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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 11 Oct 06 - 11:41 PM
Rapparee 11 Oct 06 - 09:50 PM
Acme 11 Oct 06 - 09:03 PM
Amos 11 Oct 06 - 08:25 PM
Amos 11 Oct 06 - 04:01 PM
Amos 11 Oct 06 - 01:26 PM
MMario 11 Oct 06 - 01:11 PM
Amos 11 Oct 06 - 01:09 PM
Amos 11 Oct 06 - 12:54 PM
Bunnahabhain 11 Oct 06 - 10:11 AM
MMario 11 Oct 06 - 09:55 AM
Acme 11 Oct 06 - 09:54 AM
Bunnahabhain 11 Oct 06 - 09:40 AM
Rapparee 11 Oct 06 - 09:24 AM
Bunnahabhain 11 Oct 06 - 09:14 AM
Rapparee 11 Oct 06 - 08:49 AM
Rapparee 10 Oct 06 - 10:53 PM
Amos 10 Oct 06 - 10:41 PM
Rapparee 10 Oct 06 - 09:25 PM
Bunnahabhain 10 Oct 06 - 08:54 PM
Bunnahabhain 10 Oct 06 - 08:43 PM
Amos 10 Oct 06 - 07:57 PM
Rapparee 10 Oct 06 - 07:25 PM
Bunnahabhain 10 Oct 06 - 05:49 PM
Amos 10 Oct 06 - 03:52 PM
MMario 10 Oct 06 - 03:45 PM
Leadfingers 10 Oct 06 - 03:32 PM
Leadfingers 10 Oct 06 - 03:32 PM
Amos 10 Oct 06 - 03:28 PM
Rapparee 10 Oct 06 - 03:23 PM
Amos 10 Oct 06 - 01:46 PM
frogprince 10 Oct 06 - 01:46 PM
Rapparee 10 Oct 06 - 01:30 PM
Amos 10 Oct 06 - 01:01 PM
MMario 10 Oct 06 - 12:50 PM
Rapparee 10 Oct 06 - 12:47 PM
Acme 10 Oct 06 - 11:23 AM
Bunnahabhain 10 Oct 06 - 09:56 AM
Bunnahabhain 10 Oct 06 - 09:48 AM
MMario 10 Oct 06 - 09:36 AM
Rapparee 10 Oct 06 - 09:31 AM
Amos 10 Oct 06 - 09:19 AM
Rapparee 10 Oct 06 - 08:58 AM
Acme 09 Oct 06 - 10:34 PM
Rapparee 09 Oct 06 - 08:50 PM
Amos 09 Oct 06 - 08:33 PM
Amos 09 Oct 06 - 07:44 PM
Rapparee 09 Oct 06 - 07:22 PM
Amos 09 Oct 06 - 07:17 PM
Rapparee 09 Oct 06 - 04:49 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 11:41 PM

Holy Moly, Mom!! Look at THIS:

The Athena collaboration, an
experimental group working at the CERN lab in Geneva, has measured
chemical reactions involving antiprotonic hydrogen, a bound object
consisting of a negatively charged antiproton paired with a
positively charged proton. This composite object, which can also be
called protonium, eventually annihilates itself, creating an even
number of telltale charged pions. Normally the annihilation comes
about in a trillionth of a second, but in the Athena apparatus (and
its very thorough vacuum conditions) the duration is a whopping
millionth of a second. The protonium comes about in the following
way. First, antiprotons are created in CERN?s proton synchrotron by
smashing protons into a thin target. The resultant antiprotons then
undergo the deceleration, from 97% down to 10% the speed of light.
Several more stages of cooling, including immersion in a bath of
slow electrons, brings the antiprotons to a point where they can be
caught in Athena?s electrostatic trap. This allows the researchers
to study then, for the first time, a chemical reaction between the
simplest antimatter ion---the antiproton---and the simplest matter
molecular ion, namely H2+ (two H atoms with one electron missing).
Joining these two ions results in the protonium plus a neutral
hydrogen atom (see figure at http://www.aip.org/png/2006/269.htm ).
This represents the first antimatter-matter chemistry, if you don?t
count the interaction of positrons (anti-electrons) with ordinary
matter. (Previously antiprotons have been inserted into helium atoms
but this did not really constitute ?chemistry? since the antiprotons
merely replaced an electron in the helium atom.)
According to Nicola Zurlo of the Universita? di Brescia
(zurlo@bs.infn.it) and her colleagues, the experimental output from
the eventual protonium annihilation (see depiction at
www.aip.org/png) allowed the Athena scientists to deduce that the
principal quantum number (denoted by the letter n) of the protonium
had an average value of 70 rather than the expected value of 30.
Furthermore, the angular momentum of the protonium was typically
much lower than expected---perhaps because of the low relative
velocity at which the matter and antimatter ions approached each
other before reaction.



70!!!! 70!!!!
Just imagine that!! Those science fellers are tops!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 09:50 PM

My wife Pat, who is currently in DC, thanks everyone for the birthday wishes. Being a dutiful spouse I copy 'n' pasted all of them and emailed 'em to her.

And she was appreciative. Really. I'm not making this up. My nickname when I was growing up was "Truthful James." I won the gold star every year I was in grade school for honesty. I would never, ever, tell a lie.

So Pat says, "Thanks for the good wishes."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 09:03 PM

Long day today, good thing Amos came along. Early to bed, if I get my way. I'll be Mom's favorite tonight because I won't be underfoot around the house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 08:25 PM

Darn kids. Ya start sinking down toward oblivion, and only Amos shows up to save ya.


Mom


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 04:01 PM

Anyway,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PAT!!!




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 01:26 PM

But, Rapaire is always signing himself off as "Mom's favorite"!! Why wouldn't she talk to him? Has he run away again? Stayed out all night in a cheap hootch house? Been run out of town for gambling debts? Shotgun wedding? What????


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 01:11 PM

Cuz MOM made the request - and I don't think she's talking to Rapaire today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 01:09 PM

Oh, THAT Pat!!!!! How come Stilly is putting in the reminder instead of Noble Husband?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 12:54 PM

WHich one is Pat? I( lost track.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 10:11 AM

That was me miming. It is generally agreed it is preferable to my singing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 09:55 AM

auspicious natal day!, Noble Lady!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 09:54 AM

Mom asks everyone to take a moment to sing "Happy Birthday" to Pat. She promises not to wince if anyone is off-key (but she might gently thwack them upside the head with her rolled up morning newspaper if they're standing too close to her when they do it).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 09:40 AM

You mean the horses head on the pillow? I just thought that was lunch...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 09:24 AM

Has Leadfingers contacted you yet about the duel to the death? If he hasn't you might want to ring him up and tell him about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 09:14 AM

Patience. That's always useful...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Oct 06 - 08:49 AM

Mom? Did you know that today is my wife's birthday? Wadcha git her? Is it something I can use?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 10:53 PM

Well, the Legion is a little short of cash right now, what with the Oktoberfest, the Septemberfest, the Julyfest, and all those things every month. And while they could afford to send me to Scotland I flatly refused to be nailed into the crate, even with their offer of a clean bucket and a fourteen course dinner (to them that means a package of weiners and a six-pack). Besides, knowing them they'd probably mark it wrong-end-up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 10:41 PM

That there is jest a brilliant solution. I have a real long-standing offense with W Bush, and I think I will arrange a similar substitution an' let him and Richard "The Dick" Cheney stand in for against each other until they do each other in for good.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 09:25 PM

Three of them are sober as I type this, and, acting as my Seconds, send this message (I include the spellings they dictate):

You, the guy known as Bunnahabhain er somethin like that there unpronounsible word, have done gone and insultid the Idaho Legion by callin the members thereov "theiving" even though ain't none of us ever took nothin that didn't belong to us or somebody we knew wouldn't mind us borroing it. This here insult kin only be washed away by an objekt apolojee from you on your knees an in publik er by yer blood flowen frum yer death wond. Since we are the agrieved parties akordioning to the "Code Duelo" we git the choice of weepons and we chose Rapaire here to be our champeen and to advenge the Honor of the Idaho Legion with swords and/or pistols and he gits to use Rattlesnake Stan's Colt's .45 revolver fer his pistol and he kin furnish his own sword he says.

We want to meat on nutrill ground and since yer really far away we appoint the guy known as Leadfingers as our proxy and Rapaire's proxy in this here duel to the death. You guys work it out and let us know how it comes out.

Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 08:54 PM

Plus they'll never find me. This evening, I ended up hiding in 1746. We were dancing minuets for some reason. They're not easy.......


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 08:43 PM

Nahh, they won't fit enough beer in the cab of the truck, so they'll get bored and give up before they get here. It's about 13000 miles as the crow flies.

He doesn't mean when they sober up, as it isn't going to happen..l.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 07:57 PM

I think Rapaire means "my friends will call up you when up they sober..."


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 07:25 PM

The Idaho Legion might be composed of surly, low-down, dirty-minded, drunken, bushwhacking, dry-gulching, egg-sucking, foul-mouthed, lying, ham-handed, saddle-sniffing, brand-changing, unlearned, whey-faced, pockmarked, Falstaffian, snotty-nosed, greenhorn, illiterate rapscallions, but they are not thieving anything.

Sir, you have given the Legion the lie. Either retract it and humbly apologize in public, or my friends will call up you when they sober up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 05:49 PM

How do you have a lightfingered leadfingers? The two must be mutally exclusive, one would think.

Thieving, no good, low down varment migh be better, but that just makes him sound like a member of the Idaho legion....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 03:52 PM

Oh, fie that such a paltry visitor should take Fayre Mothere's mantle, and passing like a jackdaw, snatch it off to his own nest's lining. For shame, Leadfingers, that thou shouldst so light-fingered act. Give us back that number, I pray you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 03:45 PM

that's a hundred gross!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Leadfingers
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 03:32 PM

14400 !!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Leadfingers
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 03:32 PM

I HAVE to try !!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 03:28 PM

LOL!!! Ho!!! Thou dost give yourself the lie in fact,
But taken with a jest,a grin,
Who could not forgive a tale,
That lets the inner beast come out,
While taking others in?

Go to, you are a saucy varlet!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 03:23 PM

Sir, the achievement of DOMhood is not something to be taken lightly. Some are born to it, some acquire it naturally, and yet others strive for it all their lives and never achieve anything more than a slap or a jail sentence.

The true DOM is not focused exclusively on one part of the body, but enjoys the gestalt, taking in modern terms a holistic appreciation. A DOM is not to be denigrated or derided as a simple "pervert" with "only one thing" on his mind.

A DOM does not wear ribbons or something like the gowns worn in the groves of Academe, it is not necessary (and sometimes it could even be dangeroous) for a true DOM has no need to magnify the light he shines before men.

Indeed, in the entire world there is only one thing that a true DOM fears, and that is meeting up with a DOW.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 01:46 PM

Ribbons do not the hero make, good sir, nor books glorify an obsession with body parts.

I am all for fine passions and lust among the consenting and the full-grown. But, a man of your stature in place and in time mought have higher things on which to focus his gaze.


Love never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall be done away; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall be done away. ...

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child: now that I am become a man, I have put away childish things.

For now we see as through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know fully even as also I was fully known.

But now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love.



Or, as we say in California, whutEVerrrr.....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: frogprince
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 01:46 PM

" What fond delights can steal upon me,
When Johnnie kneels and kises me."

I was watching the original movie "MASH" for about the fourth time before I realized that Margaret O'Houghlihans voice kept coming over the PA going "kiss my hot lips", but she was having no trouble speaking. I probably was the only guy around so dense that it took me that long to catch on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 01:30 PM

I was officially awarded my DOM when I was 12 years old, and I have borne it proudly ever since. Indeed, I even have a copy of the late Dr. Asimov's classic book The Sensuous Dirty Old Man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 01:01 PM

Dirty minded old man; she was sitting down, on the floor, on a cushion, listening to music, that's why he had to kneel to kiss her. On the cheek. Politely, and affectionately.

Honestly, you people. Use your imaginations for something further up the alphabet, like "Q" or "T" instead of always going for the "X".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 12:50 PM

exactly!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 12:47 PM

Johnnie kneels and kisses her what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 11:23 AM

Google is telling me "You Deserve a Break." I suspect I'd rather have a different kind of break than what they are offering.

And I don't think I want any Knox gelatin involvement in my break, either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 09:56 AM

There are worse things than The old Chislom trail. Dumbartons drums, sung with by the right person, with the right glint in her eye.....

" What fond delights can steal upon me,
When Johnnie kneels and kises me."
etc

and that's before she starts on the cider, and makes up verses!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 09:48 AM

That's him. But he didn't enjoy it. No, not one little bit. He was very keen on nobody having any fun. In fact when he'd managed to get banned almost everything fun, the birth rate exploded, as he'd not managed to find a way to ban that, and the had very else left to do.......


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 09:36 AM

wasn't Knox the Calvanist minister involved with the big gelatin scandal? something to do with young school girls and wrestling in huge vats of jellied consomme?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 09:31 AM

Because I'm busy writing a song, okay? This is what I have so far:

A man without a woman
Is like a ship without a sail,
A guitar without a G-string,
Or a squid without a whale.

REFRAIN:

Diddly-do whop, whop; Diddly-do whup, whup,
A man without a woman, oh yeah....



It's kind of a bluesy thing, sung in the key of E#.

Whatcha think? Platinum, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 09:19 AM

Knox was the yuppie Edinburgh medic who thought he was getting a bargain. But why not be more free with information yourself? I thought that was your metier!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Oct 06 - 08:58 AM

Yeah, dude, only, what's "the close" and "the stair"? Why go up one and down the other? And who was Knox? Do ye know, without looking it up?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Oct 06 - 10:34 PM

I sent the earlier joke to someone who was hoping I'd answer his email with a good joke. That'll show him. This latest one, though, I don't want to jinx myself in my own old age by poking fun at senior intimacy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 06 - 08:50 PM

I've never been kissed by a prince. One tried, but got beard burn so bad he had to go to the emergency room.

There was this princess though...mmmmmmmmmm...enough of that! I have a Big Important Thing to post!

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors

1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.

2. Set timer for 2 minutes, just in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand just in case you can't remember.

6. Keep the Polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Extra-Strength Tylenol ready just in case you actually
complete what you started.

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it happens, call everyone you know with the good news.

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 06 - 08:33 PM

And here is a Special Poem for The Director of the Library who has a good heart in him, if a wise mouth on him. :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 06 - 07:44 PM

Just for the record and for those who puzzle such things, the phrase is country Scots for a small house of two rooms, often build into a hillside, or thatched, small and uncomfortable, once used by peasants or shepherds. The ben is the outer room, the but the inner room, and that's all there is!

How those smart-ass little ragamuffins in Edinburgh would learn such an obscure phrase is beyond me.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 06 - 07:22 PM

Woke up this mornin' on the old Chisholm Trail,
C...
Never mind, the rest is really dirty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 06 - 07:17 PM

Well, that's strange, for sooth. I coulda sworn you wuz the one who DID point it out.

Clouds in the West, an' it looks like rain,
An' mah goddamn slicker's in the wagpn again!

Wal, me an' the Boss, we had us a spat,
So I hit him the face with mah ten-gallon hat!

So it's ki-yi-yippy, yippy yay, yippy yay
Ki-yi-yippy, ippy yay


Wal, son, don't start drinkin' and gambling,
I want you should always stay straight.

And so on....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 06 - 04:49 PM

I wasn't impolite enough to point it out, nor mean-spirited enough to call another names. It is not for me to correct the errors of others, but merely to gently and lovingly guide them to Truth.


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