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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 28 Jan 09 - 06:41 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 09 - 03:55 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 09 - 03:45 PM
Amos 28 Jan 09 - 02:29 PM
Rapparee 28 Jan 09 - 08:35 AM
GUEST,Feral Cheryl 28 Jan 09 - 07:47 AM
Rapparee 28 Jan 09 - 07:30 AM
Amos 28 Jan 09 - 02:57 AM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 09 - 01:18 AM
Amos 28 Jan 09 - 01:15 AM
Acme 28 Jan 09 - 01:04 AM
Little Hawk 28 Jan 09 - 12:33 AM
Rapparee 27 Jan 09 - 09:52 PM
Amos 27 Jan 09 - 06:29 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 09 - 05:33 PM
Little Hawk 27 Jan 09 - 05:02 PM
Amos 27 Jan 09 - 04:30 PM
Amos 27 Jan 09 - 04:09 PM
GUEST,Colonel Sir Nigel West, CGC (Ret.) 27 Jan 09 - 04:09 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 09 - 03:58 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 09 - 03:32 PM
GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones 27 Jan 09 - 12:48 PM
GUEST,Colonel Sir Nigel West, CGC (Ret.) 27 Jan 09 - 12:22 PM
Rapparee 27 Jan 09 - 11:27 AM
Little Hawk 27 Jan 09 - 08:45 AM
Rapparee 27 Jan 09 - 08:38 AM
Little Hawk 26 Jan 09 - 10:41 PM
Amos 26 Jan 09 - 09:56 PM
Amos 26 Jan 09 - 08:53 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 09 - 05:23 PM
Amos 26 Jan 09 - 03:38 PM
Donuel 26 Jan 09 - 01:29 PM
GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones 26 Jan 09 - 01:24 PM
Little Hawk 26 Jan 09 - 12:58 PM
Acme 26 Jan 09 - 12:53 PM
Rapparee 26 Jan 09 - 09:05 AM
Rapparee 26 Jan 09 - 09:01 AM
MMario 26 Jan 09 - 08:44 AM
GUEST,MOM 26 Jan 09 - 12:52 AM
Acme 26 Jan 09 - 12:24 AM
GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press 26 Jan 09 - 12:24 AM
Rapparee 25 Jan 09 - 10:52 PM
Amos 25 Jan 09 - 10:47 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 09 - 10:44 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 09 - 10:44 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 09 - 10:37 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 25 Jan 09 - 10:35 PM
Little Hawk 25 Jan 09 - 10:31 PM
Amos 25 Jan 09 - 10:28 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 25 Jan 09 - 10:26 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 06:41 PM

Until just now, that is.

Why is no one learning from the fine, upstanding example of MOAB? We set such a good example. What is it with these folks starting daily threads to do with the same topic? Do we really need to know what this particular morning was like, with a date, so a new one is then started tomorrow? Or to write a new caption for a cutesy silly photo, every time a new thread title? Don't they understand that compounding the contributions in one place contributes to the interest?

Okay. Rant over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 03:55 PM

I could have said something about the blind leading the blind, but you'll note that I exercised restraint and didn't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 03:45 PM

Mom knows about it, Amos. She was asking me just a few minutes ago, "How's that brat Amos doing?" and I replied, "About as well as can be expected." She sighed and said, "I told him not to fool around with those bar girls, but that boy is so bullheaded he catch his death outside if I told him to come in out of the rain."

But I too have cataracts and will in a few years have to have something done.

Thank you for going on ahead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 02:29 PM

(From another thread)

This morning I have received a new lease on an important part of my life--my right eye. It had gradually been losing vision due to accumulated protein deposits on the lens, a condition commonly called cataracts for some reason. Yesterday, in an amazingly brief operation, the clouded lens was removed and a synthetic inserted in its place. I love straightforward, workable medical technology, in competent compassionate hands. My surgeon is a wizard at what he does. The world is insanely rich with colors and flooded with light!! It is most beautiful, even though it will take a few days to stabilize the focus. I can read things and see details with this dear old eyeball I never could before. I was woozy as hell, mostly from unaccustomed exposure to Valium, yesterday, and slept a lot. Today, things are brighter and more colorful looking than they have been for years and years.

It brings home to me how dependent we get on eyeballs. While I would prefer not to be dependent on mine, I must say that I can understand the addiction. Colors and the movement of light are really beautiful.






A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 08:35 AM

f.c., from what I've learned Shame was quite drunk one night and stumbling home to his brother Don's place. Shame slipped on a Tim Horton's jelly doughnut and slid into an old, unused cesspool. Too drunk to climb out, he went down twice and on the third time he came up he muttered his last words, "Mmmm, Mmmm, GOOD!", smacked his lips, and sank, going to the Land From Which There Is No Return.

The next morning, Don found that he still had all of his beer and realized that his brother hadn't come home. Naturally he called the cops, but since no one was in any hurry to find Shame it was a couple of days before they followed the trail of empties and footprints in the snow and reconstructed what had happened. And while there was talk about just covering over the old cesspool, they did eventually drag it, found Shame's body, and gave it a proper burial.

The autopsy showed that he'd died from overeating.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Feral Cheryl
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 07:47 AM

I can see clearly now that Shane has gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the long drinks that had him blind
It's going to be a bright, bright sans Shaney day

I think I can make it now that Shane has gone
And all of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been praying for
It's gonna be a bright, bright sans Shaney day..

(hey, where's he gone to... is he okay?)

f.c.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 07:30 AM

Amos isn't dead, fergawdsake! He just no longer exists. His nonexistence is due to his clear seeing. Once he saw clearly he moved on to the Next Astral Plane, corporeal body and all.

I don't expect it to last.

Shame, on the other hand, drowned in an old cesspool. You'll remember his last words were "Mmm, Mmmm, GOOD!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 02:57 AM

Stilly, I am sure there is an off color limerick in there somewhere but I am too tired to write it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 01:18 AM

Thank you, thank you...(bowing deeply)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 01:15 AM

Mwahahahaha!! The notion that Shane lives on, while I, who see clearly now, do not, is indicative only of the wide angle of perversion that defines the landscape of your twisted mind, sir Hawke!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 01:04 AM

I guess you'll be on the beach for a while. At least you have the i-phone to keep you occupied, if you can't play with your kayak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Jan 09 - 12:33 AM

He couldn't face living in a world without Shane...

If only he had known that Shane still lives! If only.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 09:52 PM

There is no Amos. Shame is dead, and Amos doesn't exist because he can see clearly now, the pain is gone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 06:29 PM

And for some reason he stopped posting altogether!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 05:33 PM

Suddenly, everything became clear to Amos....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 05:02 PM

Excellent. Now you will see William Shatner in a far better light, I expect.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 04:30 PM

HEy Mom:

I am back from the surgeon's where the Doc cut a tiny slit in my cornea, scrambled the lens and sucked it out and slipped in a new lens in its place. Right now I am still a bit cross-hatched from the Valium, and the cornea, having swollen a bit, is still reporting things in a bit of a blur. But the healing process will be quick, and I will have a bright clear and unclouded field of vision coming in from my right eye, which has been clouded by cataracts of late, and myopic all my days. I am wearing a clear plastic shell over my eye which makes me look like a half-hardware Borg. ANyway, I am quite excited about having clear vision.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 04:09 PM

Perhaps you would feel better if you hooked up with an internal-combustion rhythm section. The tractor turned out to be first choice after extensive auditions.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Colonel Sir Nigel West, CGC (Ret.)
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 04:09 PM

Winston, Ballsworthy is an idiot and a fool "whose buzz the witty and fair annoys, yet wit ne'er tastes and beauty ne'er enjoys" (as Pope wrote). Drop a brick on his head or ignore him; I recommend the latter as that sort of person suffers more from inattention than from anything else.

As for Veronica, may I suggest a good university college? Perhaps Girton (the late Queen Mother was given the first degree awarded there), or even a women's college in another country?

The Idaho Legion, as I can say from experience, is not what it pretends to be. It's much more like Brooke's than anything else, and membership IS quite restrictive and becoming moreso.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 03:58 PM

Coolies' collared collier collies collection.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 03:32 PM

If I wasn't feeling so lousy I'd be following something here with great avidity. I don't remember what, though. Something about collies, I think. Or maybe it was colliers. Not the magazine, it's been out of business for years. Collier collies with collars?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 12:48 PM

Ah, Nigel, my good man...how are you? I see you've been knighted for your sterling services in Iraq and elsewhere. Jolly good!

Yes, of course Veronica is, as we both know, a damnably determined young woman (like all Rutledge women) and she would probably do whatever she pleases regardless of what I have to say about it...but consider, man!

They refer to "her tolerance for alcoholic beverages, crude behaviour (including the notorious "Reverse Peristalsis Target Shoot"), riding horses bareback (and I mean both horse and rider) and other pastimes"

Do you see Veronica or any other Rutledge woman engaging in such activities? I don't. It's laughable to even think she would volunteer to join this depraved collection of dipsomaniac cowboy ruffians from Idaho and ride around naked for their amusement. I was simply advising them not to further waste their time on what is clearly a futile notion...or more to the point, not to waste my time. I don't actually give a damn how much of their time they waste. I would assume that all of it is wasted already, so it's a moot point, isn't it?

I think that idiotic journalist, Hector Ballsworthy, has something to do with it. He is simply trying to provoke some kind of scandal, as usual, to embarass the upper classes, and he may have paid the Idaho Legion some paltry bribe to make this ridiculous offer to Veronica. I expect they can easily be bought with enough cash to secure a bottle of cheap American whiskey. I could buy them off myself, but why would I? They don't deserve being given that much attention or importance.

- WWJ


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Colonel Sir Nigel West, CGC (Ret.)
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 12:22 PM

Winston old boy, the girl is quite of age to do whatever she wants. And being nominated to the Legion IS quite an honour, you know. Very few without military gallantry are even allowed through the portals, even fewer allowed to a sip in The Room.

Besides, she can tell you to go to hell -- you know that she has her own Trusts and Income which neither you nor Penelope can touch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 11:27 AM

Woke up this mornin'
Imam got me down
Yeah I woke up this mornin'
Imam got me down
I got them Imam blues,
Yeah, I got 'em bad....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 08:45 AM

(sigh...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jan 09 - 08:38 AM

I didn't realize Ms. Rutledge was Jewish and Tweed was Muslim. Imagine that: a Muslim bluesman.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 10:41 PM

Tweed and Penelope Rutledge carried on a vicious feud for years on Mudcat. He would insult her in the most vile fashion, uttering gross untruths about her appearance and character, and she would respond with icy contempt and cross-cultural ridicule directed at his presumably crude lower class origins, and so it would go...as predictable as the relations between Israel and Hezbollah or Hamas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 09:56 PM

Inmeandering through the ancient Jungles of MOAB I came across a Great and Ancient Calumny, buried in vines and overgrown with mosses,.

As I cutt away the thick creepers and tore the leaves away from its weathered surface, lo!! It was of the Ancient One they called, in those days, Tweed of Tweed's Alley!!

In sooth, this is what the wse and ancient Tweed said unto the MOABITES:

"From: Tweed - PM
Date: 03 Dec 03 - 07:31 PM

Penelope Rutledge iz a harpy of the lowest order, Liddle Hargue, and my mos' saje device to you iz stay clear of her. Her tongue is lined wif straight razors and she swills raw Sterno straight from the can. Thar iz no depth obv depravity thet this woman will sink to in order to cut the balls off ob a man, or beast, fish or fowl.

I hab suffered horrible from her scabrous attacks in the passed an' am only now recouped inough to eben respond in a sesnble manner to yore query.

I ain't sure what or who "She" iz but I would not trust her wif my goat nor sleep next to her fer enny lenthg ob time!

Yerz,
Tweed"



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 08:53 PM

Hot barley soup, with home grown hand-sliced carrots and tomatoes and chives, seven-grain bread with fresh country butter, and a nice sherbert with chopped walnuts, Mom. There ya go!! Enjoy!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 05:23 PM

Test for PTH. That could show what's up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 03:38 PM

Capital GAINS???? The very idea is slimy in the current environment.

Because anyone who is making them is making them on the back of a LOT of broken 401Ks and jobless souls.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 01:29 PM

A week after calling for the total failure of Barak's America, Rush Limbaugh cals for change, unity and bi-partisanship. The dark overlords seem to have whispered "...or you're fired!" in his ear.

Corporate America needs him to be popular enough to call for the lion's share of the stimulus plan to go to Corporations. They are also calling for dropping the capitol gains tax. ?
Just who is getting any capital gains these days?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 01:24 PM

I'll keep this brief and to the point. Veronica Rutledge is not going to join the Idaho Legion. Not now. Not ever. Kindly refrain from making further ludicrous offers of enlistment. Thank you very much.

- WWJ


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 12:58 PM

There was a kid in our junior high who kept an entire bottle of orange juice in his locker through the school year. It turned all kinds of amazing colors as time went by, but after awhile no one dared open it. It was donated to the gym storage room at the end of the year, where I suspect the janitor found it and disposed of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 12:53 PM

My son discovered this morning that if you leave orange juice in the fridge just long enough that it hits a point of fermentation right before it goes rancid or spoils or whatever old orange juice does. He thought that one and only mouthful tasted like orange alcohol, before he spit it out. Just as well he spit it out--chances are it isn't just alcohol, it probably isn't good for him at that point.

But hey, this is something new for the backporch gang to try out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 09:05 AM

eye was ess oh ell once until eye said eff eye eye'em gone.

I think it was the baleen. I'm almost sure of it now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 09:01 AM

I understand that C-G Smyte-Withers has offered membership, even an Ensignship (and more) in the Idaho Legion to Veronica Rutledge.

Ms. Rutledge should know before she accepts (and it REALLY IS a very high honour indeed!) that her tolerance for alcoholic beverages, crude behaviour (including the notorious "Reverse Peristalsis Target Shoot"), riding horses bareback (and I mean both horse and rider) and other pastimes, will be sorely tested. The entrance physical is given at the medical school in Salt Lake City (University of Utah) and is of the highest caliber, primarily I suppose to avoid future lawsuits.

HOWEVER: some of the members include the late Colonel Reg Glorybear, a Native American who won both the VC and the MOH at Belleau Woods; Sergeant Nicole Wooden, who in addition to enduring her parents odd sense of humour saved the lives of Sir John Franklynn and his crew when they were trapped in the Arctic; Hector Messinger, four-time Olympic Gold Medal winner in Equistrian; and Aethelred Proudly, Lord Merdhall, who won the Nobel Prize in Economics for his discovery of the "Trickle-Down Theory".

Ms. Rutledge would be in good, even great, company.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 08:44 AM

It was cheap cabernet.

I was in the grocery store saturday and as usual thee are a bunch of people shopping with their cell phones glued to their ears....Do you know some of them SPEAK in "text"?   I kid you not, one woman is standing in the aisle going "oh em gee! oh em gee! I'm ell oh ell!"

*shudder*


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MOM
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 12:52 AM

Little Hawk and Rapaire,

Both of you ARE going to restart your Seraquel tonight, or I'll know the reason why!

Amos, stop bogarting and pass that to me. My nerves is all a'flutter....thankee, Stilly, my lovely daughter, for this nice cup of chamomile tea.

Janie and MMario, it is too late to be out on the back porch guzzling cheap Merlot, get in here now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 12:24 AM

To quote my text message savvy daughter:

OMG!

It's like watching a slow motion train wreck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 12:24 AM

Of COURSE they are related! THAT's the key! It is through the management of carp...artificially gilded carp I might add...passed off as goldfish and distributed to pet stores and Chinese restaurants worldwide, that the Lizard Men plan to secure ultimate power! Each fish will carry a small microwave and radio transmitter that will beam their mind-control program in all directions.

But.....and this is no small but....they still LACK the vital infusion from the Rutledge bloodlines! It truly horrifies me that that only thing standing between us and our collective enslavement or annihilation as free homo sapiens on this planet is one shockingly conceited high society woman in a state of perpetual denial....and her even more shockingly conceited and naive niece who is concerning herself with dreadful rubbish like a bright pink Porsche and 789 pairs of frightfully expensive shoes! It is tragic. These are the people who should be leading us out of the darkness into the light of hope, resistance, and triumph over the Dark Overlords, and what are they doing? BUYING PINK PORSCHES and dreaming about remodeling a country inn!!!!!!!!!!

Am I the only one left who is sane?

Send your thoughts and your monetary support to Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press, 12 Horse End, Bollockshatham on Tweed, Kent, UK.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:52 PM

But it might have been carp. They're related.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:47 PM

Oh, dear, dear. This entire family is unraveling at the memetic seams!! Rapaire is drugged and all of Little Hawk's characters have un-submerged at once and are demanding primacy; the poor lad must be quite embattled, trying to juggle talking hamsters, fat Canadians, and condescending nouveau-riche limeys all in one fell swoop with a blithering scumbag Beaver int he mix to boot. And Rapaire's usual solution of grandiose delusions of solipsistic grandeur won't work while he is on painkillers. I think we better call int he Secnd String for a while. Maybe we could get a message to Bunnhabain and Rustic Rebel and Tweed and have them do the heavy lifting while our pioor lads recoer from what is obviosuly an extreme case of Slow-Accumulation-Traumatic-Stress-Syndrome.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:44 PM

goldfish, I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:44 PM

Shame (or whoever you are), gentlemen do not bother with cowardly, drunken poltroons except to kick them off the sidewalk and back into the gutter where they can lay in their own stale vomit.

You have been posted and have done nothing about it, even though a more-than-generous offer was made to allow you to rectify it. I even went to more than a little personal expense to find you and allow you to prove your manhood and courage, and you were nowhere to be found.

The offer is open-ended. You may even chose the weapons: swords or pistols, but I assure you that I will continue until Third Blood. Please, if you wish to engage me, have your friends (should you have any) contact me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:37 PM

These medications are quite messing with my whatchamacallit -- mind, I think it is. If not that I'm not sure what it is. But a personal invitation from Smyte-Withers is unheard of. I wonder about what that thing is about the snow we've gotten, about 8" of the wet white. It's quite enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:35 PM

FFS! Will youse all shut up fer awhile! Get a flippin' LIFE, eh?   Hey, Rapoop? I got two words fer you. Just two words. You ready?

FLIP OFF, YOU LOOSER!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:31 PM

Rapaire - No, I don't think you


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:28 PM

No, I was peeking into your ward, sorry if you felt compromised.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:26 PM

Dear Colonel-General Helena Smyte-Withers, I am honoured that you would have thought of me. Question: Are you sure it isn't Smythe-Withers? There were some Smythe-Withers in Twilligsgate for years...until that unfortunate business with the mysterious son they kept chained in the dungeons. He got out one night and I am told that NO one survived. Absolutely no one. It was awful. They still talk about the nightly howling...but I'm getting off-topic. Sorry!

1. Your name has been put forth as a possible enlistee in the Idaho Legion. As I am sure you are aware this is an honor not given to everyone.

I blush to say that I wasn't even aware it was an honour given to anyone until I heard from you. It must, I suppose, be quite prestigious?

2. You would, of course, have to take and pass the Entrance Examination, but I do not think that you will have any trouble with that.

No doubt. I'm sure I should do quite well.

3. You will also have to demonstrate adequate physical fitness as well as pass a medical examination.

I am "as fit as a fiddle", to use an expression Aunt Penelope favours! Isn't that cute! ;-) I love it when she says that. My last medical examination turned up nothing of note. Thank heavens!!! Just joking...ha! ha!

4. There will be no cost to you if you accept this invitation, and the records will be destroyed if for some reason you fail any of the examinations.

Cost is no object. However, I would be glad of your generosity. There is no danger of my failing. I am, after all, a Rutledge. I am an accomplished equestrian, a fine gymnast, and a "certified lunatic behind the wheel" (I quote dear Aunt Penelope, who fails to appreciate my unique driving skills...)

5. Because of your familial connections you would, after successfully completing Basic Training, be commissioned as an Ensign; I would expect further promotions to follow rapidly.

Yes, I expect so. Do you have Admirals? Field Marshalls?

6. Please inform me of your decision at your earliest convenience.

Well, my decision hangs on a number of matters.

1. I'm presently attending classes here in England and I will not be free until next spring.

2. I need to talk to Aunt Penelope and Uncle Winston about it and see what they think. Not that I shan't make up my own mind about it, but I'd like to see what they say about Idaho first.

3. What would my duties be as a member of the Idaho Legion? Would I be required to join the "War on Terror"? Aunt Penelope is violently against it and Uncle Winston is violently for it. This creates a conflict of interest that is frankly, quite tiresome, and I would wish to avoid getting mired in that sort of thing. (In any case, I think it's inane to make war on an emotion! That's what Aunt Penelope says, and I believe she is right. Uncle Winston gets awfully mad when she says that and he says it's not about that at all, but that's what a man would say. They're all afraid of looking bad in front of their wretched "mates", you know, so they get all bellicose and dramatic and talk about how they would have had Bin Laden YEARS ago! Bla, bla bla. Most of them can't even find their way to the loo, truth be told!)

TTFN! *Veronica


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