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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 09 Feb 08 - 06:24 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 06:18 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 06:11 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 06:07 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 03:49 PM
Acme 09 Feb 08 - 03:20 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 12:22 PM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 11:17 AM
GUEST,Rustic 09 Feb 08 - 11:08 AM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 10:57 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 10:21 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM
Janie 09 Feb 08 - 10:13 AM
Amos 09 Feb 08 - 09:46 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 08:51 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 08 - 08:44 AM
Janie 09 Feb 08 - 01:47 AM
Acme 09 Feb 08 - 01:05 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 10:35 PM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 07:47 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 04:33 PM
Acme 08 Feb 08 - 03:59 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 03:54 PM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 01:04 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 11:32 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 11:24 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 11:04 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 10:55 AM
Acme 08 Feb 08 - 10:41 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 10:24 AM
MMario 08 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 10:07 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 08 - 08:41 AM
Amos 08 Feb 08 - 08:31 AM
MMario 08 Feb 08 - 08:18 AM
Acme 08 Feb 08 - 12:34 AM
Amos 07 Feb 08 - 11:27 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 08 - 10:30 PM
Amos 07 Feb 08 - 07:19 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 08 - 07:01 PM
Amos 07 Feb 08 - 04:51 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 08 - 04:47 PM
Amos 07 Feb 08 - 02:47 PM
Rapparee 07 Feb 08 - 02:41 PM
Amos 07 Feb 08 - 02:34 PM
Amos 07 Feb 08 - 09:36 AM
Rapparee 07 Feb 08 - 09:30 AM
Amos 06 Feb 08 - 11:26 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 08 - 11:16 PM
Amos 06 Feb 08 - 10:34 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 06:24 PM

There you go again, au gratin on my nerves. And I know you'll rationalize it by saying you were just doing your Doodle.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 06:18 PM

Thanks, but I don't like cheese in my steambath. It melts all over everything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 06:11 PM

Jeeze, come down and borrow a couple of degrees and you-all can have a steambath gratis!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 06:07 PM

It is 37F and the snow is melting.

Good.

Now folks are getting worried about flooding. Just can't please nobody these days.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 03:49 PM

YEah, we're just bathing in the stuff around here. My neighbor is up on his roof replacing some trim molding and keeps complaining because the shingles have gotten so warm to the touch.

Don't tell anyone from the Nawth I said so though. It upsets 'em some.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 03:20 PM

Mom, I'm not ignoring you or Rustic or Janie. Sometimes I do ignore the others. But my router died (again. . . ) and I have the DSL modem hooked directly to the computer for the time being. My fire wall keeps stopping attempts by random computers who want to transfer data to me via an obscure port. Not bloody likely! I'll replace the router tonight and then we can have a leisurely brunch tomorrow.

It's a pretty day out, go sit on the porch, get a little sunshine!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 12:22 PM

An acidic old harlot named Gigi
Was playing, one day, with a squeegee,
At ninety degrees,
She got so very pleased,
That her squeals were detected in Fiji!!

Alyson MacDermis
Ballads from the Thin-Skin Trade
Honore and Offer, eds.
Birmingham, 1959


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 11:17 AM

I/we are no fred, beloved occasional visitor. I/we am cosmic AND ex-Mensa and many other things/aspects-of-being, but fred has never passed my lips. I miss you, when you are away. Stay home and write some poetry, naked int he green glow of an ancient, warm, CRT.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rustic
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 11:08 AM

You Amos a member of Mensa?
That would be the 'Constellation Mensa' surely. I feel I have finally unveiled a 'fred'.

Hi all! I was on my way to search once again for the North-decoder rings (winter blues fest today in Fargo) but alas I recieved a message that roads were being shut down because of blizzard conditions. I'm sad to report I can now only assume freds will forever be protected from their identity unless folks like Amos start fessing up to their real descend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 10:57 AM

Janie:

Can't you sue them for administrative discrimination, numbersism, or something like that?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 10:21 AM

I don't doubt it. The processors are all members of Mensa.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM

So did my brother. He found the membership to be arrogant and totally convinced of their own importance, incapable of understanding a joke, and generally both elitist and conceited. After the first and only meeting he attended he remarked to me that "A mind is a terrible thing to waste on Mensa."

And so I never bothered to apply, even though I was assured that I'd be accepted for membership. Now we both go through life astounding people with our brilliance, wit, and cogent insights -- although he'd probably get a bit more attention if he wore shoes, a tee shirt with his bib overalls, and stopped chewing tobacco and spitting into that old Budweiser can he carries around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 10:13 AM

Did you know that your application to enroll as a Medicaid provider in North Carolina will be rejected if you leave off the + four of your zip code?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 09:46 AM

Truth is, it doesn't take a lot to become a member of Mensa, and many who do are really boring. They would divide the post count on MOAB by the word count and hand you the inverse ratio in am illisecond, but they would have no idea how to begin creating an appropriate post for MOAB. I've been a member twice, and washed y hands of it on both occasions.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:51 AM

Did I ever mention the time my brother dressed up as a Christmas tree?

It was July, and he was about six years old. It was blazing hot, and he was wearing only his underwear when he found the Christmas decorations. He decked his halls (note the "h") with tinsel and garlands and...angel hair. Spun glass. Then he went down to show our mother.

If you think fiberglass particles are bad when you're fulled clothed, let me assure you that he will assure you that they are nothing compared to being decked out from head to toe in spun glass when you're all but
naked. Mother was quite put out with him and as he started to itch he understood.

For a guy who later became a member of Mensa he didn't demonstrate a lot of intelligence as a child.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 08:44 AM

Janie, that's close enough. In fact, it's about as close as it ever gets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 01:47 AM

Hi Mom,

Just popping in for a minute. Was looking for a break from three nights trying to do what needs done to enroll as a provider for Medicaid and assorted insurances. But been from home so long, I'm as lost here as I was in the stacks of applications, certifications and confusing websites.

No. Wait. I think I can sum up what I've missed, at least over the past few days. Some one at the Legion Hall urinated at Rap's keyboard while Amos was in the attic getting fiberglass down the back of his underwear and he was in the attic cuz Mmario set ululating wolves on him, then Rap started speaking in tongues and Maggie wrote a program to get everybody straightened out then, being the wise woman she is, gave up and took a walk to clear her head, only she wound up at the Legion Hall and he dogs started ululating, or maybe Amos was the ululant, what with the fiberglass in his underwear and all, and maggie was knitting the family shield and dropped some stitches while working on the argent and Leo said nevermind, then like a good fairy or a bewildered space traveller, Suegorgeous apparated in and gave Mmario a nice cup of tea while fixing Rap's posting iron, whatever that is.

OK! Good. Glad I've got it all straight and am right on the same page with the rest of yous.

Mom, send money.

Love,

Janie

Love to all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 01:05 AM

Back in the 1980s when we were poor and living in a small town my (now) ex used to hang out in the local mall Waldenbooks and read the passages in various in the books for some hobby or other he needed but couldn't afford. I told him that if Waldenbooks caught on they'd put in a subway-style turnstile and charge him 25 cents every time he entered the store. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:35 PM

And don't forget that wonderful book, "Seduction of the Innocent." It really told the whole truth about comic books.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 07:47 PM

Oh, no, Mag. They didn't start that silly "seal 'em in plastic" business until the early 60's pr sp,. as I recall. These were simpler, more real times. The Graduate hadn't even been released yet. Toys were mostly wood and metal, still, but plastic ones were coming out.

And the reason you had to worry about how to was going to turn out is they would often leave the story hanging until next month's issues.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 04:33 PM

That was before comics became collectibles. Had a friend in college who collected them; he'd bring them in for us to read before he sealed 'em up. He had the first Silver Surfer, the first Hulk....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 03:59 PM

I guess they must have been sealed in plastic or you'd have read the story in the store and gotten your answer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 03:54 PM

I remember those days well. We rarely had dimes for comic books (and my mother did believe in censorship!) so we bought a bottle of Pepsi and read them at the grocery store. That way we could buy the Pepsi for a dime and read comics for three hours or until the store owners got tired of us blocking the onions and asked us to leave. We would, quietly and politely, because we appreciated being able to come back and read more comics later.

Ah, those bygone, innocent days of my youth. The days when all you had to worry about was whether Superman could evade Luthor's kryptonite trap or whether Wonder Woman would fall out of her top when she flung her golden lasso from the invisible plane (her assumed name was Diana Prince and she was in the WACs).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 01:04 PM

No problem. My, that is a very lovely portrait indeed.

Reminds me of the innocent days of my childhood, before the mroalists started damping down the comics business, when blood and gore and monsters and buxom lasses were all vividly shown in comic books you could buy for a dime.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 11:32 AM

I most humbly beg your pardon, good Amos. For a brief moment I was channeling Sergeant Rock of Easy Company, a chap I knew when I was a Chaplain's Assistant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 11:24 AM

Sir,

Your unseemly tone and barbaric nomenclature render your posts unattractive and susceptible of absolute rejection by any reader foolish enough to investigate them. I suggest you return to the Emily Post Academy of Basic Human Manners for re-orientation.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 11:04 AM

Ya want to crawl, maggot? Try some real crawling!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:55 AM

I suggest belly-crawling through small attic spaces laden with old fiberglass fill, balancing on the rafters. Excellent exercise.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:41 AM

Surplus - as in, having too much of something? The only surplus I have in surplus is calories on my backside--gotta get out this next mowing season and walk off that last 15 pounds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:24 AM

Man, the day will come. It may be 100 years a-coming but wage slavery will pass, and a new age will begin, the age of loafing on the surplus.


Hallelujah.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM

and very few have ever cared about the wage slaves.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:07 AM

We fought hard to free those held as slaves on the old plantations, many years back.

But what about those of us who struggle on as slaves OF the plantation? Is voluntary slavery actionable the same as involuntary?

We have white slave traffic, sex slave traffic, and child slave traffic, but no one cares about the house slaves.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 08:41 AM

I have to come home around noon because the cleaners are coming. And Pat'll be home on the 12th, so I gotta at least get the empty whiskey bottles and cigar butts out. Better get the girls a-movin', too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 08:31 AM

Morning, Ms AB!!! I finished crawling through the overheads breathing fiberglass and got the control leads from the thermostat re-routed like you asked. The new thermostat looks much nicer in the hall than the old one did right plonk in the entranceway. And I got the re-plastering of the old holes done. The planting soil is in, and the new transplant buckets are out back. It's a good thing I get to go to work today so I can rest up some.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 08:18 AM

Mornin' Mom! Have a nice cup of Cranberry Apple Zinger tea. And one of these fresh baked scones. Shall I fluff your pillows?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 12:34 AM

Wow! If she actually read MOAB from the top--then she has a fast connection, and she's a speed reader!

I wonder if she just skimmed? I hope she read my favorite story, about BWL's encounter with the guy and the lost dogs. I bet that slowed her down a little, cleaning the coke or ice tea off of her screen or keyboard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 11:27 PM

I hope it wasn't Anny Manne's. Her brother Every hasn't head.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 10:30 PM

I once had to take a boat to a funeral while the churchbells rang. It was a toll rowed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 07:19 PM

Well, half-baked, anyway. But your not yet an Island, replete unto thine self,   and the bells that toll toll for thee as much as for Anye Manne.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 07:01 PM

Well, so much for that. I'm Dunne.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 04:51 PM

BReath-taking, Sir. I commend you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 04:47 PM

Ancient Bee-Dub Prophecy'd long since,
That in fair MOAB should Reign a mighty Prince,
Born for a Scourge of Wit, and Flaile of Sence;
To whom true Dulness should some Psyche's owe,
But Worlds of Misers from his Pen should flow:
Now Empress Fame had Publish'd the Renown
Of Amos's Coronation through the Town;
Rous'd by report of Pomp, the Nations meet
From near Bunhill, to distant Watling street;
No Persian Carpet spread th'Imperial way,
But scattered Limbs of Mangled Poets lay;
From Dusty Shops neglected Authors come,
Martyrs of Pies, and Reliques of the Bum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 02:47 PM

Wow. You must be having a really quiet, not to say sullen, sort of day!!


Glad you got your master switch back, anyway!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 02:41 PM

How sublime! Seldom if ever have I read such doggerel or been lifted to such heights by such poesy! From here on my life will be a downhill skid to grave, for none can touch Rhymemaster Amos in versification.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 02:34 PM

Ain't it heaven?

Ain't it nifty?

21947

Soon to be 950!

After nine-fifty, then,

Rock and roll and sway

Onward to the drumbeat of

The Twenty Two of K!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 09:36 AM

Ah, monsieur -- you have shifted dimensions on me, you wily shape-shifter, you. I was referring to the tiny little whip with which you usually fill your hands. Not its CALIBRE!! I guess for uniform terminology I might have called it your .20.   Or your ".pencil".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Feb 08 - 09:30 AM

No, no, Amos. I have a couple .30 calibers and even a .54 caliber (but it's not finished yet). But a 6 incher? That'd be a cannon and my wife won't let me have a full-sized cannon (yet). I asked for a 36 pounder naval gun for my birthday but she just laughed. I even promised not to load it with anything except blanks most of the time and she still laughed. I promised not to use hot shot, bar shot, chain shot or even grape shot -- just blanks and once in a while plain old cannonballs, but no, she still wouldn't let me have one. Sometimes she just spoils all my fun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 11:26 PM

Well, you should put one of them in each hand, just to give the six-incher a break.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 11:16 PM

Should I snap my six foot or my ten foot bull whip? Or have one in each hand? I wanna be a real whippersnapper, so please let me know.

Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 08 - 10:34 PM

No, no! SueG is a rarity, a wonder, a True Aspirant to the Mantel of Genuine BS!!!

How else to explain it? Watch -- if she dares start getting creative on this thread she will become one of the brightest lights on the MOAB. MARK my words, you whippersnappers!!


A


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