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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 05 Feb 06 - 07:00 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 06 - 03:41 PM
Amos 05 Feb 06 - 02:50 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 06 - 02:47 PM
Amos 05 Feb 06 - 02:33 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 06 - 02:25 PM
Acme 05 Feb 06 - 01:50 PM
Amos 05 Feb 06 - 12:46 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 06 - 09:31 AM
Little Hawk 04 Feb 06 - 09:41 PM
Acme 04 Feb 06 - 09:37 PM
Little Hawk 04 Feb 06 - 09:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Feb 06 - 09:21 PM
GUEST,R'llotin'nat, Assault Force Black 04 Feb 06 - 09:17 PM
Rapparee 04 Feb 06 - 05:05 PM
Amos 04 Feb 06 - 03:29 PM
Acme 04 Feb 06 - 12:49 AM
GUEST 03 Feb 06 - 11:32 PM
Amos 03 Feb 06 - 10:49 PM
Bunnahabhain 03 Feb 06 - 08:08 PM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 07:49 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 04:03 PM
Little Hawk 03 Feb 06 - 03:24 PM
Amos 03 Feb 06 - 03:21 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 03:08 PM
Little Hawk 03 Feb 06 - 03:02 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 02:58 PM
Bunnahabhain 03 Feb 06 - 02:46 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 01:33 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 01:29 PM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 01:26 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 01:05 PM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 01:02 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 12:59 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 12:55 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 12:41 PM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 12:13 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 11:57 AM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 11:52 AM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 11:09 AM
Amos 03 Feb 06 - 10:48 AM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 10:42 AM
Bunnahabhain 03 Feb 06 - 10:39 AM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 10:33 AM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 10:29 AM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 09:41 AM
Rapparee 02 Feb 06 - 11:50 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 06 - 11:37 PM
Acme 02 Feb 06 - 10:14 PM
Bunnahabhain 02 Feb 06 - 06:28 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 07:00 PM

Oh, a tapdance, huh? Seen them before.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 03:41 PM

What kind of golf course are you playing on, that you sent your chip shot to hell?

I hate the think of the pro there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 02:50 PM

Phwwwwt..........KerCHUNK.

One chip, shot to hell.

Odd, isn't it?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 02:47 PM

You sayin' I'm odd, punk???? You sayin' people in Idaho are odd? Are ya? Huh? Ya wanna come up here? Huh? You come up here an' we'll show you odd! We keep all the Californians that move here in special compounds and use 'em to teach the kids about odd, punk. C'mon. C'mon. Knock the chip off. I dare ya. I triple-dare ya. Thought so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 02:33 PM

I think oddness, in this sense, is a function of viewpoint. An ordinary viewpoint will call things odd that look ordinary to an odd viewpoint. And an odd viewpoint will call things odd when a normal one will see normal phenomena.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 02:25 PM

Now, here's some odd things.

I had a piece of pipe, the mast for one of those BIG old satellite TV dishes, in my yard. It was imbedded in concrete; I know, I tried to take it out and gave up, refering to it when asked thereafter as an "objet d'art". This pipe was of 1/4 inch steel and stood about 6 feet high.

Just off Two And A Half Mile Road was an old boxcar that the cops used to use as an office for their shooting range. God only knows how they got it there, but it was firmly fixed to a foundation.

During WW2, the US Navy used to make eight-inch turret guns here. One of them used to be out at the airport, sticking straight up (without a breechblock) as a sort of memorial to the old Naval Ordnance plant.

Sometime during last night, when the directional sign disappeared from Howard Mountain, all of these items were ignored!! They, and a lot of similar stuff, are still there!!

Odd, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 01:50 PM

I heard tell it was the Dixie Lee Raygun variety, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 12:46 PM

You sure it wasn't a Reagan of some kind? I believe Ronnie Junior is active in your area.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 09:31 AM

The oddest thing happened here. Up on Howard Mountain there was a signpost pointing to the original location of Ft. Hall and other things associated with the Howard Family (for whom the mountain was named -- they were VERY active in this area). Anyway, the boys 'n' girls of the Legion who were up there with the Bofors gun reported that a "raygun of some kind" pulled the sign up out of the ground "slick as grease through a pig." Examination by sober folks showed that yes, the sign is indeed missing. The "gun crew" is currently in the county lockup and will be questioned if and when they sober up enough to cooperate with the cops.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 09:41 PM

Yes, they do usually look uncomfortable while defecating, don't they, Bee-Dub? So do cats, but in a very different way. They look paranoid, like they're afraid they might get caught in the act.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 09:37 PM

BWL, during our walks (two dogs and me) if one dog and I don't notice that the other dog is trying to take a dump sometimes it ends up being taken "on the fly." But usually we notice and then our main concern is that no one steps in it.

Roald Dahl uses the term "dog droppings" in some of his stories, and his writings are so witty that I enjoy using his term as a sort of "homage" to his work.

Once those "R'llotin'nat" folks figure out that Rapaire will taste like dog droppings if they try to eat him, I figure they'll send him back intact. They might even give him a bath before they drop him off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 09:32 PM

Here's your missing digit....

A gift from Chongo Chimp...Kree-Gah!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 09:21 PM

Why are dog wastes called droppings? When's the last time you saw a dog go "Whoa! Something just dropped outta my ass!"?

I usually see dogs going "Humpfff! Strain! Groan! Grunt! Damn! There's something trying to come outta my ass! I think it's the thing from that 'Alien' movie!"

That is not dropping. That's forcibly expelling.

Now, many animals do just nonchalantly drop their loads. Birds, mice, alpacas and God knows how many other critters seem to be able to shit in total oblivion, but dogs and cats put a lot of effort into the process. Almost as much as a cow does when she drops a calf.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,R'llotin'nat, Assault Force Black
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 09:17 PM

wee hab rapairee he iz or prizoner yu musd gif uz yur planid r wee will terminad him beecuz or planid needz yur proteen yu haf sextene ors tu deesid thank yu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 05:05 PM

Missing digits isn't manly. Any CPA or accountant can miss a digit and cause a real mess. That's Enron's defense, you know -- "we just missed a digit here and there in accounting...." Or Bill Gates -- "Oh my, our latest version of Windows has a big ol' nasty security hole in it because we forgot it was digital, silly us!"

Now, REAL men, manly men, know that missing a digit only causes trouble. Like Two-Finger Luke over at the Legion. Luke's only got two fingers, one little finger on his right hand and one ring finger on his left. Makes it really hard to work his Red Ryder BB gun. Well, his other fingers aren't really missing, mind you. Luke lost 'em some years back, even though they were attached to his hands like everyone else. He's just not the hottest firecracker in the string and the two fingers I mentioned were all he could (or can) find. He uses all eight fingers and both thumbs, but if you ask him, he's missing most of his manual digits. Of course, there are those who think the Luke is missing a lot more than a few fingers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 03:29 PM

He came in through the bathroom window
Pretending he was a silver spoon
He left a finger in her bureau
By the light of the simpeirng moon

Didn't anybody wonder?
Didn't any body see?
Little Hawk has left the building
But he's missing digit number three....


'Course it might have been Rapaire...he goes in for manly stuff like missing fingers. :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 12:49 AM

. . . but I won't lie if you find a misplaced digit in your underwear drawer.

Oh, Little Hawk, that is downright creepy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 11:32 PM

I love the Shambles so leave my man alone.(but leave him where ever he is okay?(


Forget not the mother of the fishing boat.
I say,
forget not, the mother of the fishing boat
I say it once more,
forget not, the mother of the fishing boat.
'cuz if you do
she might forget you.

I once had a little red toe and I rubbed it awhile and it warmed right back up and turned a paler color than red.


Gentle is the thought that flew from your lips when you never uttered a sound. I like it that way, anyway.

I will not answer if you ask who I am, but I won't lie if you find a misplaced digit in your underwear drawer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 10:49 PM

Better the adulation of Venusians than the rampant idolatry offered him by some Candidans who shall remain nameless.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 08:08 PM

Relax stilly.

Shatner, in his prime always ended up meeting some alien. We have no shortage of those round here. Now, about 25 minutes later, he would either end up with a passionate embrace with them, or in a fist fight with them....


OK, now I'm worried with you....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 07:49 PM

We have managed to offend You-Know-Who when he tried to boss Mom MOAB around. Don't waste our time with Shambles. Send Shatner in instead. Now he might be fun to go toe-to-toe with (so to speak, in a purely conversational manner. The other image is just too gross to contemplate. . . )


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 04:03 PM

I had a friend who measured sterns when he was in college. He was slapped, punched out by an irate boyfriend, and finally jailed for indecent boatwrightery -- a hanging offense in Illinois at the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 03:24 PM

There are sterns on this forum that defy measurement by any known measuring device.

I tell you what. I am going to try, by some strategem, to get Shambles onto this thread. If I succeed, he will f*ck it up totally beyond redemption. Hang on to that thought.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 03:21 PM

DO let me know the results of your stern measures, LH -- only on the gals, though.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 03:08 PM

whose stern will you be measuring? And what is the significance of a stern measurement?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 03:02 PM

My last post to this thread did not show up. Or else it was deleted. But that's inconceivable, because it was so valuable and apt. Not to metion, ept. I demand its reinstatement! If it does not appear within 24 hours, I shall take stern measures.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 02:58 PM

I just received a promotion in the Legion, I'll have you know. I was promoted to "Mascot 4th Class."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 02:46 PM

Well then, sit down and stop hanging about.

Also, get a promotion in the Idaho legion, to something along the lines of his High Generalissomo, Chief Inspector of skimpy outfits, etc , etc


You will now be avoiding hanging out with those English Majors....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:33 PM

Hang by my feet??? Do you take me for a bat or a sloth??? And as for lopping off my head, well, I will just say that if I don't hang together I'll just have to hang seperately!

(I am an English major. I hold a BA in English literature, which actually means "literature in English" and not just the literature of England. Moreover, I even had (shuddeer!!) graduate-level work in the field.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:29 PM

I decided that discretion is the better part of being smart and to *NOT* make a comment about primary sexual characteristics and hanging signs etc, etc, etc,

besides - the visuals threatened to be REALLY bad...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:26 PM

I thought about having his head chopped off with one of his swords, but then he'd have to hang from the arboreal feature by his feet and it would be harder to get the sign to stay put.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:05 PM

technically, if you were a head, would you have a neck to hang the sign around? Are a head and a neck discrete parts or does the neck form part of the head?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:02 PM

Rapaire, you've been hanging out with English majors again. If you're not careful, someone is going to hang you from one of your riparian arboreal features and drape a sign around your neck:

Don't be a pendant pedant. Stop while you're a head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 12:59 PM

Well, I have to admit I was thinking of Mill ponds and mill-races* and the power derived from damning the water and changing its course.


*the competitive racing of mills, just a the stoneing of mills (you've heard of millstones) have since been banned but were common in former times


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 12:55 PM

You spelled "course" wrong. What you meant, I'm sure, is "the power of a course. Like the witches' course taught up at the University.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 12:41 PM

gotta love english.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 12:13 PM

Snort!

Good one! Now come clean up my keyboard, Mmario, I spit Diet RC all over it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 11:57 AM

damning the water turns it from its natural course? The power of a curse!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 11:52 AM

Amos, I think you mean "riparian": riparian, adj." referring to the banks of a river or stream. As in "riparian rights", or the right of the owner of the land forming the bank of a river or stream to use water from the waterway on the land, such as for drinking water or irrigation. State laws vary as to the extent of the rights, but controversy exists as to the extent of riparian rights for diversion of water to sell to others, for industrial purposes, to mine the land under the water for gravel or minerals or for docks and marinas. Consistent in these questions is that a riparian owner may not act to deny riparian rights to the owner of downstream properties along the waterway, meaning the water may not be dammed and channelled away from its natural course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 11:09 AM

dang, Amos! That's astounding.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 10:48 AM

Rapaire, Idahoan Librarian
Took attitudes highly contrarian,
At the drop of a hat
He would pull out a gat,
Or a Snickersnee, shiv or Rapierian!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 10:42 AM

Good! I wasn't sure what direction to take this (or just how many syllables I really wanted in that first line--"librarian" is one busy word, dontcha know, and "Idaho" is no slouch)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 10:39 AM

There once was a librarian in Idaho
Whose guns and swords made quite a show
When spurning Robittussins
His hair soaked in Bitumen
Cried 'fire' as he totally bald did go


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 10:33 AM

Limerickize it!

A librarian from Idaho
with gun and sword made a show
But a mad Robotussin
with a great deal of cussin'
Abducted him, don'tcha know!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 10:29 AM

Scratchpad stuff this morning, incomplete (and probably doesn't scan)

There once was a librarian in Idaho
Whose guns and swords made quite a show
When spurning Robittussins
His ______ ______ _____ ________
Dada dada dada dada dada . . .   row to hoe. . . ice to floe. . . pants to sew. . .?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 09:41 AM

Sorry, Mom. I guess I have to do all the work around here. I mean, all the work that you don't do to keep the kids quasi-healthy, pseudo-sane, and able to put up at least a front of normalicy. And I know how hard that is, what with Amos living in Southern California and almost certainly involved in those cults and things down there and Stilly living in Texas and Bee-Dubya still living in a rotten log in a swamp and Bunn living in (God help us all!) Scotland and Weehawken living in someplace and RR in Minnesota and Khandu owing me money and the Robotussians ready to invade Earth and EVERYTHING.

But it's okay, Mom. I've called on the Idaho Legion to help protect Earth from the Tussies and they've set up the twin Bofors gun on the top of Howard Mountain. It's probably just as well that they don't have ammunition for it. They have armed themselves though, opening the Arms Room at the Hovel and distributing the deadly Wacky Wackers stored therein. And, Mom? They're doing all this to protect ME from being "abducted, seducted, subducted and/or tapeducted by them godless commie fascist pinko creepy impolite egg-suckin' puppy-kickin' unAmerican sicko Californians...I mean Rubbertushians," as Special Imperial Generalissimo Field Marshal Undergropingferher Sam "Zitnose" Pamplemousse, the local Legion Commandante, said last night when they were hauling that Bofors gun up the mountain. That was just before the guys hauling the gun pulled Zitnose off of it and tossed him into south-flowing Icewater Creek, just north of Skullfracture Falls. But don't worry about him, Mom; he was pretty loosened up and anyway, you know what they say about God protecting fools and drunks and so you know that Zitnose had double protection.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 11:50 PM

And I've just posted to that thread about Shatner hitting bottom. Gad, first an ass's head is put on him and them Billy Shatner punches him out. Poor chap. I hope he brings charges.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 11:37 PM

It has now become clear to me exactly what it is that they do with those urine samples collected in doctors' offices, for drug testing, and so on. In fact, the additional income corporations and other institutions get for used urine could well be what keeps them (you'll pardon the expression) afloat. I wonder, though, what it's posted under in the accounting offices -- accounts receivable? accounts payable? general ledger? And how do you handle the inventory?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 10:14 PM

Ewwww. . .now this conjures up ideas of one pretty smarmy sauce, Bunnah.

I think I prefer "butter makes the batter better" to "chamber lye doesn't foul your fowl."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 06:28 PM

It has been tried. My hair is now long, shiny and very clean. I will send you a sample. This is not a problem, as it has all fallen out, so I can spare some....

Goose is very tasty. Sauce is good though.


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