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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 20 Mar 08 - 06:11 PM
Rapparee 20 Mar 08 - 05:36 PM
Acme 20 Mar 08 - 02:00 PM
Amos 20 Mar 08 - 01:33 PM
Rapparee 20 Mar 08 - 12:22 PM
Amos 20 Mar 08 - 10:56 AM
MMario 20 Mar 08 - 10:53 AM
Amos 20 Mar 08 - 10:34 AM
Acme 20 Mar 08 - 10:25 AM
Rapparee 20 Mar 08 - 09:39 AM
Amos 20 Mar 08 - 12:19 AM
Rapparee 19 Mar 08 - 09:09 PM
Little Hawk 19 Mar 08 - 08:22 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 08 - 05:33 PM
Little Hawk 19 Mar 08 - 01:46 PM
Rapparee 19 Mar 08 - 12:18 PM
Acme 19 Mar 08 - 10:16 AM
Rapparee 19 Mar 08 - 09:58 AM
Amos 19 Mar 08 - 09:57 AM
Amos 19 Mar 08 - 09:55 AM
MMario 19 Mar 08 - 08:41 AM
Rapparee 19 Mar 08 - 08:39 AM
Rapparee 19 Mar 08 - 08:38 AM
Rapparee 18 Mar 08 - 11:59 PM
Acme 18 Mar 08 - 09:06 PM
Little Hawk 18 Mar 08 - 06:33 PM
Amos 18 Mar 08 - 05:45 PM
GUEST,freds 18 Mar 08 - 05:25 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 08 - 02:42 PM
Amos 18 Mar 08 - 02:16 PM
Little Hawk 18 Mar 08 - 02:05 PM
Acme 18 Mar 08 - 01:43 PM
Little Hawk 18 Mar 08 - 01:36 PM
Amos 18 Mar 08 - 12:58 PM
Rapparee 18 Mar 08 - 11:31 AM
Amos 18 Mar 08 - 10:44 AM
Acme 18 Mar 08 - 10:27 AM
MMario 18 Mar 08 - 10:23 AM
Acme 18 Mar 08 - 10:16 AM
Amos 18 Mar 08 - 10:08 AM
Rapparee 18 Mar 08 - 09:08 AM
Little Hawk 17 Mar 08 - 09:25 PM
Rapparee 17 Mar 08 - 09:01 PM
Acme 17 Mar 08 - 07:33 PM
Amos 17 Mar 08 - 07:32 PM
Little Hawk 17 Mar 08 - 07:28 PM
Amos 17 Mar 08 - 07:21 PM
Rapparee 17 Mar 08 - 03:19 PM
Acme 17 Mar 08 - 01:49 PM
Amos 17 Mar 08 - 01:39 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 06:11 PM

So rational, so sensible, so free of delight. My life is now full of joy. It is not about need, silly -- it is about aesthetic, about interest, about joy, about living happy. And it's paid for and I can look forward to ten years of untroubled satisfaction thanks to the engineering brains at Toyota.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 05:36 PM

But you see, I don't need a Silverado or a Raving Four at this time. If I need to move something that won't fit in my car (and I've gotten some interesting things into it), I can use my wife's Element. Or, as before she had the Element and we had to move a dining room cabinet, rent the necessary vehicle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 02:00 PM

I could put your Honda Civic LX in the back of my Chevy Silverado 2000 extended cab pickup, but as long as I keep driving this vehicle I don't encourage the automakers to waste resources by mining and drilling and building more. If I bought a more energy efficient vehicle I'd be paying for less gas but also making monthly car payments (no wad of cash to pay it off all at once). It wouldn't save me anything.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I also have under 100,000 miles still.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 01:33 PM

LEt me just ask you one question. Do you ever feel like hugging your Honda, honestly?

The richness of detailed attention and care that goes into my Rav4 moves me. Last night I hugged it.

'Course, the honeymoon ain't over yet. If it starts nagging me to take out the trash, I'll know it's over...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 12:22 PM

I drive a 1999 Honda Civic LX. It has about 105,000 miles on it and has been well-maintained; I can get 30+ mpg on the highway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 10:56 AM

I dunno, MM -- as a private party, she sold it for the price agreed on. I will find out of there is a tax step when I go to register it this afternoon. I don't think there is for private party sales.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 10:53 AM

California allows that? The two states I've lkived in - you pay tax on the market value of the car regardless of who you bought it from or what you paid...

NY it's a sales tax (they get sales tax on autos every time it is sold) and in Mass is was an excise tax - yearly fee based on cars value


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 10:34 AM

PLUS I got it from a lass who is too small for it, and it has less than 9,000 miles on it, and I bought it for about 8 grand less than its new price, and no tax. Wooo. It is a puredee home run, I yam telling you. Bam!!! Yeeha!! I have been driving a fourc-ylinder Corolla s/w for ten years, over 200000 miles. I am just all stoked about my new (V6) car, which gets as good orbetter gas mileage.

Rapaire's analysis is also spot on, of course, but it applies to an alternate universe, kind of like those analysts who think Obama's stunning speech was about Wright. It was about right.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 10:25 AM

What do you drive, Rap?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 09:39 AM

Tsk, tsk. Yet another Southern Californian expressing his or her love, nay, lust for a car. I have no doubt that Amos spent the night running his hands over the car in the same way and with the same look in his eyes that he used to reserve for those humans he loved. He'll be taking the car out to "dinner" next, filling it with premium gasolines and putting bumper stickers on that say things like "My other car is a Klingon battle cruiser" and "They'll take my gun when they pry it from my cold dead hands." Before this stage is over he will have installed a gun rack and a CB radio and be hanging around truck stops and gun shows, talking about how he prefers the .308 over the 7.62 x 56 cartridge (even though they're the same damned thing) and listening to bad C&W music. Eventually, the last stages will set in and Amos will be wearing a "gimme cap" from John Deere or Caterpillar, chewing Red Man tobacco, and have a Marine Corps decal and an NRA decal in the corners of the back window.

So sad...immediate intervention is needed, but that usually leads to the fantasy by the intervenee that s/he is a surfer person and all that implies.

I urge either immediate euthanasia or immediate lobotomy, or perhaps in this case, both.

So, so sad....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Mar 08 - 12:19 AM

Mom!!!!   Mom!!!

I finally went out and got the car of my perfervid little dreams!! It's

B Y O O O T I F U L!!!!!




It's a 2007 Rav4 Limited. It turns on its interior lights for you when you open the door. It lets you make phone calls from the steering wheel as well as control the audio -- ay of 6 CDs or the raddieaux. It has leather seats that whirr around when you push something. It has electric seat warmers. It has headlights and a horn and a v^ engine full of pizazzz and it glistens like silver. It is ROOMY but graceful and stylish yet useful.

I yam in love with my car!!! I am so thrilled I could just vibrate into bits.

My 1994 station wagon is taking its 200,000 mile odometer to the KPBS Olde Car's Home tomorrow.

Yayyyyyy!!! VROOOOOOOOMMMM!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 09:09 PM

I'm certain they'll recognize your good taste...especially if you dowse yourself in barbecue sauce.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 08:22 PM

Seriously???

If that is the case, I must apologize to freds profusely for that gross mischaraterization.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 05:33 PM

I checked back and it was the Ralphs, not freds, who said, "Har."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 01:46 PM

So I see that freds is finally back after a long absence. Har. Big frikkin' deal. Har. I was already sick of freds a long time ago. Har. I would rather hear from lizards, frankly. Har. Freds are annoying because they keep saying "Har" all the time. Har. Go away, freds.


Har!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 12:18 PM

I kinda wish I knew what the point of the freds actually was. Eat, drink, reproduce, and sleep? The late "Shane" tried to do that and succeeded in three out of four.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 10:16 AM

I thought the point of the Freds diet was to remove bloated figures from out midst. Doesn't that list qualify?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 09:58 AM

Thank you, Amos. I'm just full of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 09:57 AM

COngratulations on the head to MMario for posting 22,700.

Congratulations to Rapaire for his noble self-restraint.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 09:55 AM

He's thinking of those politicians as soft-shelled clams, obviously.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 08:41 AM

Why?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 08:39 AM

Let's see who's grabby and shellfish.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 08 - 08:38 AM

Well, hell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 11:59 PM

I dunno...Cheney might be too tough, the Rice might be spoiled, and Scalia and Thomas too over-ripe even for freds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 09:06 PM

Freds:

Please add a few protein nuggets to your list:

Dick Cheney
Condoleezza Rice
Antonin Scalia
Clarence Thomas

and that idiot
Lynndie England, who told a German newspaper this week that "I guess after the picture came out the insurgency picked up and Iraqis attacked the Americans and the British and they attacked in return and they were just killing each other. I felt bad about it ... no, I felt pissed off. If the media hadn't exposed the pictures to that extent, then thousands of lives would have been saved."

She clearly hasn't gotten it yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 06:33 PM

Thanks for that great poem, Amos. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 05:45 PM

Male Eliot Spitzer (Adequate, according to witness reports)

Female Hillary Clinton (Scrawny and tough but it would get you through an emergency at 3 AM)

Male George W. Bush (Perfect Freds Food on a bun. Fat, self-satisfied, short-sighted and dumber than a post)

Male Michael Huckabee (See George Bush, only a bit more tender in the feet)

Male Barack Obama (Don't go there -- your civilization would be forfeit)

Female Nancy Pelosi (Has her soft areas)

Unknown Boy George (Pure protein for freds)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 05:25 PM

Is the protein of the following nourishing?

Male Eliot Spitzer
Female Hillary Clinton
Male George W. Bush
Male Michael Huckabee
Male Barack Obama
Female Nancy Pelosi
Unknown Boy George

Thank you for your assistance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 02:42 PM

1.   A security assessment of the Library was performed on March 4 by the PPD.

2.   Syed F. Hashim, an environmental facilities specialist at ISU, is coming on March 19 to evaluate the Library and recommend ways to improve energy use.

3.   The Library's radio show premieres April 14 at 6 p.m. on KISU-FM (91.9). The show will feature an interview with author Terry Tempest Williams.

4.   Two staff members will be attending the Computers In Libraries Conference in Crystal City, VA April 6 through 10.

5.   Three staff members attended a demonstration of TLC's integrated library systems (Carl X and Indigo) at EITC on March 11.

6.   In the wake of the AMIS layoffs, displays and brochures on job hunting are planned and should be out by this Friday.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 02:16 PM

Ole LH had a weiner dog
But he quickly had to hide her
The night the doorbell rang, and there
Was fair Winona Ryder.

I hear you have a weiner dog,
the starlet said, quite shyly.
ANd I've been told, with one of them,
A gal can ride quite highly!

Ole Little Hawk was lost for words
He was dumber than a guppy!
To think his vision had arrived
And was asking for his puppy!!

"Oh, no," he said, "But please come in!
My dog's an Irish Setter!
But I may have the very thing
To satisfy you better!"

....


(THe balance of this moderne version of an ancient Childe ballad is left for the ingenuity of the student to imagine.)



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 02:05 PM

Yes, I thought "The Age of Innocence" was a great film all around. Daniel Day-Lewis is always marvelous in whatever part he plays, and everyone else in it was excellent as well. Winona, for a change, played a young woman in that one who at least seemed not to be terribly smart, but she turned out in the longrun to be smarter than people might have suspected.

She's very good for roles in such movies (period pieces set in the 1800s or 1700s or some such time period). She has the right look for it.

The think I like about Winona is that she has almost always been cast in offbeat movies, usually with pretty intelligent scripts, and she has usually played rather complex characters. She has not followed the typical Hollywood starlet route at all in her career (quite aside from that unfortunate shoplifting incident).

Winona is a very interesting character, more by far than just a pretty face. I am attracted to intelligence and complexity in women, plus subtlety. I like a kind of inner strength that isn't blatantly overt or aggressive in presenting itself....but it's definitely there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 01:43 PM

Did you like her in The Age of Innocence? I saw that play recently on a cable channel. I'd forgotten she was in that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 01:36 PM

If you think I have an unhealthy interest in wiener dogs, Mario, you should imagine what I'm like about Winona Ryder...

Although, my interest in her is, of course, quite normal...if a tad unrealistic...so perhaps "unhealthy" is not exactly the right word for it.

It's her eyes that really get me. And her cheekbones. And the way she talks. And...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 12:58 PM

USing "reality" as an excuse not to write BS? Justt post the report here -- it'll qualify...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 11:31 AM

I would post here but I have to write a report for the Executive Staff meeting that will start at 10:30.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 10:44 AM

When I was a boy, and old Franz was a pup
He'd get lost underneath the divan.
But as the years passed, he got too big for that,
And me, I grew into a man.

Although he grew larger, he never grew tall
HE was just a kielbasa in height
And the low style of life has caused him much stress
And left him with something not right.

Old Franz is neurotic, he yips and he yaps
And he growls when there's nothing about,
And he's never sure whether to stay in your lap,
Come in (if he's out) or go out...


Elvirium Presqu' Vrai

Me and My Weiner

Cantilevered Realities, Inc., Montreal, 2001


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 10:27 AM

I have the standard variety, with the full-measure of leg involved. They're taller than a coffee table, not meant to run under the sofa to retrieve dust kittens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 10:23 AM

LH sometimes seems to exhibit what many people would consider - errr - shall we say; an "unhealthy" interest in his wiener-dawgs


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 10:16 AM

And what's wrong with dawgs? I got two of 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 10:08 AM

Oh, Mom. LIttle Hawk is on about his dawgs again....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Mar 08 - 09:08 AM

When I was a boy and ol' Shep was a pup
If I didn't keep feedin' him he'd never shut up
He was finally so heavy he broke through the floor
And we spent a bunch for a new basement door.
                   --Sung by Sheep Woolly, 1948


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 09:25 PM

"That dirty old egg-suckin' dawgggg!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 09:01 PM

Had an old dog and his name was Blue
Had an old dog and his name was Blue
Had an old dog and his name was Blue
Betcha five dollars he's a long dog too....

When old Blue died he died so hard
Took up all the ground in my back yard.
When I git to heaven first thing I'll do
Is look for lazy and there'll be Blue.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 07:33 PM

The Google ads seem a little addled right now. They are for "Would Jesus Keep Easter" and "Anesthesia."

Paging Karl Marx. . . Paging Karl Marx . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 07:32 PM

You can lead a long dog to be mustard but you can't make him a weiner.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 07:28 PM

You can lead a dachshund to the gymnasium, but you can't make him work out.

Well, not these ones anyway. They are beyond lazy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 07:21 PM

Leading a horticulture will bring about sensemilla from absinthe.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 03:19 PM

Absinthe brings absence of sense.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 01:49 PM

;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 08 - 01:39 PM

Add one ounce of pot to an early Spring morning at a boring high school. Inthtant Abthenthe.


A


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