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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 19 Oct 09 - 09:45 PM
Amos 19 Oct 09 - 10:56 PM
Acme 19 Oct 09 - 11:40 PM
Amos 20 Oct 09 - 09:17 AM
Rapparee 20 Oct 09 - 09:19 AM
Rapparee 20 Oct 09 - 09:47 AM
Amos 20 Oct 09 - 12:29 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 09 - 03:15 PM
Amos 20 Oct 09 - 03:47 PM
Little Hawk 20 Oct 09 - 05:10 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 09 - 05:29 PM
Little Hawk 20 Oct 09 - 05:31 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 09 - 05:32 PM
Amos 20 Oct 09 - 08:06 PM
Ed T 20 Oct 09 - 08:44 PM
Rapparee 20 Oct 09 - 10:04 PM
Ed T 20 Oct 09 - 10:53 PM
Acme 20 Oct 09 - 11:48 PM
Little Hawk 21 Oct 09 - 02:18 AM
Rapparee 21 Oct 09 - 09:58 AM
Little Hawk 21 Oct 09 - 11:35 AM
Amos 21 Oct 09 - 12:17 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 21 Oct 09 - 01:35 PM
Rapparee 21 Oct 09 - 02:25 PM
Little Hawk 21 Oct 09 - 04:32 PM
Amos 21 Oct 09 - 04:36 PM
Little Hawk 21 Oct 09 - 04:38 PM
Acme 21 Oct 09 - 07:17 PM
Ed T 21 Oct 09 - 09:48 PM
Amos 21 Oct 09 - 10:04 PM
Acme 21 Oct 09 - 10:09 PM
Rapparee 21 Oct 09 - 10:12 PM
Amos 21 Oct 09 - 11:09 PM
Janie 22 Oct 09 - 12:39 AM
Amos 22 Oct 09 - 02:05 AM
Rapparee 22 Oct 09 - 08:48 AM
Rapparee 22 Oct 09 - 08:55 AM
Acme 22 Oct 09 - 10:36 AM
Amos 22 Oct 09 - 11:41 AM
Amos 22 Oct 09 - 12:02 PM
Rapparee 22 Oct 09 - 04:43 PM
Amos 22 Oct 09 - 05:06 PM
Little Hawk 22 Oct 09 - 05:15 PM
Rapparee 22 Oct 09 - 05:33 PM
Ed T 22 Oct 09 - 05:58 PM
Ed T 22 Oct 09 - 05:58 PM
Ed T 22 Oct 09 - 06:07 PM
Ed T 22 Oct 09 - 06:10 PM
Amos 22 Oct 09 - 06:36 PM
Rapparee 22 Oct 09 - 09:01 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 09:45 PM

I'm sorry, Amos. I apologize. I thought you'd like those songs, especially since I didn't write them. Here's another you might like, since I didn't write it.

O Freunde, nicht diese Töne!
    Sondern laßt uns angenehmere
    anstimmen und freudenvollere.
    Freude!

    Freude, schöner Götterfunken
    Tochter aus Elysium,
    Wir betreten feuertrunken,
    Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!
    Deine Zauber binden wieder
    Was die Mode streng geteilt;
    Alle Menschen werden Brüder,
    (Schiller's original:
    Was der Mode Schwert geteilt;
    Bettler werden Fürstenbrüder,)
    Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

    Wem der große Wurf gelungen,
    Eines Freundes Freund zu sein;
    Wer ein holdes Weib errungen,
    Mische seinen Jubel ein!
    Ja, wer auch nur eine Seele
    Sein nennt auf dem Erdenrund!
    Und wer's nie gekonnt, der stehle
    Weinend sich aus diesem Bund!

    Freude trinken alle Wesen
    An den Brüsten der Natur;
    Alle Guten, all Bösen
    Folgen ihrer Rosenspur.
    Küsse gab sie uns und Reben,
    Einen Freund, geprüft im Tod;
    Wollust ward dem Wurm gegeben,
    und der Cherub steht vor Gott.

    Froh, wie seine Sonnen fliegen
    Durch des Himmels prächt'gen Plan,
    Laufet, Brüder, eure Bahn,
    Freudig, wie ein Held zum Siegen.

    Seid umschlungen, Millionen!
    Diesen Kuß der ganzen Welt!
    Brüder, über'm Sternenzelt
    Muß ein lieber Vater wohnen.
    Ihr stürzt nieder, Millionen?
    Ahnest du den Schöpfer, Welt?
    Such' ihn über'm Sternenzelt!
    Über Sternen muß er wohnen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 10:56 PM

LOL! I prefer those you write yourself!! At least I can trust the attribution!!

Here's what Babelshit says about your Ode to Joy:

O of friends, not these tones!
    To separate let us more pleasant
    anstimmen and joy-fuller.
    Joy!

    Joy, beautiful God sparks
    Daughter from Elysium,
    We entered feuertrunken,
    Heavenly one, your Heiligtum!
    Your charms bind again
    Which the fashion strictly divided;
    All humans become brothers,
    (Schiller's original:
    Which the mode sword divided;
    Beggars become prince brothers,)
    Where your gentle wing stays.

    Whom the large throw successfully,
    To be a friend friend;
    Who holdes a woman achieved,
    Interfere his rejoicing!
    Yes, who also only one soul
    Its calls on that ground approximately!
    And wer's never skillfully, which steals
    Crying itself from this federation!

    All natures drink joy
    At the breasts of nature;
    All good ones, all bad ones
    Consequences of their rose trace.
    Kisses it gave us and vines,
    A friend, examined in death;
    Wollust ward the worm given,
    and the Cherub stands before God.

    Gladly, as its suns fly
    By the sky prächt'gen plan,
    Run, brothers, your course,
    Joyfully, like a hero to triumphing.

    Are umschlungen, millions!
    This kiss of the whole world!
    Brothers, über'm star tent
    A dear father must live.
    You fall down, millions?
    Do you suspect the creator, world?
    Such' it über'm star tent!
    Over stars he must live.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Oct 09 - 11:40 PM

MOM just loves it [not] when you mingle food and poop and vomit jokes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 09:17 AM

I must say,now that electricity has been invented, the Mudcat works rather well!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 09:19 AM

Yes, soiling my pants while eating breakfast makes me want to puke.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 09:47 AM

It's that new-fangled alternating current. Sometimes it's on and alternately it's off. What's even more interesting is that sometimes it flows to your house and other times your current flows out to the power company.

See, the power company is really just a great big bunch of flashlight batteries and there's another bunch of batteries hidden under your house. When the batteries under your house run down, electricity flows from the electric company's batteries and recharges yours. When the electric company's batteries get low they take a charge from your batteries. You have to pay for it no matter what direction it's going because the electricity all belongs to the electric company (except for lightning and other wild electricity, which are sort of like wild animals). When you use it, it makes a "circuit" from the batteries to the lamp or toaster or whatever and goes back into the batteries (the word "circuit" is related to "circle"). A teensy bit trickles out through gaps in the wire's insulation and it's this that causes your batteries to run down (and also causes male pattern baldness, PMS, and various embarrassing itches).

Sometimes the electric company has to replace its batteries and then there is a "power outage." This can also happen when the company has to replace YOUR batteries: they do this via a series of secret underground tunnels that run to every house that "has electricity."

That's why the Legion Hovel is not lit by electricity, but by the rubicund noses of many of its habitues. The noses work kinda like glow sticks: you give them a good whack and a shake to make them work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 12:29 PM

Rapaire he is a naughty lad,
He cherishes just being bad,
Although it makes his poor Mom sad,
All on a summer day, oh!
He brags of using lethal force,
And makes up stories rude and coarse,
And nasty humor does endorse,
Fiddling time away, oh,
All on a summer day.

Rapaire is gleeful, sly and rude,
And speaks of heresy, and food,
Of weapons and of rounders lewd,
All on a summer day, oh!
He takes up poetry from the shelf
In acts of literary pelf,
And claims he made them up himself!
Fiddling time away, oh,
All on a summer day.

His signature you cannot trust,
His colleagues he has roundly cussed,
He ought to be tagged for a bust,
All on a summer day, oh!
And rounded up and put away,
Beyond the reach of the light of day,
Where rats cavort and roaches play,
Fiddling time away, oh,
All on a summer day.

Then in his penance, in the gloom,
Confined in a 12- by 10-foot room,
He'd hum a different sort of tune,
ALl on a summer day, oh!
He'd solemn grow, his tears would flow,
Regret would feed him endless woe,
And thus he would repent, you know.
Ah, fiddling time away, oh!
All on a summer day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 03:15 PM

Thank you, Amos. That was a very nice poem.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 03:47 PM

It was my pleasure--nay, my HONOR--good sir. Such a lay is written for a man rarely and is cause for great elation.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 05:10 PM

Then there was the time Shane got it on with one of the female cleaning staff at the Blind River arena after hours...

"Such a lay is experienced by a man (like Shane) rarely and is cause for great elation."

He boasted about it for months afterward to anyone who would listen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 05:29 PM

I think so too, and will recite it at this afternoon's meeting of the Board of Library Trustees. They will also appreciate it, I'm sure. And Thursday I'll read it at the semi-annual meeting of the Library Consortium of Eastern Idaho. Good poetry deserves to be widely disseminated.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 05:31 PM

Verily, yea, and forsooth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 05:32 PM

This member of the cleaning staff at the Arena -- was the name "Zamboni" by any chance?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 08:06 PM

Why yes--"Arena Zamboni". Shane figgered she was Italian, on account of her feet being a bit hairy...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 08:44 PM

A bit of a horsetail that Shane, est cela non vrai?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 10:04 PM

M'sieur Shame McBride c'est un...un...je ne sais quoi. Peut-etre, un cochon, un cochon ivre et un poseur. Mais oui, un poseur ivre.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 10:53 PM

Possibly Shane's likeness, infixed in a chair?

http://dizzymonk.hotlikepho.com/category/funny/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Oct 09 - 11:48 PM

That doesn't look comfortable even for the one who modeled for it.

Rap, if you're going to read poetry at work, a word to the wise: be sure it isn't on the day when the staff are carrying their shootin' irons for target practice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 02:18 AM

Well, whoever the woman in question was, she must have really wanted to get away from the work she was doing for awhile, I would figure. And Shane just happened to be there. Sometimes that's all it takes. Just show up at the right moment.

Shane is forever searching for such moments, but he seldom finds them. Don says it's all in your "attitude", and I suspect he's right. Don never lacks for female company. Never. It drives Shane nearly out of his mind. He can't understand why Don succeeds so well at the one thing Shane most wants to succeed at, specially since Don is going prematurely bald while Shane glories in his mop of unwashed, greasy hair...which is a classic mullet cut, very suitable for a guy who idolizes heavy metal "hair" bands.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 09:58 AM

Shame McBride is actually stone bald and has been since that time he slipped going over the chain-link and razor-wire fence around the gaol in Sudbury and suddenly became an off-key soprano. What passes for his hair is actually the tails of a horse, two dead skunks and a mule, which he super-glued to his scalp. Quite appropriate, actually.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 11:35 AM

You're a cruel man, Rapaire. ;-) I think you should know that Shane is VERY upset about you reneging on his gig at the Idaho Legion. He has it in for you now and is plotting his revenge as I speak.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 12:17 PM

This is Arena Zamboni on her first job, just out of high school. Sweet, huh? You can understand why Shane would take a tumble for her.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 01:35 PM

You think I'm flippin' stoopid, dontcha, bolthole? I have had women that you would flippin' DIE for, man, only it wouldn't do no good cos ya can't have sex no more when yer dead! Ha! Ha! Ha! I am laffin' at youse people. That's right....laffin'. I pity all of youse. Youse are flipped so bad that there ain't no hope left, so just FLIP RIGHT OFF, okay?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 02:25 PM

LH, there was no reneging on anything. The boy didn't respond in time to the suggestion that he play the week between Christmas and New Years -- you snooze, you lose, you know. The Commandant gave him two days for a response, and when he was conspicuous by his absence she booked the Butthole Surfers and Celtic Goatherd. Time marches on, even in Blind River.

But from the contents of his last posting here I must admit that I feel threatened. I don't mind being laughed at -- far better men have done so -- but to talk about me being dead I can only take as a threat. I am therefore filing a complaint with the RCMP, and he should also know that I will be going armed with a .357 Magnum revolver loaded with 80 grain Glaser Blue frangible bullets. If he approaches me I strongly urge him to take his hands out of his pants and keep them in plain sight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 04:32 PM

You're filing a complaint with the RCMP about Shane? Man, if you could see his file....what I mean is, they've already had hundreds of complaints about Shane in the past 15 or so years. Thousands maybe. His RCMP file is so enormous at this point that it takes up a whole file drawer in their Sudbury main office. Then there's his O.P.P. file...even more impressive.

I guess one more complaint won't hurt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 04:36 PM

Shane would be well advised to make Arena Zamboni a serious proposal and ask her to get him out of town...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 04:38 PM

You're suggesting he should be "put on ice" for awhile?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 07:17 PM

Last time he was on ice I was sure she gave him the brush off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 09:48 PM

Can you spot Shane in any of these photos?

http://brog.engrish.com/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 10:04 PM

An entry worthy of a Librarian with lascivious tendencies...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 10:09 PM

Rap, order a few of these and give them to your staff for the holidays: Guild of Radical Militant Librarians stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 10:12 PM

Here's a picture of Shame. This was taken after his last haircut.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Oct 09 - 11:09 PM

I LOVE the Guild of Radical Militant Librarians with all my heart.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 12:39 AM

Jaysus.

After reading through today's offerings, now I know why I hang out here as much as I do.

Makes me feel superior.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 02:05 AM

Janie:

That means its working. We are but vessels for perfection.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 08:48 AM

Which Amos has already filled. Mom is proud of him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 08:55 AM

Shame is also full of it, and in its own way it too is perfection.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 10:36 AM

I have a toothsome girl who does a great nose-crinkling smile, but she is so cool compared to that Shame. From my cell phone to twitpic. Cinnamon in her shades.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 11:41 AM

This thread is going to the dogs.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 12:02 PM

We wuz pushing for thirty-two of K
My messmates on the thread.
We were swollen up, and weak of eye,
And sore and weak of head.
But they handed out the shifting irons,
And the foreman he did say,
"Take out and swing this hammer, Jack,
For the thirty-two of K."

Now some of us took the handcar out
And scooted out ahead,
And some of us stood in that burning sun
And cussed the whole damn thread.
And some of starting shifting track,
And eyeing where it lay,
And moving rock and hammering shocks,
Toward the thirty-two of K.

We were up against a deep shale cut
In the hardest kind of soil.
And the hammers rang and the rounders sang
And the newbies reeled from toil.
And we cut a swath like Gawd's own path
Through that hard adobe clay.
And we doubted hard we would ever see
The thirty-two of K.

(Part II to follow)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 04:43 PM

Then Amos found some giant powder
Jist a-sittin' on a tray
And we were afraid, the way he tossed the keg
We'd be blown to thirty-two kay.

But he drilled a hole and rammed it full
Tamped the powder in without a stay
And blew the hardrock all to hell
On the way to thirty-two kay.

We mucked out the rock and mud and all
And before us a vista lay
Of shining mounts and shady vales
Downhill, in thirty-two kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 05:06 PM

Then its "Heist that gravel and bed 'er down!"
And "Tap 'er once and stay!"
And the hammers rang as the bright new steel
Lined up for another K.
Rapaire was there, with his chest all bare.
But the Hawk, he stayed away.
And the ties went hard down for every yard
We made toward another K.

Then the steel spikes sang, as the hammers rang
And we locked down another chain
And yard by yard, though the work was hard,
We built, and ne'er complained.
And Still was there, to offer care
When a hammer smashed a toe
And as it came on night, we saw it right,
Where we wuz, and had yet to go.

Come dawn anew, and the whole damn crew
Was there, though it cost them sore.
'Cuz we knew that day'd see us on the way
An' only a few days more.
We could feel it risin' past the dawn's horizon
As the sun clocked out the day;
Swing the hammer down! Sure as Gawd, we're bound
For the thirty-two of K.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 05:15 PM

What the heck are you people on about now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 05:33 PM

Then Shame McBride, with a might stride
Walked right off the cliffside way
Fell three thousand feet but landed neat
On the way to thirty-two kay.

He landed neat, but not on his feet
For his head got in the way
So he wasn't hurt by the rocks and dirt
On the way to thirty-two kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 05:58 PM

The pleasure is momentary,
The position ridiculous
And the expense damnable!

Earl of Chesterfield


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 05:58 PM

I like it


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 06:07 PM

"I wish I were
not sensual....
I wish I had not got from my mother,
Or my father was it,
This need to grasp and be grasped,
Because it drives me into the arms of idiots
Who want to crush me.
Wonderful, idiotic crushing in the night.
Can't you just
crush me in the night?"HOWARD BARKER



"It's a small apartment,
I've barely enough room
To lay my hat
And a few friends!" DOROTHY PARKER


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 06:10 PM

.... You want my advice? Oh, yes, please. Go back to Bulgaria.

Quote from CASABLANCA


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 06:36 PM

There was a hundred and ninety-eight to go,
And that's easy enough to say.
But lining them out in that red-hot sun
Is a different price to pay!
"Come and tap those keys!! Bring your Submit on!"
The Mother cussed, and yelled.
"New posts! New posts" and post we did,
For thrity-two kay, or hell.

All night athat night we sang that lay
As the moon danced through the trees.
Little Hawk even showed up once,
With strange scrapes on his knees.
And a coupla new guys came around,
'Round the middle of the day,
Cuz the din and the drive could not be stayed,
Bound for 32 of Kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 09:01 PM

And then we reached that distant shore
And we could not let it be
For in the distance glimmered bright
The kay of thirty-three!


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