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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,MOM 26 Jan 09 - 12:52 AM
Acme 26 Jan 09 - 12:24 AM
GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press 26 Jan 09 - 12:24 AM
Rapparee 25 Jan 09 - 10:52 PM
Amos 25 Jan 09 - 10:47 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 09 - 10:44 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 09 - 10:44 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 09 - 10:37 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 25 Jan 09 - 10:35 PM
Little Hawk 25 Jan 09 - 10:31 PM
Amos 25 Jan 09 - 10:28 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 25 Jan 09 - 10:26 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 09 - 09:59 PM
Little Hawk 25 Jan 09 - 09:56 PM
Amos 25 Jan 09 - 08:49 PM
GUEST,Colonel-General Helena Smyte-Withers 25 Jan 09 - 08:47 PM
GUEST,Corridus 25 Jan 09 - 08:36 PM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 25 Jan 09 - 08:26 PM
Amos 25 Jan 09 - 07:59 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 09 - 07:02 PM
GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press 25 Jan 09 - 06:50 PM
GUEST,Corridus 25 Jan 09 - 06:12 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 25 Jan 09 - 06:10 PM
Amos 25 Jan 09 - 05:35 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 09 - 05:24 PM
Acme 25 Jan 09 - 04:39 PM
Amos 25 Jan 09 - 04:26 PM
Amos 25 Jan 09 - 04:21 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 25 Jan 09 - 03:49 PM
Rapparee 25 Jan 09 - 03:28 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 25 Jan 09 - 03:26 PM
GUEST,Corridus the Hamster 25 Jan 09 - 02:54 PM
Amos 25 Jan 09 - 02:50 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 25 Jan 09 - 02:48 PM
Amos 25 Jan 09 - 10:53 AM
Rapparee 25 Jan 09 - 10:46 AM
Janie 25 Jan 09 - 09:18 AM
Amos 24 Jan 09 - 11:28 PM
Janie 24 Jan 09 - 08:51 PM
Amos 24 Jan 09 - 08:30 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 09 - 08:25 PM
Janie 24 Jan 09 - 08:08 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 09 - 07:55 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 09 - 07:44 PM
Amos 24 Jan 09 - 07:36 PM
GUEST,Feral Cheryl 24 Jan 09 - 05:46 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 09 - 04:43 PM
Rapparee 24 Jan 09 - 04:31 PM
Amos 24 Jan 09 - 03:12 PM
Amos 24 Jan 09 - 03:01 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MOM
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 12:52 AM

Little Hawk and Rapaire,

Both of you ARE going to restart your Seraquel tonight, or I'll know the reason why!

Amos, stop bogarting and pass that to me. My nerves is all a'flutter....thankee, Stilly, my lovely daughter, for this nice cup of chamomile tea.

Janie and MMario, it is too late to be out on the back porch guzzling cheap Merlot, get in here now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 12:24 AM

To quote my text message savvy daughter:

OMG!

It's like watching a slow motion train wreck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press
Date: 26 Jan 09 - 12:24 AM

Of COURSE they are related! THAT's the key! It is through the management of carp...artificially gilded carp I might add...passed off as goldfish and distributed to pet stores and Chinese restaurants worldwide, that the Lizard Men plan to secure ultimate power! Each fish will carry a small microwave and radio transmitter that will beam their mind-control program in all directions.

But.....and this is no small but....they still LACK the vital infusion from the Rutledge bloodlines! It truly horrifies me that that only thing standing between us and our collective enslavement or annihilation as free homo sapiens on this planet is one shockingly conceited high society woman in a state of perpetual denial....and her even more shockingly conceited and naive niece who is concerning herself with dreadful rubbish like a bright pink Porsche and 789 pairs of frightfully expensive shoes! It is tragic. These are the people who should be leading us out of the darkness into the light of hope, resistance, and triumph over the Dark Overlords, and what are they doing? BUYING PINK PORSCHES and dreaming about remodeling a country inn!!!!!!!!!!

Am I the only one left who is sane?

Send your thoughts and your monetary support to Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press, 12 Horse End, Bollockshatham on Tweed, Kent, UK.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:52 PM

But it might have been carp. They're related.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:47 PM

Oh, dear, dear. This entire family is unraveling at the memetic seams!! Rapaire is drugged and all of Little Hawk's characters have un-submerged at once and are demanding primacy; the poor lad must be quite embattled, trying to juggle talking hamsters, fat Canadians, and condescending nouveau-riche limeys all in one fell swoop with a blithering scumbag Beaver int he mix to boot. And Rapaire's usual solution of grandiose delusions of solipsistic grandeur won't work while he is on painkillers. I think we better call int he Secnd String for a while. Maybe we could get a message to Bunnhabain and Rustic Rebel and Tweed and have them do the heavy lifting while our pioor lads recoer from what is obviosuly an extreme case of Slow-Accumulation-Traumatic-Stress-Syndrome.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:44 PM

goldfish, I think.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:44 PM

Shame (or whoever you are), gentlemen do not bother with cowardly, drunken poltroons except to kick them off the sidewalk and back into the gutter where they can lay in their own stale vomit.

You have been posted and have done nothing about it, even though a more-than-generous offer was made to allow you to rectify it. I even went to more than a little personal expense to find you and allow you to prove your manhood and courage, and you were nowhere to be found.

The offer is open-ended. You may even chose the weapons: swords or pistols, but I assure you that I will continue until Third Blood. Please, if you wish to engage me, have your friends (should you have any) contact me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:37 PM

These medications are quite messing with my whatchamacallit -- mind, I think it is. If not that I'm not sure what it is. But a personal invitation from Smyte-Withers is unheard of. I wonder about what that thing is about the snow we've gotten, about 8" of the wet white. It's quite enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:35 PM

FFS! Will youse all shut up fer awhile! Get a flippin' LIFE, eh?   Hey, Rapoop? I got two words fer you. Just two words. You ready?

FLIP OFF, YOU LOOSER!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:31 PM

Rapaire - No, I don't think you


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:28 PM

No, I was peeking into your ward, sorry if you felt compromised.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:26 PM

Dear Colonel-General Helena Smyte-Withers, I am honoured that you would have thought of me. Question: Are you sure it isn't Smythe-Withers? There were some Smythe-Withers in Twilligsgate for years...until that unfortunate business with the mysterious son they kept chained in the dungeons. He got out one night and I am told that NO one survived. Absolutely no one. It was awful. They still talk about the nightly howling...but I'm getting off-topic. Sorry!

1. Your name has been put forth as a possible enlistee in the Idaho Legion. As I am sure you are aware this is an honor not given to everyone.

I blush to say that I wasn't even aware it was an honour given to anyone until I heard from you. It must, I suppose, be quite prestigious?

2. You would, of course, have to take and pass the Entrance Examination, but I do not think that you will have any trouble with that.

No doubt. I'm sure I should do quite well.

3. You will also have to demonstrate adequate physical fitness as well as pass a medical examination.

I am "as fit as a fiddle", to use an expression Aunt Penelope favours! Isn't that cute! ;-) I love it when she says that. My last medical examination turned up nothing of note. Thank heavens!!! Just joking...ha! ha!

4. There will be no cost to you if you accept this invitation, and the records will be destroyed if for some reason you fail any of the examinations.

Cost is no object. However, I would be glad of your generosity. There is no danger of my failing. I am, after all, a Rutledge. I am an accomplished equestrian, a fine gymnast, and a "certified lunatic behind the wheel" (I quote dear Aunt Penelope, who fails to appreciate my unique driving skills...)

5. Because of your familial connections you would, after successfully completing Basic Training, be commissioned as an Ensign; I would expect further promotions to follow rapidly.

Yes, I expect so. Do you have Admirals? Field Marshalls?

6. Please inform me of your decision at your earliest convenience.

Well, my decision hangs on a number of matters.

1. I'm presently attending classes here in England and I will not be free until next spring.

2. I need to talk to Aunt Penelope and Uncle Winston about it and see what they think. Not that I shan't make up my own mind about it, but I'd like to see what they say about Idaho first.

3. What would my duties be as a member of the Idaho Legion? Would I be required to join the "War on Terror"? Aunt Penelope is violently against it and Uncle Winston is violently for it. This creates a conflict of interest that is frankly, quite tiresome, and I would wish to avoid getting mired in that sort of thing. (In any case, I think it's inane to make war on an emotion! That's what Aunt Penelope says, and I believe she is right. Uncle Winston gets awfully mad when she says that and he says it's not about that at all, but that's what a man would say. They're all afraid of looking bad in front of their wretched "mates", you know, so they get all bellicose and dramatic and talk about how they would have had Bin Laden YEARS ago! Bla, bla bla. Most of them can't even find their way to the loo, truth be told!)

TTFN! *Veronica


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 09:59 PM

Did I mention


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 09:56 PM

Amos, are you quite all right? This is a friend inquiring. You seem to have crossed synapses between two unrelated storylines. This is worrisome.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 08:49 PM

Well, then, Little Hawk, would you like to color Corriduys a nice "tan skin brown" color? Or perhaps mauve? And that pink for the Porsche? That would be grand. Yes, you can add a doggy if you want, but it must be a kind and gentle doggy--we wouldn't want Corridus feeling unsafe, would we?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Colonel-General Helena Smyte-Withers
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 08:47 PM

DATE: 25 January 2009
TO: Veronica Rutledge
SUBJECT: Enlistment

1. Your name has been put forth as a possible enlistee in the Idaho Legion. As I am sure you are aware this is an honor not given to everyone.

2. You would, of course, have to take and pass the Entrance Examination, but I do not think that you will have any trouble with that.

3. You will also have to demonstrate adequate physical fitness as well as pass a medical examination.

4. There will be no cost to you if you accept this invitation, and the records will be destroyed if for some reason you fail any of the examinations.

5. Because of your familial connections you would, after successfully completing Basic Training, be commissioned as an Ensign; I would expect further promotions to follow rapidly.

6. Please inform me of your decision at your earliest convenience.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Corridus
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 08:36 PM

Odd. I keep getting that feeling of deja vu. Like I've been here before.

Perhaps it is one of the aftereffects of the cryogenic freezing process. One thing I did notice right away was that I was ravenously hungry! Come to think of it, though, that's not unusual.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 08:26 PM

What rubbish! That idiot Ballsworthy is completely and absolutely mad! Or he has a criminal mind. Or both. He should be locked up for life like some terrorist fanatic! It's disgraceful how he hounds the upper classes and generally pesters the real people of substance who hold up a shining example in society that others less fortunate may follow.

He makes me sick! I have just drawn a very unflattering depiction of Hector Ballsworthy on a lavatory wall here (I shan't say where it is) and I have taken the liberty of depicting him with his pants just fallen down around his ankles. The observer will note that he is wearing NO knikkers at all! And guess how large his miserable little dangling thingie is? It's tiny! Almost microscopic. Ha! Ha!

I hope you get to see this picture I have drawn, Hector. I hope you see it in the trashy papers soon.

The suggestion that my Uncle Winston would ever do THAT...to me...is absolutely disgusting and ludicrous! We're family, you know. It's unthinkable! Besides, he's WAY too old and he smells of cigars! True, he can be cold at times. Some have called call him "unfeeling" or "ruthless". Some would called him worse. I don't think Aunt Penny really likes him at all anymore and he does acquire a somewhat reptilian glare when you cross him, but he is still, after all, her husband, and he bought me a new Porsche when the old one sank to the bottom of the bog that it unfortunately went into one day. It's bright pink. The new car, I mean, NOT the bog! I have decided it's time for a bold new statement in automotive fashion. The old car with the Zebra stripes was getting sooooo OLD, sad to say. I hardly miss it at all.

Hector Ballsworthy is just mad and jealous because his family never bought HIM a Porsche!

TTFN! *Veronica


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 07:59 PM

Rapaire, soften the points on those Crayolas, would you? We don't want these figments hurting each other...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 07:02 PM

O-kay. Whatever you say. That's right. Now just sit down, take a couple of deep breaths, and the nice nurse will be by any moment now with your medicines.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy, the Independent Press
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 06:50 PM

This is, I think, the perfect juncture to announce that I, Hector Ballsworthy of the Independent Press, the most courageous publication in the entire UK (if not the world), have uncovered BRAND NEW and UNDENIABLE EVIDENCE that ties the Rutledge clan and the notorious Wellington-Joneses to the secret order of !!! Lizard People !!! who are running most...no, all of the societies of the western world from the highest levels through their mind control techniques and their management of the Roman Catholic Church, the Church of England, the Masonic orders, and the international banking system.

You will surely recall my groundbreaking revelations in that same publication back in 2005 which revealed...among other things...that Penelope Rutledge, the beautiful patrician daughter of one of England's oldest families, had been selected, unbeknownst to her, to be married to the notorious and inhuman Lizard Man, Winston Wellington-Jones in a satanic ceremony! This was done so as to enrich the reptilian bloodlines with the unique Rutledge genetic strain which goes all the way back to the legendary King Arthur...and quite possibly to Charlemagne as well, thence to none other than Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene, and prior to that, Gilgamesh and the Queen of Sheba.

But that is only scratching the surface! Watch for my new book coming out shortly that will reveal much, much more. Yes, I, Hector Ballsworthy, am the ONLY man in the UK who dares bring you these stories, and the ONLY man in the world who has ever faced down a Carswellian Horde of fungoids on the bare heath armed only with an umbrella, a ballpoint pen, and a guide to the London underground.

The point of all this...what IS the point you may ask? Well, I am going to tell you.

Are you ready for this???

ARE you?????????????

You are. Very good. Stiff upper lips well in place? Seated just in case? Right, then!

The point of all this is simple. Penelope Rutledge has produced NO child in her loveless marriage with the monster Wellington-Jones. Do you know what that means? It means that her life is now in the most grave danger!!! The Lizard People are not patient beings, nor do they have any human feelings at all, and they will not allow much more time for their evil machinations to go forward. MARK MY WORDS! If Penelope Rutledge is not pregnant by December of 2009, she will be sacrificed to the Lizard God, most likely at Stonehenge or some similar site! And then her niece, Veronica Rutledge, a mere girl at this time who is naive and inexperienced, will definitely be the next innocent target for their hideous scheme of producing Rutledge-Lizard progeny via Winston Wellington-Jones! I promise you that if Penelope Rutledge does not bear a child before late 2010 that she will die hideously and her niece will be subjected to a fate WORSE THAN DEATH!!!

You heard it here. Hector Ballsworthy. The Independent Press.

Do not stand aside and ignore what is happening to your England and our world! Take a bold stand. The only thing you have to fear is fear itself!!!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Corridus
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 06:12 PM

I'm not sure I want to hang around with such seedy company either. But...having been cryogenically frozen for the last couple of years, I am ready for just about any kind of entertainment at this point.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 06:10 PM

Chinga would definitely not fit inta that high-falutin' scene over at Knightsbridge. Mind you, she don't fit in nowheres that is one step outta the gutter, if you get my meanin'...

I didn't get to meet Ms Penelope Rutledge when I was in the UK. I wasn't movin' in the right circles. Too bad, cos I think she woulda been impressed.

Looks to me like the tribe's are gatherin'. The Little Hawk tribes, I mean. That don't happen often. This place is liable to go downhill fast. I should blow this pop stand before the crap hits the fan, but I'm havin' too much fun and I wanta see what happens next.

Same old story. ("Pour me a stiff one, Hilda, and I'll have one ready fer you after the place closes.")

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 05:35 PM

Now, now, Rapaire--don't be badmouthing one of Leedle Hack's inventions to another one...you could inadvertently make his brain explode. At least, I think it would be inadvertent.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 05:24 PM

Actually, Amos, a little birching might well do Ms. Penelope's hubby some good. It certainly wouldn't have hurt the late Shame...but then he might have grown to truly enjoy it (if you catch my drift) and have turned into a public school bully.

And Ms. Penelope -- I am quite a good shot with rifle, pistol, and shotgun (I've taken a few grouse in my time, but not in the last few years) and a fair hand with saber, rapier, and small sword. It would never have come to that with the late Shame McBride, sniveling and whining coward that he was.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 04:39 PM

Geez, Louise, Little Hawk.

Isn't it a little crowded in there?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 04:26 PM

Which, by the way, establishes yet ANOTHER century mark for our revered Mom!!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 04:21 PM

Chinga tells me she knows Penelope well--they were going to go partners on a franchise in Hull, with Penelope providing the venture capital, and a few of the upper-class candidates from amongst her exclusive circle, while Chinga did the on-the ground start-up management.

Unfortunately, Winston got wind of it and said it would never do. He was adamant. Just thik, he pointed out, what your friends at the mudcat would say? I can't have you associated with some slovenly house of ill-repute in a third-rate town like 'Ull!! Penelope remonstrated, protested, pouted, flounced, wept quietly, and even tried having a tantrum, but he would not be moved. Finally she gave in and agreed to move the whole plan to Knightsbridge, which he thought would be rather jolly... Penelope hasn't told Chinga yet, though. She's not sure if C. would fit in.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 03:49 PM

Oh, my! Getting rather worked up, aren't we? I don't know about you, but I always find my blood coursing a bit faster through my veins at the thought of an "affair of honour" being settled by two grim-faced, well-dressed, self-important men, their taut faces pale but determined as they size each other up across a bare stretch of misty ground on some chosen field of mortal combat, their seconds and assistants standing mute to one side, the last moments ticking away as they balance their gigantic, swaggering, bloated egos on the unpredictable razor's edge of fate...a few beads of sweat appearing on a suitably stiff upper lip or two...eyes narrowed...the pretense of outer calm masking the sudden rush of inner panic that causes the mustache to tremble ever so slightly...

What a pity that in this case one of them has not even shown up! With any luck you might kill one another simultaneously, leaving the world a little richer in your passing.

You people in the former colonies really do need a little qualified instruction in these formalized matters. I'll have to see if I can get dear Winston (my husband) to take a little trip to North America and give dueling comportment lessons to the needy. God knows...it would get him out of the house for awhile, and wouldn't that be just grand! Things might finally become somewhat sane and sensible around here. I would remodel the Vicar's Inn, turn it into a decent place, throw out his layabout wastrel friends and their filty cigars, and turn that disgusting bar into a vegetarian buffet...with live chamber music on the weekends.

Someday, Penelope, someday...

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 03:28 PM

Shame, Shame (or whoever you are). I've been to Blind River; in fact, I just returned. I stayed (just so you know) at the Auberge Eldo Inn on Highway 17 (the Trans-Can Highway), and you wouldn't have been permitted there because the motel is completely non-smoking.

I was looking for YOU, BOY. I got fed UP with your mouthin' off, with your general ugliness, and I was determined to both of them permanently. I looked for you in all the usual spots, little boy, and you weren't there.

Then, a member of the OPP asked what I was doing and I told her that I was "looking" for you. She took me in her car to the cemetery and pointed to a sunken grave (hard to tell in the snow). The marker said "Shane McBride" and gave birth and death dates.

I've done, it, punk. You chickened out. I've offered to meet you literally half way, but you didn't take me up on it.

So:

I herewith post the so-called Shane McBride, or whoever it is who is posted as him, as a coward, a drunken poltroon, and a liar.

If you wish to do something about it I will meet you at any day or place convenient FOR ME.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 03:26 PM

Some might say the same of this entire thread... ;-D

But that would be insensitive, wouldn't it? Well, far be it from me to be...insensitive!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Corridus the Hamster
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 02:54 PM

This subject isn't worth two stale sesame seeds at the end of a very long and dusty tunnel...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 02:50 PM

Little Hawk, be careful you don't fall in...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 02:48 PM

You don't fool me, man! I know what is goin' on, eh? You are arfraid to come to Blind River! You are afraide to meet yer total dee-struckshen which is what would happen, man, if you took the bull by the flippin' horns and come here to face me. I know you will not do it. I can flippin' garan-T it. Well, that is okay cos everyone here in the Great White North will know that you are just a big fat empty mouth that don't dare to face down Shane McBride! We are laffin' at you, man. Stay down in Poplatello with the other flippin' greaseball cowerds cos that is where youse flippin' belong!

- Shane McBride


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:53 AM

Meeting Shame is surely something you have had enough of in this life, Sir Libris.

Mom. here's a treat for after brekkie. Kendall says it is a good quote.

"When understanding occurs, simplicity reigns."





A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 10:46 AM

I'm reminded by a music thread that I really wanted to "meet" Shame McBride. My trigger fingers are itchin' somethin' fierce.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 25 Jan 09 - 09:18 AM

Here it is after 9:00 in the morning, Mom, and no one has brought you breakfast. Here, I think you will like this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 11:28 PM

BEyond all that--with great respect--here's the weirdest discussion of the nature of the universe I have ever heard. It is Stephen Hawkings expostulating on the analytical work concerning the Big Bang and its implications.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 08:51 PM

Thanks guys. I just knew I could count on you. (And sorry Mom, for disrupting the story-line.)

Excuse me while I exchange exposure to the testosterone of male sibling rivalry for the testosterone of Middle Age Dating;>)

I know Rap is right, and Shan(m)e must be truly dead, or he would be wreaking havoc on that thread, which has done this weird morph into adolescents, teaching morals and responsibility, and sex education.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 08:30 PM

And F**** stands for "Fuck's".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 08:25 PM

"FFS   For F*** Sake"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 08:08 PM

I interrupt this program for an important question.

What does FFS stand for in internet speak?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 07:55 PM

Oh, and f.c.:

Take Amos's advice. For a change it's good advice. The late Shame McBride will only destroy you...he used women and then left them to drown in their tears. You're far, far, better than he ever was.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 07:44 PM

Whilst poking around on the World Wide Web, I found a few interesting things. The first was found in what appears to have been a privy at L'Anse Aux Meadows. It was written originally in the Far Northern dialect of Hellulund, a language variant not particularly good for poetry; I've done my best to translate it and noted in square brackets that which I could not because of a) lack of knowledge of the language (and no one today is or really wants to be fluent in any dialect of Hellulundic), or b) the word or phrase was missing the in original and I've put in my best guess of what appropriate. The manuscript dates to about 1390.

...came amongst us / one who called himself Mabrid
Crept he from the bilge of Eiric's / ship yclept "High Wave Rider"
Crept he with the other bilge [rats?] / to infect our home and farm
He was black of hair / and squat of stature
[Pocked?] his face / with seeping sores
Even then we gave him succor / opened to him our home and hearth
But he showed no thanks to us / eating all, our food [and] his lice
Drinking until he was well-drunken / then he pissed into the beer tun
[Molested?] he our sheep and chickens / not excepting ducks and drakes
When he was taken off by natives / no cared to save his [hide?]...


Another is from the journal of Auguste Pierre Rampaul, a voyageur who trapped in Northern Ontario in the early 18th century. Again, I've done my best to translate.

...We found living apart from them [the Hurons, apparently] a family quite notorious for their filthy way of living and vicious habits, which included vices I will not describe as they would make even the most degraded brute (which these [the Indians with whom he was staying] assuredly are not) sick with disgust and loathing. We were told they were called "M'bride" and had been kept with the tribe for many, many years as they would eat the garbage of the longhouse, but never to turn your back to them....

The third is from the diary of Abigail Smith, a young woman of Blind River, Ontario. It dates from the 1920s, but that is all that can be told about it.

...Wednesday. Last night was so funny! Jane was teasing "Little Dicky" McBride (you remember why he was called that, don't you Dear Diary?) when he started to cry. It seems that he'd had his hand on his you-know when he got a cramp in his hand and he said he'd "lost his cherry." Jane, Kate, and I laughed and giggled about it for hours, and I found later that Bill and Pete had beaten him up when he ran for that shack they call a home for "playing" with Jane. It was so funny! You'd think someone that was 24 years old would be more of a man!...

I bring these up purely in the interest of scholarship.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 07:36 PM

Nah, CHeryl, it ain't gonna happen. Shane does not acknowledge love, because his heart is as dried as an empty beer can on a frozen highway. Walk away while you still have a heart left, dear child. Dramatizing anger in Rapaire's direction will not solve the bitterness inside of you, which is born from endless associations with Blind River losers and bums. Move to Montreal, and get into folk music. Start with the kazoo. Believe me, some day you will thank me for this advice.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Feral Cheryl
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 05:46 PM

My Shane ain't no wimp. I'll be there too and I'll GET you Ray-pear. You lay one hand on my Shane and I'll dee-stroy you. may even de-fenestre you. Maybe (sob) Shane will then finally acknowledge my deep love for him.

f.c.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 04:43 PM

Oh, yeah.

Shame of the McBrides:

We'll compromise. I'll meet you in Moose Jaw or Saskatoon (your choice) for the Big Finale.

Of course, if you're a scared, whimpering, panty-wearing, Budweiser-drinking, Sponge Bob of a little mama's boy, hiding behind mama's skirts....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 04:31 PM

We ALREADY send to cops in. Why should we go? It's their job.

1. Young man never returned US $1,200 worth of stuff. We sent the cops; turned out he was "mentally challenged" and his mother (whom he never told about the books), the cop, and I worked out a deal.

2. Woman had over $800 worth out. Repeated efforts got no response, even to the "return receipt" certified letter even though the receipt was returned. We got the stuff back and she spent a night in jail -- seems like she skipped her appointment with her probation officer as well.

3. Young man returned a bunch of stuff he found in an apartment he'd just rented, saving another guy from having a warrant sworn out against him for Grand Theft (>$1,200).

I take this "public trust" stuff seriously. You're warned when you sign for a card, you get all sorts of warnings, you ignore them at your peril.

Rapaire

"Serving The Public Trust Since May 5, 2003 (no tellin' what he did before that)"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 03:12 PM

Little Hawk:

I know that is the way it seems, but you of all people should know that the people you despise enter your life through your own fevered creative embrace of them.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 09 - 03:01 PM

Filed at 2:41 p.m. ET

INDEPENDENCE, Iowa (AP) -- An Iowa woman has been arrested because she failed to return a library book.

"Thirty-nine-year-old Shelly Koontz was arrested Thursday night on a fifth-degree theft charge. She is accused of keeping ''The Freedom Writers Diary,'' which she checked out from the public library in nearby Jesup in April.

Police say the book -- which is about a high school teacher's effort to inspire students to write -- is valued at $13.95.

Court records show library employees tried repeatedly to contact Koontz by phone and mail. A police officer even visited her home last September.

Officials at the Buchanan County jail say Koontz was released after posting $250 bond. No telephone listing for Koontz could be found in the Independence area."



I can see it now, a few years down the road when Rapaire's trainees are running the show. The front door gets kicked in and a flash-bang goes off. Lithe, buff 20-somethings in protective body armor burst through waving TASERS and electronic "book detection devices" (BDDs).

"Librarian SWAT ream!! Nobody move!!!!"

"Don't Koontz me, man! Don't Koontz me!!!! Aieeeee!!!!"

A


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