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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 13 Feb 10 - 01:19 PM
Acme 13 Feb 10 - 01:36 PM
Little Hawk 13 Feb 10 - 02:33 PM
Amos 13 Feb 10 - 03:12 PM
Rapparee 13 Feb 10 - 06:06 PM
Acme 14 Feb 10 - 01:41 AM
Little Hawk 14 Feb 10 - 03:41 AM
Rapparee 14 Feb 10 - 09:22 AM
Little Hawk 14 Feb 10 - 09:33 AM
Acme 14 Feb 10 - 10:29 AM
Little Hawk 14 Feb 10 - 11:07 AM
Rapparee 14 Feb 10 - 11:56 AM
Amos 14 Feb 10 - 02:12 PM
Acme 14 Feb 10 - 03:20 PM
Little Hawk 14 Feb 10 - 04:21 PM
Amos 14 Feb 10 - 07:10 PM
Rapparee 14 Feb 10 - 10:33 PM
Little Hawk 14 Feb 10 - 11:07 PM
Acme 15 Feb 10 - 01:43 AM
Amos 15 Feb 10 - 12:20 PM
Rapparee 15 Feb 10 - 06:22 PM
Amos 15 Feb 10 - 07:55 PM
Rapparee 15 Feb 10 - 10:48 PM
Amos 15 Feb 10 - 11:21 PM
Amos 16 Feb 10 - 09:17 AM
Rapparee 16 Feb 10 - 11:44 AM
Rapparee 16 Feb 10 - 11:44 AM
Amos 16 Feb 10 - 12:15 PM
Rapparee 16 Feb 10 - 01:23 PM
Amos 16 Feb 10 - 01:32 PM
Little Hawk 16 Feb 10 - 01:46 PM
Rapparee 16 Feb 10 - 02:06 PM
Amos 16 Feb 10 - 02:33 PM
Rapparee 16 Feb 10 - 02:44 PM
Amos 16 Feb 10 - 03:09 PM
Little Hawk 16 Feb 10 - 03:19 PM
Acme 16 Feb 10 - 03:27 PM
Amos 16 Feb 10 - 03:28 PM
Little Hawk 16 Feb 10 - 04:26 PM
Rapparee 16 Feb 10 - 05:50 PM
Amos 16 Feb 10 - 06:23 PM
Little Hawk 16 Feb 10 - 06:35 PM
Acme 16 Feb 10 - 07:19 PM
Rapparee 16 Feb 10 - 10:04 PM
Acme 16 Feb 10 - 10:33 PM
Janie 16 Feb 10 - 10:44 PM
Janie 16 Feb 10 - 11:02 PM
Amos 16 Feb 10 - 11:02 PM
Amos 17 Feb 10 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 17 Feb 10 - 10:13 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 01:19 PM

Please.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 01:36 PM

Will that make Janie feel any better?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 02:33 PM

With a little training, you could become a Mormon elder if you do, Rapaire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 03:12 PM

I'm going to Salt Lake, woman.
Sorry but I can't take you.
Yes, I'm going to Salt Lake City,
Girl. I'm sorry but I can't take you.
Them Mormons marry anybody
And I can't stand the risk of losing you.


Oh, I'm going to Salt Lake,
Say baby don't you want to go?
I am going to Salt Lake City,
Say, babe doncha wanna go?
We can hide out in the temple,
Or go outside and wade through the snow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 10 - 06:06 PM

Or thrash about in the swimmin' pool
Or bench press sixty-eightyteen
Or tomorrow pick up my wife
At airyport at eleven-fifteen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 01:41 AM

Airports have been seriously low on viable flights lately. They'll be glad to have Pat's business.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 03:41 AM

I shouldn't wonder. With all the "War on Terror" hysteria and security complications, it has become anything but enjoyable to fly anywhere (assuming it ever was).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 09:22 AM

Flying is the only activity where I feel more secure BEFORE going through Security. In fact, I can think of too many things that can be done before you through security to believe that "Security" actually works. The only reason I fly is because a) Amtrak don't come here anymore and, b) it beats walking or driving.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 09:33 AM

It's impossible to make something like air travel completely secure. The way for a nation to attain a sensible level of security is for its government to leave other nations alone...not invade and ruthlessly exploit them...etc.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 10:29 AM

That's true, Little Hawk, though the conditions surrounding low airport usage lately have been snow, not terror.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 11:07 AM

Yes...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 11:56 AM

As long as Southwest flight 414 lands here in an hour and twenty minutes I don't really give a damn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 02:12 PM

Mom, I ache all over. Even my sore muscles have sore muscles. I have been swinging from ladders and hauling paint cans and going up and down in defiance of gravity in order to re-oil the custom-designed hand-built suncover on the patio. It's mostly teak and redwood, and a coat of oil every four years or so makes it pretty much bullet proof. But boy, waht a pain in the ass to do it!!   I can see why some people throw up their hands and put in ugly vinyl patio covers. Oy, to be thirty again!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 03:20 PM

You could hire some young whippersnapper to come do it for you. Probably cheaper than vinyl.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 04:21 PM

Chongo knows a crew who will work for bananas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 07:10 PM

Next time, it will be a bunch of rubbery teenage lads running up and down and I will sit in the corner of the yard and give orders while supping a Martini and smoking a hookah, like the Caterpillar.

I am reminded of the "when I am old I shall wear purple" poem.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 10:33 PM

When I am old
And oh! so wrinkled
I will strip naked
Paint myself purple
And run through the streets
Shouting "WOOGAH! WOOGAH! WOOGAH!"

Is that the poem you mean, Amos? 'Cause I just writ it down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 11:07 PM

That's sort of what the Britons did when they wanted to scare the Romans. ;-) But they didn't wait till they were old.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 01:43 AM

Of course we all know that this was borrowed and modified by several folks, but here is Lewis Carroll's adaptation:


"You are old, Father William," the young man said,
"And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head?
Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,
"I feared it might injure the brain;
But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "As I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door?
Pray, what is the reason of that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
"I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment?one shilling the box?
Allow me to sell you a couple?"

"You are old," said the youth, "And your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak?
Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose?
What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
Said his father; "don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 12:20 PM

Momma, momma, drinkin' wine,
Momma fell below the line
Drifting down, she must confess
Toward the bottom of BS.
Momma, momma, once again
Momma needs some aspirehn,
Make that slip nd sliding stop,
Send our Mom back to the top!
Momma, momma. drinkin' wine,
Best damn thread below the line.

(From a playground chant recorded at the Mennawhatee Junior Grades school in central BS county.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 06:22 PM

Well, Norbert, you let her slip again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 07:55 PM

I wrote a whole Father William poem all about Rapaire and his delusory personifications, but it was eaten by a feral mudcat before it got to the thread.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 10:48 PM

"You are old, Father Amos," young Rapaire said,
"And your hair is exceedingly sparse,
But you tear out madly in chunks and in beds,
And replace it with pieces of gorse."

"In my youth," quoth the Old Man, "that I never would do
For I knew it would injure my pate
But now I settle on with strong glue
And hope that the fumes will abate."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 11:21 PM

I am sorry, Rapaire, but your poetic effort makes no sense. P'raps you should go to England and study with Walkaboutsverse.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 09:17 AM

LOVE

As soon go kindle fire with snow,
as seek to quench the fire of love with words.

             William Shakespeare


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 11:44 AM

NO SENSE!?!?!?!

There are hidden meaning within hidden meanings! You, sirrah, are a mere Philistine, a bourgeois with pretensions to literacy, a sounding gong, a mere speck in the eye of Posey, naught but an all-encompassing Dunciad in one person. Go to, go to, varlet and scullion, and learn to read the words of your betters!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 11:44 AM

Why is it that we can have "our betters" but not "our worsers"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 12:15 PM

Worsers. indeed! I have mine, sir, and am proud to count you among them. Your rabid furies are but a lady's tempest, full of fevers and vapours, signifying nothing. Go, book your flight to Blighty and sit at the feet of Walksabout.

And the word you are looking for is lessers.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 01:23 PM

"Less", as any educated person would know, refers to the quantity of a quality or thing: "We had less snow this winter than last" or "He is far less intelligent than he thinks he is." "Few" refers to quantity: "I have never before see so few people at a funeral -- not even the corpse showed up" or "Fewer than one in a million play a zither in B#."

Therefore, "lesser" can hardly be the opposite of "better" (although I give you credit for using the comparative).

Good -> bad
Better -> worse
Best -> worst

"He was a bad man, worse than Billy the Kid, the worst man I ever met." Compare that to "He was a bad man, lesser than Billy the Kid, the worst man I ever met."

No, the correct term would be "worser".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 01:32 PM

See, you have no sense of context and are being obstreperously narrow-minded. The context here was defined by youe reference to viewing others as your social betters--a wise impulse on your part,, BTW.

However, you correctly point out that we have no tradition of referring to people as our "worsers".

The rigid small-minded recitations of grammar which you emulate are a recent invention. In the nineteenth century, it was not uncommon to refer to those of lower social ordinates as one's "lessers".

'lesser - a thing that is of smaller size, value, importance etc; Comparative form of little: more little; of two things, the smaller in size, value, importance etc."

en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Lesser


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 01:46 PM

Now, gentlemen...don't go getting all boring and dryly intellectual on us at this fine point in your ongoing spat. I was hoping you might soon be progressing to shoving the other fellow's shoulder back, treading on his toe "accidentally", giving him the old "nose-twist between the fingers" Three Stooge's style, taping a "kick me" sign on his back when he isn't watching...that sort of thing. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 02:06 PM

I greatly prefer the Code Duello. Swords or pistols, it matters not to me. Amos can bring his Dragoon saber or Lemat revolver and shoot at me or slice away and I shall do the same.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 02:33 PM

If you are going to do the same--slice and shoot at yourself any which way--then I will wisely refrain, since you will be saving me a great deal of trouble. This way, you won't have to learn where the field of honor is.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 02:44 PM

I forgot to mention that you will do this in your backyard and I will do likewise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 03:09 PM

You kindly confirm my suspicions, good Manne of Bookes. I simply do not know what we would do without you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 03:19 PM

It is hard to imagine that, isn't it? ;-) I am now envisioning the two of you progressing to rolling around wrestling in the dirt, pulling each other's hair, punching each other's noses, delivering a flurry of not-too-accurate additional punches, slaps, and kicks to various parts of each other's anatomy, and generally covering yourselves in martial glory...rather like a couple of school boys in Mark Twain's "Tom Sawyer".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 03:27 PM

Oy. Who has time for duelling, with all of this paperwork?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 03:28 PM

You would be more suited to this engagement than I, sir---your condescending imagination is completely compatible with Libraryman's solipsistic and patronizing attitude. You could have a glare-fight, looking down your noses at each other until one or the other of you crumples....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 04:26 PM

Oh, I like that... ;-) A glare-fight. Lovely! How about a lengthy session of name-calling and contemptuous gestures, such as thumbing the nose and sticking one's tongue out and wiggling it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 05:50 PM

That is to say, each in our own backyard. Done otherwise someone might be injured.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 06:23 PM

Your kind considerations are beyond description, sir!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 06:35 PM

A rapid volley of "Nyaa! Nyaa! Nyaa!" can be quite devastating.

And there's the brilliant retort to your opponent's last insult, "I know you are, but what am I?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 07:19 PM

I think you guys should head to Dallas and see if you can't help them figure out how gorillas keep escaping from their enclosures. With all of your experience turning it up with Chongo, it's an easy step up to the mental workings of a gorilla.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 10:04 PM

Two in SIX YEARS!?!? Hell, the jail in American Falls can get that many in one day!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 10:33 PM

There is an Amazon advertisement in our thread! What is Max thinking?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 10:44 PM

Ta Da!



this ain't BS. It is spam.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 11:02 PM

Yeh, I've been noticing the "in your face" adverts tonight.

"sigh" Guess I get what I pay for.

Ma, soo-boo-ree is oozing oil out of a number of seals and gaskets. Apparently to be expected from a used engine that sat on a shelf or in a junkyard for several years, then got put into another car and used again. Gotta drive to West-by-God-Virginia tomorrow to have seals replaced as that is where the warranty is good.   Get to enjoy the awd on the way, as it has been snowing in the mountains for 2 days, and will continue tomorrow.

So happens true Ma's birthdate is coming up and Sis bought tickets for a Harry Connick Jr. concert for a present, and now can't come and so happens I will be there in her stead.

I expect to return as mellow as ketchup from the experience.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 11:02 PM

I'm going out to Dallas
Gonna turn a brand new page.
Going out to Dallas,
Turnin' a brand new page.
Gonna round up stray gorillas, baby,
And put them all back in their cage...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 10 - 09:28 AM

EVERYBODY SING!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 10 - 10:13 AM

Kumbaya, my lord, kumbaya,
Kumbaya, my lord, kumbaya,
Kumbaya, my lord, kumbaya
Oh lord, kumbaya.

River Styx is chily and cold,
Kumbaya
Chills the soul and fries the bod,
Oh lord, kumbaya.
At a thousand degrees below zero
He buttoned up his vest.
Oh lord, kumbaya.
At the jam at Gerry's Rock
We never took that whale me boys,
We never took that whale.
Oh lord, kumbaya.

Okay, Amos, I'm done singing for now. Let me know when you want me to continue.


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