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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 08 Aug 06 - 08:54 AM
Acme 08 Aug 06 - 12:02 AM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 11:05 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 11:01 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 06:22 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 04:42 PM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 04:37 PM
MMario 07 Aug 06 - 04:09 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 04:08 PM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 03:30 PM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 03:21 PM
Acme 07 Aug 06 - 01:59 PM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 12:50 PM
MMario 07 Aug 06 - 12:21 PM
Acme 07 Aug 06 - 12:16 PM
MMario 07 Aug 06 - 11:51 AM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 11:49 AM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 11:01 AM
Acme 07 Aug 06 - 10:20 AM
Rapparee 07 Aug 06 - 09:16 AM
Amos 07 Aug 06 - 09:08 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Aug 06 - 12:40 AM
Acme 06 Aug 06 - 11:38 PM
Tweed 06 Aug 06 - 11:06 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 06 - 11:04 PM
Rustic Rebel 06 Aug 06 - 10:51 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 06 - 09:18 PM
Rapparee 06 Aug 06 - 08:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 06 - 07:29 PM
Amos 06 Aug 06 - 06:57 PM
Amos 06 Aug 06 - 02:49 PM
Acme 06 Aug 06 - 02:23 PM
Acme 06 Aug 06 - 10:23 AM
Rapparee 06 Aug 06 - 10:18 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 06 - 03:59 AM
Acme 06 Aug 06 - 12:32 AM
Tweed 05 Aug 06 - 11:43 PM
Amos 05 Aug 06 - 11:39 PM
Rapparee 05 Aug 06 - 10:41 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Aug 06 - 09:32 PM
Amos 05 Aug 06 - 09:31 PM
Acme 05 Aug 06 - 08:37 PM
Acme 05 Aug 06 - 08:30 PM
Amos 05 Aug 06 - 05:01 PM
Acme 05 Aug 06 - 04:12 PM
Amos 05 Aug 06 - 01:58 PM
Amos 05 Aug 06 - 12:46 PM
Acme 05 Aug 06 - 12:13 PM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage on Moonglow's new Dell 05 Aug 06 - 12:39 AM
Acme 04 Aug 06 - 07:29 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 08:54 AM

From the bulk of the message it appears that they want someone to test their automation system on Microsoft Server 2007. A Systems Librarian's job is different from what Amos assumes, too. I know, I was one before I threw in my lot with Lord Moldyfart and moved to The Dark Side. What I find interesting is that Microsoft's corporate library is still using the "obsolete" text-based system we migrated away from three years ago. Then again....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 06 - 12:02 AM

All those Microsoft jobs start out that way, and they list a lot with temps companies also. I looked at those at one time.

Taught the sprout how to make guacamole tonight, and we made a nice big batch (about 4 pounds of it). We had plans to freeze it in ice cube trays so when it comes to snack time he can just thaw two or three cubes and get out some chips. But - gasp! - we were out of chips!!! so we could hardly adequately taste this food of the gods, so I ran to the store. When I got back I found that he'd been so efficient in fitting all of the batch into the ice cube trays that he had to rebuke his sister for swiping guac off of the top of the trays in the freezer to give it a taste. We liberated some of the fresh stuff before it froze and everyone got a taste. Good thing Gluon wasn't around for this--with the garlic and onion in that stuff, its like the perfect critical mass of flavor. We might have had a nuclear reaction if that duck-dog had been in the house!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 11:05 PM

You've already posted the Whoe thing, Rapaire! Over and over.

LOL!!

So Microsoft wants a Software Librarian. Tricky work, ya know, not just like dealing with books and periodicals. ALl kinds of version tracking for complex program builds and different sub-combinations of files in those builds and individual file changes and managing simultaneous updates from multiple sources. No piece o'cake.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 11:01 PM

"whoLe thing." I'll send you the WHOLE thing. Not the "whoe thing".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 06:22 PM

And then there's this, which came on a library-related list I'm on. I'm only posting a little bit of the whole message -- see if you can guess the company!

Position:      Systems Librarian
Type:             Contract
Length:          6 months with possibility of extension
Description:      The largest software company in Redmond, WA has an exciting opportunity for an experienced Systems Librarian!


(PM me if you think you might possibly maybe perhaps qualify and I'll send you the whoe thing.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 04:42 PM

No, but I have a nice neice named Marian, who ran a marathon a year ago this coming October. Her high school track coach is slobbering down his shirt, wanting her for the cross-country team.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 04:37 PM

Or Condaleeza?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 04:09 PM

You don't happen to have a grand-daughter named 'susan' do you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 04:08 PM

Turns out that was under "Other duties as assigned."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 03:30 PM

That's our boy; he moonlights as a starter ofunwanted life, and in his spare time, he doubles as the taker of unwanted life. When he learns to spell H-U-B-R-I-S, the universe will explode and the End Times will occur for sure. I just wanna know if he's going to send those babies to college!

:D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 03:21 PM

Geez, I thought they were kidding in my job description. "Run the library...and..." Anyway, I also have another side to my job.

Ah, these Old West towns!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 01:59 PM

I view it as Rapaire on autopilot, just pinging the list every so often so we know he's around, but maybe he's actually like a Twilight Zone episode and he's really now a robot just going through the motions. . .

Freds don't do the robot/body swap thing, do they? Where's Gluon? We need her to ferret out an answer to this mystery.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 12:50 PM

Amazing how everyone agrees to ignore Rapaire's paternity. Just AMAZING. Tweed AND BWL, and that in less than 24 hours!!!!!!! It's reeeeee-MARK---able.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 12:21 PM

I was considering napping from now until friday mornng. I gotta wake up then for a bit as we have a mandatory employee picnic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 12:16 PM

Before or after lunch?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 11:51 AM

???? go away for a mere weekend and all sorts of stuff happens.

nap time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 11:49 AM

Oh, good, Rapaire...act all innocent, like you have no IDEA who the father could be. Sheeshe!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 11:01 AM

Bee-Dubya is pregnant too? He and Tweed have SOOO much in common to talk about!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 10:20 AM

Tweed or BWL will experience a melding of flavors in the smilax (greenbriar) I send because it will be commingled with other backyard vines, mostly Lonicera (honeysuckle) and to add a zing that keeps going and going and going, there will be a little Toxicodendron (poison ivy) mixed in. That's one way to tickle your tastebuds! (I found a web site that makes great claims to speed up healing after exposure. I'll bite. I'm not likely to be able to avoid that weedy vine the rest of my life.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 09:16 AM

Tweed is noticing strange cravings. Ergo, Tweed in pregnant.

Why not ship all of the smilax you you can spare to Tweed? Not only will it help him with his strange cravings, but it will also ease the pain when he gives birth! Yes! Medical researchers have found that smilax, when eaten in enormous quantities every day, will make a primigravidus give birth at least as easily as if an sharp ax or knife were placed beneath the bed! And if you have recordings of such groups as "The Back Street Boys" or "'N Synch" around send them too!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 09:08 AM

Takes a well-trained tongue to tell the distinction, dunnit?

I mean between "good" and "not very good" turpentine.

How did you acquire the necessary experience?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Aug 06 - 12:40 AM

The tender young shoots of some varieties of smilax are quite good. The type that grows where the Florida Folk Festival is held tastes great. A friend who lives just ten miles or so from my place says his daughter browses their smilax regularly. Unfortunately, what grows on my property tastes like turpentine, and not very good turpentine at that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 11:38 PM

BWL, I haven't experimented brewing with my smilax, but tell you what: that's your research project and in the spirit of science I'll be shipping all of mine to you. Just untangle it from the baby opossums and squirrels (no baby dillies around here, yet).

Meanwhile, I have some sea urchin fossils out back that I'll ship directly to MMario. I think he might want to simmer them for a while and come up with a nice sauce for the glyptodon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 11:06 PM

Tweed's Log MOABDATE 13530

Solar flares have diminished and the unusual behavior exhibited by the crew of MOAB has aslo. They are at present, happily studying giant baby mammyjammers.

I myself have noticed strange cravings of late. Must stock up on Chokecherry wine, jelly and yogurt during next planetary piss stop.
Rhubarb will do, but chokecherry would keep me docile for some time to come.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 11:04 PM

You can make wine from chokecherries? I didn't know that. Can you make anything from smilax? Aside from puncture wounds, that is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 10:51 PM

Meanwhile back at the ranch.....
The Corn-Porn Queen put aside her cobs to gaze at the large ship, entering sky left, that strangly resembled a Mammadillo. The ship made a sound that was something like rubbing your hand on a piece of viraoglaxamine in the pocket of a pair of tweed pants.
It sounded like... BuWahahahah..kaff kaff......ack phhttt! BuWahahahah..kaff kaff......ack phhttt! BuWahahahah..kaff kaff......ack phhttt!
Slowly hoovering above the Corn-Porn Queen, the hatch of the ship opened and from it fell 3355 jars of caviar and one beluga.
The Corn-Porn Queen ran to her pantry quickly, not to hide or take cover, but to grab a jar of chokecherry wine and crackers.

Fin


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 09:18 PM

No, it wouldn't be a giant baby armadillo. It would be a baby giant armadillo aka a glyptodon. Sure, they're extinct, but when has that ever bothered anyone around here? Mmario'll probably be barbecuing a couple over at whatever Tavern thread is going on...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 08:55 PM

So if I were to use a backhoe I could attract a giant baby armadillo?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 07:29 PM

Baby armadillos seem to be attracted by the sound of scratching in the dirt. We've had them come check us out while working in garden beds with hand cultivators. Little critters are about 90% blind and can't tell that a human is about fifty times bigger than Mammadillo. All they seem to notice is that something's making armadillo noises.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 06:57 PM

I hope the library's new roof is looking good, Rapaire. I'd like to think something has you covered in al this heat.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 02:49 PM

Put your beard out on the pavement,
Let your mind take to the sky
Keep your nose down to the grindstone,
Smell the roses passing by

Life is tough for armadillos
Even skunks are better paid
When you think that you have armor
And the world can walk right through you
Life is risky in the shade.
Life is risky in the shade.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 02:23 PM

. . .and anything that stays on the pavement very long today is going to be cooked in just a few minutes. More humid also, making it a joy [not!] to go outside in it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 10:23 AM

You so rarely see them when they're not part of the pavement.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 10:18 AM

What a very nice baby armadillo! And that picture answers the age-old question "Do baby armadillos have beards like Bee-Dubya-Ell?" too!

But wait! A beard...perhaps that is actually one of Bee-Dubya's baby photos! Could it be...?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 03:59 AM

Hah! Yet another display of Tweed's abounding ignorance of mammalian quadrupeds! Those are not hamsters in my beard! They are baby armadillos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 06 - 12:32 AM

Gold and riches, maybe that's why Amos is cranky. Something to do with pulling teeth for scrap gold sales. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 05 Aug 06 - 11:43 PM

Tweed's Log: MOABDATE13518

Solar flareups have caused some personality aberrations in the crew of late.

The usually agreeable Amos snaps at the slightest provocation. He's noticeably edgy and has shaved off his eyebrows for reasons known only to him. He refuses to give any explanation.   

Rapaire has transmogridated into a smarmy, yet oddly polite republican! and insists on having four forks of various sizes at mess.

Chief Engineer Bee Dubya, neglects his beloved accordion studies, preferring to conduct impromptu spelling bees instead. He has taken up hamster breeding and keeps two or three hidden in his beard, which only serve to unnerve the contestants, as they sometimes crawl up to the exercise wheel that their master has fashioned into a sort of headgear. It is especially hard on Rapaire during meals and the poor fellow can be heard all over the main deck. "TAKE IT OFF!! FOR CHRIST'S SAKES, WE'RE EATING DINNER HERE!!" and Beezer calmly sups his soup with hamsters spinning merrily away, completely oblivious to the forks. squeek...squeeeek......squeeeeeeek....

And this battered vessel called MOAB ambles onward into the great unknown, leaving only the scent of Tang, Ho-Ho's and a hint of mildew in her wake. The GreatBlack Hole, hitherto uncharted and known only as X-14K looms like a mountain range in the distance.

What new adventures await the crew of the Ark? Gold and riches beyond their wildest dreams....Or something a little more sinister?

BuWahahahah..kaff kaff......ack phhttt!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 06 - 11:39 PM

Yeahh, yeah, Rapaire, don't teach yer gramma to suck eggs. My mind is sharp enough to take a bead on you when you start posting all innocent like. I know when you're up to something.

"Oh, Noooo, Aunt Polly??? Meeee? Why, I'd NEVER...."



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 06 - 10:41 PM

Why Amos, I'm simply trying to be polite and show consideration for others. First you accused me (in another thread) of being Republican and now I'm told that I'm "smarmy." That's all right though. I understand that your beady little mind cannot comprehend when someone is following the dictates of Miss Manners and attempting to make life pleasant for others. Perhaps that's just a result of living too long in Southern California amidst Those Kind Of People.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Aug 06 - 09:32 PM

Hi, Mom! I don't have much to say. I was looking for a Clinton Hammond-free thread and this looked like a good candidate. He's not around here, is he?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 06 - 09:31 PM

Small, wonderful little miracles, eh? Thanks for doing that, Still.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 06 - 08:37 PM

Oh, and Amos, if you want to feel better go do a good deed. I did one of those today also. I was pushing a cart with three small things in it in the grocery store and came across an elderly man with a hand basket putting a flat of 30 eggs in it, and they were rolling out because it would only go in on an angle. I stopped to help rescue his eggs and suggested we trade. I left with the hand basket and he rolled off with the cart, eggs flat and all intact.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 06 - 08:30 PM

Got my tire fixed. Hot as hell out there today, but I figured I'd get it out of the way. The shop I bought it in closed, so I went to another in the chain.

"How much will that cost?"

"It's free. You bought it from us so we fix and balance it free."

Sometimes all it takes is one little thing to make your day. :) They put the spare back up under the back and put everything away. How nice!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 06 - 05:01 PM

I'm sorry -- I fogot to put my liddle winky face in. I love Rapaire like a brother. He knows that. And you and BWL and Suz Rustic and all the other madcap regulars in these parts.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 06 - 04:12 PM

Still a little cranky from the heat, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 06 - 01:58 PM

Rapaire:

Your smarmy agreeableness really sucks, ya know that?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 06 - 12:46 PM

Our heat wave has broken here - the normal maritime airs are cooling us. Maybe ours went down your way...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 06 - 12:13 PM

So, the big bang yesterday was a nail that went into the tire when I drove over something that stayed on the road so the nail didn't stay in the tire. The leak would have been slower that way. Good thing I got home (and didn't stop anywhere on the way or I'd have made that call to AAA from the grocery store parking lot). It was 10am when they guy got here (pretty quickly after I called) and I think it's already 95 out there. It's supposed to get up to 105 today. Bleahhh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage on Moonglow's new Dell
Date: 05 Aug 06 - 12:39 AM

Well, the week has been consistent, I must stay. I started with a fridge on the fritz and I end with a flat tire. Just went out to move the aforesaid Chevy PU into the garage and it didn't drive right. I heard a big bang when I was on the highway earlier this evening but there was no change in driving it (though I was headed off to a side street, and I drove on boulevards the rest of the way home). This is what I pay AAA for. I'll call early so the burly fellow who arrives to change my tire won't get too hot out there in the driveway.

Beware! This is what you get when you run over pointy headed pseudo-intellectuals and their sidewalk chalk on the highway!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Aug 06 - 07:29 PM

Come to think of it, there was a humor piece floating around (first sent to me by sometimes Mudcat visitor Jean Smith) about the "Urka Gurka Clock." Wakes you right up when you hear that sound. :)


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