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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 03 Apr 09 - 01:20 PM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 01:52 PM
Amos 03 Apr 09 - 04:10 PM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 04:29 PM
Acme 03 Apr 09 - 04:34 PM
Amos 03 Apr 09 - 06:14 PM
Acme 03 Apr 09 - 06:47 PM
Rapparee 03 Apr 09 - 08:35 PM
Amos 04 Apr 09 - 04:48 AM
Janie 04 Apr 09 - 09:11 AM
MMario 04 Apr 09 - 10:00 AM
Rapparee 04 Apr 09 - 11:53 AM
Amos 04 Apr 09 - 12:18 PM
Rapparee 04 Apr 09 - 12:36 PM
Amos 04 Apr 09 - 01:58 PM
Janie 04 Apr 09 - 03:03 PM
Rapparee 04 Apr 09 - 05:13 PM
Amos 04 Apr 09 - 11:35 PM
Rapparee 05 Apr 09 - 08:13 AM
Acme 05 Apr 09 - 10:17 AM
Amos 05 Apr 09 - 10:32 AM
Amos 05 Apr 09 - 06:16 PM
Rapparee 05 Apr 09 - 08:17 PM
Acme 05 Apr 09 - 08:28 PM
Amos 05 Apr 09 - 10:20 PM
Janie 05 Apr 09 - 10:49 PM
Acme 05 Apr 09 - 11:32 PM
Rapparee 06 Apr 09 - 08:10 AM
Amos 06 Apr 09 - 10:23 AM
Amos 06 Apr 09 - 12:27 PM
Rapparee 06 Apr 09 - 02:57 PM
Amos 06 Apr 09 - 03:45 PM
Amos 06 Apr 09 - 05:33 PM
Rapparee 06 Apr 09 - 07:11 PM
Amos 06 Apr 09 - 07:52 PM
Janie 06 Apr 09 - 08:08 PM
Rapparee 06 Apr 09 - 10:03 PM
Amos 06 Apr 09 - 10:23 PM
Amos 06 Apr 09 - 10:50 PM
Acme 06 Apr 09 - 11:28 PM
Amos 07 Apr 09 - 12:42 AM
Janie 07 Apr 09 - 12:46 AM
Amos 07 Apr 09 - 07:56 AM
Rapparee 07 Apr 09 - 08:52 AM
Amos 07 Apr 09 - 08:55 AM
Amos 07 Apr 09 - 09:40 AM
Rapparee 07 Apr 09 - 10:04 AM
Amos 07 Apr 09 - 10:55 AM
Rapparee 07 Apr 09 - 03:23 PM
Little Hawk 07 Apr 09 - 04:13 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 01:20 PM

I'm always free for dinner. I think ifsoeoneis going tot he trouble of making you dinner or buying you dinner, it is just poor form to charge them for your company.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 01:52 PM

Stilly and I are having dinner in Dallas -- wanna join us?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:10 PM

Sure. As I said, I am free. But I don't pay my own transport.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:29 PM

Well of course not! That would be silly, paying yourself to fly in your private jet (all Socalists have private jets).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 04:34 PM

It should be a lot of fun. Fingers crossed no tornadoes blow through to dampen the occasion

Pssss. Amos. Can I take this guy out in public to eat, or do I need to find a place where he won't set off the metal detectors and they have a cloak room with a rack for sabres?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 06:14 PM

Be sure and find one of those "carve your own roastbeef" buffets for the occasion...


It promises to be a sabery dining experience.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 06:47 PM

Of course! That makes perfect sense! The Mongolian Grill is very popular down here. We'll just let him go out back and slice up the beef in the meat locker, no need to wait for it to arrive chopped up at the counter where you choose your ingredients.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 09 - 08:35 PM

I'm a Vegan, brought here by a starship from Vega.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 04:48 AM

IN that case, you should go to Las VEgas for dinner.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 09:11 AM

Wake Up!

Gorgeous day. You sit here in the morning sun, Mom, and drink your tea.

Off to see clients then to work on taxes and the yard, then to watch basketball.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 10:00 AM

yes, it's a beuatiful upstate nY dpring day here as well; Grey clouds, drizzle, cold rain falling and brown squelchy stuff on the ground surface where snow used to be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 11:53 AM

Gotta git packed! Big doin's! Gonna FLY tomorrow!

Amos, do you mean Las VEgas, New Mexico?

Had another coyote in the backyard this morning -- it jumped the fence and tore off across the golf course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 12:18 PM

Wave your saber thingy at it the next time. It will freeze its very blood!!

Yes, of course I mean Las Vegas, New Mexico, a charming town I almost bought a house in once.

IT is where las Vegans all go to retire.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 12:36 PM

Oh, good! They're SOOOOOOOOOOOO tasty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 01:58 PM

Big doin's???

So the mail-order pharmaceuticals have workd????



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 03:03 PM

Prayin' for you, Stilly....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 05:13 PM

The last time I was in Dallas was to see Notre Dame play Texas A&M in the Cotton Bowl.

Come to think of it, that's the ONLY time I've been in Dallas (except once to change planes).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 09 - 11:35 PM

When that Cotton Bowl gets rotten
All the customers get forgotten
In that old Cotton Field back home...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 08:13 AM

Dear Mom,

In a little while we'll get in the boats and head for shore. We know it's going to be hell on the beach, but the navy has done a pretty good job of softening it up and we hope that most of the enemy resistance has been blown all to heck. Of course, we know that won't have happened, but we also know that Our Cause is Just and that we WILL win for you and all of the folks who are doing so much in the airplane plants, the ammunition plants, the shipyards, and farms to give us the stuff we need for Victory.

But if you don't hear from me again, remember that my last thoughts were of you, of our little home on the farm, of your apple pie, and of the little brown church in the dell. And if you see her, please tell Mary Lou that my last thoughts were of her and of the sweet kiss on the cheek she gave me when I left. I haven't washed or shaved that spot since, and I don't care what the sergeant or the other guys say or the names they call me. Some things are sacred.

There's the bell, Mom. Well, my rifle is clean and oiled, my bayonet is sharpened, and I have the old family brass knuckles in my pocket. I also have that little bible in my shirt pocket because it always stops enemy bullets there. Got to load into the boat now.

Take care.

Your fave rave son,
R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 10:17 AM

It's a pretty day in North Texas, though we had a "cold front" come through overnight. Still, it'll probably be warmer than Pocotello.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 10:32 AM

Seems to me ole Rap needs to come to terms with his last lifetime.

Enjoy your dinner, Stilly. He's going to want to talk about me, I just know. So please take notes.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 06:16 PM

We went out to Lakeside, a sleepy town hovering in the vicinity of 1935, for a dose of quainitude which we found in full, a place that still has a Rexall. THere's a theater in the Old Town area that would make a bodfo coffeeshop/folkhouose, but I am not sure the area is ready for gentirefication.


Mom git up!! Lazy ole thang!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 08:17 PM

I made it, Mom! The boat was mortared as we came in a couple of guys were hurt, but I made it. I hope you get this. We're pinned down on at a sea wall; lost a lot of good men getting up the beach. We're going to have to Do Something before the tide comes in. I lost my rifle in the surf (went head over heels) but I picked up a flamethrower so I guess it all comes out even.

Well, there's the whistle. We're going over the top. Tell Annabelle my last thoughts were of her and her sweet, tender kiss.

R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 08:28 PM

Sorry it isn't warmer for the battle. But tomorrow is another day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 10:20 PM

This confirms Rapaire is in a revivification of a past life: nobody mortars boats anymore since it has been proven scientifically that it makes them sticky and hard to steer.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 10:49 PM

I have confidence that Maggie can disarm him....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Apr 09 - 11:32 PM

I hope so. But just in case, I'll ask at work to see if there is a secret librarian's handshake.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 08:10 AM

There is. Melvil Dewey and John Cotton Dana created during a "meeting" with Kate Sanborn in in 1881. To insure secrecy they never told anyone else or wrote it down or even used it themselves, but legend says that there are photos in the "Extremely Salacious and Obscene" section of the Vatican Library. So yes, it exists, but nobody can show it to you.

The most commonly used secret greeting is "Want a beer or something stronger?" The secret response is "You buyin'?"

The most common secret question is "So, did they leave any money in your budget?" The secret response is "SHEEEEEEEEEE-IT! Are you kiddin'?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 10:23 AM

IfF you have not gone to the theater and watched SLum Dog Millionaire may I recommend heartily that you so do? As flawed as it is it is a beautiful movie.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 12:27 PM

Well, Still, be sure to have those memorized when you walk into the restaurant so he doesn't get all excited and pull his saber out and waggle it at you...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 02:57 PM

Amos, Amos, Amos. This is a library conference. We don't have sabers here.


























Bolos, Bowie knives, stilettos, dirks, Arkansas toothpicks, rondels, saxes, krisses, smatchets, Ka-bars, Fairbairn-Sykes, Fairbairn-Applegate...yes. But no sabers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 03:45 PM

Dear God, now he's being his past life as Peter Roget, British 19th century physician... Gawd save us if he regresses to Harvey, or worse, Galen of Pergamum...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 05:33 PM

h, yes. The inventory of lethal adversarial worldviews. Applegate's book "Kill or Get Killed" (FMFRP 12-80) is available as a 17.5MB PDF download on various sites. Sigh.

He's five foot-two, and he's six feet-four,
He fights with missiles and with spears.
He's all of thirty-one, and he's only seventeen,
Been a soldier for a thousand years.

He'a a Catholic, a Hindu, an Atheist, a Jain,
A Buddhist and a Baptist and a Jew.
And he knows he shouldn't kill,
And he knows he always will,
Kill you for me my friend and me for you.

And he's fighting for Canada,
He's fighting for France,
He's fighting for the USA,
And he's fighting for the Russians,
And he's fighting for Japan,
And he thinks we'll put an end to war this way.

And he's fighting for Democracy,
He's fighting for the Reds,
He says it's for the peace of all.
He's the one who must decide,
Who's to live and who's to die,
And he never sees the writing on the wall.


Don't mind me. I'm probably a latent pinko commie hippie faggot bastard, you know... ;>)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 07:11 PM

Yes, it's just as good as Fairbairn & Sykes on shooting, hand-to-hand combat, and knifework.

...All in my deperation
I stabbed him in his breast.
I killed a man for Flora
The Lily Of The West.


...Sergeant there is something that I haven't mastered yet.
I haven't got the hang of how to use the bayonet.
If he doesn't die at once, am I to stick him with it more?
Oh, I hope you will be patient for I've never killed before.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 07:52 PM

Subject: RE: BS: What's Wrong With the BS???
From: Amos - PM
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 07:42 PM

It was decreed in days of yore,
When chaos reigned the lowlands o'er
And many a good post ended dead
That all BS go in one thread.

This bold decree, both brave and new
Was offered up by King Khandu
And this wise gem that Khandu offered
Was seized upon by Lord Joe Offer.

"I worship at your feet, Khandu!"
Joe Offer said. And thus we knew,
The Mudcat Clique had answered "Yes"
And blessed the Mom of All BS.

So since that day, when BS lags,
And fiery threads all seem to sag,
Abandon them, and every other!
And find your solace in our Mother!!

For men may sing and men may sin,
Fads will go out, and new come in,
Posters will err, and ne'er confess,
But in the world of True BS

Nothing more sacred ye will find
Nor trove a purer BS line,
Quality finer than spun Gold
Is the BS our Mother holds.

Turn ye from lesser threads away.
Come to the house of Mom to play!
There you well welcome be, and view
Only BS that's round, and true!

Full deep, full rich, and fully packed
Lacking no hue, nor hewing no lack!
All you need do is whisper, "Yes!"
Come home to the Mom of All BS.


Tournville Plein des Pētes Mauvaises
Chansons de Ma Mere Vraie
Paris, 1949


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 08:08 PM

I tip my hat to you, sir. You've outdone even yourself!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 10:03 PM

By G-d, now he's stealing from himself!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 10:23 PM

As a veteran plagiriast, sirrah, you should have learned the difference between quoting and stealing. Credit goes where credit 'tis due. Pffffft.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 10:50 PM

Does Mrs. Rapaire know about Mary Lou? About Annabelle? Do they know about each other? Are you sure you want to have dinner with this man? He might be a cad.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Apr 09 - 11:28 PM

I printed out the train schedule. I'll probably ride over and back, save the nonsense of driving in Dallas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 12:42 AM

Well, be sure and face him with those burning questions. Can't let him tapdance his way out of it, now...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 12:46 AM

It might be prudent to carry a hanky soaked in chloroform in a ziplock bag, just in case you have to subdue him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 07:56 AM

Well, he probably carries one of the gas masks left over from Verdun, ya know, just in case that llifetime springs to the fore...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 08:52 AM

I've gotten through the first day, Mom. They shelled us pretty heavy but so far I've gotten by okay. Oh, I got a little scratch from a thorn bush but it was nothing. Didn't even bleed. But I'm afraid casualties will be heavy before all of this is done.

I got into a little tussle with three of the enemy around 1400 but I came away victorious; they ran away like the whipped curs they are. And last night they tried a human wave attack, but I beat them back with two empty beer bottles. I holed up and got some sleep in spite of the constant shelling and even the occasional gas attack.

Chow will be here soon, I hope, or maybe I'll just eat some rations. Anyway, today I'm going back into the fray. And I'm doing this for YOU, Mom, and for the kids down the road, and for all that is good and pure and true. And especially for Beth Ann -- I still treasure that pure and simple kiss she placed on my check before I left home to Do My Duty.

Mom, if for some reason I don't make it, Amos can have my collection of cigar butts. He's always wanted them.

The Light Of Your Life,
Your Son,
R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 08:55 AM

Someone needs to tell Stilly about Beth Ann before the interrogation starts...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 09:40 AM

Now 28 and five I claim,
In noble MOAB's honored name
And if we post five hundred more,
Than 29 of K we score!!
Lord, won't that be a mighty day?
To claim the 29 of K?
The bells will ring, the children shout,
And doubters all will be run out.
Another K, would suit our ends,
Of glory, BS, Mom, and friends.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 10:04 AM

Anyone notice the subtle way I set it up so Amos could get 28500?

I'm suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch a nice fellow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 10:55 AM

No, no-one. Why you ask?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 03:23 PM

I saved Amos' life today, Mom. I jumped on a grenade that landed right between us. Amos had dropped it; fortunately it still had the pin in nice and tight and the lever taped down and it was still in the shipping can and there wasn't any detonator in it.

I should get a medal for such heroism, but I probably won't. If I am awarded such I'll decline, and say, "Just doing my duty. Anybody would have done the same thing."

I do so wish Amos would be more careful with his toys.

Tell Cindy I still remember our tender, yet bittersweet, parting kiss.

R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 04:13 PM

You'd remember even longer if it had been Chongo who kissed you.

Or William Shatner.


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Mudcat time: 18 October 5:29 AM EDT

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