sleep.


It will all feel better after 6 months of physical therapy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 09 - 07:45 PM

Alone, all alone in my pain...oh Mom, thank you for caring and for the warm cookies and the cold milk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 06:21 PM

Hell, yes, it is. I'd rather be a snorkeller or a kayaker. But my fingers keep jumpingback to the goddamn keys...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 09 - 04:00 PM

I've been working on a new blog page, Mom. It's a lot of work, figuring it all out. Next I have to design a printed newsletter. Being a "writer" is so much more than words on a page. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 19 May 09 - 03:39 PM

I call dibbs on post # 30,000



PS July is a good month for surgury since healing goes more quicly in the summer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 03:36 PM

One thought to bring you some small comfort.   It will NOT, for once, be a pain in the ass.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 09 - 03:06 PM

The "man of books" is going to have shoulder surgery in July.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 09 - 02:55 PM

Oh, what a place for stunning looks!
The man of Emms, the man of Books,
The glowing health of Leedle Hack,
And AMos in his sea-kayak.
The curvy form (I beg your pardon)
OF Stilly, kneeling in her garden,
And, like a sylph found in your dreams,
Yon Janie, dressed to show her seams.
No need to ask what Mom is cooking,
When all her kids are so good-looking!


Winnie Snortin-Naye,
Romantic Horselaughs and Other Doggerel
Pansy-on-Wuss, 1928


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