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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 02 Dec 07 - 07:01 PM
Acme 02 Dec 07 - 12:08 PM
Amos 02 Dec 07 - 08:34 AM
Amos 01 Dec 07 - 11:21 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 07 - 05:56 PM
Amos 01 Dec 07 - 03:57 PM
Amos 01 Dec 07 - 03:41 PM
Rapparee 01 Dec 07 - 03:24 PM
Amos 01 Dec 07 - 02:37 PM
Acme 01 Dec 07 - 11:49 AM
Amos 01 Dec 07 - 09:41 AM
Rapparee 01 Dec 07 - 09:24 AM
Amos 01 Dec 07 - 09:20 AM
Rapparee 01 Dec 07 - 09:09 AM
Amos 01 Dec 07 - 05:57 AM
Janie 30 Nov 07 - 11:30 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 09:46 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 09:41 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 09:38 PM
Janie 30 Nov 07 - 09:37 PM
Janie 30 Nov 07 - 09:34 PM
Janie 30 Nov 07 - 09:29 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 08:02 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 07:46 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 07:11 PM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 07 - 06:28 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 06:11 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 06:05 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 03:57 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 03:35 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 03:28 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 02:45 PM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 07 - 02:23 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 02:05 PM
beardedbruce 30 Nov 07 - 01:41 PM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 12:19 PM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 11:46 AM
Amos 30 Nov 07 - 11:21 AM
Rapparee 30 Nov 07 - 09:13 AM
Little Hawk 30 Nov 07 - 12:26 AM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 11:44 PM
Janie 29 Nov 07 - 11:39 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 11:38 PM
Rapparee 29 Nov 07 - 11:25 PM
Janie 29 Nov 07 - 11:01 PM
Janie 29 Nov 07 - 10:56 PM
Janie 29 Nov 07 - 10:55 PM
Acme 29 Nov 07 - 09:20 PM
Little Hawk 29 Nov 07 - 09:03 PM
Amos 29 Nov 07 - 08:59 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 07:01 PM

Looks like it's just me here today, MOM. That's okay. I have one of MMario's shawls you can put over your shoulders now that it's getting a little chilly out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 12:08 PM

I've lived places where the register on the floor wasn't that big, and upon realizing the room was way-too-chilly, kicking the cat off of the top of it. One small cat could suck up the heat for a whole room, given the opportunity.

It's moist and balmy here, and the leaves that have been falling from trees and the needles accumulating under my 5-year-old Afghan pine (now about 20') smell wonderful. I know this is an abnormally warm day, even for North Texas. I'll go work in the yard and enjoy it, because I'm sure the cold is nipping around the edges of this warm front.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 07 - 08:34 AM

Along come 20-8-six-six
And the load was lugging hard;
The engineer was cussing mad,
An' the fireman, he was tahred.
The load was slow, the grade was steep,
And the rods got outta line,
Hauling that train up into the sky,
On the way to Twenty-Nine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 11:21 PM

AH yes; cold nights crawling between iron sheets; only frantic skittering with the soles of your feet on the sheets would warm them up to survival temperature. Icicles on the windows at dawn; snow days when the radio would announce liberation; frozen bluejeans and lost mittens, broken galosh buckles...I remember them well. It's all I need to remind me why I am happily ensconced in the Southwest.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 05:56 PM

Many was the night I'd take a glass of water up to bed with me and awake in the morning to find a skim if ice on it. Ain't nothin' quite like skooching way down under a couple of quilts and a couple of wool blankets, all snuggled up with yourself, to keep yerself all toasty -- less'n you got somebody with you to share the gettin' warm.

When I was a young and callow stripling of a youth I was fortunate enough not to have to share my bed, 'cause my brothers had enuresis. THEY would awaken with a skim of ice too, but they didn't take a glass of water up to bed with them (at least externally).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 03:57 PM

We was up to eight and sixty=five,
A-strainin' up the grade,
And damn if any knew the road,
And them as knew, ain't said.
But we poured it on, and sweated it out,
As the mountains fell behind,
And we headed on toward the top o' thuh world,
On the way to Twenty-Nine.


....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 03:41 PM

Love them old fleur-de-whatchamacallit registers. My biggest shallenge gowing up, in winter anyway, was to make it from a warm bed square onto the middle of the hot-air register in one leap so I could get dressed before I froze stiff. That was before global warming, of course. ANymore it would be a walk in the park.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 03:24 PM

Heck, my Great-Aunt Cornelia used one of those every day of her life, clear up to when she died in the early 1970s. So did my maternal grandmother, now that I think of it. Both of them made some mighty fine vittles on it, too. (And yes, they had hot water heaters and central heating. They just preferred to cook on a wood stove.)

For years we didn't have forced air heating; we had "registers" in the floor. Nothing at all like sitting with your cold feet on the register, all wrapped up in a quilt and sipping hot chocolate (from scratch, of course) and eating cookies warm from the oven.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 02:37 PM

I grew up in New England and stayed in several places that had the ole woodburner stove. "Before maturity, chop wood and haul water". But the radiant heat coming off that old iron thang was a real joy to nestle up near to. And all the levers and lifters with the corkscrew iron handles were fun, too.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 11:49 AM

I spent my childhood summers in a rural area at the edge of a large lake in Washington State. There was a store with a gas pump and we bought gas and oil for the outboard motor and sometimes groceries there. My parents went to school and worked and left us to be cared for by an old friend (still a friend, and she's 93 now!) who lived on a dairy farm that was adjacent to that store (they owned both) and she cooked on a wood burning kitchen stove. And was she a good cook! You Betcha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 09:41 AM

Well, I think it sucks.


And here twenty- eight - and sixty boys,
The rails are getting warm.
The fire box is stoking up,
As we head into the storm.
Old Twenty-eights a mighty train
And rides a mighty line,
But she's still got several grades to face
On the way to Twenty Nine.
The pressure in the boiler's high
And the driver's in his cups.
The sky ahead is thick with rain,
And the wind is picking up.
But on the wheels, and on the rods,
And on the burnished line!
The MOAB crew has a job to do,
Gettin' to Twenty-Nine.
And the folks know we will do it, why,
They know it sure as shootin'.
They stand with all their children by,
And cheer the driver's tootin'
And wave until the last car's gone,
Over the hills of Time,
Into the mists of the gathering storm,
On the way to Twenty Nine.

Jacob Pandamus Groper
Songs of a Prairie Hopeless
Paynin, Meoirich, & Butte, Dublin, 1954


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 09:24 AM

It's a Blue Event horizon, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 09:20 AM

Better? How you 'speck Miss Janie to color-coordinate a black hole, wise guy? Answer me that!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 09:09 AM

Here's a much better hole that what Amos sent you. But I also suggest that you be careful with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Dec 07 - 05:57 AM

Janie:

I dug you a hole. I have sent it along by UPS. Be careful opening the box; make sure you have decided where you want the hole before unsealing it. No feeding is required.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 11:30 PM

Well then, please dig me and ma a hole. We got fresh apple cakes to bake, we got shortbread to pat out, we got pecans to roast with our top secret family seasonings, we got sweet potato-cranberry muffins to pour into our fancy bundt-shaped muffin pans, we got biscotti sliced and ready for that second crispin' (I think the ashes drifted over the top are right pretty, and lend an interesting texture, don't you?), and, Oh yeh, I saw a groundhog out by the road that is swelled up just right for supper so it won't take so long to get tender.


No kidding, I don't much enjoy skinning and butchering animals, but have done so, and groundhog has got to be the toughest mammal in the Western hemisphere to skin. Must be why, if you can find one big enough, they make such nice drumheads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:46 PM

Wow--an invitation to a luau!!

You can bring Pearl, she's a real nice girl
But DON'T bring Lulu!
You can bring Kate or porterhouse steak
But don't bring Lulu!
Lulu's the kind of a smarty
That breaks up every party.
Oh, don't bring Lulu,
How about Lulu?
I'll bring her myself!


Tum-teee-tim-tee-dum.....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:41 PM

Dig a hole, build a fire in it, let it burn down to coals. Put yer bread or whatever ya wanna bake in a Dutch oven, nestle the oven down in the coals, cover the lid with coals, and fill in the hole leavin' a little hole in the top for smoke ta git out. Dig 'er up when the bakin' is done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:38 PM

Nope, not bris, but they cuts 'em at roundup. Brandin', cuttin', and eknockulatin'. Iffen ya'd like some fresh Rocky Mountain Oysters jist drop around come Springtime.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:37 PM

Really .Baking oven.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:34 PM

Better bring a bunch. The a href="http://www.ub.uit.no/baser/arkinord/details.php?image_id=765">baking oven has gone cold.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:29 PM

Boys, boys, boys........*sigh*

Well, that's alright. Me and Ma love's you anyway. When yer done caterwaulin' at each other out by the woodpile, thumpin' yer chests,and seein' who can spit the furthest, would you bring some wood up to the kitchen for me and Ma?

Let the Holiday baking begin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 08:02 PM

Do they do bris on them cattle in Idaho? Mebbe that's what LH is on about. That wud be some simpler than the brain thing, I reckon. Not much pay in it, but the tips are enormous...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 07:46 PM

Well, they make a slit around the forehead and peel the skin back and the face forward. Then a bone saw is used to open the top of the skull. When they're all done, they put the skull cap back on and pull the skin back up. It's then sewn up. This is usually done at the hairline or in some other place where, if the body is viewed, it won't be easily seen.

Aren't you glad you asked? What else would you like to know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 07:11 PM

We don't do that out here, pal -- all our cattle are bred to be service compris.

You'll never see a tip jar in a California pasture where cows are being raised.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 06:28 PM

Is this another tragic victim of cowtipping?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 06:11 PM

I assume they must scalp it first, no?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 06:05 PM

A cow, Amos. And perhaps other animals later.

I pulled out my leather working stuff and found I only have one postmortem needle left. They are the finest leather working needles I've ever found since they have a triangular "cutting" point that penetrates the toughest leather.

So for the nonce I'll be sewing a dead cow. I also have some skin from a dead deer, come to think of it.

Besides, you can never tell when you might be called upon to do an autopsy. Do you know how they get to the skull so that the brain can be removed? Would you like to learn?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 03:57 PM

Are you going to be doing a post-mortem, then, Rapaire?

May one ask on whom?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 03:35 PM

Okay, I ordered 'em. A dozen double curves 3 3/4" and a dozen of the 3/8 circle needles, 4".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 03:28 PM

Why is my staff getting all bent out of shape because I have a fax coming on different types of post-mortem needles? I need to order some.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 02:45 PM

Well that would be fine, but usually when I think of a wrap-around I think of soft tropical cotton clinging to a pair of tanned thighs, and the cognitive dissonance of holding this thought in mind while thinking of Rapaire is too much to bear. I suppose I could replace it with an image of a huge pair of dark glasses, or perhaps the windy brouhaha of a universe hauled tight around a terrified ego, but although they would fit the definition, they don't jive with Rapaire's nature much. Well...maybe a little... hmmmmmmm...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 02:23 PM

Just think of him as "wrap-around", Amos. That's what I do now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 02:05 PM

GRan idea.

Rapaire, you have once again insisted on mis-spelling your name, or mispronouncing it, opne or the other. Or both.

If you want to pronounce it Raparre, go ahead. But spell it so people can reasonably understand how you want it pronounced. Otherwise, you will be condemned to rhyme with Blaire.

In the event you take this advice, you may use an alternative verse:

In my youth, said the Missus, I studied the law
And argued it loudly and free.
And the strength that it gave, to my brain and my jaw,
Make me louder than bold Raparee!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 01:41 PM

There was a house ( in Vermont, I believe) that was built to use third class mail and catalogs as fuel in the furnace. The owner got on every list he could, and had a barn to store ( over the summer) his free, delivered by the US Mail, source of heat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 12:19 PM

A. You have again mistakenly rhymed "stair" with "Rapaire." "Rapaire" rhymes with "take a pee" or "Mother Machree."

B. As a matter of fact, I got her to complete the LSAT application form and on the Saturday of the LSAT test she had nothing else to do so she took it. So yes, I drove her to the law. Several times, in fact, when we both had classes at the good ol' U. of Akron.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 11:46 AM

Janie,

I wish there was some way to turn this windfall of junk mail into some sort of financial benefit for you. If you started a mailinglist of all those companies, and then offered to sell them a secret list of pre-screenedvictims, ripe for the picking, fully qualified, would that be worth fifty bucks each? I would think so.

Oh, and if they order one, just send them an alphabetized list of the Democratic Congress.

A win win, isn't it? You could promote a list of the Republican administration to the APA, too -- they could pitch DSM IV to them or something.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 11:21 AM

Was it your influence, Rapaire, that drove Pat into the law?

In my youth, said the Missus, I studied the law
And argued each case on the stair.
And the strength that it gave, to my brain and my jaw,
Now allow me to shout down Rapaire!


Yes, I think that must be the explanation.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 09:13 AM

Hey, you badmouthin' my wife, the lawyer? Huh? Are you? You lookin' for trouble? Well, buddy, you come to the right place, 'cause she'll hit you with writ when you ain't lookin' and then kick you right in the torts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Nov 07 - 12:26 AM

Isn't it wonderful how much those lawyers care about your welfare, Janie? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:44 PM

Well I done stacked all the cordwood up in the shed like you said, Ma. Kin I have my ear back now?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:39 PM

6 more lawyers and 1 more chiropractor.

Just thought you should know.

Acutally, once the two of you are done with the wood, you might need a chiropractor. Let me know if I should pull the flyers out of the recycle bin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:38 PM

Only because he had to run in and change it...no, don't ask, Mom...yeah, I had sompn to do with it...but...hey! Leggo my ear!! Awww, Ma!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:25 PM

No, Mom. Not now. It's better if...well, if you insist. Okay, okay, I'll do it. Yes, I promise. You know I will. No, I won't fool around with floozies or boozies! Amos has said that he'll stack the wood, all of it, yes. Yes, I have clean underwear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 11:01 PM

This cowboy does cords that will keep MOM warm all winter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 10:56 PM

Oops.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 10:55 PM

Here, if you cowboys want cords


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 09:20 PM

Mock your chores at your own risk, boys! If MOM gets chilly this winter 'cause you two were fooling around, you'll hear about it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 09:03 PM

Goodness, no! We can't have silliness here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Nov 07 - 08:59 PM

Things in a museum don't make a sound, Rapaire, and even if they did you wouldn't get to hear it looking at a 2-dimensional color picture of things in a museum.

Even though this is a BS thread, there's no sense being silly about it!!


A


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