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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 31 Jul 06 - 11:46 AM
Amos 31 Jul 06 - 11:10 AM
Acme 31 Jul 06 - 09:50 AM
Rapparee 31 Jul 06 - 09:00 AM
MMario 31 Jul 06 - 08:19 AM
GUEST,Bunnahabhain 31 Jul 06 - 05:37 AM
Amos 30 Jul 06 - 09:05 PM
Rapparee 30 Jul 06 - 08:09 PM
Amos 30 Jul 06 - 04:01 PM
Acme 30 Jul 06 - 01:47 PM
Amos 30 Jul 06 - 01:43 PM
Acme 30 Jul 06 - 12:27 PM
Acme 30 Jul 06 - 12:23 PM
Amos 30 Jul 06 - 10:12 AM
John MacKenzie 30 Jul 06 - 10:07 AM
Amos 30 Jul 06 - 12:58 AM
Acme 30 Jul 06 - 12:20 AM
Rapparee 29 Jul 06 - 09:34 PM
Amos 29 Jul 06 - 09:33 PM
Acme 29 Jul 06 - 07:38 PM
John MacKenzie 29 Jul 06 - 03:52 PM
Acme 29 Jul 06 - 03:40 PM
Amos 29 Jul 06 - 02:43 PM
John MacKenzie 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM
John MacKenzie 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM
John MacKenzie 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM
John MacKenzie 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM
Acme 29 Jul 06 - 01:46 PM
GUEST,Bunnahabhain 29 Jul 06 - 11:21 AM
Acme 29 Jul 06 - 12:30 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 28 Jul 06 - 10:02 PM
Rapparee 28 Jul 06 - 09:39 PM
Rapparee 28 Jul 06 - 09:13 PM
Acme 28 Jul 06 - 08:21 PM
Acme 28 Jul 06 - 02:42 PM
Acme 28 Jul 06 - 02:27 PM
Rapparee 28 Jul 06 - 01:26 PM
Amos 28 Jul 06 - 11:41 AM
Amos 28 Jul 06 - 10:09 AM
Rapparee 28 Jul 06 - 09:02 AM
Amos 27 Jul 06 - 11:46 PM
Acme 27 Jul 06 - 08:39 PM
Rapparee 27 Jul 06 - 07:01 PM
Acme 27 Jul 06 - 05:52 PM
Rapparee 27 Jul 06 - 05:43 PM
Amos 27 Jul 06 - 04:06 PM
Rapparee 27 Jul 06 - 04:05 PM
Amos 27 Jul 06 - 03:21 PM
Acme 27 Jul 06 - 03:03 PM
Rapparee 27 Jul 06 - 02:54 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 11:46 AM

Kids Have Dropped over dead converting metrics.
Militant Michael Nabs Piratical Feminists Attacking Zeb's Yacht.
Programmers Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms.
How I want a drink, alcoholic of course, after the heavy chapters involving quantum mechanics.
Some officers add curly auburn hair to offer attraction.
All Suckers Take Calculus.
Let's Cook Textured Vegetable Protein.
"Hell! Here're Little Beatniks Brandishing Countless Numbers Of Flick
kNives."
Currently parties never provide sexy English girls that drink heavily, even though you look.
Scottish Vicars Make Fur Coats and Knickers.
Girls Are Very Loving If Men Can Prepare Perfect Tea.
C-3-4-5; keeps you breathing and alive, L-2-3-4; keeps the shit up off the floor.
Some Surgeons Make Money But My Brother Says Buxom Blondes Make More.
Never lower Tillie's pants. Grandmother might come home.
All Chaperones Must Previously Have Had Sex.

Oh, is it time to leave already? I'll come quietly, no need for the needle again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 11:10 AM

SO much for keeping cool in the kitchen!! Is it time for a new frige?

Rapaire's meritorious mnemomic machinery makes MOAB maws drop. It mangles mere mortals with its mauve merit and mincing, meretricious multiplicity. Many men's memories make metastatic merry-go-rounds of such memorable mish-mashes.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 09:50 AM

MMario, I think a whiff of your weekend made it over here. The morning walk was a bit of a challenge this morning with trash bags ripped on the streets (and keeping the dogs out of it) and dogs off of leashes. And now I find the cold (versus freezer) section of my fridge seems to have died. I cooked up a storm yesterday to make leftovers for all week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 09:00 AM

I can name all fifty states and all or most of the territories. I can also name all of Canada's provinces and most of the counties of Ireland. Moreover, I can name all seven dwarves: Sleazy, Spacey, Junky, Dumbhead, Pusher, Leroy, and Trixie. The names of Santa's reindeer are Bottom, Thistledown, Peasblossom, Puck, Moms, Easy, Stoner, Fido, and of course Alky, who leads the pack because of his red nose. Want me to recite the General Orders or the Ten Commandments? Huh? Do ya do ya do ya? How about the mnemonic for the bass clef lines, huh? Or the one for the stellar spectral classes? I really like lists, I've always liked lists and mnemonics, I full of lists and mnemonics and I know that because when I was very young people told me so; they'd say, "You're full of it." The US Rifle Caliber .30 M-1 is a clip-fed, gas-operated, semiautomatic shoulder weapon weighing ten pounds unloaded and without bayonet. The moons of Jupiter are oh, Hi! Is it time for the pills already?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 08:19 AM

well, while youse guys was having blt's my niece gave me chicken in fresh currant sauce this wekend; and we had razzleberry chicken in 1585.

On the other hand I managed to lose my wallet with all id etc, so despite good food the weekend sucked.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bunnahabhain
Date: 31 Jul 06 - 05:37 AM

Between the fod here, and the real ale thread, I now need lunch. Unfortunatly, it's 10.30 am.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 09:05 PM

You sound like one of those undergrads saving up for college fees who tells you their name is James if you need anything, but never tell you what their name is if you don't. They half close their eyes and assume a reverent look as they recite their lessons about lightly salted and gently braised whathaveyou au Doh... Ask them the names of fifty states and they'd freeze right up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 08:09 PM

Just for you, Amos -- lunch today was lightly salted fresh chilled tomato wedges mixed with purple basil and a dollop of mayonnaise, served with focaccia bread, and finished with a raspberry-peach crisp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 04:01 PM

Naw, I don't deserve nuffin that nice; save me some crusts and rinds. I'll whip up a Poor Ass Sammidge outta them. Specialty o' mine.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 01:47 PM

You'll miss the BLTs for lunch. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 01:43 PM

Well, I certainly deserved that, didn't I; for standing up for Mom's right to an intelligent conversation. But, hey, I ain't gonna come between the wimmin folk -- you and Mom can share the rest of them tomaters, and I'll just go for a long walk down a short country road... hmmph.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 12:27 PM

That was more than one, but it's okay. And Amos,

Pow! Tomato right in the kisser. . .



That's for the sour grapes over our ripe tomatoes.   ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 12:23 PM

That's it, Amos, throw one of these ripe tomatoes at him!

Pow!



Splat! . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 10:12 AM

I leave you to lorry eating, sirrah!

Your scansion is wanting.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 10:07 AM

Oh Jessup I set up a coup,
and it upset poor little you.
Your poems I know ems,
you're irate, and throw em
out wildly to starboard and port.
In taking pot shots,
at innocent Scots
It's troubled me lots and lots
I know what the problem is friend
You had your own plan for the end
But Amos you're lumbered
I got the round numbered
Post, you're upset because you did not!

Rabbi Burns understudy, and Poet Lorry Ate to the court of King Haggis.

Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 12:58 AM

Dear friends of MOAB, pray forebear
From listing all your menus there.
For lists of things to eat, in prose,
Does not good BS fare compose;
These chits and chats and mundane things
Are not what makes the MOAB ring
But like the distant surly Scot
Turn her to something she is not.
Menus are made as common fare,
But good BS is far more rare.
Purge and confess, your souls to shrive,
Restore your heart with BS live,
Rise to the heights, with courage then,
And bring the true MOAB back again.

Winston "Suffeerin Succotash" Jones
Poet Laureate,
Society for the Equalization of Vowel Frequency
Detroit, Michigan, 1987


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Jul 06 - 12:20 AM

BLT = the food of the gods

The rest doesn't sound too shabby, either.

We've been eating a few BLTs around here lately. Trouble is I make bread one loaf at a time and these two kids can seriously diminish a loaf in a matter of a few minutes. I'll make another loaf tomorrow so its fresh when they come in. I bought some very large very ripe tomatoes at the farmer's market, and while I'll cook a few and freeze a few, we'll also eat some ripe now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 09:34 PM

We had BLTs -- fresh tomatoes from the Farmers' Market, black-seeded Simpson lettuce, thick-sliced bacon from a local butcher (a real one!), served on roasted-garlic sourdough bread smeared with good mayonnaise.

There were bagels with lox, cream cheese, onion and capers for lunch.

It's tough, but someone's gotta eat this stuff.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 09:33 PM

It was many and many a moment past
On a day that was sufferin' hot
The the MOAB lost her compass true
At the hand of a wiley Scot.

We were all beat down by the murd'rous sun,
Like the troops of Gunga Din,
And a canny mind from a cooler clime,
Saw his chance, and he clambered in.

It was just a bunch of figgers bland,
No wit, no charms, no zest,
"Post one! Post two!" with a heavy hand,
The clumsiest of BS.

Well, he walked away with his cocky strut
'Cuz he landed some number rare,
An' he never knew how close a slug
Mighta come to partin' his hair.

But the sun was high, and heavy, too,
We wuz tired and drenched in sweat,
It hard enough work to type somethin' nice,
It was hard work jest to set.

So we let him go, and he turned the thread
Into something, by rights, it was not.
ANd we woulda riz up, an' cut off his head,
'Cept it was so damn hot.

But this heat is only here for a spell,
Come Fall it won't be so hot,
So we're sharpnin' our blades, and when first frost comes,
We'll be lookin' for that Scot.


Tweendecks Hapsburger,
Middlin' Maudlin' Minstrel of the MOAB

"There Ain't Nothin' Like BS"
Willing Effluvia Publications, Ltd.
Marina Del Rey, 1976


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 07:38 PM

Yucky hot day out there--I think I'll have cold chicken and fruit instead of heating the house up cooking. Maybe I'll make the casserole tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 03:52 PM

If I'd known your casserole had been squashed I'd have called 911. Which seeing as I live in the UK would have been a total waste of time.
G.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 03:40 PM

Plus, he didn't compliment my squash casserole.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 02:43 PM

Jock, that's not very good BS, you know. We are going to allow them this time, but if you do this again, your posts will be renumbered in the mid 1100's.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM

Oh!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM

0


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM

0


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 02:41 PM

14


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 01:46 PM

I got a little carried away at the farmer's market again--too many tomatoes. I'll make a casserole this afternoon and bring a serving over to MOM. (I saute cut up yellow bent neck squash in garlic and olive oil and I'll add some diced tomatoes then mix in some mushrooms and chunks of sauteed Italian sausage, and later a little spaghetti sauce for thickening and seasoning and after it simmers a little I sprinkle Romano cheese over the top.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bunnahabhain
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 11:21 AM

Yes, indeed. Trying to pot Rosemary is not a good idea. You are likley to get thumped, and she can be vicious, but I love her anyway.

I did try to offer Mom some of the Rhubarb growing outside, even the good stuff that the sheep haven't half eaten, but nobody seemed interested.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Jul 06 - 12:30 AM

Potted Rosemary around the golf course could be dangerous. She might get hit by a ball or run over by a cart.

I have a rosemary plant here that must be about 10' in diameter about now. It's a monster. I could keep all of Fort Worth supplied with rosemary for an entire year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 10:02 PM

Hi, Mom! Want some green beans? Got lots of 'em. One little patch has been providing more than we can eat since early June and they're not finished yet. They're a bush variety, not pole beans, and bush beans usually only produce for a few weeks. They should have been totally spent a month ago but they just keep on going.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 09:39 PM

Also some potted Rosemary (the plant, not the woman).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 09:13 PM

Thistles. Weeds. I have been working on xeriscaping. I do have some purple basil, golden sage, and Roma tomatoes in pots though. The voles (which I hope are now exterminated) were causing problems -- along with the other issues that have pretty much taken care of the Summer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 08:21 PM

I've just been visiting the home grown tomato thread that Bobert started. Has anyone remembered to bring MOM anything from their gardens this year? I didn't put one in, but maybe this fall. How about you, Rap? Growing anything interesting along the golf course fenceline?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 02:42 PM

Thanks also, Mike. I let the screen sit there for a while while I was poking around for the photo and missed the poem.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 02:27 PM

Thanks, Amos!

Ordinary (in a short and balding sort of way--he's the one in the boxing shirt, all 5'2" or so of him) and extraordinary at the same time. When we first met, he was quite rotund, but he decided about then that fitness was a good thing and got so fit that he has been working as a personal trainer on the side for some time now. And planned to keep doing that after retirement.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 01:26 PM

Outriders At The End Of The Trail
Dedicated To The Memory Of My Uncle, Evan D. McRae
By Wallace McRae

They contemplate their town-boot toes
As they stand around and mill.
They check the south horizon,
'Cross the tracks above the hill.
Their suitcoats hint of mothballs.
Their Levis are clean and creased.
They speak of grass or cattle
But never the deceased.
Some have shook the Gov'ner's hand,
And one's been in the pen.
Crooked legs define the bronc hands,
Cropped-off thumbs the dally men.
Their spring-toothed necks are throttled up
In silky black wild rags.
Their faces scored like flower stamps
On well-worn saddle bags. .
They've come early to the funeral home,
Yet don't want to go inside.
There's no comfort in a breathless room
Or words of "eventide."
They somehow share a secret bond
As each one recollects:
Together.
Separate.
Silently.
Each pays his last respects.

You'll hear no keening to the vaulted skies,
But the good hands know when a good hand dies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 11:41 AM

I hate to see a good man die,
Even if he is only ordinary, because
Sometimes the most ordinary things said well
Make all the difference. And if not,
If he had some special spark,
Then any minute walkiing might unfold
Some seed, some small bright thing
That never would have reached us from the dark.
There is always some finer moment waiting!
That is why
I hate see a good man die.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 10:09 AM

It's so hard to get good help anymore.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 09:02 AM

I was going to have the Book Wagon pulled by people, like the Mormon handcarts, but the staff objected for some reason.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jul 06 - 11:46 PM

"Hey, Jim -- how come yer car's stalled out 'longside the Interstate there?"

"Ah dunno -- it musta been somp'n Ah said..."



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jul 06 - 08:39 PM

I thought out there in rugged Idaho you'd still be pulling that wagon with mules or oxen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 06 - 07:01 PM

Video it, digitize it, and reproduce it via the car's exhaust system. Simple, really.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jul 06 - 05:52 PM

You could only get a puff or two at a time to fit in that Book Wagon you have featured on your library home page. About the translated equivalent of throat clearing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 06 - 05:43 PM

Written or said. We're pretty bad with smoke signals, heliograph, ASL, and so on. Unless you film or tape them. But as a medium smoke signals (for example) is not prone to preservation and they lead to mass resignations of catalogers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jul 06 - 04:06 PM

Of course -- but only after they have been said.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 06 - 04:05 PM

...important thoughts at risk of being left unsaid.

Libraries exist to keep important thoughts (and unimportant thoughts) available to the future.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Jul 06 - 03:21 PM

It is even more important for literature professors; they have invested all their energies in collecting and purifying the memes of their age, and selecting those worthy of being forwarded, and it takes a long time to gird yourself for such altitudinous work. So the shadow of death puts great things at risk, and important thoughts at risk of being left unsaid. One can only hope to have many children to inherit the best of such beliefs and views for the good of Mankind Future.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Jul 06 - 03:03 PM

And now, add to the list, literature professors. I think he'd like that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Jul 06 - 02:54 PM

Also why soldiers and sailors (including merchant sailors) have the reputations they do with the ladies. A biological imperative.


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