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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 21 Aug 05 - 11:00 PM
JennyO 21 Aug 05 - 10:33 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 05 - 05:44 PM
Acme 21 Aug 05 - 03:07 PM
freda underhill 21 Aug 05 - 11:30 AM
JennyO 21 Aug 05 - 11:10 AM
Amos 21 Aug 05 - 11:05 AM
Acme 21 Aug 05 - 10:37 AM
Amos 21 Aug 05 - 03:48 AM
JennyO 21 Aug 05 - 02:05 AM
Acme 21 Aug 05 - 01:05 AM
Amos 20 Aug 05 - 03:34 PM
Amos 19 Aug 05 - 07:06 PM
Amos 19 Aug 05 - 06:50 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 05 - 05:49 PM
Amos 19 Aug 05 - 05:05 PM
GUEST,daylia 19 Aug 05 - 04:32 PM
Acme 19 Aug 05 - 04:31 PM
GUEST,daylia 19 Aug 05 - 04:28 PM
GUEST 19 Aug 05 - 04:26 PM
GUEST 19 Aug 05 - 04:26 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 05 - 03:40 PM
Acme 19 Aug 05 - 03:23 PM
Bunnahabhain 19 Aug 05 - 02:18 PM
Amos 19 Aug 05 - 12:44 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 05 - 11:42 AM
MMario 19 Aug 05 - 10:46 AM
Acme 19 Aug 05 - 10:30 AM
Amos 19 Aug 05 - 09:48 AM
John Hardly 19 Aug 05 - 09:42 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 05 - 09:30 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 05 - 09:29 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 05 - 09:29 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 05 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 05 - 09:21 AM
JennyO 19 Aug 05 - 09:10 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 05 - 08:58 AM
MMario 19 Aug 05 - 08:48 AM
Rustic Rebel 19 Aug 05 - 01:23 AM
Rustic Rebel 19 Aug 05 - 01:13 AM
Amos 19 Aug 05 - 01:07 AM
Amos 19 Aug 05 - 01:05 AM
Acme 19 Aug 05 - 12:53 AM
Amos 19 Aug 05 - 12:43 AM
Rapparee 18 Aug 05 - 11:26 PM
Amos 18 Aug 05 - 07:39 PM
Rapparee 18 Aug 05 - 06:40 PM
Donuel 18 Aug 05 - 04:31 PM
Amos 18 Aug 05 - 04:17 PM
Acme 18 Aug 05 - 03:56 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 11:00 PM

Mother MOAB is most assuredly NOT the "head of the threads"!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 10:33 PM

Aw, insults from the great Rapaire. This is heady stuff indeed!

I saw a head in a thread,
Fie man fie,
I saw a head in a thread,
Who's the fool now?
I saw a head in a thread,
Like your wyne, very redde.
Thou hast well drunken man,
Who's the fool now?

Up you go, Mother, to the HEAD of the THREAD!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 05:44 PM

I am repulsed, repulsed I say!, at all this talk of head and heads. Not only is it repugnant to discuss "getting head" in polite society, but then the talk changes to the "necessary rooms" on shipboard.

Fie upon y'all for your lack of manners.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 03:07 PM

So the the U.S. Government. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 11:30 AM

a fish rots from the head down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 11:10 AM

How's that rich redde wyne going, Amos? Is it going to your head by any chance? Better hang onto it!


THE HEAD                Bernard Bolan

I'll tell a tale as black as night, as grim as grim can be,
Of the day I paid my mortgage down at the A.M.P.
Directed to the fifteenth floor, into the lift I got.
A fellow's head came in after me but the rest of him did not.
The doors closed like a guillotine, the lift flew like a bird,
All the way to the fifteenth floor the head said not a word.
When I got up to the office the mortgage man did say
"Keeping ahead with your payments sir?" then he turned his head away.

Chorus 1:
Just a little head, nearly round and rather red,
Came into my lift and life that day.
Just a little head, but as the A.M.P. man said,
"Not wishing to seem funny, but we only want your money,
And we'd rather that you took your head away".

When I got back to the entrance hall the crowd had formed a queue
Which stretched right up to Hunter St., the headless man to view.
When I walked out with my new-found friend not a word was said,
So busy with his body no-one bothered with his head.
Once away fram all the crush I studied my new head:
With piggy eyes and double chin he must have been well-fed.
He looked a trifle thirsty, and a pub I did percieve,
So I bought my friend a schooner, but he leaked all down my sleeve.

Chorus 2:
Just a little head, nearly round and very dead,
The fruits of automation's gentle arts.
Just a little head, but as the ambulance man said,
"Well I'm very good with shoulders, and with backbones bent by boulders,
But there's little one can do without the parts."

Like Anne Boleyn I walked around the Stock Exchange that day.
The market fell, and with the smell the brokers moved away.
I went up to the Library, and a chappie grabbed my sleeve.
"It'll have to stay out here", he said, "collect it when you leave".
But in the end, like all good things, our friendship had to cease,
So I took my head to Phillips St., to the Sergeant of Police.
He sent me first to Homicide, and then to C.I.B.
And finally, Lost Property, who'd got another three!

Chorus 3:
Just a little head, so be careful where you tread
If you step round to the cop-shop any day.
Just a little head, but as the Chief Inspector said,
"It's been noted and inspected, and if it is not collected,
You can come and take your bloody head away".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 11:05 AM

Mom,
Mom,
You really is da bomb
The quintessential parading
Of presence and aplomb,
The fountainhead of wisdom,
And of virtue stength and calm,
There's never been a better friend to me
Than Mom.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 10:37 AM

Hey, MOM, I have to go outside this morning and mow the back yard, but let me in later, okay? Please? It's too hot again to play outside all day. I'll plan the rest of my day for work in the shade or in the house. And I think maybe we should have fish for dinner. Thanks for the head's up! :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 03:48 AM

Ho, fie! I call fie!! Thou hast made me spew the rich redde wyne all upon my Holy Monitore!! Aroint!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 02:05 AM

Um, getting back to cod - I found this:

Piece of Cod


You don't normally find human heads inside cod. But they had at Morgan's Fish Wholesalers, in the gut of a four-footer they were cutting up for market.

Portchester Police Chief Paul Mansbridge scowled as he looked at the fish, lying on its side with its head removed and belly slit. The smell in the warehouse hit his Midwestern nose like a fist.

I know how you feel, pal, Mansbridge thought, looking into the cod's dead, staring eyes.

Turning his attention to the warehouse manager, he asked, "Who sold you this one?"

"Hard to say. Could be one of three or four brought in their catch from the weekend." Joe Mayne was a small, thin man with a pinched face, wearing a T-shirt, jeans, and a Budweiser cap. He looked uncomfortable, but Mansbridge couldn't decide if it was because of the human head on the table between them, the chill in the building, or perhaps because the chief wasn't a local.

"I need names and phone numbers, any other contact information you've got." Mayne nodded and quickly walked out of the warehouse.

Mansbridge turned to the county coroner, Al Schumacher. "What do you think?"

Schumacher, a heavy, balding man whose shoulders were stooped from too many years of leaning over his work, squinted through thick, square-framed glasses as he studied the head.

"This," he said slowly, "is the piece of cod, which passeth all understanding."



Derek P. Gilbert ©2003


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Aug 05 - 01:05 AM

Sorry, Amos, but we got locked outta the house today! Mom said "It's hot as hell, but go out and play anyway, you need some sun." And the door slapped me on the backside on my way out (well, actually, I was trying for the second time to post to Joybell's thread and it just refused to cooperate. Said it was too hot to do anything today. The door just snuck away, it didn't hit me, but being an English major, I'd like to embellish a little.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 05 - 03:34 PM

I declare, lads and lasses; have you all become stout realists?


Rise up again, Mom. Yeah I know, but that's the only universe we have left, and that's how it works. And I don't have time to go shopping for new.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 07:06 PM

NEW MICROPRINTING TECHNIQUE IMPROVES NANOSCALE FABRICATION, August 19
Scientists will announce next month a new technique called microdisplacement printing, which makes possible the highly precise placement of molecules during the fabrication of nanoscale components for electronic and sensing devices.
Full story at http://www.physorg.com/news5904.html



If this is true, and useable with different kinds of molecules, we are looking at a major hinge point for future technology. In modern shops, custom parts are already made by "printing then" out of liquid plastic layer by layer to get a prototype or a mold from a CAD drawing.

Imagine your laser-printer churning out tiny printed solar cells, for example, or other micro-devices.

We are in for even MORE interesting times ahead.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 06:50 PM

Well, that DOES save you the trouble of carrying it down the hall to the plumbing department...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 05:49 PM

Yes, I quite agree, Amos. Barbarians at the gates, uncouth and unwashed masses of hoipolloi everywhere one looks...why, I become so very upset I could nearly spill my tea!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 05:05 PM

How barbaric to try and make hay out of other people's creative efforts, and rampage around in glee while doing so; downright savage, actually. SNiff.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,daylia
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 04:32 PM

that's 8900   whooooppeeeeeeeeeee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 04:31 PM

Something is blocking posts. I sent 8900 and it hasn't appeared yet. It will be retroactive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,daylia
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 04:28 PM

Hee hee! I get 9000! Whoopeeeeeeeeee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 04:26 PM

2


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 04:26 PM

1


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 03:40 PM

Try this for some interesting stuff (you'll need Adobe Acrobat Reader or something similar, 'cause it's in pdf). Or just consider the following, from the Salt Lake Tribune of July 24, 2005:

On this day, 158 years ago, Brigham Young and his band of pioneers arrived in the Salt Lake Valley, starting a migration that quickly turned Utah into a Mormon-dominated desert realm.
   That domination - at least in terms of raw numbers - appears to be nearing its end.
   Within the next three years, the Mormon share of Utah's population is expected to hit its lowest level since The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints started keeping membership numbers. And if current trends continue, LDS residents no longer will constitute a majority by 2030.
   These projections are based on normally secret membership counts the LDS Church voluntarily hands over to Utah's Office of Planning and Budget, under what it assumed was a binding confidentiality agreement. The state planning office uses the county-by-county numbers to help estimate future population growth.


The whole thing is here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 03:23 PM

When I was watching it there were two middle-aged women in the center of the screen, on their cel phones talking to someone and waving. Evidently turned it into their own personal picture phone. That idea has occurred to me also, though I've never followed through. I imagine it's a regular occurance nowadays.

And of course, what you're seeing when that happens is a BS action shot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 02:18 PM

But they are not seen as essential to supporting other life in these environments, as is the case in Idaho.

So this means Idaho is not essential for supporting life in other enviroments. it is however essential for supporting the edges of Canada, Washington Oregon, Nevada, Montana and Wyoming. But not Utah. They don't want anything to do with those outsiders with all their funny ways, and not enough wives....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 12:44 PM

So the Idaho site was chosen for its lack of organic matter

I think we've found an explanation here,....

BTW, SRS, you know if you watch those cams long enough, you will see everyone you know walk by???? But I suppose you're too busy to try that, huh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 11:42 AM

Oh, my.

Extracted from a longer 2002 article you can look up for yourself:

Unlike other organisms at the bottom of the food chain, methanogens need little of the traditional sustenance that biologists associate with life. They get by without oxygen and no help from sunlight, said the U.S. Geological Survey's Francis H. Chapelle, who led the study along with Derek Lovley of the University of Massachusetts.

Methanogens simply feed off hydrogen in the rocks around an underground hot spring.
No one knew if life could live in such conditions. So the Idaho site was chosen for its lack of organic matter, stuff that is originally produced by sunlight-powered organisms and is known to support other subsurface ecosystems.

"This kind of microbial community has never been found on Earth," Chapelle told SPACE.com, adding that it "may be representative of the kinds of life that initially evolved on the early Earth, and which may presently occur on Mars or Europa."

Methanogens belong to an ancient group related to bacteria, called the archaea. All archaea are outfitted for survival in extreme environments. They are thought to have dominated primitive Earth, when oxygen was a rare commodity.

Idaho is not the only home to methanogens. They cause gas in the digestive tracts of humans. And they're found in oxygen-deprived mud at the bottom of swamps. But they are not seen as essential to supporting other life in these environments, as is the case in Idaho.


And I am restraining myself from commenting further.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 10:46 AM

lingcod is also buffalo cod. So I wonder if you can get buffalo ling wings?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 10:30 AM

The BS challenge is tempting, but my participation in such an event is iffy because THE SEMESTER STARTS on MONDAY and I have a shitload (in the non-BS sense) of stuff on my plate. I'll do what I can to uphold my end of things. Especially if there is a BWL designed cracked pot award.

I'll start by offering up a street corner on which to shoot the [BS] breeze. I hope that will keep a couple of you guys distracted this morning. And if that isn't enough, here's more on the Un-true COD.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 09:48 AM

I see vere Olsen's is seeking to attract younger lutefisk lovers.

I don't get it though.

Why interrupt them?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: John Hardly
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 09:42 AM

....just had to log on to see who scored #8888.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 09:30 AM

8888!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 09:29 AM

Closer still....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 09:29 AM

It's closer....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 09:28 AM

It's close.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 09:21 AM

Okay. View the slides, learn more about lutefisk than you ever wanted to know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 09:10 AM

Lutefisk anyone?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 08:58 AM

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddddddddd they're off.

We certainly need to do all we can to promote BS, but only BS of quality. Therefore and whereas, I propose that MOAB sponsor an award, which shall hereafter be known as "The Mother Of All BS Award For Outstanding BS During A Predefined Temporal Period" (or "The Mammy" for short), for the best BS laid on in the Mudcate Cafe during a predefined temporal period.

This award, the design of which is left up to Bee-Dubya-Ell (who is experienced with cracked pots), will be presented at a virtual session which will be called "The Mammy Jam." Those participating will be called "The Mammy Jammers" and the winner will be addressed as "Mommy" until the award for the next predefined temporal period is awarded.

Politics, being by definitions poor quality BS, is ineligible for a Mammy because res ipsos loquitur. Likewise lawyer stuff is ineligible for the same reason.

This will be a virtual award, so that your home, domicile, box, cell, cave, shack, bothy, castle, pied-a-terre, cabin, palace, apartment, flat, or other dwelling place will not be cluttered up with dust-catching brick-a-brack.

A monetary award will also be included, if it can be raised. This will be in euros, rupees, yuan, or some other currency that's worth something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 08:48 AM

Oh Cod, our help in Ages past!
Our hope for meals to come....
Our Comfort Food through Winter's blast
Eternal leftovers


this has distinct possibilities.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 01:23 AM

My computer says yes and my fingers say go...
Just going to dance now/......Good day, good week-end, good lovlies.......


P.S. Stilly my lovely, The challange of real bullshit is still laid upon you........are you up for it or should we talk hump-a-lotta-loaf bread with a dash of basil and and pinch of stout?











P.S. Stilly River Sage Girlfriend--------I love Ya------


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 01:13 AM

Stilly lovely, I am not worthy of your stoutness of bullshit, yet I feel I must challange you to a bullshit bout.......
Therefore I ....ah........challange you to a bullshit bout....
No rules........
No chit chit........oh fuck.........that would be a rule wouldn't it?
Okay.
aNYTHING GOES GIRLFRIEND.....BRING IT ON....
The guantlet has been laid upon the feety of the MOABites and the Mother MoBite and I feel Im up for the challange,
Bring it on.........


P.S. (I'm heaDING OUT FOR THE fARGO bLUES FEST IN THE MORN, AND IF i DO NOT RETURN WIITH THE nORTH dECODER RING i WILL bE READY AND WILLING FOR THE    CHALLANGE OF bULLSHIT TO YOU.......mY SISTA..........


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 01:07 AM

SCIENTISTS CLONE MADONNA


(From the Borowitz Report)

World Tour to Proceed as Planned

One day after Madonna suffered a broken collarbone while riding a horse on her forty-seventh birthday, scientists successfully cloned the music superstar to enable her upcoming world tour to proceed as planned.

While the platinum-selling recording artist was undergoing surgery for her injuries, samples of her DNA were dispatched to South Korea, where scientists successfully cloned a dog earlier this month.

At a press conference in Seoul, scientist Woo-Suk Hwang pronounced the cloning of the erstwhile "Material Girl" a total success.

"Our cloned Madonna has all of the same genetic characteristics of the original Madonna, and we expect to see her vogueing, getting into the groove, and letting her body move to the music in no time at all," the Korean scientist said.

The successful cloning of Madonna was music to the ears of her tour promoters, who had briefly flirted with the idea of renaming her upcoming world tour "The Limited Neck Movement Tour '05."

But the groundbreaking biological procedure drew some criticism in the scientific community, as some bioethicists said that the cloning of Madonna raised a host of thorny ethical issues.

"My greatest fear is, what happens if this technology falls into the wrong hands?" said Dr. Lindsay Prandell of the University of Minnesota's Institute of Advanced Bioethics. "Most of us are fine with the cloning of Madonna, but what if a madman tried to clone Ryan Seacrest?"

Elsewhere, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that the new Iraqi constitution could hurt the insurgency if tons of copies of the constitution are dropped directly on the insurgents' heads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 01:05 AM

Those who know the True Cod shall be received by the true Cod.

Oh Cod, our help in Ages past!
Our hope for meals to come....


(Ducks and exits stage left, pursued by an angry mob.)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 12:53 AM

Trouble with all of this kowtowing to the fish is that a Ling Cod isn't the True Cod.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 05 - 12:43 AM

And BTW, you deserve beknighting for spelling benighted correctly.

:D



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 05 - 11:26 PM

Well, Mr. Whips WAS extremely near-sighted. The First Mate came down into the Oar Room once and Mr. Whips flogged him into place. Man rowed all night before Mr. Whips went to get some coffee and the Captain dared to come in and release him. He carried a forty-four foot long whip made from the forty-four foot long pizzle of a bull and could flick a fleck offen the wings of flea forty feet away with it. 'Course, he couldn't see more'n three inches beyond the end of his ruby red probocis. We got him in a poker game one day and cleaned him. It was my cut of that money that allowed me to take the bus from Douglas Island to the Baranof Hotel for tea with Vitus Bering and Ferdy Magellan. But if I told you that story you'd think I was lyin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 05 - 07:39 PM

Well, I didn't think you had shape-shifted into one, man -- I figgered you just flipflopped around until Ole Whoosie decided you must be one!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 05 - 06:40 PM

For those of you who are so benighted, so bereft of knowledge, that you don't know what a ling cod looks like....

And here's some more pictures....

I did not change (i.e., transmogrify) into a ling cod. I merely assisted Mr. Whips in believing that I did.

Did you ever swim in the Bering Sea? Even in summer? When I escaped we were twelve miles off Attu. That water was cold, buddy, cold! A brass monkey fell overboard and jumped back aboard. A witch wore a Thinsulate bra. And I swam from the ship to Douglas Island.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Aug 05 - 04:31 PM

Donuel
went to hell
for saying bad things about Bush

George won't care
He's up there
spouting nonsense out of his tush.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 05 - 04:17 PM

Clearly he believed that other things, such as the capacity for violence, were more important. Billions and billions of dollars more important. Sheesh -- just because you have a different opinion.... :>)

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Aug 05 - 03:56 PM

Enervate. One N only. It's how I feel when I think about the vacuum he has created instead of reinforcing the intellectual capacity of the nation. . .


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